Shadowing Practice: I Asked 100 Married Couples for Dating Advice and Learned... - Learn English Speaking with Video

Over the last three years, I have asked more than 100 married couples one huge question.

What would you say is the key to 60 years, 20 years, 54 years, 58 years together and successful, long lasting marriage?

And their answers have taught me more about love and dating than any book, course, video or school ever could.

And in this video, we will be sharing some of their most insightful, emotional, and knowledgeable pieces of advice we have heard to date.

How long have you been married for?

40.

Huh?

No.

1987.

Can we do that math really quick?

37 years.

Well, this will be 37.

37, yeah.

There's a times 10 factor.

You lose track.

You guys are married?

Yes, we've been married many years.

How many?

Good.

The year.

It's always like that.

See if you know.

54 years.

Yes, 54 years.

We met in 71.

We've been together 53 years.

Yeah, almost 53.

I kind of feel like a lot of my friends, like after 20 years of marriage, you want out.

40 years of marriage, you're like, oh my God, what have I done?

They never make it to the good part.

A lot of flowers that don't bloom for decades.

Interesting flowers.

She's very interesting.

And she's really intelligent.

And to me, very beautiful.

Sweet.

and we've been married 58 years, but still great.

What would you say is the secret to 58 years together, and you said still great?

The biggest thing is we both married our best friend.

True.

Well, to me, it's having your best friend next to you all the time.

When Ann goes out of the way for a few days, I'm sort of out of sorts.

We're together 32 years.

We've known each other for 50 years.

But somehow we never got, and we were single.

Right.

And so he got involved with other people and went separate ways for 18 years.

And sort of had a child together.

You know, that would have been awfully nice.

I was younger.

I worried a lot about finding love in my life, enduring love.

You know, whether it was living with someone or married to someone, it didn't work out.

Then we're together 30 years, so we came together fairly late, you know, in midlife.

And yes, it was that important.

And as you get older, it gets even much more important.

The most important decision you make in your life is your marriage and who you marry.

I can make or break it, as we all know.

It can be a success.

They can encourage you in whatever you're doing, discourage you.

The best thing that I ever did was I met Joan, and it was the best decision I ever made.

I was 23 and she was 20.

So that was our 20s.

You got to have your mate with you as long as possible when you get older.

Yeah.

Be single when you get older is not good at all.

How long have you guys been married for?

It's going to be 60 years in October.

What has gone you 60 years?

Still happy?

You know, I'm assuming, right?

Still happy?

Still enjoying?

There's a couple of days here and there that are pretty good.

What's the secret to a long-lasting relationship?

You got to be flexible.

You can't be dogmatic.

you're not always right.

She's not always right.

No.

I know what she's going to say.

You told me I'm a lot of talk, not you.

So I'm talking.

You can't let things fester.

You got something on your head, you talk about it, you resolve it, finish it.

Yeah.

Can you define the word love for me?

I don't know what the hell that is.

I can't define it.

If you can smile regularly, you're okay.

A lot of it is caring.

It's respect.

don't pick fights respect and um i mean love what's love he's crazy you know

so you got married at 87 with that lady there married for three years wow you've been married three years you got married at 90 to a younger man.

You're a cougar.

Congratulations.

How does that feel?

Thank you.

There you go.

Robbing the cradle.

100

What I have felt in this relationship is that I hadn't felt any red flags.

101

So, okay, so love is no red flags.

102

I had a friend who once said, I love it in life when all of a sudden the lights go green.

103

That's what's happened.

104

I like that you were looking at him too when you said all this.

105

Life worked very well after I met.

106

My first husband died.

107

After I married John, life was just very, very good.

108

We've been fortunate enough to always travel, so we've been almost everywhere.

109

We've just had a wonderful life.

110

We're very lucky.

111

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but it's looking together in the same direction.

112

What would you say is the key to a successful, long-lasting marriage?

113

Patience, patience, good principles, you know?

114

That's important.

115

Cover your ears.

116

Oh yes, okay.

117

That is my opinion.

118

How do you appreciate each other for so long?

119

My wife is really a wonderful wife because she's every time very, very correct with me.

120

And correct with everybody anyway, all human beings.

121

So you're always right.

122

I'm a little bit of a nun.

123

What are the sacrifices that you guys had to make or have to make in order for this to work?

