Shadowing Practice: growing is so uncomfortable lol - Learn English Speaking with Video

Bir pratik modu seçin

Her mod tam ekran bir pratik odası açar.

668 cümleler

Cümleler çok kısa veya çok uzun ise, ayarlamak için Düzenle'ye tıklayın.

A dinner that I eat frequently is pasta with tomato sauce, some veggies, and some sort of cheesy topping,

either like Parmesan cheese or nutritional yeast, which is like a vegan, cheesy, weird alternative.

In the last two nights that I've eaten it, about 10 minutes post -consumption of the meal,

I've developed a really bizarre rash on my elbows, knees, and ears,

okay? itchy red patches on my elbows and knees in hot burning red ears.

What is that?

I googled it.

I didn't I didn't figure anything out.

I don't really know what's going on.

But if you're wondering why my aura is off, if my aura even is off, I can't tell if it's off.

It's really hard to read your own aura.

You can do it.

It's possible.

But it's kind of hard.

If my aura seems off to you, it's because I'm having an active allergic reaction right now.

I don't know.

I don't know what it is.

Like, is it the tomato sauce?

Am I allergic to tomatoes?

Well, that will suck because I love tomato based things.

I love ketchup.

Does this mean I can't eat ketchup anymore?

I love dipping a fry in ketchup.

Even more sad.

This is one of my go to dinners.

I love this dinner.

I love a big bowl of pasta with red sauce with tomato sauce.

I love that.

Am I allergic to broccoli? that's my favorite vegetable.

And that's what was in the pasta the last two nights.

I had broccoli in there.

I'm bummed right now.

So if my aura's off, it's because my body is a mystery to me right now.

It is a mystery.

And I will get to the bottom of it.

And I may keep you posted.

But either way, I'm giving an aura disclaimer.

If the aura's off, that's why.

The aura also might be off because of the topic of this episode.

Although I will say, I feel like the phase of life that I'm in right now isn't necessarily destroying my aura.

Like, I don't feel like my aura completely sucks.

However, I'm definitely in a stage of limbo in my life right now in a way that's undeniably deeply uncomfortable for me.

And I don't think it's putting me into a bad place that's like emanating bad vibes out of me,

but I'm definitely a little bit uncomfortable and that's what I'm going to be talking about today.

The phase of life that I'm in.

And to be honest, I didn't write an outline for this episode.

And I'm normally very type A in particular about writing outlines for every single podcast episode to ensure

that there's a flow and it's easy to follow.

But I didn't do that today.

And that freaks me out.

But that also kind of goes hand in hand with what I'm going through in my life right now,

which is what I would call a growth stage.

I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode of Anything Goes is presented by Hotels .com.

Save Your Way is a new feature on Hotels .com and it's as simple as it sounds.

When you book a trip as a Hotels .com member, you decide how to use your savings.

Take the instant savings now or bank the savings as rewards for later.

It's your call, only at Hotels .com.

Save Your Way is available to loyalty members in the US and UK on hotels with member prices.

Other terms apply.

See site for details.

Now back to the episode.

I feel like I'm growing right now, okay?

In a way that makes me very uncomfortable, because growing is uncomfortable.

But see, the thing is, it's one thing to grow on like a micro scale, like in one area of your life.

It's another thing to be growing on a broader scale, like in multiple areas of life at once.

And right now I feel like I'm going through a phase where I'm 360 growing.

I'm growing in every single category of my life.

I don't feel solid necessarily in any area of my life.

And it's definitely very chaotic and uncomfortable.

But I also know that it's awesome and it's crucial.

And I think the purpose of today's episode is not to

necessarily share with you my solution on how to handle an uncomfortable growth phase that sort of feels like a limbo,

but rather just share what I'm going through because that's kind of all I know how to talk about right now.

You know, it's hard to talk about anything else when you're in a phase like that.

And it's fascinating because it genuinely applies to every single category in my life.

Okay, let's break down the categories of life.

There's mental health, mental well -being.

Okay, that's one area.

There's career and job.

There's social life, interacting with other people.

There's purpose, like your goals and your purpose in life, morals, values, goals, purposes, you know, that category.

What else?

I feel like that's it.

Oh, there's also love, romance, potentially, for some of us.

I would say I'd break my life down into those five categories.

I mean, there's probably more, but I just can't think of them right now.

And I will say I'm in an uncomfortable growth period in every single one.

Let's walk through it.

Starting with my mental health and well -being, okay?

If you're familiar with me, you know, my mental health challenges consist of anxiety,

OCD, perfectionism, control freakism, imposter syndrome.

I can get depressed.

I'm not really depressed right now.

Whoa, loving that, loving that, loving that that one's not rearing its ugly head right now.

But that does happen sometimes.

It's been a while though.

That's sort of who I am, right?

And I think I'm at a point right now where I've sort of enabled those brain neuropathways for

so long and I've not really addressed the root of those issues.

100

Like I've just kind of put a lot of band -aids on those challenges.

101

You know, like for example, if I'm super anxious because one of my parents didn't answer the phone

102

and I start spiraling and spiraling and spiraling and spiraling about, you know, what if something happened to them?

103

Okay.

104

What has been the solution to that up until this point?

105

It's been, let me get a hold of them.

106

Okay.

107

And then once I get a hold of them, I can let go of that anxiety.

