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hey guys and welcome back to sugar

and spice this week we're talking about something super interesting

which is why do men love beaches why do they like beaches why do they marry beaches

um i don't think it's i think the author was talking about how it's not actually this

pejorative defamatory kind of female dog it's this encapsulation of like

a woman who has standards who's very sure of herself who will pull back

if things don't serve her um who has her own life her own values her own goals

and is it going to stick around for shitty behavior

which i think is so common these days

and obviously we know men are like that's why it's

so common but i feel like on the other side we see

so many beautiful women around us who just like let guys

no i'm done i'm actually done with the sob story of

like men are shit you let people treat you how you

want to be treated yeah it's like a sense of i'm sorry this is going to sound really bad but

if you are the type of person who's going to stick

around for a guy treating you badly people would treat you

the way you allow them to treat you i'm sorry like that's

and i don't mean about abuse victims because

that happens over time right yeah

but some people will literally accept the bare minimum yeah

and then cry about it how life is unfair babes like why did you accept

that yeah there's no like you're not being forced into

that situation yeah so i'm i don't know i'm just like

that i think there is i think one guy can treat a girl a certain way and treat another woman

completely differently you see it all the time yeah it's actually

crazy like breaks up with his ex of like six years

and all of a sudden the new girl is like getting absolutely everything

and married and kids and all the things um

but yeah i think i think it's very easy to be a victim of your situation

and be like oh my god men treat me badly

and life is unfair and blah blah

but i think it's really important to think about how do you add to

that scenario what are you accepting from people how people viewing you because of the way that you were portraying yourself

what standard are you projecting onto the world yeah

because i don't buy it

that it's just this like i think men have over time worked less hard

because women have allowed them to work less hard totally totally

so if you're accepting certain behaviors babes

when you cry about it like take some responsibility in

that same facet though we were talking about this other day like australia is a traumatic place a day

and it's kind of like we have to sometimes accept the bare minimum

because then they're not really providing anything other than the bare minimum

but then it's like collectively like why why are we why are people accepting

that i know like we that that goes into why men marry beaches

because the beach the girl who has the standards isn't going to stick around for

that the guy who's giving the bare minimum is not going to get

that girl he knows he has to work harder yeah in

other places yeah whereas like i feel like in australia

because like what comes first the chicken

or the egg are the men just shit and providing the bare minimum

and women have therefore learned to kind of put up with it

because that's literally 97 % of men

or is it the other way around where it's like we've put up with these shitty standards

and our men just think they can act any way any

which way i think this is such a deep question

but i think with the rise of um with the rise of hookup culture yeah

and the birth of the contraception pill yeah everything changed yeah wow okay yeah especially in the west yeah true

because like there's not as many like it's not as risky before it's like

if you were sleeping with someone you could potentially she could

be the mother of your child this was risky behavior okay and so

you know you weren't so and girls weren't you know giving it up in that way

and not to shape anyone who is guys i'm a very liberal -minded person everyone enjoy their things like um

if you want to just sleep with a guy sleep with a guy

if you want to have fun you want to have fun

but if you want a man to fully commit to you

and you want to get married and you want to whatever

you know maybe it's not the wisest option to do

that with someone you barely know yeah

if that's what you want from him i get that

because you don't know him you don't know this person you don't know

and i want to go into this in a little bit i think

that you can set the standard with anyone even these low uh effort aussie guys

and you can get them to turn around

so it is it is quite doom and gloom in australia

because you have to raise these men

because they haven't been taught these certain things my issue isn't with i think

that australian men can treat women very very well i just don't think they're romantic yeah

and i don't think that can be taught

and that's the element i don't like about australian guys i think

that they can treat women i've dated aussie guy an aussie guy he treated me amazingly i don't think that that's

like do you think that's

because you put your standards like he would even tell me i've never treated a woman like this

and he did with pleasure with absolute pleasure you get into

that can you tell that story yeah i can't tell

that story um because this i feel like this has happened to you yeah maybe once

or twice guys i was given a very i was given

a cheat sheet in my life i'm a very very lucky woman

that i was given a father who really raised me to

have high standards i know that's not the same for everyone

i had a father not my dad it was my brother

so both of them really showed me how a man treats a woman

so i knew that that i already had

that example i'm my father's princess i already know what what gentleman like behavior is

so i just get puzzled if if i'm not treated in

that kind of way this is the thing with standards right

you see all these women who have amazing guys yeah right

and you're like wow she's so lucky whatever and you think

or maybe like

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that woman has the highest standards that's how she got the amazing guys yeah you need to have high standards

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but you need to try to communicate those standards in a

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non -annoying way in a non -naggy way in a way that's like cheeky playful

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and desirable having standards is confidence yeah how you execute the

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standards is competence yeah it's how that's really important you have

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to know how to execute your standards in a cheeky playful way

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that isn't like grabbing someone by the neck

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because then it's just you look it sounds you sound like a headache

