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1
It was an ordinary evening, just a man alone in a diner after a hard day, enjoying his meat and veg in peace like God intended.
2
Mom, why is that man crying in his fries?
3
Because real men cry, okay?
4
What would you know?
5
You're six years old.
6
Your mommy tucks you in at night and your biggest fear is running out of gummy bears.
7
But if you'd been through what I've been through, you'd be bawling into your banana split too.
8
All right, maybe that was a bit much, but in my defense, here's what the last six months of my life have looked like.
9
First, I got kicked out of college trying to ask a girl out.
10
As I waited for my crush to come out of the library late one evening,
11
I had no idea that some rich brats were vandalizing the dean's car behind me.
12
They ran away and I was caught on the CCTV footage with a soda can in my hand, which did look a lot like spray paint.
13
They went to Cabo on the weekend.
14
I got expelled.
15
I moved back to my parents' place.
16
Yes, my mom tucks me in every night too with a whisper.
17
Don't worry.
18
You'll find your path, sweetie.
19
Makes everything feel so much worse.
20
I applied to 52 jobs, got 53 rejection letters.
21
One of them sent it twice to really drive the message home.
22
And just this morning, I ripped my favorite sneakers chasing a bus and then fell face first into a puddle.
23
I'm 90 % sure I heard an old man cackle.
24
Keep the change.
25
I'm feeling generous.
26
Thanks.
27
Those are the last $5 I needed to become a billionaire.
28
I'm gonna need the change back.
29
I turned a corner and stopped in my tracks when I saw a masked man stumbling out of an alley, clutching his waist.
30
As he staggered out of sight, I started walking again cautiously.
31
But as I passed by that alley, I heard a raspy breathing sound.
32
Nope, just keep walking.
33
Not your monkeys.
34
Not your monkeys.
35
But then I heard a pained groan.
36
My stupid conscience made me stop and look into the alley.
37
There was a well -dressed man slumped against the wall with his eyes closed, barely breathing and definitely injured.
38
Quite good looking actually, and close to death.
39
He was already doing better than me.
40
Hello, sir?
41
Can you hear me?
42
No answer.
43
Okay, okay, I'm calling an ambulance.
44
Sir, please hold on.
45
Suddenly, his eyes opened and he grabbed my wrist.
46
No, don't call!
47
You're really hurt, man.
48
I don't think that's optional right now.
49
He shoved something small and metallic into my palm.
50
A USB.
51
Don't trust Annie Wayne.
52
What?
53
Who's Annie Wayne?
54
Not Annie Wayne.
55
Wayne.
56
Hold on, I'm supposed to trust her or not trust her?
57
And is it Annie with a Y or an IE?
58
Is there anyone I can trust?
59
Not Annie Wayne.
60
And then his head slumped forward.
61
Uh, what just happened?
62
I stumbled over to the closet phone booth, tipped off the police that a man in an alley needed help, then hung up.
63
I didn't know what I'd gotten myself involved in and I wasn't about to face the police.
64
I sprinted back home, climbed into my room through the window and collapsed on the floor.
65
Toilet paper in one hand, USB in the other, heart pounding in my ears, and one stupid question running through my brain.
66
Who the heck is Annie Wayne?
67
I finally got up, handed mom the toilet paper, and locked my room.
68
I knew my life was only going to get worse once I plugged that USB into my laptop, but hey, why stop now?
69
For a second, nothing happened.
70
Then the screen flashed and a window popped up.
71
Black background with white text.
72
Lines of code started streaming, then paused.
73
Next came a weird grid full of numbers and a cursor blinked at the bottom corner.
74
Something about the numbers felt familiar and was beginning to itch the back of my brain.
75
Okay, looks like layered encryption.
76
Wait, is that golden ratio indexing?
77
I started recognizing patterns.
78
This wasn't your average puzzle.
79
Someone had designed this code like a trapdoor maze, with Fibonacci spirals, fractals, mirror symmetry, even embedded crime pair chains.
80
It was basically math poetry.
81
Ha, gotcha.
82
I clicked on the folder and suddenly rows and rows of files appeared.
83
Names, locations, dates, events, notes.
84
My god, this was probably highly classified government intel.
85
But suddenly the screen went blank.
86
The laptop started whirring violently, and then smoke puffed out from the side vents.
87
My poor laptop's brain just got fried by the petabyte scale data I'd just accessed.
88
Great.
89
I just shut the lid and dropped onto my bed.
90
No idea what any of that was.
91
Pretty sure I won't sleep a wink tonight.
92
I mean, I just watched a man possibly die tonight, and got my hands on government secrets.
93
And why couldn't I trust any way.
94
The next morning I woke up with a splitting headache.
95
As I dragged myself downstairs and walked into the kitchen, I froze.
96
A ridiculously beautiful woman was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping coffee.
97
She had the face of a movie star, the hair from a shampoo commercial,
98
and the body of a Greek goddess who never skips a Pilates class.
99
And she was looking at me like she knew everything I'd ever searched on the internet.
100
I, sorry, didn't know we had company.
101
Otherwise I would have brushed my pants and worn my teeth.
102
I mean teeth and pants, in that order.
103
Um, who are you?
104
I'm Ava.
105
I'm your girlfriend.
106
Uh, sorry, I'm waiting for the punchline of the joke.
107
Jamie, I'm serious.
108
I'm your girlfriend.
109
We've been dating for three weeks.
110
Right.
111
Um, okay, okay.
112
I have a couple of theories about this.
113
Maybe I died last night and this is the best afterlife ever? Or...
114
You're from a parallel dimension where you've been dating the cooler, successful version of me for three weeks.
115
What's that guy like?
116
Suddenly, she stood up and lifted her dress to reveal a gun strapped to her leg.
