쉐도잉 연습: how you choose is how you're chosen - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

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It hit me so hard I had to write a Substack article on it.

That's how you know that it was painful.

Or it was like an epiphany that dawned on me and completely altered the way I view things because truth be told, and most humans do, don't lie,

I want to be chosen.

I want to be chosen since sixth grade when we had dodgeball in gym.

I want to be the first one picked by the captain.

I want to be chosen when my friend has an exciting thing to share

and I'm the first one she calls i want to be

chosen by the guy like i want to be chosen as a favorite child it's actually quite embarrassing

but i do and it's not because i don't have self -confidence or i don't value myself

it's not out of insecurity it's not out of the need to get validation it's just

because when someone chooses you that means that they see you

and you know they understand what you bring to the table

and want to hold it close

because at the end of the day that's all we want is to be chosen seen understood

and all the above so when i heard this line it quite literally

changed something in here and made me understand what being chosen meant in a different light

and i'm gonna break it down here

because i think this helps us realize why a lot of things don't work out

and it's less about us not being chosen but more

so about misalignment let me let me get there let me

land okay hi my name is sahar i am a self -proclaimed philosopher lover of human professional yapper

and yeah now let's start from the beginning the monday night where i was watching this halakha

and this dropped on me what this sentence taught me in

my head is actually being chosen is more of a holistic approach

and i'm going to walk you through the psychology aspect of

it the philosophy behind it a little bit of islamic references

so you can also see this within our own dean

and then at the end conclude with last words finishing remarks who knows at

that point we'll see okay

so the quote is how i choose is how i will be chosen

and we think about that

that essentially means the same reasons why you choose someone is

the same reasons they're going to choose you back it sounds

simple enough right yet how come whenever we aren't chosen we get butthurt

or we think that it's a signal identifier of our own unworthiness

and we internalize that as something's wrong with us

when in fact how you choose someone is how they're going to choose you so

if they're not choosing you baby you might not be choosing

for the right reasons i'm just saying i think the most important part of this reframe is understanding

that choice isn't passive it's reciprocal it's not something that's a one -sided thing

because ultimately you both have to choose each other and

if someone doesn't choose you that's you wouldn't choose them

if they're not choosing you now i'm going to bring in the scientific psychology aspect of all this okay

so there's this thing called person environment fit

and essentially it's two kinds of fit run within an environment okay there's demands abilities

which basically just means can you do this?

Do you have the ability to fulfill the demands required?

And there's also needs supplies.

That is trying to evaluate if it can actually sustain you.

So maybe you are capable, but is it something that's going to be long -term happiness, good in your life?

So essentially, while you may have the skills or the capabilities to participate in it, it won't necessarily sustain you long -term.

Needs capabilities, needs supplies, okay?

Two different ways you interact with an environment going hand in

hand with the person environment fit there is this thing called traction selection attrition

which is coined asa essentially meaning the same things

that attract a group of people to an environment is a

shared quality amongst everyone the way this is explained is actually people are drawn towards environments

that share their values and those same environments select the people who already share them

so it's not you know they judged me

and then i separately judge them but more

so there's the same underlying compatibility that ultimately brought this group of people to this environment.

What these two psychological studies show is

that whenever you're choosing someone it's not a one -sided thing it's actually reciprocal meaning

that if both sides aren't choosing the same goal

or environment then there's an underlying misalignment that is not being seen

or addressed which when you think about it essentially means

that rejection is not an indicator of your worth i think

the best example i can have of this is let's say

i want to become a medical school i was gonna say

a medical school let's say i want to become a doctor okay

because i like making money who doesn't right i like being i want to be a doctor

because i like making money but ultimately i don't want to work long shifts

and i don't want to go to all that schooling

and i really don't like scrubs i don't think it looks good on me

so when i go apply for medical school

and they look at my grades i've had amazing grades they ask me why i want to become a doctor

and i say i want to make a lot of money

let's pretend like we're honest in the interview okay i'm like i want to make a lot of money

and not anything of substance or anything that's

shows I will be sustained or fulfilled within this career they're they're not gonna choose me

