Prática de Shadowing: how you choose is how you're chosen - Aprenda a falar inglês com vídeo
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It hit me so hard I had to write a Substack article on it.
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That's how you know that it was painful.
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Or it was like an epiphany that dawned on me and completely altered the way I view things because truth be told, and most humans do, don't lie,
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I want to be chosen.
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I want to be chosen since sixth grade when we had dodgeball in gym.
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I want to be the first one picked by the captain.
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I want to be chosen when my friend has an exciting thing to share
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and I'm the first one she calls i want to be
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chosen by the guy like i want to be chosen as a favorite child it's actually quite embarrassing
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but i do and it's not because i don't have self -confidence or i don't value myself
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it's not out of insecurity it's not out of the need to get validation it's just
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because when someone chooses you that means that they see you
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and you know they understand what you bring to the table
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and want to hold it close
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because at the end of the day that's all we want is to be chosen seen understood
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and all the above so when i heard this line it quite literally
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changed something in here and made me understand what being chosen meant in a different light
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and i'm gonna break it down here
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because i think this helps us realize why a lot of things don't work out
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and it's less about us not being chosen but more
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so about misalignment let me let me get there let me
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land okay hi my name is sahar i am a self -proclaimed philosopher lover of human professional yapper
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and yeah now let's start from the beginning the monday night where i was watching this halakha
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and this dropped on me what this sentence taught me in
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my head is actually being chosen is more of a holistic approach
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and i'm going to walk you through the psychology aspect of
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it the philosophy behind it a little bit of islamic references
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so you can also see this within our own dean
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and then at the end conclude with last words finishing remarks who knows at
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that point we'll see okay
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so the quote is how i choose is how i will be chosen
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and we think about that
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that essentially means the same reasons why you choose someone is
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the same reasons they're going to choose you back it sounds
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simple enough right yet how come whenever we aren't chosen we get butthurt
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or we think that it's a signal identifier of our own unworthiness
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and we internalize that as something's wrong with us
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when in fact how you choose someone is how they're going to choose you so
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if they're not choosing you baby you might not be choosing
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for the right reasons i'm just saying i think the most important part of this reframe is understanding
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that choice isn't passive it's reciprocal it's not something that's a one -sided thing
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because ultimately you both have to choose each other and
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if someone doesn't choose you that's you wouldn't choose them
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if they're not choosing you now i'm going to bring in the scientific psychology aspect of all this okay
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so there's this thing called person environment fit
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and essentially it's two kinds of fit run within an environment okay there's demands abilities
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which basically just means can you do this?
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Do you have the ability to fulfill the demands required?
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And there's also needs supplies.
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That is trying to evaluate if it can actually sustain you.
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So maybe you are capable, but is it something that's going to be long -term happiness, good in your life?
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So essentially, while you may have the skills or the capabilities to participate in it, it won't necessarily sustain you long -term.
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Needs capabilities, needs supplies, okay?
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Two different ways you interact with an environment going hand in
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hand with the person environment fit there is this thing called traction selection attrition
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which is coined asa essentially meaning the same things
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that attract a group of people to an environment is a
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shared quality amongst everyone the way this is explained is actually people are drawn towards environments
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that share their values and those same environments select the people who already share them
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so it's not you know they judged me
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and then i separately judge them but more
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so there's the same underlying compatibility that ultimately brought this group of people to this environment.
