Shadowing Practice: The Most Valuable 40 Minutes You’ll Hear Today - Learn English Speaking with Video
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That's it.
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It's unbelief.
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Not just belief in God, but I think it's in short supply and I think more of us need it.
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And if we don't have more of it, doubt's going to win.
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If doubt wins, we're all going to lose.
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And we've got stuff out there to believe in.
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I think people are looking for it.
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I know I am.
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I don't want it because I can get it.
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Hang on a minute.
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What is it that I really want?
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What is it that I really would like?
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I want to be scared of the role
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that I'm going to take on because I'm not sure where it's going to go, but I'm going to trust that I'll come up on the other side.
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We have to define success for ourselves, and then we have to put in the work to maintain it.
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And there are a lot of men that I know who are looking for that definition and feel like, I've been told what it's not,
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and now I don't know what it is.
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Let's say someone has been kicked in the nuts a good bit by life.
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How do you advise them to sort of become the hero of their own story again?
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Oof.
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Man, that's a tough one.
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That's a great question, you know?
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I sit here with a life where I have the luxury to project.
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To ask myself and ask others, no, make a sacrifice today.
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Sacrifice a plastic ring today for a gold crown tomorrow.
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sacrifice something today for more freedom tomorrow sacrifice something today for a
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possible healthier future for your kids i understand that's a luxurious position i'm not gonna apologize
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that i'm in i'm in it
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but i understand to someone in misery they're going good for
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you man i'm trying to feed family tonight i'm not thinking past that i can't think past that
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what he asked them to do.
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My indirect thing I would say and understand is, well, if you don't have the hope or believe in something, you're going to end up, you're definitely going to remain where you are.
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And if you have hope and faith in something, I'm not saying it's 100% get out of jail.
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You're going to absolutely get out, but you got the best chance to.
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Yeah, the book's about belief.
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That's why I'm peddling here.
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I need more of it.
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I personally believe in God, but the whole thing's not for people that just believe in God.
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Believe in trying to pursue your better self, transcendence self.
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If you believe in the future, you believe in your kids, you believe in the past, something.
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Don't know what that is?
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Ask yourself what you die for.
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Start there.
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Everyone kind of believes in something.
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There's an argument that even nihilists still believe in nothing.
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Nothing's even something.
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I've never been able to really live with, by hook or by crook, I'll get it how I can get it.
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I'll lie, cheat, and steal to get it.
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I got the prize, and I'm still okay.
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I got it.
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My own shadow chases me down in the middle of the night, and those nightmares do become my own daymares.
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I have to...
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I think I naturally come back.
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And look, I hustle.
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I'm a hustler.
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I'm not puritanical.
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I'm not making...
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I'm not trying to preach an absolute straight and narrow way to go things.
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I bullshitted my way into things and faked my way into making things.
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pulled off stunts.
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Why?
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Wait a minute.
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Now, so we're saying if success is the key,
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success is the measurement and you can get it by lying, cheating and stealing and still be rewarded the gold medal.
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We that's what's happening.
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Are we are we are we ready to say that's OK?
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Are we ready to say that's just how it is?
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We have leaders in positions now that are saying, yeah, just win.
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Just win, just succeed.
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But yeah, I don't care how you get there.
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You did it.
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Congratulations.
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Come to the front of the line.
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So what are the ethics?
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I don't know, what'd the winner do?
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Well, but they...
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Wait, what about rules?
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Oh, yeah, by the way, the rules, if you follow them, you're a sucker.
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I started to find myself going, oh, wait a minute.
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I'm not ready to wave that white flag.
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Are we ready to wave that white flag and go?
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We can see that's what it is, because there's many reasons to do so.
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And so I'm looking around at people and going, I'm not finding things people to believe in, and I'm finding it harder to believe myself.
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But although those people might get to the front of the queue and be awarded the medal, the medal that you're awarded or the queue
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that you get to the front of might not actually give you what you want.
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And you start by sort of reframing success, which I think is a really important thing, especially for a young generation, especially for men, who are,
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you know, the first to want to get to the top of the pyramid in certain pursuits in life.
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Okay, you can get to the top of the pile, or you can get the gold medal, but be careful what that medal represents, and a medal in what.
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Right.
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Relevant for what?
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We all want to be relevant.
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Okay, like, relevant for what?
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We want to succeed, but when we succeed, is it worth it if we don't profit?
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Yeah, you said, yeah.
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You know what I mean?
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If more, we're trained to go, the quantity is the goal.
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That's it.