but it's not

because I'm not smart enough to go to medical school I'm not smart enough to become a doctor it's

because this position I'm applying for is not something

that ultimately long -term I'd want to do I'm gonna burn out I'm gonna be miserable my job

because I'm looking at the fact that I want this job

because it's gonna make me a lot of money

and they're looking at me like she has the skills

but she doesn't have the real passion for it

so wouldn't be a good fit long term

and as you can see in this scenario it's pretty easy

to internalize not being chosen into the medical program you wanted

because your eyes are so fixated on the fact

that I want to be a doctor to make a lot of money

and not fixated on the realities of what your life could look like day to day

and that misalignment right there is ultimately what's saving you from a life of misalignment and unhappiness

because you are too focused on one singular thing now for my favorite part the philosophy aspect of it

and for this specific example i pulled a satra book okay

i'm going to read to you the excerpt from the book

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that he wrote and then we're going to break it down from there

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but this book is called i and thou

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and essentially is speaking between the different relationships humans run between a i it

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and a i thou

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and how those two different things determine the kind of value

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we ultimately see in it okay the passage reads I can

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look on it as a picture stiff column in a shock of light

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or splash of green shot with delicate blue

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and silver in the background I can perceive it as a

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movement flowing veins on clinging pressing pith suck of the roots breathing of the leaves ceaseless commerce with earth

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and air and obscure growth itself I can classify it in a species

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and study it as a type in its structure

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and mode of life I can subdue its actual presence

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and form so sternly

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that I can recognize it only as an expression of law I can dissipate it

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and perpetuate it in number in a pure numerical relation

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and all of this the tree remains my object occupy space

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and time and has its nature and constitution it can however also come about

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if I have both will and grace

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that in considering the tree I become bound up in relation

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to it the tree is no longer it I have been seized by the power of exclusiveness

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when I read that I thought that was just very poetic way to describe exactly the same thing of being chosen.

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Sartar is essentially saying that there's two different ways we interact with things around us.

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There's I it which means I look at this book I see

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that it's a book I enjoy the book I read the book I put down the book however I want

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when I'm bored I pick it up whenever I'm excited

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and busy with something else I put it back down it

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goes like you know what I mean I interact with it

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as an object to be consumed by me that's how we interact with a majority of things in our life

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and it sounds a little sad but it's true we don't go beyond

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that outside of the value it provides for us

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and what use it can bring us now

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when it comes to friendships relationships our family members etc we interact with

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that on a i thou which essentially means

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that we are willing to compromise our own comfortability

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or our own needs in order to enter this person's realm

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and vice versa it's described to being met as a whole being not a list of qualities

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so not being worse or better than it's a different register entirely

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and i think it's important to remember

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that i it is necessary for functioning we can't interact with

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everyone ready to compromise our own return on investment for the sake of loving

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or entering this person's realm of world you know what i mean like we have to have a balance

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so again it's not a terrible thing but it's the reality we live in going back to that job example

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they're meeting me as I it they're not looking at me as a potential medical student as something

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that they want to go inside the depths of my mind

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and understand and work on together

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and grow old they're just like this is we need medical

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students she's applying for a medical school can we accept her

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or not that's it nothing beyond that now

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if I was going to my mom and I was going through something

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and even if she doesn't understand it

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if she's never been through it since she views me as

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an I thou she's going to sit there with me ask me like why I feel

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that way try to understand try to be there for me in my own language etc

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that part of being chosen is less rare less rare is more rare in our life okay

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so knowing all of this going back to

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that how you choose is how you are chosen Ustad Adel Murphy actually used a beautiful example within his halakha

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that really exemplifies what this could look like in real life um he used the relationship between khadijah

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and prophet muhammad um again if you're not muslim essentially just people

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not just people it's the prophet that we look up to peace be upon him

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and his wife his first wife the mother we call her the mother of muslims

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but not like a literal mother just like the first one to have accepted islam anyway

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when you look at their relationship in today's modern day society

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there's actually not it's not typical for them to end up together

