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hey guys and welcome back to sugar
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and spice this week we're talking about something super interesting
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which is why do men love beaches why do they like beaches why do they marry beaches
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um i don't think it's i think the author was talking about how it's not actually this
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pejorative defamatory kind of female dog it's this encapsulation of like
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a woman who has standards who's very sure of herself who will pull back
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if things don't serve her um who has her own life her own values her own goals
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and is it going to stick around for shitty behavior
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which i think is so common these days
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and obviously we know men are like that's why it's
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so common but i feel like on the other side we see
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so many beautiful women around us who just like let guys
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no i'm done i'm actually done with the sob story of
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like men are shit you let people treat you how you
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want to be treated yeah it's like a sense of i'm sorry this is going to sound really bad but
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if you are the type of person who's going to stick
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around for a guy treating you badly people would treat you
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the way you allow them to treat you i'm sorry like that's
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and i don't mean about abuse victims because
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that happens over time right yeah
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but some people will literally accept the bare minimum yeah
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and then cry about it how life is unfair babes like why did you accept
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that yeah there's no like you're not being forced into
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that situation yeah so i'm i don't know i'm just like
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that i think there is i think one guy can treat a girl a certain way and treat another woman
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completely differently you see it all the time yeah it's actually
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crazy like breaks up with his ex of like six years
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and all of a sudden the new girl is like getting absolutely everything
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and married and kids and all the things um
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but yeah i think i think it's very easy to be a victim of your situation
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and be like oh my god men treat me badly
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and life is unfair and blah blah
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but i think it's really important to think about how do you add to
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that scenario what are you accepting from people how people viewing you because of the way that you were portraying yourself
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what standard are you projecting onto the world yeah
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because i don't buy it
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that it's just this like i think men have over time worked less hard
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because women have allowed them to work less hard totally totally
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so if you're accepting certain behaviors babes
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when you cry about it like take some responsibility in
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that same facet though we were talking about this other day like australia is a traumatic place a day
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and it's kind of like we have to sometimes accept the bare minimum
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because then they're not really providing anything other than the bare minimum
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but then it's like collectively like why why are we why are people accepting
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that i know like we that that goes into why men marry beaches
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because the beach the girl who has the standards isn't going to stick around for
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that the guy who's giving the bare minimum is not going to get
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that girl he knows he has to work harder yeah in
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other places yeah whereas like i feel like in australia
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because like what comes first the chicken
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or the egg are the men just shit and providing the bare minimum
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and women have therefore learned to kind of put up with it
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because that's literally 97 % of men
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or is it the other way around where it's like we've put up with these shitty standards
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and our men just think they can act any way any
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which way i think this is such a deep question
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but i think with the rise of um with the rise of hookup culture yeah
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and the birth of the contraception pill yeah everything changed yeah wow okay yeah especially in the west yeah true
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because like there's not as many like it's not as risky before it's like
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if you were sleeping with someone you could potentially she could
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be the mother of your child this was risky behavior okay and so
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you know you weren't so and girls weren't you know giving it up in that way
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and not to shape anyone who is guys i'm a very liberal -minded person everyone enjoy their things like um
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if you want to just sleep with a guy sleep with a guy
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if you want to have fun you want to have fun
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but if you want a man to fully commit to you
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and you want to get married and you want to whatever
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you know maybe it's not the wisest option to do
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that with someone you barely know yeah
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if that's what you want from him i get that
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because you don't know him you don't know this person you don't know
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and i want to go into this in a little bit i think
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that you can set the standard with anyone even these low uh effort aussie guys
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and you can get them to turn around
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so it is it is quite doom and gloom in australia
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because you have to raise these men
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because they haven't been taught these certain things my issue isn't with i think
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that australian men can treat women very very well i just don't think they're romantic yeah
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and i don't think that can be taught
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and that's the element i don't like about australian guys i think
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that they can treat women i've dated aussie guy an aussie guy he treated me amazingly i don't think that that's
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like do you think that's
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because you put your standards like he would even tell me i've never treated a woman like this
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and he did with pleasure with absolute pleasure you get into
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that can you tell that story yeah i can't tell
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that story um because this i feel like this has happened to you yeah maybe once
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or twice guys i was given a very i was given
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a cheat sheet in my life i'm a very very lucky woman
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that i was given a father who really raised me to
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have high standards i know that's not the same for everyone
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i had a father not my dad it was my brother
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so both of them really showed me how a man treats a woman
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so i knew that that i already had
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that example i'm my father's princess i already know what what gentleman like behavior is
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so i just get puzzled if if i'm not treated in
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that kind of way this is the thing with standards right
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you see all these women who have amazing guys yeah right
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and you're like wow she's so lucky whatever and you think
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or maybe like
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that woman has the highest standards that's how she got the amazing guys yeah you need to have high standards
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but you need to try to communicate those standards in a
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non -annoying way in a non -naggy way in a way that's like cheeky playful
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and desirable having standards is confidence yeah how you execute the
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standards is competence yeah it's how that's really important you have
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to know how to execute your standards in a cheeky playful way
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that isn't like grabbing someone by the neck