108

But see, that's not really getting to the root of the problem.

109

That's just a bandaid.

110

Getting a hold of them and proving to myself that my anxiety was false,

111

you know, that is not necessarily a full -on solution because that doesn't help me develop any tools moving forward.

112

I've kind of been band -aid methoding.

113

And something that I'm particularly struggling with right now mentally is,

114

ironically, I have some things going on in my life that are really good.

115

Like, I've been blessed with a few blessings in my life as of recent in a way

116

that has been very profound for me in a way that I am unbelievably grateful for, okay?

117

And instead of just being grateful and stoked about the blessings in my life,

118

if you will, I've found myself actually kind of unable to process that I can receive such blessings.

119

And instead of enjoying these things, I'm more anxious and paranoid and freaked out than ever.

120

And I've tried, you know, all the things that I know how to do, right?

121

Mindfulness, even weird little things like imagining a stop sign in my head when I start spiraling about how well things are going,

122

perhaps getting myself back on track in that way, slowing down, you know, blah, blah, blah.

123

I've tried all the things that usually work, and they're not working this time.

124

I'm finding that I'm convincing myself that I don't deserve these things, and that because I've received certain blessings,

125

that now means that I'm going to be cursed.

126

And that's definitely an OCD brain thing, right?

127

And it's bad.

128

It's really bad, and it's really uncomfortable, and it's really ruining.

129

It's not ruining, actually.

130

Let's be gentle here.

131

It's not ruining, but it's making it very hard for me to enjoy the moment when I know,

132

and this is advice I've given on this podcast,

133

I know how important it is to enjoy the moment and to not worry about certain good things being taken away.

134

Listen, when Benson Boone said, please stay, I want you, wait, what did he say?

135

He's like, these beautiful things that I've got

136

that's like me right now that's literally me right now being like don't take it away okay

137

and i think that's somewhat normal right to be

138

so grateful for you know certain things in life

139

that come into your life

140

that then you sort of spiral about how you could it up

141

or ruin it but see for me my brain takes it a step further

142

and instead of just being like oh all of these beautiful things

143

that you know have have entered my life i'm not even worried about those things getting ruined,

144

I'm like worried about somehow it's triggered my brain to then be anxious about just catastrophe in general in my life.

145

Like I'm, things feel really nice right now in a way.

146

And it's making me afraid of like major catastrophe unrelated to actually the blessings in my life, if that makes sense.

147

I've been really grappling with this and I'll be honest, I do not have the solution.

148

And I've even been thinking like, is this something that I need?

149

help with, like a little more help, you know, like, is it time to talk to a professional?

150

And I'm wondering that.

151

And it probably is.

152

But see, the thing is, I'll always give that advice to other people.

153

But when it's myself, I'm, you know, much quicker to say, no, no, no, I got this handled.

154

And by the way, that's sometimes true.

155

Maybe I do.

156

But I think I'm having a moment of growth with my mental health maintenance,

157

where I'm like, ooh, I'm starting to wonder if I need a little more help with this.

158

And I don't know if that is the answer or not yet necessarily,

159

or if I'm going to have some sort of epiphany or I'm going to develop some sort of coping mechanism that's, or not even coping mechanism,

160

but some skill that helps me with this on my own.

161

That's also possible, you know,

162

but I am realizing that the way that I've been managing my mental health challenges is maybe not working anymore.

163

Like it's almost like the monster inside of my brain has grown.

164

Now I need a bigger sword.

165

And I'm not sure how I'm going to, where I'm going to get that sword.

166

Okay.

167

I'm not really sure what that sword looks like.

168

Is it super long?

169

Does it have a super dramatic handle?

170

Is it more short and minimalist in its style, you know, like I don't really know right now, but I'm on the precipice.

171

Like I I'm, I'm on the precipice of like, something's got to change.

172

You know what I'm saying?

173

I can't live like this I'm realizing.

174

And I think admitting that is necessary in growing through it.

175

But I think the problem is I don't really know what to do.

176

Only time will tell, you know, And I'm kind of going to let myself discover the solution with time.

177

But it's just an uncomfortable period right now where I'm like, ooh, this is a big problem.

178

And it's gotten a bit worse.

179

And I think it getting a bit worse made me realize, okay, I need to figure out how I'm going to slay this demon.

180

And I need to find my weapon.

181

And I don't know what my weapon is.

182

But I will say I'm really working hard right

183

now as I'm in this limbo in this particular area in

184

my life to put myself in uncomfortable positions to encourage more growth.

185

Okay, for example, I'm about to leave for a trip.

186

And I'm actually very excited about this trip.

187

You know, it's a work trip, but it's gonna be really fun.

188

And on this particular trip, I'm not going with any of my safety blankets.

189

Okay, I'm not taking my parents.

190

I'm not taking any of my close friends.

191

I'm going pretty much completely alone.

192

And there will be people in my travels that I know and love and am very close to,

193

but like, I'm not going on this trip with anyone, right?

194

Like, there's no one staying down the hall.

195

And on this particular trip, I'm stopping in a few places.

196

And there's no one who's going to be like a consistent person there with me through my travels.

197

And that's been really anxiety inducing for me, not because I'm worried about being alone.

198

I'm okay with that right now.

199

I've done some work on that because I became very dependent on traveling with others for a little while there.

200

And it kind of caused anxiety for me.

