Pratica di Shadowing: This One Skill Will Change Your Life - Impara a parlare inglese con i video
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My question is, what does this listening posture look like over time?
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And with your knowledge of personal psychology,
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I think we can all say we've somewhere encountered one of those relationships where one person does all the work
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and the other person can't engage in this, even if they have been listened to over and over and over again.
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But at our society level, if that does happen, now let's try it.
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I totally agree with you.
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Let's listen.
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If we wind up in this, sometimes it's always listening and it never turns into listening back.
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Right.
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What's that look like over time?
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You do test for reciprocity.
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So children, for example, when children are investigating potential play partners on the playground, they'll come up to a child,
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let's assume a child of roughly the same age, because that would be the most common situation.
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Maybe we're talking about kids who are four or five years old.
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And they'll throw out a play gesture that's rather simple, so maybe that a two -year -old could manage.
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And then if the person manages a proper response, then they throw out a little more sophisticated and if the person responds appropriately,
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then they ratchet up to just above their developmental level, and then they play like mad at that level, and that'll make them friends.
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And so partly what they're testing for there continually is whether there's something approximating reciprocal altruism, right?
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It's tit for tat in the positive sense.
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And I would say that, well, we know there's actually a literature on this, which is quite interesting.
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This is also something very practical to know, and I'll get to another practicality here.
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So there have been psychologists who've done empirical investigations into what predicts the longevity of a relationship.
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And so here's one experiment that was conducted multiple times and I believe this is very reliable data.
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So imagine you have the two partners in a marriage, each rate the number of encounters they have with their other partner a day.
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It's kind of an arbitrary and subjective measure but it doesn't matter.
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You might say, well I talked to my wife eight times today we had eight different interactions.
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And then you'd say, well, did you rate those for whether they're positive or negative?
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And then you can calculate a ratio of positive to negative.
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And then you can use the ratio to predict the longevity of the relationship.
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And the data show that if the relationship interactions fall below five positive to one negative,
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then the relationship deteriorates and is generally doomed.
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And so five to one, that's preponderance of positive interactions,
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but we're wired so that negative interactions hurt us more than positive interactions help us if they are of the same magnitude.
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So, for example, people will work harder to avoid a loss of five dollars than they will to attain a gain of five dollars.
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And you might say, well, why is that?
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And the answer is you can be absolutely dead, but there's only so happy you can be.
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And so it's bare to err on the side of conservatism in the domain of negative emotion.
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And so, but interestingly And interestingly enough, if the interactions rise so that they exceed 11 positive to one negative,
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the relationship also deteriorates.
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And so what that suggests is that there's some, it's sort of like smiles with teeth, right?
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You want a fair bit of positive emotion and reflection from your partner, but you don't want them to be a naive,
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dependent pushover who's afraid to stand up for themselves.
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And so you want to, you know, because you're a nasty, horrible human being, and now and then you poke your partner just to see if there's anything there, because that's what you're like, and if you find out there isn't,
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you'll run roughshod over them, and you think you won't, but you will, especially if they're very good at implicitly encouraging that, which dependent people sometimes are.
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So you do assess for reciprocity,
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and the basic rule is you want approximately equal reciprocity in relationships that you want to maintain.
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Now, maybe, you know, you have enough additional resource to be the giver more often than receiver in some relationships, but I don't even think that really works that well with children.
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You know, I mean, you obviously have to take care of them, but it's not like they don't deliver the goods to you if you have a good relationship with them.
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And you want to, to some degree, to enforce that reciprocity.
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Now, you might say, well, what happens in relationships where that's impossible?
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And, well, I give you a practical piece of a suggestion on that front, and this is another thing you can do in your own household.
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This is so useful.
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Man, if you get good at doing this, your life will get so much better.
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You can't believe it.
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Is watch the people around you, and whenever they do anything that you would like to see repeated on a regular basis,
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tell them exactly what they did in detail.
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with, you know, be positive about it, obviously, and just indicate that you noticed.
