Shadowing Practice: Jack Baker | Jack Baker's Disease | A Full Comedy Special - Learn English Speaking with Video

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Jack Baker!

Thank you, guys. That was...

Alright.

Thank you, thank you.

That is how every show needs to start from here on out.

That was amazing, guys.

I wish every crowd was like this i walked on stage

recently at a show in downstate illinois no one even clapped guy in the front was just like you look jewish

it's just like i don't feel safe here

i feel very safe here at tonight in batavia so thank you all all right That's very nice,

but if you guys do that the whole time, this is going to be a four -hour -long show.

I am married.

My wife and I went to the same high school, and in high school, she was a cheerleader, which means that I am fucking cool.

Take that, football team.

Turns out my mom was right this whole time.

And the thing you need to understand, guys, Guys, my wife, she wasn't like no base, either.

That's right, she topped the pyramid.

Yeah, I got the best one.

You guys start showing me a little goddamn respect, okay?

My wife, she is way out of my league.

And I know this for a fact, because I was told.

by a drunk guy at a steak and shake at 2 .30 in the morning.

He looks at her, he goes, you're really hot.

He looks at me and goes, you're a bitch.

And then he said something that I will never forget until the day I die.

He said, girl, I want to rub my wiener on your face.

Let's stop and break that down for a second.

I want to rub my wiener on your face. Who says that, right? Who opens with that?

That's insane, right?

Cause like if I was going to make a list out of all the things that I wanted to do

with my wiener, and a hot girl rubbing it on her face

would be somewhere in the middle.

Not this guy.

He's just like, number one!

I don't like vaginas.

I don't like anal.

How about you give me one of them? cheek jobs, girl.

Maybe later, shit's gonna get real crazy.

I'm gonna hold it above your lip, under your nose.

Make you a nice penis mustache.

At this time, this guy, he comes over to our table, sits down next to her, across from me, stares at me and goes,

what are you going to do about it?

And so I wrote this joke.

Thank you.

Yeah, who's the bitch now?

My wife and I don't fight because we are better than all of you.

Here's the secret, fellas.

Here's the secret.

Any time my wife even kind of starts to get mad, I just go, Portillo's?

Cheese fries, that's the answer.

That and not having children.

I could never fight with my wife, though.

She's just, like, too good of a person.

She's a much better person than I am.

Like, my wife has dedicated her life to educating little suburban demons.

Thank you.

With names like Skylar and Aiden.

And then I tell strangers about the time I shit my pants at an Aldi.

So we both contribute, but in different ways.

My wife and I, we're very different people.

We're very different.

Like, she is very pretty, and I look like a Weezer song came to life.

The clapping was a little much.

We are different in a lot of ways.

Like, my wife is very religious, and I am correct.

Ooh, some people didn't like that joke.

We just had a lot of different experiences, her and I.

You know, like she went to a private Christian college and I went to Northern Illinois University.

No. That is way more than that school deserves.

Let's put it this way, just by being here tonight, I am now the front runner for the Husky Alumni of the Year Award.

We had different experiences in college.

Like one time, my wife got a two -day suspension from college for being in a boys' dorm room.

That did not happen at Northern Illinois University.

Like I one time had 14 people in my dorm smoking pot, doing shots.

Not one person got in trouble because I was the RA.

Thank you.

And don't forget, you guys have a leader up here today, okay?

My wife, she is a very short lady.

She is four feet, 11 inches tall.

If I'm rounding up.

She's 4 '10".

She looks kind of like you took an average -sized woman and accidentally sent her through the dryer.

But, like, in a sexy way.

Like you put a little extra snuggle in that load, you know what I'm saying?

I like that she's short.

It led to this really beautiful moment when I proposed, right?

Because I got down on one knee and I looked her straight in the eye.

Now we're together forever.

There's one time when we first started dating, right?

She comes up to me, she goes, Jack, I know how to do a jujitsu chokehold.

And I said, well, you have to show me.

Cause this is gonna be adorable.

I figured she'd have to like push over a chair, kind of, like, climb up, end up hanging off the back of my neck, kind of like a sexy little backpack.

Her feet kicking in the breeze.

This was not the case.

All of a sudden, her and I, both down on the ground.

She's got her two legs wrapped around my face.

