쉐도잉 연습: How to build self-worth and stop seeking external validation (with 4 practices) - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기
레슨 만드는 중...
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Hi everyone, my name is Dia
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and in today's video I want to talk about how we can come to understand what exactly self-worth means
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and how to increase our sense or strengthen our sense of self-worth.
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I've broken down the video into three main parts today so we can have an organized structure.
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The first part I want to talk about is understanding what is self-worth and how that differentiates from self-esteem.
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The second part I want to talk about is why it is incredibly important to have a good strong sense of self-worth.
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And the third part, which is probably the most important, I am going to provide you with four steps on how to continue to increase, strengthen, and build your own sense of self-worth.
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Self-worth is a lot more associated with what's going on on the inside
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and less affected or more resilient against outside forces or circumstances.
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It is a lot more about who you are versus what you do or how you perform.
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Maybe you're feeling a little bit resistant right now, does a high self-worth equate to someone being arrogant or full of themselves?
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And I think maybe, possibly, but that's not black and white.
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It's more superlative.
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And do I think
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that these people who do have a higher sense of self are more confident
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and possibly get what they desire a bit more?
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I think the answer is probably yes as well.
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What's really important here is that you remember, yes, there is a objective reality that we all live in,
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but how you perceive that reality, how you perceive yourself in relation to your external environments to other people plays
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almost more crucial role in how you will do or feel
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or experience life so this attunement to sense of who you are
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and having a good strong sense of self-worth is incredibly important
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it's going to dictate how you stand in your boundaries it's
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going to dictate what you think you deserve what you will
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go for what you can imagine is possible for yourself and in life i I don't just mean materialistic things.
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It could be what's possible in terms of experiences you wanna have, relationships you wanna have.
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I like to think of our sense of self as a house, a house that we continuously build and live inside of.
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And the windows that we open is how we perceive the world
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and the doors that we open are how we get to interact and experience with the reality.
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It's a house that you should feel safe and secure in
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and is able to weather any type of storm that may occur that you cannot predict.
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And just like the weather, life is going to be unpredictable.
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No matter how much you try to plan or control, things are going to come up, things are going to change, meaning we have to change with it.
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So it is a lot more important to focus on building
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or having that foundation or that home that is equipped to continue to be remodeled, to renew, or to support you when a storm hits.
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Secondly, and this is an important concept, one that I've actually personally struggled with in the past.
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Maybe you never got the loving nurture that you deserved as a kid.
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And I don't mean spoon-fed, coddling, mom and dad did everything for you.
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What I mean is that the most basic foundational sense of safety and security.
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Babies and toddlers and kids need to establish a firm sense of I'm safe at home
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and I can also explore the world out there courageously.
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If you're watching this as a cognizant adult, then sorry to say that train has passed.
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That's just the reality of it.
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No one's going to come and fix you.
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No job, no relationship, mentor, therapist is going to magically change your life, it's in our hands now.
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And there are plenty of resources that's going to lead you to the water, but you are the one that has to drink it.
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And the sooner we can accept this truth, the sooner we can begin to feel empowered to actually implement the changes we really want to see.
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And this also helps tremendously to offset that mentality of I'm a victim.
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We have to first come to terms with the past that we cannot change the family we were born into.
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We can't change what happened or didn't happen, but we can definitely change what happens from this moment onward.
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So how do we strengthen or increase our sense of self-worth?
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I think that's the $1 billion question, and I'm going to break it down into four parts.
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And please remember that all of us are uniquely different individuals with different history and experience, but we're all human, so there's definitely underlying foundations that can speak to all of us.
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Number one is self-acceptance and compassion.
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I'm not going to dive into the details.
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This requires a whole length of your conversation.
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Accept the good, the bad, the ugly.
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This is impossible to do all at once, but take notice when something does come up and trigger you
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or when someone tells you something about yourself and you feel some type of resistance, whether it's good or bad.
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I'll give you an example.
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Something that I had to accept about myself recently is that I can be arrogant.
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Now watch this.
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If I haven't accepted this part of myself and someone tells me, hey, you're kind of arrogant, I would get incredibly defensive, Maybe in my body I'd feel a little bit tight.
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Maybe I want to shut down.
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I want to fight them.
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Or maybe I get really self-conscious and feel ashamed.
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So you can go gentle and ask, are there any ways I can sometimes be arrogant, even just a little bit?
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And so I take a deep breath and I think, honestly, yes, yes, I can be.
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Despite my best intentions, I can definitely be arrogant at times.
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So now I allow this acceptance to settle in my mind mind and in my body.
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I don't judge it at all.
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I just let it exist.