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because khadijah was 20 years older than muhammad sallam um she

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was a rich widow she was basically you know she everyone

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wanted her allahum abarak everyone was like she had her life

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she had things going for her okay not to say anyway

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just listen to the story prophet muhammad pays people on him at

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that time was a shepherd he was again in his 20s

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and didn't really have any financial i guess accolades to him at that time

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so whenever it came to keep in mind khadijah can marry

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anyone everyone wanted her she was again highly regarded within society she also had noble character

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and prophet muhammad was known to be a sadiq you know

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the most honest truthful great character as well on paper these two people wouldn't have ended up together

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or should have ended up together

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but how they chose is how they were chosen you see khadijah

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and aha valued honesty and you know compassion

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and good character above all else

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and that's the exact same thing prophet muhammad said salam valued above all else

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so because they saw that with each other they were able to find

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that alignment in choosing each other and

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that is what ended up leading to them becoming you know married

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and having a beautiful like marriage and the rest is history

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and I think that example really tugged at my heartstrings

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because in today's modern whatever you want to call it I don't date

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but in today's courting process it feels like what I'm looking for is unrealistic

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or too much

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that I should just really settle for a checklist like okay

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does he have a good job does he pray five times

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a day is he kind of funny a little good looking

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then check check check okay then we're ready to go

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but it never felt right to me

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because I've always wanted again a deeply met relationship if

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that makes sense like I want someone that understands my inquisitiveness

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and shares the same kind of inquisitive

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that on a bad day we both know how to pick each other up

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because we know what the other person needs without even asking I want

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that very in -depth type of companionship even within my friendships

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and it just seems like it's that's rarer to find

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or a lot harder to find simply because people don't people don't value

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that in me at least thus far no one

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that I've met has seen that within me enough to choose me

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which then I've internalized as oh there's something wrong with me

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or there's you know what I'm looking for is not out there

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when honestly potentially just the fact that I was being saved from a misalignment

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that I wasn't able to see because I was so bent on being chosen for the sake of validation, but not chosen for the sake of alignment.

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That's a harsh reality.

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And I don't want to just harp on the marriage or like dating aspect of things because if I think about it, my family was chosen for me, okay?

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And the same reason why my family members were chosen for

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me are the same reasons why I choose others like my mom can have a terrible day

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and still show up for me 100 my dad can go on

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and on and on about like Islamic lectures and like you know history

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and philosophy and it's the same thing

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that I really enjoy talking about as well so like the same reasons that we have ended up being

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family members in this life is the same reason why I now seek

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that in others and even with friendships whenever I make a friend

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or we grow really close together it's

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because I see those exact same qualities I embody within them

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and I can't help but think how many times

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when I wasn't chosen it was less about me not being seen

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but more so mean not being met again back to my first

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example we want to feel chosen at every corner of life

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because that's how we can determine our worthiness

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when quite the contrary our worthiness actually is only really seen

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and valued whenever that person choosing you is choosing you

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because of those shared values and more times than not

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when we aren't being chosen it's because there is again a misalignment

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that we are not seeing there's actually this line in my sub stack article

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that i love so much

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because it really just embodies how this has brought me back to reality

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so there is so much comfort found in that epiphany

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when my mind wanders into its depths

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and gets lost in the will anyone ever choose me world

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or even the Voldemort of thoughts why would anyone ever choose

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me the thought brings me back from Azkaban they will choose me how I choose them They won't choose me

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because I'm so cool, funny, witty, or pretty, even though I am all those things, but I will be chosen for the embodiment of things beyond

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that simply because that is also how I choose and how like,

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it's like a built in filtration system that I hated for so long because it was filtering.

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It was filtering.

