Практика Shadowing: Computer Repair Shop Workers Confess Their SINS - Изучайте разговорный английский с YouTube
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In this week's installment of Confess Your Sins,
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In this week's installment of Confess Your Sins,
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we ask Computer Shop Repairmen if they have any.
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And apparently they do.
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Top class intro that one is, isn't it?
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And, and, here's the tie-in.
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Let's read them.
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I had a casual job over Christmas at a local repair store.
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A sketchy, mid-40s looking guy comes in with his laptop telling us it wouldn't turn on.
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You know it's related, don't you?
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While repairing the laptop and testing it,
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one of my co-workers found it had a substantial amount of Chris Paul.
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We all know what you're talking about.
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Cyberpunk the game.
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On his desktop, as well as some other dodgy stuff,
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we contacted the police and they took it from there.
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A couple of weeks later,
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his wife comes in and apologises to us in person.
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Brutal.
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Yes, it is.
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I just don't understand how you'd be so dumb to walk in.
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Uh, yeah, mate, this computer with a bunch of illicit,
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illegal material that you, by law,
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have to contact the police immediately on seeing is broken.
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Uh, can you not do that in future?
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Thanks, mate.
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It's not even to catch a predator, is it?
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It's just, you know, where's the sport?
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Before I was born, my dad used to be a mobile computer repairman on an island in Sydney
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that is basically one big hippie commune.
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I don't even know where this place is, man.
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I'm sure it's just a mere $8 million a house.
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One day, one of his clients couldn't pay for his services,
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so she offered him a free energy healing session.
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Oh no, I thought this was gonna be a dick sock day.
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Long story short, when I was born, I was not vaccinated.
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Yeah, you had good energy,
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so shut the f*** up.
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Stop spreading bad energy, c***.
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My brother and I ran an incredible grift on the good people of the small town we worked in.
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We each operated our own competing computer repair shops in the same shitty arcade.
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What kind of f***ing rube town do you live in where they don't figure that out?
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Look at it at the stores.
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Oh yeah, mate, it's the biggest rivalry ever, mate.
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Phil Lerman's computer shop and Dave Lerman's computer shop.
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F***ing, they just open up the same spot and f***ing hate each other, c***.
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If one of us got someone who felt like that they try and haggle,
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we'd massively overquote them so they'd go to the other shop and get a much lower but still overpriced quote.
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Yeah, f***ing, I'm on your side, f***ing.
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This is a f***ing India.
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If one of us got a real Karen, we'd abuse them.
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So they threatened to go elsewhere and storm right off into the arms of the other shop.
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We shared the funds and made absolute bank.
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The old twin brother trick.
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Except for you weren't even fucking twins.
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Worked as a tech at a computer store that did warranty repairs for a range of manufacturers.
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One day, a guy with a thick Scandinavian.
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It's already awesome.
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Mein Computerhosen.
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Mein Computerhosen.
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Slaps an Acer laptop down on the counter and explains,
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I have disk- Do the- Yeah,
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yeah, yeah, I gotta do the accent.
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I have to do the accent.
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I have a disk stuck in my ass- Yeah,
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c-
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It's so good, especially because it's just like sort of this cultural stereotype
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that they do have things stuck in their ass up.
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So yeah, had to hold in love.
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I don't know how you did it.
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Especially because like don't you think that's the time where it's like even harder to not laugh?
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Is there something comical about this situation?
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Who is it?
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But ended up being able to remove the CD for him.
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From that day forth, we all changed our pronunciation to ASSA.
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Good, good.
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Had to be done.
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As it more accurately reflected the quality of their- It does!
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They f***ing suck!
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Even I know that.
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They're f***ing that brand.
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Even made a BIOS launch screen spelled ASSA.
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Gonna pretend that I know what a BIOS screen is.
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I'm sure it's very amusing.
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And installed it for a few lucky punters who had their machines in for repairs.
