Shadowing Practice: Once you start choosing yourself, you'll never chase again - Learn English Speaking with Video
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why is it the more you chase anything the more you repel
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that thing and why is it when you finally turn the energy back into you
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and you stop chasing you finally allow that thing
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or person to come towards you why is it happens
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so often people that finally give up trying to chase and get anything
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that's the moment they meet the person that's the moment that thing comes into their life
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when you change the energy and you let go of attachment, you end up allowing the energy to come back to you.
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And when you allow the energy to come back to you and you're present to the moment, you are more magnetic.
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You're no longer desiring something outside of you to complete you.
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So in this video, what I'm going to do is I'm going to show you how to revert the energy from chasing anything, how to do the deeper inner child work
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that will allow you to be in the energy of being chased because you are choosing yourself.
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You are present yourself.
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You are confident in the self and you have a healthy relationship with yourself
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because ultimately people feel what you feel about you.
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And anytime we chase anything, we put the power outside of ourselves.
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and this is a inner child energy that wants to be resolved
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and it's the reason you might attract emotionally unavailable people
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that you need to chase because hopefully you can get them back on board
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which is similar to the inner child stuff of wanting mom or dad to get back on board.
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So in this video, I'm gonna show you how to do the deeper inner child work, how to completely transform it from the inside out
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and how to begin embodying present magnetic energy where you choose yourself and as a result,
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you are good either way with whether people choose you.
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So when you talk about energy dynamics between two people and you talk about people that are chasing,
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subconsciously what they're chasing is they're chasing a pattern that is unresolved from childhood.
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And what happens is there's an inner child part of them
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that wants to be chosen by somebody else and the belief is that
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if i can get this person that's emotionally unavailable to choose
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me i will then have completed the unresolved energy from childhood
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so really what this inner child wants is not the other person
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The inner child wants the attention and the acceptance from you.
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And if you were to be present with that inner child part of you, a certain part of your nervous system may begin to relax.
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But what happens is we think that the other person, if we could turn them, then we would be whole and complete.
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but remember what is actually wanting completion is the pattern inside of you it's an inner child part of you
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that wants to feel accepted and why is it so often when you see people
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who are chasing someone else when they give up the chase
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and they start focusing on themselves what happens they let go
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of trying to chase anyone else they start focusing on themselves They might even make a rule, like, I'm not dating anyone else.
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I'm just focused on myself.
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And a lot of times when people make commitments like that, that's when they end up meeting deeper connections.
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Why?
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Because they gave up the chase.
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They gave up trying to get something from someone else, and they started to be happy with where they are.
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And when you're present to the moment, having fun, you're more magnetic.
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When someone else liking you, there's not high stakes involved because you recognize that whether they like you or not,
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it has nothing to do with whether you're worthy or not.
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As kids that had a certain type of childhood energy, the belief is that if I could turn this emotionally unavailable person, if I could turn them to like me,
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then I'd complete the energy from childhood.
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but subconsciously what might actually feel familiar is someone who's not emotionally present
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or available so there's like an inner child part of you
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that wants to feel seen heard soothed and nurtured and it wants your emotional availability But the thing is,
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is you might be attracted to emotionally unavailable people because you want to resolve the energy from childhood. Are you following?
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Is this resonating?
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So when we talk about energy dynamics here, this is why, this is why it is so powerful to bring the energy back to you.
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and to recognize also, you might have a story, a belief that you need to fight for love and approval.
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And also even look at my hand up here.
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If we put love and approval on a pedestal and above us, that's a projection of authority.
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And we will tend to project authority above us when there is an unresolved pattern from the past and childhood of authority.
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Now think about it, when we little babies and little kids or these little beings and our parents are literally gigantic,
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they're gigantic.
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And to us, they feel like forms of the primordial God.
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And the forms of primordial God, if there's flaws with them, rather than think that there's flaws with them,
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we instead internalize it and say, this had something to do with me.
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I must be flawed.
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And burst out of the cocoon is the emotion of shame.
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And then people say, it's so hard for me to attract love.
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Why is it so hard?
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When subconsciously, there's a certain level of shame that's there, an uncomfortable emotion to feel.
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But nonetheless, the more you, how do you heal that?
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You give yourself permission to feel it, to talk about it.
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Remember, healing happens in the presence of an empathetic witness.
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And part of you and your inner child could be you empathetically witnessing your inner child.
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And if you don't empathetically witness your inner child, that inner child will go looking to authority, which will project onto future partners,
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bosses, and stuff like that to play out those dynamics.