124

Quite frankly, I don't think I made any sacrifices.

125

I guess that marriage is not for everyone.

126

None at all.

127

God, I mean.

128

Some people are thinking, oh, I have to sacrifice my freedom and this and that.

129

No, I think you have more freedom when you have a committed relationship.

130

Most relationships are not just a compromise, but a complementary existence.

131

One person is the good cook, me.

132

One person takes care of the finances, him, and that gets worked out in a relationship.

133

But I think it's also an attitude toward life in general.

134

I mean, I guess you could ask somebody, what kind of sacrifices do you make for your job?

135

Well, if you really like your job, you know, look at it like a sacrifice.

136

Good marriage gives one a sense of safety and comfort.

137

It allows you to grow, just like a child who feels secure in their relationship with their parents is then willing to go out in the world independently, knowing that there's a good attachment.

138

That's what marriage is.

139

It's an attachment.

140

Marriage is, you know, 60%, 40%, 60%, 40%.

141

Isn't that 50-50?

142

I'm usually the 60.

143

I would hope so, yeah.

144

I've heard from my dad that's the standard.

145

That's the best way to go.

146

60's pretty good for, I'm glad he's getting 40 at least, you know.

147

We're 67 years married.

148

No matter if we do get in arguments, which happens at all times with all people, we try not to let it hang over till the next day.

149

We have it set in our lives that we embrace each other every morning, no matter what happens.

150

And it erases any problems that we might've had.

151

It brings us back to a decent level relationship.

152

I think that's important.

153

I love that.

154

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155

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156

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157

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158

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159

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163

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164

So you guys are both on your second marriage.

165

Can you define the word love?

166

I'd say love is care.

167

It's a big word, but I think love means caring for someone.

168

It just lasts.

169

I think there is a feeling that applies better to us rather than one of us.

170

what do I love about you is less than what I love about the both of us together as a couple.

171

That's what I love.

172

You're like, uh-uh.

173

That was a good answer.

174

That was better than what I was going to say, so I don't want to say what I had.

175

The most important thing is honesty.

176

Not doing anything.

177

That's a good foundation to build trust and loyalty.

178

It's an agreement that the trust is above everything.

179

Yeah, we don't break the trust.

180

Love is the ability to sacrifice oneself for the when you can put things aside that are from your ego or preference or personality and just say, yeah, I'll go with that.

181

That's love.

182

When I was a girl, I made a list of what I wanted in a guy, and then I met him.

183

He had some of the valuable qualities that I wanted, like kindness, spirituality, intelligence, like really intelligent.

184

Now, I had other things on my list that he completely doesn't meet at all, but he had the right character.

185

So all through the years, again and again, I chose to love him whenever we'd get upset, whenever we completely didn't agree, whenever he wanted to live somewhere and I didn't want to live somewhere.

186

That was a real crisis.

187

Girls now, they're taught that what they want is the most important thing, rather than what is the we, what is like the best thing for us together instead of what's the best thing for me.

188

When you give up that me to a we, that's love.

189

I think that the key word is respect.

190

You're not always going to agree with what he or she is doing.

191

Ultimately respect their choices.

192

I think you have to learn how to say you sorry.

193

That is a really big thing.

194

I thought that love is never having to say you sorry.

195

Oh, but it is.

196

And that's a ridiculous statement.

197

That was just for you, yeah.

198

What's the value of being with someone for the rest of your life, hopefully, versus jumping around and like, oh, if I have all of these options available to me, why would I stick with one?

199

It's the good, the bad, and the ugly.

200

You know the good, you know the bad, you know the ugly, and you still love the person.

201

I mean, you can't ask for more than that.

202

It's just, there's something really great about that and special.

203

And even when you're angry at the person, and you still flick on that coffee machine that they need for the morning because you know they need that, that's commitment.

204

What's the value of it?

205

I think you get to a point, every relationship that's enduring, where you need to refresh it.

206

For the relationship to keep growing, a way to get closer.

207

You don't need to rush into marriage.

208

We were together for five years before we got married.

209

And then it was sort of the right time.

210

It added something ineffable, right?

211

But real.

212

I think finding a life partner is the biggest gamble in your life.

213

But if you do find it, it can be the magical part of your life.

214

Well, we were kids when we met and there was a lot of luck and just communication.