201

Then I became really anxious about traveling alone because it became really unfamiliar.

202

And then I encouraged myself to travel alone a few times

203

and I got over that fear and it was very successful and I'm feeling much more comfortable traveling alone.

204

However, on this particular trip that I'm leaving for, I'm struggling with anxiety about,

205

okay, I feel like I'm going to go on this trip and while I'm gone,

206

something bad's going to happen and I'm going to be really far away from home.

207

And because I am going to be particularly far away from home, I'm going to Europe.

208

I mean, that always feels kind of jarring to me because it is so far away.

209

You know, it's a 10 hour flight from California where my whole family is

210

and whatever and where most of my loved ones are and for whatever reason, I'm feeling really uncomfortable with that.

211

And I've even considered canceling the trip, honestly.

212

I was like, I don't even know if I want to do this, you know?

213

But there's opportunities, work opportunities that I'm stoked about that I will get to do on this trip.

214

But then my brain is like, well, you being stoked about this trip means that something bad's going to happen.

215

What if something bad happens while you're gone?

216

My brain is having a hard time just enjoying the moment right now in a way that I think is particularly bad.

217

And so I'm curious to see what happens because I'm not canceling the trip.

218

I'm going to go.

219

And I think what I'm trying to remember is that it doesn't matter if I'm on this trip or not.

220

Bad things can happen at any time.

221

Bad things also might not happen at any time.

222

Like it doesn't, I think my brain likes to conflate like, oh, if good things are happening in your life, then that means balance must.

223

ensue.

224

And that means bad things must happen too.

225

And that's just not real.

226

That's literally just my anxiety and my OCD fucking with me.

227

It's not real.

228

And I know that this trip is going to be psychologically challenging for me, which sounds ridiculous to say,

229

because it's like, wow, I'm about to go have a very wonderful time and a very productive time.

230

But instead, my brain is choosing to catastrophize.

231

And as much as I want to just cancel it

232

and stay home and be close to everybody and not go do that, I'm going to go do that.

233

And I think this trip will really help inform me in what my next move is.

234

You know, if I have some sort of epiphany or real growth moment,

235

then okay, you know, that might be a sign that I'm developing the skills I need to handle it on my own.

236

And if not, then maybe it's time to involve perhaps a professional who can help me with my brain

237

because I'm not playing around anymore.

238

It's gotten to that point now and we'll see what ends up happening.

239

So that's where I'm at with my mental health and well -being.

240

Now let's discuss where I'm at in my career, okay?

241

I am in a really uncomfortable growth period in my career

242

where it is not clear to me where I want to go next.

243

And I know that there's something, you know what I mean?

244

I feel it in my bones.

245

I'm like, there's something coming next, perhaps, but I don't know what it is exactly.

246

But I know that it's not anything that I've done before.

247

And I know that because I watch my YouTube videos, for example.

248

I can't even try to listen to my podcast episodes.

249

I do not listen to them.

250

I can't.

251

But like I watch my YouTube videos,

252

for example, and I cringe even at like the last video I made a month and a half ago or whatever, two months ago.

253

Even that video I cringe at and I just made that.

254

I know like I'm cringing at everything I've ever done right now, which is a totally normal part of growth,

255

especially in a more creative career you're gonna cringe at stuff when you've outgrown it.

256

And I feel like I've outgrown a lot of what I've done thus far in my career.

257

And I feel like

258

Emma as a 24, almost 25 year old is ready for the next chapter.

259

But unfortunately for me, I don't know what that is yet.

260

I really don't know.

261

And I've been trying to figure it out for a few months

262

but it's not coming to me as quickly as I wish it would.

263

and the most painful part about that is I'm forced to look back at what I've done before

264

and I'm not satisfied with it.

265

It makes me uncomfortable because I've grown past it.

266

But then I don't quite know yet what my next form of say expression is.

267

I don't really know what it is.

268

I know I'm kind of taught.

269

It sounds like I'm speaking in code.

270

It's so vague, but it's also vague to me.

271

I don't even know what I want to do.

272

Like, listen, I have some ideas

273

It's kind of percolating in my head, but nothing is solid enough for me to take action.

274

And it's driving me nuts a little bit, especially as somebody who's super type A, kind of a victim to hustle culture,

275

like struggles with attaching my self -worth to my work ethic.

276

That's something I work on.

277

And it's very important to me because that's an unhealthy thing to do.

278

I'm somebody who's prone to that, right?

279

I have a tendency to fall into that.

280

And I'm struggling because I don't feel like I'm making anything right now.

281

And it's because I don't have any ideas that really feel right.

282

And that's so normal, right?

283

Especially, again, in this particular career path that's more creative, it's less of a schedule.

284

It's very odd.

285

You know, it's a very odd layout.

286

And I'm aware of that.

287

But I'm struggling because I'm not very productive.

288

I don't feel very productive right now, in a way like I want to make something

289

so bad like I want to make something you know and

290

when I say I want to make something I think for me ultimately

291

that is entertainment of some sort right I guess

292

some could say that I'm on the internet making entertainment really I guess

293

if you were to boil it down I mean I think

294

there's a little bit more to it I think I kind of teeter between entertainment

295

and weirdly like connection and conversation and vulnerability and whatever it's like which isn't necessarily inherently entertaining always,

296

but it does serve some sort of purpose in that way.