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It's like whenever you have a Brita

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and it's filtering the bad like you know whatever that's in our tap water out of it

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and instead of it going super fast

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and getting immediate results it's taking a little bit longer it's dripping it's dripping you know

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but i'm thirsty i'm not actually thirsty that's a bad example

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but i'm thirsty you know i'm like i want the water right now

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and instead of me being appreciative for this built -in filtration system that's weeding out the bad

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and you know letting me collect all the good and the

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prized possession within the Brita I'm being impatient so it's my impatientness

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that then leads me to think

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that me being not chosen is a indicator of me not being amazing

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when in reality it's actually showing me that hey you're

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so amazing the filter is going to take a little bit longer hang in there hang in there

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so hopefully that makes sense

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and hopefully you can find comfort in this saying the same

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way I do how you choose is how you'll be chosen

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and shout out to Ustad Alden Murphy I'll link the halakha in the description

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if you want to watch it because I think again whack me upside the head with that one bye

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이 레슨의 어휘와 말하기 포인트

이 영상에는 섀도잉할 문장 257개와 단어 3115개가 있습니다. 말하는 구간의 길이는 16:44입니다. 화자는 분당 약 186단어로 빠르게 말하므로 연음과 약하게 발음되는 소리가 많습니다. 단어의 84%가 영어에서 가장 많이 쓰이는 3,000단어에 속합니다. 나머지는 연습 전에 미리 확인해 두세요.

이 영상의 핵심 어휘

영상에 나오는 익혀 둘 만한 단어 15개를 발음, 뜻과 함께 정리했습니다.

단어	발음	뜻
prophet 명사	/ˈpɹɑ.fɪt/	선지자, 예언자
aspect 명사	/ˈæspɛkt/	양상
filter 명사	/ˈfɪltɚ/	여과기, 필터
friendship 명사	/ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/	우정, 우의
thirsty 형용사	/ˈθɝs.ti/	목마르다, 갈증나다
psychology 명사	/saɪˈkɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/	심리학
relation 명사	/ɹɪˈleɪʃ(ə)n/	관계
compromise 명사	/ˈkɑmpɹəˌmaɪz/	타협
indicator 명사	/ˈɪn.dɪˌkeɪ.tə(ɹ)/	인디케이터, 지시약
fulfill 동사	/fʊlˈfɪl/	수행하다
shock 명사	/ʃɔk/	충격, 쇼크
select 동사	/sɪˈlɛkt/	고르다
deeply 부사	/ˈdi(ː)pli/	깊이
happiness 명사	/ˈhæpinɪs/	행복, 기쁨
passion 명사	/ˈpæʃən/	열정

영상에 나오는 구동사

단어	뜻
put down 동사	내려놓다

주의할 발음

화자는 I'm, don't, they're 같은 축약형과 약화된 형태를 84번 사용합니다. 들리는 대로 짧게 발음하세요.

“th” 소리: thirsty /ˈθɝs.ti/, sixth /sɪksθ/, breathe /bɹiːð/, worthiness /ˈwɜː(ɹ)ðɪnəs/, pith /pɪθ/
“sh”와 “zh” 소리: essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, relation /ɹɪˈleɪʃ(ə)n/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, shock /ʃɔk/
긴 단어 — 강세 위치에 주의: essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, psychology /saɪˈkɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, capability /ˌkeɪ.pəˈbɪl.ɪ.ti/, indicator /ˈɪn.dɪˌkeɪ.tə(ɹ)/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/

이 영상으로 연습하는 방법

먼저 말하지 않고 영상을 끝까지 듣고 모르는 단어를 적어 둡니다.
0.75배속으로 한 문장씩 섀도잉을 시작하고, 익숙해지면 보통 속도로 돌아갑니다.
자신의 목소리를 녹음해 원본과 비교하고, prophet, aspect, filter 같은 단어에 특히 주의합니다.

이 영상의 문법

화자가 가장 많이 쓰는 문형을 영상 속 실제 표현과 함께 정리했습니다.

문형	영상 속 표현
조건문 if + 절, will/would + 동사 — 조건과 그 결과	if I have both will and
수동태 be + 과거분사 — 누가 하는지보다 무슨 일이 일어나는지에 초점	be told · be chosen · being chosen
현재완료 have/has + 과거분사 — 과거의 일이 지금도 관련이 있을 때	i've had · have been seized · she's never been

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법

쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.

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