Shadowing Practice: He ghosted me. - Learn English Speaking with Video

Today I'm going to tell you the story of when I got ghosted.

If you don't know what ghosting is,

it's basically when you have some sort of a relationship with someone and then they just vanish from your life.

So-called ghosting.

So this is from a few years back.

I know you're going to want to judge me after I tell you the story.

Keep in mind I was quite young,

at least younger than I am now.

But even so, we all suffer from a lack of judgment from time to time.

The reason I'm telling this story is because it's slightly entertaining,

I hope, but also because at the time when I was going through this,

I was desperately seeking for other people who shared similar stories because I was feeling very alone and very confused.

So let's go back to the day when I met this guy.

We met online, we chatted for a bit,

and then we met up.

When we met up, It was an instant spark.

I immediately knew that I was going to be romantically interested in this person if we were to continue seeing each other.

You know when you meet someone and it just clicks?

The conversations flow naturally, you immediately feel relaxed,

while also having the very feel-good butterflies in your stomach.

And so I was intrigued.

And after that first date,

we kept on going out.

And for each time that we went out,

I felt more and more,

I don't want to say in love,

that sounds very serious, but my romantic interest for this person definitely increased for each time that we met each other.

And I had the impression that he was feeling the same way.

Why else would he want to continue seeing me and continue taking me on very fun,

very adventurous dates?

We kept seeing each other.

We did not have any conversations really about where we were standing in terms of our relationship,

if there was a label.

We just kept seeing each other.

Again went on numerous dates.

But then I started feeling like,

okay, I am starting to really be into this guy romantically.

And we still have now had the conversation of,

are we seeing other people?

Should we be exclusive?

What's really going on here?

And at the time, as I mentioned,

I was a bit younger and so I wasn't as confident as I am today in sort of asking those questions.

I was still, unfortunately, very much in that mindset of not wanting to scare someone off,

being afraid of being too much,

being scared of losing this person.

And so I held back on the questions that I actually really wanted answers to,

and I kept seeing him.

Now here is where I will admit.

You know, even when you are young and quite naive,

at least compared to how you've typically develop when you get older,

I still knew that this wasn't actually going to turn into a serious, long-term, committed relationship.

And now why?

Why did I know that?

Well, firstly, and this answer is going to suck,

you just kind of know from how a person speaks,

from what they say, from how they talk about their future,

from their mannerism, from the communication style,

all of these things build up the impression

that you get from a person in terms of kind of where they are in life,

what they seem to be looking for.

So I did very much get the impression that this was not going to exactly lead somewhere serious.

And now you might think,

so why do you keep seeing him?

I'll answer that question.

First, I want to clarify that ever since I started dating very young,

I always sought out something serious.

I've always looked for long-term relationships.

I've never been interested in casual dating.

I've never been interested in short-term dating.

My intention for going into something has always been the long-term,

or for the long run.

With that being said, I did sort of push those feelings aside slightly because being with this person felt so good.

And because, again, I will blame this on the naivety of youth,

I did still have a tiny bit of hope that maybe,

maybe I was wrong.

Maybe we could actually lead to something serious and something long term.

Because who knows?

Those stories happen all the time.

Where people say, I met someone,

we went out, it wasn't that serious,

I didn't think it was going to lead to anything,

but then here we are, married, five kids later.

And So why couldn't that happen to us?

I mean, my gut knew it wasn't happening,

but I could be wrong.

Is how I reasoned at the time.

There were tons of butterflies.

And as we all know now, what do we know?

Butterflies are not necessarily a good thing.

So say it with me,

butterflies are not necessarily a good thing.

Actually, butterflies could be your nervous system telling you to run the hell away.

It's a warning sign, because as I've learned based on what I've read

and what I've heard other people say is that true,

genuine, authentic love is supposed to feel like a warm hug.

It's supposed to feel calming,

like a slow fireplace burning in a lovely manner,

instead of a firecracker where it's just like feeling like this all the time

100

that feeling is very addicting it is feeling that intense sense of i'm

101

so into this person they're

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so into me we're having a great time together it's a very strong emotion

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and it can be very misleading

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and i think even as far as people can fall victim to

105

that emotion now a few months go by we still really haven't had any conversation regarding where we're standing

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and what's really going on,

107

we have said that we like each other and we have said

108

that we would not be happy with either of us seeing someone else.

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Now before I get to the day that he ghosted me,

110

let me give you, well actually no,

111

let me start with the day he ghosted me.

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And then, I'll give you some of the red flags that I saw along the way,

113

but that I kind of ignored.

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So we had a date planned.

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We were going to go out but during the day he was going to be out of town.

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He had something with his friends.

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And so he goes away and we agree to catch up later in the day to go on our date.

