쉐도잉 연습: Emma Watson on Why She Stepped Away from Acting & Chose Healing Over Hollywood - YouTube로 영어 말하기 배우기
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So I can so relate to you personally on the idea of not having a blueprint and having to create my own.
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So I can so relate to you personally on the idea of not having a blueprint and having to create my own.
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And how often when you don't have a blueprint,
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you feel you have two choices.
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And that's where you feel torn.
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Whereas when you look at it as a whole and go,
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okay, well, now I get to craft my own narrative from this.
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And I may take a few pieces from here
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and a few pieces from here and I'm going to form my own puzzle.
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But I don't have to choose a path.
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yeah it's it's really beautiful when you when you do it
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but it's really hard in the beginning
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because it just feels like there are two parts
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and I wanted to talk about how much that's impacted you know your work
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and you you said there you said that one thing you mentioned
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that really stood out to me was you felt
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that acting was in some way escaping that kind of
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which version do I have to be and I think
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so much of what we do for work or so much of what we pursue as humans
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is based on something we're trying to build,
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create, maybe escape from, maybe to reveal something.
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And I think we haven't often looked at work that way.
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Like sometimes we choose a career because we know it will make our parents happy.
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And so we're living a pattern.
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Or sometimes you choose something because it breaks the pattern that you were growing up in.
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And it's fascinating to me to look at that.
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And for you, you were acting in school plays since you were a young girl.
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And was acting always something you were going to do?
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or do you feel like it was this cross-section of what was happening in your personal life
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that actually made that feel like the direction you would choose?
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I think it's so interesting that you said those words reveal
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and escape that they're kind of the same thing because I think that it all started with a poem.
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I did a poetry competition when I was nine called the Daisy poetry competition
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and I'm actually naturally quite a shy person and
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so actually for me to stand up in front of people feels like an out-of-body experience like there's so much adrenaline
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coursing through my veins that it does feel like a moment outside of time and I remember the exhilaration of
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of living the kind of ups and downs of this poem.
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And maybe because there wasn't space to have conversations or express myself at that time in the way that I needed to,
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I did it through performance.
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And I also did it as a way of getting to feel free for a moment of what I was,
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like the discomfort of that time of not quite knowing who I was or how to be in the world.
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And as I've become more healed and whole and more comfortable being myself,
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it's been interesting to ask myself,
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do you still need acting?
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Do you still need to act?
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Like, why?
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What are you doing that for?
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And like, it used to feel like almost like a compulsion that I needed to do it.
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And what's really interesting now is I don't feel quite that kind of urgency of needing to do it.
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And I wonder if it's because actually I have spaces where I can now take some of those feelings
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and talk about some of the things I don't think I
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had space to voice without doing it on camera in front of thousands of people.
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Yeah, which is scary in its own way, right?
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It's easy to think, oh, that makes sense.
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But then it's like, well,
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no, it's really challenging to do that second part,
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even if it makes sense rationally or logically.
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And was that what, in 2019,
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when you kind of pulled away,
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was your reason, I want to heal and work on myself,
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or was it actually, I don't feel a compulsion anymore?
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Like, was that the inflection point of doing some self-work,
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or was that the inflection point of, I need to pause?
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I realized I was drawing on painful stuff in my life that I was actually healing.
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And I didn't want to keep revisiting in order to do some of the more intense,
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scarier, sadder things that I had to do.
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I realized, I remember by Beth's deathbed by her graveside when we shot those films,
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because normally there are these painful memories that I would use for those moments.
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And I realized, I was like,
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I don't know if this is super great for me,
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actually, to keep revisiting these,
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or if I want to use these as my tools.
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And I don't think that means I'll never come back to acting.
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I think it just meant I was like,
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hmm, I wonder if there's a different way to do this.
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I think the second thing was,
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to be really honest, I was coming to those sets with an expectation that I think I had developed on Harry Potter,
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which was that the people I worked with were going to be my family,
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and that we were going to be lifelong friends.
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I came to work looking for friendship,
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and that was a very painful experience for me outside of Harry Potter and in Hollywood.
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Bone-breakingly painful.
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Because most people don't come to those environments looking for friendships,
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they're looking for, this is my chance,
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this is my role, this is what I want out of it,
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I'm focused, this is my job,
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this is my career, let's go.
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And I was not of that mindset.
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And so I found the rejection really painful.
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The friendship rejection, yeah.
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Yeah.
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I was like, I think it's so unusual to make a set of films for 12 years.
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And we were a community.
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We really were.
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And so I took that as an expectation into my other workplaces.
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And I just got my ass kicked.
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I really did.
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Was it competition?
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Was it envy?
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Was it just hierarchy? Was it?
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I think it was a combination.
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It was a Molotov cocktail of all of the above.
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As we mentioned earlier, I'm just not thick skinned.
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Maybe I just wasn't built for those kinds of highly competitive environments.
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It, yeah, it broke me.
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Yeah.
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But in a way, I'm proud that it did,
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because I guess that means I have something left to break.
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I have a heart left to break.
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So it was a hard learning,
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but I think there's something that I'm proud of in a way that there were certain things I couldn't withstand.
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I'd much rather keep my humanity.
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I'm managing to keep the tears inside.
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You need it.
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There is a tissue.
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But that's really kind of key.
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No, but I really appreciate you saying that.
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And I mean, it's so powerful to hear how you've processed it.
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Like just what you added there.
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because when I saw your voice change and just
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when you were expressing it and it hit me as you said it
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and I felt it and then the way you reflected on it kind of helped
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that feeling rise really beautifully because what you said is
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so true that if you were broken by a frequency of envy
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and competition and whatever else it was that's only proof
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that you were vibrating in a that didn't want to be pulled down into that.
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And it's so interesting, though,
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how when we break to those sorts of emotions and ideas,
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we feel we're the weak one.
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Yeah.
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When it's completely the opposite.
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That was the most painful thing, was I thought...
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I beat myself up for years afterwards,
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really thinking like, punishing myself saying you couldn't hack it,
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you weren't strong enough.
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And yeah, what bliss and what peace,
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I think, to understand that to have come out on top would have been a greater failure,
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I think, in terms of who I actually care about being.
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Yeah, it's almost like if you abandoned yourself in that moment in order to align with that new way of thinking,
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you'd probably beat yourself up more long term and have a much harder time.
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Yes, I think so.
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I don't know, I've just got to this place where it's just,
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if it costs me any part of my piece, it's just too expensive.
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and of course like there's opportunities that I think wow like
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that would be amazing and I care deeply about my work um
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but I think it's just I think I just used to
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completely sacrifice myself for whatever the thing was I was trying to achieve and
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that could be a grade it could be a movie it could be promoting I just was obsessed with excellence
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and doing everything giving my all to everything
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and doing it to the best of my ability
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and unless you have the right people around you that can hold
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that kind of level of commitment you're going to get smashed up you're just going to get crushed
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and so I think now it's just a case of me being like okay I know
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that for me to do anything I have to have people in the room
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that care about me more than whatever the product is
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or whatever the final product is and if
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that isn't the case I cannot be there
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because I'm just someone who like gives it all is how I'm built
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and I think understanding that makeup of myself and not punishing myself for
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that but just knowing it needs certain kinds of conditions is how I've come to hopefully,
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you know, I'll keep doing it forever and probably every day, but accepting myself.
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