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so i was seeing an australian guy

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and we know each other for ages whatever

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and such a gentleman you know okay i will say this

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also this is a very important thing to note i am

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naturally not a needy person in terms of i don't need to see someone all the time

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so i have my own life my friends my family there's

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so many things

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that come before a man i'm not gonna this is the

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thing about men marrying beaches yeah it's the woman who's not

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going to cancel her plans to see the guy yeah this

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woman is like i've got parties in the morning i've got

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this tomorrow i've got this she's not always available to you being always available to someone at their beck

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and call you could you you could illustrate that

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that picture with anyone you're not going to value something that's always there

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it's always what how what's the value in something

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if everyone could buy a pink diamond

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and it was around everywhere the value of it decreases you know

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so I think the whole thing is I was very naturally I'm naturally like

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that so it wasn't like a manipulative game but I've realized

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that that's what really gets guys hooked is

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because I've got my own life my own things going on

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and they kind of have to compete with that

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so they really value the time

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that you get just they get they want to wow you they want to whatever it is um

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so yeah I think that

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and he treated me amazing he always picked me up never

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drove to his house he was such a gentleman always to me he's i mean we don't talk now

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but have all the time in the world for him he's a great person and

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but didn't he say to you like i've like never done

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this before yeah i've never treated a woman like this and i

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and i do it with the utmost pride yeah i don't

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want you to lift a finger i don't want you he's

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just seen the girls he was dating before they drive to

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his house sleep with him in his bed do you know

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whatever he wanted bring him stuff like i literally never lifted a finger with this man

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and he was such yeah he even moved suburbs like yeah yeah yeah

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because i the area was a little bit you know uh whatever

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and a bit dangerous and he was just yeah he was he's a great guy

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but i just think that it's the australian guys the guys

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that we always talk about

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that are low effort you can make them put more effort

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into the situation as long as you have your standards you're high value

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and um you know how to communicate those standards

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and stop rewarding bad behavior 100 we see so many women around us

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so many beautiful intelligent smart sexy like literally have it all

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and we're giving the rats on the street the all the

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excuses in the world for their bad behavior it's like at

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some point we need to actually be like these men are

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low effort these men are shit these men are unromantic they

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don't plan anything like let me give you an example yeah

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if a guy like i go on a date with a guy yeah

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and he wants to take me home right and

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i'm obviously not going to do that because i don't know you

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and yeah whatever if you're like oh no that's

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so disrespectful whatever some the example of this is

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that someone can do something that is not of your standard

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and if you communicate

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that in a cheeky light way you've communicated your standard it gets him guessing

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but it's also not so much of a headache i don't think people know how to do

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that yeah totally i don't think people it's either you betray yourself

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and you accept a low effort

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or you go the other way where you are a bit

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too extreme in your doctrine in the what you're you know like storage yeah

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and it's like no one wants to treat you well after

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that yeah it becomes like yeah gun to head type of vibe like

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that sounds like a headache i'm already you know in terms of like flipping

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that and like rather than not asserting Thank you standards we give them excuses like we're like oh

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but like he's like not said this to me

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but he said this to me and i think this means this

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and it's like

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if the behavior is not direct it just gives the same

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energy desperate low value you don't like value your own time babe

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when you're busy

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and you're naturally just like i'm getting my hair done i'm

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doing getting my nails done i'm going to work i'm going to the gym i'm doing pottery i'm doing yoga

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i'm going to church i'm spending time with my family why do you have

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so much time to obsess about a man yeah like this

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is this is the whole thing it said someone earns your thoughts thoughts your time exactly 100

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but it's like girls are like he took a breath next

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to me let me change my whole identity for him like

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i think you need to do the inner work before you

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even think about a guy yeah it's you just spoke about

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like having like a really strong male figure like on the opposite side of the coin

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that spies sugar i didn't and i know

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but like this ties into doing the inner work i feel like my previous relationship

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so defined by this absence and this abandonment

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that you become like the doormat

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because you're like they're gonna leave me this is me

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and my ex so we're doing like flip the switch now i was

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that girl i wasn't a beach i was a doormat and

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because this guy like fully loved by me i was like fully wowed by it

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and it wasn't even that amazing now that i look back on it

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because that's how low my standards were how did it happen he was mind you he was abusive

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so i feel like the mental abuse made me a doormat

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but he would do shit to me i wouldn't tell anyone

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because i was embarrassed and i knew

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if i told raquel she would call me out

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and be like why are you accepting that behavior

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but i made my standards like literally on the floor like i didn't have any

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and he he treated me like shit broke up with me and it's

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that typical trope of like the really hot successful smart woman starts dating a rat of a man

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and he fucks her over yeah

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and it's kind of like how does this happen it happens

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through having literally no standards i know he didn't respect me towards the end

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because i had none but at the same time he was an abusive piece of shit

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so let's think someone so beautiful