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Well, if that's sacrificing quality or value, what we actually value, what are you really winning?
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Sometimes you can do everything right and still not get the result the result
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that you wanted and that seems like a really tough pill to swallow for people.
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I think that's why people become uncomfortable with fully filling their emotions.
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So where do you go?
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What do you think when I really, I gave it my all there, I bared myself and I still got kicked in the nuts.
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Not only did I feel like I deserve it, I feel like I earned it and I still didn't get it.
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Wait a minute, but you said that's the playbook and I followed the playbook.
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You said these were the rules and the regulations.
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I followed it.
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And I was good at it.
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I still didn't get it.
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Is there something that you tried to remember about the upside of a crisis during a crisis?
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Or do we just need to ride that out?
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Zooming out would be so beautiful.
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And in retrospect, if only you could give yourself the gift of distance, of time.
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and yet you know something hard is going to come again and you're going to be swept away by the wave.
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I mean, for me, it's an obvious dance of the both because you can't jump to the objective right away and go,
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Inshallah, oh, fate'll have it, this too shall pass, I'm fine.
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No, because then you don't deal with the crisis.
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I do have a pretty quick threshold for being able to laugh,
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like honestly start giggling when I'm in the shit Because I found that I'm able to handle the shit better, if I just start, the quicker I start going, are you kidding me?
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I'll get objective and remind myself things like, you gonna die, McConaughey?
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Which gives me that, ah, so this is not as big of a deal as I thought.
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If you're gonna do it, do it.
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Say what you can do, do what you say.
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If you can't do it, don't say you can do it.
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Don't over leverage yourself.
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Don't over leverage the decision and then jump in and kind of dip a toe.
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I think I'll try it out.
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Now think if you're gonna try it out beforehand but when it's time to go, dive.
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Finish it, find out.
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Come out the other side.
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Don't leave it and go, if I just go to, uh-uh.
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That keeps me up at night.
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I think it keeps a lot of us up at night.
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When you half-ass something and you just don't know, whether you failed or succeeded, got what you want or didn't get what you want, Finding out and looking in the mirror and going,
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I didn't half-hast it, I went all the way, I found out and that ain't for me.
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Or I found out and you damn right that is for me.
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That's a great place to get to.
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I think part of the challenges in life is a lot of us are running around half-assing ourselves, half-fooling ourselves, not full of ourselves,
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not studying ourselves enough, not holding ourselves to task enough, not patting our own self on the back when we do get what we want enough,
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not cracking our own whip on our backside when we do get out of line even though we knew better.
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I wish we were more full of ourselves that way.
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Someone said this to me before, Matthew, you're so full of yourself.
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And I, without thinking, I was like, well, who else am I supposed to be full of?
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That's a good line.
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And I stopped that and I was like, that's exactly what I meant.
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And I wrote that down.
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I wish more people were more full of themselves.
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I think we should take some time to be able to look in the mirror
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and own that thing that we pulled off and go, good job.
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That's what you wanted, that's what you got.
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At the same time, be able to, as we do more often, look in the mirror, when we fail, and go, ah ah, bogey, you did not want to.
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You did not want to pull that off.
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Give others and yourself more credit.
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Happiness, you can't guarantee it, but there is a science to satisfaction.
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So you can look at habits that engineered less pain in your life, maybe more pleasure, but at least less pain.
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And that's a win.
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So much easier to be supportive and gentle of other people than of ourselves.
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You know, you will happily bestow this sort of gentle,
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reassuring pat on the shoulder when somebody succeeds or falls short when they tried their best.
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Yet, given the fact that you tried your best, you give yourself a kick on the way out of the door and a harsh word to follow you.
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Yep.
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Because I got myself in the pickle.
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Because things didn't go how I wanted it to go or how I believed it could go.
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Life's the ironic tragedy.
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Life is pain.
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I'm the reason that I stepped in sh, which is also an asset.
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Even if someone goes, why are you giving yourself so much credit for screwing that up?
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We're gonna make mistakes.
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You gotta own them.
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Then you gotta make amends.
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And then you gotta move on.
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Guilt and regret kills many a man before their time.
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So turn the page, get off the ride.
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You are the author of the book of your life.
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There are habits that I notice of things I take care of in my life, health-wise, faith-wise, father-wise, husband-wise.
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If I'm doing that consistently, there's less valleys.
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The ironic tragedy is that life has to be lived forward but only makes sense in reverse.
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When you look back, we can all connect every single dot.
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It's mathematical, scientific how we got to this table right here.
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It's all connected if we go back and look at it.