And it went from adorable to pretty fucking hot.

she's like I'm gonna squeeze you now I'm just like yeah you are

100

she's like I'm gonna choke you I'm just like you choke me as hard as you need to girl

101

and she did and dislocated my shoulder that is the story of how my tiny wife beats me up

102

when we got married I didn't care if my wife took my last name when we got married

103

yeah thank you you know what it's not a big deal

104

to me I mean she's a baker she's a smith I'm

105

a baker it's not like the families are in danger of dying out anytime soon I think it's weird,

106

though, that guys still care so much about the last name thing.

107

Like, for some guys, that's a deal -breaker, and I want to know how often they think they're going to be referring to their wives by her first

108

and last name.

109

Like, at home, my wife and I, we don't even use first names.

110

We just start talking, and it's assumed we're not talking to ourselves.

111

A lot of her friends and family, though, assumed that she was going to take my last name.

112

at our wedding, when they wrote us checks as gifts.

113

And we got 34 checks to Jack and Colleen Baker.

114

It's like, well, that's a problem.

115

Her name's Colleen Smith.

116

Also, fun fact for all of you, my real name is not Jack, it's John.

117

Which means we got 34 checks to two people who don't legally exist.

118

The next day we're just like, what the fuck do we do with these?

119

We didn't want to start the marriage off washing checks.

120

and was not on the honeymoon itinerary.

121

My mom was like, take it to the bank.

122

Okay, I don't know if you guys have ever tried to deposit a check that does not have your name on it, but it is frowned upon.

123

We got into a real long, heated argument with the branch manager, Linda.

124

And after hours of disagreement, here's the solution they came up with for us, right?

125

On the back of each check, Colleen Baker had to sign it over to Colleen Smith, who had to sign it over to Jack Baker, who had to sign it over to John Baker.

126

All in that tiny little space above that fucking line.

127

It was not fun.

128

But the thank you notes were so much fun.

129

Thank you so much for this wonderful gift of a logistical nightmare at PNC Bank for only $25.

130

Hope you enjoyed your $65 chicken piccata, you cheap, misogynistic piece of shit.

131

Love, Jack.

132

I do all the cooking and cleaning at our house.

133

Yeah, thank you.

134

I learned something about myself, and that is that I would have made a great housewife in the 50s.

135

I get that a lot of women back then were unhappy, man, but I think it sounds pretty good, right?

136

Like, if you told me that I never had to leave the house, and all I had to do was cook and clean,

137

and the doctors would just give me amphetamines?

138

Be like, where do I sign up?

139

I would so gladly trade places with a woman from the 50s if I could.

140

Like, Susan Jones, you come to the future, be whatever you want to be.

141

I will take your place in 1957 and have the time of my life

142

as the gossipiest bitch the suburbs have ever seen.

143

I was raised on reality TV.

144

Those 50s broads aren't ready for the hurricane coming their way.

145

I'm about to rule that PTA with an iron fist.

146

Don't cross me, Maude.

147

I will tell the FBI that you're a communist.

148

And then blow your husband.

149

What are you gonna do about it?

150

Our favorite show is the television program, Survivor.

151

Yeah, we just love eating chips while watching people starve.

152

During the pandemic, we watched 40 seasons.

153

Yeah, we used our time productively.

154

I bring it up now because in season 39, episode 11, I saw the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life, right?

155

Eight castaways have been stranded on an island in Fiji for 30 days.

156

They are starving.

157

You have literally just watched their bodies waste away.

158

And then the host, Jeff Probst, comes out.

159

And he's like, all right, the team who wins today's challenge will be rewarded with a feast provided by Applebee's.

160

And they lost their fucking minds.

161

He said, Applebee's, they start jumping up and down.

162

They're so excited.

163

One guy was like, Oh, we eating good in the neighborhood tonight.

164

Unprompted.

165

One girl cried tears of joy.

166

Meanwhile, at home, I could not stop laughing. Was I high?

167

Yes, I was.

168

But that does not change the fact that Applebee's paid CBS Yes,

169

hundreds of thousands of dollars to remind everyone that the only way to get people

170

excited about eating Applebee's is to starve them for 30 days first.

171

Because they were in Fiji.

172

There's no Applebee's in Fiji.

173

I checked.

174

That means they had to fly in Applebee's.

175

That means somewhere along the way, a production assistant had to go to Customs to declare eight two for 20s.

176

I think that's beautiful.

177

The other day I came home and my wife was watching the Disney movie Cinderella.

178

It's her favorite of the Disney princesses.

