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What do you think is the hardest thing you're working on right now?
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Like what's the most challenging thing you're working on internally or externally?
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Could be creatively, it could be habit -wise.
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What is something that you're struggling with or grappling with that you're working through?
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Happiness.
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Wow, okay.
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Yeah, happiness.
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It's interesting.
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I was getting ready to come over here this morning.
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And so my daughter goes to school here at the Thornton School for music.
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She's a senior, and she spent the night with me last night.
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I'm going to tell you the story because it's relevant about both learning things the hard way and about happiness.
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So she slept in my bed with me last night, and it was so awesome.
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And I just love her, and she's 22, and she's about to, like, burst into the next chapter of her life.
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It is so exciting.
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And I miss her terribly, terribly. And I, oh, I'm going to get like totally choked up
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when I think about it because I live on the other side of the country.
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And I think one of the hardest things
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that you have to do in life if you really love somebody is to encourage them to leave, to encourage them to grow.
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And I can't believe how choked up I'm getting about this because,
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I mean, this just happened this morning and I was laying in bed and she's sound asleep, you know, like sprawled out,
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like those 22 year old sleep and sweating and just like this.
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And I thought, Oh, I want to take a picture of this moment.
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And then I thought, no, she's going to kill me because she looks terrible.
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And you know how that rolls when you're 20 years old.
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And so I closed my eyes to just capture the memory.
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And I thought, why is it that I am always gripping onto the thing that makes me unhappy.
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What is it about this campaign?
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I call it the campaign of misery.
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Like instead of focusing on the fact that here I am, first of all,
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lucky enough to be in Los Angeles to be able to have the means to go see her for Parents Weekend,
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that I have a relationship with her where she would want to come and just snuggle up and spend the night,
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that she is pursuing her passion and dream of being a singer -songwriter, that she is just killing it.
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She's happy.
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Why am I always defaulting to the loss?
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And so when I say that I'm working on happiness, what I've realized about myself,
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Jay, is that I have done a lot of things in life,
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but I've spent the vast majority of my life being so busy and keeping myself so busy as a means to outrun,
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I think, a deep -seated unhappiness.
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And that when the pandemic hit and I had to slow down and I had to truly say to myself, okay, you can't go anywhere.
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You cannot regulate your anxiety by running to Target.
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You can't catch a plane.
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Like, it's you and your, like, you and yourself right now, Mel and all the coping mechanisms
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that you used to have that distracted you from the fact that you're just not that happy, they're not there anymore.
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And unless I want to drink myself into the ground, which I don't, and numb it, or hit the vape pen or take a gun,
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like, unless I want to numb it, I got to deal with it.
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And so I've spent the last two years
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and I continue to focus right now on the number one goal that I have,
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which is to learn how to be happy and content content wherever I am.
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And so this morning is the perfect example of catching this profound sadness, which is part of the human experience.
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Deeply missing somebody is also about loving them, right?
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And noticing that I was going into the negative.
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And part of being content and being happy wherever I am is not trying to fix things.
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It's being okay with things.
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It's allowing the emotion to rise up and then noticing that there's a different way to feel.
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And so in that moment, I just am doing what I'm doing a lot of, which is just breathing through those deep moments where I'm like,
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why am I complaining about this?
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It's so stupid.
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Why am I obsessing about this thing tomorrow?
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And I'm not even here right now.
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And reframing things in a more positive way.
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And this might surprise people because I am a very positive person.
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I am a very optimistic person.
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But when I really slow down, my mind runs a million miles an hour and normally it's 15 steps ahead,
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which means I'm never content where I am.
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And so I've been doing a ton of work like in my nervous system,
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in my body, instead of going right up here and trying to wrestle with my thoughts, I've been going down into here to just.
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anchor in my body and slow things down and be physically where I am, where my feet are.
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And so then there was a second thing that happened.
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So again, I'm working on happiness.
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That's the thing I'm really like working on.
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It's like a muscle, right?
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I'm in the bathroom and I am terrible at doing my hair.
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I know it looks really decent today, but normally I look like a fricking labradoodle on a humid day.
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Like that's just me.
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I just have never figured out the hair situation.
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And so I finally said, that's it.
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I have got to figure out how to make my hair look halfway okay.
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Like I'm not even looking for amazing.
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I'm just looking for okay.
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And so I was watching YouTube.
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I'm learning the tutorials.