117
Your mom's in the bathroom.
118
When she comes back, remember, I'm Ava.
119
I'm your girlfriend.
120
We've been dating for three weeks.
121
Got it?
122
Okay, don't panic.
123
This isn't a big deal.
124
Just a hot assassin girl with legs for days threatening me in my kitchen.
125
Oh, Jamie, you're here.
126
Sweetie, I had no idea you were seeing someone, let alone an actual goddess.
127
It's been kind of shocking for me, too.
128
No wonder you haven't been joining us for dinner lately.
129
I need to know everything.
130
How did you two meet?
131
We'll tell you the whole story sometime soon, I promise.
132
Right now, I'm running late for work and my laptop's glitching.
133
Jamie, would you mind helping me fix it?
134
I, uh, yeah, sure.
135
I can do that stuff.
136
Of course, go right ahead.
137
And Jamie, you're a big boy now.
138
You can keep the door closed.
139
Great.
140
The first time a hot girl wants to come up to my bedroom, she's the angel of death.
141
I'm with the CIA, Covert Intel Division.
142
It looks like you bumped into one of our field agents last night.
143
His name is Agent Marlow.
144
He's in a coma, but we've got him under protection.
145
Oh, that's great news.
146
I mean, not great, but less bad than dead.
147
He was transporting something classified.
148
That USB he handed you?
149
How do you know this?
150
Marlow was wearing a microscopic camera on his shirt collar.
151
We got a pretty good look at your face.
152
That must have been a really bad angle.
153
The USB holds a secure backup of an old program called Mantis.
154
It was designed years ago as a global surveillance AI, meant to detect threats before they happened.
155
But it started flagging anyone.
156
Our own politicians, military, intel teams, even civilians.
157
It was getting too powerful and unpredictable.
158
So the program was shut down and buried.
159
But now, someone's trying to bring it back.
160
And if they succeed, they could shut down major military systems, crash intelligence networks, reroute surveillance feeds.
161
Basically blind half the world in a matter of minutes.
162
Agent Marlow was moving the last copy to a secure location.
163
He was ambushed by someone.
164
Yeah, I saw this big dude limping out of the alley.
165
He looked like he was hurt.
166
Marlow did injure him, and he was probably trying to get out of there before he collapsed and got caught by us.
167
We're trying to track him down.
168
But yeah, he never got a hold of the USB.
169
And you got it instead.
170
Lucky me.
171
It's the only reason it's not in the wrong hands, Jamie.
172
And that's huge.
173
However, when you plugged in the USB, it triggered a buried signal which we picked up and tracked you down.
174
And it's possible that others may have picked it up too.
175
Uh, you mean like the bad guys?
176
You think they're coming for me?
177
They don't know it's you, yet.
178
But they're looking, and it won't be long till they find you.
179
And what now?
180
You're gonna stay here and lay low.
181
And I'm gonna stay close as your girlfriend.
182
It's the most plausible cover. Was it?
183
Who would buy that this supermodel was my girlfriend?
184
I'm going to protect you while we wait for those people to show up.
185
So basically I'm bait.
186
Yep.
187
Okay, look, that is a lot to process.
188
I'm just an ordinary guy.
189
A very ordinary borderline loser kind of person.
190
You know what triggered the signal, Jamie?
191
When you cracked that complex protection code.
192
So I'm guessing you're not that ordinary.
193
Oh my god.
194
She thinks I'm smart?
195
Okay, I can die now.
196
I have peaked in life.
197
Oh, you know what?
198
I just remembered.
199
I might have a lead for you.
200
Your field agent told me something before he passed out.
201
What did he say?
202
He said, don't trust Annie Wayne.
203
I'm sorry, what?
204
Yeah, he repeated it like three times.
205
Don't trust Annie Wayne.
206
Does that name ring a bell?
207
Is Annie Wayne some high -level criminal?
208
I think he was saying, don't trust anyone.
209
He had an accent.
210
Oh, great.
211
She thought I was smart for five whole seconds.
212
Just then Ava checked her phone and stood up.
213
I have to go right now.
214
Do not leave.
215
And make sure the USB stays safe.
216
It's too risky to move it yet.
217
I'll have people watching your house till I move in later tonight.
218
Move in?
219
Like, into my house?
220
Yes, in your room.
221
Into my room?
222
My room room?
223
Is that gonna be a problem?
224
No, no problem at all, ma 'am.
225
I mean, Agent Ava, I'll, um, take the couch.
226
Perfect.
227
And just call me Ava.
228
Wait, if I'm not supposed to trust anyone, why should I trust you?
229
She paused at the door, looked back, and smiled.
230
Because, Jamie, you don't have a choice.
231
How did I go from being a nobody to getting hold of classified government secrets
232
and a fake CIA girlfriend whose face I was still having trouble processing.
233
And she was moving in here, tonight.
234
Oh god, I had to deep clean my room.
235
So Ava actually turned up with her bags and then casually joined us for dinner.
236
And to make matters worse, my idiot best friend Zane invited himself over.
237
Okay, no offense, but you're dating him?
238
Yes.
239
Voluntarily?
240
Very.
241
Did you lose a bet?
242
Are you legally blind?
243
What's wrong with Jamie?
244
It could take me the whole night to finish that list, Mrs. D.
245
Zane, shut up and eat your mashed potatoes.
246
Sorry, I'm just trying to understand whatever this is.
247
Like, seriously, what do you even know about Jamie?
248
I bet a lot more than you do.
249
Yeah, right.
250
Let's test that, shall we?
251
What's Jamie's middle name?
252
Douglas.
253
What's his biggest fear?
254
Cockroaches.
255
What's his weirdest allergy?