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What these two psychological studies show is
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that whenever you're choosing someone it's not a one -sided thing it's actually reciprocal meaning
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that if both sides aren't choosing the same goal
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or environment then there's an underlying misalignment that is not being seen
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or addressed which when you think about it essentially means
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that rejection is not an indicator of your worth i think
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the best example i can have of this is let's say
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i want to become a medical school i was gonna say
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a medical school let's say i want to become a doctor okay
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because i like making money who doesn't right i like being i want to be a doctor
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because i like making money but ultimately i don't want to work long shifts
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and i don't want to go to all that schooling
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and i really don't like scrubs i don't think it looks good on me
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so when i go apply for medical school
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and they look at my grades i've had amazing grades they ask me why i want to become a doctor
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and i say i want to make a lot of money
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let's pretend like we're honest in the interview okay i'm like i want to make a lot of money
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and not anything of substance or anything that's
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shows I will be sustained or fulfilled within this career they're they're not gonna choose me
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but it's not
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because I'm not smart enough to go to medical school I'm not smart enough to become a doctor it's
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because this position I'm applying for is not something
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that ultimately long -term I'd want to do I'm gonna burn out I'm gonna be miserable my job
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because I'm looking at the fact that I want this job
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because it's gonna make me a lot of money
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and they're looking at me like she has the skills
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but she doesn't have the real passion for it
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so wouldn't be a good fit long term
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and as you can see in this scenario it's pretty easy
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to internalize not being chosen into the medical program you wanted
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because your eyes are so fixated on the fact
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that I want to be a doctor to make a lot of money
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and not fixated on the realities of what your life could look like day to day
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and that misalignment right there is ultimately what's saving you from a life of misalignment and unhappiness
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because you are too focused on one singular thing now for my favorite part the philosophy aspect of it
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and for this specific example i pulled a satra book okay
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i'm going to read to you the excerpt from the book
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that he wrote and then we're going to break it down from there
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but this book is called i and thou
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and essentially is speaking between the different relationships humans run between a i it
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and a i thou
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and how those two different things determine the kind of value
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we ultimately see in it okay the passage reads I can
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look on it as a picture stiff column in a shock of light
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or splash of green shot with delicate blue
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and silver in the background I can perceive it as a
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movement flowing veins on clinging pressing pith suck of the roots breathing of the leaves ceaseless commerce with earth
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and air and obscure growth itself I can classify it in a species
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and study it as a type in its structure
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and mode of life I can subdue its actual presence
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and form so sternly
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that I can recognize it only as an expression of law I can dissipate it
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and perpetuate it in number in a pure numerical relation
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and all of this the tree remains my object occupy space
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and time and has its nature and constitution it can however also come about
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if I have both will and grace
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that in considering the tree I become bound up in relation
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to it the tree is no longer it I have been seized by the power of exclusiveness
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when I read that I thought that was just very poetic way to describe exactly the same thing of being chosen.
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Sartar is essentially saying that there's two different ways we interact with things around us.
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There's I it which means I look at this book I see
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that it's a book I enjoy the book I read the book I put down the book however I want
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when I'm bored I pick it up whenever I'm excited
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and busy with something else I put it back down it
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goes like you know what I mean I interact with it
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as an object to be consumed by me that's how we interact with a majority of things in our life
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and it sounds a little sad but it's true we don't go beyond
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that outside of the value it provides for us
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and what use it can bring us now
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when it comes to friendships relationships our family members etc we interact with
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that on a i thou which essentially means
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that we are willing to compromise our own comfortability
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or our own needs in order to enter this person's realm
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and vice versa it's described to being met as a whole being not a list of qualities
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so not being worse or better than it's a different register entirely
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and i think it's important to remember
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that i it is necessary for functioning we can't interact with
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everyone ready to compromise our own return on investment for the sake of loving
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or entering this person's realm of world you know what i mean like we have to have a balance
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so again it's not a terrible thing but it's the reality we live in going back to that job example
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they're meeting me as I it they're not looking at me as a potential medical student as something
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that they want to go inside the depths of my mind
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and understand and work on together
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and grow old they're just like this is we need medical
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students she's applying for a medical school can we accept her
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or not that's it nothing beyond that now
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if I was going to my mom and I was going through something
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and even if she doesn't understand it
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if she's never been through it since she views me as
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an I thou she's going to sit there with me ask me like why I feel
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that way try to understand try to be there for me in my own language etc
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that part of being chosen is less rare less rare is more rare in our life okay
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so knowing all of this going back to
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that how you choose is how you are chosen Ustad Adel Murphy actually used a beautiful example within his halakha
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that really exemplifies what this could look like in real life um he used the relationship between khadijah
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and prophet muhammad um again if you're not muslim essentially just people
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not just people it's the prophet that we look up to peace be upon him
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and his wife his first wife the mother we call her the mother of muslims
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but not like a literal mother just like the first one to have accepted islam anyway