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I've got the right sprays.
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And so Kendall comes rolling in after she wakes up and I am sitting there trying to curl my hair, right?
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With this big fat curling.
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I'm terrible at it, Jay.
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And all of a sudden I hit my freaking ear and I'm like, oh, and I'm like, oh my God, I've just burned my ear.
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And Kendall casually goes, well, you got to learn somehow.
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And she walks out of the room.
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I think there is so much wisdom in that because that is how you learn.
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That is how you learn how close to hold a curling iron to your ear.
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You burn yourself.
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And then your whole body absorbs the lesson and you don't go that close to the fire next time.
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And I'm doing that dance with happiness and contentment that
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when I feel the fire of discontent or friction or complaining or looking for what's wrong,
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I pull the curling iron a little away from the ear and I go back into a safer, calmer place.
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That was a beautiful answer.
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I didn't know what to expect when I asked that question.
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I really appreciate you you know going that inward with it because you could have gone a number of ways i
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i fully understand and empathize what you're saying because my mom
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and my family do something similar so
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and i love my mom i have a great relation with my mom she's amazing
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and anything that's good about me is because of her
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but every time i go back to london the day
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i land my family will say well you're only here for 21 days
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i'm like 21 days like that's three weeks even
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if you added up all the hours weekly
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that you spend with time with someone it probably won't account for right 21 full days yeah with full presence
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and then a week will go
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and be like oh you've only got 40 14 days left
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or you've only got seven days left or you're leaving today
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and and that mindset just keeps forcing you to think that day 21 is day one,
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as in that day 21 days left is the same as one day left.
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And you're living all 21 days as there's only one day left.
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And I've taken time and I've sat with my mom so many times to have that conversation with her.
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And I said, mom, if you celebrate that we have 21 days, we're going to make the most of it.
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And we're going to create new memories and create new experiences, then you're going to be happier for these 21 days.
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And yes, you're going to miss me the same.
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It's not going to change that.
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And I'm going to miss you.
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So I have personal experience of that on the other end of it with having that conversation with my mom,
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where she's really grown in understanding how that thought hasn't served her.
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And she's so much happier for it now when I go back.
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So I definitely identify with that.
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What you touched on at the end there, though, was really interesting to me.
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When you talk about happiness, it sounds like you believe you deserve it
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and you sound like you believe
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it's yours for the taking like it's like it is a clear goal direction it's there yeah
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and i think what's happened is subconsciously or consciously
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so many of us don't feel we deserve happiness
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or we don't feel we're worthy of happiness
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or we actually think mediocrity is a safer place to live
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because then we don't have our expectations being unmet we don't have the fall of i wanted this
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but i got this right and
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so i've been i had a friend the other day who sent me a message
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and he said take a look at this
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and it was all about how really we shouldn't strive for happiness we should strive for mediocrity
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because mediocrity is where most people will end up so
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that was literally this is the message
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so my friend messaged me he goes what do you think of this i think
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it sucks that's right i think it's worst advice I've ever freaking heard.
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How about that?
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It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
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Here's the thing, Jay.
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So one of the things I also wanted to say is
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that I'm 54 and it's taken me a long time to figure out that I was actually not a happy person.
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And I don't think I, I really, truly understood what happiness is.
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And maybe I'm using the wrong word.
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Maybe the word is the problem because I always associated happiness with like parties and laughter and like, I'm just like full of joy.
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And I'm, and I just, you know, it's like this very positive thing.
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And again, I am a positive person.
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I'm a very optimistic person.
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But if you were to put a speaker on my head and broadcast the things I said to myself,
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you would literally check me in to the seventh floor at Mass General Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts because it was a constant drumbeat of negativity.
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And as I, one by one by one, Jay, started to fix the problems in my marriage and my finances,
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with my anxiety, as I built a business, you know, a lot of people are surprised to learn
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that most of what you see that I've built has been built in the last six years, literally.
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And so I, as I started fixing things outside,
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that default drumbeat did not go away.
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It just was a situation where I no longer had anything outside of me that was rationally wrong.
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So I turned it back on me and just started hammering me in crazy ways.
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I'll give you an example.
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So this is where I started to have this breakthrough.
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So I was sitting, my husband and I have just bought a house in Vermont.
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And I know you guys, you know, are in your new home.
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It's an incredible thing to do.
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It is our dream house.
