Shadowing Practice: How to build self-worth and stop seeking external validation (with 4 practices) - Learn English Speaking with Video

Hi everyone, my name is Dia

and in today's video I want to talk about how we can come to understand what exactly self-worth means

and how to increase our sense or strengthen our sense of self-worth.

I've broken down the video into three main parts today so we can have an organized structure.

The first part I want to talk about is understanding what is self-worth and how that differentiates from self-esteem.

The second part I want to talk about is why it is incredibly important to have a good strong sense of self-worth.

And the third part, which is probably the most important, I am going to provide you with four steps on how to continue to increase, strengthen, and build your own sense of self-worth.

Self-worth is a lot more associated with what's going on on the inside

and less affected or more resilient against outside forces or circumstances.

It is a lot more about who you are versus what you do or how you perform.

Maybe you're feeling a little bit resistant right now, does a high self-worth equate to someone being arrogant or full of themselves?

And I think maybe, possibly, but that's not black and white.

It's more superlative.

And do I think

that these people who do have a higher sense of self are more confident

and possibly get what they desire a bit more?

I think the answer is probably yes as well.

What's really important here is that you remember, yes, there is a objective reality that we all live in,

but how you perceive that reality, how you perceive yourself in relation to your external environments to other people plays

almost more crucial role in how you will do or feel

or experience life so this attunement to sense of who you are

and having a good strong sense of self-worth is incredibly important

it's going to dictate how you stand in your boundaries it's

going to dictate what you think you deserve what you will

go for what you can imagine is possible for yourself and in life i I don't just mean materialistic things.

It could be what's possible in terms of experiences you wanna have, relationships you wanna have.

I like to think of our sense of self as a house, a house that we continuously build and live inside of.

And the windows that we open is how we perceive the world

and the doors that we open are how we get to interact and experience with the reality.

It's a house that you should feel safe and secure in

and is able to weather any type of storm that may occur that you cannot predict.

And just like the weather, life is going to be unpredictable.

No matter how much you try to plan or control, things are going to come up, things are going to change, meaning we have to change with it.

So it is a lot more important to focus on building

or having that foundation or that home that is equipped to continue to be remodeled, to renew, or to support you when a storm hits.

Secondly, and this is an important concept, one that I've actually personally struggled with in the past.

Maybe you never got the loving nurture that you deserved as a kid.

And I don't mean spoon-fed, coddling, mom and dad did everything for you.

What I mean is that the most basic foundational sense of safety and security.

Babies and toddlers and kids need to establish a firm sense of I'm safe at home

and I can also explore the world out there courageously.

If you're watching this as a cognizant adult, then sorry to say that train has passed.

That's just the reality of it.

No one's going to come and fix you.

No job, no relationship, mentor, therapist is going to magically change your life, it's in our hands now.

And there are plenty of resources that's going to lead you to the water, but you are the one that has to drink it.

And the sooner we can accept this truth, the sooner we can begin to feel empowered to actually implement the changes we really want to see.

And this also helps tremendously to offset that mentality of I'm a victim.

We have to first come to terms with the past that we cannot change the family we were born into.

We can't change what happened or didn't happen, but we can definitely change what happens from this moment onward.

So how do we strengthen or increase our sense of self-worth?

I think that's the $1 billion question, and I'm going to break it down into four parts.

And please remember that all of us are uniquely different individuals with different history and experience, but we're all human, so there's definitely underlying foundations that can speak to all of us.

Number one is self-acceptance and compassion.

I'm not going to dive into the details.

This requires a whole length of your conversation.

Accept the good, the bad, the ugly.

This is impossible to do all at once, but take notice when something does come up and trigger you

or when someone tells you something about yourself and you feel some type of resistance, whether it's good or bad.

I'll give you an example.

Something that I had to accept about myself recently is that I can be arrogant.

Now watch this.

If I haven't accepted this part of myself and someone tells me, hey, you're kind of arrogant, I would get incredibly defensive, Maybe in my body I'd feel a little bit tight.

Maybe I want to shut down.

I want to fight them.

Or maybe I get really self-conscious and feel ashamed.

So you can go gentle and ask, are there any ways I can sometimes be arrogant, even just a little bit?

And so I take a deep breath and I think, honestly, yes, yes, I can be.

Despite my best intentions, I can definitely be arrogant at times.

So now I allow this acceptance to settle in my mind mind and in my body.

I don't judge it at all.

I just let it exist.

