Практика Shadowing: Jack Baker | Jack Baker's Disease | A Full Comedy Special - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео
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Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Jack Baker!
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Thank you, guys. That was...
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Alright.
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Thank you, thank you.
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That is how every show needs to start from here on out.
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That was amazing, guys.
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I wish every crowd was like this i walked on stage
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recently at a show in downstate illinois no one even clapped guy in the front was just like you look jewish
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it's just like i don't feel safe here
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i feel very safe here at tonight in batavia so thank you all all right That's very nice,
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but if you guys do that the whole time, this is going to be a four -hour -long show.
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I am married.
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My wife and I went to the same high school, and in high school, she was a cheerleader, which means that I am fucking cool.
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Take that, football team.
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Turns out my mom was right this whole time.
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And the thing you need to understand, guys, Guys, my wife, she wasn't like no base, either.
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That's right, she topped the pyramid.
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Yeah, I got the best one.
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You guys start showing me a little goddamn respect, okay?
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My wife, she is way out of my league.
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And I know this for a fact, because I was told.
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by a drunk guy at a steak and shake at 2 .30 in the morning.
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He looks at her, he goes, you're really hot.
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He looks at me and goes, you're a bitch.
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And then he said something that I will never forget until the day I die.
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He said, girl, I want to rub my wiener on your face.
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Let's stop and break that down for a second.
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I want to rub my wiener on your face. Who says that, right? Who opens with that?
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That's insane, right?
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Cause like if I was going to make a list out of all the things that I wanted to do
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with my wiener, and a hot girl rubbing it on her face
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would be somewhere in the middle.
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Not this guy.
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He's just like, number one!
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I don't like vaginas.
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I don't like anal.
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How about you give me one of them? cheek jobs, girl.
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Maybe later, shit's gonna get real crazy.
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I'm gonna hold it above your lip, under your nose.
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Make you a nice penis mustache.
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At this time, this guy, he comes over to our table, sits down next to her, across from me, stares at me and goes,
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what are you going to do about it?
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And so I wrote this joke.
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Thank you.
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Yeah, who's the bitch now?
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My wife and I don't fight because we are better than all of you.
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Here's the secret, fellas.
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Here's the secret.
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Any time my wife even kind of starts to get mad, I just go, Portillo's?
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Cheese fries, that's the answer.
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That and not having children.
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I could never fight with my wife, though.
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She's just, like, too good of a person.
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She's a much better person than I am.
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Like, my wife has dedicated her life to educating little suburban demons.
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Thank you.
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With names like Skylar and Aiden.
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And then I tell strangers about the time I shit my pants at an Aldi.
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So we both contribute, but in different ways.
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My wife and I, we're very different people.
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We're very different.
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Like, she is very pretty, and I look like a Weezer song came to life.
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The clapping was a little much.
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We are different in a lot of ways.
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Like, my wife is very religious, and I am correct.
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Ooh, some people didn't like that joke.
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We just had a lot of different experiences, her and I.
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You know, like she went to a private Christian college and I went to Northern Illinois University.
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No. That is way more than that school deserves.
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Let's put it this way, just by being here tonight, I am now the front runner for the Husky Alumni of the Year Award.
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We had different experiences in college.
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Like one time, my wife got a two -day suspension from college for being in a boys' dorm room.
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That did not happen at Northern Illinois University.
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Like I one time had 14 people in my dorm smoking pot, doing shots.
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Not one person got in trouble because I was the RA.
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Thank you.
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And don't forget, you guys have a leader up here today, okay?
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My wife, she is a very short lady.
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She is four feet, 11 inches tall.
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If I'm rounding up.
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She's 4 '10".
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She looks kind of like you took an average -sized woman and accidentally sent her through the dryer.
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But, like, in a sexy way.
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Like you put a little extra snuggle in that load, you know what I'm saying?
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I like that she's short.
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It led to this really beautiful moment when I proposed, right?
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Because I got down on one knee and I looked her straight in the eye.
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Now we're together forever.
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There's one time when we first started dating, right?
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She comes up to me, she goes, Jack, I know how to do a jujitsu chokehold.
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And I said, well, you have to show me.
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Cause this is gonna be adorable.
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I figured she'd have to like push over a chair, kind of, like, climb up, end up hanging off the back of my neck, kind of like a sexy little backpack.