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It's the house that his parents built.
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It's the family house.
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We not only were able to purchase this thing, we have been able to completely renovate it, make it our own.
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This place is the closest place to God that I have ever been.
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We sit nestled between mountains with 140 -mile view straight down a valley with cascading.
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Like, it is just spectacular.
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When I would sit in therapy sessions eight years ago and my therapist would ask me to come up with like a,
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you know, like a totem or a spiritual guide or a vision, whatever, for truth or God or whatever, it's always this view.
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And so lo and behold, eight years later, we freaking live there.
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And I'm sitting on this covered deck looking down the valley.
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My daughter is sitting next to me, her other daughter who lives in Boston, who's 23.
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And it's Sunday.
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And normally on Sundays, I'm not even present on Sundays because I've now got the Sunday scaries.
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I'm now thinking about the week ahead.
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She is starting to now do that.
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Okay, I got to get going.
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I got to pack the car.
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I got to get going.
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I got a big week of work this week.
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And it's 7 .30 in the morning on a spectacular day, and the energy is starting.
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And I recognize the energy because that is the campaign of misery that I have lived with for 50 years.
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And I'm sitting there, and I'm thinking, oh, this is interesting.
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That's me.
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And then I stopped in that moment, Jay, and I thought, I don't feel that right now.
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I just feel that exactly where I am,
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looking at this view, is exactly where I'm supposed to be.
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And it was so profound.
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It's almost like that moment where Eckhart Tolle has on the bench in the beginning of The Power of Now,
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where I have this profound experience where I think, wait a minute, is this what happiness is?
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that I'm not 15 steps ahead.
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I'm just able to be right here without the anxiety, without the stress.
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I mean, that is like a revolutionary experience for me.
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I don't think I had ever not felt the default of a revved up nervous system,
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an anxious mind, or a to -do list that was a mile long.
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And I don't want to go back to that sort of frenetic busyness that creates chronic stress.
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And, you know, the challenge for me right now is how do I stay in a space that's happy
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because I love the game of building a business.
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I love pushing myself.
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I love, like, and I realized, oh, wait, you actually need both.
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You need deep, spiritual, quiet time, and you need the busyness of Los Angeles or Boston
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or New York in small sprints but that can't be your default anymore woman
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and that's a that's such a great realization and reflection i think
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when you come to that and it it takes a lot of self -acceptance to come to that because
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I think we think of life as binary, like you have to make a choice.
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You're either going to be a hustler or you're going to be peaceful.
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You're either going to be a winner or you're going to be a loser.
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You're either going to be wisdom and zen or you're going to be money and materialistic, right?
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And it's almost like you feel you have to make those choices early in life.
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And I think when you came in here, we were talking about something and I really,
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really think it's something that a lot of our listeners will resonate with the idea that so many of us
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experience pain of not going after what we want or what we need or what we feel is our calling
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because of the pain that comes with that yeah and
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so we settle for the pain of where we are yeah
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and i think those two ideas are related
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because again we think there's this choice
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you have to make at any point in time where it's
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like i'm either going to live the life of my dreams
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or i'm going to be stuck forever
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and then we're like okay well i'll be stuck forever
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because my dreams seem so far away i remember being there
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and it's always hard to help everyone who's listening realize how much i felt that way
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so how old were you i this was six years ago for me oh my god
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that's right you like have this crazy parallel yeah six years ago
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so six years ago
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i was working a safe corporate job six months from now i was about to be married to radhi
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and i was making
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31 500 pounds a year and that was my salary at this company
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and i was doing extremely well at the company
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so i had a good track to to progress there
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and i'm sitting there going i've been there for two years
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and I'm like I don't think
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this is where I'm meant to be I was looking at people who'd been at the company for decades
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I was I've always said to people look 10 20 years ahead of you
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and look at that person in the company and go is
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that where I want to be and I was like well even
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if they paid me as much as that person's paid even if I got all the benefits that person got
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I don't think I want to do that in my 50s
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and so I thought to myself okay well then I have to take a risk.
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So, and obviously that was like a two -year journey of even convincing myself.
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Let's talk about that.
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If someone's sitting there right now, passionate about something, wanting to get inspired,
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wanting to do something, but they're settling for the pain of where they are.
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And that's why I asked that mediocrity and happiness question.
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Yeah.
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It is really that dance between I'm going to settle for where I'm at, or I'm going to be where I want to be.
