Практика Shadowing: What Does An Unhealthy (vs Healthy) ENFP Look Like? - Изучайте разговорный английский с YouTube

Hey guys, Heidi Preeb here.

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Hey guys, Heidi Preeb here.

Today I wanted to talk about something that isn't a complaint, so to speak, in the type community, but that I've heard some people comment that they wish there was more content around.

So with the Enneagram of personality, which is a personality system that a lot of people love and ascribe to, there are levels of health within each type.

So what that means is that if you are a type 1, you will get a description not just of your personality on a regular basis,

but also what it looks like when you are super healthy and kind of killing it at being yourself

versus what it looks like when you are doing a very crappy job of being yourself.

I don't know, there's probably a better way to phrase that, but that's what I'm going with.

When your worst traits are coming out and when you are unable to compensate for your weaknesses, so to speak.

So is there a similar thing in Myers-Briggs is a question that a lot of people have asked, that a lot of awesome discussions have centered around.

And unofficially, we can kind of look at each type through the lens of unhealthy versus healthier expressions of type.

So for the purpose of this video, I'm gonna define unhealthy as when you are operating from a place

that goes against your natural energy and gives you results that you don't want in your life, okay?

All of us do this.

There is nothing inherently bad or shameful about being in a place where you're working against your natural energy, it just probably isn't going to feel very good, right?

And then on the flip side of that, I'll define healthy as when you are working with your natural energy

and getting lots of results that you want out of life.

And obviously, this is going to look completely different for each type.

In fact, many types, when they're at their absolute worst or least healthiest, are functioning kind of like a different type at average health.

So for example, an ENFP who is not doing so well in life

and who is really struggling might look more like an IST in terms of the actions that they're taking.

However, an ISTJ taking those exact same actions might be functioning really, really well and be feeling quite happy with their life because once again,

type is all about your energy.

When we're working with our energy and getting the results that we want out of life, we tend to be pretty happy and healthy.

And when we are doing the opposite, we tend to be pretty unhappy and unhealthy.

So what does this look like for the ENFP?

Okay, so I want to talk about four different kind of dimensions that the ENFP can fall on, and there are endless dimensions like these.

These are just the four that I have noticed pop up over and over again in my own life, as well as in the lives of ENFPs that I know.

So the first dimension of unhealthy to healthy

that I would encourage all ENFPs to consider their own lives

through the lens of is the continuum of living in victim mode versus living in creator mode.

So if you have watched any of my videos on the drama triangle, you know that living in victim mode means

when you feel like the world is kind of against you

and you are constantly just reacting to things that you feel like are happening to you, but you aren't necessarily proactively taking control of your life.

And when you're living in creator mode, which is a term that comes from the empowerment dynamic, you are happening to your life.

So you are looking around and going, no matter what resources I have available to me, no matter what's going on outside of me, no matter what challenges I'm up against.

How can I live in a creative way

that allows me to get results that I want that might be a little bit outside of the box, right?

And ENFPs, when they are healthy and when they are working with their natural energy,

are incredible at working outside of the box and getting incredibly creative and astonishing results from their life.

However, why do we fall into victim mode when we are unhealthy?

I think that this is actually a state that isn't very natural for the ENFP, but can come about when we start to feel isolated.

The way the world is designed is not necessarily set up for ENFPs

and that can make us feel very victimized when we grow up

and start trying to follow someone else's path and then become increasingly depressed

and increasingly stressed out when we realize I'm not getting the results that I want out of life.

I don't feel inspired and alive

and like I am excited to wake up in the mornings

and it can be easy to feel a little bit victimized by that.

It can also feel very isolating to feel like we're not

meeting a lot of people who are very similar to us

or who share our values or our dreams or the way

that we think and that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy

because the more we believe

that nobody is ever going to understand us the more we hide ourselves away

and the more we hide ourselves away the less connections we make

and so when we are focusing on how different we are and how misunderstood we are we are living in victim mode.

And the way to step out of victim mode into creator

mode is to look at how we can get more of the thing that we are currently missing in our lives.

So I remember in like my early 20s, I started feeling like where are all the other people like me?