So next time when I'm a little overly confident in a situation and someone says, hey, you're being a bit arrogant,

I'll notice that because I've accepted this part of myself with compassion and no judgment, it doesn't carry any more charge.

So I can feel and say, you know what?

Yeah, I can be that sometimes.

And there won't be any type of defensive feelings or anger or shame.

And again, you don't need to sit there and come up with an inventory of things that you embody, whether it's good or bad, all at the same time, but it will take some time.

And sometimes you won't even know what it is until another person is able to mirror it in you.

So you realize this is something that you reject.

For the compassionate piece, I don't think of it as a lovey-dovey, oh, I love you, I accept everything about you, the good and the bad.

I don't think that's practical or realistic.

it's not going to be easy to digest or truly be believed by your own unconscious mind.

So I recommend taking baby steps.

Compassion can simply be neutrality.

Don't let your mind make up stories.

Just let whatever it is there to be there.

And as a lot of these philosophical or spiritual teachings will say to witness.

And remember all of us are human beings.

All of us are trying to do our best with a current awareness, desire, and knowledge that we possess in this moment.

So any positive or negatively judged trait or characteristic doesn't define your self-worth.

It just makes you human.

Number one on that list is gonna be self-trust.

What does that mean?

To me, self-trust means that I trust myself to choose things that benefit me to the best of my abilities.

And that is also good for those around me.

Now, to people pleasers, this might seem like it's a contradictory statement.

What if other people want me to go out and I don't wanna go out?

Well, stick around for the fourth point because we're going to talk about that.

100

Self-trust means I care and love myself enough to say no to things that doesn't feel good, things that might harm me in any small or large way,

101

and continue to build good habits and create a lifestyle that is actually sustainable and good for me long term.

102

And the key here is not perfection.

103

It is acknowledging that being human isn't black and white.

104

It's not an all or nothing.

105

While make the wrong choices sometimes, it's also about levity

106

and forgoing one night of deep rest to enjoy a party with your friends.

107

So think of it more of a balance.

108

If we're too rigid in our attempt to live in the perfect life, it can also tip over into being more controlling or feeling ashamed about not being perfect.

109

So what can you do?

110

Start with things that actually feels nice to do for yourself.

111

Maybe it's waking up a little earlier in the morning before work

112

so you just have some extra time to do whatever it is that feels good to you.

113

And then create a relatively consistent habit out of doing that.

114

And maybe it's finally sitting down and doing research on what supplements

115

or skin products that would benefit you and then sticking to that routine at night, just like you would brushing your teeth.

116

It can be about breaking lofty big life goals that you want for the long run, breaking them into smaller chunks so they're achievable.

117

For example, I heard today on an Instagram post someone was saying

118

that their friend basically set a goal for himself to go to the gym every day for five minutes.

119

And even though that sounds ridiculous, he was able to accomplish this goal consistently and thus starting to build a habit.

120

So anytime you have a goal that feels too scary or not the perfect timing or not the perfect place, break them down into a lot more smaller chunks and then

121

that way you can start to establish that habit before it becomes a part of who you are.

122

So whatever those things might be for you, whether they're small or big steps, it basically reassures your own inner child and your unconscious mind that you are here for you,

123

that you're going to stand by your own promises to yourself

124

and honor what feels good and what's giving you energy

125

because you are worthy of someone looking after you

126

and caring for you the way that you would care for somebody else that you love.

127

Number two, get uncomfortable.

128

If you're in survival mode, I don't expect you to have the energy or resources to do this.

129

So remember the first part of this is compassion.

130

But if you're ready or you're in thriving mode, it's time to step us out of your comfort zone.

131

The only way for you to continue strengthening your self-worth is by doing things that you thought you couldn't.

132

Now there's a difference between accomplishment for external recognition versus experiences that actually truly enrich your own life.

133

And this does kind of tie into self-esteem, but I don't think it's possible to continue growing our sense of self

134

and self-worth without engaging with life that is outside of the safety of our home, so to speak, or the safety of our comfort zone.

135

For example, I didn't believe I could be my own boss until I was.

136

And I truly didn't think anyone was proud of me at the time.

137

I don't even think I was proud of myself.

138

It just felt like there were hills and hills to climb and achieve.

139

But there is a subtle yet incredibly shift that happened in myself.

140

I knew all that it took to learn new skills in order to create videos, build a website, start a podcast.

141

And I began to trust in myself that whenever I felt scared to do something new, I had the courage and the ability to do it anyway.