256
Canned cherries.
257
They make his ears itch.
258
And his go -to sad movie?
259
Kung Fu Panda 2.
260
Okay, how is she even doing this?
261
Oh, she's a keeper, Jamie.
262
Feels like a sting operation to me.
263
Okay, okay, not bad.
264
But let's get serious now.
265
What's his deepest, darkest, most soul -shattering secret?
266
Thank God the doorbell rang just then.
267
I'll get it.
268
I bolted out of my chair and opened the door to find Lara Croft's twin standing outside.
269
She had a body designed for combat and a face that could be on the front page of Ode, military edition.
270
Name's Brick.
271
Just moved in next door.
272
No dinner supplies yet.
273
Mind if I crash?
274
Uh, yeah.
275
I'm sure there's plenty of Mom's dry meatloaf. For you.
276
As we walked back into the dining room, I saw Ava's smile freeze the moment she saw Brick.
277
They nodded at each other like chess master rivals.
278
Did they know each other?
279
Oh my.
280
Another beautiful girl moves into our neighborhood?
281
The last time that happened was...
282
Never.
283
It's never happened before.
284
1995, when I moved in here.
285
Come, sit, please.
286
Help yourself.
287
So, Ava, I was just asking, what is it that you do?
288
I work in tech support for banks.
289
And where did you and Jamie meet?
290
At a community center.
291
I was trying to get a soda from a vending machine, and it broke.
292
But Jamie fixed it and saved the day.
293
Since when are you hanging around vending machines in community centers?
294
I got my hands stuck in a vending machine once, flirting with a woman.
295
And you, honey?
296
Are you seeing anyone?
297
Nope, just got out of something bad.
298
I can totally relate.
299
Oh, great.
300
They dated.
301
Or tried to kill each other. Or both.
302
Honestly, I wasn't sure which scenario was hotter.
303
Jamie, would you boys grab dessert and coffee?
304
I made my famous blonde.
305
It's very firm this time.
306
As I walked to the kitchen, Zane followed me.
307
Okay, dude, level with me.
308
Are you being blackmailed?
309
Did you join some prank show?
310
And are we surrounded by cameras?
311
Is she part of a government -sponsored pity program?
312
Zane, for the last time, she's my girlfriend.
313
You can't even say it without flinching.
314
I quickly turned back with the coffee tray and just as I was close to the dining table,
315
Zane tripped on something and bumped into me from behind.
316
Bro, they caught everything.
317
Oh my god, I knew it!
318
Jamie, you've brought home Russian gymnasts!
319
Definitely spies.
320
Possibly CIA.
321
The flan looks fantastic, Mrs. D.
322
What in the Matrix just happened?
323
And thank god nobody ever paid attention to my dad who had an insane knack for always being right!
324
After dinner, mom and dad retired to the living room.
325
I managed to push Zane out the door with leftover lasagna, and I looked around for Brick and Ava to find them arguing in the backyard.
326
You want me to trust you again after what happened in Paris?
327
I made a call based on the information I had.
328
Gosh, why are you here?
329
Why couldn't you just ask to be assigned to another case?
330
Because I don't turn down official orders, so just deal with it.
331
And that's when I sneezed so loud it echoed off the fence.
332
How long have you been standing there, Twitchy?
333
It's Jamie, and you're also assigned for my protection now?
334
Yes, apparently you need two babysitters.
335
I've moved in next door and will be surveilling your house 24 -7.
336
Also, do me a favor and draw your bathroom blinds before taking a shower next time.
337
Wait, you can see me?
338
What did you not like exactly?
339
She'd already walked off and jumped over the fence in one swift leap.
340
Whoa, she was so cool.
341
Wow, real subtle.
342
You want me to get you a napkin to mop up that drool?
343
I wasn't drooling.
344
I was respectfully admiring.
345
You think she's pretty, right?
346
Well, I mean, sure.
347
She's definitely above average.
348
Do you think she's prettier than me?
349
What?
350
Oh, are you kidding?
351
You're way prettier.
352
Absolutely gorgeous.
353
Seriously, if I were a medieval peasant and saw you walking through the village, I'd just drop my potatoes and faint.
354
What?
355
I mean, like if I saw you in a video game, I'd drop all my side quests just to follow your character around,
356
even if he led me into lava.
357
It's cute that you think I care what a geek like you thinks about me, but good to know.
358
I swear, if she keeps being mean to me, I'm actually going to catch feelings.
359
And after that dinner, my life basically turned into a Marvel spinoff
360
while we waited for the bad guys to come find me.
361
Do you people know what covert means?
362
You're supposed to be spies, not a fitness cult with an audience.
363
Your shrill voice is higher than my heart rate.
364
Your whining could be used to torture enemies.
365
Some of us are trying to sleep.
366
And some of us are trying to make sure you survive longer than a goldfish.
367
Get ready for your five -mile run.
368
What?
369
I didn't sign up for boot camp.
370
If someone comes after you, we need to at least teach you how to flee with dignity. Or speed. Or balance.
371
Run like your student debt is chasing you.
372
Or your high school bullies.
373
I needed snacks. Or help.
374
Or a lawyer.
375
Think fast.
376
There were two?
377
Always watch the other hand, idiot.
378
Use your hips.
379
That's where your power is.
380
I don't even know where my hips are under this much anxiety.
381
Are you insane?
382
You just shot at me.
383
Rubber bullet, Jessica.
384
Don't get your panties in a bunch.
385
Return fire.
386
Okay, but which end is...
387
Bang!
388
Oh my god, I just shot myself in the foot.
389
As I hopped around in pain, Ava and Brick howled with laughter.
390
Great.
391
I'm being taught self -defense by Batman's unhinged cousins.