179

And she got mad at me because I think the evil step -mom is right.

180

I do.

181

Cinderella should have to clean the whole house.

182

She's the dumbass who keeps letting all those woodland creatures inside.

183

Why would that be anyone else's responsibility to clean up after her?

184

I don't feel bad for that privileged little rich girl one bit.

185

Glad someone had enough good sense to finally teach her the value of a goddamn hard day's work.

186

My wife was like, you just have to make one of your little jokes about everything, don't you?

187

Always with the jokes.

188

Don't let anything pass you, Mr. Funny Man.

189

And I was like, Portillo's?

190

And then we were good.

191

Tell you more about me, I'm allergic to milk.

192

Yeah, no one's ever surprised to learn that about me.

193

I just look like a guy who would be allergic to milk.

194

Hell, any time I look in the mirror, I get surprised I'm not also allergic to gluten.

195

And I'm really allergic, too.

196

None of that lactose intolerance bullshit.

197

I'm not one of those fucking pussies.

198

I'm allergic, man.

199

I am so allergic to milk that if I ever went missing, they wouldn't even be able to put my picture.

200

That joke is so good, I didn't even need to do the punchline.

201

I've been allergic to milk since I was five years old.

202

My older sister has been allergic to milk since the day she was born.

203

When I was three years old, I thought the funniest thing in the world was spitting milk at my allergic older sister.

204

I turned five, became allergic, and learned that karma's a fucking bitch.

205

The thing you need to understand, it was way harder to have a food allergy when I was a kid.

206

No one cared about food allergies in the 90s.

207

Like, can I get that without cheese?

208

They're just like, what are you, queer?

209

To be fair, they still do that in Wisconsin.

210

They do.

211

No one knew what to do with food allergies back then.

212

No one knew what to do.

213

I remember when I was in fifth grade, we were having one of those classroom parties, right?

214

and I was about to eat something

215

and one of the volunteer moms came running over she was like jack you can't have

216

that there's eggs in it I was like oh no are they cow eggs and she had to go check

217

it was one of the best moments of my life That would never happen in a classroom nowadays, man.

218

Shit's changed now.

219

Every classroom's got a real strict allergy policy.

220

You know, they're like, don't share food.

221

Wash your hands.

222

If you bring peanuts to school, we will charge you with a hate crime.

223

It's crazy how much progress we've made.

224

Thanks to heroes like me.

225

you know it's a different world for food allergies in 2023 you know

226

if you have ever seen a white lady order gluten -free

227

bread at a suburban sandwich shop before she even finishes the words gluten -free you see the staff gets

228

that look on their face This is what we've been training for.

229

The cashier reaches under the counter to trigger the silent alarm.

230

The manager emerges from the back, and you know he's in charge because he's got a different colored polo than the rest of the team.

231

He just kind of carries himself with that confidence that says, You will not yelp us today, Karen.

232

And they get the special gluten -free bread out of the special gluten -free bread box.

233

They all have on the special gluten -free gloves and gluten -free hazmat suits.

234

I'm thinking about going gluten -free just so these assholes start taking better care of my sandwiches.

235

Like, wait, were you really gonna cut my sandwich with the same knife you used to cut all of the other sandwiches?

236

He was like, it's okay, sir.

237

I was going to wipe it on this gross rag first.

238

It's like, that makes me feel much better.

239

I think some of the food stuff has gone too far.

240

Some of it has, because now there's like an expectation that I'm supposed to accommodate people's food preferences.

241

Not allergies, preferences.

242

I don't think so.

243

You gonna have a vegan option at your wedding?

244

Did you have a dairy -free option at your seventh birthday party?

245

Now you served pizza, cake, and ice cream.

246

So how about you sit there

247

and you pick the bacon bits out of your side salad until you fucking like it, Gavin.

248

I had an experience with milk.

249

I did.

250

The last time was in my NIU days.

251

Don't fucking cheer for it again.

252

That's how you know someone has an NIU education.

253

I was at a party, guys.

254

I was drunk.

255

I was so drunk that a young lady convinced me that there was no milk in whipped cream.

256

She wanted me to lick that whipped cream off her breasts, and I did, because I'm a people pleaser.

257

I got sick Real sick I could have died And part of me wishes that I did

258

Because that would have been The greatest eulogy ever Jack died doing what he loved.

259

Licking titties.

260

I've been trying to get healthy.

261

I knew I needed to make some changes because the other day I pooped so hard I gained weight. Has that ever happened?