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How do you think about that journey?
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How do you start?
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You know what just popped into my mind, in a weird way, cancer.
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If you got diagnosed with a cancer that was treatable, would you try to treat your cancer?
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Yes.
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Of course you would, because otherwise it would kill you.
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When you feel this call or this burning desire, and I feel like we all have this flame inside of us.
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We are not like a boiler where the pilot light can blow out.
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That is not how a human being is wired.
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You, whether you're stuck, whether you're in pain, whether you're suffering, you still have this flame inside you that is burning.
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And when you actively engage in your own campaign of misery,
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and you actively tell yourself the reasons why it's not going to work, or the reasons why you can't do it,
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or the reasons why now is not the time, or you're never going to make it happen,
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or it was great for Jay or great for Mel, but nothing ever works out for me.
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When you engage in your own campaign of misery, you are creating literally a cancer inside of you that eats at you.
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And we don't realize that by engaging in this campaign of misery,
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because it's active, that flame is burning inside you and you are actively convincing yourself not to do anything.
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It is an active, engaged, and that's why I call it a campaign, because that flame is going to keep on burning,
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which is why the campaign has to get louder and the excuses have to get louder.
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And you know what starts to happen is you start to listen to
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that campaign and you start to feel pain because there's something burning inside of you.
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And the only cure for this is to stop listening to that campaign and simply start taking small steps,
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just one every day toward the thing that you want.
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I talk to my daughter about this all the time.
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So she dreams, absolutely dreams of being a singer songwriter,
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solo artist with a successful career, literally stadium tours.
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And if I'm being perfectly honest, this kid has all of the talent and all of that,
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like she's one of those five tool players and she is a great person.
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kind and just awesome.
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And she's even in a program for it, the best in the country.
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She has everything.
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She just has to do the work.
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What is the work?
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Well, the work is simply writing crappy songs every day.
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The work is not listening to the campaign of misery, because all around you, you're going to see evidence of this person's better,
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or that person this, or this one's that, Uh -uh.
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When you listen to that campaign in your head, it is like a cancer inside.
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It causes pain because you can feel when you are giving up on your own potential.
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And that is the worst kind of life to live.
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You are either in the stands commenting about the game or you're on the court playing it.
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And right now, I want you to think about that flame inside you, that dream that you have.
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And I'm going to go back to my daughter who is on the court, but she will be the first to say that for many years,
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she was engaged in her own campaign of misery, sitting in the stands, telling herself why she can't get on the court right now.
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And so I like that visual because at any moment, it literally like cuts right to the truth.
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Are you in the stands criticizing who the people who are playing the game
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or being jealous of them or in the stands telling yourself it's not time to jump in?
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Or are you on the freaking court?
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There's only two places to be in life.
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That's it.
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There is no middle ground here.
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And so what I want to say also is that being in the stands, it is loud.
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It is an active thing that you're doing.
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This is not a passive thing that we do to ourselves.
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We actively argue against our dream and our potential.
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And that is a thousand percent tied to your happiness, to your confidence.
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Because if you are arguing against your own God -given potential, you are actively destroying your confidence.
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You're actively destroying possibility in your life.
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And here's the thing, you freaking know it.
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People know when they have imposter syndrome.
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They know it.
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They talk about it openly.
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And I also hate the term fake it till you make it.
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And here's why.
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When you say, I'm just going to fake it till you make it, you are calling yourself a fake.
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It amplifies your self -doubt.
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Instead, say this, I'm going to get on the court and try until I make it.
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Because the pain of sitting in the stands and never getting down there is way greater than tripping on the court.
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Way greater.
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And this is the thing I want people to understand.
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You are causing yourself so much pain by laughing off and making jokes about how it's never going to happen.
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You're causing yourself so much pain by thinking about it.
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Get out of the freaking stands and get back on the court in your life.
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Vocabolario e note di pronuncia per questa lezione
Questa lezione di conversazione si basa sul video “Mel Robbins: The Simple Truth About Chasing Happiness”. Questo video contiene 324 frasi e 3922 parole da ripetere con lo shadowing. Il parlato dura 22:46. Chi parla ha un ritmo naturale di circa 172 parole al minuto, vicino a una conversazione quotidiana. Il 85% delle parole rientra nelle 3.000 più comuni dell’inglese; conviene studiare le altre prima di iniziare.