297

I want to make something, I want to, I have this, I'm burning up, I'm burning on the inside, like it's burning a hole into me,

298

but I don't know what it is yet.

299

Like, I feel like, yeah, it's driving me nuts.

300

And I feel immense guilt as well too.

301

Like, I think especially on YouTube in particular, like I wanna make YouTube videos so bad.

302

And I know to some people, this might sound so fucking stupid.

303

It's like, yeah, then make one, idiot, idiot, make one.

304

Literally make one.

305

Like what?

306

What are you talking about?

307

I know, I know it sounds ridiculous, but I feel the most proud of what I'm doing when it's like coming from the right place.

308

And I'm not just making something to make it, but I'm making something and there's some sort of purpose in it for me.

309

And yeah, I'm just not really clear on it all right now.

310

And I don't really know what my next chapter is.

311

And it's been really hard on my self -esteem, honestly, because as I mentioned,

312

you know, I'm a perfectionist and I attach my sense of self to my productivity at times,

313

there's been somewhat of an ego death in all of this.

314

And again, from the outside looking in, it might not be clear, but I've spent so many days at home,

315

staring at the ceiling, thinking, getting nothing done.

316

And that's a part of this career path.

317

You know what I mean?

318

That is a part of it.

319

If your job is creative, that is inevitable.

320

You're not going to be able to get stuff done all the time.

321

And I know that, but I will say that this particular phase

322

that I'm going through right now has been the longest I think I've ever experienced where I'm just kind of empty.

323

And I think the other thing is too, is that I know the truth, which is that when in a phase like this,

324

it's very important to live life because like not to completely isolate myself and just stare at the ceiling 24 seven, right?

325

Okay.

326

Maybe like eight, five, no, maybe eight, four, eight hours a day, four days a week, maybe 24 seven, not good, right?

327

As a creative person, you have to live your life in order to find inspiration for things.

328

That's where you find inspiration for things.

329

And that's where you get ideas.

330

And I struggle with that at times.

331

And especially recently, you know, I've really had to force myself to continue to live my life

332

and not just lock myself away until I come up with the ideas I want to come up with.

333

But I know the truth, which is that I need to go out and live my life in order to come up with those ideas.

334

So it's safe to say it's a clusterfuck in my brain right now about that.

335

And listen, again, it's not even like a bad thing.

336

Like I'm not completely spiraling into oblivion about it, but it's definitely very uncomfortable to feel sort of aimless,

337

to feel like I don't know what my next move is, to feel like I'm not satisfied with anything I've ever made before

338

and again it's all a normal part of it

339

but like an ego death comes from that an ego death comes from

340

that in a way you know I'm forced to sort of really check in right now and make sure that

341

my sense of self is not just coming from my productivity

342

and my career because I don't feel like I have it all sorted right now you know

343

and I will say too it's interesting

344

because again like on the surface it might not seem like

345

that because there's a lot of things going on career -wise for me that are like years in the making,

346

things that I've been working on for years that are just coming out now, which is very exciting.

347

But at the same time, like I'm thinking about what I want to work on next.

348

And I think that's what I'm struggling with, right?

349

Having things come out now that I've been working on for years or whatever, that's awesome.

350

But unfortunately, my brain is like, okay, but you got to figure out what you're doing next and that's where I'm sort of confused.

351

And I think I know the answer to this and it's that I can't force it.

352

I can't force it.

353

I can't force it out of me.

354

I need to be more patient with myself

355

and I can't expect the answers to come to me when I'm trying to force them to come to me.

356

And that's just the particular dynamic.

357

That's just the dynamic that comes with any sort of creative job.

358

There are gonna be times where you're completely brain empty and that's where I'm at.

359

I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Venmo.

360

Okay, hear me out.

361

Apparently you can earn cash back with your Venmo debit card.

362

All you have to do is join Venmo Stash and boom, you get cash back when you shop at your favorite brands.

363

It's kind of an awesome flex.

364

With Venmo Stash, you can get up to 5 % cash back at your fave brands.

365

Just pick a bundle of your go -tos to shop with your Venmo debit card and earn cash back at them.

366

And you're free to mix things up.

367

You can easily swap out your bundle of brands every 30 days.

368

Start earning when you do more with Stash.

369

Venmo Stash terms and exclusions apply.

370

Max $100 cash back per month.

371

See terms at venmo .me slash stash terms.

372

Now back to the episode.

373

Next.

374

my social life i actually will say

375

when i think about my social life

376

i feel like my social life is actually quite good maybe

377

that's one of the only areas right now where i don't feel uncomfortable

378

i feel pretty good i have great friends i'm making new friends lately

379

that i'm like loving i'm in a really good spot socially

380

i will say the only thing that's maybe making me a little bit uncomfortable right now.

381

There is a little bit of growth going on in this category.

382

It's just not as obvious as the other categories of my life.

383

I will say one thing

384

that I struggle with is I have a really hard time with not wanting to hang out with people.

385

Let me explain.

386

Sometimes you meet people and you just get a vibe and immediately you're like, this is somebody I just click with.

387

You know, this is just, for whatever reason, on a cosmic level, somebody that I just connect with.

388

Like, energetically, it feels light.

389

It feels right.

390

It feels good.

391

And then sometimes you meet people who maybe on the surface are like, honestly, super nice, right?