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So next time when I'm a little overly confident in a situation and someone says, hey, you're being a bit arrogant,
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I'll notice that because I've accepted this part of myself with compassion and no judgment, it doesn't carry any more charge.
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So I can feel and say, you know what?
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Yeah, I can be that sometimes.
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And there won't be any type of defensive feelings or anger or shame.
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And again, you don't need to sit there and come up with an inventory of things that you embody, whether it's good or bad, all at the same time, but it will take some time.
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And sometimes you won't even know what it is until another person is able to mirror it in you.
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So you realize this is something that you reject.
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For the compassionate piece, I don't think of it as a lovey-dovey, oh, I love you, I accept everything about you, the good and the bad.
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I don't think that's practical or realistic.
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it's not going to be easy to digest or truly be believed by your own unconscious mind.
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So I recommend taking baby steps.
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Compassion can simply be neutrality.
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Don't let your mind make up stories.
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Just let whatever it is there to be there.
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And as a lot of these philosophical or spiritual teachings will say to witness.
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And remember all of us are human beings.
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All of us are trying to do our best with a current awareness, desire, and knowledge that we possess in this moment.
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So any positive or negatively judged trait or characteristic doesn't define your self-worth.
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It just makes you human.
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Number one on that list is gonna be self-trust.
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What does that mean?
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To me, self-trust means that I trust myself to choose things that benefit me to the best of my abilities.
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And that is also good for those around me.
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Now, to people pleasers, this might seem like it's a contradictory statement.
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What if other people want me to go out and I don't wanna go out?
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Well, stick around for the fourth point because we're going to talk about that.
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Self-trust means I care and love myself enough to say no to things that doesn't feel good, things that might harm me in any small or large way,
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and continue to build good habits and create a lifestyle that is actually sustainable and good for me long term.
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And the key here is not perfection.
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It is acknowledging that being human isn't black and white.
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It's not an all or nothing.
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While make the wrong choices sometimes, it's also about levity
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and forgoing one night of deep rest to enjoy a party with your friends.
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So think of it more of a balance.
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If we're too rigid in our attempt to live in the perfect life, it can also tip over into being more controlling or feeling ashamed about not being perfect.
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So what can you do?
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Start with things that actually feels nice to do for yourself.
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Maybe it's waking up a little earlier in the morning before work
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so you just have some extra time to do whatever it is that feels good to you.
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And then create a relatively consistent habit out of doing that.
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And maybe it's finally sitting down and doing research on what supplements
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or skin products that would benefit you and then sticking to that routine at night, just like you would brushing your teeth.
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It can be about breaking lofty big life goals that you want for the long run, breaking them into smaller chunks so they're achievable.
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For example, I heard today on an Instagram post someone was saying
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that their friend basically set a goal for himself to go to the gym every day for five minutes.
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And even though that sounds ridiculous, he was able to accomplish this goal consistently and thus starting to build a habit.
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So anytime you have a goal that feels too scary or not the perfect timing or not the perfect place, break them down into a lot more smaller chunks and then
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that way you can start to establish that habit before it becomes a part of who you are.
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So whatever those things might be for you, whether they're small or big steps, it basically reassures your own inner child and your unconscious mind that you are here for you,
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that you're going to stand by your own promises to yourself
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and honor what feels good and what's giving you energy
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because you are worthy of someone looking after you
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and caring for you the way that you would care for somebody else that you love.
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Number two, get uncomfortable.
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If you're in survival mode, I don't expect you to have the energy or resources to do this.
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So remember the first part of this is compassion.
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But if you're ready or you're in thriving mode, it's time to step us out of your comfort zone.
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The only way for you to continue strengthening your self-worth is by doing things that you thought you couldn't.
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Now there's a difference between accomplishment for external recognition versus experiences that actually truly enrich your own life.
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And this does kind of tie into self-esteem, but I don't think it's possible to continue growing our sense of self
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and self-worth without engaging with life that is outside of the safety of our home, so to speak, or the safety of our comfort zone.
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For example, I didn't believe I could be my own boss until I was.
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And I truly didn't think anyone was proud of me at the time.
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I don't even think I was proud of myself.
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It just felt like there were hills and hills to climb and achieve.
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But there is a subtle yet incredibly shift that happened in myself.
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I knew all that it took to learn new skills in order to create videos, build a website, start a podcast.
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And I began to trust in myself that whenever I felt scared to do something new, I had the courage and the ability to do it anyway.