118

And so the time goes by,

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hours go by, you know,

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the date that we have scheduled is nearing and so I think,

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strange, He hasn't reached out,

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so why don't I reach out?

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So I text him.

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I say, hey, when are you coming back?

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Our date is supposed to be in,

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what was it, an hour?

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And he doesn't reply.

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And so I call him,

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because I'm standing there already for our date.

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And so I call him, and he does reply.

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And he apologizes, and he says that he's going to be back in town soon.

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and he will call me.

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I ask him why he hasn't replied,

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because we're supposed to have our date.

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He doesn't really have a reason.

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He's just apologetic and says he's going to give me a call.

137

Fast forward, more time goes by,

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an hour goes by, I obsessively,

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naturally, check my phone, nothing.

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Radio silence.

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A few hours go by,

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the whole day goes by.

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A few days go by, weeks, months go by.

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Nothing.

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He didn't call.

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He didn't text.

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I quickly realized after doing some google searches,

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watching some youtube videos, that I had been ghosted.

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A term I believe I hadn't even heard at the time.

150

But yeah, he had gone completely ghost.

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Now, I'll admit, it was a quite painful experience because it was very strange.

152

And how much, no matter how much I went back and forth,

153

thought about it, talked about it with my friends,

154

I couldn't at all comprehend how someone could ghost another person.

155

After you have been seeing them for months.

156

I was sad, I was confused,

157

couldn't understand, felt like I needed closure,

158

realized that I was going to have to give the closure to myself.

159

And so after a few months,

160

he did actually reach out and I did not reply.

161

And that was the end of our little love story.

162

Now, okay, if you are situation where you are seeing someone and you're afraid this might happen.

163

I've heard of people ghosting each other after being in long-term relationships,

164

so I don't think anyone is safe from being ghosted, unfortunately.

165

But I can share with you some of the signs I saw of this clearly not working out as we were dating.

166

Judge me all you want.

167

I'm going to give you full honesty because I think that can be helpful.

168

So, I'll take it.

169

Sign number one.

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He could sometimes disappear for hours,

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or maybe like a day, and not respond.

172

And he would always have a reason or an excuse for not doing that.

173

So whether that was losing his phone,

174

losing track of time, working,

175

whatever the reason was,

176

because it wasn't unusual for many or sometimes even a day to go by with him not reaching out or not replying.

177

Secondly, there were, again, no real conversations about the future.

178

That's something that I, after this experience,

179

always established very early on.

180

I'm not interested in trying to figure out what someone's intentions are,

181

or waiting to have those important conversations.

182

I'll have them immediately.

183

And I think that should be the norm.

184

Because what's the point of wasting each other's time,

185

and what is the point of getting into something if the intentions of each person doesn't align?

186

Another red flag that I saw was that you would sometimes get calls or messages from girls that I didn't know.

187

And again, at the time,

188

being younger, being more insecure and not as confident,

189

I would never ask, I would just ignore

190

and kind of talk myself into just trusting that it's fine and I shouldn't be insecure.

191

It's not insecure to ask the person you are dating who they're texting.

192

I really want to put that out there.

193

So if you are dating someone,

194

or if you're in a relationship,

195

and they get a text from a name that you don't know,

196

I don't think it's insecure to ask, who is X?

197

What kind of relationship do you have with X?

198

You're not coming at it out of jealousy,

199

or spite, or anger at all.

200

I just think it's fair to let your partner know kind of who is in your circle,

201

and who do you tend to stay in touch with.

202

because eventually your lives do kind of come together and

203

so you are eventually going to probably meet each other's friends

204

and families and so rather than wondering

205

and maybe building up resentment always ask another sign was that we clearly had very different values overall in life You know,

206

the way that we viewed work,

207

the way that we viewed everyday life was just very different.

208

We had very different ways of not only viewing life, but living life.

209

I mean, there was very little alignment.

210

So for some reason, you know,

211

personality wise, we aligned because we laughed a lot.

212

It was never really awkward.

213

We had a lot to talk about and,

214

you know, it was a good time.

215

But when it came to the things that are very important,

216

like your values, the way you view the future,

217

the way you go about your routines and your days,

218

the things that have to align if you're going to share a life with someone,

219

those things didn't align.

220

Very little did they align.

221

Now, I'm sure there were other signs and other things.

222

I also don't want to get too much into it.

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I definitely want to respect this person's privacy and life.

224

There are no bad feelings or anything at all.

225

I'm just sharing this mostly for entertainment,

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but also because it might be valuable for someone,

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because it can be quite a stressful thing to go through.

228

I hope I didn't miss anything,

229

but let me know if you liked this much more relaxed,

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laid-back type of video that I almost never do and if you would like to see more storytelling.

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