392

But for whatever reason, there's just an energetic disconnect, okay?

393

And sometimes that's because maybe you're sensing something.

394

Maybe there is weird intentions going on with that person.

395

Maybe they have weird intentions with you, weird motives for wanting to be friends.

396

Maybe you're just getting a sense that their morals or values don't align with yours or like whatever.

397

Like maybe you're too different.

398

Not that you have to have the exact same morals and values, I guess, as your friends.

399

Like, you know, you can disagree on certain things.

400

I think that is totally possible depending on the things, of course, in how you feel about them.

401

But yeah, I don't think you need to agree 100 % about everything with your friends.

402

I guess morals and values are pretty heavy and maybe it is more important to be aligned on those things.

403

But I think morals and values are vast and cover almost every single topic of life.

404

And I think it's normal and okay to disagree on a few things here and there.

405

But perhaps, you know, when you get a vibe from somebody who maybe seems really wonderful on the surface, but you get a weird vibe,

406

you get an off vibe, could be you sensing that maybe there is a fundamental difference between you two that just wouldn't work.

407

Or like, I don't even know.

408

But sometimes you just get a vibe from somebody and you're like, that just doesn't feel right.

409

Even if they're so wonderful on the surface.

410

And see, I have a really hard time, especially in this very social era of my life where I'm trying to make more friends,

411

trying to be as social as possible, because it's really good for me and it makes me feel good and it makes me happy.

412

And that's kind of what life is about.

413

It's about other people.

414

It's about people.

415

I mean, it's about a lot of things, but I think one of the main things is about connecting with people.

416

Like that's one of my favorite things in the whole world.

417

You know, I can, I assume you might agree.

418

I think even introverts find that to be wonderful.

419

I have a really hard time with not trusting my instincts

420

when like I get maybe an off vibe from somebody

421

and maybe I'm like oh I don't really like hanging out with them I don't really know why

422

but I just don't I have a really hard time with

423

that and I feel a lot of guilt and shame about

424

that and I'll often make plans with people

425

that I maybe get an off vibe from

426

and then it'll actually cause me a lot of psychological distress

427

I'll dread the event I'll get anxious after I hang out with these people because they give me a weird feeling

428

perhaps like that's something I really struggle with and

429

when you're in a social phase of your life exposing yourself to a lot of different types of people

430

there are going to be instances where you have conversations with people

431

that maybe give you a slightly off vibe

432

but maybe they don't get an off vibe from you

433

and they're like let's hang out and you don't necessarily know why

434

but you're like I don't really want to I don't really want to

435

but see I feel really bad about that really bad about that.

436

And that's something that I'm trying to figure out.

437

And I know deep down that there's nothing wrong with just not vibing with somebody.

438

Like, that's totally fine.

439

If somebody doesn't vibe with me, I hope that they don't hang out with me.

440

Like, that doesn't bother me.

441

Like, if I were to put myself in other people's shoes, right?

442

And if I were to find out that, say, somebody didn't want to hang out with me,

443

yeah, I mean, it's not the best feeling in the world,

444

okay but I can handle that I don't want anyone to hang out with me unless they really want to

445

but I feel a lot of guilt and anxiety about maybe starting a friendship

446

and then realizing you know what this just doesn't feel right

447

and then backing off I feel guilty I feel like I'm judging

448

this person not like I'm not I'm saying

449

this person meaning like that's what I say to myself in my head in

450

that moment not saying that there's like one particular person that I'm talking about you yeah, I feel like I'm being overly judgmental.

451

But also too, I can get anxious about distancing myself from the person and then them in some way retaliating against me,

452

getting upset, getting angry that I didn't follow through on the friendship

453

and perhaps trying to like sabotage me or ruin my life, which is ridiculous.

454

But see, I almost knocked on wood, but I'm trying not to do that anymore because

455

that only makes my OCD worse because my OCD gets very superstitious

456

and I'm really trying to like not do that because it only just exacerbates it.

457

So I almost just knocked on wood and you know what?

458

I'm not doing it.

459

But I think I'm not going to reach my full social potential until I'm not afraid of really standing in

460

that boundary of like, if I don't wanna hang out with somebody, I'm not gonna do it.

461

And it's no hard feelings and the vibe can be totally cool

462

and cordial and wonderful if we bump into each other at a party or something, but like, I don't need to be your bestie.

463

I don't need to be everyone's bestie.

464

I can't be everyone's bestie and vice versa.

465

Not everyone needs to be my bestie.

466

I don't need everyone to like me, you know?

467

And I've accepted the reverse role, but I think I'm afraid of hurting people's feelings and then them like getting angry and trying to sabotage me.

468

Or like if I maybe told them a vulnerable story, them like going and telling everyone, which is a risk.

469

And again, that's another thing I need to work on.

470

It's like, okay, well, I'm such a vulnerable person.

471

Maybe I need to be more mindful about how much I divulge about myself

472

and my feelings and my brain early on into a friendship or relationship because that only makes this anxiety worse.

473

So I guess I thought that I didn't have social growth growing on, but I definitely do now that we've discussed it.

474

Moving on to morals and values and goals.

475

I actually will say, you know what, maybe this is the category of my life where I feel the most solid.

476

In fact, I actually feel like I've never been more solid in this area in my life.