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And there's a whole lot of, I thought that was the end.
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Well, it was the end, but it was the beginning of this thing.
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What you're leaning into is that mystery going forward, right?
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That ironic tragedy, you have something to push off the, well, I don't know what I do want, but I do know I don't want that.
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You have leverage.
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Yes, yes.
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You know, it's there.
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You know, we always say, well, who are you?
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You know, I want you to figure out who you are.
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And we ask, I try not to ask my kids that now.
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Well, I want you to know who you are.
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And a part of that who's helped me is Bob Dylan's line.
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Like, I don't know what all this talk's about who we are, man.
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We are all just what we create ourselves to be.
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And that gives me a little, oh, that's relaxing.
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But it's so much easier to figure out who you're not.
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And if you start eliminating who I'm not, by sheer mathematics, you end up...
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Moving towards...
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Who or of what feeds you and who you are.
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And it's a hell of a lot easier thing to go, how can I get rid of some bullshit in my life than it is to go, well, how do I go to my true self?
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Do I want to press the accelerator more quickly?
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or do I want to take my foot off the f*ing brake?
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Sometimes the hard work and the endurance and the elbow grease, the work harder we were talking about, that hustle, is not the way out.
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Sometimes it's, I need to back up, laugh, have a sip of my favorite whatever and dance my way through the raindrops out of this sandwich.
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And even looking at the things that are bad and going, oh, thank you.
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Appreciate that.
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I think one of the themes of your worldview that I've become familiar with is alchemizing bad times into good ones.
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A reminder that things that seem bad can end up being good.
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How can people, or how do you, have more of that perspective during a hard time?
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I probably start off intellectualizing something that I know I probably should believe in, should believe in but don't believe in it,
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and convince myself even to an extent to trick myself, that, you know, to sit here and go, well, you just tell yourself, this too shall pass.
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Okay, great, well, what the hell's that mean?
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Even if it's true, in the moment, you're like, what are you talking about, man?
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I'm in the debit section.
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I'm in a warning section.
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I'm, this sucks.
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I think that how much I'm conscious of it or not,
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my undeniable optimism and faith that this isn't all it is.
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And if it is, so what?
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That's okay, well then really so what?
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You know what I mean?
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What's the big deal?
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Two, it minimizes, I seem to have a tendency not to make a bigger deal out of things
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that other people make a bigger deal of.
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Dramas, I don't like to create false drama.
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When it comes and it's hard, I am effective.
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I get the blues, I get sad, I get mad, I'm a shit to be around.
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I can't get to sleep.
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I got demons in my own head trying to work the riddle out.
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Why did this happen?
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That's the other thing that's tough for me is I think that any bad thing that happens to me, my initial reaction is, what did you do wrong to lead to this?
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Heard a quote recently that said, Every man knows reflection and introspection when he's at his lowest.
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Bad times, you can't do anything other than wallow in retrospective assessment.
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But one of my favorite things I've learned from you is when things are going well, given that that's presumably what you want to have more of, maybe worth deconstructing that.
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Yes.
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Can I try and bottle some science here to why things are going well?
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And I did find consistency.
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You were appreciating more.
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You were pointing out beautiful things and not taking them for granted.
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And so I found a list of things.
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And when I get off track, I try to remind myself, you've been slacking on some of those.
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I've definitely found consistencies, and I think we all have them if we just notate them along the way, that they're not by accident.
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Let's cheers.
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Let's have a cheers on the way for all the things that will work for when we have going right.
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Also knowing that it's not forever, that we will have a mountain to climb here shortly.
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What's my best advice I need to give myself right now is listen to my own damn advice.
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You knew that there is something to be extracted from living life.
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How did you get that frame of reference?
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Like that's so useful, but I don't think most people have that.
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You know, I don't know exactly where, where I got it.
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I mean, I would say again, to call back that Australian year where I did not have a choice,
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where I was forced into that situation and saw the green light assets from being alone and quite lonely.
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I do think that there's great value in being alone.
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And if we are alone and we get bored and we don't like the company, ding, may that light go off to say
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that does not mean we need to pick up our phone to get some attention
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or go to the bottle to ease the anxiety or go online to get some feedback to entertain ourselves.
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No, it's actually a great time to say no. Sit here in that discomfort long enough to go, okay, until you come out the other side to go,
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all right, I'm good with me again.
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Now, it's part of that.
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I write about traveling in general.
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Ideally, you don't go to a place.
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You don't, I always say this.
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Don't, I don't want to leave a place I travel to until I get to the point of going, ah, I could live here.