215

If I could give younger people advice is finding the right partner is important and therefore not having kids until you are more sure that it is the right partner because there's so many divorces in life.

216

And obviously waiting a bit to have kids doesn't negate divorce, but it minimizes the chance that if you're not together as a couple, don't introduce someone else until you're sure.

217

How is dating difference when you guys first started dating than it is today?

218

I think the pressure on kids now is pretty hard from social media to go out, what to do, who to be with, where you are.

219

I think they're smarter about protection.

220

They Uber instead of drunk driving.

221

We did not do that.

222

Anything that you're going to do, get video consent for it first.

223

Right.

224

There was no permanent record of how incredibly inane you act.

225

It was easier back then and it's tougher now.

226

We were doing crazy stuff and no one was filming it.

227

I mean, now they are.

228

Every movement that you make is on film and you have so many distractions like, you know, social media.

229

Commitment is harder because of that.

230

What are some things you think we could do to have like more opportunities or better chance of finding real love.

231

I think you should take this and flush it down the toilet.

232

Personal connection.

233

You can't replace that.

234

I think it's very difficult now for dating.

235

One, because it's all done kind of remotely.

236

A lot of this texting back and forth, which seems like the worst way to communicate.

237

We were very immature when we got married.

238

We were both 22.

239

Speak for yourself.

240

I think it's harder than it ever was.

241

But I also think that people's expectations are higher than maybe they should be.

242

I think that you have to kind of take a chance on people and get to know them better.

243

Having unrealistic expectations of this person is going to be lined up right up with all your ideals and all your priorities.

244

It's not going to ever happen.

245

Like you're going to have to make compromises.

246

And so there's going to be surprises.

247

What's one thing that when you were younger, you put a lot of importance on?

248

And as you got older, you realized wasn't actually that important.

249

You want the truth?

250

Chasing girls.

251

And then I met my wife and we've been married for 45 years.

252

I saw the futility of that.

253

It's a lot nicer to be in a very loving couple than to be chasing women all the time.

254

Don't be afraid to fall in love.

255

Yeah.

256

No, it's true.

257

Some people are.

258

Some people are very sort of, you know, they're afraid of becoming dependent or getting hurt or whatever, but you shouldn't.

259

You got to risk it.

260

Feels like people aren't putting themselves out there as much or taking that risk.

261

Yeah.

262

Yeah.

263

I think maybe they think that there's always somebody else to try.

264

So I get too bogged down with one relationship and just keep moving around.

265

And after a while, you find years have gone by and you've just been moving around and not like challenging a relationship to continue like day to day.

266

Yeah.

267

You know, not looking so far ahead all the time.

268

It is really, it's about day to day.

269

Yeah.

270

Even a long-term relationship has to do with today is today and it's the next day.

271

Let's get better.

272

How do you recommend someone finds love in this day and age then?

273

Be open to find it.

274

And if you get hurt, that's how you know you're alive, right?

275

Don't make it a shopping list.

276

I like to see who I'm with.

277

So when I met her, I looked at her and I just saw flashing lights.

278

So does she.

279

Let yourself be changed by the person that you need.

280

I've changed him a lot.

281

I like musicals.

282

He goes to musicals with me.

283

I love you.

284

That's shocking.

285

It wasn't my habit.

286

Yeah.

287

Literally follow your heart.

288

Like no one knows what you want except for yourself.

289

Sometimes you won't listen to yourself because maybe what you want is not what others would want for you.

290

I married a man 20 years older than me and everyone around me said that it was a wrong decision.

291

Three years later, I can say that I'm so happy that I followed my heart.

292

Yeah.

293

And it comes with sacrifices, but it was the right choice.

294

Amazing.

295

Let's bring him in.

296

Because you've been speaking about him the whole time, so this is the husband.

297

Okay.

298

Having a partner in life is the best thing because you always have that person that is going to be there for you.

299

It's work, but it pays off.

300

Thank you so much for watching this video.

301

If you have enjoyed it, guess what?

302

This is part of a huge year for us where we're going around the world and interviewing people from all these different countries of all these different ages and giving you perspectives like this channel has never offered before.

303

So if you haven't already subscribed, please make sure to do that and we will see you in the next video.

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Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?

Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.

Shadowing tekniği: adım adım eksiksiz rehberi okuyun →

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About This Lesson

Key Vocabulary & Phrases

Practice Tips

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