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and amazing like lexi like the only way a man like your ex could have access to you is

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if honestly that there were self -esteem issues with you you know what i mean like a guy like

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that would never have a chance to get with you

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and then on top of that and on top of

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that not only did he have a chance with lexi he

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had the leg up on lexi no no they just stuffed

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it up he had the leg up he had lexi chasing him

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and this is the thing like in only some weird alternative reality could

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that have ever happened but this this comes down to i think

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that him or just anyone even like a good person

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or like not something like that i think that

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when you let a man know that you will always be there through his

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and i'm not talking about your marriage because everyone relax like for better

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and for worse i'm just saying like someone you're dating he's

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doing horrible things he's not a man of his word he's

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changing plans he's messaging you late at night instead of like making proper plans with you

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he's making you feel bad about yourself whatever it is

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and you're still accepting it you're still chasing him you're still

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like wanting to catch up with him you're always available to

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him like of course he's going to be like treating you badly you know gross

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when you say that because

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that was literally me yeah my ex -boyfriend was a rat like

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when you look at him you're like like just physically disgusting

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but like what makes it worse is his soul was disgusting

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which made him even uglier and when you put

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if you put a side by side you would literally be like how

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and it was because i had probably a lot of self -esteem issues at

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that point don't really know why i think he created them

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in me here's the thing about abusive men though they'll make you self -conscious

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and then they'll make you like they'll bring you i'll whittle you down to where you have no standards

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and then it's like they end up doing something horrific i mean i left in the end

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because he did something horrific and it was like okay i need to bounce

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because this is becoming unsafe but yeah the fact

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that he had the power over me is because of my inner self

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and doing the work since then that was nearly four years ago jesus

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so much inner work still grapple with things obviously but

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so much inner work i've got an amazing new boyfriend we've been together nearly three years

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and he treats me amazingly like standards from that maybe that was my lesson

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to learn like how to really enforce my standards 100 yeah you learn from every relationship yeah

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and like you know you want a lot from that i know

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but i could say like i need all of

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that did i need all of that like ew i just think

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that like yeah in a relationship dynamic between a man

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and a woman um a woman should always be chased like

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forever till the end like the man should never feel

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so comfortable as that the woman has absolutely and

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that goes to the same thing with like even women who

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choose to be stay -at -home mothers i think always need

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to have money behind them whether it's passive income whether it's

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something like not to be fully reliant on a man yeah fully devoted to a man i don't know

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that could never be me like giving him absolute power in

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that kind of way no i wouldn't do it he'd always have to feel

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that if he left me i would be totally fine being completely passive

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and too polite will always kind of leave you in the dirt

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but here's where i struggle right because i'm naturally i'm not saying you're not

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but i'm naturally like a very warm nice nice like human

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like i feel like my energy is like light pink like i'm very like warm

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and fuzzy and loving and like very cutesy like i don't really have

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that like okay but someone that doesn't mean that you're not loving cutesy

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but no no every guy i've been with

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and i quote will say they've never been loved i would do

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but how do you still be not like you can still be nice

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and loving and have standards true true true true

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and you're the more the the greater a man is the nicer loving i become right and then

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when he disappoints me in any kind of way i naturally

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subtract yeah it's the masculine i just i've just always naturally been like

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that i'm only impressed by things that are impressive

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and things i'm not like you know you give me a little little

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crumb

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and i'm like oh my god he sent me a good

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morning text like minimum babe like it's actually the minimum i know isn't

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that though like shit man up yeah

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but you can get him to send you the good morning text in a playful way by setting

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that standard that you like whatever without being like why aren't you sending me a text message for example

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if you messaged that late afternoon i would just say like oh my god i was

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so worried i thought something happened to you didn't send me

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a good morning message no it's playful it's cute it's cheeky

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it's not why didn't you send me a message i feel

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like there's just a natural way of being like playful

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and loving and making someone want to do those things with

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that yeah for you without you know yeah press them up against the wall

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because no one wants to do

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that yeah agreed totally agreed like i was going to set the SWAT team out for you like i was

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so worried you know like it's just cute yeah yeah i

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think it's all it's all a balance life is all about balance and i think that you

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have to we're going to do an episode on confidence

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because i think that it needs a whole episode by itself yeah

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but you need to deepen the connection with yourself that's the most important thing you'll ever have

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and you need to have your own life like you need

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to have your own passions your own dreams your own things i think

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that when you give that all up too soon

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and you're willing to just like forfeit everything for a guy

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like he messages you you're meant to have dinner plans

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and he doesn't message you all throughout the day no

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and then he messages you at like four o 'clock

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and then he's like okay we'll do it we'll go to this place babe

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if you're gonna go to

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that dinner like sorry to be mean are you such a loser

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that you had no other option of doing something else instead

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i would be like oh my god sorry babe i didn't

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hear from you all day i actually made some plans

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because i didn't know if you wanted to see me yeah