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because then it's just you look it sounds you sound like a headache
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so i was seeing an australian guy
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and we know each other for ages whatever
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and such a gentleman you know okay i will say this
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also this is a very important thing to note i am
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naturally not a needy person in terms of i don't need to see someone all the time
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so i have my own life my friends my family there's
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so many things
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that come before a man i'm not gonna this is the
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thing about men marrying beaches yeah it's the woman who's not
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going to cancel her plans to see the guy yeah this
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woman is like i've got parties in the morning i've got
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this tomorrow i've got this she's not always available to you being always available to someone at their beck
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and call you could you you could illustrate that
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that picture with anyone you're not going to value something that's always there
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it's always what how what's the value in something
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if everyone could buy a pink diamond
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and it was around everywhere the value of it decreases you know
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so I think the whole thing is I was very naturally I'm naturally like
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that so it wasn't like a manipulative game but I've realized
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that that's what really gets guys hooked is
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because I've got my own life my own things going on
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and they kind of have to compete with that
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so they really value the time
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that you get just they get they want to wow you they want to whatever it is um
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so yeah I think that
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and he treated me amazing he always picked me up never
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drove to his house he was such a gentleman always to me he's i mean we don't talk now
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but have all the time in the world for him he's a great person and
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but didn't he say to you like i've like never done
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this before yeah i've never treated a woman like this and i
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and i do it with the utmost pride yeah i don't
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want you to lift a finger i don't want you he's
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just seen the girls he was dating before they drive to
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his house sleep with him in his bed do you know
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whatever he wanted bring him stuff like i literally never lifted a finger with this man
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and he was such yeah he even moved suburbs like yeah yeah yeah
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because i the area was a little bit you know uh whatever
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and a bit dangerous and he was just yeah he was he's a great guy
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but i just think that it's the australian guys the guys
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that we always talk about
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that are low effort you can make them put more effort
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into the situation as long as you have your standards you're high value
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and um you know how to communicate those standards
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and stop rewarding bad behavior 100 we see so many women around us
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so many beautiful intelligent smart sexy like literally have it all
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and we're giving the rats on the street the all the
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excuses in the world for their bad behavior it's like at
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some point we need to actually be like these men are
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low effort these men are shit these men are unromantic they
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don't plan anything like let me give you an example yeah
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if a guy like i go on a date with a guy yeah
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and he wants to take me home right and
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i'm obviously not going to do that because i don't know you
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and yeah whatever if you're like oh no that's
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so disrespectful whatever some the example of this is
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that someone can do something that is not of your standard
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and if you communicate
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that in a cheeky light way you've communicated your standard it gets him guessing
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but it's also not so much of a headache i don't think people know how to do
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that yeah totally i don't think people it's either you betray yourself
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and you accept a low effort
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or you go the other way where you are a bit
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too extreme in your doctrine in the what you're you know like storage yeah
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and it's like no one wants to treat you well after
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that yeah it becomes like yeah gun to head type of vibe like
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that sounds like a headache i'm already you know in terms of like flipping
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that and like rather than not asserting Thank you standards we give them excuses like we're like oh
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but like he's like not said this to me
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but he said this to me and i think this means this
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and it's like
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if the behavior is not direct it just gives the same
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energy desperate low value you don't like value your own time babe
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when you're busy
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and you're naturally just like i'm getting my hair done i'm
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doing getting my nails done i'm going to work i'm going to the gym i'm doing pottery i'm doing yoga
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i'm going to church i'm spending time with my family why do you have
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so much time to obsess about a man yeah like this
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is this is the whole thing it said someone earns your thoughts thoughts your time exactly 100
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but it's like girls are like he took a breath next
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to me let me change my whole identity for him like
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i think you need to do the inner work before you
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even think about a guy yeah it's you just spoke about
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like having like a really strong male figure like on the opposite side of the coin
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that spies sugar i didn't and i know
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but like this ties into doing the inner work i feel like my previous relationship
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so defined by this absence and this abandonment
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that you become like the doormat
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because you're like they're gonna leave me this is me
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and my ex so we're doing like flip the switch now i was
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that girl i wasn't a beach i was a doormat and
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because this guy like fully loved by me i was like fully wowed by it
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and it wasn't even that amazing now that i look back on it
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because that's how low my standards were how did it happen he was mind you he was abusive
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so i feel like the mental abuse made me a doormat
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but he would do shit to me i wouldn't tell anyone
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because i was embarrassed and i knew
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if i told raquel she would call me out
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and be like why are you accepting that behavior
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but i made my standards like literally on the floor like i didn't have any
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and he he treated me like shit broke up with me and it's
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that typical trope of like the really hot successful smart woman starts dating a rat of a man
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and he fucks her over yeah
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and it's kind of like how does this happen it happens
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through having literally no standards i know he didn't respect me towards the end
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because i had none but at the same time he was an abusive piece of shit
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so let's think someone so beautiful
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and amazing like lexi like the only way a man like your ex could have access to you is
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if honestly that there were self -esteem issues with you you know what i mean like a guy like
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that would never have a chance to get with you