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And because I saw this when I was grading student essays, you know, and so I taught this seminar for a long time, and I was trying to teach kids how to write.
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They were in their fourth year of university in the Honours Psych Program.
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You'd think they'd bloody well already know how to write, but they didn't.
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And so I'd have them write a four -page essay on a given topic, and then they had to rewrite that to a six -page essay, and then they had to rewrite that to an eight -page essay.
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And the first essay I graded was only 5 % of their grade, and I told them, I'm going to cut you into ribbons, but it doesn't matter because it's, you know, 5 % of your grade,
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and so they could tolerate that.
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And generally, by the third essay, they had written the best thing they'd ever written in their life, and they learned so fast it was unbelievable.
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But one of the things I noticed was that they did a little testing with the first essay.
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They'd hand in something.
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And he was just like, God, formulaic, boring.
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They weren't in it at all, you know.
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There was nothing of the person in there.
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There was no thought.
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There was just the kind of psychobabble that they'd learned, especially if they were in faculties of education.
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And it was dry and dull, and everything about it was wrong.
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And so those are hard to grade, right?
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It's like, what's wrong with my essay?
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Well, the words aren't right.
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The phrases, they're not so good.
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They're not organized well into sentences.
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The sentences aren't sequenced well in the paragraphs, the paragraphs don't make a coherent argument, and the entire thing is empty.
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But other than that, no problem.
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It was often easier just to rewrite those essays than to grade them.
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So, in any case, though, one of the things I did learn was that even in an essay like that,
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there is usually like one sentence or two sentences buried on like page three that was an actual thought
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and reasonably clearly stated and somewhat gripping, you know.
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It was like the person popped out from all the background rubbish and said, well, what about this?
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And if you saw that and checked it and said, hey, you hit the mark right there, the next essay would be like two -thirds that.
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And that was really fun to see.
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And then maybe by the third essay, maybe it was all like that.
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And then they were really thrilled.
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It's like, wow, I wrote this, you know.
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And it was sort of the culmination.
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Well, it was a fourth -year seminar.
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It was the culmination of their career as a psychology undergraduate.
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So that was great fun.
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But you can do that in your own household
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if the envious part of you isn't jealous of the revelation of the goodness of the person.
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And so here's the opposite tack if you want to do this.
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So imagine that you're a man who's managed to attract a mate and he believes he's punched above his weight.
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So this woman is more attractive, let's say, more vivacious, more desirable than he deserves.
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So that's going to grate on his soul a fair bit, right?
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Partly because her shining casts a dim light on his lack of utility, let's say.
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And so you can imagine someone like that being prone to jealousy, for obvious reasons.
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And so the best tact to manage in a situation like that, if you're that man, is to wait till your wife dresses herself up in a particularly attractive manner
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and then either fail to notice by occupying yourself with something trivial while she's attempting to gain your attention,
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or by criticizing her directly for what she's just managed to do.
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And if you do that 50 times, let's say, you can be sure that she'll never reveal her attractiveness to anyone else for the rest of her life,
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including you, and you'll get exactly what you deserve.
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So that's the opposite of watching people carefully.
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Now, I learned this in part from Skinner, B .F.
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Skinner, the famous animal behaviorist, because he used all sorts of reinforcement contingencies to shape animal behavior.
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Skinner was unbelievably good at this.
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He trained pigeons in World War II to guide missiles by pecking at photographs,
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so they could map the photographs onto the missile trajectory, viewing the territory underneath, and peck accurately enough to guide the missile to its destination.
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That was discontinued as the technology for guided missiles developed, but Skinner could do that.
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And, you know, we think pigeons, well, they're not that bright.
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It's like, they're smarter than you think, pigeons.
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That's why they can live in cities.
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That's not easy for a bird to pull off, you know.
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It's not their natural habitat.
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And so, but Skinner, although he would use punishment, technically speaking, which is the application of a certain amount of pain,
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or threat, which is the use of anxiety, but what he believed was most effective was reward.
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But it required a tremendous amount of attention.