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so it's like letting him know babes you can't message me an hour

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or two before whatever not giving me direction of what we're doing yeah telling me what time anything is

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and i'm just going to be like yep got nothing better

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to do yeah you're the first thing on my priority

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and it lets him know like okay wow i've got to

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like work to be this you know someone valuable to her

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i've got to work to like to take some of her

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time my time's not 100 available to you i've got other other things in my life you know

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so if you don't have that make

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that like 100 % just lie oh yeah you could also

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lie you can create the illusion like it isn't like

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if you haven't made other plans you can still bail on

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it yeah yeah without being like yeah actually still have nothing

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to do like just set the standard 100 % also like does it play into

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that concept of allowing men to be hunters

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and allowing like them to yeah like what's it called traditional concepts of masculine

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and feminine totally i think that you can't be too passive in

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that like you're still gonna be cheeky you're still gonna let them know

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that like you are so appreciative of the things that you do

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that they do for you maybe even make a suggestion of something potentially

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that you like maybe remember something that happened

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or like compliment him it's a given pool you know i

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think some people just like you know on the other end want to be wowed a bit too much

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and i think there is like

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because then you know no man wants to feel fully used

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and fully like taken advantage of because that'll that's what some of them will feel

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if it's just especially in australia because there's no culture for

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that you know like in other parts of the world

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if i put out my wallet to pay for something with a lebanese man i think he'd be

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so offended he'd probably never speak to me again like it's offensive yeah it's a deep culturally

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embedded thing

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that a man takes a woman out he looks at it's

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offensive to a man to pull out your wallet rather than in australia i think

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if you're going out for dinner a woman should offer the

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man should pay do you remember like we went out once with a friend of ours

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talking about like the demanding side of things do you remember we went out

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and we were like talking this was like three

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or four years ago and we were talking to a group of boys next to us

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and because we were talking to them for an hour

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or two she was like you've got to pay our bill do you remember that no don't you remember that at

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oh this is on the other side of the spectrum this is what happened we were at a restaurant yeah

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and i was sitting down with the girls with lexi

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and a bunch of other girls and this guy was trying to speak to me

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and i was like old man like no not the vibe

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and then he kept trying to come over

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and talk to us we'll talk to me

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and then my one of my friends was like

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if you want her attention you've got to pay for our bill

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and i was like babe don't ever speak on behalf of me

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and make me so cheap to a man to make him think

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that he can buy me like no that's obviously not how it is plus the guy was gross old

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and like no like my grandfather's age and like letting him think

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that like you could pay to have no that's why did you bring

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that up we're talking about like demand like like putting the demands on a man like

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that oh yeah like the staunchness of

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that is crazy like you can't be like pay fish like it's just not no no

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but i feel like that was someone also learning her standards

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but it was the wrong execution yeah entirely like we don't

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just go around demanding men pay for our bills that's not the vibe that's gross also like

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if you're not into a guy and like

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because the thing is guys everything comes with strings attached nothing

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is free in this life as my mother says like every time

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that a man gives you something or does something for you it's

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because you know there's an expectation on the other end so

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if i don't genuinely like someone i'm not letting him pay for i'm not giving him the illusion

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that he has access to me because i'm

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so cheap i can't afford totally like you know a bill like that's traumatic

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and i'm sure there's some women on the hustle each to their own

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but like i'm not about that life i think it's really important

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and we'll do this confidence episode

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but it's very important to take the steps to be a confident person

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and think about the type of man that we want

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right and what are the standards

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that we actually want like what actually makes us feel loved

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because someone can love you all day and it could be in a way

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that you don't receive love so you won't feel loved

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so no one knows you off by heart no one just

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you know they don't like they can't read your mind

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so doing that classical woman thing of like internalizing it being upset about it

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and like you know is not the right way to go

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about it you need to learn how to communicate standards

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so know what your standards are yeah know what they are yeah

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and know how to communicate them

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and just never make a man feel too comfortable that's like

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the rule of life ladies like never make a man feel

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too comfortable like set your standards this is how it is

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what advice would you give women who just believe they're typically unlucky with love i think with everything it's

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so easy to look on the outside with anything in life

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and to see like why is this world unfair to me

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i'm a victim of my circumstance i've always had bad men around me my dad failed me my whatever

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and it's very easy to look at those things

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but you have to also think about like what are you doing

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that is also not helping your situation what can you change what is there about you

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that maybe is also adding to

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you know to this issue like what are you speaking in

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a certain way are you giving yourself up too easy are

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you like there is there is some self -accountability here you

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know as we were saying before two women can meet the same guy

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and get treated very differently from both yeah um

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and i know it's hard i know it's hard it's not

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easy anymore men don't court you in the same way they

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don't come to your house with flowers they don't ask your dad permission they don't do all those things

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but just know ladies you can get all of those things

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and more from a man by knowing how to communicate

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that those are the things that you need you know like totally that's very important

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so you just you've got to do the inner work like

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that's number one you've got to do the inner work you've got to

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because then it also it stops you from i guess it

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helps you from um being protected from being in abusive relationships too you know it doesn't stop it

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because those things obviously happen like an octopus one tentacle at a time it's not

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so overt but you you know it will assist you

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and seeing things in people having red flags having whatever it is like

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and guys standards are going to turn some people off

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and you have to be okay with that that's doing yourself a favor

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if some if you communicate your standards correctly guys i don't know

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if you're watching this podcast you know i'm a high maintenance girly like i'm not

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so high maintenance i do i will say i make myself

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see more high maintenance than i am at the start just to see how far that The guy can push it.