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Her feet kicking in the breeze.
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This was not the case.
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All of a sudden, her and I, both down on the ground.
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She's got her two legs wrapped around my face.
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And it went from adorable to pretty fucking hot.
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she's like I'm gonna squeeze you now I'm just like yeah you are
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she's like I'm gonna choke you I'm just like you choke me as hard as you need to girl
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and she did and dislocated my shoulder that is the story of how my tiny wife beats me up
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when we got married I didn't care if my wife took my last name when we got married
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yeah thank you you know what it's not a big deal
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to me I mean she's a baker she's a smith I'm
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a baker it's not like the families are in danger of dying out anytime soon I think it's weird,
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though, that guys still care so much about the last name thing.
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Like, for some guys, that's a deal -breaker, and I want to know how often they think they're going to be referring to their wives by her first
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and last name.
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Like, at home, my wife and I, we don't even use first names.
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We just start talking, and it's assumed we're not talking to ourselves.
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A lot of her friends and family, though, assumed that she was going to take my last name.
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at our wedding, when they wrote us checks as gifts.
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And we got 34 checks to Jack and Colleen Baker.
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It's like, well, that's a problem.
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Her name's Colleen Smith.
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Also, fun fact for all of you, my real name is not Jack, it's John.
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Which means we got 34 checks to two people who don't legally exist.
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The next day we're just like, what the fuck do we do with these?
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We didn't want to start the marriage off washing checks.
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and was not on the honeymoon itinerary.
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My mom was like, take it to the bank.
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Okay, I don't know if you guys have ever tried to deposit a check that does not have your name on it, but it is frowned upon.
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We got into a real long, heated argument with the branch manager, Linda.
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And after hours of disagreement, here's the solution they came up with for us, right?
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On the back of each check, Colleen Baker had to sign it over to Colleen Smith, who had to sign it over to Jack Baker, who had to sign it over to John Baker.
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All in that tiny little space above that fucking line.
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It was not fun.
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But the thank you notes were so much fun.
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Thank you so much for this wonderful gift of a logistical nightmare at PNC Bank for only $25.
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Hope you enjoyed your $65 chicken piccata, you cheap, misogynistic piece of shit.
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Love, Jack.
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I do all the cooking and cleaning at our house.
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Yeah, thank you.
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I learned something about myself, and that is that I would have made a great housewife in the 50s.
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I get that a lot of women back then were unhappy, man, but I think it sounds pretty good, right?
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Like, if you told me that I never had to leave the house, and all I had to do was cook and clean,
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and the doctors would just give me amphetamines?
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Be like, where do I sign up?
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I would so gladly trade places with a woman from the 50s if I could.
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Like, Susan Jones, you come to the future, be whatever you want to be.
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I will take your place in 1957 and have the time of my life
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as the gossipiest bitch the suburbs have ever seen.
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I was raised on reality TV.
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Those 50s broads aren't ready for the hurricane coming their way.
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I'm about to rule that PTA with an iron fist.
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Don't cross me, Maude.
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I will tell the FBI that you're a communist.
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And then blow your husband.
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What are you gonna do about it?
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Our favorite show is the television program, Survivor.
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Yeah, we just love eating chips while watching people starve.
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During the pandemic, we watched 40 seasons.
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Yeah, we used our time productively.
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I bring it up now because in season 39, episode 11, I saw the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life, right?
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Eight castaways have been stranded on an island in Fiji for 30 days.
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They are starving.
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You have literally just watched their bodies waste away.
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And then the host, Jeff Probst, comes out.
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And he's like, all right, the team who wins today's challenge will be rewarded with a feast provided by Applebee's.
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And they lost their fucking minds.
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He said, Applebee's, they start jumping up and down.
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They're so excited.
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One guy was like, Oh, we eating good in the neighborhood tonight.
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Unprompted.
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One girl cried tears of joy.
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Meanwhile, at home, I could not stop laughing. Was I high?
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Yes, I was.
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But that does not change the fact that Applebee's paid CBS Yes,
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hundreds of thousands of dollars to remind everyone that the only way to get people
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excited about eating Applebee's is to starve them for 30 days first.
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Because they were in Fiji.
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There's no Applebee's in Fiji.
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I checked.
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That means they had to fly in Applebee's.