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and then on top of that and on top of
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that not only did he have a chance with lexi he
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had the leg up on lexi no no they just stuffed
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it up he had the leg up he had lexi chasing him
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and this is the thing like in only some weird alternative reality could
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that have ever happened but this this comes down to i think
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that him or just anyone even like a good person
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or like not something like that i think that
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when you let a man know that you will always be there through his
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and i'm not talking about your marriage because everyone relax like for better
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and for worse i'm just saying like someone you're dating he's
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doing horrible things he's not a man of his word he's
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changing plans he's messaging you late at night instead of like making proper plans with you
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he's making you feel bad about yourself whatever it is
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and you're still accepting it you're still chasing him you're still
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like wanting to catch up with him you're always available to
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him like of course he's going to be like treating you badly you know gross
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when you say that because
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that was literally me yeah my ex -boyfriend was a rat like
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when you look at him you're like like just physically disgusting
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but like what makes it worse is his soul was disgusting
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which made him even uglier and when you put
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if you put a side by side you would literally be like how
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and it was because i had probably a lot of self -esteem issues at
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that point don't really know why i think he created them
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in me here's the thing about abusive men though they'll make you self -conscious
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and then they'll make you like they'll bring you i'll whittle you down to where you have no standards
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and then it's like they end up doing something horrific i mean i left in the end
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because he did something horrific and it was like okay i need to bounce
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because this is becoming unsafe but yeah the fact
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that he had the power over me is because of my inner self
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and doing the work since then that was nearly four years ago jesus
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so much inner work still grapple with things obviously but
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so much inner work i've got an amazing new boyfriend we've been together nearly three years
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and he treats me amazingly like standards from that maybe that was my lesson
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to learn like how to really enforce my standards 100 yeah you learn from every relationship yeah
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and like you know you want a lot from that i know
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but i could say like i need all of
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that did i need all of that like ew i just think
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that like yeah in a relationship dynamic between a man
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and a woman um a woman should always be chased like
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forever till the end like the man should never feel
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so comfortable as that the woman has absolutely and
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that goes to the same thing with like even women who
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choose to be stay -at -home mothers i think always need
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to have money behind them whether it's passive income whether it's
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something like not to be fully reliant on a man yeah fully devoted to a man i don't know
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that could never be me like giving him absolute power in
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that kind of way no i wouldn't do it he'd always have to feel
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that if he left me i would be totally fine being completely passive
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and too polite will always kind of leave you in the dirt
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but here's where i struggle right because i'm naturally i'm not saying you're not
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but i'm naturally like a very warm nice nice like human
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like i feel like my energy is like light pink like i'm very like warm
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and fuzzy and loving and like very cutesy like i don't really have
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that like okay but someone that doesn't mean that you're not loving cutesy
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but no no every guy i've been with
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and i quote will say they've never been loved i would do
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but how do you still be not like you can still be nice
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and loving and have standards true true true true
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and you're the more the the greater a man is the nicer loving i become right and then
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when he disappoints me in any kind of way i naturally
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subtract yeah it's the masculine i just i've just always naturally been like
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that i'm only impressed by things that are impressive
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and things i'm not like you know you give me a little little
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crumb
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and i'm like oh my god he sent me a good
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morning text like minimum babe like it's actually the minimum i know isn't
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that though like shit man up yeah
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but you can get him to send you the good morning text in a playful way by setting
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that standard that you like whatever without being like why aren't you sending me a text message for example
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if you messaged that late afternoon i would just say like oh my god i was
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so worried i thought something happened to you didn't send me
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a good morning message no it's playful it's cute it's cheeky
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it's not why didn't you send me a message i feel
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like there's just a natural way of being like playful
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and loving and making someone want to do those things with
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that yeah for you without you know yeah press them up against the wall
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because no one wants to do
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that yeah agreed totally agreed like i was going to set the SWAT team out for you like i was
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so worried you know like it's just cute yeah yeah i
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think it's all it's all a balance life is all about balance and i think that you
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have to we're going to do an episode on confidence
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because i think that it needs a whole episode by itself yeah
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but you need to deepen the connection with yourself that's the most important thing you'll ever have
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and you need to have your own life like you need
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to have your own passions your own dreams your own things i think
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that when you give that all up too soon
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and you're willing to just like forfeit everything for a guy
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like he messages you you're meant to have dinner plans
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and he doesn't message you all throughout the day no
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and then he messages you at like four o 'clock
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and then he's like okay we'll do it we'll go to this place babe
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if you're gonna go to
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that dinner like sorry to be mean are you such a loser
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that you had no other option of doing something else instead
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i would be like oh my god sorry babe i didn't
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hear from you all day i actually made some plans
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because i didn't know if you wanted to see me yeah
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so it's like letting him know babes you can't message me an hour
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or two before whatever not giving me direction of what we're doing yeah telling me what time anything is
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and i'm just going to be like yep got nothing better
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to do yeah you're the first thing on my priority
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and it lets him know like okay wow i've got to
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like work to be this you know someone valuable to her
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i've got to work to like to take some of her
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time my time's not 100 available to you i've got other other things in my life you know
