Практика Shadowing: 18 - Изучайте разговорный английский с YouTube
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You know that feeling when one conversation leaves you feeling completely off?
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You know that feeling when one conversation leaves you feeling completely off?
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Not just annoyed, but like everything in your life is wrong.
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You feel trapped and powerless and then that feeling bleeds into everything else.
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Maybe it was a conversation with a friend
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or a call with a family member or maybe something small at work
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and afterwards you are short with your partner or you snap at someone that you love over something very small.
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Or maybe you just feel this tension in your body
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that you can't quite shake and you feel like you are one small thing away from losing it.
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And the worst part isn't even the reaction, it's what comes afterwards.
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The guilt, the confusion, wondering why do I keep doing this?
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What is wrong with me?
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Hi, I'm Melissa, I'm a GP and a certified attachment coach.
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In this video I'm going to show you why there is nothing wrong with you,
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why you're not a bad person or a difficult person for having that reaction.
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I know that might be hard to believe right now,
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especially if you've been watching yourself snap at people that you love and wondering what is wrong with you for a while.
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But by the end of the video everything is going to make sense.
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You're going to understand why one conversation can derail an entire day and why that reaction,
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as confusing as it is,
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makes complete sense once you understand what's underneath it.
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I'm also going to show you how to find your way back
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when you are in the middle of it
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and it doesn't involve telling yourself to calm down because I think you already know that that doesn't work.
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This used to happen to me almost every day,
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sometimes even multiple times a day.
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It was usually something small and meaningless that would leave me feeling very irritable,
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sensitive, and like my emotions were very raw.
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That would stay with me for hours,
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which meant that I would end up snapping at someone that I love,
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someone who had nothing to do with the initial interaction,
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just because they didn't say or do something exactly as I expected.
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So what is actually happening?
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It starts with something called a core wound.
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And before you click away thinking that this is going to be a lecture,
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just hang with me for a second because we are going to talk about this in a very uncomplicated way.
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A core wound is a deep belief that you formed about yourself usually early in life,
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but it can happen anytime in response to something you experienced,
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something that felt overwhelming or unsafe.
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And because you couldn't fully process it at a time,
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your mind made meaning out of it in order to protect you.
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And that meaning becomes a belief.
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It can be something like,
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I am unsafe, I am unlovable,
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I am unworthy, I am not good enough.
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And here's the thing about core wounds,
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they aren't just hanging out in your mind,
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they act like a lens.
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Everything you experience, everything people say to you,
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every small thing in your day gets filtered through that lens.
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And the other thing is,
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the subconscious looks for evidence to support existing beliefs.
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So it looks for proof that supports that wound.
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Most of the time you don't notice it.
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Life is busy, you are functioning,
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but then something small happens.
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A conversation that leaves you feeling unseen,
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a moment that leaves you feeling dismissed or unheard,
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and that triggers that core wound.
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And so the core wound is now open and that lens is very active.
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And here's where it gets interesting.
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When that wound is triggered,
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it doesn't just stay in the conversation that triggered it,
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it bleeds into everything after.
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So for example, you just finished that phone call or
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that conversation and you are already feeling unseen and unheard
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and maybe a little bit dismissed and you are craving reassurance and comfort.
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So you go to your partner and he tries to comfort you,
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but he doesn't do it exactly how you would like him to.
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Instead of coming to sit next to you,
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he just does it from the doorway.
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And instead of feeling better,
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you feel even more and important.
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Even though you consciously know that he's trying to comfort you,
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all you feel is angry because he didn't come and sit next to you.
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But the problem here isn't the fact that he tried to comfort you from the doorway.
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The real problem is the meaning that you are giving to his actions,
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which is based on the wound that was triggered and is still open.
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This is the difference between facts and meaning,
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and it's one of the most important things that I've learned.
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The fact, He tried to comfort you from the doorway.
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The meaning is the story you are subconsciously telling yourself based on the wound that was triggered.
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And it could be something like,
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he's trying to comfort me from the doorway.
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That means he isn't listening.
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He doesn't care.
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Nobody cares.
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I am unloved.
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And here is what makes this so hard.
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In that moment, that meaning feels like a fact.
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But the meaning that you give to a situation isn't always the truth,
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or at least the whole truth.
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When the wound is open and raw,
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you are seeing everything through that lens.
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So he tries to comfort you from the doorway.
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That's all that happened.
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The rest is just the wound talking.
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So now that you understand what's happening,
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you might be thinking, okay,
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so next time this happens,
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I will just tell myself that this is the wound talking and that meaning is not the same as fact.
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Simple.
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Not so fast.
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Because if you've ever tried to logic your way out of a situation like this,
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you know that it doesn't work and there is a reason for that.
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Your subconscious mind is running about 95% of your decisions, emotions, and actions.
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And your conscious mind, the part that is watching this video and going like,
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yes, I understand, this all makes sense,
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cannot just overpower your subconscious mind,
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especially not in the middle of a triggered moment,
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and not Bible power alone.
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Your subconscious doesn't speak in logic,
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it speaks in feelings and images.
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So telling it to calm down,
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just let it go, it's not going to work,
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because it responds to emotion and repetition over time.
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So telling yourself to just calm down,
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it's like giving directions to someone who speaks a completely different language.
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The intention is there, but it's probably not going to get through.
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And this is why you keep finding yourself in the same reactions,
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even when you understand it,
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even when you know better.
