쉐도잉 연습: When an Anxious Attachment Dates an Avoidant - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기
레슨 만드는 중...
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Let's be so real right now.
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If you're not already in a happy relationship, chances are you're looking for the one.
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Your soulmate.
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Your peanut butter to your jelly.
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Depending on how you were raised, you may have developed a particular attachment style which we, unfortunately, bring with us into the dating search.
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We've talked about them before on this channel, but let's recap the four main attachment styles.
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Secure.
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A long and healthy relationship.
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This is the one we all strive for.
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Avoidant.
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Can't build long-term relationships, avoids any type of intimacy.
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Anxious, codependent and scared of rejection or abandonment.
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Disorganized, trouble trusting others and changing behaviors.
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We're going to focus on avoidant and anxious attachments
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and we'll see what happens when these two attachment styles end up in a relationship.
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You want a hug?
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Ew.
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Avoidant attachment is arguably the most difficult attachment style to have a relationship with.
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Like the other attachment styles, it's developed due to the way their caregivers raised them.
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This doesn't mean their caregivers ignored or avoided their child.
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The caregivers avoided any display of emotion or intimacy with a child.
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Think of a child falling down, scraping their knee, and crying.
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Sometimes, children cry out of fear or shock, not necessarily due to pain.
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Adults know this.
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Instead of comforting the child and helping them realize that they're alright, the caregivers may see something like, you'd better stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about.
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This lets the child know that what just happened isn't a valid reason for tears, and crying should be reprimanded.
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In the future, the child may not want to show sadness or let see them cry.
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This is also the same for parents who may not give hugs or physical intimacy to their child.
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In an adult relationship, avoidant attachment can show up as a strong sense of independence, avoiding emotional or physical intimacy,
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feeling threatened by anyone who attempts to be close, and a belief that they don't need anyone.
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Are we out of the woods?
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Taylor Swift's song, Out of the Woods, was a bit of a controversial one when it came out.
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For such a talented lyricist, a lot of people were disappointed with the chorus.
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If you haven't heard it, the song's chorus is just Taylor repeating, Are we out of the woods? and Are we in the clear?
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At first glance, it seems a little easy, but once I found out the reason, I was gagged.
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They depict the level of anxiety
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and codependency in a toxic relationship the lines were repeated over
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and over to mimic the cyclical feeling of the relationship's ups and downs.
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This is a great way to describe anxious attachment.
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Those with anxious attachment may have had caregivers that went from being attentive to indifferent to the child.
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These caregivers may have also gone overwhelmed easily or possibly blamed the child for being the reason why they're overwhelmed or upset.
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In a relationship, an anxious attachment can manifest as being clingy to their partner, needing approval from their partner, being scared of actual or perceived criticism and judgement,
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and having feelings of unworthiness.
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Put them together and what do we have?
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The dating world is crazy and beautiful all at once.
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One of the beautiful things is that we get to meet people from all walks of life.
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The crazy thing is that we have to find ways to work together to create that healthy relationship.
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What if an anxious attachment, let's name her Amy, and an avoidant attachment, let's name him Mark, got together?
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What would happen?
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As an avoidant, Mark never received any signs of physical or emotional intimacy from his caregivers.
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Whenever Amy goes to give him a hug or a kiss just because, he moves out of the way or cringes.
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Because Amy is incredibly sensitive to rejection, she now believes that Mark is upset with her or possibly doesn't love her anymore.
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As an anxious attachment with codependent tendencies, Amy wants Mark to come with her to the grocery store.
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She figures they can make a day out of it.
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Mark immediately declines because he can do his errands on his own.
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So should Amy.
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These two consistently trigger past wounds from each other's childhood, but they don't realize it.
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They're also not communicating these pain points with each other.
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Unfortunately, if they don't communicate, they will continue unknowingly hurting and invalidating each other.
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In the relationship, it will quickly spiral into an unhealthy, toxic one.
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I don't know about you, but Amy and Mark's relationship seemed miserable.
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Now let's clarify that any kind of individual with any kind of attachment style can be in a relationship with anyone.
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However, the trick is to communicate with your partner
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and even a mental health professional to see how you can work through your attachment style
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and how to make work with your partner.
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Have you ever been in this relationship dynamic?
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Should we do another video like this with another combo of attachment styles?
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Let us know in the comments.
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And don't forget to like, subscribe, and share with a friend.
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See you next time.
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이 레슨에 대해
"When an Anxious Attachment Dates an Avoidant"으로 쉐도잉 기법을 사용해 영어를 연습합니다.
매일 15~30분 꾸준히 연습하면 IELTS 스피킹에 대한 자신감이 길러집니다.
쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법
쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.