477

But I think what's uncomfortable about that is not that I'm like confused about what my morals and values are,

478

what my goals are, what I maybe think my purpose is or whatever.

479

I'm not uncomfortable in this area because it's unclear, but rather because it's so clear right now,

480

because it's clearer than it's ever been.

481

I'm looking back at my life and kind of picking it apart, right?

482

Remembering so vividly times where I've not aligned with my ultimate morals, values, goals, purpose, self, you know what I mean?

483

And it's more clear to me than ever the times in my life

484

that I've maybe fucked up or I've done things that don't feel true to me or feel like a,

485

what's the word?

486

Not a divergence.

487

Would it be divergence?

488

Whatever.

489

It's just I'm kind of being haunted by everything I've ever done

490

because it's so clear to me right now where I stand on these things.

491

And I think that is something I'm working through.

492

Because by the way, again, it's like, Emma, chill.

493

It's so normal.

494

we've all done shit that we now cringe at

495

that we now are ashamed of that we now wish we didn't do like

496

that is that is so normal it's crazy like everybody on this fucking planet has experienced

497

that feeling i bet there's billions of people experiencing

498

that right now it's more common probably to experience

499

that feeling than to not at any given moment like i

500

feel like there's probably a 75 % chance at any given moment

501

that somebody's kind of cringing at their past or regretting their past or not even regretting,

502

but feeling ashamed of something they did in their past or whatever.

503

And that's who, that's what makes us who we are today.

504

I know all of this is true, but I think there's a recalibration happening for me in a way where it's like,

505

okay, whoa, I'm feeling really solid in who I want to be, who I am, you know, what, what matters to me,

506

what's important to me, how I want to carry myself in this world, blah, blah, blah, blah this is all so clear to me right now.

507

So, so fucking crystal clear that then it's like, I'm just feeling a bit haunted by who I've been prior,

508

which again, this kind of goes hand in hand with the career crisis, if you will, where it's like,

509

I need to remember just because I'm cringing at it now doesn't mean

510

that what I did was even that bad or cringe or embarrassing or whatever.

511

It's more just that I've grown.

512

It's a sign that I've grown, which I think is actually a beautiful thing.

513

Being uncomfortable with what you've done before, what you've made, what you've whatever, not feeling satisfied with it is a sign that you're growing.

514

And that's wonderful, but it's also uncomfortable.

515

And I think it can be anxiety inducing as well.

516

And so that's something I'm dealing with is that anxiety.

517

How do I accept that I haven't always been at the place that I'm at now.

518

How do I accept that I was once not fully aligned with who I am now?

519

You know, I think in the career category, it's even more complicated because it's like, I'm not stoked on what I've done in the past.

520

I'm not feeling proud of it.

521

And that's not to shit on it.

522

It's just, again, it's like a personal discomfort, right?

523

I don't want to continue making things like I've made in the past.

524

Not saying that things are going to change in a way that is drastically different even necessarily necessarily, but I don't even know.

525

I don't even know.

526

I don't even know what it is.

527

I don't even know what's next.

528

I don't even know.

529

So that's even more challenging because it's like, I don't even have anything to grasp onto in the current moment where I'm like,

530

well, but at least I know what I'm doing next.

531

And at least I feel really confident and inspired by that.

532

I don't feel that way.

533

Yeah, I don't.

534

Whereas at least with like the morals and values and purpose and goals category, I'm pretty aligned there.

535

So it's like, I'm more cringing at my past because of how clear I am there.

536

Whereas with the career, it's like I'm cringing at the past and I don't even know what the future is.

537

God, when I know what the future is, I'll probably cringe even more at my past.

538

Maybe not though.

539

Maybe not though.

540

Maybe I'll be so distracted by what I'm doing in the present moment

541

that it'll sort of erase all shame and embarrassment about what I've made in the past.

542

And then the last category is love.

543

In terms of like romance, I would say.

544

And I did sort of just talk about this actually, so I won't get into it into too much detail.

545

I think the last episode I made was about detachment, particularly in love and romance the concept of detachment being, you know,

546

being detached enough from a romantic interest in order to maintain a level of independence

547

and in order to sort of protect yourself in a way, which is something that that's a skill that I think I've newly sharpened,

548

you know, not having expectations in my dating life.

549

Right.

550

And that's been really good.

551

I will say in love, romance, dating, etc. I would say the area that I'm being forced to grow in,

552

interestingly enough, is not what you would expect.

553

Like, love and romance and dating is it's all so complicated, right?

554

But funny enough, I got one of the most challenging parts of it sort of under control right now.

555

And that is keeping a healthy level of detachment, right?

556

Like detaching just enough to protect myself, right?

557

And that's something I struggled with as a young person.

558

And I have really sorted that out.

559

You would think that that would be something I'd be struggling with more.

560

What I'm struggling with is being single for the first time and being sober.

561

Okay?

562

I've been sober for like a year and a half, maybe a little over a year and a half.

563

I don't drink alcohol anymore.

564

I don't smoke weed.

565

I don't do mushrooms.

566

I'm a sober girl.

567

The only thing I got going on in my system is caffeine, which we love.

568

And that is awesome.

569

And I will continue to be consuming that.

570

And also a little bit of nicotine here and there.

571

Yep.

572

Have not been able to fully quit that one.

573

That is going to be a lifelong journey for me, it seems.

574

And I'm smiling only because I'm just disappointed in myself.

