Shadowing Practice: KENDALL JENNER ON: Setting Boundaries & Putting Yourself First For SUCCESS & HAPPINESS | Jay Shetty - Learn English Speaking with YouTube

What would you say for you as being one of your like proudest moments

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What would you say for you as being one of your like proudest moments

or greatest achievements or something that you really feel like?

And internally, I mean, for the basis of our conversation,

like something that really brings you joy internally when you think about it or when you had it.

Like I said, I look back and the things that I've accomplished,

just even my job.

Like I think I really at one point

when I was younger decided I want to be a model and this is what I want to do.

And the fact that I executed,

because we talk about that determination,

I was 14 years old when I kind of made that decision and was like,

this is what I want to do.

And I went to my mom and I was like,

please help me do this.

And I didn't stop until I was 24,

that I was like, okay,

I think I need to take it back a notch,

which we can also get into,

because that's a very dramatic story.

But I just knew, and I think I'm proud of myself

for being that kid and being determined to do that

and then executing and doing it to the level that I had done it and that I guess I still do.

But I also am proud of,

I think, more so the self work that I've done within that process.

Because there was a long period of time,

I'd say the core five years of it,

that I was extremely overworked,

not my happiest, not because I wasn't doing what I loved,

but just because I was overwhelmed and I was,

I felt like I was saying yes to everything because I felt really,

really grateful and really honored to be in the position that I was in.

So I was always saying yes.

And it just took a lot out of me to the point where I just wasn't happy anymore.

And so I had to set those boundaries for myself when I was about 23,

24, I'd say like what,

a year before the pandemic.

So yeah, I was probably 23.

I really set boundaries for myself and I was like,

I want to continue to do this because this is what I love.

But I need to start saying no when I can and prioritizing me and prioritizing like,

you know, my happiness and my well-being.

And it has done wonders for me.

Like, I feel like I can show up better for myself

and I can show up a better person for the people that get to be around me that day.

And, you know, that I work with on that day. So, yeah.

That's what I'm proud of.

Sorry to give you a long answer to your question.

That's amazing.

I won't say I was hoping for that because I'm always open to wherever anyone's life experience goes,

but there's a part of me that loves hearing that.

I really appreciate hearing that because when you've achieved so many incredible things in your career,

which you have, to then say,

well, this is the part,

knowing how to navigate it or making the right choices at the right time.

Healthy balance.

The healthy balance.

It's so important.

It's important for all of us.

yeah like we have to this is what we're prioritizing you know yeah

so how did you find the courage to do

that at the 23 mark as you're saying you're in a

competitive industry as you said it was overworking it's fast paced i'm guessing there's comparison in

that industry there's competition in

that industry it's not an easy space to be you're of

course you know you're in the top 0.01 percent in your industry

so it's hard and the reason i ask this is because I work with so many people in this space,

and to have the courage to say,

no, I know that if I sort this out,

then all of this is going to be just fine.

That actually takes more courage than we recognize.

We realize that when you have nothing,

then there's nothing to lose.

You can actually have a lot of courage.

But when you have everything and there's everything to lose,

and a lot of the time,

at least what I've heard in town is,

you know, older managers and agents,

and I'm not saying you have any of this,

but people that I know will be told,

well, hey, if you don't do this,

like you'll be forgotten next year,

or, you know, your career is only going to last another six months.

how did you have

that courage to say no no no I need to do this like where did

that come from and I think that it's interesting like I've never thought about it

that way to be completely honest with you I just knew

that if I had gone any further

that I was going to lose myself I was at

that very I was on the teeter-totter edge of

that point where had I gone any further I was probably not going to be great.

It was so important to me to feel good that I just knew that it was something that I had to do.

And I can't say like, you're absolutely right.

Like there were so many people around me that had told me not to say no and told or told me,

yeah, told me not to say no,

told me not to stop.

I fought my way out of it a little bit because there were people that had worked for me that,

you know, didn't want me to stop because it might have benefited them.

But I got to that point and I just knew I had to do it.

And I just I don't know.

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I don't know how to explain it, I guess.

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It was just such an unbelievable sensation that I had where I knew that if I do this,

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I'm going to be better for everyone and I'm going to be better for myself,

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which means I'm going to be better for the people around me and I have to do this.

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And so it wasn't really,

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I want to be able to live with happiness.

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God forbid any of this ever went away.

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And I think that that was a big moment for me of being like,

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I'm going to be okay if I don't get this job tomorrow.

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And I'm going to be okay if I don't get that job in a month.

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If I have to take this time to do whatever,

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things will come, everything's going to work out the way it's supposed to.

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And I had to trust that.

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Yeah.

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Well, to me, from the outside,

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and it's beautiful that you didn't see it in yourself because

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that makes it even more wonderful but the idea

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that to me from the outset that's a lot of courage

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yeah it takes a lot of courage it takes a lot of vulnerability

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and openness and

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and it takes courage at every level whether someone's thinking about quitting their job to do something they love

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or whether someone's trying to relocate their family and doesn't know how

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or whether someone like you is feeling success

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but then going well wait a minute

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and i think in the past few years we've seen athletes

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and musicians and actors and people in all creative industries step back

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and say well i need to put me first yeah

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and i think that that's empowering

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because i think we hear about burnout in work culture

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and corporate so often for sure so what what was it

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that you started to do with that newfound time at

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that time like where was is that where the curio was the curiosity always there

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and now you could actually follow it it was it was it was always there

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and i had had a lot of people coming to me telling me about meditation

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and how it changed their life and therapy and so many different things.

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And I was a bit overwhelmed because I was like,

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oh my God, what if this is going to suit me?

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I think it's a very personal experience.

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I think everybody has a very different version of all of that stuff.

