Shadowing Practice: When an Anxious Attachment Dates an Avoidant - Learn English Speaking with Video

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70 משפטים
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Let's be so real right now.
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If you're not already in a happy relationship, chances are you're looking for the one.
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Your soulmate.
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Your peanut butter to your jelly.
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Depending on how you were raised, you may have developed a particular attachment style which we, unfortunately, bring with us into the dating search.
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We've talked about them before on this channel, but let's recap the four main attachment styles.
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Secure.
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A long and healthy relationship.
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This is the one we all strive for.
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Avoidant.
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Can't build long-term relationships, avoids any type of intimacy.
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Anxious, codependent and scared of rejection or abandonment.
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Disorganized, trouble trusting others and changing behaviors.
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We're going to focus on avoidant and anxious attachments
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and we'll see what happens when these two attachment styles end up in a relationship.
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You want a hug?
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Ew.
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Avoidant attachment is arguably the most difficult attachment style to have a relationship with.
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Like the other attachment styles, it's developed due to the way their caregivers raised them.
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This doesn't mean their caregivers ignored or avoided their child.
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The caregivers avoided any display of emotion or intimacy with a child.
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Think of a child falling down, scraping their knee, and crying.
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Sometimes, children cry out of fear or shock, not necessarily due to pain.
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Adults know this.
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Instead of comforting the child and helping them realize that they're alright, the caregivers may see something like, you'd better stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about.
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This lets the child know that what just happened isn't a valid reason for tears, and crying should be reprimanded.
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In the future, the child may not want to show sadness or let see them cry.
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This is also the same for parents who may not give hugs or physical intimacy to their child.
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In an adult relationship, avoidant attachment can show up as a strong sense of independence, avoiding emotional or physical intimacy,
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feeling threatened by anyone who attempts to be close, and a belief that they don't need anyone.
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Are we out of the woods?
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Taylor Swift's song, Out of the Woods, was a bit of a controversial one when it came out.
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For such a talented lyricist, a lot of people were disappointed with the chorus.
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If you haven't heard it, the song's chorus is just Taylor repeating, Are we out of the woods? and Are we in the clear?
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At first glance, it seems a little easy, but once I found out the reason, I was gagged.
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They depict the level of anxiety
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and codependency in a toxic relationship the lines were repeated over
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and over to mimic the cyclical feeling of the relationship's ups and downs.
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This is a great way to describe anxious attachment.
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Those with anxious attachment may have had caregivers that went from being attentive to indifferent to the child.
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These caregivers may have also gone overwhelmed easily or possibly blamed the child for being the reason why they're overwhelmed or upset.
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In a relationship, an anxious attachment can manifest as being clingy to their partner, needing approval from their partner, being scared of actual or perceived criticism and judgement,
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and having feelings of unworthiness.
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Put them together and what do we have?
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The dating world is crazy and beautiful all at once.
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One of the beautiful things is that we get to meet people from all walks of life.
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The crazy thing is that we have to find ways to work together to create that healthy relationship.
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What if an anxious attachment, let's name her Amy, and an avoidant attachment, let's name him Mark, got together?
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What would happen?
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As an avoidant, Mark never received any signs of physical or emotional intimacy from his caregivers.
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Whenever Amy goes to give him a hug or a kiss just because, he moves out of the way or cringes.
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Because Amy is incredibly sensitive to rejection, she now believes that Mark is upset with her or possibly doesn't love her anymore.
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As an anxious attachment with codependent tendencies, Amy wants Mark to come with her to the grocery store.
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She figures they can make a day out of it.
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Mark immediately declines because he can do his errands on his own.
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So should Amy.
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These two consistently trigger past wounds from each other's childhood, but they don't realize it.
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They're also not communicating these pain points with each other.
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Unfortunately, if they don't communicate, they will continue unknowingly hurting and invalidating each other.
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In the relationship, it will quickly spiral into an unhealthy, toxic one.
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I don't know about you, but Amy and Mark's relationship seemed miserable.
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Now let's clarify that any kind of individual with any kind of attachment style can be in a relationship with anyone.
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However, the trick is to communicate with your partner
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and even a mental health professional to see how you can work through your attachment style
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and how to make work with your partner.
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Have you ever been in this relationship dynamic?
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Should we do another video like this with another combo of attachment styles?
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Let us know in the comments.
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And don't forget to like, subscribe, and share with a friend.
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See you next time.

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אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה

שיעור הדיבור הזה ברמה B2 מבוסס על הסרטון “When an Anxious Attachment Dates an Avoidant”. המילים שחוזרות הכי הרבה: attachment, relationship, style, caregivers, anxious. בסרטון הזה יש 70 משפטים ו-865 מילים לתרגול Shadowing. הדיבור נמשך 4:29. הדובר מדבר מהר, כ-193 מילים בדקה, אז צפו לצלילים מחוברים ומקוצרים. רק 79% מהמילים נמצאות בין 3,000 המילים הנפוצות ביותר באנגלית, כך שאוצר המילים מאתגר.

אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה

15 המילים המתקדמות ביותר בסרטון, עם ההגייה והמשמעות שלהן:

מילההגייהמשמעות
anxious שם תואר/ˈæŋkʃəs/חָרֵד
abandonment שם עצם/əˈbæn.d(ə)n.m(ə)nt/נטישה, הפקרה
errand שם עצם/ˈɛɹənd/שְׁלִיחוּת
indifferent שם תואר/ɪnˈdɪf.ɹənt/אָדִישׁ
reprimand שם עצם/ˈɹɛpɹɪmɑːnd/נזיפה
clarify פועל/ˈklæɹ.ɪ.faɪ/הבהיר
sadness שם עצם/ˈsædnəs/עצב
peanut שם עצם/ˈpiˌnʌt/בוֹטֵן, אגוז אדמה
threaten פועל/ˈθɹɛt.n̩/איים
tendency שם עצם/ˈtɛn.dən.si/נטייה \ נְטִיָּה
subscribe פועל/səbˈskɹaɪb/נִמְנָה
miserable שם תואר/ˈmɪz(ə)ɹəbəl/אֻמְלָל, מסכן
hug פועל/hʌɡ/חיבק \ חִבֵּק, חָבַק
emotion שם עצם/ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/רֶגֶשׁ
depend פועל/dɪˈpɛnd/היה תלוי

Phrasal verbs שתשמעו

מילההגייהמשמעות
come out פועל/ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/יָצָא

משפטים שכדאי לחזור עליהם

משפטים קצרים ושלמים מהסרטון שאפשר להשתמש בהם בשיחה יומיומית:

  • Let's be so real right now.
  • You want a hug?
  • Are we out of the woods?
  • Put them together and what do we have?
  • Have you ever been in this relationship dynamic?

דקדוק בסרטון הזה

המבנים שהדובר משתמש בהם הכי הרבה, עם המילים המדויקות מהסרטון:

מבנהבסרטון
סביל (Passive voice) be + past participle — הדגש הוא על מה שקורה, לא על מי שעושה את הפעולהwere raised · should be reprimanded · was gagged
הווה מושלם (Present perfect) have/has + past participle — פעולה שקרתה בעבר ועדיין יש לה חשיבות או השפעה עכשיוWe've talked · haven't heard · Have you ever been

הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה

הדובר משתמש ב-20 קיצורים וצורות מקוצרות, כמו don't, they're, doesn't. אמרו אותם בצורה הקצרה, כפי שאתם שומעים אותם.

  • הצלילים של “th”: unhealthy /ʌnˈhɛl.θi/, threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/
  • הצלילים של “sh” ו-“zh”: anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, rejection /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/
  • מילים ארוכות — שימו לב להטעמה: intimacy /ˈɪn.tɪ.mə.si/, abandonment /əˈbæn.d(ə)n.m(ə)nt/, disorganized /dɪsˈɔːɡənaɪzd/, invalidate /ɪnˈvæl.əˌdeɪt/, unknowingly /ʌnˈnəʊ.ɪŋ.li/

צלילים שדוברי עברית מתקשים בהם:

  • /æ/ — פתוח יותר מה-“אֶ” העברית, לא כמו “a” ב-“cup”: attachment /əˈtæt͡ʃmənt/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, abandonment /əˈbæn.d(ə)n.m(ə)nt/, invalidate /ɪnˈvæl.əˌdeɪt/, gag /ɡæɡ/
  • /r/ — הלשון לא נוגעת בשום מקום, לא ה-“ר” הגרונית: caregiver /ˈkɛɹɡɪvɚ/, rejection /ɹɪˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/, chorus /ˈkɔːɹəs/, errand /ˈɛɹənd/, indifferent /ɪnˈdɪf.ɹənt/
  • עיצור קולי בסוף מילה — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ בלי להפוך אותם לאטומים: attentive /əˈtɛntɪv/, disorganized /dɪsˈɔːɡənaɪzd/, errand /ˈɛɹənd/, reprimand /ˈɹɛpɹɪmɑːnd/, gag /ɡæɡ/

איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה

  1. הקשיבו לכל הסרטון פעם אחת בלי לדבר, ורשמו את המילים שאתם לא מכירים.
  2. התחילו במהירות 0.75×, תרגלו Shadowing משפט אחר משפט, וחזרו למהירות רגילה כשזה מרגיש קל.
  3. הקליטו את עצמכם והשוו למקור, תוך תשומת לב למילים כמו anxious, abandonment, errand.

מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?

שאדואינג היא טכניקת למידת שפה מבוססת מדע שפותחה במקור להכשרת מתורגמנים מקצועיים ופופולרית על ידי הפוליגלוט ד"ר אלכסנדר ארגואלס. השיטה פשוטה אך עוצמתית: אתה מקשיב לאודיו באנגלית ילידית וחוזר עליו בקול רם מיד — כמו צל העוקב אחרי הדובר עם עיכוב של 1–2 שניות בלבד. בניגוד להאזנה פסיבית או תרגילי דקדוק, שאדואינג מכריח את המוח והשרירים בפה לעבד ולשחזר דפוסי דיבור אמיתיים בו זמנית. מחקרים מראים שזה משפר משמעותית את דיוק ההגייה, האינטונציה, הקצב, הדיבור המחובר, הבנת השמיעה ושטף הדיבור — מה שהופך אותו לאחת השיטות היעילות ביותר להכנה לIELTS Speaking ולתקשורת באנגלית בעולם האמיתי.

טכניקת Shadowing: קרא את המדריך המלא שלב אחר שלב →