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Yeah but i the same woman could experience dates

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that i've been on and be like oh that was

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so disappointing but i look at it and like wow he really fumbled

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that you know it's the outlook of

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that i'm not like oh my god like yeah i'm the

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one who's choosing like i don't want to speak to this person again

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and it's it's it's the way that you see the situation like if you it's so true

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if you just allow someone to earn value in your life

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and stop being so enamored and wowed by a man who's not earned being enamored

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and wowed and this is what goes into the self -value thing

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because a woman who's high value

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and knows she's a valuable person isn't going to be wowed by the minimum she's just not totally

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and i'm telling you guys like once you change your outlook

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and once you do the inner work

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and once you know how to communicate your standards

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if anyone has any questions on like certain messages you can send

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or any sort of predicaments like let me know i can help in some kind of way hopefully

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but yeah yeah it's some women i hear them some girls

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and i'm like wow like you really will put up put up with

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that that's crazy i think we need to start seeing like

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men's poor behavior as a turn off instead of it being

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a disappointment like you said it's like why do we get

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so upset he's only a favor behavior it's like ciao on to the next there are

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so many people on this planet we get hooked by this one person

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and most of the time it's very surface level we've only known them a few weeks

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and we get like so enthralled by the behavior or lack thereof

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and it's just like child

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and just ask yourself like with this man like would you

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want your son to be like him would you want your

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daughter to be raised by a man like him like what is making

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so many important decisions that we're like accepting the feminine behavior

465

but if you want this long -term partnership with them why would you put up with

466

that and they're treating you like this now what about

467

when you're pregnant what about when you're older what about

468

when your parents get older what about

469

when you know life is difficult like you want to be with the right person

470

so stop crying about some loser

471

that like god did you the favor of taking out of your life well

472

so the more you give him excuses

473

and the time of day he's just gonna literally he's just

474

like playing around with you like your little puppy like you're

475

just there on the side i'm gonna talk to you

476

when i want i'm gonna do what i want it's like you just become last in line

477

and sitting there wondering why he's not delivering you all the things

478

that you want he doesn't see you as valuable which is shit

479

but so like something about me is i obviously present myself in a hypersexual way um

480

and i know it's very easy for a man to view

481

me sexually guys winning a guy over sexually is the easiest

482

thing it's the easiest thing to do any woman anything with

483

a pulse the table this mic could win a man over winning him sexually is very easy

484

so i never ever allow conversations to turn sexual to even insinuate things like

485

that like nothing a little bit cheeky yeah a little bit cheeky

486

but nothing in

487

that regard until a very long time 100 a very very

488

long time until there is a deep emotional connection with

489

that person and if some

490

if a woman is going to cry about oh man just sees me as a body

491

and blah blah but i don't want to be mean

492

but have you shown him that you're anything

493

but a body do you have any responsibility in that

494

or are we gonna you know like or again see

495

that it's a turnoff if he's like that

496

if he's genuinely like very hypersexual and you're not

497

or he's very like touchy -feely or just very sleazy why is

498

that not like a gross thing why does it seem like

499

as he only sees me this way it's like no but

500

if a guy after the date was like you know come back to mine

501

or whatever i would just say like as attracted as i

502

am to you it takes me a really long time to like connect with someone in

503

that way so um i'm not ready for something like that

504

so but if you'd like to go on another date like let me know

505

or whatever like letting him know

506

that like you're not some prude you know a bit of hair a bit of leg touching goes you know

507

when he laughs like break that seal touch him a little bit um

508

but yeah letting him know that that's not something

509

that he you know that's it takes you a

510

while even extra yeah yeah 100 also i feel like we

511

stop giving men excuses for shitty behavior like we sit there he sends a message

512

and it all of a sudden has 50 meanings

513

and we're not actually looking at it what it actually means

514

but like well maybe he means this maybe he means

515

that it's like no more deriving meaning

516

that goes back to the same thing too much time yeah

517

too much time babes too much time you need to get

518

more friends you need to go to the library you need

519

to join yeah like a charity group you need to be doing other things like you cannot be