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Getting uncomfortable and making us through
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that uncomfortable feeling is how we can start to build more self-trust To know
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that we have our own back in all these different ways We as social creatures need to know
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or learn how to adapt and how to grow
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and how to try And I don't know what your uncomfortable thing is
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that you deeply desire to do But remember just to take baby steps
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So I have a bit of social anxiety even though I deeply desire connection like most of us do
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and the way through it is going to things that makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable
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because there's strangers there and what are they going to think about me
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and then I actually go to those events and realize it's actually kind of nice
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and I'm still not the best at this but I'm definitely making progress.
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So this is the perfect transition to the next point
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which is point four and this is the idea of separation of tasks.
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So I just finished reading this book, The Courage to be Disliked.
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It's one of those books that was profound enough to actually have inspired this whole episode, to be honest.
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Separation of tasks simply means that there are tasks that belong to you,
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and then there are the rest that has absolutely nothing to do with you and it's not your problem.
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They're not within your control and it creates a lot of pain trying to maintain or do other people's tasks.
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And this ties to the behavior of seeking external validation in order to feel that sense of worthiness.
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I'm very familiar with this.
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Growing up, I was really only praised for things that I did, never really for who I am.
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This led me to being really good at being the helper
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and feeling like others will only appreciate me or find me valuable if I am doing something for them.
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And it creates this very shaky or weaker sense of self-worth
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because a lot of times people will always appreciate what you do for them
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or notice it or they may not even want you to help them.
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The important point is this and it ties into setting boundaries.
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A lot of times we smear our own boundaries in order to feel that acceptance or that love.
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Maybe you're burnt out and you just want to take Sunday off.
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You're either afraid to disappoint your friend who's asking you to help them move.
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So you're exhausted and you're feeling resentful and you think that now they owe you a favor.
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Or you first try to say no but upon their insistence you start to feel guilty or unconsciously think, I'm not a good friend if I don't go help.
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So you say yes and maybe you begin to feel
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that your friends are only your friends because you do those things or you do those favors for them.
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It's impossible to believe or trust that someone loves you
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or accepts you for who you are
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if you're not being honest about who you are and what you want and more importantly what you don't want.
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So again avoid black and white thinking.
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Please know that I'm not saying to always 100% prioritize yourself.
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That's not possible.
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There's going to be moments when you show up for someone even though you're a little bit tired, even though you're burnt out.
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But it is the proportion of how you show up and how firmly you honor your own needs and your boundaries.
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If you're constantly worried about how other people are perceiving you or what you're doing, you're doing other people's tasks for them.
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Imagine you're an artist and you love the art that you make.
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You put it online and out of a hundred people that follow you, 20 of them adores your art and they buy it.
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70 of them felt indifferent or didn't connect to it and 10 of them are just straight-up haters.
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Is it possible for you to have everyone like what you do or who you are, but if If you love what you made and you firmly stand by it and enjoyed it,
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why try to control how it's being perceived?
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Because you simply cannot.
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You'll be pulled in literally a hundred different directions trying to please everybody.
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Trust that the people who genuinely matter and love you will love you through your imperfections.
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Know that you cannot control if someone is upset at you or mad at you, that is their task.
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Your task is to know what your integrity means, know your limits, know what is a no and what's a yes,
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and allow everyone else to do their tasks.
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How you're perceived is not your task.
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All we can do is operate from the latest updated version of ourselves.
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Not perfectly because we're human, but we do our best and we take responsibility and accountability for our words and actions and our behaviors.
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But how it is received is not something that you have any say in, no matter how much you push or you bend.
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As you can probably tell, I am an avid reader.
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And if you're curious, you can check out my video, Five Books That Would Change Your Life.
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You can also follow my podcast, Path Back to You, join the Modern Pen Pal newsletter, or you can follow me on any of the social media platforms.
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I'll have everything listed down below.
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Until next time.
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Thank you.
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이 레슨의 어휘와 말하기 포인트
이 B2 수준 말하기 레슨은 영상 “How to build self-worth and stop seeking external validation”을(를) 바탕으로 합니다. 가장 자주 반복되는 단어는 다음과 같습니다: self, sense, worth. 이 영상에는 섀도잉할 문장 205개와 단어 3003개가 있습니다. 말하는 구간의 길이는 15:14입니다. 화자는 분당 약 197단어로 빠르게 말하므로 연음과 약하게 발음되는 소리가 많습니다. 단어의 87%가 영어에서 가장 많이 쓰이는 3,000단어에 속해 어휘가 쉬운 편입니다.
