ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: Computer Repair Shop Workers Confess Their SINS

In this week's installment of Confess Your Sins,

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In this week's installment of Confess Your Sins,

we ask Computer Shop Repairmen if they have any.

And apparently they do.

Top class intro that one is, isn't it?

And, and, here's the tie-in.

Let's read them.

I had a casual job over Christmas at a local repair store.

A sketchy, mid-40s looking guy comes in with his laptop telling us it wouldn't turn on.

You know it's related, don't you?

While repairing the laptop and testing it,

one of my co-workers found it had a substantial amount of Chris Paul.

We all know what you're talking about.

Cyberpunk the game.

On his desktop, as well as some other dodgy stuff,

we contacted the police and they took it from there.

A couple of weeks later,

his wife comes in and apologises to us in person.

Brutal.

Yes, it is.

I just don't understand how you'd be so dumb to walk in.

Uh, yeah, mate, this computer with a bunch of illicit,

illegal material that you, by law,

have to contact the police immediately on seeing is broken.

Uh, can you not do that in future?

Thanks, mate.

It's not even to catch a predator, is it?

It's just, you know, where's the sport?

Before I was born, my dad used to be a mobile computer repairman on an island in Sydney

that is basically one big hippie commune.

I don't even know where this place is, man.

I'm sure it's just a mere $8 million a house.

One day, one of his clients couldn't pay for his services,

so she offered him a free energy healing session.

Oh no, I thought this was gonna be a dick sock day.

Long story short, when I was born, I was not vaccinated.

Yeah, you had good energy,

so shut the f*** up.

Stop spreading bad energy, c***.

My brother and I ran an incredible grift on the good people of the small town we worked in.

We each operated our own competing computer repair shops in the same shitty arcade.

What kind of f***ing rube town do you live in where they don't figure that out?

Look at it at the stores.

Oh yeah, mate, it's the biggest rivalry ever, mate.

Phil Lerman's computer shop and Dave Lerman's computer shop.

F***ing, they just open up the same spot and f***ing hate each other, c***.

If one of us got someone who felt like that they try and haggle,

we'd massively overquote them so they'd go to the other shop and get a much lower but still overpriced quote.

Yeah, f***ing, I'm on your side, f***ing.

This is a f***ing India.

If one of us got a real Karen, we'd abuse them.

So they threatened to go elsewhere and storm right off into the arms of the other shop.

We shared the funds and made absolute bank.

The old twin brother trick.

Except for you weren't even fucking twins.

Worked as a tech at a computer store that did warranty repairs for a range of manufacturers.

One day, a guy with a thick Scandinavian.

It's already awesome.

Mein Computerhosen.

Slaps an Acer laptop down on the counter and explains,

I have disk- Do the- Yeah,

yeah, yeah, I gotta do the accent.

I have to do the accent.

I have a disk stuck in my ass- Yeah,

It's so good, especially because it's just like sort of this cultural stereotype

that they do have things stuck in their ass up.

So yeah, had to hold in love.

I don't know how you did it.

Especially because like don't you think that's the time where it's like even harder to not laugh?

Is there something comical about this situation?

Who is it?

But ended up being able to remove the CD for him.

From that day forth, we all changed our pronunciation to ASSA.

Good, good.

Had to be done.

As it more accurately reflected the quality of their- It does!

They f***ing suck!

Even I know that.

They're f***ing that brand.

Even made a BIOS launch screen spelled ASSA.

Gonna pretend that I know what a BIOS screen is.

I'm sure it's very amusing.

And installed it for a few lucky punters who had their machines in for repairs.

I still wonder if they noticed.

Yeah, top story.

That was a f***ing pearl of that one.

Americans, did you know that I'm doing a tour across the United States?

Well, I am.

I'm also touring in Sydney, Aubrey and Newcastle.

So get your tickets for those.

It was one of my first few weeks working at the computer repair section of my store

when some guy walks in demanding we fix his slow computer to de-escalate the situation.

My manager decided to try and help him.

When she went to look at the computer,

she realized there were live maggots crawling out of it.

Fuck me.

Okay, so it was just Satan.

Satan was the customer.

100

She started gagging and told the guy he had to leave.

101

After some arguing, he storms off,

102

leaving even more maggots that were hiding on his body.

103

All right, that's the most disturbing thing I've ever heard of my- That's just hellish.

104

That's- What the fuck is going on?

105

What, so he's rotting?

106

It's- How are they living on him?

107

Numerous stories, but the one that stands out in particular is when a basement dweller neckbeard,

108

not unlike what was described in your Warhammer vids,

109

showed up and requested us to fix their working laptop.

110

What was the issue?

111

Apparently it suddenly died one day,

112

it refused to turn on.

113

Grabbing it, I took it onto my workbench and only realized a sticky residue.

114

Mind you, I grabbed it with my bare hands.

115

Odd, but could be juice of some sort.

116

I'm gonna assume that's juice.

117

Netbeard's are a very healthy demographic.

118

It's gonna stick my tongue out on that.

119

Yeah, no, it's salty.

120

Okay, he could have put some supplements in it.

121

So it made me think perhaps it was water damage of some sort.

122

You just wanted to f***ing touch his f***.

123

Opening the back of the laptop,

124

I found crusty remains of what appeared to be a sticky gelatinous white...

125

See, look at him, still.

126

Okay, white, so it's obviously a licey juice and it's still salty.

127

It spares further analysis.

128

And just come taste this, mate.

129

That was unlike any form of juice I'd ever seen.

130

But yeah, it's still definitely juice.

131

And that's where the stench hit my nose and realized what that juice really was.

132

I heaved and emptied the remainder of my lunch that day.