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so if you don't have that make
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that like 100 % just lie oh yeah you could also
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lie you can create the illusion like it isn't like
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if you haven't made other plans you can still bail on
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it yeah yeah without being like yeah actually still have nothing
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to do like just set the standard 100 % also like does it play into
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that concept of allowing men to be hunters
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and allowing like them to yeah like what's it called traditional concepts of masculine
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and feminine totally i think that you can't be too passive in
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that like you're still gonna be cheeky you're still gonna let them know
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that like you are so appreciative of the things that you do
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that they do for you maybe even make a suggestion of something potentially
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that you like maybe remember something that happened
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or like compliment him it's a given pool you know i
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think some people just like you know on the other end want to be wowed a bit too much
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and i think there is like
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because then you know no man wants to feel fully used
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and fully like taken advantage of because that'll that's what some of them will feel
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if it's just especially in australia because there's no culture for
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that you know like in other parts of the world
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if i put out my wallet to pay for something with a lebanese man i think he'd be
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so offended he'd probably never speak to me again like it's offensive yeah it's a deep culturally
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embedded thing
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that a man takes a woman out he looks at it's
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offensive to a man to pull out your wallet rather than in australia i think
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if you're going out for dinner a woman should offer the
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man should pay do you remember like we went out once with a friend of ours
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talking about like the demanding side of things do you remember we went out
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and we were like talking this was like three
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or four years ago and we were talking to a group of boys next to us
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and because we were talking to them for an hour
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or two she was like you've got to pay our bill do you remember that no don't you remember that at
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oh this is on the other side of the spectrum this is what happened we were at a restaurant yeah
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and i was sitting down with the girls with lexi
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and a bunch of other girls and this guy was trying to speak to me
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and i was like old man like no not the vibe
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and then he kept trying to come over
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and talk to us we'll talk to me
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and then my one of my friends was like
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if you want her attention you've got to pay for our bill
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and i was like babe don't ever speak on behalf of me
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and make me so cheap to a man to make him think
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that he can buy me like no that's obviously not how it is plus the guy was gross old
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and like no like my grandfather's age and like letting him think
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that like you could pay to have no that's why did you bring
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that up we're talking about like demand like like putting the demands on a man like
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that oh yeah like the staunchness of
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that is crazy like you can't be like pay fish like it's just not no no
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but i feel like that was someone also learning her standards
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but it was the wrong execution yeah entirely like we don't
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just go around demanding men pay for our bills that's not the vibe that's gross also like
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if you're not into a guy and like
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because the thing is guys everything comes with strings attached nothing
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is free in this life as my mother says like every time
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that a man gives you something or does something for you it's
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because you know there's an expectation on the other end so
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if i don't genuinely like someone i'm not letting him pay for i'm not giving him the illusion
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that he has access to me because i'm
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so cheap i can't afford totally like you know a bill like that's traumatic
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and i'm sure there's some women on the hustle each to their own
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but like i'm not about that life i think it's really important
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and we'll do this confidence episode
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but it's very important to take the steps to be a confident person
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and think about the type of man that we want
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right and what are the standards
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that we actually want like what actually makes us feel loved
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because someone can love you all day and it could be in a way
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that you don't receive love so you won't feel loved
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so no one knows you off by heart no one just
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you know they don't like they can't read your mind
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so doing that classical woman thing of like internalizing it being upset about it
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and like you know is not the right way to go
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about it you need to learn how to communicate standards
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so know what your standards are yeah know what they are yeah
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and know how to communicate them
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and just never make a man feel too comfortable that's like
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the rule of life ladies like never make a man feel
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too comfortable like set your standards this is how it is
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what advice would you give women who just believe they're typically unlucky with love i think with everything it's
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so easy to look on the outside with anything in life
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and to see like why is this world unfair to me
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i'm a victim of my circumstance i've always had bad men around me my dad failed me my whatever
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and it's very easy to look at those things
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but you have to also think about like what are you doing
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that is also not helping your situation what can you change what is there about you
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that maybe is also adding to
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you know to this issue like what are you speaking in
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a certain way are you giving yourself up too easy are
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you like there is there is some self -accountability here you
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know as we were saying before two women can meet the same guy
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and get treated very differently from both yeah um
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and i know it's hard i know it's hard it's not
416
easy anymore men don't court you in the same way they
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don't come to your house with flowers they don't ask your dad permission they don't do all those things
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but just know ladies you can get all of those things
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and more from a man by knowing how to communicate
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that those are the things that you need you know like totally that's very important
421
so you just you've got to do the inner work like
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that's number one you've got to do the inner work you've got to
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because then it also it stops you from i guess it
424
helps you from um being protected from being in abusive relationships too you know it doesn't stop it
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because those things obviously happen like an octopus one tentacle at a time it's not
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so overt but you you know it will assist you
427
and seeing things in people having red flags having whatever it is like
428
and guys standards are going to turn some people off
429
and you have to be okay with that that's doing yourself a favor
430
if some if you communicate your standards correctly guys i don't know
431
if you're watching this podcast you know i'm a high maintenance girly like i'm not
432
so high maintenance i do i will say i make myself
433
see more high maintenance than i am at the start just to see how far that The guy can push it.