262

Like, I don't know if you guys are like me.

263

Sometimes when I feel like a really big poop coming on, I want to know how big.

264

So pre -poop, I got on the scale.

265

163 .2 pounds.

266

Post -poop, I got back on the scale.

267

163 .4 pounds.

268

I don't know a lot about the human body but

269

that shit ain't right it's hard man it's hard trying to get healthy especially for me

270

because I was just born with like a really weak shitty body it's like the stork brought my parents a lemon.

271

I'm allergic to milk.

272

Guys, I can't have butter.

273

I can't even have, I can't believe it's not butter.

274

I have a chronic headache disorder.

275

I have ulcerative colitis.

276

Thank God I was born a millennial.

277

Guys, I don't think I would have made it if I'd grown up any time before kids got seat belts.

278

I am not cut out for the past.

279

I have prescription toothpaste.

280

Guys, can you imagine me back in the Oregon Trail days?

281

I would have died before we left Kansas.

282

Like, oh, you got a wagon up.

283

Jack died of dysentery.

284

I was in high school I got an ulcer on the cornea of my eye I didn't even know

285

that was a thing that could happen like ulcers that's the thing

286

that kids get they're so stressed you know they get holes in their stomach I was

287

so sick and miserable that my eyes were just like he doesn't need to see this it's shut it down.

288

Got a headache disorder.

289

It's a very rare condition called new daily persistent headache.

290

It is so rare that it has given me a new goal in comedy, which is to get so famous that they rename it after me.

291

Some of these comedians, they come up here trying to express themselves create art get laughs

292

because it's like the approval they never got from their dad

293

growing up not me I do this shit for the fame I do this

294

because one day I am going to be so famous

295

that it is going to ruin some kids future when and he finds out he's got Jack Baker's disease.

296

Thank you, you guys are helping me get there.

297

Hashtag Jack Baker's disease.

298

It's gonna go viral.

299

Like Jack Baker's disease.

300

I've got the ulcerative colitis now.

301

If you don't know, ulcerative colitis is like a real fun condition where I always either have to poop or fart, but never quite know which one's coming out.

302

With ulcerative colitis, your life is just one never -ending game of chicken with your colon.

303

But in this game of chicken, you don't get hit by a car.

304

You just shit your pants at an Aldi.

305

Guys, I shit my pants at an Aldi

306

And this isn't one of those stories like I was seven and had a whoopsie

307

I am 33 years old I shit my pants like a man Here's the thing I wasn't even grocery shopping that day

308

It was my lunch break driving back to the office from Panda Express, my first mistake.

309

I got that feeling, you know, that rumble in the tum -tum.

310

Like, oh shit, storms are brewing.

311

It was too far to make it back to the office, so I had to improvise.

312

To my left, there was an Aldi grocery store.

313

To my right, gas station.

314

Not great options.

315

Both better than the front seat of my 2014 Honda Civic. But not by much.

316

It's like Aldi, hmm, do I need a quarter for the bathroom?

317

Or is that just carts?

318

Gas station, gross.

319

So I chose the Aldi.

320

I figured it would have a nicer bathroom.

321

And I was right.

322

It was freshly renovated.

323

There was like a little Glade plug -in in the corner.

324

Everything was perfect.

325

Except for the fucking old guy in the stall taking his sweet goddamn time.

326

Because he wasn't even pooping.

327

He was playing Candy Crush on his phone.

328

I know because he left the volume on like a fucking monster. And here I am.

329

It's DEF CON 1.

330

I didn't have time to go anywhere else.

331

Hell, I was barely able to waddle my way into that bathroom.

332

Cheeks clenched, hands holding it together right across the front of the store.

333

I don't care who saw me.

334

It was Glen Ellyn, Illinois.

335

Who gives a fuck?

336

I'm sweating.

337

I'm scared.

338

What do you do?

339

What do you do?

340

And it's in these kind of life or death situations that you learn who you are as a man.

341

Because in this moment the only thought going through my head is should I shit in the garbage can?

342

And I thought about it for longer than you all would have liked.

343

But I couldn't do it because the Aldi was too nice.

344

So as I'm standing there with tiny pieces of shit falling down the side of my leg, don't groan.

345

You knew where the story was going.

346

it wasn't even foreshadowing i told you the ending first

347

i cleaned myself up as i'm throwing those covered boxers in the aforementioned garbage can It's like,

348

if only I'd chosen the gas station.