이 영상의 핵심 어휘
영상에서 가장 어려운 단어 15개를 발음, 뜻과 함께 정리했습니다.
| 단어 | 발음 | 뜻 |
|---|---|---|
| perceive 동사 | /pɚˈsiv/ | 감지하다, 지각하다 |
| arrogant 형용사 | /ˈæɹəɡənt/ | 오만하다, 거만하다 |
| uncomfortable 형용사 | /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/ | 불편하다 |
| compassion 명사 | /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/ | 동정 |
| chunk 명사 | /t͡ʃʌŋk/ | 조각 |
| unconscious 형용사 | /ˌʌnˈkɑnʃəs/ | 잠재의식적, 무의식적 |
| separation 명사 | /ˌsɛp.əˈɹeɪ.ʃən/ | 분리 |
| podcast 명사 | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | 팟캐스트 |
| helper 명사 | /ˈhɛlpɚ/ | 조수, 도우미 |
| indifferent 형용사 | /ɪnˈdɪf.ɹənt/ | 무관심하다 |
| onward 부사 | /ˈɒnwəd/ | 앞으로 |
| reassure 동사 | /ˌɹi.əˈʃʊɹ/ | 안심시키다 |
| superlative 명사 | /suˈpɝlətɪv/ | 최상급 |
| neutrality 명사 | /nuˈtɹæləti/ | 중립 |
| disappoint 동사 | /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪnt/ | 실망시키다 |
영상에 나오는 구동사
| 단어 | 발음 | 뜻 |
|---|---|---|
| come up 동사 | 올라오다 | |
| go out 동사 | 나가다 | |
| sit down 동사 | 앉다 | |
| wake up 동사 | /ˌweɪk ˈʌp/ | 눈뜨다, 일어나다 |
따라 말해 볼 만한 문장
영상에 나오는 짧고 완결된 문장으로, 일상 대화에서 그대로 쓸 수 있습니다:
- No one's going to come and fix you.
- I'm not going to dive into the details.
- I'll give you an example.
- I don't judge it at all.
- I don't think that's practical or realistic.
이 영상의 문법
화자가 가장 많이 쓰는 문형을 영상 속 실제 표현과 함께 정리했습니다.
| 문형 | 영상 속 표현 |
|---|---|
| 수동태 be + 과거분사 — 누가 하는지보다 무슨 일이 일어나는지에 초점 | is equipped · were born · be believed |
| 현재완료 have/has + 과거분사 — 과거의 일이 지금도 관련이 있을 때 | I've broken · has passed · haven't accepted |
| 관계절 who / which + 절 — 사람이나 사물에 대한 추가 정보 | part, which is · people who do · people who genuinely |
주의할 발음
화자는 you're, don't, I'm 같은 축약형과 약화된 형태를 77번 사용합니다. 들리는 대로 짧게 발음하세요.
- “th” 소리: strengthen /ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/, worthiness /ˈwɜː(ɹ)ðɪnəs/, thrive /θɹajv/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/
- “sh”와 “zh” 소리: compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, unconscious /ˌʌnˈkɑnʃəs/, ashamed /əˈʃeɪmd/, separation /ˌsɛp.əˈɹeɪ.ʃən/, foundational /faʊnˈdeɪ.ʃə.nəl/
- 긴 단어 — 강세 위치에 주의: uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, separation /ˌsɛp.əˈɹeɪ.ʃən/, achievable /əˈt͡ʃivəbəl/, contradictory /ˌkɑntɹəˈdɪktəɹi/, foundational /faʊnˈdeɪ.ʃə.nəl/
한국어 화자가 어려워하는 소리:
- /f/ — ㅍ(/p/)으로 바꾸지 말고 윗니를 아랫입술에 대기: uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, firmly /ˈfɝmli/, foundational /faʊnˈdeɪ.ʃə.nəl/, imperfection /ɪmpɚˈfɛkʃən/, indifferent /ɪnˈdɪf.ɹənt/
- /v/ — ㅂ(/b/)과 구별하기: perceive /pɚˈsiv/, achievable /əˈt͡ʃivəbəl/, levity /ˈlɛ.vɪ.ti/, superlative /suˈpɝlətɪv/, avid /ˈæv.ɪd/
- /z/ — ㅈ이 아니라 성대를 울리는 /s/: cognizant /ˈkɒɡnɪzənt/, prioritize /pɹaɪˈɒɹ.ə.taɪz/, resentful /ɹɪˈzɛntfəl/, resilient /ɹɪˈzɪl.jənt/, newsletter /ˈn(j)uzˌlɛtɚ/
이 영상으로 연습하는 방법
- 먼저 말하지 않고 영상을 끝까지 듣고 모르는 단어를 적어 둡니다.
- 0.75배속으로 한 문장씩 섀도잉을 시작하고, 익숙해지면 보통 속도로 돌아갑니다.
- 자신의 목소리를 녹음해 원본과 비교하고, perceive, arrogant, uncomfortable 같은 단어에 특히 주의합니다.
쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법
쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.