Shadowing Practice: why you care too much - Learn English Speaking with Video

Every time you talk to someone, you spend the rest of the day thinking about it.

They give you a short answer, and you think they hate you.

They don't text back fast enough, and you start freaking out.

You are looking for reasons to think people don't like you.

The last four years of my life, I've apologized for, I think, everything.

Like, just saying sorry constantly.

Someone would bump into me when they could have just gone around me while I was standing still, and I'd say sorry.

I would have my own opinions and strong beliefs about something, and I'd backtrack like, but I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.

I would text someone and if they didn't respond in like, I don't know, an hour, I'd convince myself they hated me.

And the craziest part is I didn't realize I was doing it or it was even a problem to begin with.

I just thought that's how everyone was.

Like everyone worries what people think.

Everyone replays conversations in their head at 2am.

But then I remember this one time, I was probably 16 or 17 and I posted something on Instagram and I had a couple followers from the school.

A lot of people from a new school that I moved to.

In about a day, no one liked that photo and it was so embarrassing and I just felt like, wow, I thought I knew these people.

I took that to heart.

I thought maybe, you know, these people really don't care about me.

They must hate me.

Maybe I said something to a couple people to make them mad and I don't know, maybe they just don't like me anymore.

So I spent the weekend just like torturing myself like two days I was convinced

that these people who I barely even talked to like I barely talked to these people were judging me

or just you know didn't care they didn't like my stuff I didn't realize it then

but I realize it now that that was a serious problem

and it definitely started when I was younger don't exactly know

when but it had to be elementary you know I wasn't the loudest kid

or like the most popular but I was friendly with everyone

and I think that's because I was terrified of anyone not liking me.

I would change how I acted depending on who I was around.

If I was with one group of friends, I'd act another way.

You know, there's group A, group B, group C.

I was just kind of adapting to whatever I thought people wanted from me and for a while it worked.

Middle school definitely worked.

People liked me.

I had friends, I fit in, but the problem was I had no idea who I actually was.

Like if you asked me what my actual opinions were on anything at that point, I probably couldn't tell you.

Or I probably could, but it wouldn't be my own opinions.

It'd be whatever group I'm with because my opinions were just whatever the people around me thought.

And I didn't realize how exhausting it was going to be trying to keep up with it.

Because when you're constantly performing, you're like a jester, constantly monitoring yourself, worrying about how you're going to be perceived or looked at,

your brain just never shuts off.

Like you can't relax.

You can't be present in the moment.

Can't be chill.

I remember being with like a group of friends going to their house and you know, every interaction I had with them, I was very, you know, I was analyzing everything.

Someone would laugh at something I said

and I would spend like 10 minutes trying to figure out if they were laughing with me or at me.

I had to constantly be aware of how I was coming across people.

And the thing that made it worse, right, is that I was good at hiding it.

Like, it sounds somewhat emo, but, like, on the outside, I seemed fine, like, confident even.

But inside, dude, I was thinking about a lot.

Just constantly second-guessing everything.

Because there was a lot of people that I would talk to, and I was basically just performing.

And so the worst part about caring too much is that you start losing yourself.

And I don't mean that in, like, a deep philosophical way.

I mean like literally you forget who you are.

Because when you spend all the time trying to be what other people want, you stop knowing what you want.

You stop having your own opinions, your own style, your own interest.

And that was the biggest thing ever in high school.

Like I had no, according to some people, you had no style.

I had to be like them and another group had to be like them.

Not like had to, but you know, I wore shorts and a hoodie like all the time

And it would definitely be like picked at

but I realistically did not want to dress like the people I hanged out with

because It it not my style I'll say not my style

and I'm glad I didn't get dragged into that But with me

and a lot of people you become this kind of blank slate

that molds itself to whoever you're around Like I'm not a mean person

But I would be mean to specific people

if my friends were being mean to these specific people But then when I'm not with that group, I'm a pretty nice guy and I started noticing this when I make decisions too

Like I would try to figure out what I wanted to do with my life

and I realized I had no idea what I actually wanted

Because every decision I made was based on what other people

would think like I remember thinking about what to major in And my thought process wasn't you know, what do I want to do?