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Now, why do we play out certain dynamics in our life with that unresolved energy?
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Think of it like energy.
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If there is unresolved guilt, for example, there'll be people in your life that allow you to feel guilt.
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Now, part of it you say is they are making me feel guilt.
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When in actuality, you may surround yourself with people that you feel you are in eggshells around, that you feel you can't express yourself around.
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And what happens is then you feel guilt because you feel responsible for their attention.
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I got news for you, boo -boo.
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You are not responsible for their attention, for their tension.
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You're not responsible.
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If you were to say the mantra, that's not my job.
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It's a Mac Dre song from the Bay Area.
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Very inappropriate.
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some of you wouldn't approve okay that's not my job you think somebody somebody feels tension
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when you express how you feel it's not your job to fix it to get them on board
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because if you got them on board then they'd be the emotionally available parent that you wish you had
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there's a direct correlation between your ability to express yourself
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and not be attached to what somebody thinks or how they feel or what their their uh the tension is
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and you being able to feel safe inside of your body
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it's hard to like you think about the childhood pattern
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and energy dynamic of you feeling responsible for people in your life life, and then you say, do you want to get in a relationship with someone?
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Don't you want to get in a relationship?
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And subconsciously, when you see relationships, what do you see?
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You see someone else's nervous system that you have to regulate.
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And you're like, why do I have blocks around attracting love?
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Why do I have a self -reliant pattern here?
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Well, if you took on the energy of a kid of being the rescuer,
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people pleaser, over giver, other people are a liability because they are someone else's nervous system you need to manage. So recognize
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that chasing anybody is a reflection of a pattern bringing your energy back is magnetic
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because then you're present to the moment you're the stakes aren't
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so high whether they choose you or not whether they become available
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or not the stakes aren't high because
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that is not a reflection of whether you're worthy
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or not i've shared this a few times this little example
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but when i used to work at nordstrom's no
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when i used to work at barney's new york
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and women's shoes back in the day before I was on YouTube and doing what I do now.
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This is like 10 years ago.
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I would always see these people that were selling and getting people in, giving out samples, getting people into their cosmetic stores.
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And they would get people in and then they would sell them like four or $5 ,000 worth of like cosmetics.
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And they would, you know, sample, free sample, free sample, free sample.
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And people all day would reject them, reject them, reject them.
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I remember I helped one of these people once and I was asking them like, oh, you get rejected a lot.
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How does that make you feel?
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And she's like, doesn't make me feel anyway because she made like 15, 20 grand a month doing that.
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So she probably was like, it's worth the cost.
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But also the meaning she gave to people walking by had nothing to do with her and her sense of worthiness.
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It's simply unfamiliar to be offering people something or trying to get people in and people rejecting,
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that might feel unfamiliar, but only if you internalize it and think it means something about you.
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But how often is it that something happens, you and a certain friendship isn't working out
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or a certain relationship isn't working out or you and some dynamic at work or whatever it is.
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You think there's something wrong with me.
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maybe there's nothing wrong with you maybe the only thing wrong with you is you think there's something wrong with you
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maybe other people's tension is their thing to manage now of course
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of course there is a balance to this right the people that are listening to this right now
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there could be one narcissistic controlling person that hears this and they're like yeah Yeah, let them sit with tension.
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That's your tension, not mine to manage.
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But most of you listening to this right now are people that overly identify with trying to please people,
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overgive, being a perfectionist, achieving a lot of success.
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And these are rooted in a subconscious unfulfilled pattern that will keep you working really hard and trying to be worthy, trying to be enough.
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One of the most powerful insights I had was actually during a family constellation therapy session here in Sedona, where these people, random strangers I never met,
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were playing out energy dynamics in my family without knowing anything.
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It's just like an energy field thing.
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It's pretty esoteric if I'm being honest, but it's very powerful.
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And one of the things that I became aware of was
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that if there wasn't the attention and energy and nurturing as a kid, you may develop the belief and say, screw it.
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I'm just gonna play with toys and distract myself and become very successful.
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I'm gonna become very self -reliant and I ain't gonna need nobody.
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And this is where you get both men and women.
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Sometimes you'll see it with like the boss chick woman.
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I don't need no man.
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I become successful.
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And that can develop a desire to create safety in life.
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Because you don't need it.
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But then as an effect, you end up having to activate that masculine energy.
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And it becomes a self -reliance pattern.
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So this work of everything we're talking about right here, the key is beginning to break those childhood patterns.
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That's what chasing, yeah, out of survival.
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Chasing is a survival pattern.