392
And it was getting really hard to keep things secretive.
393
Keep the safety on until you're ready to shoot.
394
If you fumble, you'll shoot yourself again.
395
Or even worse, wine again.
396
Yo, game night is on, baby!
397
I brought chips, dip, and...
398
What in the Call of Duty cosplay is happening here?
399
Haha, Zane, buddy, what have I said about knocking before you enter?
400
We were just.. um...
401
Rehearsing our new musical.
402
Musical?
403
It's a community theater production called Jamie's Angels.
404
What's it about?
405
He was just a normal guy eating nachos in his room.
406
Now he's holding federal secrets and possibly doom.
407
We've got jazz, grenades, and secret smarts.
408
Jamie's got two left hands, so we gave him the easy parts.
409
I dance with knives and suppress my rage because I absolutely loathe being on stage.
410
Okay, honestly, that slaps.
411
Can I be in it?
412
I do a mean tap dance.
413
Also, I once played a tree in a play.
414
So glad you're excited, but we're actually at max casting capacity.
415
Leave before Act 2 gets violent.
416
Okay, rude, but I want front row seats.
417
And free popcorn.
418
I know he's a moron, but I swear, I can't hide this stuff from him much longer.
419
And while it didn't feel half bad being tailed by two hot women for every grocery run,
420
I finally scored a job interview with the boss of a tech company, and I needed no distractions.
421
I told them to stay outside the building and not be weird.
422
So naturally, just ten minutes into the interview, the office doors burst open, and two security guards dragged in Brick and Ava.
423
Ma 'am, we found these two women climbing up the side of the building and peering through your window.
424
We believe they meant to break in and hurt you.
425
Oh, for crying out loud, I'm not here for her.
426
I came here to get my hands on this lying, cheating scumbag, Jamie Douglas Dinkle.
427
What?
428
She's my sister, and I was trying to stop her, but she's been unhinged ever since this man -child left her for an older woman.
429
What older woman?
430
I live with my mom.
431
You cheated on that.
432
Oh, I didn't cheat on anyone.
433
Typical.
434
No one's ever good enough for you men, is she?
435
Get out!
436
I couldn't even have a moment alone to be mad.
437
At least I got some breaks from Brick, but Ava was everywhere, 24 -7.
438
Also, it was really hard to be mad at someone who looked like an actual
439
Bond girl, and like an elegant human pretzel while doing yoga moves that defied gravity and physics.
440
I nearly walked into a wall three times, and once at the bathroom sink, she reached over me for the toothpaste,
441
and I had to try so hard not to smell her hair.
442
But one night, I woke up to soft noises coming from the bed.
443
It sounded like Ava was talking in her sleep.
444
And then I heard a choked gasp.
445
Ava?
446
There was no reply, but she was breathing heavily.
447
I inched closer and got a look at her face.
448
She was crying in her sleep.
449
Hey, you okay?
450
And suddenly I got the wind knocked out of me with a strong kick to my ribs.
451
I doubled over in pain as she sat up in bed, startled.
452
Ow.
453
Oh my god.
454
You look so soft and fragile.
455
You absolute monster.
456
I'm so sorry.
457
Instinct just kicked in.
458
I'm really sorry.
459
As she helped me sit down on the side of the bed
460
and climb back onto the mattress she quickly wiped away the tears from her face.
461
Ava, what were you dreaming about?
462
You seem really upset.
463
She didn't reply as she pulled up her knees to her chest.
464
And for a moment, she didn't look like a cool spy.
465
She just looked young and small.
466
I was dreaming about a mission.
467
It went really wrong.
468
And I just keep seeing it over and over.
469
I can't tell you more about it right now.
470
That's okay.
471
You don't have to.
472
I just hope that whatever it is, you're able to sleep easier someday.
473
I went back to the couch and a few minutes passed by in silence.
474
Jamie?
475
Yeah?
476
If you ever tell anyone I cried, remember, I know 120 methods of torture.
477
There she was, back to normal.
478
Terrifying and adorable.
479
Duly noted.
480
A couple of days later, I woke up to find Ava sitting in my chair, holding up the invite to my high school reunion,
481
which I distinctly remember throwing in the trash.
482
You're going through the garbage now?
483
Why didn't you tell me about this?
484
I didn't think it was relevant since I'm not going.
485
The last thing I need right now is meeting people from high school
486
and having them ask questions about what I'm up to these days.
487
Look, I know everything that happened recently has been a lot, and we haven't exactly made things easy for you.
488
So how about I make it up to you and go to the reunion as your date?
489
Let's give your high school buddies something to talk about.
490
I really didn't want to go, but the temptation of walking in with Ava on my arm was too much to resist.
491
As we walked down the school hallway, Ava stopped in front of the Wall of Honor and peered at a picture of a younger me.
492
Jamie Douglas Stinkle.
493
Valedictorian.
494
Class president.
495
State mathlete champion.
496
That's pretty impressive, golden boy.
497
It was a long time ago.
498
We walked into the gymnasium, and while Zane immediately noticed us, he wasn't the only one.
499
Jamie?
500
It's so good to see you.
501
We haven't seen you since graduation.
502
Yeah, I've been away at university.
503
You got in on some big scholarship, right?
504
Yo, Jamie Dinkle!
505
I heard you dropped out of uni or something.
506
Well, not exactly.
507
I'm just taking a gap year working on a tech startup.
508
Well, you always were the brainiac.
509
We knew you'd end up doing something big.
510
Hire me when you get that thing up and running.
511
I looked over at Ava, who was watching me with some surprise in her eyes.
512
I pulled her a bit closer.
513
Uh, guys, meet my girlfriend, Ava.
514
The smart ones always get the smoke shows.
515
Good job, bro.