575

But I also, you know what?

576

Yeah, those are my substances.

577

That's all that's running through these veins, okay?

578

I am sober.

579

When I go out, I'm sober.

580

When I'm on a date, I'm sober.

581

When I'm, you know, talking to a boy, I'm sober.

582

If I kiss a boy, I'm sober.

583

Do you see what I'm saying?

584

Like, I have nothing to hide behind anymore.

585

And you know, what's really interesting is that I realized during this single era of mine,

586

that so many of my interactions with guys that I've been interested in.

587

In the beginning, it's been through the lens of alcohol.

588

We're at a party.

589

We're drunk.

590

We're talking.

591

It's like we're vibing because we're drunk.

592

We're loose, whatever.

593

We're relaxed.

594

First kiss, drunk.

595

Do you get what I'm saying?

596

And now it's like, whoa, I have to date sober.

597

Sober.

598

And let me tell you, it has been really, really, really scary.

599

Like if I see a cute guy, it's really tough for me.

600

Do you know what I mean?

601

Like I'm not going up and talking to them.

602

Like they need to talk to me.

603

Like I need somebody to like, I'm really struggling with that.

604

And I will say, I think I'm getting through it.

605

I'm slowly but surely building my confidence, facing my fears.

606

Like it's happening, but I will say that it's been really uncomfortable.

607

I think we take for granted how easy, like how, I don't think we realize how alcohol impacts how we date,

608

how much easier it makes it to just have a conversation with somebody you find attractive, you know, like.

609

the walls that it breaks down immediately.

610

You know what I mean?

611

You're just immediately, everybody's sort of disarmed, everybody's relaxed.

612

It is so scary to do it sober.

613

And I've been having to do all of this sober and it is so uncomfortable.

614

It has been so uncomfortable, but I'm really glad that I'm doing it because I think,

615

you know, I'm actually learning how to date on my own, you know, no, no help.

616

And it's definitely, I think,

617

going to eventually build my confidence to the point where I'm going to be the like most suave motherfucker on the planet.

618

But I think that's been a really uncomfortable thing for me, sort of just feeling like a turtle.

619

Like I feel like I'm a turtle.

620

And every time somebody I think is cute comes around, it's like the head goes in.

621

And again, I will say I'm not going to divulge too much detail, but I do think I've improved.

622

I've faced some pretty big fears and I'm feeling very good about it, but it doesn't mean that there hasn't been some embarrassing moments,

623

you know, where it's like, I'm clearly like nervous and I'm being awkward.

624

And maybe it's not even necessarily noticeable to them, but it's noticeable to me.

625

But I'd have to get through.

626

I have to push through it because it is one of my goals to find a partner in my life.

627

I want, I want to love God damn it.

628

You know, I do.

629

So it's like, I got to push through it and it's, it's uncomfortable, but it's growth.

630

But that's something to think about is how much alcohol impacts dating.

631

It's a really interesting rabbit hole to go down in your brain if you're somebody who drinks alcohol and dates a lot.

632

I think sober dating should become a vibe because you know what I'm realizing?

633

Actually, you know what?

634

I want to make a whole episode about that.

635

I'm going to stop along my head because I have a lot of thoughts about sober dating.

636

So we'll get into that another day. But

637

it's safe to say I'm going through somewhat of a growth spurt in my life

638

and it's making me a bit bit uncomfortable.

639

But I feel really good about it.

640

Even though it is uncomfortable, even though it is kind of painful, I think it's a normal, healthy part of life.

641

And for whatever reason, it happens to kind of all be happening all at once.

642

It seems like a lot of growth is happening all at once.

643

But that just means that something beautiful is coming.

644

And I share this story and I share where I'm at with you all to hopefully,

645

you know, if you're feeling like this or you've felt like this before, or perhaps you're anticipating that you'll feel this way in the future.

646

I don't know.

647

I think there's something comforting about knowing that this is a very normal feeling, uncertainty, instability, kind of feeling like something's on the precipice.

648

Like, all of this is so normal, and we all feel it sometimes.

649

And so, I don't know.

650

That's why I shared it with you.

651

But I don't really have any key takeaways for you.

652

So you can take away whatever you want.

653

But I hope that you enjoyed this episode.

654

And if you did, new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday, we can hang out if you want to join me.

655

Anything Goes is anywhere you stream podcasts.

656

I'm on the internet at Emma Chamberlain and my coffee company is Chamberlain Coffee.

657

I love you all.

658

I appreciate you all.

659

Thank you all for hanging out with me.

660

I love you.

661

And I'll talk to you next week.

662

Goodbye. That was Sabrina Carpenter.

663

Such a good song.

664

Oh, such a good song.

665

Goodbye.

666

Okay, I can't sing too much or else I get copyrighted.

667

Okay, love you.

668

Bye.