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That means somewhere along the way, a production assistant had to go to Customs to declare eight two for 20s.
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I think that's beautiful.
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The other day I came home and my wife was watching the Disney movie Cinderella.
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It's her favorite of the Disney princesses.
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And she got mad at me because I think the evil step -mom is right.
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I do.
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Cinderella should have to clean the whole house.
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She's the dumbass who keeps letting all those woodland creatures inside.
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Why would that be anyone else's responsibility to clean up after her?
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I don't feel bad for that privileged little rich girl one bit.
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Glad someone had enough good sense to finally teach her the value of a goddamn hard day's work.
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My wife was like, you just have to make one of your little jokes about everything, don't you?
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Always with the jokes.
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Don't let anything pass you, Mr. Funny Man.
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And I was like, Portillo's?
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And then we were good.
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Tell you more about me, I'm allergic to milk.
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Yeah, no one's ever surprised to learn that about me.
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I just look like a guy who would be allergic to milk.
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Hell, any time I look in the mirror, I get surprised I'm not also allergic to gluten.
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And I'm really allergic, too.
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None of that lactose intolerance bullshit.
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I'm not one of those fucking pussies.
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I'm allergic, man.
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I am so allergic to milk that if I ever went missing, they wouldn't even be able to put my picture.
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That joke is so good, I didn't even need to do the punchline.
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I've been allergic to milk since I was five years old.
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My older sister has been allergic to milk since the day she was born.
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When I was three years old, I thought the funniest thing in the world was spitting milk at my allergic older sister.
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I turned five, became allergic, and learned that karma's a fucking bitch.
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The thing you need to understand, it was way harder to have a food allergy when I was a kid.
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No one cared about food allergies in the 90s.
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Like, can I get that without cheese?
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They're just like, what are you, queer?
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To be fair, they still do that in Wisconsin.
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They do.
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No one knew what to do with food allergies back then.
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No one knew what to do.
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I remember when I was in fifth grade, we were having one of those classroom parties, right?
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and I was about to eat something
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and one of the volunteer moms came running over she was like jack you can't have
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that there's eggs in it I was like oh no are they cow eggs and she had to go check
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it was one of the best moments of my life That would never happen in a classroom nowadays, man.
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Shit's changed now.
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Every classroom's got a real strict allergy policy.
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You know, they're like, don't share food.
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Wash your hands.
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If you bring peanuts to school, we will charge you with a hate crime.
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It's crazy how much progress we've made.
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Thanks to heroes like me.
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you know it's a different world for food allergies in 2023 you know
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if you have ever seen a white lady order gluten -free
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bread at a suburban sandwich shop before she even finishes the words gluten -free you see the staff gets
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that look on their face This is what we've been training for.
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The cashier reaches under the counter to trigger the silent alarm.
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The manager emerges from the back, and you know he's in charge because he's got a different colored polo than the rest of the team.
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He just kind of carries himself with that confidence that says, You will not yelp us today, Karen.
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And they get the special gluten -free bread out of the special gluten -free bread box.
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They all have on the special gluten -free gloves and gluten -free hazmat suits.
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I'm thinking about going gluten -free just so these assholes start taking better care of my sandwiches.
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Like, wait, were you really gonna cut my sandwich with the same knife you used to cut all of the other sandwiches?
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He was like, it's okay, sir.
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I was going to wipe it on this gross rag first.
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It's like, that makes me feel much better.
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I think some of the food stuff has gone too far.
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Some of it has, because now there's like an expectation that I'm supposed to accommodate people's food preferences.
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Not allergies, preferences.
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I don't think so.
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You gonna have a vegan option at your wedding?
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Did you have a dairy -free option at your seventh birthday party?
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Now you served pizza, cake, and ice cream.
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So how about you sit there
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and you pick the bacon bits out of your side salad until you fucking like it, Gavin.
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I had an experience with milk.
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I did.
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The last time was in my NIU days.
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Don't fucking cheer for it again.
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That's how you know someone has an NIU education.
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I was at a party, guys.
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I was drunk.
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I was so drunk that a young lady convinced me that there was no milk in whipped cream.
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She wanted me to lick that whipped cream off her breasts, and I did, because I'm a people pleaser.
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I got sick Real sick I could have died And part of me wishes that I did
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Because that would have been The greatest eulogy ever Jack died doing what he loved.