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when you look at their relationship in today's modern day society
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there's actually not it's not typical for them to end up together
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because khadijah was 20 years older than muhammad sallam um she
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was a rich widow she was basically you know she everyone
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wanted her allahum abarak everyone was like she had her life
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she had things going for her okay not to say anyway
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just listen to the story prophet muhammad pays people on him at
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that time was a shepherd he was again in his 20s
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and didn't really have any financial i guess accolades to him at that time
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so whenever it came to keep in mind khadijah can marry
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anyone everyone wanted her she was again highly regarded within society she also had noble character
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and prophet muhammad was known to be a sadiq you know
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the most honest truthful great character as well on paper these two people wouldn't have ended up together
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or should have ended up together
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but how they chose is how they were chosen you see khadijah
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and aha valued honesty and you know compassion
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and good character above all else
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and that's the exact same thing prophet muhammad said salam valued above all else
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so because they saw that with each other they were able to find
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that alignment in choosing each other and
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that is what ended up leading to them becoming you know married
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and having a beautiful like marriage and the rest is history
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and I think that example really tugged at my heartstrings
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because in today's modern whatever you want to call it I don't date
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but in today's courting process it feels like what I'm looking for is unrealistic
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or too much
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that I should just really settle for a checklist like okay
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does he have a good job does he pray five times
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a day is he kind of funny a little good looking
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then check check check okay then we're ready to go
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but it never felt right to me
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because I've always wanted again a deeply met relationship if
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that makes sense like I want someone that understands my inquisitiveness
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and shares the same kind of inquisitive
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that on a bad day we both know how to pick each other up
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because we know what the other person needs without even asking I want
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that very in -depth type of companionship even within my friendships
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and it just seems like it's that's rarer to find
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or a lot harder to find simply because people don't people don't value
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that in me at least thus far no one
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that I've met has seen that within me enough to choose me
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which then I've internalized as oh there's something wrong with me
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or there's you know what I'm looking for is not out there
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when honestly potentially just the fact that I was being saved from a misalignment
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that I wasn't able to see because I was so bent on being chosen for the sake of validation, but not chosen for the sake of alignment.
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That's a harsh reality.
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And I don't want to just harp on the marriage or like dating aspect of things because if I think about it, my family was chosen for me, okay?
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And the same reason why my family members were chosen for
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me are the same reasons why I choose others like my mom can have a terrible day
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and still show up for me 100 my dad can go on
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and on and on about like Islamic lectures and like you know history
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and philosophy and it's the same thing
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that I really enjoy talking about as well so like the same reasons that we have ended up being
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family members in this life is the same reason why I now seek
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that in others and even with friendships whenever I make a friend
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or we grow really close together it's
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because I see those exact same qualities I embody within them
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and I can't help but think how many times
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when I wasn't chosen it was less about me not being seen
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but more so mean not being met again back to my first
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example we want to feel chosen at every corner of life
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because that's how we can determine our worthiness
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when quite the contrary our worthiness actually is only really seen
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and valued whenever that person choosing you is choosing you
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because of those shared values and more times than not
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when we aren't being chosen it's because there is again a misalignment
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that we are not seeing there's actually this line in my sub stack article
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that i love so much
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because it really just embodies how this has brought me back to reality
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so there is so much comfort found in that epiphany
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when my mind wanders into its depths
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and gets lost in the will anyone ever choose me world
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or even the Voldemort of thoughts why would anyone ever choose
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me the thought brings me back from Azkaban they will choose me how I choose them They won't choose me
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because I'm so cool, funny, witty, or pretty, even though I am all those things, but I will be chosen for the embodiment of things beyond
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that simply because that is also how I choose and how like,
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it's like a built in filtration system that I hated for so long because it was filtering.
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It was filtering.
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It's like whenever you have a Brita
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and it's filtering the bad like you know whatever that's in our tap water out of it
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and instead of it going super fast
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and getting immediate results it's taking a little bit longer it's dripping it's dripping you know
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but i'm thirsty i'm not actually thirsty that's a bad example
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but i'm thirsty you know i'm like i want the water right now
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and instead of me being appreciative for this built -in filtration system that's weeding out the bad
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and you know letting me collect all the good and the
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prized possession within the Brita I'm being impatient so it's my impatientness
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that then leads me to think
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that me being not chosen is a indicator of me not being amazing
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when in reality it's actually showing me that hey you're
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so amazing the filter is going to take a little bit longer hang in there hang in there
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so hopefully that makes sense
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and hopefully you can find comfort in this saying the same
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way I do how you choose is how you'll be chosen
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and shout out to Ustad Alden Murphy I'll link the halakha in the description
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if you want to watch it because I think again whack me upside the head with that one bye
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Vocabulário e dicas de fala para esta lição
Este vídeo tem 257 frases e 3115 palavras para praticar shadowing. A fala dura 16:44. O falante fala rápido, cerca de 186 palavras por minuto, então espere sons ligados e reduzidos. 84% das palavras estão entre as 3.000 mais comuns do inglês; vale a pena estudar o restante antes de começar.