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I still wonder if they noticed.
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Yeah, top story.
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That was a f***ing pearl of that one.
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Americans, did you know that I'm doing a tour across the United States?
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Well, I am.
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I'm also touring in Sydney, Aubrey and Newcastle.
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So get your tickets for those.
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It was one of my first few weeks working at the computer repair section of my store
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when some guy walks in demanding we fix his slow computer to de-escalate the situation.
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My manager decided to try and help him.
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When she went to look at the computer,
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she realized there were live maggots crawling out of it.
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Fuck me.
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Okay, so it was just Satan.
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Satan was the customer.
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She started gagging and told the guy he had to leave.
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After some arguing, he storms off,
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leaving even more maggots that were hiding on his body.
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All right, that's the most disturbing thing I've ever heard of my- That's just hellish.
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That's- What the fuck is going on?
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What, so he's rotting?
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It's- How are they living on him?
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Numerous stories, but the one that stands out in particular is when a basement dweller neckbeard,
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not unlike what was described in your Warhammer vids,
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showed up and requested us to fix their working laptop.
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What was the issue?
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Apparently it suddenly died one day,
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it refused to turn on.
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Grabbing it, I took it onto my workbench and only realized a sticky residue.
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Mind you, I grabbed it with my bare hands.
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Odd, but could be juice of some sort.
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I'm gonna assume that's juice.
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Netbeard's are a very healthy demographic.
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It's gonna stick my tongue out on that.
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Yeah, no, it's salty.
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Okay, he could have put some supplements in it.
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So it made me think perhaps it was water damage of some sort.
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You just wanted to f***ing touch his f***.
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Opening the back of the laptop,
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I found crusty remains of what appeared to be a sticky gelatinous white...
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See, look at him, still.
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Okay, white, so it's obviously a licey juice and it's still salty.
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It spares further analysis.
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And just come taste this, mate.
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That was unlike any form of juice I'd ever seen.
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But yeah, it's still definitely juice.
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And that's where the stench hit my nose and realized what that juice really was.
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I heaved and emptied the remainder of my lunch that day.
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Looking back, I should have realized that the dude with the 50 plus hentai stickers on the back of his laptop.
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50 plus, what a gooner.
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I reckon that guy rubs it when it's like flaccid.
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Probably be the sort of person to do that sort of stuff.
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Yes, well he got there, didn't he?
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Whatever the case is, I still wash my hands regularly to this day
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and every single time I deal with anything customer facing,
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I always wear gloves every single time.
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All right, the laptop suffered liquid damage and was irreparable.
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That's, well, yeah, I mean, technically, true.
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All right, no one's lying.
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Honestly, probably a good thing is the police would have had to ask me less questions later if necessary.
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Oh yeah, he's into that goblin thick hentai, is he?
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My strangest duty as a computer tech is being a surrogate
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father to a senior citizen who spends all day watching pimple popping videos.
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Oh, that's, I'd rather touch the and frequenting forums dedicated to pimple popping.
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I kind of get it though.
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It's that when you see the mango worms coming out of the holes in the dog.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Oh, no, that's f***ing, that's f***ing, yeah, yeah.
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Keep it going.
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Oh, I got them all.
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Yeah, nice.
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He picks up so many viruses and malware doing this.
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Really?
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We've had to install a parental account on his phone,
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so now whenever he wants to install an app,
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he needs to come in and have us authorise it.
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Really?
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That's repeat business.
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Nice.
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Still manages to fill his phone with malware, but we're not angry.
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Just disappointed.
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Why is malware attached to that?
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That's actually...
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Can someone let me know in the comments?
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I've got no f***ing idea why you attach it to that.
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Worked at a returns department that didn't really do repairs per se,
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but we pretended we did.
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Come on down to Mitchell's wizards in training, computer wizards.
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We will.
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Have a look at your computer and your guess is as bad as ours actually, really?
