Shadowing Practice: How to Talk to Anyone with Ease and Confidence - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Thanks for watching AIM Northwest.
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Our next guest says she can teach us how to make dazzling conversation with anyone we meet.
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We welcome back the author of Human Lie Detection and Body Language 101, Vanessa Van Edwards.
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Now Vanessa, I just had to pull you away from a conversation with Fabi over there.
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Yes.
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But for folks who have a hard time making conversation,
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there's a science behind having a good conversation, right?
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Yeah, and the good news is,
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is the science of conversation.
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It can be used in any situation,
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whether it's professional, networking events, business meetings, colleagues.
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And also it's the same for social,
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parties, new friends, meeting in-laws for the first time.
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Luckily the science is the same,
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whether you love conversation or you don't.
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Okay, so let's talk about the first rule you say is your intention.
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Yeah, and this is actually the one that we most often forget.
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So the best conversations and the best conversationalists,
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they always set the intention for the conversation.
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And this helps ward against,
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you know those awkward lulls or pauses?
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Yeah.
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That doesn't happen when you set an intention.
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So what I want you to think about before you meet someone,
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before you go to an event,
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is what do you want to bring from the event?
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What do you want to bring to the event?
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So are you there to get new business?
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Are you there to meet a significant other?
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Are you there to just have a good time?
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Are you there to learn something about someone?
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Just setting that minor intention,
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I always do it on the car,
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no matter where I'm going,
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that helps you guide your conversation.
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For the next few tips,
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you'll notice you need to have sort of that guiding drive to know what you want to talk about or ask next.
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So set your intention before you even show up.
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That's kind of like a game plan, right?
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Making sure you have a plan.
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Exactly, exactly.
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It's setting up your strategy for the night.
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And again, it could be as simple as,
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I just want to laugh.
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I just want to have a good time because that's going to change the direction of your conversation.
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Okay, you talk about approach.
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Yes.
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So when you think about conversation,
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you usually think about the first line.
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But research shows that our first impression doesn't happen when you first hear someone,
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it happens when you first see someone.
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So actually the best conversationalists,
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they always approach, they almost start their conversation on the approach.
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So what I want you to do is anytime you're about to initiate conversation
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or you're about to go to someone and introduce yourself,
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is set yourself up right.
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So the best first impression happens when you have nice open body language.
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So you want your hands really visible,
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out of pockets, not tucked into your purse, not behind your back.
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It helps with our trust cues.
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Right.
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And then having your shoulders down and back.
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Anytime we turtle, it signifies anxiety.
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So shoulders down and back.
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And then your smile is actually your opening line.
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So when you smile at someone, it warms them up.
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Right.
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To them going, oh, this person's about to talk to me.
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Right.
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And it gets them sort of already going.
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It's like your opening line a little bit, your smile.
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Right.
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That's a good idea.
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And what would be a good opener?
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Okay.
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So everyone asks me, you know,
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what's a good pickup line?
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What's a good opening line?
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There was a huge research experiment that looked at almost every single pick-up line,
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all the different ways we start a conversation.
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Let me guess.
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Would it be a compliment?
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First thing you say is,
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I like that ring or those boots or that dress.
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Compliments are great second and third.
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The first one is, I know this is going to sound simple,
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hello, how are you?
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Oh!
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By far.
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That one by far.
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And if you think about it,
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that's actually, you don't really want to say something too intense when you first start.
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That's true.
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You go up, you say, hey, how are you?
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I'm Vanessa, whatever.
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And then you go into what's next.
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And the next part, so you've already introduced...
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So you don't even say your name?
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You can say, hey, how are you?
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I'm Vanessa.
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Gotcha.
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Hey, how are you?
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That hey, how are you?
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Hello, how are you?
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It's actually so nice because it's so easy and it's so natural.
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So don't think of anything crazy.
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Just go with what's simple.
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Okay.
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And then what I want you to do is look for what's called conversation sparks.
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So conversation sparks, this is the difference between a dazzling conversation
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and kind of like a meh conversation right
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so conversation sparks are the non-verbal cue is when you're engaging curiosity
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when you're engaging someone to go wow this is that's really interesting
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and can i teach you the non-verbal sign for sparks sure
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so across cultures across genders and races there is one thing
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that everyone does when they are super engaged
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and it's the eyebrow raise oh
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so you just did it anytime anytime someone says something interesting
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we go oh that's what you're looking for you're looking for the topics the conversations the stories
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that make them go oh really that means they're really listening
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that means you're not just going into meh boring
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so what i want you to think about is you set your intention right
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so maybe your intention is to get to know your in-law better right
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so what you'd be doing is asking questions you're trying to
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look for likes mutual likes do you like this restaurants vacations do we have similar hobbies
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that we like and then you're looking for
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that oh i love the baseball game last night
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and then you know you've hit it you've hit a spark
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and then you can go down that hole on
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that rabbit hole in the conversation so you're looking for the spark the eyebrow raise
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when you set
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that intention that's what you're looking for the whole time okay um ending a conversation my husband
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and his family can never end and i don't know how they do it but they can never end a conversation.
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It's the funniest thing.
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So we we don't think about ending a conversation as important
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but actually your last impression is just as important as your first impression.
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So here's what you do.
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Here's a really easy way if you ever want to end a conversation.
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First, mention it's called a future mention.
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So hey what are you up to this weekend?
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What are you doing later today?