516
After mingling with people for a bit, we grabbed drinks and went out for some fresh air.
517
Sorry, it must have looked pathetic that I lied about the tech startup.
518
I just didn't want to answer questions.
519
No, it was totally believable.
520
And they ate it up.
521
Because clearly, you were kind of a big deal here.
522
Haha, yeah, was past tense.
523
I didn't even have any high school bullies despite my weird last name.
524
And I was the only one in my batch who got a great scholarship to a prestigious university.
525
And then I got kicked out of there for something I didn't do
526
Just
527
because it was easier making the poor scholarship guy the scapegoat
528
for a prank pulled off by some rich brats Couldn't piss off their donor parents, right?
529
Jamie It was so easy to get rid of me
530
It makes you think that the world doesn't care about actual talent, only about pleasing those with money
531
Without a degree, how am I supposed to go around proving my worth?
532
I kept telling myself I'm not a loser for the first few months.
533
But the rejection's been piling up, and now I'm really not sure where I belong.
534
Jamie, you're not a loser at all.
535
You'll find your way out of this, I promise.
536
Because I know you're super smart and trustworthy and not one to give up easily.
537
Are you being nice to me?
538
Don't let it go to your head, but I do mean every word.
539
Her face was inches away from mine, and her eyes flickered to my lips.
540
Jesus Christ, something was about to happen.
541
No, Dinkle!
542
That really you?
543
I saw two of my old classmates coming toward us laughing.
544
Dude, come take a selfie with us!
545
I'm just gonna run to the bathroom.
546
Meet you back in the gym?
547
Don't let the cheerleaders steal you away while I'm gone.
548
She smiled and walked off.
549
And once I'd taken a selfie with those idiots, I went back in and waited for her.
550
Okay, so that moment outside, that was something, right?
551
I mean, she wouldn't just look at a fake boyfriend like that.
552
Suddenly, I felt someone slamming a cloth over my mouth.
553
And another person twisting my wrists behind me as they started dragging me out.
554
I tried to scream and kick, but no one heard me over the music.
555
They dragged me across the parking lot towards a black van and were about to haul me in when...
556
Put.
557
Him.
558
Down.
559
I turned around to see both
560
Brick and Ava, who attacked my kidnappers and pushed me away to one side.
561
I stumbled to my knees and scrambled behind a car.
562
Oh man, it's happening.
563
It's really happening.
564
I'm about to witness a live -action superhero beatdown!
565
Suddenly, I heard the roar of a car engine,
566
and I saw a black SUV come flying into the parking lot going straight for Ava and Brick.
567
Without another thought, I ran over and pushed them both out of the car's way.
568
Barely at the last second, the car whizzed past us, skidded to a halt, and the two men jumped into the back.
569
And then it was off again.
570
Of course there's no license plate.
571
How could you leave him unsupervised?
572
Thank God I followed you two here.
573
He was surrounded by people.
574
I didn't leave him alone.
575
Forgive me for having to pee.
576
What kind of a weak agent needs to pee on duty?
577
Haven't you been trained to hold it for 72 hours?
578
Guys, guys, don't fight.
579
Are you both okay?
580
We're fine.
581
Jeez, don't be mad at me.
582
How about a thank you for being so brave and saving us from becoming pancakes?
583
Yes, very brave.
584
You want a medal?
585
They found you, Jamie.
586
And they'll be back.
587
Which is actually a good thing, because that gets us closer to finding out who they are and catching them.
588
I'm finding it hard to see the bright side right now.
589
Listen, get me a lemonade or something.
590
My blood pressure is crashing.
591
As Brick and Ava accompanied me to the front door, I thought the worst of the night was over.
592
But then we walked into a scene of complete chaos.
593
Oh my god.
594
Mom?
595
Dad?
596
What?
597
Brick and Ava immediately disappeared to scout the house while I ran over to my parents and untied them.
598
Ow!
599
Told you woman waxed that mustache once in a while.
600
Oh, Jamie, I thought we were going to die.
601
And you know what I kept thinking?
602
I'm not even wearing a bra or underwear.
603
Mom, TMI.
604
They used my favorite duct tape from Home Depot.
605
Tell me everything that happened.
606
These three men just burst through the front door and tied us up.
607
They didn't even say anything as they turned the house upside down.
608
They knocked over my bonsai.
609
Unforgivable.
610
Ava and Brick returned to the room and nodded, indicating no one was in the house anymore.
611
Mom insisted on calling the police, and once they'd filed the report and I'd sent my parents off to bed with great difficulty,
612
Ava, Brick, and I reconvened.
613
Where's the USB?
614
I exchanged a look with Ava, then nodded at Brick to follow me.
615
Still here.
616
Told you it was a good hiding place.
617
Not bad.
618
Later, when we were up in my bedroom to discuss the events of the night and our strategy going forward,
619
Ava went down to collect our pizza delivery.
620
There's something that's been kind of bothering me from the start.
621
That agent in the alley, Marlo.
622
Why was he even walking around this neighborhood that night?
623
Where was he taking this USB?
624
I have no idea.
625
Did he say anything to you before he passed out?
626
Yeah, he told me not to call the police and not to trust Annie Wayne.
627
I thought it was some woman's name, but apparently the guy was just saying anyone with an accent.
628
Say that name again.
629
Annie Wayne, but it's not a name.
630
Just then we heard Ava approaching the bedroom room, and suddenly, Brick was on her feet.
631
Her gun pointed directly at Ava as she entered.
632
Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
633
Uh, did I offend you because I took too long with the pizza?
634
No, it's because I hate liars.
635
Want to explain why our agent carrying the USB warned Jamie here not to trust Annie Wayne?
636
Oh, by the way, Jamie, she is Annie Wayne.