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So, for example, if Skinner was trying to train a rat to climb up a little ladder
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and then across the ladder and then maybe do a pirouette and come down, which he could do with no problem, he'd wait, he'd just watch the rat, and then when it got close to the ladder...
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he'd give it a food pellet.
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Now, his rats were starved, by the way, down to three quarters of their normal body weight, so they were pretty eager to work for food.
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It's not something you necessarily saw in the methodology section of the papers, but...
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Well, and that's not a critique of Skinner, it's just an indication of how simplification takes place in laboratory experiments.
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In any case, he'd wait for the rat to get near the ladder and give it a food pellet.
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And soon, the rat would be hanging around the ladder quite a lot.
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and then now and then just more
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or less randomly the rat would put a paw up on
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the ladders food pellet well then the rat would hang around the bottom of the ladder with paw well
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if he did that
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continually through observation he could get the rat to do pretty much anything
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that you could imagine a rat to do
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and then maybe some things you couldn't imagine
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and this isn't a manipulative technique by the way although it can be used
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that way it's not effective unless you do it with a a certain degree of wisdom.
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You want to think, well, what do you want in your house?
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How about peace, tranquility, happiness and humor?
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Something like that.
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That's not a bad first -pass approximation.
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And you want to get that in your head.
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It's like, do you want that, or do you want the delights of endless martyrdom?
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Because you have to make a choice, and you might think, I wouldn't pick martyrdom.
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It's like, really?
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Really?
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You wouldn't, eh?
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You'd pick peace and happiness and humor, and so everywhere you go, that's all you're ever surrounded with.
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It's like highly improbable.
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So don't be so sure you're aiming up.
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But if you can orient yourself in that direction, and then carefully, and knowing full well what the hellish alternative is, because you need to know that,
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then you can watch and see, well, when is this manifesting itself in the people around me?
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And then you can tell them in detail, I noticed, son, I noticed.
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Today, we're having a discussion at dinner, you know, and you made a spectacularly witty remark right at the right time.
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And it was provocative, but not annoying.
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And so, good work.
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And then the kid thinks, oh my God, did he notice?
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And then he's like twice as funny the next day, and maybe not in some unbearable manner.
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And that really works.
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It really works.
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But like I said, you have to quell the envy that would otherwise beset you.
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And you have to want to aim up.
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And then you have to not be jealous of the other person's goodness and you have to be extremely attentive, but man, as a transformation technique,
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even in extraordinarily difficult relationships, which goes back to your point, there isn't anything I know of that's more effective.
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And I've been working with moderate Democrats in the United States recently
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and with a number of Republicans and suggesting that to the Democrats
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that when the Republicans do something that isn't absolutely malevolent and stupid, in your opinion, you might want to just say something.
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Like, that's not as bad as it could have been, you know?
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Something at least.
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And the same for the Republicans in relationship to the Democrats, and that because it's also one of the ways that you can reduce the tit -for -tat proclivity, right?
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You want to give the devil his due, especially when you're not actually talking to the devil, but just the person who's sitting across you, let's say in the house.
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It's an unbelie - and people, that's another issue.
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I mean, if you want people to appreciate having you around, learning how to listen, that is a skill that is absolutely unbeatable.
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And this technique of summarizing to their satisfaction, that works like a charm.
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And it's not, you know, you might be a little awkward when you first try it, and might feel a little manipulated because you're not that good at it, but if you get expert at it,
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And you have the greatest conversations with everyone.
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You know, I had people in my clinical practice who were extraordinarily impaired intellectually
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and suffering from all sorts of assorted pathologies in addition to that.
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And if I was listening to them properly, they were as fascinating as anybody I had on the more able and competent end of the spectrum.
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And you learn so much because there is nothing that people won't tell you if you listen.
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It is absolutely amazing what people will tell you and so quickly they'll reveal things they didn't even know about themselves.
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And they need to know those things often.
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They've been hidden for years.
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It's so rewarding.
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And then this use of attentive reward,
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that's also, it's fun in a game -like sense once you learn to play it because you're watching.