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It's not weakness or a character flaw,
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it's just how the subconscious mind works.
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So if logic doesn't work, then what does?
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But before we talk about that,
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I just want to tell you that if you find it hard to tell the difference between fear and your inner wisdom,
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I made a free guide that will help you with that.
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It helps start separating the fear
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that is trying to protect you from the part of you that knows what you need right now.
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So you can start making decisions that are aligned with your true self.
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The link is below.
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So back to what if logic doesn't work, then what does?
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Your body and mind need to both come back to safety,
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but they both speak different languages so they need different things.
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Some days your body needs to go first.
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When that feeling of being trapped and powerless takes over,
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your body is in a stress response.
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And it's very hard to think your way out of a stress response.
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So what you can do is,
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for example, breathe deeply for a few minutes,
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shake your body like you are shaking water off your body,
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or you can also do a body scan meditation where you are just noticing things without trying to fix it.
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The idea is to do something that will let that excess energy flow,
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and this will help you regulate your nervous system.
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On other days, you might find that going straight to your mind gives you enough relief to then settle your body.
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In those days, you can start by asking yourself a few simple questions.
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What meaning am I giving this situation about myself?
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Am I worried about a specific worst-case scenario related to this situation?
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And you keep asking yourself these two questions until you've reached the underlying wound.
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And once you can see the one clearly,
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you do the next step,
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which is look for evidence of the opposite.
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But don't force positive thoughts.
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Genuinely ask yourself, is this really true?
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Do I know that this is 100% true?
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What do I know that contradicts this?
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And then when you find that evidence,
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don't just think it, you need to let your body feel it.
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So you bring that image of the memory to your mind,
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and then you let your body experience that memory.
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I just want to point out that the order here isn't important
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because honestly you are probably going to have to address both
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but learning to read which one needs to come first is in itself a form of self-trust
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and sometimes you can just ask for reassurance from the people
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who are safe enough to give it to you you can go to your partner
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and tell him look i am feeling this way
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because of what happened earlier and
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when you talk to me from the doorway i felt even more unseen
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and i consciously know that that was not your intention but right now I need some reassurance.
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And then you just let him give it to you.
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That is not being weak.
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That is knowing what you need and being able to ask for it.
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Here's one more thing that I want to leave you with.
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The next time that you find yourself reacting in a way that confuses you,
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snapping at someone you love,
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feeling disproportionately angry about a situation,
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that overwhelming sense that everything is wrong,
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I would like you to try to remember this.
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You are not a bad person.
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You are not a difficult person,
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there is nothing wrong with you.
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You are just someone with wounds,
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just like everybody else on the planet.
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The difference now is you know what's happening,
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and you can start to see the wound from what it is.
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You can start to separate fact from meaning,
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and you can start to find a way back to yourself,
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not by forcing it, but by actually giving yourself what you need in those moments.
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That is self-awareness, and that really changes everything.
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And on that note, if you want to understand what your body is trying to tell you when something feels off,
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but all your tests are clear,
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then watch this video next because it's going to help you see it in a completely different way.
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Контекст и фон
В данном видео Мелисса, врач и сертифицированный коуч по привязанности, делится своими наблюдениями о том, как эмоциональные реакции могут сильно влиять на нашу повседневную жизнь. Она объясняет, что иногда одна беседа может повергнуть нас в состояние смятения, вызывая цепную реакцию негативных эмоций, которые затрагивают отношения с близкими. Мелисса подчеркивает, что подобные реакции не делают нас плохими людьми и что за ними стоят глубокие убеждения о себе, сформированные в прошлом.
5 ключевых фраз для повседневного общения
- Я чувствую себя не в своей тарелке. - “I feel off.”
- Это не имеет для меня значения. - “It doesn’t matter to me.”
- Мне нужно разобраться с эмоциональным состоянием. - “I need to work through my emotions.”
- Почему я так реагирую? - “Why do I react this way?”
- Как мне успокоиться? - “How can I calm down?”
Эти фразы помогут вам лучше выразить свои чувства и состояния в разговоре на английском языке. Используйте их для практики, чтобы уверенно общаться с окружающими.
Пошаговое руководство по шадоуинг
Для освоения материала из этого видео мы рекомендуем использовать метод шадоуинг. Этот метод поможет вам улучшить произношение и понимание на слух. Вот пошаговое руководство:
- Прослушайте видео: Внимательно послушайте полное видео с Мелиссой, сосредоточившись на интонациях и эмоциональном окрасу её голоса.
- Выберите фразу: Начните с одной из предложенных фраз, которые вам особенно интересны или актуальны.
- Повторяйте за спикером: Включите видео и, когда Мелисса произносит фразу, повторяйте её в то же время, стараясь подстраиваться под её интонацию и ритм. Это техника шадоуинг английский, которая позволит вам улучшить произношение и уверенность в себе.
- Запишите себя: После нескольких повторений запишите, как вы произносите эту фразу. Сравните свою запись с оригиналом, обращая внимание на различия в произношении.
- Практикуйтесь регулярно: Повторяйте это упражнение, добавляя новые фразы по мере прогресса. Используйте YouTube как ресурс для обучения английскому языку и найдите другие видео, которые вам интересны.
Метод шадоуинг не просто помогает улучшить произношение, но и развивает навыки активного слушания, что является ключевым для практики разговорного английского. Если вы хотите учить английский с YouTube, данный подход станет для вас отличным помощником.
Что такое техника Shadowing?
Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.
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