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This could be my existence.
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And as soon as I get to that point, then I'm like, okay, you can go.
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Now I can go.
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That's the same thing in the personal journeys.
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Stick with it till you get through the discomfort to uncomfortable times until you go, you know what?
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I can spend time with myself.
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I could do this.
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I could do this forever.
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Well, then it's okay to go re-engage, pick up your phone, go see your friends, go have a drink, what have you, go look for those things that are other relationships in life.
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But hopefully not until there's great value in not doing that until you go, I'm good with me and me for right now.
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Now, why do you pursue things that scare you?
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Why seek the role that's hard?
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Because it costs me something.
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Because it costs.
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It comes with a price.
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It's a bit of that line, don't pick a fight.
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It's not really a fight unless you can lose it.
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It's not really, you know, it's not really a risk unless you can lose the fight.
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I feel more alive in them.
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I have an experience in the making of them.
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I'm nervous every day I come to work.
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I feel like when I nail a day and I knock it and I know I did, I feel like, yes!
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I have a measure at the end of the day of like, you set out to do something, you prepared for it, you had intention, and you did it.
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And maybe even found some magic in the day.
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That, I sleep good knowing that I accomplished that day in building the architecture of a character's arc through a story.
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And if I could put the whole thing together and it comes out, the whole one whole performance turns out to be a beautiful song, an original song of that character.
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Then I'm like, yes.
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And I know that I was highly responsible for that.
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I was not solely responsible, but the most responsible for that.
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And that gives me pleasure.
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That gives me gratification.
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That makes me feel, gives me significance.
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That gives me confidence.
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if I don't pull it off.
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And I do have a day where I'm like, oh, no, you didn't ever.
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And it was my fault.
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I still, I would rather, with these kind of roles, I can look in the mirror and go, so guess who's responsible for not pulling it off?
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You, Conaghy.
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In the same way when I go, guess who's responsible for pulling it off?
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I like knowing who, you.
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And it was also, again, work that challenged the vitality of my life.
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Dramatic roles allow the actor to have as high of a ceiling or as low of a basement.
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from love to hate, from happiness to pain, as that particular actor wants to bring to it.
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That's what's inherently beautiful about dramas.
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Okay, you're the part.
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You're playing the role.
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How are you going to emulate that person through yourself?
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That is a vital thing.
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That makes me sweat.
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That makes me sleep better at the end of the day.
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That gives me a sense of accomplishment.
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I'm like, yes, I did what I intended to do.
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I prepared for it.
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I was ready.
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Oh, the day didn't how I thought it was going to go.
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But I called audibles along the way and rolled and still told the truth on my man, the character.
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That gratification feels good.
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Unbelievable is the stupidest word in the dictionary.
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Should never come out of our mouths.
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Think about it.
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To say, oh wow, what an unbelievable play.
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It was an unbelievable book, an unbelievable film, an unbelievable act of courage.
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really it may be spectacular it may be phenomenal most excellent
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or outstanding but unbelievable give others
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and yourself more credit it just happened you witnessed it you just did it believe it give your obstacles credit
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that there's a responsibility to freedom and that there is freedom in responsibility,
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you know, and that earn your way there.
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We remember the stuff we earn, the stuff we experience more than what the teacher tells us or what someone gives us for free.
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We just do, we broke a proverbial sweat on it, whether it was mental or physical or whatever, we built it, we understand we felt how we got it how we achieved
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it how we got what we wanted those stick with us
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whether we forget them intellectually they were written in our lineage
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and they build resilience and they and
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and they build a healthy true optimism going forward to know
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that oh no i've i've worked for something before
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and achieved it delayed gratification oh there are choices i can make make today for myself
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that will pay me back later in life.
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So there are choices we make.
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If you're going to say right now, I'm going to lie, cheat, and steal to get what I want, and I got it.
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I got an immediate green light for me.
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That's a battery-powered green light.
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That's not a solar-powered green light.
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Why?
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Because now, everywhere I go, I got to look over my shoulder to see if someone's there that I lied,
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cheat, and stole from, and when I'm doing that, I'm stealing whose time?
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My time.
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Now I'm not freedom.
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I'm not free.
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I don't have the freedom.
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I didn't create freedom in my future because I chose to make an irresponsible act that I left crumbs.
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I've now got reasons to look over my shoulder.
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And the more things we do to create in our future that we've got to look over our shoulder, the more of our most precious thing we have in our life's time that we're stealing from ourselves.
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So it's not puritanical.