142

Getting uncomfortable and making us through

143

that uncomfortable feeling is how we can start to build more self-trust To know

144

that we have our own back in all these different ways We as social creatures need to know

145

or learn how to adapt and how to grow

146

and how to try And I don't know what your uncomfortable thing is

147

that you deeply desire to do But remember just to take baby steps

148

So I have a bit of social anxiety even though I deeply desire connection like most of us do

149

and the way through it is going to things that makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable

150

because there's strangers there and what are they going to think about me

151

and then I actually go to those events and realize it's actually kind of nice

152

and I'm still not the best at this but I'm definitely making progress.

153

So this is the perfect transition to the next point

154

which is point four and this is the idea of separation of tasks.

155

So I just finished reading this book, The Courage to be Disliked.

156

It's one of those books that was profound enough to actually have inspired this whole episode, to be honest.

157

Separation of tasks simply means that there are tasks that belong to you,

158

and then there are the rest that has absolutely nothing to do with you and it's not your problem.

159

They're not within your control and it creates a lot of pain trying to maintain or do other people's tasks.

160

And this ties to the behavior of seeking external validation in order to feel that sense of worthiness.

161

I'm very familiar with this.

162

Growing up, I was really only praised for things that I did, never really for who I am.

163

This led me to being really good at being the helper

164

and feeling like others will only appreciate me or find me valuable if I am doing something for them.

165

And it creates this very shaky or weaker sense of self-worth

166

because a lot of times people will always appreciate what you do for them

167

or notice it or they may not even want you to help them.

168

The important point is this and it ties into setting boundaries.

169

A lot of times we smear our own boundaries in order to feel that acceptance or that love.

170

Maybe you're burnt out and you just want to take Sunday off.

171

You're either afraid to disappoint your friend who's asking you to help them move.

172

So you're exhausted and you're feeling resentful and you think that now they owe you a favor.

173

Or you first try to say no but upon their insistence you start to feel guilty or unconsciously think, I'm not a good friend if I don't go help.

174

So you say yes and maybe you begin to feel

175

that your friends are only your friends because you do those things or you do those favors for them.

176

It's impossible to believe or trust that someone loves you

177

or accepts you for who you are

178

if you're not being honest about who you are and what you want and more importantly what you don't want.

179

So again avoid black and white thinking.

180

Please know that I'm not saying to always 100% prioritize yourself.

181

That's not possible.

182

There's going to be moments when you show up for someone even though you're a little bit tired, even though you're burnt out.

183

But it is the proportion of how you show up and how firmly you honor your own needs and your boundaries.

184

If you're constantly worried about how other people are perceiving you or what you're doing, you're doing other people's tasks for them.

185

Imagine you're an artist and you love the art that you make.

186

You put it online and out of a hundred people that follow you, 20 of them adores your art and they buy it.

187

70 of them felt indifferent or didn't connect to it and 10 of them are just straight-up haters.

188

Is it possible for you to have everyone like what you do or who you are, but if If you love what you made and you firmly stand by it and enjoyed it,

189

why try to control how it's being perceived?

190

Because you simply cannot.

191

You'll be pulled in literally a hundred different directions trying to please everybody.

192

Trust that the people who genuinely matter and love you will love you through your imperfections.

193

Know that you cannot control if someone is upset at you or mad at you, that is their task.

194

Your task is to know what your integrity means, know your limits, know what is a no and what's a yes,

195

and allow everyone else to do their tasks.

196

How you're perceived is not your task.

197

All we can do is operate from the latest updated version of ourselves.

198

Not perfectly because we're human, but we do our best and we take responsibility and accountability for our words and actions and our behaviors.

199

But how it is received is not something that you have any say in, no matter how much you push or you bend.

200

As you can probably tell, I am an avid reader.

201

And if you're curious, you can check out my video, Five Books That Would Change Your Life.

202

You can also follow my podcast, Path Back to You, join the Modern Pen Pal newsletter, or you can follow me on any of the social media platforms.

203

I'll have everything listed down below.

204

Until next time.

205

Thank you.

📺 Aynı Kanal

How to ACTUALLY heal your nervous system, NOT just "hacks"

Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults

✨ Video Öner

342 cümleler

Build Your Self Worth for Good | English Podcast for Everyday Life Use | English Speaking Practice

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

473 cümleler

Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları

Bu B2 seviyesindeki konuşma dersi “How to build self-worth and stop seeking external validation” videosuna dayanıyor. En çok tekrarlanan kelimeler: self, sense, worth. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 205 cümle ve 3003 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 15:14 sürüyor. Konuşmacı hızlı konuşuyor, dakikada yaklaşık 197 kelime; bu yüzden birbirine bağlanan ve zayıflayan sesler duyacaksınız. Kelimelerin %87’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında, bu yüzden kelime dağarcığını takip etmek kolay.

Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler

Videodaki en ileri düzey 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:

Kelime	Telaffuz	Anlam
perceive fiil	/pɚˈsiv/	algılamak
arrogant sıfat	/ˈæɹəɡənt/	kibirli, tekebbürlü
uncomfortable sıfat	/ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/	rahatsız
compassion isim	/kəmˈpæʃ.ən/	şefkat
strengthen fiil	/ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/	güçlendirmek, kuvvetlendirmek
acceptance isim	/əkˈsɛp.təns/	kabul
dictate fiil	/ˈdɪkˌteɪt/	dikte etmek
chunk isim	/t͡ʃʌŋk/	parça
unconscious sıfat	/ˌʌnˈkɑnʃəs/	bilinçsiz
podcast isim	/ˈpɑdˌkæst/	podcast
cognizant sıfat	/ˈkɒɡnɪzənt/	haberdar, bilen
helper isim	/ˈhɛlpɚ/	yardımcı
imperfection isim	/ɪmpɚˈfɛkʃən/	kusursuzluk, mükemmellik
indifferent sıfat	/ɪnˈdɪf.ɹənt/	vasat
prioritize fiil	/pɹaɪˈɒɹ.ə.taɪz/	önceliklendirmek

Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller

Kelime	Telaffuz	Anlam
go out fiil		çıkmak
check out fiil		gözden geçirmek
grow up fiil		büyümek, yetişmek
show up fiil		ortaya çıkmak
sit down fiil		oturmak
wake up fiil	/ˌweɪk ˈʌp/	uyanmak

Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler

Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:

No one's going to come and fix you.
I'm not going to dive into the details.
I'll give you an example.
I don't judge it at all.
I don't think that's practical or realistic.

Bu videodaki dil bilgisi

Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:

Yapı	Videoda
Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli	is equipped · were born · be believed
Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem	I've broken · has passed · haven't accepted
İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi	part, which is · people who do · people who genuinely

Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar

Konuşmacı you're, don't, I'm gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 77 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.

“th” sesleri: strengthen /ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/, worthiness /ˈwɜː(ɹ)ðɪnəs/, thrive /θɹajv/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/
“sh” ve “zh” sesleri: compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, unconscious /ˌʌnˈkɑnʃəs/, ashamed /əˈʃeɪmd/, separation /ˌsɛp.əˈɹeɪ.ʃən/, foundational /faʊnˈdeɪ.ʃə.nəl/
Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, separation /ˌsɛp.əˈɹeɪ.ʃən/, achievable /əˈt͡ʃivəbəl/, contradictory /ˌkɑntɹəˈdɪktəɹi/, foundational /faʊnˈdeɪ.ʃə.nəl/

Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:

/w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: equate /ɪˈkweɪt/, onward /ˈɒnwəd/, worthiness /ˈwɜː(ɹ)ðɪnəs/, equip /ɪˈkwɪp/, weaker /ˈwikɚ/
Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: strengthen /ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/, prioritize /pɹaɪˈɒɹ.ə.taɪz/, trait /tɹeɪt/, thrive /θɹajv/, newsletter /ˈn(j)uzˌlɛtɚ/
/æ/ — “e”den daha açık: arrogant /ˈæɹəɡənt/, compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, podcast /ˈpɑdˌkæst/, magically /ˈmæd͡ʒ.ɪ.kli/, avid /ˈæv.ɪd/

Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır

Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; perceive, arrogant, uncomfortable gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.

Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?

Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.

Shadowing tekniği: adım adım eksiksiz rehberi okuyun →

Shadowing Practice: How to build self-worth and stop seeking external validation (with 4 practices) - Learn English Speaking with Video

How to ACTUALLY heal your nervous system, NOT just "hacks"

Build Your Self Worth for Good | English Podcast for Everyday Life Use | English Speaking Practice

Video

How to build natural confidence

Unlock the Secret Power of Generosity

How to Believe in Yourself

How to Know What You Really Want...And Why That's So Important

mastering self concept: you don't get what you want. you get who you are.

Asking 20 and 30 Year Olds About Their Biggest Regrets in Life

Mark Manson: Self-control is a complete illusion

7 Skills That Will Be Worth Twice As Much By 2030

Are you making yourself miserable?

How to start over - resetting your life and routine from scratch