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Licking titties.
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I've been trying to get healthy.
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I knew I needed to make some changes because the other day I pooped so hard I gained weight. Has that ever happened?
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Like, I don't know if you guys are like me.
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Sometimes when I feel like a really big poop coming on, I want to know how big.
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So pre -poop, I got on the scale.
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163 .2 pounds.
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Post -poop, I got back on the scale.
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163 .4 pounds.
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I don't know a lot about the human body but
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that shit ain't right it's hard man it's hard trying to get healthy especially for me
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because I was just born with like a really weak shitty body it's like the stork brought my parents a lemon.
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I'm allergic to milk.
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Guys, I can't have butter.
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I can't even have, I can't believe it's not butter.
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I have a chronic headache disorder.
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I have ulcerative colitis.
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Thank God I was born a millennial.
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Guys, I don't think I would have made it if I'd grown up any time before kids got seat belts.
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I am not cut out for the past.
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I have prescription toothpaste.
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Guys, can you imagine me back in the Oregon Trail days?
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I would have died before we left Kansas.
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Like, oh, you got a wagon up.
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Jack died of dysentery.
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I was in high school I got an ulcer on the cornea of my eye I didn't even know
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that was a thing that could happen like ulcers that's the thing
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that kids get they're so stressed you know they get holes in their stomach I was
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so sick and miserable that my eyes were just like he doesn't need to see this it's shut it down.
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Got a headache disorder.
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It's a very rare condition called new daily persistent headache.
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It is so rare that it has given me a new goal in comedy, which is to get so famous that they rename it after me.
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Some of these comedians, they come up here trying to express themselves create art get laughs
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because it's like the approval they never got from their dad
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growing up not me I do this shit for the fame I do this
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because one day I am going to be so famous
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that it is going to ruin some kids future when and he finds out he's got Jack Baker's disease.
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Thank you, you guys are helping me get there.
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Hashtag Jack Baker's disease.
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It's gonna go viral.
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Like Jack Baker's disease.
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I've got the ulcerative colitis now.
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If you don't know, ulcerative colitis is like a real fun condition where I always either have to poop or fart, but never quite know which one's coming out.
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With ulcerative colitis, your life is just one never -ending game of chicken with your colon.
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But in this game of chicken, you don't get hit by a car.
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You just shit your pants at an Aldi.
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Guys, I shit my pants at an Aldi
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And this isn't one of those stories like I was seven and had a whoopsie
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I am 33 years old I shit my pants like a man Here's the thing I wasn't even grocery shopping that day
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It was my lunch break driving back to the office from Panda Express, my first mistake.
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I got that feeling, you know, that rumble in the tum -tum.
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Like, oh shit, storms are brewing.
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It was too far to make it back to the office, so I had to improvise.
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To my left, there was an Aldi grocery store.
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To my right, gas station.
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Not great options.
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Both better than the front seat of my 2014 Honda Civic. But not by much.
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It's like Aldi, hmm, do I need a quarter for the bathroom?
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Or is that just carts?
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Gas station, gross.
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So I chose the Aldi.
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I figured it would have a nicer bathroom.
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And I was right.
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It was freshly renovated.
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There was like a little Glade plug -in in the corner.
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Everything was perfect.
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Except for the fucking old guy in the stall taking his sweet goddamn time.
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Because he wasn't even pooping.
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He was playing Candy Crush on his phone.
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I know because he left the volume on like a fucking monster. And here I am.
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It's DEF CON 1.
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I didn't have time to go anywhere else.
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Hell, I was barely able to waddle my way into that bathroom.
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Cheeks clenched, hands holding it together right across the front of the store.
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I don't care who saw me.
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It was Glen Ellyn, Illinois.
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Who gives a fuck?
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I'm sweating.
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I'm scared.
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What do you do?
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What do you do?
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And it's in these kind of life or death situations that you learn who you are as a man.
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Because in this moment the only thought going through my head is should I shit in the garbage can?
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And I thought about it for longer than you all would have liked.
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But I couldn't do it because the Aldi was too nice.
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So as I'm standing there with tiny pieces of shit falling down the side of my leg, don't groan.
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You knew where the story was going.