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You think, I'll just wait.
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This person's going to do something good sooner or later.
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It's like, pap, good work.
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And people are so thrilled that that little manifestation of goodness in their heart
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that managed to sneak out past their cynicism and boredom was recognized.
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They're so, what is it?
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It restores their faith in what's good inside them.
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It really does.
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It's unbelievably powerful.
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And so that can work.
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If you're embroiled in a difficult relationship, you know, and you can't escape easily, or maybe you can't escape on moral grounds,
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that listening, that helps a lot.
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You might have to listen a lot.
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But that use of judicious reward, man, that's a powerful technique.
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Vocabolario e note di pronuncia per questa lezione
Questo video contiene 201 frasi e 2745 parole da ripetere con lo shadowing. Il parlato dura 15:13. Chi parla va veloce, circa 180 parole al minuto: aspettati suoni legati e ridotti. Il 84% delle parole rientra nelle 3.000 più comuni dell’inglese; conviene studiare le altre prima di iniziare.
Vocaboli chiave di questo video
15 parole del video che vale la pena imparare, con pronuncia e significato:
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| essay sostantivo | /ˈɛs.eɪ/ | saggio, ricerca |
| ladder sostantivo | /ˈlæd.ɚ/ | scala |
| interaction sostantivo | /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/ | interazione |
| technique sostantivo | /tɛkˈniːk/ | tecnica |
| reward sostantivo | /ɹɪˈwɔɹd/ | ricompensa |
| missile sostantivo | /ˈmɪs.aɪl/ | missile |
| goodness sostantivo | /ˈɡʊdnəs/ | bontà |
| pigeon sostantivo | /ˈpɪ.dʒɪn/ | piccione, picciona |
| practical aggettivo | /ˈpɹæk.tɪ.kəl/ | pratico |
| household aggettivo | /ˈhaʊshoʊld/ | domestico, casalinghi |
| carefully avverbio | /ˈkɛɹf(ə)li/ | minuziosamente, accuratamente |
| happiness sostantivo | /ˈhæpinɪs/ | felicità, gioia |
| reveal verbo | /ɹɪˈviːl/ | rivelare, gettare la maschera |
| experiment sostantivo | /ɪkˈspɛɹ.ə.mənt/ | esperimento |
| ratio sostantivo | /ˈɹeɪ.ʃoʊ/ | ragione, rapporto |
I phrasal verb che sentirai
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| throw out verbo | /ˈθɹəʊ ˌaʊt/ | buttare via, rigettare |
| find out verbo | scoprire | |
| pull off verbo | sbrogliare, riuscire |
Pronuncia a cui fare attenzione
Chi parla usa 73 contrazioni e forme ridotte, come you're, they're, don't. Pronunciale nella forma breve, così come le senti.
- I suoni “th”: thrill /θɹɪl/, underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/, methodology /ˌmɛθ.əˈdɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, pathology /pəˈθɒləd͡ʒi/
- I suoni “sh” e “zh”: interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, ratio /ˈɹeɪ.ʃoʊ/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, punishment /ˈpʌnɪʃmənt/, destination /dɛstɪˈneɪʃən/
- Parole lunghe — attenzione all’accento: interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, experiment /ɪkˈspɛɹ.ə.mənt/, psychology /saɪˈkɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, continually /kənˈtɪnjuəli/, longevity /lɒnˈd͡ʒɛv.ɪ.ti/
Come esercitarsi con questo video
- Ascolta tutto il video una volta senza parlare e annota le parole che non conosci.
- Inizia a velocità 0,75×, fai shadowing frase per frase e torna alla velocità normale quando diventa facile.
- Registrati e confronta con l’originale, facendo attenzione a parole come essay, ladder, interaction.
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo fa | have been listened · was conducted · aren't sequenced |
| Frasi relative who / which + frase — un’informazione in più su una persona o una cosa | kids who are · this, which is · speaking, which is |
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | have been listened · have been · They've been hidden |
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.