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It's just like it's actually self-service.
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It's a very selfish choice.
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And I'm a fan of the word selfish.
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I've helped redefine it.
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But I believe that there are selfish choices we can make that are the most selfless, that there are selfless choices that we can make that are the most selfish choices.
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Those two are not a contradiction.
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And we see them that way.
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Responsibility is appreciation of a past.
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It's building of a lineage.
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It's investing in ourselves.
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It's investing in something we started to build yesterday that we want to take into tomorrow, there's a response that gives us freedom.
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I'm going to talk to you about some things I've learned in my journey, most from experience, some of them I heard in passing, many of them I'm still practicing, but all of them I do believe are true.
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Now, they may be truths to me, but don't think that that makes them mine because you cannot own the truth.
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So please think of these as signposts, approaches, paradigms that give some science to satisfaction.
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They're yours to steal, they're yours to share, likened to your own lives, to personally apply in your own lives in your own way, should you choose to.
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So here we go.
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Unbelievable is the stupidest word in the dictionary.
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It should never come out of our mouth, think about it, to say, oh wow, what an unbelievable play.
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It was an unbelievable book, an unbelievable film, an unbelievable act of courage.
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Really?
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It may be spectacular, it may be phenomenal, most excellent or outstanding, but unbelievable?
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Give others and yourself more credit.
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It just happened, you witnessed it, you just did it, believe it.
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Give your obstacles credit.
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You know, once you do find your frequency on something, go forward if you're a non-tyrant and don't ask permission.
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And that's the not giving a damn part.
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I've found that the world will actually acquiesce and go, yeah, I'll give you a green light on it, if you actually go forward and mean it,
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and you're gonna do it by hook or by crook and not ask permission.
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Life is not easy.
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It is not.
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Don't try to make it that way.
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Life's not fair.
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It never was.
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It isn't now and it won't ever be won't ever be.
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Do not fall into the trap, the entitlement trap of feeling like you're a victim.
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You are not.
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Get over it and get on with it.
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And yes, most things are more rewarding when you break a sweat to get them.
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Sit here in that discomfort long enough to go, okay, until you come out the other side to go, all right, I'm good with me again.
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I don't want to leave a place I travel to until I get to the point of going, ah, I could live here.
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This could be my existence.
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And soon as I get to that point, then I'm like, okay, you can go.
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Now I can go.
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That's the same thing in the personal journeys.
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Stick with it till you get through the discomfort to uncomfortable times until you go, you know what?
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I can spend time with myself.
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I could do this.
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I could do this forever.
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Well, then it's okay to go re-engage, pick up your phone, go see your friends, go have a drink, what have you, go look for those things that are other relationships in life.
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But hopefully not until there's great value in and not doing that until you go, I'm good with me and me for right now.
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So to any of us, whatever those things are, whatever it is we look up to, whatever it is we look forward to and whoever it is we're chasing, to that I say amen.
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To that I say, all right, all right, all right.
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And I say, just keep living, huh?
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Thank you.
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See, happiness is an emotional response to an outcome.
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If I win, I will be happy.
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If I don't, I won't.
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It's an if-then, cause-and-effect, quid pro quo standard that we cannot sustain because we immediately raise it every time we attain it.
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See, happiness demands a certain outcome.
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It is result reliant.
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And I say if happiness is what you're after then you're gonna be let down frequently
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and you're gonna be unhappy much of your time.
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Joy though, joy is a different thing it's something else.
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Joy is not a choice.
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It's not a response to some result.
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It's a constant.
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Joy is the feeling that we have from doing what we our fashion to do.
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It is just as important where we are not as it is where we are.
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Look, the first step that leads to our identity in life is usually not, I know who I am, I know who I am.
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That's not the first step.
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The first step is usually, I know who I am not.
427
process of elimination.
428
Defining ourselves by what we are not is the first step that leads us to really knowing who we are.
429
South of New Orleans a few years ago, I went to a voodoo shop
430
and they had this wooden partition against the wall of these columns
431
and in these columns were all these vials of these magic potions, right?
432
And the headings above each potion defining what they would give you were things like fertility,
433
health, family, legal health, energy, forgiveness, money.
434
Guess which column was empty?
435
Money.
436
Let's admit it.
437
Money is king today.
438
It's what makes the world go round.
439
It is success.
440
The more we have, the more successful we are, right?
441
Now I would argue that our cultural values have even been financialized.
442
Humility is not the vogue anymore.
443
It's too passive.
444
It's a get rich quick on the internet, richest 15 minutes of fame world that we live in, and we see it every day.