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it wasn't even foreshadowing i told you the ending first
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i cleaned myself up as i'm throwing those covered boxers in the aforementioned garbage can It's like,
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if only I'd chosen the gas station.
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So if there's anything to take home from my set tonight, please make it this.
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If you ever find yourself in an emergency pooping scenario, always go gas station.
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Because you can't poop in the garbage can at a grocery store, but you can at any BP across this great goddamn country.
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Thank you.
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I had a really weird childhood.
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Sorry, there's no way to transition out of the Aldi story.
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So we're just going straight to weird childhood.
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I did.
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I had a really weird childhood, right?
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Like, growing up, my dad had a really bad drinking problem, right?
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And he bankrupted our family, and things got so bad that the rest of us had to flee the state to get away from him.
360
And he was still my favorite parent.
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Look, that joke's not nice to my mom, but she made me do the dishes.
362
my dad took me to odyssey fun world who am i going to pick i love my family
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because my wife says i have to i do her family they love each other
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and they say it to each other out loud fucking weirdos
365
she was on the phone with her brother she was like I love you
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I'm just like what you think your family's better than mine
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her brother was like I love you too I'm just like fuck they are
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that's what I learned five years of being married my wife's family's better than mine they have a lake house
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we just had a house our neighborhood was called summer lakes but there were no lakes No,
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they just knew no one would live in a place called Summer Retention Ponds.
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Her family, they have a much better work ethic than we do.
372
That's the difference.
373
No joke, their motto is, why do tomorrow what you could get done today?
374
It was a big adjustment because our family motto was, why do tomorrow what you could put off for so long you forgot it was ever a priority in the first place.
375
Put it this way, growing up, our house was the one that lowered our neighbor's property values.
376
Projects weren't something we finished.
377
Now we started, then my mom would go, it'll still be there tomorrow.
378
And it was every tomorrow until we moved.
379
I don't know, I think our problem was we didn't have a lot of adult supervision when I was a kid.
380
My mom's a single mom, she had to work.
381
which meant she was never home
382
so we were left in the care of a random ass assortment of adults
383
and slash or children who were only slightly older than we were
384
why did we not learn a good work ethic probably
385
because you can't learn that from a 13 year old when you're 11.
386
the best babysitter we ever had he was a felon you
387
know the most recent entry on his resume prior to baker family babysitter was the mess hall at joliet state penitentiary
388
and he wasn't like no white collar criminal either no tax
389
cheat could keep those rowdy baker kids in line he robbed a convenience store with a gun
390
so when he said clean your room or else he fucking meant it.
391
How'd he get the job?
392
Good question.
393
He was my mom's boyfriend.
394
So you don't need to be concerned.
395
It's not like she pulled a random phone number off a telephone pole.
396
There wasn't like some shady babysitting agency in the 90s that just lied about background checks.
397
Now, he got the job by sleeping with the hiring manager, same as we'd all do.
398
How'd they meet?
399
Another good question.
400
He was my dad's roommate in rehab.
401
Which is not a joke, just something my therapist said I should talk about more.
402
That actually is a joke.
403
I don't go to therapy.
404
Sometimes I think I should.
405
I don't know.
406
Looking back on my childhood, I think it's a miracle I was only arrested the one time.
407
I did.
408
I was 23.
409
Got a DUI.
410
Which is crazy, because I look like I could still be trying to honor my DARE class pledge.
411
I learned from the experience.
412
I hope you guys can learn some things, too.
413
Here's something I learned.
414
You know that you were too drunk to drive
415
when the only way you know what town you're in is by reading the uniform of the cop that pulled you over.
416
You know that you were way too drunk to drive
417
when you think it's a good idea to give that piece of information to the cop that pulled you over, which I did.
418
he goes you know where you are right now
419
and I said Downers Grove he said are you sure and I said that's what your shirt says
420
which is not how you talk your way out of a DUI but it was flawless deductive recently.
421
When you get a DUI, they take your car, right?
422
And when they do that, they have to make a list of all of your possessions.
423
And on mine, the cop just wrote, nothing of value.
424
Talk about kicking someone while they're down.
425
Right?
426
And they did not know I had very valuable possessions in my car at the time, it was drugs.
427
And then before the cop asked me, he was like, do you have anything we should know about?
428
And I was like, no. And they believed me because I'm white.