It was what looks good?

What looks impressive?

What would you know my friends think is not lame not weird?

And so I would end up choosing something I didn't even care about

because it sounded good when I told people but it really doesn't matter because I didn't go to college anyway, but it wasn't just with college.

It was even jobs, hobbies.

Nothing was based on what I wanted.

It was all designed to get approval.

And the thing is the people whose approval I was chasing Didn't even care.

I was stressing about impressing people who probably didn't remember or don't remember my name But you know, I convinced myself that everyone was watching.

Everyone was judging

Everyone cared when the reality is

that most people are too busy worrying about themselves themselves and right now I currently am too busy worrying about myself.

I do not care really about other people.

I don't care what they do, what they say.

I'm still in the process of trying to figure out what I want to do

and apparently I also became a people pleaser which I'll be honest at the beginning I swear it sounded pretty good.

I thought that was a good thing.

It's actually horrible.

It's actually very bad because when you're a people pleaser you say yes to everything even when you don't want to,

even when it hurts you because saying no feels impossible.

I would have friends ask me to do stuff and I'd say, yeah, even if I was like exhausted, even if I had other plans, even if I genuinely didn't want to go

or didn't want to do whatever it is because I couldn't handle the thought of disappointing people.

And at first people kind of like that about me.

At least I think like I was the reliable friend, the one who was always down, you know, the one who never caused problems, the one that never said no. But over time,

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I realized people were kind of taking advantage of it.

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Like they would, like they knew I'd say yes.

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So they keep asking and I'd keep saying yes.

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And I'd keep burning myself out.

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It could have been anything.

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I hated specific people.

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And when they asked me for test answers and I had them for myself, but you know what happened?

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I'd give them, you know, my little, my little paper and they never gave it back to me

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and they kept sharing it to all their other friends and no one gave it back to me.

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And that happened a lot with a lot of other things.

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Homework, any class assignments, you can name it, anything.

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At the time I had Snapchat, everyone added me just to kind of get my answers.

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That's it.

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But in my head Saying no meant they wouldn't like me anymore.

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I have no idea why I cared and I think the turning point had to be

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Probably like a year and a half ago

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But I was with my quote-unquote friends at like a fair

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because I know like one of them But since you know I was

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so nice I considered everybody my friend and that's like 14 15 people

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when really one of them is like my really close friend

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everyone was talking to each other you know cracking jokes

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that were very inside like i had no idea what they were talking about

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because they have their own lives like i knew these people

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but i wasn't i wasn't friends with them you know i

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wasn't as close as i thought apparently in my head i don't know what i was thinking

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but you know but it just happens when you're so nice

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so i had like 200 that night well after i had five dollars i played a I played one game and yeah,

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I suck at throwing stuff.

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So I missed it was like pins Missed horribly.

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I was like ah whatever because it was like $15 a game insane after not talking to me for like 30 minutes

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Everyone asked me can I play a game?

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Can I play can I play?

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I said yeah, then after the fact you know everyone's done playing their games.

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I don't think anyone thanked me at all I'm starting to think about it.

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No one thanked me.

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We walked around more and there was a it was lemonade and apparently You know it's pretty good lemonade.

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I say apparently because I didn't get to try any some person asked me Hey, can I have some money get some lemonade?

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I said sure and it was like

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$7 then the next person asked me then the next and I said yes to every

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single person and then when I had five bucks left I I couldn't even get my own lemonade.

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So what did I do?

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Nothing.

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I did nothing.

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But like there was 15 people.

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They asked me, you know, hey, can I have some money?

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And then only my close friend said, thank you.

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So I went home, looked at my wallet, saw my $5.

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Because the $200 I had was like hard work money.

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But it was me helping someone.

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That's how I got the money.