637
What?
638
Okay, yes, my real name is Annie Wayne.
639
Ava is my call name.
640
You lied to me?
641
And even worse, you made me believe I'm stupid?
642
I guess it's time to come clean.
643
To both of you.
644
And we're still on the same side, so put that freaking gun down.
645
And then Ava explained everything.
646
I was part of the team that built Mantis.
647
You never told me that.
648
I wasn't allowed to disclose my involvement, Brick.
649
I really believed in the project.
650
I thought we could use predictive pattern AI to prevent global threats before they could happen.
651
Until the mission in Paris.
652
Paris?
653
So that day, you got your intel from Mantis?
654
Mantis flagged someone as a terrorist, and Brick and I were sent in to neutralize him.
655
But he was just a father picking up his daughter.
656
We were wrong, and he died for nothing.
657
He was unarmed, with no previous record.
658
After Paris, I voted to shut Mantis down.
659
But not everyone agreed, like Agent Marlowe.
660
He believed Mantis was worth saving after fixing some glitches.
661
So it turns out that he'd gone rogue.
662
He knew Mantis had a mathematical security code that couldn't be bypassed easily.
663
So he started contacting some university professors he was friends with, trying to find brilliant young minds who could be.. threatened and used,
664
not only to unlock Mantis, but maybe also fix it.
665
And that's where you come in, Jamie.
666
Wait, are you saying that I wasn't just a person he randomly handed the USB to?
667
No. We went through his belongings, and he had files of many students.
668
You were one of them.
669
I guess he chose you.
670
He was coming to you that night with the USB and got attacked by someone, but as luck would have it,
671
you walked right up to him anyway.
672
I can't believe I wasn't even told that Marlo was a rogue agent.
673
And who's the guy that attacked him?
674
We believe that Marlo was working with a third party, planning to sell Mantis to them after fixing it.
675
We still don't know who that party is, but maybe they thought they could just steal it and cut him out of the deal altogether.
676
I think Marlo suspected something like that could happen.
677
That's why he was wearing a recording device on his shirt collar, which helped us identify Jamie quickly.
678
My mind was reeling as I tried to process everything.
679
How can I be sure of who's telling the truth?
680
You lied to me and Brick.
681
He told me not to trust you.
682
Of course he said that.
683
He knew I'd come after the USB and try to make sure Mantis is never used again.
684
I also didn't tell you everything because I thought it would just freak you out more. About Paris.
685
Brick, it just broke something inside me.
686
I have nightmares about that mission every night.
687
I hear that Nance daughter screaming in my dreams.
688
It's like a sound that crawled under my skin and never left.
689
Brick's face softened.
690
You've never said all this before.
691
It wasn't relevant before.
692
Still isn't, but now I know.
693
I'm just so sorry you were on assignment with me that day.
694
You suffer too.
695
Because of a call that I made.
696
It's not your fault that you got the wrong intel and acted on orders.
697
You were just doing your job.
698
Okay, seriously, did you guys date at some point?
699
The chemistry's pretty intense.
700
I know you're my fake girlfriend, Ava, but I'll allow you to kiss and make up.
701
Shut up, Jamie.
702
Ava and Brick had decided
703
that it was time to let my parents in on this secret
704
and move them to a secure location while we waited for the bad guys to come for me.
705
Again, I was still thinking the next morning about how to even start this conversation when Zane marched in.
706
You and I?
707
We need to talk.
708
Okay, go ahead.
709
No, not in front of her.
710
I need to talk to my best friend alone.
711
Ava rolled her eyes and left the kitchen.
712
I was pretty sure she was still spying from outside.
713
Dude, why am I finding out from your mom's Facebook post that you got robbed last night?
714
Uh, because you're lame enough to follow my mom on Facebook?
715
You couldn't even bother texting me?
716
And seriously, what the heck is going on?
717
You've got hot women crawling all over you.
718
You vanished from the reunion last night without a word.
719
And now your house gets raided?
720
Zane, you watch too many movies.
721
There's nothing going on.
722
It was just a random break.
723
I checked the Instagram accounts of every community center in the area
724
and none of them have a play called Jamie's Angels coming up
725
Do you think I'm stupid?
726
You think I can't tell when my best friend's lying or acting like he's in witness protection?
727
I couldn't tell him the truth and involve him.
728
Zane, maybe just poke your nose out of my business for once
729
and get a life I don't have to tell you everything.
730
Okay, fine.
731
Be like that.
732
Some friend you are.
733
That hoodie you're wearing?
734
It's mine I want it back.
735
Seriously?
736
Yeah, seriously.
737
Give me it.
738
And then he literally started tugging it off my head
739
Oh my god, here, take your stupid hoodie.
740
Now my hoodie's stupid too.
741
Guess everyone's stupid for genius Jamie.
742
Wonder why you even bother being friends with the likes of me.
743
I felt terrible as I watched him walk away.
744
Wow, he's melodramatic.
745
But look at you being so harsh and telling him to get a life.
746
That was a bit much, wasn't it?
747
Ugh, I have to go apologize to him, Ava.
748
I mean, if something happens to me, this can't be our last conversation.
749
Just five minutes, please.
750
Ava reluctantly agreed to walk down with me to Zane's house, which was just a block away.
751
I spotted him rollerblading away sadly in the distance,
752
and I was about to call out to him when suddenly a black unmarked SUV cut around the corner.
753
Screech next to Zane, pulled him in, and drove off.
754
Zane!
755
They took him!
756
They took Zane!
757
Just then Brick came running down the street.
758
Saw it go down.
759
Already called for a trace.
760
Did they take him thinking he's me?
761
He was wearing the hoodie I'm always wearing.