434
Yeah but i the same woman could experience dates
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that i've been on and be like oh that was
436
so disappointing but i look at it and like wow he really fumbled
437
that you know it's the outlook of
438
that i'm not like oh my god like yeah i'm the
439
one who's choosing like i don't want to speak to this person again
440
and it's it's it's the way that you see the situation like if you it's so true
441
if you just allow someone to earn value in your life
442
and stop being so enamored and wowed by a man who's not earned being enamored
443
and wowed and this is what goes into the self -value thing
444
because a woman who's high value
445
and knows she's a valuable person isn't going to be wowed by the minimum she's just not totally
446
and i'm telling you guys like once you change your outlook
447
and once you do the inner work
448
and once you know how to communicate your standards
449
if anyone has any questions on like certain messages you can send
450
or any sort of predicaments like let me know i can help in some kind of way hopefully
451
but yeah yeah it's some women i hear them some girls
452
and i'm like wow like you really will put up put up with
453
that that's crazy i think we need to start seeing like
454
men's poor behavior as a turn off instead of it being
455
a disappointment like you said it's like why do we get
456
so upset he's only a favor behavior it's like ciao on to the next there are
457
so many people on this planet we get hooked by this one person
458
and most of the time it's very surface level we've only known them a few weeks
459
and we get like so enthralled by the behavior or lack thereof
460
and it's just like child
461
and just ask yourself like with this man like would you
462
want your son to be like him would you want your
463
daughter to be raised by a man like him like what is making
464
so many important decisions that we're like accepting the feminine behavior
465
but if you want this long -term partnership with them why would you put up with
466
that and they're treating you like this now what about
467
when you're pregnant what about when you're older what about
468
when your parents get older what about
469
when you know life is difficult like you want to be with the right person
470
so stop crying about some loser
471
that like god did you the favor of taking out of your life well
472
so the more you give him excuses
473
and the time of day he's just gonna literally he's just
474
like playing around with you like your little puppy like you're
475
just there on the side i'm gonna talk to you
476
when i want i'm gonna do what i want it's like you just become last in line
477
and sitting there wondering why he's not delivering you all the things
478
that you want he doesn't see you as valuable which is shit
479
but so like something about me is i obviously present myself in a hypersexual way um
480
and i know it's very easy for a man to view
481
me sexually guys winning a guy over sexually is the easiest
482
thing it's the easiest thing to do any woman anything with
483
a pulse the table this mic could win a man over winning him sexually is very easy
484
so i never ever allow conversations to turn sexual to even insinuate things like
485
that like nothing a little bit cheeky yeah a little bit cheeky
486
but nothing in
487
that regard until a very long time 100 a very very
488
long time until there is a deep emotional connection with
489
that person and if some
490
if a woman is going to cry about oh man just sees me as a body
491
and blah blah but i don't want to be mean
492
but have you shown him that you're anything
493
but a body do you have any responsibility in that
494
or are we gonna you know like or again see
495
that it's a turnoff if he's like that
496
if he's genuinely like very hypersexual and you're not
497
or he's very like touchy -feely or just very sleazy why is
498
that not like a gross thing why does it seem like
499
as he only sees me this way it's like no but
500
if a guy after the date was like you know come back to mine
501
or whatever i would just say like as attracted as i
502
am to you it takes me a really long time to like connect with someone in
503
that way so um i'm not ready for something like that
504
so but if you'd like to go on another date like let me know
505
or whatever like letting him know
506
that like you're not some prude you know a bit of hair a bit of leg touching goes you know
507
when he laughs like break that seal touch him a little bit um
508
but yeah letting him know that that's not something
509
that he you know that's it takes you a
510
while even extra yeah yeah 100 also i feel like we
511
stop giving men excuses for shitty behavior like we sit there he sends a message
512
and it all of a sudden has 50 meanings
513
and we're not actually looking at it what it actually means
514
but like well maybe he means this maybe he means
515
that it's like no more deriving meaning
516
that goes back to the same thing too much time yeah
517
too much time babes too much time you need to get
518
more friends you need to go to the library you need
519
to join yeah like a charity group you need to be doing other things like you cannot be
520
so mentally encapsulated by a man to that level
521
but why don't we and it's never a guy
522
that they're dating it's a guy that knows for like two weeks true
523
and it's like how is someone two weeks taking
524
so much of your mental like space i don't know i
525
i'm i'm very confused by the whole concept why do we
526
give things like beyond surface level meaning though as i feel like lots of women these days they're like try
527
and extract the most from a man's behavior is very obvious it's very direct
528
and then we take that and we're like but maybe it means this
529
but maybe it means
530
that you see it all over tiktok it's like girl no it means what it means it's
531
because women are like that you know generally women like they're more i guess um
532
sibling sibling and cryptic with their stuff so they assume
533
that men are the same but we glide over the fact
534
that it's like a known fact that men don't function like
535
that men will tell you exactly how to how it is and
536
if he wants you you will know they will be knowing like what maybe means this maybe i should wait
537
because he means this i should give him a second chance like no no
538
so lexi what are some of your standards for me i'm