520

so mentally encapsulated by a man to that level

521

but why don't we and it's never a guy

522

that they're dating it's a guy that knows for like two weeks true

523

and it's like how is someone two weeks taking

524

so much of your mental like space i don't know i

525

i'm i'm very confused by the whole concept why do we

526

give things like beyond surface level meaning though as i feel like lots of women these days they're like try

527

and extract the most from a man's behavior is very obvious it's very direct

528

and then we take that and we're like but maybe it means this

529

but maybe it means

530

that you see it all over tiktok it's like girl no it means what it means it's

531

because women are like that you know generally women like they're more i guess um

532

sibling sibling and cryptic with their stuff so they assume

533

that men are the same but we glide over the fact

534

that it's like a known fact that men don't function like

535

that men will tell you exactly how to how it is and

536

if he wants you you will know they will be knowing like what maybe means this maybe i should wait

537

because he means this i should give him a second chance like no no

538

so lexi what are some of your standards for me i'm

539

a comms girl i need a good morning text i need

540

to to touch base during the day yes he's a busy man

541

if he's a busy man and he should be because i like

542

that then when he can

543

but making the time to communicate with me as a busy man i think to me is

544

so valuable and like you've got a really busy schedule you're a hustler

545

and you find the time you carve out just

546

that little space to connect with me

547

and see how i am i love it yeah i guess another standard for me is having like time

548

and space for my family because i i'm greek

549

and my boyfriend's australian and i know for a fact that

550

if he had shown any disdain towards my family

551

or like i know sometimes why people find it weird that you spend so much time with your family

552

i think if like he it was a concept he got used to

553

but he's never said like i'm not gonna do

554

that i'm not hanging out with your family and

555

if he did that's a standard that i personally couldn't cope with

556

and one more for me would be effort like to first

557

few dates to plan it out to think about me

558

and what i like and where i want to go

559

and just put the effort in to show me

560

that you actually care you actually want to take me somewhere

561

you actually want to show me something you actually listen to what i like

562

and want to enthrall me that way i think it's really important i love

563

that they're really really good standards i feel like mine i

564

can't really pinpoint like a specific standards it's more about i

565

would agree like feeling like a priority to him um

566

that he this whole elusive too cool nonchalant blase i like someone who doesn't sweat the small stuff in general

567

so they can be like that generally they're more nonchalant they're like whatever babe i love

568

that because i'm like that but not with love and passion

569

and desire love passion desire needs to be at full force

570

if he can see me for five minutes

571

that day he will see me for five minutes that day even

572

if it's he'll just drive to my house pick me up from around the corner

573

so dad doesn't see

574

but like pick me up from the corner of my house

575

go for a drive with me you know take just if

576

because i'm busy i've got my own life

577

so he's going to find a way to just even see me for like 10 minutes

578

if you can or like five minutes or plan this thing

579

or whatever but on the days that just a real eagerness

580

and i like that someone who like chases with conviction

581

and like desire

582

and like i can't breathe with breathe without you yeah um

583

that's a pretty high standard um another standard of mine would be that he

584

is a gentleman a gentleman in all kinds of ways a gentleman where he you know

585

if there's a last piece on the table he wants me to eat it before himself

586

if he there's traffic he's standing on the side of the

587

traffic he wants to make my life easier he wants to pick me up he wants to

588

he really cares about me you know did you eat today like things like

589

that i love that in a person that's cute yeah and

590

that yeah um and last one god i guess you

591

and i are the same in like different fonts is

592

that he cares about my family more than he cares about me yeah

593

so i always say the key to my heart is my family

594

so like guys i've gone on dates with

595

when they bring something for my sister

596

or like you know one of my exes whenever he was

597

sending me flowers he'd always send flowers for my sister

598

or whatever like i love

599

that that's the key to my heart i'm very very very simple in

600

that way like you show love and attention to

601

that stuff like i'm gonna be like daddy like let's have

602

a baby it's for modern dating we're gonna do rapid fire

603

now it's modern dating there's a feature on hinge where apparently

604

all of like the super hotties in the area go to a thing called a rose jail

605

and as a woman you have to hand them a rose

606

to be able to speak to them it's not gross it's

607

like the bachelor that's crazy please take my rose like no i wonder

608

if they're doing that because women aren't answering

609

and just there for validation i don't know babe

610

but i just think like for me starting on the wrong

611

foot yeah personally yeah that's icky it's for modern dating

612

when he sits on the side of the booth

613

and doesn't offer it to you yeah because i'll do the whole back

614

and forth he'll be like you take it i'll take it

615

no you take it no you take it no you just sits there

616

and doesn't even bat an eyelid i'm like oh yeah it's modern dating

617

and you're gonna love this one

618

when he's like oh you're dressed up you're looking dressy it's

619

like am i i feel like i personally not experienced

620

that i feel like if you're asking me on a date yeah too you know that about me but i