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It actually shifts the focus from present to future.
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Oh yeah yeah.
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And then they talk about oh yeah this weekend you know
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I'm gonna go to a I'm gonna go to the hike in forest park.
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Right.
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That's your cue to say,
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well, it was so great speaking with you.
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I wish you the best of luck on that hike.
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I hope it's great fun.
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So actually that future mention is a nice little tie-in.
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Segway, yeah.
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And it's a really clean,
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nice, polite way to thank them for the conversation
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and then wish them the best of luck on whatever their future endeavor is.
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That's a good idea.
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Let's say you're at a party and you want to make sure that someone feel comfortable coming up to you.
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What would be good body language?
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Oh, I love it.
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Okay.
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So what you want to look for for yourself and others is the pivot out.
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So whenever you're trying to approach two people or three people,
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anytime they're both facing each other so their toes are aligned,
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you know that they're probably not open to anyone else.
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They're having a conversation.
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Don't interrupt them.
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Don't interrupt them.
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So when you want to be approached or you want to approach someone else,
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look for the pivot out.
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That's when someone's, they're talking to each other,
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but their body is actually angled out.
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Their toes are angled out.
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That means they're much more open.
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They're available.
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To approach, and you want to do the same.
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So if you're talking to someone,
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you still want people to come up to you.
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Make sure you pivot out towards the room.
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That signals people that you are open physically and literally.
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And I would guess to get off your cell phone.
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Oh my goodness.
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I mean, I hope that that goes without saying.
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The worst thing you can do is...
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No, people, it's a habit for a lot of people and they assume that anybody can come up and talk to them.
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But if I see someone on their cell phone,
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I'm not going to approach them.
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And the problem is, is when we get nervous and we have no one to talk to,
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what do we do?
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We're like, I'm going to pretend to text.
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Right.
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So the problem is, it's this bad cycle.
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You don't have anyone to talk to.
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So you pretend to text and then no one comes up to you.
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So what I would say is you're much better off going to get a drink,
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always have something in your hand.
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It feels nicer to have something in your hand.
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Right.
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And plant yourself right where people exit the bar or the food.
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Because that's the sweet spot.
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That's where everyone's like, I have no one to talk to.
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Right.
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So be that person who's like,
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hey, so what are you drinking?
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What did you get?
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Doesn't this food look great?
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Hey, hello, how are you?
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Yeah.
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Got you.
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Plant yourself right there.
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Really good tips, Vanessa, as always.
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We want to tell folks if you'd like to find out more,
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Human Lie Detection Body Language 101, Vanessa Van Edwards.
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Do you love this video?
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Then give us some love in the comments.
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Like this video and subscribe to our channel.
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu B2 seviyesindeki konuşma dersi “How to Talk to Anyone with Ease and Confidence” videosuna dayanıyor. En çok tekrarlanan kelimeler: conversation, intention, approach. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 215 cümle ve 1688 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 7:19 sürüyor. Konuşmacı hızlı konuşuyor, dakikada yaklaşık 231 kelime; bu yüzden birbirine bağlanan ve zayıflayan sesler duyacaksınız. Kelimelerin %89’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında, bu yüzden kelime dağarcığını takip etmek kolay.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodaki en ileri düzey 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| spark isim | /ˈspɑɹk/ | kıvılcım, şerare |
| anytime zarf | ne zaman olursa | |
| eyebrow isim | /ˈaɪˌbɹaʊ/ | kaş |
| interrupt fiil | /ˌɪntəˈɹʌpt/ | kesilmek, kesmek |
| compliment isim | /ˈkɑmpləmənt/ | övgü, iltifat |
| toe isim | /təʊ/ | ayak parmağı |
| gotcha | /ˈɡɑ.tʃə/ | yakaladım |
| align fiil | /əˈlaɪn/ | hizalanmak, hizaya geçmek |
| turtle isim | /ˈtɝtl̩/ | kaplumbağa, tosbağa |
| polite sıfat | /pəˈlaɪt/ | kibar, nazik |
| bore fiil | /boɹ/ | burgulamak |
| hobby isim | /ˈhɑ.bi/ | hobi, merak |
| purse isim | /pɚs/ | cüzdan, portföy |
| curiosity isim | /ˌkjʊɹ.iˈɑ.sə.ti/ | merak, meraklılık |
| colleague isim | /ˈkɒliːɡ/ | çalışma arkadaşı, meslektaş |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Anlam |
|---|---|
| find out fiil | anlamak, ortaya çıkarmak |
| get off fiil | inmek |
| show up fiil | ortaya çıkmak |
Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler
Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:
- What do you want to bring to the event?
- Are you there to meet a significant other?
- Are you there to just have a good time?
- Are you there to learn something about someone?
- You go up, you say, hey, how are you?
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | is set · are aligned · be approached |
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | you've already introduced · you've hit |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı you're, don't, I'm gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 50 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: conversationalist /ˌkɑːnvɚˈseɪʃənəlɪst/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: conversationalist /ˌkɑːnvɚˈseɪʃənəlɪst/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/, curiosity /ˌkjʊɹ.iˈɑ.sə.ti/
Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:
- Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: spark /ˈspɑɹk/, cue /kju/, curiosity /ˌkjʊɹ.iˈɑ.sə.ti/
- /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: dazzle /ˈdæzəl/, rabbit /ˈɹæbɪt/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; spark, anytime, eyebrow gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.