跟读练习: Gerald Durrell to Lee McGeorge - Read by Tom Hiddleston - 通过YouTube学习英语口语
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The End The End
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The End The End
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July 31st, 1978.
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My darling MacGeorge, You said that things seemed clearer when they were written down.
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Well, herewith a very boring letter in
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which I will try to put everything down so
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that you may read and re-read at horror at your folly in getting involved with me.
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Deep breath.
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To begin with, I love you.
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With the depth and passion that I have felt for no one else in this life.
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and if it astonishes you, it astonishes me as well.
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Not, I hasten to say, because you are not worthy of loving.
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Far from it.
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It's just that, first of all, I swore I would not get involved with another woman.
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Secondly, I have never had such a feeling before and it's almost frightening.
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Thirdly, I would never have thought it possible
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that another human being could occupy my waking and sleeping thoughts to the exclusion of almost everything else.
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Fourthly, I never thought that even if one was in love,
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one could get so completely besotted with another person so that a minute away from them felt like a thousand years.
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Fifthly, I never hoped, aspired, dreamed that one could find everything one wanted in one person.
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I was not such an idiot as to believe this was possible.
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Yet in you, I found everything I want.
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You are beautiful, gay, giving, gentle, idiotically and deliciously feminine,
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sexy, wonderfully intelligent and wonderfully silly as well.
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I want nothing else in this life than to be with you, to listen and watch you, your beautiful voice, your beauty,
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to argue with you, to laugh with you, to show you things and share things with you, to explore your magnificent mind,
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to explore your wonderful body, to help you, protect you, serve you and bash you on the head when I think you're wrong.
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Not to put too fine a point on it, I consider I'm the only man outside mythology to have found the crock of gold at the rainbow's end.
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But having said all that, let us consider things in detail.
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Don't let this become public, but...
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Well...
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I have one or two faults.
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Minor ones, I hasten to say.
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For example, I am inclined to be overbearing.
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I do it for the best possible motives, all tyrants say that, but I do tend, without thinking, to tread people underfoot.
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You must tell me when I'm doing it to you, my sweet, because it can be a very bad thing in a marriage.
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Right, second blemish.
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This actually is not so much a blemish of character as a blemish of circumstance.
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darling I want you to be you in your own right
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and I will do everything I can to help you in this
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but you must take into consideration that I'm also me in my own right
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and that I have a head start on you what I'm trying to say is
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that you mustn't feel offended if you are sometimes treated simply as my wife.
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Always remember that what you lose on the swings you gain on the roundabouts.
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But I am an established creature in the world and
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so on occasions you will have to live in my shadow
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and nothing gives me less pleasure than this but it is a fact of life that has to be faced.
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Third, and very important and nasty blemish, jealousy.
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I don't think you know what jealousy is, thank God, in the real sense of the word.
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I know that you felt jealousy over Lincoln's wife and child, but this is what I call normal jealousy and this, to my regret, is not what I've got.
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What I have got is a black monster that can pervert my good sense, my good humor and any goodness that I have in my makeup.
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It is really a Jekyll and Hyde situation.
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My Hyde is stronger than my good sense and defeats me, hard though I try.
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As I told you, I've always known that this lurks within me, but I could control it and my monster slumbered and nothing happened to awake it.
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And then I met you, and I felt my monster stir and become half awake when you told me of Lincoln and others you've known.
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With your letter, my monster came out of its lair, black, irrational, bigoted, stupid, evil, and malevolent.
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You will never know how terribly corrosive jealousy is.
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It is a physical pain, as though you'd swallowed acid or red hot coals.
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It is the most terrible of feelings.
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But you can't help it.
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At least, I can't.
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God knows I've tried.
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I don't want any ex-boyfriend sitting in church when I marry you.
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On our wedding day, I want nothing but happiness, both for you and me.
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And I know I won't be happy if there is a church full of your ex-conquests.
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When I marry you, I'll have no past, only a future.
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I don't want to drag my past into our future, and I don't want you to do it either.
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But remember, I am jealous of you because I love you.
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You're never jealous of something you don't care about.
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Okay, enough about jealousy.
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Now let me tell you something.
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I have seen a thousand sunsets and sunrises on land where it floods forests and mountains with honey-colored light,
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at sea where it rises
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and sets like a blood orange in a multi-colored nest of cloud slipping in and out of the vast ocean.
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I've seen a thousand moons, harvest moons like gold coins, winter moons as white as ice chips,
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new moons like baby swan's feathers.
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I've seen seas as smooth as if painted, colored like shot silk or blue as a kingfisher,
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or transparent as glass or black and crumpled with foam, moving ponderously and murderously.
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I felt winds straight from the South Pole, bleak and wailing like a lost child.
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Winds as tender and warm as a lover's breath, winds that carried the astringent smell of salt and the death of seaweeds,
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winds that carried the moist, rich smell of a forest floor, The smell of a million flowers.
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Fierce winds that churned and moved like the sea, like yeast.
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Or winds that made the waters lap at the shore like a kitten.
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I've known silence.
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The cold, earthy silence at the bottom of a newly dug well.
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The implacable, stony silence of a deep cave.
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The hot, drugged, midday silence When everything is hypnotized and stilled into silence by the eye of the sun
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The silence when great music ends
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I've heard summer cicadas cry so that the sound seems stitched into your bones
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I've heard tree frogs in an orchestration as complicated as Bach singing in a forest lit by a million emerald fireflies.
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I've heard the keys calling over the grey glasses
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that groan to themselves like old people as they inch their way to the sea.
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I've heard the hoarse street vendor cries of the mating fur seals as they sang to their sleek golden wives,
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the crisp staccato admonishment of the rattlesnake,
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the cobweb squeak of the bat and the belling roar of the red deer knee-deep in purple heather.
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I've heard wolves baying at a winter's moon, red howlers making the forest vibrate with their roaring cries.
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I've I heard the squeak, purr and grunt of a hundred multicolored reef fishes.
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I have seen hummingbirds flashing like opals around a tree of scarlet blooms, humming like a top.
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I've seen flying fish skittering like quicksilver across the blue waves, drawing silver lines on the surface with their tails.
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I've seen spoonbills flying home to roost like a scarlet banner across the sky.
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I've seen whales, black as tar, cushioned on a cornflower blue sea,
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creating a vast sigh of fountain with their breath.
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I've watched butterflies emerge and sit, trembling while the sun irons their wings smooth.
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I've watched tigers like flames mating in the long grass
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I've been dive-bombed by an angry raven black and glossy as the devil's hoof
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I've lain in water warm as milk
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soft as silk
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while around me played a host of dolphins I have met a thousand animals and seen a thousand wonderful things
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All this I did without you This was my loss
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All this I want to do with you This will be my gain
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All this I would gladly have forgone For the sake of one minute of your company For your laugh,
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your voice your eyes, hair, lips, body, and above all for your sweet,
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ever surprising mind, which is an enchanting quarry in which it is my privilege to delve.
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