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And so it was a little overwhelming.

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So I think I really just took the time to be off for a second.

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It was even the little things it was like being able to go to my friend's birthday party

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which i wouldn't have been able to go to before

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because i was working a lot i i love hearing that

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because i think it is those simple things like you know giving yourself

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that space whatever it is that you needed to do yeah

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when you needed it and and like you said sometimes it's like that's

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when all the subscribe buttons come up in front of you

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and it's like try this and try this and it's like well no no no let me just take my time.

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It was also now that I think about it.

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Yeah.

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23. I'm 26.

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I've had my horse for,

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so around that time is when I bought the horse that I have now,

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who is my, like I,

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I jump her and I like how I,

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I have two other horses, but they're like retired.

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So I don't really ride them the same way I ride her.

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So yeah, I guess it was around that time too,

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that I was like, I'm going to do this because I love this.

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And like, I want to get back into it.

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And this is what I've loved my whole life so

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so it was around that time that i feel like all of

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that started happening and i bought my horse

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and i like started taking more time for things

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that made me really happy yeah what i what i'm noticing in you and observing

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or at least from just oh god no in a good

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way i was just saying it's like it feels like no

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matter what's happening in your orbit there's this pillar of belief

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that it's important to be happy yeah like you know that's

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like this core center belief in your life where it's important to be happy it's important to be happy it's

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that has to be the goal for sure

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and you know it's not always easy we live in such an interesting industry

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and in such an interesting time with social media

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that it can be very hard sometimes you can fall victim to

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so many things that don't serve you and that don't make you happy

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if your happiness depends on the actions of others you know you're at mercy of things

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that you can't control and that's never where I want to be

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so I always want to live in like me

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and my therapist talk about like my higher goddess my higher self like I always want to live there knowing

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that you know when I'm there you can't take

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that away from me that that's mine

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and no matter what you can disagree with me you can

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agree with me that's not going my i'm not changing i'm not shifting i'm here i'm in my higher goddess

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so i kind of i always live by like

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keep holding my happiness and not letting anyone else affect it

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and though i fall victim to it at times of course

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we as we all probably do absolutely i um i strive every day to live in that place so

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What are some of the qualities of your higher goddess?

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So that kind of avatar?

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She's awesome.

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Like I said, I don't love a pity party.

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I also like, you know,

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sometimes it feels weird to like say good things about yourself.

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But I've also learned a lot about talking to myself

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and a lot about looking in the mirror and being like, you're great.

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You're gorgeous.

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You're amazing.

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You're loyal.

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You're positive.

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You're so many, like I love words of affirmation.

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I love just sitting there and reassuring myself of who I am,

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because that's another thing for me.

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You know, there's so many false narratives about me,

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about all of us, I'm sure.

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Like so many people think they have you figured out when they don't even know the half of it.

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So sitting there and being like,

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you know, you get frustrated sometimes.

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It could feel really unfair.

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You could be reading something that someone is saying about you or hearing something that someone's saying about you and being like,

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that is so unfair because that's not who I am.

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And that really gets to me sometimes and that really sucks.

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But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like,

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but I know who I am.

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And that's all.

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Why does anything else matter?

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And my friends know who I am and my family knows who I am.

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My dog knows who I am.

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My horse knows who I am who I am like why

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does any of everything else is just noise I do this exercise I don't think I've shared this before

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but I do this exercise with some of my clients where we'll go on a walk

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and we'll be on a hike wherever we are

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and I'll ask them what they think a piece of you know maybe there's a little leaf

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or maybe there's some a flower or something

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that looks a little unique on the path

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and I'll say what do you think that feels like

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and what do you think it would feel like

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if you picked it up in your hand

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and they'll be like oh it looks really rough

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and like it might scratch me

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and like it looks like a bit you know like uneven

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or whatever and it looks kind of hard and strong

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and then i'll ask them to pick it up

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and nine times out of ten it's completely different like they'll pick it up

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and it'll just dissolve in their hands or they'll turn it over

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and the color's really soft and sorry the shape the shape's really soft and the color's totally different on the other side.

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And I do that exercise to help us realize just how multifaceted humans are.

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Today I've got to meet you and obviously we're spending a lot of deep,

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intimate, vulnerable time together.

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So you learn faster about someone,

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but if someone only follows someone on social media or only sees someone at an event or only sees one interview,

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it's so easy to create such a singular view of someone.

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And I think, and I want to say this

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because I really think we all feel it i don't think anyone wants to be seen in a singular way

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if you had to choose one word

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that had to be you for the rest of your life i don't think anyone wants

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that i think we all know that we're messy and complex

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and different of course but we like to put someone else in a box whoever

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that may be because it's easier than to live life and say okay well that's persons a b

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right yeah so there's this beautiful piece of wisdom that i always share from

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charles horton cooley and he wrote this in 1890 i think it was

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which just shows how true this has been for such a long time

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and obviously long before that as well

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and he said the challenge today is i'm not what i

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think i am i'm not what you think i am i am what i think you think i am

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and we'll let that blow everyone's mind it gives me chills every time i say it

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yeah charles holton cooley said the challenge today is i'm not

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what i think i am i'm not what you think i

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am i am what i think you think i am

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and what he's trying to say is

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that we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves

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so if i think you think i'm smart then i allow myself to feel smart right it's like we need

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that validation we need that validation or if i think you think I'm not smart,

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then I feel hurt.

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And the challenge is, I don't know what you're thinking at all,

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especially outside in the world.

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And so I find that what you're saying around like,

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well, what do I think about myself?

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Like, how do I feel about myself?

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How do the people that actually know me feel about me?

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I think that's really empowering.

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If you love this episode,

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you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child.

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