Like I am not happy working my nine to five.

I'm not happy with many of the relationships that I have at this point in my life, and I realized

that the people who are like me were all out in the world doing all the shit

that I didn't have the balls to do because I was at home playing it safe.

And so I started living nomadically, I got a remote job, I started traveling full-time, and I started meeting so many other perceivers.

And my life up until this point had been a lot of judges, and there's nothing wrong with being a judger.

I have judger friends and family who I love with my whole entire heart

and who I learned so much from but no one makes me feel quite as not crazy as other perceivers.

When I'm in the company of a whole bunch of other peas I just feel like I'm understood.

My energy matches these people's energy and

when I started traveling all the time my life became full of perceivers and that was me stepping into creator mode.

I looked at my problem

and I thought how can I be creative about sourcing the solution right

and now at this point my life I'm kind of going through this process all over again

because I spent so long traveling and partying and having good times that I neglected to nurture relationships that were deeper.

And so now I'm wondering and I'm asking myself the question, how do I find people who want to go deeper, who want to have more intellectual connections,

who are a lot more emotionally available and ready to talk about difficult topics?

And once again I'm learning I have to be the one who puts myself out there first.

I have to be the one who shows up honestly and authentically and who doesn't make a joke out of everything.

And eventually, people who are living in the same way will find me

and I will find them because neither of us are wearing a mask, right?

So when you step out of victim mode as an ENFP and into creator mode, you're taking responsibility for the life that you want and the results

that you want out of your life

and you are finding creative solutions to the problems that you're facing

that currently stand in the way of you getting what you want.

So an unhealthy ENFP is living in victim mode, feeling like everything is happening to them, and a healthy ENFP is living in creator mode, making amazing things happen with their life.

Dimension number two that I wanna talk about

when it comes to the health

or unhealthiness of an ENFP is whether they are running away from discomfort or towards their purpose.

So you are an E and a P, and that means that no, your life is not going to have a singular purpose, right?

There's that phrase like multi-potentialite that I think a lot of NEDOMs in particular relate to.

By the way, if you don't know what I'm talking about when I say things like N-E-F-I-T-E or S-I, I'm talking about the ENFP's cognitive functions,

which are the modes of processing that we prefer inside of our minds as ENFPs.

If you wanna learn more about your cognitive makeup as an ENFP, I do run a six-week ENFP soul bootcamp online course where I use the cognitive functions as little characters,

kind of like the movie Inside Out, to show you what's going on inside of your brain and to break down the way that you process information, make decisions, understand your emotions, and manage your own health and wellness.

And we talk about how to do all of

that in a way that works with your natural energy rather than against it.

So you can check that out on my website at www.heidepriebe.com and the link is in the description to this video.

So a lot of us who lead with extroverted intuition feel like we have many different life purposes

and at different points in our lives, we will be pursuing different things and that's totally okay.

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However, there are also points in our lives where we are

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not purposefully moving in any direction we are just trying to avoid pain or discomfort.

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Now, ENFPs are known for being very optimistic, very positive, very upbeat, and a lot of that is true,

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and those are wonderful qualities that I would never want you to lose.

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However, if we leave our positivity and our bubbly natures unchecked, they can lead into compulsive avoidance of anything that feels uncomfortable,

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and that is definitely not a place we want to end up in.

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When we are in that place, we end up just chasing highs endlessly in our lives without ever getting a real deep

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and pervasive sense of satisfaction or meaning out of our lives

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because we aren't taking the time to carefully cultivate the areas of our lives

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that might feel a little bit difficult or discomforting to grow through, right?

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All of the best things in life, whether they are business ventures, whether they are relationships with people, whether they are adventures or experiences that we have,

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require a little bit of discomfort at some point.

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And what is so ironic about ENFPs not wanting to sit with that discomfort is that when we are at our healthiest, it's actually one of the things that we are the best at, right?

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So the reason that ENFPs make such inspiring speakers and writers

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and leaders is because they are so adept at observing their emotional experiences and encouraging people to persevere through difficulty, right?