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And that was like two days of work.

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Wasted.

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completely wasted on people that I do not give a fuck about

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but then later that night I got a screenshot from my friend uh from a group chat

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and it was all of them the people

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that you know asked for money basically saying

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that they played me like a fiddle

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so I turned my phone off I started playing siege and

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and my brain started moving you know the cog started turning and after that day I started trying to say no, but not even with just no,

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even impressing people or apologizing for things that aren't my fault.

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And it was hard.

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It was way harder than I thought it would be.

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The first thing I did was I started noticing when I was doing it.

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Like every time I caught myself overthinking something or worrying about someone's thought, I would just not, well, I would try just to not care.

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But since, you know, I'm a people pleaser, I had to take that extra step and ask myself, like, does this actually matter?

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Does this person matter?

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Does this person's opinion actually affect my life?

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And I'll tell you, most of the time, the answer is no. I'd be stressing about some random person I barely know.

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And from there, I started saying no. Like, at first, I felt kind of sick.

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Very anxious.

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I was very anxious about it.

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Because, like, my brain was convinced something bad was going to happen, but nothing happened.

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Most people I say most because some people do care if you say no, but most, they don't really care.

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Especially if they don't know who you are.

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They just ask someone else.

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Like I made the rule for myself to only say sorry if I actually did something wrong.

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Or I was in like the shoulder of a walkway when everything's open and someone like hits my shoulder, like slams it.

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Oh yeah, sorry dude.

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What?

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No, or like just

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because I had an opinion like I had to physically stop myself from saying sorry

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or taking back something I said because I did that a lot and you know slowly

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Things would start to change and the first thing you'd notice is that some people

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Won't like the new version of you like the people who were used to me saying yes

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Always going along with things or whatever it is.

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They didn't like that I was you know standing up for myself basically standing up for myself Yeah, like they didn't like that.

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I wouldn't go along with their jokes

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And it really shows who actually cares about you

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because the people who stuck around were the people who liked me for me Not what I did for them.

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I also started making like way better decisions Like I'd stop choosing things based on how they looked

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and start choosing things based on what I actually wanted me being able to chill out

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Definitely got easier because I constantly didn't really care what I said

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or did I wasn't replaying conversations in my head I wasn't worried about every little thing

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and I started being myself like the actual version of me not the performative

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You know jester basically because

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when I moved to this new school I was Trying to stand out very hard too much

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because when I started doing that my grades did they slipped They were getting bad.

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I graduated with a pretty good GPA, but freshman year horrible horrible horrible But after graduating high school,

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a lot of people, surprisingly, no one talked to me.

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Except like maybe 10 people out of a lot of people that I would talk to that I thought were my friends.

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And that's just kind of what happens when you're so nice and you consider everyone friends.

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Like even at work, you know, oh, I talked to this person once and they were nice to me.

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That's my friend.

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No, they're not.

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That's a coworker just being nice.

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That's really it.

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And most of you guys are probably in school.

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So in class if someone just talks to you once they're not your friend You can try to be friends with them,

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but just know it's not a guarantee But uh anyway, I used to care a lot,

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you know way too much I hope you guys learn something about me being an idiot

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and being a people pleaser It's been a while since I posted and I'm very sorry about it.

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I've been so busy unbelievably busy, but dude videos have been doing amazing.

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Like, they've been doing so good.

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Like, every comment I get is just...

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It's nice.

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It's sweet.

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Like, all you guys are nice.

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And I just wanted to thank all the new people that subscribed and, you know, hopefully stay.

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And if you just got this video and you're watching it, please subscribe.

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I want to reach 100k by the end of this year.

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That's like...

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It's a lot.

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But, you know, it's worth a shot.

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And if you want to further support me, I have a buy me a coffee link in the description.

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And I hope you guys are having a great day.

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And I will see you guys very soon.

📺 Zelfde Kanaal

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Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?

Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.

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Shadowing Practice: why you care too much - Learn English Speaking with Video

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