Uygulamayı İndir

Akıcı konuşmak için ihtiyacınız olan her şey

AI TelaffuzHer cümleyi puanla

IPA AlıştırmasıHer sesi ustalaştır

Kelime BilgisiKelime bankanızı oluşturun

Kelime OyunuOynarken öğrenin

QR Tara

Download on theApp Store Get it onGoogle Play

Aynı Kanal

FOR YOU

Video Öner

561 cümleler

GRWM & LET’S CHAT !! | Makeup routine, skincare, hair care, life updates, relationships, traveling

TeensDaily Conversation

169 cümleler

Why do I get angry easily? |🎙️ 8 Minute English | Beginner

TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students

349 cümleler

Dilemma With Emma | FULL VIDEO

TeensDaily ConversationUniversity Students

378 cümleler

Everything I’ve been loving lately (mid-2026 favorites)

TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students

96 cümleler

What I Ate In A Week (Healthy + Realistic)

TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students

176 cümleler

i am cringe

TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students

226 cümleler

i haven't felt like myself lately...

TeensDaily ConversationUniversity Students

104 cümleler

CORTIS on Being Roommates, their Biggest Fears & Group Rules | Group Therapy | Cosmopolitan

TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students

233 cümleler

Being Not Straight

TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students

Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları

Bu konuşma dersi “growing is so uncomfortable lol” videosuna dayanıyor. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 668 cümle ve 7733 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 42:56 sürüyor. Konuşmacı hızlı konuşuyor, dakikada yaklaşık 180 kelime; bu yüzden birbirine bağlanan ve zayıflayan sesler duyacaksınız. Kelimelerin %82’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında; geri kalanına başlamadan önce bakmakta fayda var.

Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler

Videodan öğrenmeye değer 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:

Kelime	Telaffuz	Anlam
uncomfortable sıfat	/ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/	rahatsız
sober sıfat	/ˈsoʊ.bɚ/	ayık
vibe isim	/vaɪb/	ortam
anxiety isim	/æŋˈzaɪ.əti/	kaygı, endişe
moral sıfat	/ˈmoɹəl/	ahlakî, ahlaki
ruin isim	/ˈɹuː.ɪn/	kalıntı, harabe
anxious sıfat	/ˈæŋkʃəs/	endişeli, kaygılı
spiral isim	/ˈspaɪɹəl/	spiral
romance isim	/roʊˈmæn(t)s/	romans
blessing isim	/ˈblɛs.ɪŋ/	bereket
stash isim	/stæʃ/	gizli depo
tomato isim	/təˈmeɪ.toʊ/	domates, pamidor
align fiil	/əˈlaɪn/	hizalanmak, hizaya geçmek
earn fiil	/ɝn/	hak etmek
ridiculous sıfat	/ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/	saçma, komik

Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller

Kelime	Telaffuz	Anlam
figure out fiil		açığa çıkarmak
come out fiil	/ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/	çıkmak
go out fiil		çıkmak
find out fiil		anlamak, ortaya çıkarmak
get over fiil		üstesinden gelmek, yenmek
slow down fiil		yavaşlamak

Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler

Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:

Does this mean I can't eat ketchup anymore?
You know what I'm saying?
What if something bad happens while you're gone?
Do you see what I'm saying?
Do you get what I'm saying?

Bu videodaki dil bilgisi

Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:

Yapı	Videoda
Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — önceden başlayıp hâlâ süren bir eylem	I've even been thinking · I've been managing · I've been trying
Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem	I've eaten · I've developed · It's been
Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli	is presented · I've been blessed · be cursed
İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi	yeast, which is · now, which is · truth, which is

Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar

Konuşmacı I'm, don't, I've gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 382 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.

“sh” ve “zh” sesleri: anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, stash /stæʃ/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, inspiration /ˌɪn.spɪˈɹeɪ.ʃən/, intentions /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/
Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, ridiculous /ɹɪˈdɪk.jə.ləs/, complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/

Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:

/w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: whoa /woʊ/, whereas /(h)wɛɹˈæz/, reward /ɹɪˈwɔɹd/, awkward /ˈɔk.wɚd/, weed /wiːd/
Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: spiral /ˈspaɪɹəl/, blessing /ˈblɛs.ɪŋ/, stash /stæʃ/, stoke /stəʊk/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/
/æ/ — “e”den daha açık: anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, romance /roʊˈmæn(t)s/, stash /stæʃ/, cancel /ˈkæn.sl̩/

Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır

Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; uncomfortable, sober, vibe gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.

Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?

Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.

Shadowing tekniği: adım adım eksiksiz rehberi okuyun →

Shadowing Practice: growing is so uncomfortable lol - Learn English Speaking with Video

Bir pratik modu seçin

Uygulamayı İndir

Aynı Kanal

its time to have a conversation with them

relationships change us

lower your expectations about people

its not about not caring

friendship breakups and boundaries, advice session

finding comfort in yourself, advice session

never say never

existential crisis, advice session

my quiet morning routine and other things i like rn

social life, success, and sleep

a talk with kendall jenner

bittersweet

underestimated relationship red flags

are you living for you?

i feel like my life is boring and it scares me

Video Öner

GRWM & LET’S CHAT !! | Makeup routine, skincare, hair care, life updates, relationships, traveling

Having a "Weird" Phase...

Why do I get angry easily? |🎙️ 8 Minute English | Beginner

Dilemma With Emma | FULL VIDEO

Everything I’ve been loving lately (mid-2026 favorites)

What I Ate In A Week (Healthy + Realistic)

i am cringe

i haven't felt like myself lately...

Rare Insults🥀 #2

CORTIS on Being Roommates, their Biggest Fears & Group Rules | Group Therapy | Cosmopolitan

Being Not Straight

Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları

Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler

Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller

Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler

Bu videodaki dil bilgisi

Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar

Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır

Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?