539
a comms girl i need a good morning text i need
540
to to touch base during the day yes he's a busy man
541
if he's a busy man and he should be because i like
542
that then when he can
543
but making the time to communicate with me as a busy man i think to me is
544
so valuable and like you've got a really busy schedule you're a hustler
545
and you find the time you carve out just
546
that little space to connect with me
547
and see how i am i love it yeah i guess another standard for me is having like time
548
and space for my family because i i'm greek
549
and my boyfriend's australian and i know for a fact that
550
if he had shown any disdain towards my family
551
or like i know sometimes why people find it weird that you spend so much time with your family
552
i think if like he it was a concept he got used to
553
but he's never said like i'm not gonna do
554
that i'm not hanging out with your family and
555
if he did that's a standard that i personally couldn't cope with
556
and one more for me would be effort like to first
557
few dates to plan it out to think about me
558
and what i like and where i want to go
559
and just put the effort in to show me
560
that you actually care you actually want to take me somewhere
561
you actually want to show me something you actually listen to what i like
562
and want to enthrall me that way i think it's really important i love
563
that they're really really good standards i feel like mine i
564
can't really pinpoint like a specific standards it's more about i
565
would agree like feeling like a priority to him um
566
that he this whole elusive too cool nonchalant blase i like someone who doesn't sweat the small stuff in general
567
so they can be like that generally they're more nonchalant they're like whatever babe i love
568
that because i'm like that but not with love and passion
569
and desire love passion desire needs to be at full force
570
if he can see me for five minutes
571
that day he will see me for five minutes that day even
572
if it's he'll just drive to my house pick me up from around the corner
573
so dad doesn't see
574
but like pick me up from the corner of my house
575
go for a drive with me you know take just if
576
because i'm busy i've got my own life
577
so he's going to find a way to just even see me for like 10 minutes
578
if you can or like five minutes or plan this thing
579
or whatever but on the days that just a real eagerness
580
and i like that someone who like chases with conviction
581
and like desire
582
and like i can't breathe with breathe without you yeah um
583
that's a pretty high standard um another standard of mine would be that he
584
is a gentleman a gentleman in all kinds of ways a gentleman where he you know
585
if there's a last piece on the table he wants me to eat it before himself
586
if he there's traffic he's standing on the side of the
587
traffic he wants to make my life easier he wants to pick me up he wants to
588
he really cares about me you know did you eat today like things like
589
that i love that in a person that's cute yeah and
590
that yeah um and last one god i guess you
591
and i are the same in like different fonts is
592
that he cares about my family more than he cares about me yeah
593
so i always say the key to my heart is my family
594
so like guys i've gone on dates with
595
when they bring something for my sister
596
or like you know one of my exes whenever he was
597
sending me flowers he'd always send flowers for my sister
598
or whatever like i love
599
that that's the key to my heart i'm very very very simple in
600
that way like you show love and attention to
601
that stuff like i'm gonna be like daddy like let's have
602
a baby it's for modern dating we're gonna do rapid fire
603
now it's modern dating there's a feature on hinge where apparently
604
all of like the super hotties in the area go to a thing called a rose jail
605
and as a woman you have to hand them a rose
606
to be able to speak to them it's not gross it's
607
like the bachelor that's crazy please take my rose like no i wonder
608
if they're doing that because women aren't answering
609
and just there for validation i don't know babe
610
but i just think like for me starting on the wrong
611
foot yeah personally yeah that's icky it's for modern dating
612
when he sits on the side of the booth
613
and doesn't offer it to you yeah because i'll do the whole back
614
and forth he'll be like you take it i'll take it
615
no you take it no you take it no you just sits there
616
and doesn't even bat an eyelid i'm like oh yeah it's modern dating
617
and you're gonna love this one
618
when he's like oh you're dressed up you're looking dressy it's
619
like am i i feel like i personally not experienced
620
that i feel like if you're asking me on a date yeah too you know that about me but i
621
get that in day to day like especially in australia
622
because we think getting dressed up is like reserved for like weddings
623
and formal things we leave the house in activewear
624
so to put on a nice dress to go somewhere i
625
remember it's been warm recently i've got really nice sundresses
626
that i love wearing and it's warm and i want to the market and everyone was like
627
like is everyone because you're beautiful yeah like some yeah
628
but you could tell some of the he didn't get stank
629
face from all women yeah i'm like soz girl sorry girl i hate
630
that ix promoting dating when he acts like really blase i'm really nonchalant
631
and really just like it's almost like he doesn't want to
632
be there too cool like didn't you ask me to come
633
like isn't this like very like yeah i think that's
634
so gross when there's like a lack of admiration passion i went on a date last week
635
and the guy was so complimenting
636
and um he was saying i was like i was telling him how much i loved how he complimented me
637
and he was like well i'm
638
so lucky to be out with you of course i'm gonna make you feel amazing i'm such a
639
and i'm like that's the way you go about it totally you make her feel special
640
and yeah that's just so weird that men don't do
641
that i know in this country it's like normal to to
642
not like wow your woman up i know it's very normal
643
to be like hey i think some guys do it as
644
a manipulation technique where they don't want you to feel
645
so amazing because that'll get like a wounded woman
646
because she'll like fight for his approval fight for his desire think there's something wrong with her my ratty ex -boyfriend