349

So if there's anything to take home from my set tonight, please make it this.

350

If you ever find yourself in an emergency pooping scenario, always go gas station.

351

Because you can't poop in the garbage can at a grocery store, but you can at any BP across this great goddamn country.

352

Thank you.

353

I had a really weird childhood.

354

Sorry, there's no way to transition out of the Aldi story.

355

So we're just going straight to weird childhood.

356

I did.

357

I had a really weird childhood, right?

358

Like, growing up, my dad had a really bad drinking problem, right?

359

And he bankrupted our family, and things got so bad that the rest of us had to flee the state to get away from him.

360

And he was still my favorite parent.

361

Look, that joke's not nice to my mom, but she made me do the dishes.

362

my dad took me to odyssey fun world who am i going to pick i love my family

363

because my wife says i have to i do her family they love each other

364

and they say it to each other out loud fucking weirdos

365

she was on the phone with her brother she was like I love you

366

I'm just like what you think your family's better than mine

367

her brother was like I love you too I'm just like fuck they are

368

that's what I learned five years of being married my wife's family's better than mine they have a lake house

369

we just had a house our neighborhood was called summer lakes but there were no lakes No,

370

they just knew no one would live in a place called Summer Retention Ponds.

371

Her family, they have a much better work ethic than we do.

372

That's the difference.

373

No joke, their motto is, why do tomorrow what you could get done today?

374

It was a big adjustment because our family motto was, why do tomorrow what you could put off for so long you forgot it was ever a priority in the first place.

375

Put it this way, growing up, our house was the one that lowered our neighbor's property values.

376

Projects weren't something we finished.

377

Now we started, then my mom would go, it'll still be there tomorrow.

378

And it was every tomorrow until we moved.

379

I don't know, I think our problem was we didn't have a lot of adult supervision when I was a kid.

380

My mom's a single mom, she had to work.

381

which meant she was never home

382

so we were left in the care of a random ass assortment of adults

383

and slash or children who were only slightly older than we were

384

why did we not learn a good work ethic probably

385

because you can't learn that from a 13 year old when you're 11.

386

the best babysitter we ever had he was a felon you

387

know the most recent entry on his resume prior to baker family babysitter was the mess hall at joliet state penitentiary

388

and he wasn't like no white collar criminal either no tax

389

cheat could keep those rowdy baker kids in line he robbed a convenience store with a gun

390

so when he said clean your room or else he fucking meant it.

391

How'd he get the job?

392

Good question.

393

He was my mom's boyfriend.

394

So you don't need to be concerned.

395

It's not like she pulled a random phone number off a telephone pole.

396

There wasn't like some shady babysitting agency in the 90s that just lied about background checks.

397

Now, he got the job by sleeping with the hiring manager, same as we'd all do.

398

How'd they meet?

399

Another good question.

400

He was my dad's roommate in rehab.

401

Which is not a joke, just something my therapist said I should talk about more.

402

That actually is a joke.

403

I don't go to therapy.

404

Sometimes I think I should.

405

I don't know.

406

Looking back on my childhood, I think it's a miracle I was only arrested the one time.

407

I did.

408

I was 23.

409

Got a DUI.

410

Which is crazy, because I look like I could still be trying to honor my DARE class pledge.

411

I learned from the experience.

412

I hope you guys can learn some things, too.

413

Here's something I learned.

414

You know that you were too drunk to drive

415

when the only way you know what town you're in is by reading the uniform of the cop that pulled you over.

416

You know that you were way too drunk to drive

417

when you think it's a good idea to give that piece of information to the cop that pulled you over, which I did.

418

he goes you know where you are right now

419

and I said Downers Grove he said are you sure and I said that's what your shirt says

420

which is not how you talk your way out of a DUI but it was flawless deductive recently.

421

When you get a DUI, they take your car, right?

422

And when they do that, they have to make a list of all of your possessions.

423

And on mine, the cop just wrote, nothing of value.

424

Talk about kicking someone while they're down.

425

Right?

426

And they did not know I had very valuable possessions in my car at the time, it was drugs.

427

And then before the cop asked me, he was like, do you have anything we should know about?

428

And I was like, no. And they believed me because I'm white.

429

Guys, they never found the drugs, which means the next day when I picked up my car from the police impound,

430

I stole my drugs back from the cops.

431

Thank you.