762
When they realize he's not me, they'll let him go, right?
763
Or kill him to clean loose ends.
764
He's not valuable to them.
765
God, can you maybe care a little more right now and not talk like that?
766
That's Zane.
767
He's the only guy who's ever stood by me no matter what.
768
He's annoying and clingy, but I love that idiot, okay?
769
He got taken because of me.
770
I need you to stop being agents and start being human for like five minutes.
771
Well, get him back, Jamie.
772
His phone pinged at an industrial park six miles out.
773
It's not moving.
774
The team is watching over your house and parents for now, so let's go.
775
We reached the industrial park and tracked Zane's phone to a warehouse.
776
Oh, and Ava and Brick burst in, it was completely empty.
777
Except for a crate in the middle, with Zane's phone on it.
778
And then it started ringing.
779
I picked it up with trembling hands.
780
Hello?
781
Ah, Jamie.
782
There you are.
783
We were after you, but there seems to have been a little mix -up, and we got your useless little friend instead.
784
Bring the USB tonight to me.
785
No bodyguards.
786
No games.
787
No tricks.
788
Just you, or he dies.
789
The person hung up, and a message popped up on the screen with a pin location.
790
Things had suddenly just gone from absurd to absolutely terrifying.
791
But I had to get my friend back, no matter what.
792
I told Ava and Brick that there was no way I was risking Zane's life.
793
I had to go in with the real USB alone.
794
They were parked a few miles away with a strike team
795
and they could only go in once Zane and I were safely out.
796
I walked into the large, dusty factory building and saw glow -in -the -dark arrows on the ground, leading to the back wall.
797
As I stood facing it, a small scanner blinked to life and scanned my face.
798
Then there was a beep, and a hidden door slid open.
799
Jamie, it's so nice to meet you finally.
800
Allow me to introduce myself.
801
I'm Lucien, a private cybersecurity specialist, but I'm planning to go big with that little gift you've brought me.
802
I stepped forward to hand him the USB, but he gestured to a computer.
803
Not so fast.
804
Plug it into the system and decrypt the security code.
805
I know you've done it before.
806
I plugged it in, and the screen burst to life just as it did on my laptop.
807
You know, Marlow told me about Mantis years ago, and when he told me the CIA was going to shelve it,
808
I convinced him that it was too good to waste.
809
If the CIA or our government didn't want to use it, there would be many others in the world who would pay a fortune for it.
810
Sounds like you guys were friends.
811
Do you usually have your buddies nearly killed in an alley?
812
Only when they start disagreeing with me.
813
I had a feeling he was going to sell Mantis on his own to someone,
814
so I tried to get my hands on it before he could do that.
815
Just then I noticed a folder labeled
816
Security Slash Power Relays on the desktop, and I had a brainwave.
817
Uh, could you maybe move away and stop breathing down my neck, man?
818
I need a lot of focus to grade military -grade encryption.
819
Lucien smirked and stepped aside, and I quickly dove into the security folder, my fingers trembling as they flew over the keyboard.
820
Override initiated, disabling surveillance feed, shutting down power, shutting down all back exits.
821
And suddenly all the surveillance monitors blinked out, and the entire facility was plunged into darkness.
822
Oh man, what's with the power here?
823
I'd almost cracked the code.
824
Check the perimeter.
825
Go now.
826
And as soon as the guards opened the door, they got slammed back as Ava and Brick burst in with tactical backup.
827
Hands in the air.
828
Nobody move.
829
Hi boys.
830
Miss us.
831
Lucien was trying to make a run for it through a back exit, but it slammed shut in front of him.
832
Yeah, I like that.
833
Not so cool and smooth now, are we?
834
As the agents rounded up Lucien and his crew, I removed Zane's gag and untied him.
835
I watched too many movies, yeah?
836
I'm sorry I lied to you, buddy.
837
I was trying to protect you.
838
I'll tell you everything, but right now, I'm just so glad you're okay.
839
So, not only has the board of directors reinstated me and told me to resume classes immediately, they also handed me a check.
840
A very generous check for emotional damage and loss of academic opportunity.
841
What did you two do?
842
Me?
843
Almost nothing.
844
It was mostly brick.
845
You can be whiny and annoying, but I think you've grown on me.
846
I wouldn't kick butt just for anyone.
847
Please, you would absolutely kick butt for no reason.
848
Actually, that's true.
849
Have a good life, nerd.
850
Then she turned around and disappeared into the crowd, and I turned to Ava.
851
So this is it?
852
Yeah, I moved out this morning.
853
I told your parents we broke up, and we said our goodbyes.
854
Your mom was surprisingly cool about it, but your dad actually cried.
855
Wasn't expecting that.
856
Why does this fake breakup feel kinda real?
857
I know exactly what you mean.
858
I'm already assigned to a new mission and I leave for Belgium tomorrow.
859
But, since I'm not your babysitter anymore, there's no rules saying I can't take you out for a real date tonight.
860
One date, huh?
861
I'll take it.
862
But you better not bring a gun.
863
Oh, Jamie, that's non -negotiable.
864
We laughed.
865
And then she stepped forward and lightly kissed me.
866
On the lips!
867
Turns out when your life falls apart, it might be clearing the stage for something much better.