647
and so she'll constantly shift
648
and change just trying to beg for men will bag a beautiful woman
649
and bring her down to their level instead of lifting her
650
up to like keep her there do you reckon that's right
651
right yeah for sure it's modern dating letting a guy do whatever he wants
652
and still being there still being like i'm available for you to take me out whenever it's like girl put
653
that foot down
654
or say swipe left like whatever it is just next next
655
next next next next guys there's a lot of people on this earth like there's a lot of people
656
and life is too short to be spending time with men
657
who don't appreciate you make you feel bad don't value you don't whatever now i do think
658
that you can as we were saying in this episode like you can act in certain ways
659
that like push yeah men to value you more um sometimes you're not doing yourself any favors but
660
um yeah icky icky it's for modern dating like a tit
661
-for -tat mentality i scratch my back you scratch yours having some mental invoice of like everything
662
that each other's have done
663
and being like oh my god this you get the next round
664
that rap was a bit like
665
that really towards the middle like towards like we've been together for like quite a bit at
666
that point i remember we went down to the morning to potential
667
and it was very like
668
that it's like i've got the accommodation therefore baby sent me a bill yeah do you remember
669
that you literally invoiced me for a holiday
670
like half a half of it be specific of who you're
671
talking about my ratty ex -boyfriend obviously not my current ex
672
-boyfriend my little rat of an ex -boyfriend you know that t -top is like
673
him not my boyfriend um he literally invoiced me for our fucking holiday babe like we came back
674
and he's like emailed me an invoice
675
but you know then i'm thinking like let's see why did you pay it
676
because i was abused for him i literally had no self -worth at
677
that point i was like a little fucking leaf on the
678
ground i hate tip it out also it's this country right
679
because we feel like it's not that common
680
but we saw this tiktok the other day
681
when she was asking people on the street we split 50
682
50 all the ethnics were like no fucking way other aussies
683
were like yeah you scratch my back i scratch yours 50 50 fair play like ew
684
so crazy all the women that was like the like the white women
685
that were like yeah want to pay my way she wouldn't
686
be able to pay my way it's like maybe you girl
687
but don't ruin it for the rest of us like yeah that's such ungentleman like gentleman like disgusting behavior
688
and the thing is that would be setting a standard right
689
so i wanted a date in berlin many years ago with a very very very cute man
690
and i can't remember what happened i know he paid the bill
691
but something was really cheap about the date really cheap he acted in some kind of way
692
and it really turned me off and so i never spoke to him again
693
and then i went back to berlin a couple years later
694
and he'd literally like planned the craziest date fight
695
and it was his way of like redeeming himself he's like
696
and he kept reflecting on that time because he would have gone over
697
and over in his head but yeah that's the thing like
698
if someone acts in a certain type of way i'll just alter my behavior towards them
699
but if i care about them enough i'll you know set my standard in a cheeky way
700
but if i don't babe next like next next next next next we talk about
701
that feeling of getting an ick mid -date
702
it's honestly the worst yeah you're sitting there like fuck i actually feel unwell i haven't had
703
that for ages yeah i haven't interviewed us
704
but i remember being younger by the whole point
705
so i was like get me out of here
706
and like yeah i don't know how people do the fake like escape thing like you i can't do that
707
but what i'll do is like worse yeah you you you
708
like i'll make it the best day of their life
709
if i'm here already and we're doing it like let's make it great
710
and they'll leave the day and be like
711
that was amazing i'm like i carried
712
that entire guys this is also something you need to remember sometimes we romanticize people
713
but think about were you the person that made that occasion
714
that relationship whatever amazing
715
because a lot of the times you were making the jokes
716
you were bringing the vibe you were bringing the humor don't underestimate yourself i know
717
that in some dates and social situations like i am the vibe
718
and then to turn around and be like oh
719
that was great was it great because of him was a great because of me
720
that's that's it's true though because i know i know
721
when i'm not into i know when i'm not into i'm guys
722
if i'm not into a date i will bring on a show like it's like becoming broadway at
723
that point bringing the jokes bringing the humor bringing whatever
724
and yeah and then they'll and i'll be like wow i really did
725
that i really saved that because we're there anyways but like is
726
that bad no babe i want to know like what excuses people use to get out of them
727
because i know people make up these fake things like oh
728
mom's called me i'm out like i've got like an emergency i'm like i could never do that really
729
so uncomfortable like we are both bad liars yeah like raquel
730
cannot lie to save us off we played this game once
731
where you had to like pretend like who was the robber
732
or not it was a drinking game in greece
733
and she was like i'm not the robot it's babe it's
734
so i'm a horrible liar also i'm very expressive with my face yeah
735
so i show everything like I wear my emotions on my face that's
736
that also helps setting standards because someone can clearly see
737
if I'm not about something or
738
if I'm like wow you know anyways hope this you guys enjoyed this episode
739
and bye for now we'll see you next week yeah
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Từ vựng và ghi chú luyện nói cho bài học này
Bài luyện nói trình độ B2 này dựa trên video “Sugar & Spice Podcast”. Video này có 739 câu và 8727 từ để luyện shadowing. Phần lời nói dài 41:40. Người nói nói nhanh, khoảng 209 từ mỗi phút, nên sẽ có nhiều chỗ nối âm và nuốt âm. 87% số từ nằm trong 3.000 từ tiếng Anh thông dụng nhất, nên từ vựng dễ theo.