445
But we all want to succeed, right?
446
So the question that we've got to ask ourselves is what success is to us, what success is to you.
447
Is it more money?
448
That's fine.
449
I got nothing against money.
450
I don't.
451
Maybe it's a healthy family.
452
Maybe it's a happy marriage.
453
Maybe it's to help others, to be famous, to be spiritually sound, to leave the world a little bit better place than you found it.
454
Continue to ask yourself that question.
455
Now, your answer may change over time, and that's fine.
456
but do yourself this favor.
457
Whatever your answer is, don't choose anything that will jeopardize yourself.
458
Prioritize who you are, who you want to be, and don't spend time with anything that antagonizes your character.
459
Don't drink the Kool-Aid, man.
460
It tastes sweet, but you will get cavities tomorrow, all right?
461
Life is not a popularity contest.
462
Be brave, take the hill, but first answer that question, what's my hill?
463
There's a responsibility to freedom and that there is freedom in responsibility.
464
You know, and that earn your way there.
465
We remember the stuff we earn, the stuff we experience more than what the teacher tells us or what someone gives us for free.
466
We just do, we broke a proverbial sweat on it, whether it's mental or physical or whatever, we built it.
467
We understand, we felt how we got it, how we achieved it, how we got what we wanted.
468
Those stick with us.
469
Whether we forget them intellectually, they were written in our lineage and they build resilience and they build a healthy, true optimism going forward to know that,
470
oh, no, I've worked for something before and achieved it.
471
Delayed gratification.
472
Oh, there are choices I can make today for myself that will pay me back later in life.
473
So there are choices we make.
474
If you're going to say right now, I'm going to lie, cheat, and steal to get what I want, and I got it.
475
I got an immediate green light for me.
476
That's a battery-powered green light.
477
That's not a solar-powered green light.
478
Why?
479
Because now, everywhere I go, I got to look over my shoulder to see if someone's there that I lied, cheat, and stole from.
480
And when I'm doing that, I'm stealing whose time?
481
my time.
482
I'm not free.
483
I don't have the freedom.
484
I didn't create freedom in my future because I chose to make an irresponsible act that I left crumbs.
485
I've now got reasons to look over my shoulder.
486
And the more things we do to create in our future that we've got to look over our shoulder, the more of our most precious thing we have in our life's time that we're stealing from ourselves.
487
So it's not puritanical.
488
It's just like it's actually self-service.
489
It's a very selfish selfish choice.
490
And I'm a fan of the word selfish.
491
I've helped redefine it.
492
But I believe that there are selfish choices we can make that are the most selfless, that there are selfless choices that we can make that are the most selfish choices.
493
Those two are not a contradiction, and we see them that way.
494
Responsibility is appreciation of a past.
495
It's building of a lineage.
496
It's investing in ourselves.
497
It's investing in something we started to build yesterday that we want to take into tomorrow.
498
There's a response that gives us freedom.
499
So be brave, have courage, and when you do, you get stronger,
500
you get more aware, you get more respectful of yourself and that which you fear.
501
The result, which we know there isn't really one, and we cannot imitate someone else's exact result.
502
We're going to have our own way to get there.
503
The approach is all.
504
I think that's the best our life can get is one constant approach and with many different approaches, but knowing there is no result.
505
You know the story of Sisyphus?
506
A man gets cursed.
507
I think he was a demigod.
508
Gets cursed too.
509
Roll a boulder up a hill.
510
It's a heavy, heavy boulder.
511
He rolls it uphill, and just as he gets to the very top, he stumbles, and it falls down and crushes him, and he needs to walk back to the bottom.
512
Turn around, pick it back up, and Alba Camus' famous line is, we must imagine Sisyphus happy.
513
that this pointless pursuit that he finds joy in the process of doing it.
514
So I grew up only knowing sort of the courage of the persistence.
515
Be resilient, endure, get up, dust yourself off, go.
516
The problem with that, the Achilles heel with that is
517
if you get up and get the courage to keep on going every time and get up and dust yourself off, you make the same mistakes each time around
518
because you never backed up to have what I've now learned and still learning is the courage to go, no, I'm going to let some people pass me in the race right now
519
because I'm going to look at why I keep stepping in that damn same pothole and twisting my ankle, the same spot.
520
Why I keep failing when I try to get
521
that next spot in this relationship or failing in this place to get this product of my craft to the next level.
522
Would that be the relinquishing of the rom-com era in a small part for you?
523
A small part, yeah.