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It's just the thing that you're chasing though is you're chasing something that can never meet your needs.
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You're chasing something where the stakes are high and anything, you take that out of a person, by the way, think of anything in your life that you're chasing, you're trying to get.
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If it's more money and abundance, it's safety.
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Then I can feel good.
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Then I can let go.
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But what activates in that is a pattern.
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And the pattern
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that activate is your strategy with who you had to be as a kid to receive mom or dad's love and approval.
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And the thing is, is that strategy is outdated because you will never overgive yourself into an emotionally available relationship.
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You will never people -please someone enough to get them to love you.
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You have to understand that this energy here is more so about transcending the pattern.
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And how do you do that?
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The first thing you do is you begin to meet, see, hear, soothe, nurture that inner child part of you that believes they need to people -please, overgive, et cetera.
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And you actually validate their emotions instead of trying to change them.
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because many times people with these patterns, they're like ashamed.
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They're like just the inner child is there and they're like, just freaking change already.
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Change, stop doing this.
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It's so embarrassing.
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Self -reliant pattern, stop it.
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Just go connect with people.
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It's accepting the pattern is a very powerful step in it.
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Accepting it, letting it be there.
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And then ask yourself, maybe the key to breaking the pattern is to actually embrace the thing you're trying to avoid.
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So people pleasers and over givers, let people be with tension.
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That's their thing, not yours to manage.
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Let yourself not over explain, over deliver, over give.
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People please.
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For people that are self -reliant, to ask for help will feel very unfamiliar.
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you'll have a story i've had a story for a long time
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that i've had to shed around being the lone wolf i'm
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like i create success for myself i don't need other people i create success
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and therefore i feel self -reliant i don't need anybody
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because you can't rely on people because you can't trust them
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but guess what if you don't trust people things will come up to reflect back that you don't trust them.
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It's partially that you attract those people that you either can't trust
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or you manifest situations between you and them that allows you to feel the self -fulfilling prophecy of, you see, I can't trust.
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This is something that I've even had to learn in my own business.
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I recognize this more recently about myself is that at times when things kind of like,
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not like when things when there's things that mess up in a business
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back in the day the thing i've become aware of recently
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i started to ask myself like what do i i have a such a strong belief
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that i need to do everything myself
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and i need to like always know what's happening
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or something's going to go wrong and i'm thinking to myself could it be
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that partially it's my own belief that becomes a self -fulfilling prophecy
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and therefore it always feels like the survival mode is there because I have to figure this out.
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So it's where you become aware of that.
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And it's like, okay, what would it look like to let go a little bit more, to trust a little bit more,
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to not need to double check a little bit more for people that hyper plan things out and want people to,
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and are super strict with how things happen.
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What could it look like to allow yourself to go with the flow a bit more?
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to accept that part of yourself and knowing that that part of yourself has got you where you are.
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It helps you create energetic safety, but at the same time, embrace the unknown.
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Embrace the excitement or the other side of certainty because that's really probably what that is.
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It's a value of certainty.
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Certainty is something that like very much is valued, but then you end up kind of giving up adventure and fun and uncertainty and spontaneity, right?
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do you see the difference in that energy
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this is something i i mean this is like the main core teachings
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that i teach on youtube and instagram here it's like the stories
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that you have about yourself the patterns
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that you have about yourself are not you they're childhood strategies when you break those patterns it's a whole new world, baby.
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It's like, imagine you always thought other people's emotions were yours or you had to please or overgive or be perfect.
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And then all of a sudden you realize you don't have to strive to be perfect.
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You're not what you do.
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You don't need to, you're never gonna overgive yourself into worthiness.
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It's very freeing.
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It's very freeing when you can have more fun, be present to the moment, enjoy your life.
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So it becomes a very powerful way for you to connect to other people and other parts of yourself.
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Someone says, what about over explaining?
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Over explaining is kind of like over giving where maybe the answer was never good enough as a kid.
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Can you, what are you avoiding?
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Like, think about this with childhood patterns.
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By, with the pattern, what emotion are you avoiding?
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Ask yourself that question.
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That emotion is what wants to be processed.
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If you over explain, what are you avoiding?
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Go and put it in the chat.
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If you over explain, what are you avoiding?
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Are you avoiding having the wrong answer?
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Are you avoiding someone else being disappointed?