Từ vựng quan trọng trong video
15 từ khó nhất trong video, kèm phiên âm và nghĩa:
| Từ | Phiên âm | Nghĩa |
|---|---|---|
| vibe danh từ | /vaɪb/ | cảm giác |
| invoice danh từ | /ˈɪnˌvɔɪs/ | hóa đơn |
| scratch động từ | /skɹæt͡ʃ/ | gãi |
| headache danh từ | /ˈhɛdeɪk/ | chứng nhức đầu |
| passive tính từ | /ˈpæs.ɪv/ | thụ động |
| unfair tính từ | /ʌnˈfɛɚ/ | bất công |
| sibling danh từ | /ˈsɪb.lɪŋ/ | anh chị em |
| amazingly trạng từ | /əˈmeɪzɪŋli/ | đáng kinh ngạc |
| traumatic tính từ | /tɹɔˈmætɪk/ | gây chấn thương, gây sang chấn |
| humour danh từ | /ˈhjuːmɚ/ | sự hài hước |
| feminine tính từ | /ˈfɛmɪnɪn/ | nữ giới |
| loser danh từ | /luzɚ/ | bại giả |
| wallet danh từ | /ˈwɑl.ət/ | ví, bóp |
| offend động từ | /əˈfɛnd/ | xúc phạm |
| disappoint động từ | /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪnt/ | làm thất vọng |
Cụm động từ bạn sẽ nghe
| Từ | Nghĩa |
|---|---|
| go out động từ | ra, chết |
| come back động từ | trở lại, trở về |
| turn off động từ | tắt |
Ngữ pháp trong video
Những cấu trúc người nói dùng nhiều nhất, kèm đúng cụm từ trong video:
| Cấu trúc | Trong video |
|---|---|
| Câu điều kiện if + mệnh đề, will/would + động từ — điều kiện và kết quả | if i told raquel she would call · if he left me i would be · if he wants you you will know |
| Thì hiện tại hoàn thành have/has + quá khứ phân từ — việc đã xảy ra nhưng còn liên quan đến hiện tại | have allowed · we've put · haven't been taught |
| Câu bị động be + quá khứ phân từ — nhấn vào việc xảy ra, không phải người làm | be treated · being forced · been taught |
| Mệnh đề quan hệ who / which + mệnh đề — thêm thông tin về người hoặc vật | woman who has · anyone who is · women who have |
Phát âm cần chú ý
Người nói dùng 329 dạng rút gọn, ví dụ I'm, don't, you're. Hãy nói theo dạng ngắn đúng như bạn nghe.
- Âm “sh” và “zh”: nonchalant /ˌnɑn.ʃəˈlɑnt/, illusion /ɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, accommodation /əˌkɒm.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/, conviction /kənˈvɪkʃən/
- Từ dài — đặt trọng âm cho đúng: amazingly /əˈmeɪzɪŋli/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, accountability /əˌkaʊn.təˈbɪl.ə.ti/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, disappointment /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/
Cách luyện với video này
- Nghe hết video một lần, chưa cần nói, và ghi lại những từ bạn chưa biết.
- Bắt đầu ở tốc độ 0,75×, nói đuổi từng câu, rồi quay lại tốc độ bình thường khi đã quen.
- Ghi âm giọng mình rồi so với bản gốc, chú ý các từ như vibe, invoice, scratch.
Phương Pháp Shadowing Là Gì?
Shadowing là kỹ thuật học ngôn ngữ có cơ sở khoa học, ban đầu được phát triển cho chương trình đào tạo phiên dịch viên chuyên nghiệp và được phổ biến rộng rãi bởi nhà đa ngôn ngữ học Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Nguyên lý cốt lõi đơn giản nhưng cực kỳ hiệu quả: bạn nghe tiếng Anh của người bản xứ và lặp lại to ngay lập tức — như một "cái bóng" (shadow) đuổi theo người nói với độ trễ chỉ 1–2 giây. Khác với luyện ngữ pháp hay học từ vựng bị động, Shadowing buộc não bộ và cơ miệng phải đồng thời xử lý và tái tạo ngôn ngữ thực tế. Các nghiên cứu khoa học xác nhận phương pháp này cải thiện đáng kể phát âm, ngữ điệu, nhịp điệu, nối âm, kỹ năng nghe và độ lưu loát khi nói — đặc biệt hiệu quả cho người luyện IELTS Speaking và muốn giao tiếp tiếng Anh tự nhiên như người bản ngữ.