432

That's right.

433

That's like some low -grade action hero shit.

434

And I did that.

435

That's the kind of thing you could see Steven Seagal do

436

in a movie on TNT at 2 o 'clock in the afternoon.

437

The only difference between me and Steven in those movies is that he didn't have to get a ride from his mom. Which I did.

438

I paid, I had to pay $500 for them to release my car back to me, right?

439

I paid with my credit card, and then for some reason, on my online banking, my bank classified that purchase as groceries.

440

I don't know what kind of grocery shopping they thought I was doing,

441

but I got double points. So it was awesome.

442

Right, but here's the thing.

443

I one time got a fraud alert text, buying gas two blocks from my house.

444

I want to know what was going through the mind of the fraud alert specialist.

445

And he's like, gas by his house?

446

Pretty suspicious.

447

Oh, $500 worth of police groceries.

448

Well, that's perfectly normal behavior.

449

When you get a DUI, you have to do something called a drug and alcohol evaluation, right?

450

Which is where you go and you meet with a probation officer, and they ask you all kinds of questions about drugs, and then you lie to them.

451

She was like, do you ever use drugs when you're sad?

452

I just celebrate all the time.

453

In fact, I got myself hooked on oxycodone because I was just so happy

454

I had to keep numbing myself from all that joy that I was feeling.

455

And that's how you get the minimum in the state of Illinois.

456

Where did it go wrong, Jack?

457

Where did it all go wrong?

458

I think I know the answer.

459

It is that my family is super into going to renaissance fairs.

460

They love the renaissance fairs so much, I thought the word fair ended in E until I was 12.

461

When I was 13, my mom got remarried, had a renaissance -themed wedding.

462

Half the people showed up in costume.

463

The other half were not happy to be there.

464

my family loves the renaissance fair so much that

465

when i was a kid on saturdays

466

and sundays getting to the fair as soon as it opened was their number one priority in the day

467

which means they put their costumes on first thing

468

and wore them through whatever else they had to do before before it was time to leave.

469

What I am trying to tell you all right now is that my mom and my stepdad wore Renaissance costumes to church.

470

I don't think you guys heard the words.

471

Wore Renaissance costumes to church.

472

Guys, my mom's character at the Renaissance Fair is a wench.

473

That means every Sunday, my mom went to go praise God dressed like a beer -serving whore.

474

Sometimes people will be like, hey, Jack, how did you get into stand -up comedy?

475

That, right there.

476

After that, it was either this or serial killer.

477

There were no other options.

478

And guys, this wasn't like one of those cool progressive churches

479

that you see on tv where like the pastor has a sleeve of tattoos

480

and sits in a chair that's as backwards as his hat no it was a lutheran church trinity lutheran church

481

in lyle illinois find them on facebook and ask about it i am sure they will remember

482

I really need you guys to imagine this right now right

483

like really imagine like you know church right you know church

484

you got the guy up there in the robes there's like an organ

485

or sometimes a really crappy backing band you know you always got white ladies singing like this

486

you know because they're the holiest one and everyone else needs to know right

487

and you're coming in it's late as usual timmy couldn't find his church shoes again right

488

and it's hard to find an open seat

489

because everyone sits on the end of the aisle

490

and doesn't want to scoot in you know like how jesus would do

491

so you gotta kind of shuffle past you know there's like

492

a guy in a suit a little boy in a suit that's too big for him

493

and then you get to a man in tights and a feathered hat. And his tavern floozy.

494

And then young Jack Baker trying to hang himself with a Bible.

495

Guys, have you ever seen One of these fucking renaissance people, in costume, not at the renaissance fair.

496

Nerds aren't supposed to have that much confidence.

497

During the week, just a mild -mannered IT consultant, put him in some tights Saturday morning,

498

all of a sudden he's strutting around like the Duke of Walmart, shit's not natural.

499

My biggest fear growing up was

500

that all the other kids at school would find out this is what my family was into.

501

I was not cool enough to survive something like that.

502

I already got called Harry Potter a lot.

503

I didn't need those kids knowing my parents actually hung out with wizards.

504

And it was hard, right?

505

Because my older sister loved the Renaissance Fair.

506

so much that when her high school English class learned about Shakespeare,

507

she wore her costume to school as a demonstration for the class.

508

Two years later, when my class learned about Shakespeare, she was like, hey, Jack, do you want me to wear the costume and do the demonstration for your class?