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このレッスンの語彙とスピーキングのポイント
このスピーキングレッスンは、動画「A Supermodel Faked Being My Girlfriend」を教材にしています。 この動画には、シャドーイング用の文が867文、単語が7226語あります。 音声の長さは33:20です。 話す速さは速く、1分あたり約217語です。音のつながりや弱く発音される音が多くなります。 英語の頻出3,000語に含まれる単語は78%だけなので、語彙は難しめです。 全867文のうち160文が疑問文なので、疑問文のイントネーションや短い受け答えの練習に向いています。
この動画の重要語彙
動画に出てくる覚えておきたい単語15語を、発音と意味つきで紹介します。
| 単語 | 発音 | 意味 |
|---|---|---|
| brick 名詞 | /ˈbɹɪk/ | 煉瓦 |
| alley 名詞 | /ˈæl.i/ | 裏通り, 路地 |
| burst 動詞 | /bɜːst/ | 破裂する |
| ordinary 形容詞 | /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/ | 通常な, 普通な |
| buddy | /ˈbʌdi/ | 仲間, 相棒 |
| breathe 動詞 | /bɹiːð/ | 呼吸する, 息をする |
| surveillance 名詞 | /sɚˈveɪ.ləns/ | 監視, サーベイランス |
| bedroom 名詞 | /ˈbɛdˌɹum/ | 寝室 |
| drag 動詞 | /dɹæɡ/ | 引く, 引きずる |
| laptop 名詞 | /ˈlæp.tɑp/ | ノートパソコン, ラップトップ |
| scholarship 名詞 | /ˈskɑːləɹʃɪp/ | 奨学金 |
| plug 名詞 | /plʌɡ/ | プラグ |
| loser 名詞 | /luzɚ/ | 敗者, 落とし主 |
| whoa | /woʊ/ | どう, どうどう |
| folder 名詞 | /ˈfoʊldɚ/ | フォルダ |
動画に出てくる句動詞
| 単語 | 発音 | 意味 |
|---|---|---|
| shut down 動詞 | シャットダウン | |
| shut up | /ʃʌt ʌp/ | だまれ, うるさい |
| stand up 動詞 | 立ち上がる | |
| come back 動詞 | 戻る, 帰る | |
| come up 動詞 | 上がる, 登る | |
| find out 動詞 | 見出す, 調べる | |
| get out 動詞 | 出て行く | |
| get up 動詞 | 起きる |
繰り返し練習したい文
動画に出てくる短く完結した文です。日常会話でそのまま使えます。
- You think they're coming for me?
- Let's test that, shall we?
- Do you think she's prettier than me?
- You're going through the garbage now?
- Why didn't you tell me about this?
この動画の文法
話し手がよく使っている文型を、動画の実際の表現とともに紹介します。
| 文型 | 動画での表現 |
|---|---|
| 現在完了進行形 have/has been + -ing — 以前に始まり今も続いている動作 | We've been dating · you've been dating · haven't been joining |
| 条件文 if + 節, will/would + 動詞 — 条件とその結果 | If you fumble, you'll shoot |
| 現在完了形 have/has + 過去分詞 — 過去の出来事が今も関係している | I've been · have looked · It's been |
| 受動態 be + 過去分詞 — 誰がするかより、何が起きるかに焦点を当てる | was caught · was designed · was shut |
注意したい発音
話し手はI'm, you're, don'tなど、短縮形や弱形を196回使っています。聞こえたとおりの短い形で発音しましょう。
- 「th」の音: breathe /bɹiːð/, bother /ˈbɑðɚ/, smooth /smuːð/, theater /ˈθi(ə)tɚ/, mathematics /mæθ(.ə)ˈmæt.ɪks/
- 「sh」と「zh」の音: scholarship /ˈskɑːləɹʃɪp/, encryption /ɪnˈkɹɪpʃən/, trash /tɹæʃ/, ratio /ˈɹeɪ.ʃoʊ/, specialist /ˈspɛʃəlɪst/
- 長い単語（アクセントの位置に注意）: ordinary /ˈɔɹdɪnɛɹi/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, difficulty /ˈdɪfɪkəlti/, mathematics /mæθ(.ə)ˈmæt.ɪks/
日本語話者が苦手な音：
- /r/ と /l/ の区別 — /l/ は舌先を歯茎につけ、/r/ はどこにもつけない: scholarship /ˈskɑːləɹʃɪp/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, reveal /ɹɪˈviːl/, parallel /ˈpæ.ɹəˌlɛl/, tremble /ˈtɹɛmbl̩/
- /v/ — /b/ にならないように、上の歯を下唇に当てる: surveillance /sɚˈveɪ.ləns/, brave /bɹeɪv/, covert /ˈkoʊvɚt/, impressive /ɪmˈpɹɛsɪv/, violent /ˈvaɪ.ə.lənt/
- /f/ — 「フ」ではなく、上の歯と下唇で出す: folder /ˈfoʊldɚ/, fence /fɛns/, fixing /ˈfɪksɪŋ/, selfie /ˈsɛlfi/, suffer /ˈsʌfɚ/
この動画での練習方法
- まず声を出さずに動画を最後まで聞き、知らない単語をメモします。
- まず0.75倍速で一文ずつシャドーイングし、慣れてきたら通常の速度に戻します。
- 自分の声を録音して元の音声と比べます。brick, alley, burstなどの単語に特に注意しましょう。
シャドーイングとは？英語上達に効果的な理由
シャドーイング（Shadowing）は、もともとプロの通訳者養成プログラムで開発された言語学習法で、多言語習得者として知られるDr. Alexander Arguelles によって広く普及されました。方法はシンプルですが非常に効果的：ネイティブスピーカーの英語を聞きながら、1〜2秒の遅延で声に出してすぐに繰り返す——まるで「影（shadow）」のように話者を追いかけます。文法ドリルや受動的なリスニングと異なり、シャドーイングは脳と口の筋肉が同時にリアルタイムで英語を処理・再現することを強制します。研究により、発音精度、抑揚、リズム、連音、リスニング力、そして会話の流暢さが大幅に向上することが確認されています。IELTSスピーキング対策や自然な英語コミュニケーションを目指す方に特におすすめです。