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what are you avoiding because the truth is that
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if you can lean in and let yourself feel that
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and let other people feel that you then begin to become more free
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yeah feeling shame rejection guilt or shame whatever that emotion is
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so whatever the pattern is i mean if you're people pleasing you're maybe avoiding tension
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you're avoiding feeling and expressing anger yeah you're avoiding some people say disagreement chaos avoiding disappointing someone
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when you can let it be okay that someone else is disappointed you will become more free
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so these are all different aspects of the unresolved energy from childhood
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and it's one of the reasons that many times a side effect of this energy is that you have more magnetic energy.
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You attract more situations and circumstances that reflect back the co -regulated nervous system that you create through processing unresolved stuff.
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That is a side effect, but it's why I don't teach manifestation and stuff like that.
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People might think that that's what I talk about sometimes when I talk about magnetic energy and all of this, but really, it's just a little bit of a way to get people in so that then they're like,
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okay, let's do the deeper stuff, Right?
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Because if I made a whole bunch of videos like, who'd you have to be as a kid to receive mom and dad's love?
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Unfortunately, they don't reach a lot of people.
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You probably didn't find my content from me talking about just that.
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Maybe actually.
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I've had a couple of videos get a couple million views on that topic.
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But in general, it's like how to have magnetic energy.
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And then you get on and then I'm like, here's how you hear your mommy and daddy stuff.
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Mommy and dad, mom, dad, child triad.
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It's the most powerful thing that if you shift, it'll shift your life.
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What's called the mother, father, child triad.
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How you relate to mom is how you relate to feminine energy.
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It's how you relate to creativity.
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It's how you relate to the feminine energy in your life, your ability to receive, your sense of self -worth.
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How you relate to dad is your relationship to boundaries, your relationship to purpose, your relationship to assertiveness,
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masculine energy, men
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and then the relationship between them affects your blueprint for your relationship for relationships whether they work out
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or not and then you over here all cute who did i have to be to receive mom
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and dad's love and approval that's the pattern that
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when you shift will completely transform your life from the inside out and when you break out of that pattern
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you will be more free you will have more fun
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i see i had to shed that someone says i had to shed codependency
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when you think of the over giver people pleaser dynamic
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that is the rescuer dynamic is a form of codependency
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that attracts perpetrators and attracts victim so victim perpetrator rescuer the codependency triangle
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and the thing is is also when you begin to break
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that pattern of a rescuer you will appear in certain people in your life to be a perpetrator
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and you'll be afraid to be the bad guy
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or the bad girl by letting people sit with tension by
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not fixing them by especially even with the victim not fixing them
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so that's how you begin to become more free you have to embrace that dark side baby
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normally people in the rescuer dynamics had a angry parent as a kid
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or a controlling parent as a kid
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and they don't want to be like them by expressing themselves
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and that's why if you think about it transformation it goes seeing the pattern feeling it and freeing it and shifting it
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feeling it and freeing it is about the expression it's about the vulnerability it then doesn't stay inside of your body.
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And that's when you begin to become more free from it
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so that then you don't have to attract people in that allow you to feel that energy.
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that's unprocessed freeing it freeing it is done through forgiveness
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it's done through breath work it's done through vulnerability
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and expression it's done through hitting a pillow it's done through fixed physical exercise with intention
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so anyways How many of you got value from today's live?
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Yeah?
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You guys get some value?
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I hope so.
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Will you guys love me forever?
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Sometimes I think, maybe that's a deeper thing.
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I'll leave that for another live.
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Ooh.
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But anyways, and one thing that I had to shed years ago when I was getting on YouTube,
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that's definitely definitely a long time ago not anytime soon but one thing that i had to shed
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was part of the vision i had or part of putting myself on youtube
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and doing what i do i do was like passion
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and wanting to help people and add value
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but part of it was secretly trying to fix mom and
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if i could add enough value or fix mom energy or something then i'd be worthy and enough
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And a lot of times people do that by growing a business.
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And it's like, I'm going to make dad proud.
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So this is like a subconscious of those dynamics and those energies.
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But like I said, it was a long time ago, okay?
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I don't do that anymore, okay?
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I'm so much more evolved now.
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I don't need any validation or approval at all.
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Guys, put ones in the chat.
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Please put ones in the chat.
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I hope you like what I'm saying.
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Just let go.
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You guys like me?
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So anyways, I think that's it for now.
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Is there anything else I need to say?
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I think that's it.
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What else is going on?
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I'm doing a live event out here, October 28th to 30th.
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That's happening soon.
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Other than that, what else is happening?
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I'm moving to California next week.
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I'm going to a week -long retreat where I won't have my phone.
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Isn't that crazy?
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For a whole week, what will I ever do?
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I'm looking forward to it.
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I'm going to a week -long inner child healing thing.
