Shadowing Practice: Luke Chiang on Reframing His Past Relationships - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Be real with me.

Every ex carries a version of you that nobody else will ever know.

Why?

I just think that we are such fluid people.

Our personalities, our world views, our goals are constantly changing and I think

that who you are to each of your past lovers is such a specific combination of those things.

in a specific point of time that is never going to be the same again.

And I think because of that, it kind of immortalizes what you had.

And it makes it so that even if things don't work out, there's something that you can hold on to that's exclusive to you for the rest of time.

Can you give me an example?

Yeah, I think that for me in my first relationship, I used to be a very religious person.

And that sort of dictated the way I live my life, the way I see the world, my goals.

And now I'm not.

But my first ex will always have that version of me in her life.

And I think that it's beautiful because like nobody else is ever going to have that, whether it's better or worse or more mature or less wise, like it's...

hers and it's hers alone.

When you go back and talk to these people, they will only remember you as the person that you were when you dated them.

Yeah.

So for any positive or negative growth, when you talk to them again, you can kind of You can almost...

see a version of yourself of who you were through somebody else's eyes.

Yeah.

I agree.

What does that look like for you?

I met my first ex a few years removed from our relationship

and I could clearly see

that what she wanted out of life was completely different than what she wanted when I dated her.

And on one hand, obviously it's like a bit jarring because it's not what you're used to.

But on the other hand, it's cool because for me, like I got to have that version of her.

And like we've been saying, like nobody else is ever going to experience that.

And Even though I've fully moved on and she's fully moved on,

I think that you can carry pieces of each other while still recognizing that like that is not who they are anymore.

And in that sense, it's like, it's just special.

Like, it's not something that is ever going to change.

These are the people who have made you who you are, right?

Like I feel like we're almost a collection of all of our past lovers in the sense of like, So much of who we are as people are created by the people we did in the past.

We are human mosaics of the people who are closest to us.

And I think you can trace back

all of the people you've dated and how they've changed you into the person you are today.

I also like that mentality a lot because, at least among my peers, I see a lot of people fall into this trap of like, That didn't work out.

That was such a waste.

On to the next.

but seeing yourself as a product of everybody that you've been with even though it's maybe not like

the most complicated or like crazy concept like it is true and it's beautiful.

More importantly, I feel like it's accurate.

I feel like people have a tendency of trashing on their exes by.. labeling them as toxic, And When you label someone as toxic, you're missing out on the opportunity for growth.

Because once you label someone, with like a negative attribute, You...

subconsciously you're saying like, you didn't do anything wrong and they are the problem.

And therefore there's no learning opportunity.

But the learning opportunity comes when you acknowledge someone's humanity and acknowledge that Everyone is a vehicle for growth.

Every interaction and every experience, regardless of if it was positive or negative, is an experience of growth.

Yeah, I also think that

You reminded me of how I felt with my first ex and how angry I was and resentful I was of like,

how could she say things like I miss you and say things that felt like she didn't mean them, like, two weeks later when she broke up with me.

And later on, Like everything, it's all hindsight.

And like now I can look at it and see like, oh, she just didn't know what she wanted.

And she was genuinely just confused.

But at the time, it's easy for me to fall into the labels that you were talking about.

Like, oh, she's she just used me like she's just piece of trash, but.

So learning to be human.

I think that's a beautiful part about being human.

I think the further away, that you remove yourself from a situation, the less personal you make it,

the more you can acknowledge someone's humanity and you can acknowledge that these things that feel so personal really aren't and

And everyone's really just trying their best.

I think the problem is when you identify too closely with your emotions, you don't allow yourself to grow and you don't allow yourself to acknowledge

that that person's human because you're casting this label on them and And, your.. subconsciously saying

They are bad and I am good.

And so All right, sorry, because what you're really saying is they are bad and I am good.

or because they wronged me.

And what that does is

It subconsciously tells you that you did nothing wrong and you have no reason to reflect on the situation.

I do think there are some cases where you just get done completely dirty.

And it's hard to see the outcome of that.

Honestly, even in those cases, I And I know it's hard to say this, I genuinely believe that if you understood every crevice of the other person's experience that did you wrong,

I think you could not be mad at them.

I think that people don't exist in a vacuum and that like we're all products of our environment.

And at the end of the day, Most of us are just doing things because we're insecure.

And I think that goes for most bad things And that's why I say like nothing's really personal.

Right.

were just all these like kind of like anxious, status -seeking, power -hungry human beings, and we're all doing our little thing.

And we hurt people.

And we don't want to, but we do.

Yeah, I like that a lot.

And I think tying it back to everything we talked about earlier, There's also beauty in recognizing that that version of that person that hurt you as flawed as they were

that is still your version of them forever to keep?

and Whether it's something that you want to keep thinking about or don't want to, like it's up to you.

But I think that It's unique.

and nobody's ever going to take away the fact that that person was exclusive to you.

And ideally they're a better person now and they've learned and fixed it.

but You know, I just think that everything that you're talking about, about how we're all just trying to be human really applies here.

And viewing your past lovers with the same lens is really valuable too.

What advice do you have for people that are dating?

To anybody who's exiting a relationship?

I would say as much as it's necessary to fully feel negative emotions, Don't allow yourself to...

sink into them and allow that to completely tarnish your view of whoever it was.

I just think that There's beauty in recognizing that in spite of any wrongdoing,

somebody did to you that flawed version of them was still yours alone?

and In that sense, just remembering that everybody's human.

That's beautiful.

Thank you so much.

100

What was your name?

101

Thank you.

102

Preston, nice to meet you.

103

Nice to meet you.

104

Awesome.

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Reframing Past Relationships: A Real-Life Dialogue

The video features a heartfelt conversation about how past relationships shape who we are, using relatable examples like first loves and growth through exes. This natural dialogue is perfect for IELTS speaking practice—it’s conversational, uses vivid metaphors, and explores complex ideas in simple terms, mirroring the kind of discussions you might have in daily life or an exam setting.

Useful Chunks & Collocations to Memorize

"carry a version of you": Describes how others remember a specific side of your personality (e.g., "My ex still carries a version of me from my college years").
"human mosaics of": Compares people to a collection of influences (e.g., "We’re human mosaics of our past experiences").
"fall into this trap of": Highlights a common mistake (e.g., "Don’t fall into the trap of thinking it was a waste").
"vehicle for growth": Frames people or experiences as tools for development (e.g., "Every interaction is a vehicle for growth").
"trace back to": Connects present traits to past events (e.g., "I can trace my kindness back to my first relationship").

Your Shadowing Challenge

Improve your English pronunciation and fluency with this shadow speech exercise: Pick a 30-second clip from the video. Play a line, pause, and repeat it immediately, matching the tone and rhythm. Use a shadowing app to record yourself and compare. Focus on phrases like "human mosaics" and "vehicle for growth"—these will boost your IELTS speaking practice by adding natural flair. For extra practice, learn English with YouTube by finding similar conversational videos and repeating the process. This task trains your brain to think and speak in real time, making you more confident in everyday conversations.

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	have made · you've dated · you've been
Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing	people who have · people who are

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: Luke Chiang on Reframing His Past Relationships - Learn English Speaking with Video

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