509

It's like, if you wear those fucking clothes, To my class, I will spit milk at you again, kill us both.

510

Thank you.

511

She wore a renaissance dress to her senior prom.

512

It was not a renaissance -themed prom.

513

No, the theme was under the sea.

514

The thing you need to know is my wife and I went to the same high school.

515

And my wife was older than me, so she was in the same graduating class as my older sister.

516

Which means that my wife was at the prom with the, quote, weird girl in the old -timey clothes.

517

and now the thing i want most in life is a time machine so i can go back to that prom

518

may 8th 2006 the abington banquets in glen ellen illinois

519

i want to find my now wife while her and her friends are making fun of my older

520

So I could be like, hey, be nice.

521

You're going to marry into that family one day.

522

Thank you guys so much.

523

I love you.

524

Good night.

525

Jack Baker, everybody!

✨ Aanbevolen Video

63 zinnen

Over deze les

In deze les oefen je met het nabootsen van spreektaal uit een humoristische video, waarbij je focus op tempo, intonatie en informele uitdrukkingen. Je leert hoe je grappige dialogen natuurlijker maakt en past deze toe in eigen gesprekken. Ideaal voor wie wil verbeteren in gesproken Engels, of zelfs voor IELTS spreekvaardigheid oefenen.

Belangrijke woorden en zinnen

Topped the pyramid: In de cheerleadingcontext betekent dit dat iemand de hoogste positie in de pyramide inneemt (het meest opvallende lid van de groep).
Way out of my league: Iemand is veel attractiever of beter dan jij (bijv. "Zij is veel te goed voor mij").
Cheese fries: Frieten met kaas, een populaire snack in de VS, vaak gebruikt om iemand te kalmeren.
What are you going to do about it?: Een uitdaging ("Wat ga je eraan doen?") die vaak gebruikt wordt in confronterende situaties.
Drunk guy: Een dronken man, een veel voorkomende figuur in humoristische verhalen om absurditeit te creëren.

Praktische tips voor schaduwspreken

Schaduwspreken is een effectieve manier om je spreekvaardigheid te verbeteren. Deze video heeft een snel tempo en een informele toon, dus volg deze stappen:
1. Luister eerst een paar seconden naar de video, dan pauzeer en herhaal direct na de spreker. Let op de intonatie bij grappige momenten (bijv. de opwinding bij "Portillo's?").
2. Focus op het nabootsen van de sfeer: de spreker gebruikt veel sarcasme en exclamaties, dus probeer die energie over te brengen.
3. Herhaal de moeilijkste zinnen (zoals "I want to rub my wiener on your face") meerdere keren totdat ze vloeiend uit je mond gaan.
Een goede shadowing site kan je helpen met het oefenen, maar zelfs met de video zelf kun je veel bereiken. Door regelmatig te oefenen met deze dialoog, word je comfortabeler in informele gesprekken en verbeter je je IELTS spreekvaardigheid.

Grammatica in deze video

De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:

Structuur	In de video
Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — iets dat eerder begon en nog bezig is	we've been training · I've been trying
Voorwaardelijke zinnen if + zin, will/would + werkwoord — een voorwaarde en het gevolg	if I ever went missing, they wouldn't even
Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt	has dedicated · have ever tried · have ever seen
Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet	was told · is frowned · was raised

Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?

Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.

Shadowing-techniek: lees de volledige stap-voor-stap-gids →

Shadowing Practice: Jack Baker | Jack Baker's Disease | A Full Comedy Special - Learn English Speaking with Video

Only Certain People Should Have Long Hair. Gabriel Rutledge

10th Kingdom Wolf & Virginia Part1

Craig Ferguson Wildly Flirting Like Nobody Was Watching

Jimmy O. Yang is now a Sugar Baby | Guess How Much

Jim Carrey’s Joe Biden Impression That Left the Entire Audience Stunned!

BoJack Horseman - Lets get real

Sexy Police? | Max Amini | Stand-up Comedy

Box of Goodies | The Big Bang Theory

Any Australians In? | Jimmy Carr

DON’T FALL ASLEEP AT A MATT RIFE SHOW | crowdwork

How to Survive the Apocalypse | Kiry Shabazz | Stand Up Comedy

Caught Lying in a Job Interview | Charles Engle | Stand Up Comedy

Over deze les

Belangrijke woorden en zinnen

Praktische tips voor schaduwspreken

Grammatica in deze video

Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?