Vocaboli chiave di questo video
15 parole del video che vale la pena imparare, con pronuncia e significato:
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| happiness sostantivo | /ˈhæpinɪs/ | felicità, gioia |
| misery sostantivo | /ˈmɪz(ə)ɹi/ | miseria |
| actively avverbio | /ˈæktɪvli/ | attivamente |
| engage verbo | /ɪnˈɡeɪd͡ʒ/ | attirare, convergere |
| flame sostantivo | /fleɪm/ | fiamma |
| default sostantivo | /dɪˈfɔlt/ | mora, morosità |
| curl sostantivo | /kɜɹl/ | riccio, ricciolo |
| anxiety sostantivo | /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/ | ansia, ansietà |
| settle verbo | /ˈsɛtəl/ | risolvere |
| profound aggettivo | /pɹəˈfaʊnd/ | profondo |
| argue verbo | /ˈɑɹ.ɡju/ | discutere, dibattere |
| encourage verbo | /ɪnˈkʌɹ.ɪd͡ʒ/ | incoraggiare, raccomandare |
| spiritual aggettivo | /ˈspɪɹɪt͡ʃuəl/ | spirituale |
| wisdom sostantivo | /ˈwɪzdəm/ | saggezza, senno |
| wherever | /(h)wɛɹˈɛvɚ/ | dovunque |
I phrasal verb che sentirai
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| figure out verbo | scoprire, rendersi conto | |
| slow down verbo | rallentare, decelerare | |
| add up verbo | sommarsi | |
| come up with verbo | ideare, escogitare | |
| end up verbo | andare a finire, finire | |
| go away verbo | partire, andarsene | |
| go back verbo | tornare | |
| wake up verbo | /ˌweɪk ˈʌp/ | svegliarsi |
Frasi da ripetere
Frasi brevi e complete del video che puoi riutilizzare nella conversazione di tutti i giorni:
- Why am I always defaulting to the loss?
- You can't catch a plane.
- Why am I obsessing about this thing tomorrow?
- That's the thing I'm really like working on.
- How do you think about that journey?
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — un’azione iniziata prima e ancora in corso | I've been doing · I've been going |
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | I've realized · have done · I've spent |
| Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo fa | has been built · be stuck · is wired |
| Frasi relative who / which + frase — un’informazione in più su una persona o una cosa | sadness, which is · people who are |
Pronuncia a cui fare attenzione
Chi parla usa 122 contrazioni e forme ridotte, come I'm, you're, I've. Pronunciale nella forma breve, così come le senti.
- I suoni “th”: worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, breathe /bɹiːð/, seventh /ˈsɛvənθ/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, breakthrough /ˈbɹeɪk.θɹuː/
- I suoni “sh” e “zh”: passion /ˈpæʃən/, capture /ˈkæp.(t)ʃɚ/, relation /ɹɪˈleɪʃ(ə)n/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, reflection /ɹɪˈflɛkʃən/
- Parole lunghe — attenzione all’accento: anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, spectacular /spɛkˈtæk.jə.lɚ/, optimistic /ˌɒptɪˈmɪstɪk/, mechanism /ˈmɛk.ə.nɪ.zəm/, revolutionary /ˌɹɛvəˈluʃənɛɹi/
I suoni difficili per chi parla italiano:
- /h/ — va soffiata, non è muta: happiness /ˈhæpinɪs/, wherever /(h)wɛɹˈɛvɚ/, habit /ˈhæb.ɪt/, hammer /ˈhæmɚ/, halfway /ˌhæfˈweɪ/
- Consonante finale — senza aggiungere una vocale dopo: happiness /ˈhæpinɪs/, engage /ɪnˈɡeɪd͡ʒ/, default /dɪˈfɔlt/, profound /pɹəˈfaʊnd/, encourage /ɪnˈkʌɹ.ɪd͡ʒ/
- /æ/ — più aperta della “e”: happiness /ˈhæpinɪs/, actively /ˈæktɪvli/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, spectacular /spɛkˈtæk.jə.lɚ/, vast /væst/
Come esercitarsi con questo video
- Ascolta tutto il video una volta senza parlare e annota le parole che non conosci.
- Inizia a velocità 0,75×, fai shadowing frase per frase e torna alla velocità normale quando diventa facile.
- Registrati e confronta con l’originale, facendo attenzione a parole come happiness, misery, actively.
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.