621

get that in day to day like especially in australia

622

because we think getting dressed up is like reserved for like weddings

623

and formal things we leave the house in activewear

624

so to put on a nice dress to go somewhere i

625

remember it's been warm recently i've got really nice sundresses

626

that i love wearing and it's warm and i want to the market and everyone was like

627

like is everyone because you're beautiful yeah like some yeah

628

but you could tell some of the he didn't get stank

629

face from all women yeah i'm like soz girl sorry girl i hate

630

that ix promoting dating when he acts like really blase i'm really nonchalant

631

and really just like it's almost like he doesn't want to

632

be there too cool like didn't you ask me to come

633

like isn't this like very like yeah i think that's

634

so gross when there's like a lack of admiration passion i went on a date last week

635

and the guy was so complimenting

636

and um he was saying i was like i was telling him how much i loved how he complimented me

637

and he was like well i'm

638

so lucky to be out with you of course i'm gonna make you feel amazing i'm such a

639

and i'm like that's the way you go about it totally you make her feel special

640

and yeah that's just so weird that men don't do

641

that i know in this country it's like normal to to

642

not like wow your woman up i know it's very normal

643

to be like hey i think some guys do it as

644

a manipulation technique where they don't want you to feel

645

so amazing because that'll get like a wounded woman

646

because she'll like fight for his approval fight for his desire think there's something wrong with her my ratty ex -boyfriend

647

and so she'll constantly shift

648

and change just trying to beg for men will bag a beautiful woman

649

and bring her down to their level instead of lifting her

650

up to like keep her there do you reckon that's right

651

right yeah for sure it's modern dating letting a guy do whatever he wants

652

and still being there still being like i'm available for you to take me out whenever it's like girl put

653

that foot down

654

or say swipe left like whatever it is just next next

655

next next next next guys there's a lot of people on this earth like there's a lot of people

656

and life is too short to be spending time with men

657

who don't appreciate you make you feel bad don't value you don't whatever now i do think

658

that you can as we were saying in this episode like you can act in certain ways

659

that like push yeah men to value you more um sometimes you're not doing yourself any favors but

660

um yeah icky icky it's for modern dating like a tit

661

-for -tat mentality i scratch my back you scratch yours having some mental invoice of like everything

662

that each other's have done

663

and being like oh my god this you get the next round

664

that rap was a bit like

665

that really towards the middle like towards like we've been together for like quite a bit at

666

that point i remember we went down to the morning to potential

667

and it was very like

668

that it's like i've got the accommodation therefore baby sent me a bill yeah do you remember

669

that you literally invoiced me for a holiday

670

like half a half of it be specific of who you're

671

talking about my ratty ex -boyfriend obviously not my current ex

672

-boyfriend my little rat of an ex -boyfriend you know that t -top is like

673

him not my boyfriend um he literally invoiced me for our fucking holiday babe like we came back

674

and he's like emailed me an invoice

675

but you know then i'm thinking like let's see why did you pay it

676

because i was abused for him i literally had no self -worth at

677

that point i was like a little fucking leaf on the

678

ground i hate tip it out also it's this country right

679

because we feel like it's not that common

680

but we saw this tiktok the other day

681

when she was asking people on the street we split 50

682

50 all the ethnics were like no fucking way other aussies

683

were like yeah you scratch my back i scratch yours 50 50 fair play like ew

684

so crazy all the women that was like the like the white women

685

that were like yeah want to pay my way she wouldn't

686

be able to pay my way it's like maybe you girl

687

but don't ruin it for the rest of us like yeah that's such ungentleman like gentleman like disgusting behavior

688

and the thing is that would be setting a standard right

689

so i wanted a date in berlin many years ago with a very very very cute man

690

and i can't remember what happened i know he paid the bill

691

but something was really cheap about the date really cheap he acted in some kind of way

692

and it really turned me off and so i never spoke to him again

693

and then i went back to berlin a couple years later

694

and he'd literally like planned the craziest date fight

695

and it was his way of like redeeming himself he's like

696

and he kept reflecting on that time because he would have gone over

697

and over in his head but yeah that's the thing like

698

if someone acts in a certain type of way i'll just alter my behavior towards them

699

but if i care about them enough i'll you know set my standard in a cheeky way

700

but if i don't babe next like next next next next next we talk about

701

that feeling of getting an ick mid -date

702

it's honestly the worst yeah you're sitting there like fuck i actually feel unwell i haven't had

703

that for ages yeah i haven't interviewed us

704

but i remember being younger by the whole point

705

so i was like get me out of here

706

and like yeah i don't know how people do the fake like escape thing like you i can't do that

707

but what i'll do is like worse yeah you you you

708

like i'll make it the best day of their life

709

if i'm here already and we're doing it like let's make it great

710

and they'll leave the day and be like

711

that was amazing i'm like i carried

712

that entire guys this is also something you need to remember sometimes we romanticize people

713

but think about were you the person that made that occasion

714

that relationship whatever amazing

715

because a lot of the times you were making the jokes

716

you were bringing the vibe you were bringing the humor don't underestimate yourself i know