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It's gonna be cool, and I'll be talking about it on YouTube and stuff like that.
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Probably talk about it here.
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And I'm moving four days before that, getting settled into a place in LA.
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I'll be coming back to Sedona October 23rd for that live event.
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But I'm just chilling.
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Freaking chilling, dude.
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I'm looking forward to getting stable.
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Stable in a certain part of the world where I'm not always moving.
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Because I've been moving for three years.
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I've been just traveling.
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And some of you see, you're like, what are you always moving?
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I like to travel.
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One of my values is adventure and travel.
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But now one of my values coming in is like freaking just stay put.
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Stability.
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That's all I want.
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Stability, stay put.
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For a little bit.
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And then travel again.
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A lot more community out in LA as well.
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So I'm looking forward to that.
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I did leave Austin.
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I left Austin a few years ago, like a year and a half ago, two years ago.
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Very nice.
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Very nice, I like.
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Yeah, probably, I've been trying to find ways of creating content that are fun.
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And this is one of them.
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But the thing is, is when I get into a video like this, sometimes the flow state happens right away.
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And sometimes the flow state happens a little bit later in and I gotta trust it.
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I gotta trust it and just see if it flows.
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And if it flows, it's good.
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It just takes a while.
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But I will be doing like the live event stuff.
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Ideally, you know what would be really cool?
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I have this vision of like making content in LA
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and having like a studio and then having people come and then I answer questions and coach people.
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And it's just like the cameras are set up and everything.
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And I'm able to like add value to people, coach people and then I'm like answering questions and stuff.
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And then that goes as content.
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That's like, that's what I'm looking forward to because I like engaging with people more.
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Like I'm engaging with you, even though you're like through a screen, but I like engaging with people more than I like just sit in front of a camera and be like,
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hey guys, so today it's about letting go.
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Who's gonna let go today?
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Here's how you let go.
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yeah the podcast studio kind of vibe it's like it's funny
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because every podcast i go on those clips like they reach
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so many people but then when you force content
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and you're like i just need to make them letting go
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here's how you let go you ready guys let go yeah
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but it's like it's just more fun
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when there's people that's the next level of people i'm coming
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out of the lone wolf phase i'm like i just let go
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and i make content by myself
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and it's i don't need nobody guys i need you
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and you're pulling this stuff out of me
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because it's more fun anyways we're kind of going on a
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tangent here i've had fun with you guys other than
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that i'll see you guys on the next video whenever
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that is i'll go live soon and as always peace much love
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namaste talk to you guys later bye bye bye
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if you want to watch someone go from chasing to being
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chased in a live coaching demo to see actually how this
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works this inner child healing works in person one of my
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most popular videos got over a million views in a month
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that it came out this video right here will show you exactly how to do it
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What You'll Learn
This video helps build key speaking skills for language learning, including conversational flow and emotional tone control. You’ll practice structuring ideas logically—moving from personal reflection to actionable advice—while maintaining a calm, engaging delivery. Additionally, it strengthens your ability to emphasize key points (like "choosing yourself") to keep listeners focused, a critical skill for effective communication.
Listen For These Sounds
The speaker uses connected speech and reductions that are common in natural English. Notice how "why is it" often links to form "whyisit" (e.g., "whyisit the more you chase..."). Phrases like "you'll never chase again" reduce "you'll" to "yuh'll" in fast speech. Also, listen for the softening of "t" sounds in words like "attention" (pronounced "uh-TEN-shun") and "pattern" ("PAH-tn"), which helps with fluency in pronunciation practice.
Say It Like a Native
To mirror the speaker’s rhythm, focus on stress and pauses. Stress words that carry emotion or meaning, such as "magnetic," "confident," and "unresolved," to create natural emphasis. Pause briefly after phrases like "when you change the energy" to let ideas sink in—this mimics the speaker’s thoughtful pace. For the shadowing technique, repeat short segments (e.g., "you are present to the moment, you are more magnetic") to match the intonation: rising slightly on "present" and falling on "magnetic" to convey certainty. This practice will help you sound more natural and confident in speaking practice, as you’ll learn to balance rhythm with clarity.
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Koşul cümleleri if + cümle, will/would + fiil — bir koşul ve sonucu | if you don't trust people things will come · if you shift, it'll shift |
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — önceden başlayıp hâlâ süren bir eylem | I've been moving · I've been trying |
| “Used to” used to + fiil — artık geçerli olmayan eski bir alışkanlık ya da durum | used to work |
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | being chased · be resolved · is unresolved |
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.