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Like, yeah, yeah, you got a better chance going to a vet.
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One time a lady bought in a MacBook that was apparently running slowly.
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It was one of the older models with a mechanical drive,
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but we thought we'd try cleaning up her deleted files,
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etc. Maybe increase performance.
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Oh, no, I'm not one of you sh**.
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F**k, I hate getting you online.
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Sometimes a computer, even when you've deleted it all,
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is a good thing to just press record.
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It's the only thing I know how to do!
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My colleague began digging through her drive.
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She left us a password to log in,
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and he found a folder called cucumber.
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Found a folder called?
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Cucumbers.
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Cucumbers?
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Read it.
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That's all it's, dude, it's blocked off.
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What does it say?
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Cumber.
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Oh, okay, yeah, sorry.
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Cumber.
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No, that isn't a typo.
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And it contained videos of her rattling her clam with a super r- All right,
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that's how we're referring to her from now on, boys.
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Anytime the ever catchy missus in the bath,
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she is rattling her clam.
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Needless to say, she couldn't quite figure out why me and my colleague couldn't meet her gaze when she...
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Oh, no!
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When she came back to pick it up,
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must have assumed that we were the awkward nerds
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that we are who haven't seen a real woman in our tech support basement room before,
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which I'm sure was also true as well,
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and that was probably the reason that you weren't able to make eye contact.
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You've never seen a vagina before.
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Did work experience at my local PC repair store.
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Guy comes in rather flustered and talking rather fast.
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He tells us he accidentally clicked on a link from a friend.
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Everyone's always an accident, aren't they?
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Accidentally clicked a link from a friend,
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which led to his computer being filled with porn.
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Oh, no. What a bad friend, bro.
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And he needed it removed before he...
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You know what?
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Actually, just that little...
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I think there's...
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Dude, he could be the only Ned Flanders on Earth.
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Oh, gosh darn doodly.
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This is quite the pickly-vidly.
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I better play with my willy-ly diddly before my wifely doodle comes home and sees me with my noodle.
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That was all ad-libbed.
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Fuck you, it's pretty good.
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He then proceeded to get on the floor and show us the positions.
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What?
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So one is doing this,
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then the girl is doing this to him,
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and then you go here.
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Fucking Ned Flanders, I'm telling you now,
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this guy's never seen porn before.
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Or seems to understand the concept of sex despite having a wife.
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That poor woman.
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There's a guy giving another guy what for?
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Yeah, it's a friend.
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It's a f***ing friend.
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Of course, dude, that's the classic.
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I'm putting gay porn on.
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The whole time he's on the floor at different positions.
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I don't know why he's playing charades, but anyway.
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Doing doggy one moment, then he's on his back and so forth.
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My manager, without skipping a beat, says $500, please.
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I'm laughing my freaking butt off as he gets up and goes,
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yep, just clean it now.
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My wife is home soon.
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It's nice to know that that like a classic Hollywood trope of a guy
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that works in some kind of electronic shop with a bunch of shit behind him and says shit all the time.
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Very disinterested at guys like that.
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38 new books.
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They're real.
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They're like a better call Saul except for they're only good for one thing and it's pretty lame and nerdy.
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But interesting nonetheless.
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You know what else I think is probably going to be a good yield.
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MacBook geniuses confess their sins.
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If you have worked at a Mac shop, let us know.
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Write your comments below and we will do the classic thing that everyone does to you guys.
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Man, I didn't sound like a genius.
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You looking forward to that?
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I am.
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See you next time.
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He means Apple Store.
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Oh yeah, Apple Store.
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I thought they showed Apple.
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BLB Lakshon
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Ключевая лексика и фразы
- repair shop - ремонтная мастерская
- laptop - ноутбук
- illegal material - незаконный материал
- to contact the police - связаться с полицией
- energy healing - энергетическое исцеление
- competing shops - соперничающие магазины
- haggle - торговаться
- overquote - завышать цены
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