524
Yeah, it was definitely courageous.
525
I did honestly think I'd written myself a one-way ticket out of Hollywood.
526
People close to me, basically almost everybody besides my wife, was like, what is your major malfunction, little brother?
527
You got it made.
528
Why are you throwing a jackknife in this stuff?
529
You're tripping yourself running downhill, man.
530
You did it.
531
And I had my wife and myself to remind myself of
532
that 4 a.m clarity that I had in tears when I was like, no, I'm rolling the dice, I'm sticking with it.
533
Yeah, man, I did think I wrote myself a ticket out of Hollywood.
534
I did look at other vocations, become a teacher, a wildlife guide.
535
I seriously look at those things.
536
But over time, and it was about 20 months, it was gone long enough, had found anonymity enough, was not in your living room in a theater in a rom-com, you didn't seem on a beach shirtless.
537
Where is he?
538
Turning down the $14.5 million offer, many people go, oh shit, what's he up to?
539
You don't just step out of Hollywood unless you turn that down because you've got a plan.
540
You've got somewhere you want to go.
541
And I think that made me more attractive as a new novel idea.
542
But that was, yeah, that risk took, I think it's fair to say that took a fair amount of courage from me.
543
We often see resistance as a form of failure and something that we should endeavor to avoid.
544
You think about the avoidance of, like, people building families or even, many people consider that we're living in a bit of a comfort crisis.
545
This is slightly a different sort of analogy, but most of the diseases that we have today, whether they're diseases of, I don't know, the mind, like, you know, people feeling lonely and isolated,
546
all physical diseases, 80% of Americans getting back pain, but no one in the Hadza tribe in Africa getting back pain.
547
They're all a consequence of us continually choosing comfort, which is a short-term friend but long-term enemy.
548
And resistance, I think, is something increasingly we can choose, opt out of.
549
Oh, and we've out-convenienced ourself.
550
What's AI going to do to us?
551
Talking about convenience, how much, and I want to keep hearing studies, I wonder if you have an opinion on this,
552
How much of you coming up with an idea and then writing and rewriting it, thinking about it, no, no, no, no, it's not an expert.
553
Oh, no, this is what I really mean and how to get it done.
554
How much of that is really valuable?
555
To get it beyond just an intellectual idea, more valuable than just going, Ah, there it is.
556
Because what comes out of AI?
557
Incredibly impressive.
558
My hunch is that, yeah, we can use it for like, signposts signpost to help us.
559
Oh, that's good.
560
Thank you for helping me organize.
561
But there's a value to us going through the sweat equity of learning something.
562
But I mean, yeah, I mean through history people like Richard Fryman, the physicist, has said the best way to learn something is to learn it
563
and then to go through the pain of writing it, condensing it down to a simple truth like you do so often in your new book, Poems and Prayers, and then sharing it with the world
564
and then getting the feedback and if the world understood it like you meant it, like that poem you just shared, you understand it.
565
That's evidence that you get it.
566
Right.
567
So I think AI is going to be great for me saying something to you, but not learning something myself.
568
And I think if you want to defend creativity and innovation and the ability to think, you actually have a huge opportunity, which is to go left when everyone's going right.
569
Well, now we're going into, I have that, I got that thing in there, I said, what's better?
570
Take eight big risks in life, sin once, miss the mark once, but get seven, achieve seven,
571
seven out of eight, or take a hundred risks and achieve eight of them.
572
My hunch is that if there's a God, he's saying, go for the hundred and get eight, rather than eight and get seven.
573
If you're not taking enough risk to sin or miss the mark, which is what sin means, to fail, What are you doing?
574
Don't come back with even money.
575
Come back with the safe beds, which that can become a sort of recessive Peace namaste.
576
No, it's a it's a it's almost a it's I don't think it's what the mystics meant
577
when they were like be Disattached
578
They can mean go embrace but for highs and lows and pains and pleasures understand that those outward things are not
579
the things to be attached to for your own identity.
580
It's got to be inward first.
581
Enjoy those.
582
Partake.
583
But don't become attached to those for your measure.
584
Without complacency, trust that time is on your side.
585
Yep.
586
What do you mean, though?
587
Yeah, man.
588
I'm going to get ahead or behind it.
589
And then I can get in a rush. And I haven't found...
590
Look, and I know how to hustle.
591
And let's go.
592
The clock's ticking.
593
We're all behind.
594
All hands on deck.
595
We've got to bust ass no time for pause.
596
There's no sleep, no nothing.
597
Get the caffeine out.
598
Let's go.