133

Looking back, I should have realized that the dude with the 50 plus hentai stickers on the back of his laptop.

134

50 plus, what a gooner.

135

I reckon that guy rubs it when it's like flaccid.

136

Probably be the sort of person to do that sort of stuff.

137

Yes, well he got there, didn't he?

138

Whatever the case is, I still wash my hands regularly to this day

139

and every single time I deal with anything customer facing,

140

I always wear gloves every single time.

141

All right, the laptop suffered liquid damage and was irreparable.

142

That's, well, yeah, I mean, technically, true.

143

All right, no one's lying.

144

Honestly, probably a good thing is the police would have had to ask me less questions later if necessary.

145

Oh yeah, he's into that goblin thick hentai, is he?

146

My strangest duty as a computer tech is being a surrogate

147

father to a senior citizen who spends all day watching pimple popping videos.

148

Oh, that's, I'd rather touch the and frequenting forums dedicated to pimple popping.

149

I kind of get it though.

150

It's that when you see the mango worms coming out of the holes in the dog.

151

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

152

Oh, no, that's f***ing, that's f***ing, yeah, yeah.

153

Keep it going.

154

Oh, I got them all.

155

Yeah, nice.

156

He picks up so many viruses and malware doing this.

157

Really?

158

We've had to install a parental account on his phone,

159

so now whenever he wants to install an app,

160

he needs to come in and have us authorise it.

161

Really?

162

That's repeat business.

163

Nice.

164

Still manages to fill his phone with malware, but we're not angry.

165

Just disappointed.

166

Why is malware attached to that?

167

That's actually...

168

Can someone let me know in the comments?

169

I've got no f***ing idea why you attach it to that.

170

Worked at a returns department that didn't really do repairs per se,

171

but we pretended we did.

172

Come on down to Mitchell's wizards in training, computer wizards.

173

We will.

174

Have a look at your computer and your guess is as bad as ours actually, really?

175

Like, yeah, yeah, you got a better chance going to a vet.

176

One time a lady bought in a MacBook that was apparently running slowly.

177

It was one of the older models with a mechanical drive,

178

but we thought we'd try cleaning up her deleted files,

179

etc. Maybe increase performance.

180

Oh, no, I'm not one of you sh**.

181

F**k, I hate getting you online.

182

Sometimes a computer, even when you've deleted it all,

183

is a good thing to just press record.

184

It's the only thing I know how to do!

185

My colleague began digging through her drive.

186

She left us a password to log in,

187

and he found a folder called cucumber.

188

Found a folder called?

189

Cucumbers.

190

Cucumbers?

191

Read it.

192

That's all it's, dude, it's blocked off.

193

What does it say?

194

Cumber.

195

Oh, okay, yeah, sorry.

196

Cumber.

197

No, that isn't a typo.

198

And it contained videos of her rattling her clam with a super r- All right,

199

that's how we're referring to her from now on, boys.

200

Anytime the ever catchy missus in the bath,

201

she is rattling her clam.

202

Needless to say, she couldn't quite figure out why me and my colleague couldn't meet her gaze when she...

203

Oh, no!

204

When she came back to pick it up,

205

must have assumed that we were the awkward nerds

206

that we are who haven't seen a real woman in our tech support basement room before,

207

which I'm sure was also true as well,

208

and that was probably the reason that you weren't able to make eye contact.

209

You've never seen a vagina before.

210

Did work experience at my local PC repair store.

211

Guy comes in rather flustered and talking rather fast.

212

He tells us he accidentally clicked on a link from a friend.

213

Everyone's always an accident, aren't they?

214

Accidentally clicked a link from a friend,

215

which led to his computer being filled with porn.

216

Oh, no. What a bad friend, bro.

217

And he needed it removed before he...

218

You know what?

219

Actually, just that little...

220

I think there's...

221

Dude, he could be the only Ned Flanders on Earth.

222

Oh, gosh darn doodly.

223

This is quite the pickly-vidly.

224

I better play with my willy-ly diddly before my wifely doodle comes home and sees me with my noodle.

225

That was all ad-libbed.

226

Fuck you, it's pretty good.

227

He then proceeded to get on the floor and show us the positions.

228

What?

229

So one is doing this,

230

then the girl is doing this to him,

231

and then you go here.

232

Fucking Ned Flanders, I'm telling you now,

233

this guy's never seen porn before.

234

Or seems to understand the concept of sex despite having a wife.

235

That poor woman.

236

There's a guy giving another guy what for?

237

Yeah, it's a friend.

238

It's a f***ing friend.

239

Of course, dude, that's the classic.

240

I'm putting gay porn on.

241

The whole time he's on the floor at different positions.

242

I don't know why he's playing charades, but anyway.

243

Doing doggy one moment, then he's on his back and so forth.

244

My manager, without skipping a beat, says $500, please.

245

I'm laughing my freaking butt off as he gets up and goes,

246

yep, just clean it now.

247

My wife is home soon.

248

It's nice to know that that like a classic Hollywood trope of a guy

249

that works in some kind of electronic shop with a bunch of shit behind him and says shit all the time.

250

Very disinterested at guys like that.

251

38 new books.

252

They're real.

253

They're like a better call Saul except for they're only good for one thing and it's pretty lame and nerdy.

254

But interesting nonetheless.

255

You know what else I think is probably going to be a good yield.

256

MacBook geniuses confess their sins.

257

If you have worked at a Mac shop, let us know.

258

Write your comments below and we will do the classic thing that everyone does to you guys.

259

Man, I didn't sound like a genius.

260

You looking forward to that?

261

I am.

262

See you next time.

263

He means Apple Store.

264

Oh yeah, Apple Store.

265

I thought they showed Apple.

266

BLB Lakshon

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