Vocabulário principal deste vídeo
15 palavras do vídeo que vale a pena aprender, com pronúncia e significado:
| Palavra | Pronúncia | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| essentially advérbio | /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/ | em essência, essencialmente |
| interact verbo | /ɪn.təˈɹækt/ | interagir |
| prophet substantivo | /ˈpɹɑ.fɪt/ | profeta, profetisa |
| aspect substantivo | /ˈæspɛkt/ | aspeto, aspecto |
| filter substantivo | /ˈfɪltɚ/ | filtro, crivo |
| sake substantivo | /ˈseɪ̯k/ | causa, interesse |
| friendship substantivo | /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ | amizade |
| sustain verbo | /səˈsteɪn/ | suster |
| thirsty adjetivo | /ˈθɝs.ti/ | sequioso, sedento |
| comfort substantivo | /ˈkʌm.fət/ | conforto |
| psychology substantivo | /saɪˈkɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/ | psicologia |
| relation substantivo | /ɹɪˈleɪʃ(ə)n/ | relação |
| underlying adjetivo | implícito, subjacente | |
| compromise substantivo | /ˈkɑmpɹəˌmaɪz/ | meio-termo, acordo |
| capability substantivo | /ˌkeɪ.pəˈbɪl.ɪ.ti/ | capacidade |
Phrasal verbs que você vai ouvir
| Palavra | Pronúncia | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| end up verbo | terminar, acabar | |
| back down verbo | recuar, voltar atrás | |
| burn out verbo | apagar-se | |
| look up to verbo | admirar, respeitar | |
| work out verbo | /ˌwɝk ˈaʊt/ | calcular |
Pronúncia para ficar de olho
O falante usa 84 contrações e formas reduzidas, como I'm, don't, they're. Diga-as na forma curta, do jeito que você ouve.
- Os sons de “th”: thirsty /ˈθɝs.ti/, sixth /sɪksθ/, breathe /bɹiːð/, worthiness /ˈwɜː(ɹ)ðɪnəs/, pith /pɪθ/
- Os sons de “sh” e “zh”: essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, relation /ɹɪˈleɪʃ(ə)n/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, shock /ʃɔk/
- Palavras longas — acerte a sílaba tônica: essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, psychology /saɪˈkɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, capability /ˌkeɪ.pəˈbɪl.ɪ.ti/, indicator /ˈɪn.dɪˌkeɪ.tə(ɹ)/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/
Como praticar com este vídeo
- Ouça o vídeo inteiro uma vez sem falar e anote as palavras que você não conhece.
- Comece na velocidade 0,75×, faça shadowing frase por frase e volte à velocidade normal quando ficar fácil.
- Grave a sua voz e compare com o original, prestando atenção a palavras como essentially, interact, prophet.
Gramática neste vídeo
As estruturas que o falante mais usa, com as palavras exatas do vídeo:
| Estrutura | No vídeo |
|---|---|
| Frases condicionais if + oração, will/would + verbo — uma condição e seu resultado | if I have both will and |
| Voz passiva be + particípio passado — o foco está no que acontece, não em quem faz | be told · be chosen · being chosen |
| Present perfect have/has + particípio passado — uma ação passada que ainda importa agora | i've had · have been seized · she's never been |
O que é a Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing é uma técnica de aprendizado de idiomas com base científica, originalmente desenvolvida para o treinamento de intérpretes profissionais. O método é simples, mas poderoso: você ouve áudio em inglês nativo e repete imediatamente em voz alta — como uma sombra seguindo o falante com 1-2 segundos de atraso. Pesquisas mostram melhora significativa na precisão da pronúncia, entonação, ritmo, sons conectados, compreensão auditiva e fluência na fala.