599
Sometimes we've got to do that.
600
But that is usually because an unforeseen circumstance has happened, that there's a crisis we've got to deal with,
601
or we've procrastinated and put myself in that position where we've got to cram.
602
But it's not those two circumstances.
603
We've got to watch ourself getting ahead of time.
604
And it's on your side.
605
It's a little what I mean about the living longer and living more quality, time's on our side.
606
And we're forced to think and feel, especially today, with how fast things move, that more productivity, faster pace, more information, faster pace, it's better.
607
We're ahead of time a lot.
608
It's the John Wooden, a great basketball coach for UCLA, be quick, but don't be in a hurry.
609
That was his note to his basketball players.
610
Be quick, but don't be in a hurry.
611
You will miss things.
612
You know, it's the Lego set, man.
613
And you sit there and you get in a rush, you don't read the directions, you get to the end, and you've got 12 pieces left, and you're like, shit.
614
Because you got in a hurry, you got ahead of time.
615
Instead of just that feeling of, I've checked out what I need to do, and it's all adding up, and this thing's built right, and the foundation's right, and boom, there's the last piece, it fits.
616
Voila.
617
It was with time.
618
Time's on our side.
619
It's not an enemy.
620
The end, death is not the enemy.
621
I do believe that part of, you know, not in a rush to get there, and we want to stave it off sometimes, and that can be a screaming fight,
622
and partially denial can help us get there.
623
I understand that, but still, it's on our side.
624
It's going to happen, and since it's going to happen, and that's non-negotiable, might as well go,
625
well, I'm not going to rush to try and make more of it than there is.
626
I want to try and spend the time I got as well as I can produce, succeed, achieve, whatever those things are,
627
but also at a pace that I'm me, that I like to dance to.
628
I like the give and the take.
629
I like the reverb.
630
I like the cause and effect of how things are happening at this pace.
631
I can start now.
632
That doesn't mean time's on my side.
633
Yeah, dude.
634
Inshallah.
635
When it happens, it'll happen.
636
No. Wake up.
637
The clock's ticking.
638
It's on your side.
639
Now just move with it.
640
Dance with it.
641
Put some soul with the facts.
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Exploring Belief and Resilience in Everyday Dialogue
The video features a raw, thought-provoking conversation about belief—its role in overcoming life’s challenges, defining success, and reclaiming personal agency. The speakers delve into universal struggles, from feeling stuck to balancing immediate needs with long-term hope, making the dialogue relatable and rich with natural, conversational English.
Top 5 Phrases for Daily Communication
- "by hook or by crook": A vivid way to say "by any means necessary" (e.g., "I’ll finish this project by hook or by crook").
- "get out of jail free card": A metaphor for a guaranteed solution (e.g., "There’s no get out of jail free card for hard work").
- "kicked in the nuts by life": A colloquial phrase for facing harsh setbacks (e.g., "After losing his job, he felt like life had kicked him in the nuts").
- "peddling here": Informal for "promoting an idea" (e.g., "I’m peddling the importance of patience to my team").
- "transcendent self": Referring to one’s best, most elevated version (e.g., "Meditation helps me connect with my transcendent self").
Step-by-Step Shadowing Guide for This Video
Shadowing—repeating phrases immediately after the speaker—is a powerful way to improve fluency. Here’s how to practice with this dialogue:
1. Focus on Intonation
The speakers use pauses and emphasis (e.g., "I need more of it") to convey urgency. Pause the video, mimic their rhythm, and record yourself to compare.
2. Break Down Colloquialisms
Phrases like "kicked in the nuts" are informal but common. Repeat them slowly to master pronunciation, then use them in simple sentences (e.g., "Life kicked her in the nuts, but she kept going").
3. Emphasize Connection
The conversation flows naturally, with overlapping ideas. Practice "shadowspeak" by following the back-and-forth—respond to the speaker as if you’re in the dialogue. This builds conversational agility.
4. Use a Shadowing Site
Platforms designed for "shadow speak" let you slow down audio and loop sections. Use one to tackle tricky parts (e.g., "sacrifice a plastic ring today for a gold crown tomorrow") until you match the pace.
By practicing with this video, you’ll not only boost your English speaking skills but also engage with meaningful ideas. Remember: "shadowspeaks" isn’t just about mimicry—it’s about connecting with the language’s heart.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result | If I win, I will be · If I don't, I won't |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've been told · has been kicked · I've never been |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | I've been told · has been kicked · be rewarded |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | comfort, which is · opportunity, which is · mark, which is |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.