跟讀練習: Using My Voices For Evil | Gabriel Iglesias - 通過影片學習英語口語
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201 句
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1
No, sometimes I use my voices for evil, man.
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I won't lie.
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If I don't have my way,
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like when I go to drive-thrus and they screw up my order, oh, I'm evil.
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I go back around and I start ordering,
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but I throw them off by doing this, right?
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They'll come on the speaker.
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Welcome to Fantastic Burger.
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How can I help you?
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I'll do this.
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Hello, sir?
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Hi.
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Can I please have a double cheeseburger,
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an order fries, and a shake?
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Double cheeseburger, order fries, and a shake.
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Oh my god, yes.
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Then I pull up.
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Oh, they're not expecting me.
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Oh, the look on their face is the best, right?
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Did you just order?
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They come back with a bag of food, you know.
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Would you like ketchup?
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That's where I let them have it.
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Oh my god, yes.
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Hell yeah, man.
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Oh, and by the way,
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before I forget, I know I have a habit of my shows of sometimes throwing a little Spanish in there.
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If you don't understand Spanish, I do apologize, okay?
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I promise I will be translating.
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I don't want anybody freaking out or reporting me to the management with concerns or issues, you know.
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What the hell is going on in there?
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What kind of show is this?
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No, somebody better hit the SAP button on that sonbitch real quick.
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I didn't pay good money to hear some Samoan speak Spanish.
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I'm not Samoan.
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I'm fluffy.
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I didn't know why the guy thought I was Samoan, you know?
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And I've had this happen a couple times where people go, Are you Hawaiian?
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I'm like, no. No, not just a shirt.
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I thought it was just a shirt,
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but no. How could it just be a shirt?
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Just because you wear a freaking sombrero,
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That doesn't make you Mexican.
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I see white people wearing a sarape,
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walking a donkey with a sombrero.
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You don't look at him and go, hola, amigo.
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No, you're like, hey, Ted.
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Hi.
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You know, and he's walking around.
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Hola.
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Come on, stupid donkey.
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Donkey!
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Come on.
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I don't get it, man.
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I'm just trying to do my own thing.
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But it's funny, though.
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I didn't know why the guy thought I was Hawaiian until I actually went to Hawaii.
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I found out that Hawaiian people actually look like swollen Mexicans.
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They do.
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I got off the plane,
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I looked around, I was like,
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oh, my God, my family!
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Even they were like, Aloha, brother.
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Lo que le.
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Malo, malo.
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Orale.
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I loved Hawaii.
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Hawaii was great, man.
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They have a lot of different cultures there.
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They have a lot of Asian people a lot a lot of Koreans I know this
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because I got a couple of shirts tailored at some places
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and every time I'd go in I was always a Korean lady an older Korean lady who was me
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I'd walk in and this one lady always had a comment to make.
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I'm there for a week and every day she had a different comment
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I walk in one day and I couldn't say anything either because she was 75 years old.
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I can't say nothing back You know,
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but there I am walking in The lady behind the counter,
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oh, oh, look at who's here.
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Look at who's here.
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Oh, shit, we're gonna work hard today.
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Ashana, Ashana!
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Whatever.
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Make fun of me.
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But I can handle it, though, you know.
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I can handle it.
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Some people say, well, you know,
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Gabriel, you go up there and you make fun of yourself.
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No, I don't.
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I come up here and I tell you the things that I heard people say.
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There's a difference, you know,
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sometimes I set myself up for jokes and I don't realize it.
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Three years ago, I bought a Beetle, not even thinking.
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That's not the joke, shut up.
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See, I can't even tell you guys this story already.
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I wasn't thinking, I bought the car because it was affordable,
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economical, brand new freaking Beetle for like 17 grand.
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I was like, ah, first new car.
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I go to show it off at my friend Martin's house.
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I thought it was nice.
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I pull up, you know.
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Martin!
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He lives in the hood,
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I don't get out the car.
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Across the street there are these gang members.
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The kind of gang members,
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they don't really get into,
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you know, like shooting people and stuff like that they just hang out on the porch and talk a lot of smack.
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And so I'm there in a Beatle and across the street I hear this, right?
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I'm like, Martin!
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And over here I hear, Orale!
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Hey, what's up guys?
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How's it going?
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How'd you get in there, is it?
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Hurry up, Martin!
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Two months later, I go back to pick him up.
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Now I've had some time to work on the car, right?
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I put some rims on it, some stickers.
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I put a chip in the motor so it goes faster.
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I thought it was bad, right?
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I pull up.
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Martin!
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Orale!
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Uh-uh, I'm not turning around.
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Hey!
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Hey!
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I don't see you.
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Yoo-hoo!
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Oh!
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Hey!
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What?
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Check it out, eh?
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It's the Fat and the Furious.
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I didn't even wait, man.
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Got rid of that car, man.
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I traded it in and got myself a big old SUV.
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It was nice for a while.
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This car freaking sucked on mileage though, man.
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It got 11 miles to the gallon.
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You cannot be badass in a car that kills gas like I kill tacos.
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You can't You can't be at the stoplight trying to intimidate other cars, you know what?
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20 bucks right there Hell no,
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man, but it was kind of cool It had a GPS navigational system in it
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and on star which was really cool You know I'm driving
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and all of a sudden this girl's talking to me right here and up ahead Woo-hoo!
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A three-quarter tenths of a mile left turn.
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And I'm like, whatever you say, baby.
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Being a big guy, I've noticed that people feel compelled to tell me certain things after shows.
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I get people that'll pull me aside and go,
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Gabriel, you're a very funny guy.
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You're very talented.
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Don't you think perhaps you're living a little excess in life?
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And I'm like, well, I love to eat.
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Well, don't you want to live to be 100?
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Well, not if I can't eat tacos.
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And as many as I want.
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You know, a lot of people think that just
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because you work out and lift weights and you eat right
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and you do what people tell You to do that you'll live a long life.
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Maybe you will But you know why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?
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I'm measured by freaking, you know what I mean?
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What good is it to live to be a hundred
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but you didn't do anything you didn't go out
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and kick it with friends You didn't go out
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and get drunk at some club and wake up in an alley one time You know,
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what good is it?
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You stayed in the house and you were safe.
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And I lived to be a hundred.
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You know, I don't know.
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That's why I, um, you know,
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I have a very big amount of respect for the crocodile hunter.
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Rest in peace.
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But, come on, you guys.
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Yeah, he died at 44 years old, but...
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He died doing what he loves to do.
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Not a lot of people can say that.
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If I die tomorrow from over-reading,
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God bless me, that's exactly how it was supposed to be.
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You know how much adrenaline he had every single day risking his life?
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You know how you feel when you're about to cross the street
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and a car go and your ass almost gets hit and you're like and then you're hysterical.
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Oh my God, I almost died.
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Touch me, touch me right here.
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Touch me right here.
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And the rest of the day, you appreciate life.
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You're like looking at the birds or at the sky.
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Oh, you're loving life.
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He did that every day.
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That's why every day I try to live just a little bit of my life like I might not be here tomorrow.
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Because you never know.
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I don't want to die tomorrow knowing I could have had a piece of cake tonight.
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Shoot.
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That's when people tell me,
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why don't you work out?
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Why don't you live weights?
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What if I'm going to die tomorrow?
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I don't want to die sore.
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I want to die full.
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When the corner cuts me open,
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I want the whole room to smell like potato wedges.
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He's gonna go, this guy knew how to live right here, man.
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Thank you.
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