717

that in some dates and social situations like i am the vibe

718

and then to turn around and be like oh

719

that was great was it great because of him was a great because of me

720

that's that's it's true though because i know i know

721

when i'm not into i know when i'm not into i'm guys

722

if i'm not into a date i will bring on a show like it's like becoming broadway at

723

that point bringing the jokes bringing the humor bringing whatever

724

and yeah and then they'll and i'll be like wow i really did

725

that i really saved that because we're there anyways but like is

726

that bad no babe i want to know like what excuses people use to get out of them

727

because i know people make up these fake things like oh

728

mom's called me i'm out like i've got like an emergency i'm like i could never do that really

729

so uncomfortable like we are both bad liars yeah like raquel

730

cannot lie to save us off we played this game once

731

where you had to like pretend like who was the robber

732

or not it was a drinking game in greece

733

and she was like i'm not the robot it's babe it's

734

so i'm a horrible liar also i'm very expressive with my face yeah

735

so i show everything like I wear my emotions on my face that's

736

that also helps setting standards because someone can clearly see

737

if I'm not about something or

738

if I'm like wow you know anyways hope this you guys enjoyed this episode

739

and bye for now we'll see you next week yeah

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이 레슨의 어휘와 말하기 포인트

이 B2 수준 말하기 레슨은 영상 “Sugar & Spice Podcast”을(를) 바탕으로 합니다. 이 영상에는 섀도잉할 문장 739개와 단어 8727개가 있습니다. 말하는 구간의 길이는 41:40입니다. 화자는 분당 약 209단어로 빠르게 말하므로 연음과 약하게 발음되는 소리가 많습니다. 단어의 87%가 영어에서 가장 많이 쓰이는 3,000단어에 속해 어휘가 쉬운 편입니다.

이 영상의 핵심 어휘

영상에서 가장 어려운 단어 15개를 발음, 뜻과 함께 정리했습니다.

단어	발음	뜻
gentleman 명사	/ˈd͡ʒɛn.təl.mən/	신사, 젠틀맨
vibe 명사	/vaɪb/	분위기
invoice 명사	/ˈɪnˌvɔɪs/	송장, 인보이스
scratch 동사	/skɹæt͡ʃ/	긁다, 할퀴다
headache 명사	/ˈhɛdeɪk/	두통
passive 형용사	/ˈpæs.ɪv/	수동태
unfair 형용사	/ʌnˈfɛɚ/	불공평하다
sibling 명사	/ˈsɪb.lɪŋ/	형제, 형제자매
masculine 형용사	/ˈmæskjələn/	남자다운
humour 명사	/ˈhjuːmɚ/	유머, 해학
feminine 형용사	/ˈfɛmɪnɪn/	여자답다, 녀자답다
risky 형용사	/ˈɹɪski/	위험한
illusion 명사	/ɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/	환상
execute 동사	/ˈɛksɪˌkjuːt/	처형하다
loser 명사	/luzɚ/	패자, 분실자

영상에 나오는 구동사

단어	뜻
go out 동사	나가다
turn around 동사	회전하다
come back 동사	돌아오다
pull out 동사	회수(回收)하다
turn off 동사	끄다, 턴오프하다

이 영상의 문법

화자가 가장 많이 쓰는 문형을 영상 속 실제 표현과 함께 정리했습니다.

문형	영상 속 표현
조건문 if + 절, will/would + 동사 — 조건과 그 결과	if i told raquel she would call · if he left me i would be · if he wants you you will know
현재완료 have/has + 과거분사 — 과거의 일이 지금도 관련이 있을 때	have allowed · we've put · haven't been taught
수동태 be + 과거분사 — 누가 하는지보다 무슨 일이 일어나는지에 초점	be treated · being forced · been taught
관계절 who / which + 절 — 사람이나 사물에 대한 추가 정보	woman who has · anyone who is · women who have

주의할 발음

화자는 I'm, don't, you're 같은 축약형과 약화된 형태를 329번 사용합니다. 들리는 대로 짧게 발음하세요.

“sh”와 “zh” 소리: nonchalant /ˌnɑn.ʃəˈlɑnt/, illusion /ɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, accommodation /əˌkɒm.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, conviction /kənˈvɪkʃən/
긴 단어 — 강세 위치에 주의: amazingly /əˈmeɪzɪŋli/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, accountability /əˌkaʊn.təˈbɪl.ə.ti/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, disappointment /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/

이 영상으로 연습하는 방법

먼저 말하지 않고 영상을 끝까지 듣고 모르는 단어를 적어 둡니다.
0.75배속으로 한 문장씩 섀도잉을 시작하고, 익숙해지면 보통 속도로 돌아갑니다.
자신의 목소리를 녹음해 원본과 비교하고, gentleman, vibe, invoice 같은 단어에 특히 주의합니다.

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법

쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.

섀도잉 방법: 단계별 전체 가이드 읽기 →

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