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An ENFP who has actualized their ability to sit with difficult emotions

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and persevere towards the things that they want out of life, even in the face of those difficult emotions, is one of the most self-actualized people you will ever meet.

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And that's why we tend to see so much creativity and ambition within this type.

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But in order to actualize those things, you have to be willing to stay with things when they're uncomfortable.

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If you know that you want what's on the other side of that discomfort, right?

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I'm all about letting go of the parts of our lives that we honestly just don't want.

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But if you know that you want something, if you know that you feel aligned with something, that there is something you are meant to create or explore or learn about or do,

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you owe it to yourself to be sticking through any moments of discomfort that arise along the way to that thing.

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And you don't have to be cruel to yourself in the process.

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You don't have to beat yourself up in the process.

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You just have to be willing to commit to it.

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The non-committal ENFP is a lot of fun, but the ENFP who is committed to something they really care about in life is one of the most incredible

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and inspiring people you will ever meet.

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You owe it to yourself to fight your way into that person.

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We both know it's in you.

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Unhealthy versus healthy scale number three is the scale from selectively honest to radically transparent.

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So now we're going to start talking about your introverted feeling function.

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So ENFPs are very deeply emotive people.

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We feel our feelings very deeply

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and we are aware of our emotions to a much greater extent than a lot of other types.

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Whatever your second cognitive function is, is the function that you kind of observe.

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So you have a little bit of distance from it, and so you often have a really great perspective on how it operates.

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And this is ENFPs with introverted feeling.

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We're in our feelings, but not so much that they completely take us over and we lose perspective on them.

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We can, but not as a rule.

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And this gives us the incredible opportunity to develop a profound sense of self-awareness.

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And the healthy ENFP is comfortable looking at all different parts of their personality, the good, the bad, the ugly, the terrifying, the exciting, everything,

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and being honest with other people about their motivations, their desires, their fears, their hopes.

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But it is a very scary and vulnerable thing to do that and to share yourself in that way, right?

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So a lot of us as ENFPs, for much of our lives, especially if we feel misunderstood or alone, will be selectively honest.

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So we kind of learn what we think other people want from us, what is going to go over the best in a crowd, what we think is going to make someone like us,

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and we only show those parts of our personality.

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Now, everyone does this to some extent, right?

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It is human nature to wear masks sometimes.

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However, what's a bit more unique to ENFPs

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or maybe just to NF types in general is that we are so hyper aware of the masks that we're wearing, right?

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A lot of people wear masks and don't even notice it.

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It's largely unconscious for them.

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But because it is so conscious to us, we owe it to ourselves to start to examine that

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and figure out where and when and why am I wearing these masks?

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Where and when and why does it not feel authentic to me?

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And how can I live in a more transparent way?

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The reason you want to start living in a more transparent way is

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because it is going to be phenomenally healing for your mental health.

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I am a die-hard firm believer that we are as sick as our secrets.

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And the more that we are lying to ourselves or other people, the more that we are hiding ourselves from ourselves or other people,

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the more that we are getting what we want through manipulation rather than direct and compassionate communication, the more we are going to suffer physically, mentally, and emotionally.

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And everyone always kind of freaks out when I use the word ENFP and manipulative in the same sentence.

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Every type manipulates okay so let's get

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that off the board right away this is not about you

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being more manipulative than other types this is about you having the capacity perhaps more

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so than some other types to realize when you're being manipulative

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because you have that capacity for extreme self-awareness right so you more

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so than other types might have the ability to catch yourself in these moments

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when you are portraying a not completely honest or transparent version of yourself

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and start communicating more authentically more truthfully and more directly.

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And the thing that is really cool about this is that

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that is probably the quickest way to earn other people's trust anyway.

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Yes, showing up as your authentic self is going to drive away people who are freaked out by authenticity,

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and when I say authenticity I don't mean making other people uncomfortable with your truth.

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I just mean stating honestly and with as much regulation

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and groundedness as possible the truth about what's going going on for you in any given moment.

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This doesn't mean you have to be rude.

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It doesn't mean you have to be harsh.

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It doesn't mean that you are trying not to make other people comfortable.

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I'll make maybe another video on being authentic without being off-putting.

