शैडोइंग अभ्यास: Emma Watson on Why She Stepped Away from Acting & Chose Healing Over Hollywood - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

So I can so relate to you personally on the idea of not having a blueprint and having to create my own.

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So I can so relate to you personally on the idea of not having a blueprint and having to create my own.

And how often when you don't have a blueprint,

you feel you have two choices.

And that's where you feel torn.

Whereas when you look at it as a whole and go,

okay, well, now I get to craft my own narrative from this.

And I may take a few pieces from here

and a few pieces from here and I'm going to form my own puzzle.

But I don't have to choose a path.

yeah it's it's really beautiful when you when you do it

but it's really hard in the beginning

because it just feels like there are two parts

and I wanted to talk about how much that's impacted you know your work

and you you said there you said that one thing you mentioned

that really stood out to me was you felt

that acting was in some way escaping that kind of

which version do I have to be and I think

so much of what we do for work or so much of what we pursue as humans

is based on something we're trying to build,

create, maybe escape from, maybe to reveal something.

And I think we haven't often looked at work that way.

Like sometimes we choose a career because we know it will make our parents happy.

And so we're living a pattern.

Or sometimes you choose something because it breaks the pattern that you were growing up in.

And it's fascinating to me to look at that.

And for you, you were acting in school plays since you were a young girl.

And was acting always something you were going to do?

or do you feel like it was this cross-section of what was happening in your personal life

that actually made that feel like the direction you would choose?

I think it's so interesting that you said those words reveal

and escape that they're kind of the same thing because I think that it all started with a poem.

I did a poetry competition when I was nine called the Daisy poetry competition

and I'm actually naturally quite a shy person and

so actually for me to stand up in front of people feels like an out-of-body experience like there's so much adrenaline

coursing through my veins that it does feel like a moment outside of time and I remember the exhilaration of

of living the kind of ups and downs of this poem.

And maybe because there wasn't space to have conversations or express myself at that time in the way that I needed to,

I did it through performance.

And I also did it as a way of getting to feel free for a moment of what I was,

like the discomfort of that time of not quite knowing who I was or how to be in the world.

And as I've become more healed and whole and more comfortable being myself,

it's been interesting to ask myself,

do you still need acting?

Do you still need to act?

Like, why?

What are you doing that for?

And like, it used to feel like almost like a compulsion that I needed to do it.

And what's really interesting now is I don't feel quite that kind of urgency of needing to do it.

And I wonder if it's because actually I have spaces where I can now take some of those feelings

and talk about some of the things I don't think I

had space to voice without doing it on camera in front of thousands of people.

Yeah, which is scary in its own way, right?

It's easy to think, oh, that makes sense.

But then it's like, well,

no, it's really challenging to do that second part,

even if it makes sense rationally or logically.

And was that what, in 2019,

when you kind of pulled away,

was your reason, I want to heal and work on myself,

or was it actually, I don't feel a compulsion anymore?

Like, was that the inflection point of doing some self-work,

or was that the inflection point of, I need to pause?

I realized I was drawing on painful stuff in my life that I was actually healing.

And I didn't want to keep revisiting in order to do some of the more intense,

scarier, sadder things that I had to do.

I realized, I remember by Beth's deathbed by her graveside when we shot those films,

because normally there are these painful memories that I would use for those moments.

And I realized, I was like,

I don't know if this is super great for me,

actually, to keep revisiting these,

or if I want to use these as my tools.

And I don't think that means I'll never come back to acting.

I think it just meant I was like,

hmm, I wonder if there's a different way to do this.

I think the second thing was,

to be really honest, I was coming to those sets with an expectation that I think I had developed on Harry Potter,

which was that the people I worked with were going to be my family,

and that we were going to be lifelong friends.

I came to work looking for friendship,

and that was a very painful experience for me outside of Harry Potter and in Hollywood.

Bone-breakingly painful.

Because most people don't come to those environments looking for friendships,

they're looking for, this is my chance,

this is my role, this is what I want out of it,

I'm focused, this is my job,

this is my career, let's go.

And I was not of that mindset.

And so I found the rejection really painful.

The friendship rejection, yeah.

Yeah.

I was like, I think it's so unusual to make a set of films for 12 years.

And we were a community.

We really were.

And so I took that as an expectation into my other workplaces.

And I just got my ass kicked.

I really did.

Was it competition?

Was it envy?

Was it just hierarchy? Was it?

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I think it was a combination.

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It was a Molotov cocktail of all of the above.

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As we mentioned earlier, I'm just not thick skinned.

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Maybe I just wasn't built for those kinds of highly competitive environments.

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It, yeah, it broke me.

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Yeah.

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But in a way, I'm proud that it did,

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because I guess that means I have something left to break.

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I have a heart left to break.

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So it was a hard learning,

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but I think there's something that I'm proud of in a way that there were certain things I couldn't withstand.

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I'd much rather keep my humanity.

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I'm managing to keep the tears inside.

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You need it.

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There is a tissue.

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But that's really kind of key.

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No, but I really appreciate you saying that.

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And I mean, it's so powerful to hear how you've processed it.

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Like just what you added there.

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because when I saw your voice change and just

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when you were expressing it and it hit me as you said it

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and I felt it and then the way you reflected on it kind of helped

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that feeling rise really beautifully because what you said is

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so true that if you were broken by a frequency of envy

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and competition and whatever else it was that's only proof

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that you were vibrating in a that didn't want to be pulled down into that.

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And it's so interesting, though,

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how when we break to those sorts of emotions and ideas,

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we feel we're the weak one.

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Yeah.

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When it's completely the opposite.

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That was the most painful thing, was I thought...

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I beat myself up for years afterwards,

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really thinking like, punishing myself saying you couldn't hack it,

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you weren't strong enough.

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And yeah, what bliss and what peace,

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I think, to understand that to have come out on top would have been a greater failure,

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I think, in terms of who I actually care about being.

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Yeah, it's almost like if you abandoned yourself in that moment in order to align with that new way of thinking,

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you'd probably beat yourself up more long term and have a much harder time.

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Yes, I think so.

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I don't know, I've just got to this place where it's just,

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if it costs me any part of my piece, it's just too expensive.

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and of course like there's opportunities that I think wow like

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that would be amazing and I care deeply about my work um

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but I think it's just I think I just used to

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completely sacrifice myself for whatever the thing was I was trying to achieve and

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that could be a grade it could be a movie it could be promoting I just was obsessed with excellence

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and doing everything giving my all to everything

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and doing it to the best of my ability

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and unless you have the right people around you that can hold

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that kind of level of commitment you're going to get smashed up you're just going to get crushed

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and so I think now it's just a case of me being like okay I know

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that for me to do anything I have to have people in the room

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that care about me more than whatever the product is

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or whatever the final product is and if

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that isn't the case I cannot be there

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because I'm just someone who like gives it all is how I'm built

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and I think understanding that makeup of myself and not punishing myself for

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that but just knowing it needs certain kinds of conditions is how I've come to hopefully,

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you know, I'll keep doing it forever and probably every day, but accepting myself.

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