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But what I'm mostly encouraging here is stop catering your personality to other people

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and start worrying about how to communicate who you actually are to other people.

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Because at the end of the day everybody is always going

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to get more benefit out of authentic self-expression than they're going to out of someone people pleasing them, right?

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When someone's a people pleaser or

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when someone is very obviously wearing a social mask it just makes the other person feel uncomfortable anyways, right?

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Like no one wants to be around someone who's not being their true selves because they're kind of communicating to you subtly, I don't want you to be your true self either, right?

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The power of introverted feeling is the power of showing up as you actually are

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and giving other people permission to do the same thing.

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And healthy ENFPs do this exceptionally well.

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And the last scale that I want to tend to here when we talk about unhealthy versus healthy ENFPs, and again, this is far from the true last scale, but it's the last one we're going to talk about today

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is compartmentalizing your well-being versus dealing with your health in a holistic way.

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And this is one that I think is so common to younger ENFPs.

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So ENFPs who have not yet learned

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that they need to operate differently than the people around them

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because the way that their energy is oriented is just different from the norm.

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So I see a lot of young ENFPs thinking that they have one of two options, right?

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They can either become incredibly regimented

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and kind of make their life very small and controlled

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and do certain routines over and over

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and over again in order to get them money or health

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or whatever it is that they feel like is going to be responsible for them to do.

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Or they can be free and live in a way

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that is fun and exciting and that is aligned with their natural energy, but as a consequence of that, they are going to have to be in financial ruin or constantly struggle in relationships

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or never be completely understood by other people.

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And this is absolutely a false dichotomy, okay?

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You do not have to be regimented, stuck in your ways, and doing things the way that an STJ type would in order to be healthy.

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You also do not have to be living in a way that is completely irresponsible in order to be happy.

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So you can drop this mindset of, I will suffer now in order to be happy later, and start asking yourself, how can I be happy without suffering?

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Because that is possible, believe it or not.

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And this is going to require some integration of the inferior function, which for ENFPs is integrated sensing.

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It is the part of you that secretly kind of loves routines

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and balance and doing the same thing over and over and over again.

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And you like to do this generally for a short period of time, then you get bored of it and want excitement again.

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But if you can learn to integrate routines into your life in a way

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that actually keeps you balanced while you are exploring and grasping onto new opportunities, you are going to be able to live that way forever.

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And that is how it should be.

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You are built to be excited and exploring and learning until the day you die, and you should not have to take a single break from that unless and until you want to,

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and I wholeheartedly believe that that is possible for you.

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Anywhere where we are compromising our well-being

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or where we are lying to ourselves about what makes us happy is going to impact our overall health and happiness.

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It just is.

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There's no getting away from that.

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We cannot compartmentalize as well as it feels like we can compartmentalize, okay?

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So if you are living in a very adventurous way, but you feel super unhealthy or super freaked out about your future, that is already impeding upon your happiness.

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It's not that later that's gonna become a problem.

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It's a problem now if it's causing you consistent stress.

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So you need to find a way to deal with those

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things in order to get the most out of whatever you're doing in life, right?

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And the same goes if you're living in the opposite extreme.

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If you are limiting the things that you do and promising yourself happiness and joy later.

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You are murdering your soul in the process because you are allowing yourself to forget the things

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that make you feel energized and excited and

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that give you the energy to go for what you want in the first place, right?

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You have to start looking at yourself as a whole person, not as a series of kind of compartmentalized people, some of whom are responsible and some of whom are really wild and crazy.

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These are all the same people.

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They all live inside of you

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and you have to find a way to balance these energies

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if you ever want to be happy in a sustainable, long-lasting way.

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So that means being very accepting of all of the different parts of you, as you should be, because there's absolutely nothing wrong with any of them.

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They just might need a little bit of integration.

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All right, I think that's all I have to say for today.

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Once again, if you're interested in learning more about your personality type as an ENFP, check out my website at www.heideprieve.com.

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The link is in this description.

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And until next time, I love you guys.

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I hope you're taking care of yourselves.

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I hope you are working with yourselves as much as humanly possible rather than against yourselves, and I will see you back here again soon.

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