429
Guys, they never found the drugs, which means the next day when I picked up my car from the police impound,
430
I stole my drugs back from the cops.
431
Thank you.
432
That's right.
433
That's like some low -grade action hero shit.
434
And I did that.
435
That's the kind of thing you could see Steven Seagal do
436
in a movie on TNT at 2 o 'clock in the afternoon.
437
The only difference between me and Steven in those movies is that he didn't have to get a ride from his mom. Which I did.
438
I paid, I had to pay $500 for them to release my car back to me, right?
439
I paid with my credit card, and then for some reason, on my online banking, my bank classified that purchase as groceries.
440
I don't know what kind of grocery shopping they thought I was doing,
441
but I got double points. So it was awesome.
442
Right, but here's the thing.
443
I one time got a fraud alert text, buying gas two blocks from my house.
444
I want to know what was going through the mind of the fraud alert specialist.
445
And he's like, gas by his house?
446
Pretty suspicious.
447
Oh, $500 worth of police groceries.
448
Well, that's perfectly normal behavior.
449
When you get a DUI, you have to do something called a drug and alcohol evaluation, right?
450
Which is where you go and you meet with a probation officer, and they ask you all kinds of questions about drugs, and then you lie to them.
451
She was like, do you ever use drugs when you're sad?
452
I just celebrate all the time.
453
In fact, I got myself hooked on oxycodone because I was just so happy
454
I had to keep numbing myself from all that joy that I was feeling.
455
And that's how you get the minimum in the state of Illinois.
456
Where did it go wrong, Jack?
457
Where did it all go wrong?
458
I think I know the answer.
459
It is that my family is super into going to renaissance fairs.
460
They love the renaissance fairs so much, I thought the word fair ended in E until I was 12.
461
When I was 13, my mom got remarried, had a renaissance -themed wedding.
462
Half the people showed up in costume.
463
The other half were not happy to be there.
464
my family loves the renaissance fair so much that
465
when i was a kid on saturdays
466
and sundays getting to the fair as soon as it opened was their number one priority in the day
467
which means they put their costumes on first thing
468
and wore them through whatever else they had to do before before it was time to leave.
469
What I am trying to tell you all right now is that my mom and my stepdad wore Renaissance costumes to church.
470
I don't think you guys heard the words.
471
Wore Renaissance costumes to church.
472
Guys, my mom's character at the Renaissance Fair is a wench.
473
That means every Sunday, my mom went to go praise God dressed like a beer -serving whore.
474
Sometimes people will be like, hey, Jack, how did you get into stand -up comedy?
475
That, right there.
476
After that, it was either this or serial killer.
477
There were no other options.
478
And guys, this wasn't like one of those cool progressive churches
479
that you see on tv where like the pastor has a sleeve of tattoos
480
and sits in a chair that's as backwards as his hat no it was a lutheran church trinity lutheran church
481
in lyle illinois find them on facebook and ask about it i am sure they will remember
482
I really need you guys to imagine this right now right
483
like really imagine like you know church right you know church
484
you got the guy up there in the robes there's like an organ
485
or sometimes a really crappy backing band you know you always got white ladies singing like this
486
you know because they're the holiest one and everyone else needs to know right
487
and you're coming in it's late as usual timmy couldn't find his church shoes again right
488
and it's hard to find an open seat
489
because everyone sits on the end of the aisle
490
and doesn't want to scoot in you know like how jesus would do
491
so you gotta kind of shuffle past you know there's like
492
a guy in a suit a little boy in a suit that's too big for him
493
and then you get to a man in tights and a feathered hat. And his tavern floozy.
494
And then young Jack Baker trying to hang himself with a Bible.
495
Guys, have you ever seen One of these fucking renaissance people, in costume, not at the renaissance fair.
496
Nerds aren't supposed to have that much confidence.
497
During the week, just a mild -mannered IT consultant, put him in some tights Saturday morning,
498
all of a sudden he's strutting around like the Duke of Walmart, shit's not natural.
499
My biggest fear growing up was
500
that all the other kids at school would find out this is what my family was into.
501
I was not cool enough to survive something like that.
502
I already got called Harry Potter a lot.
503
I didn't need those kids knowing my parents actually hung out with wizards.
504
And it was hard, right?
505
Because my older sister loved the Renaissance Fair.
506
so much that when her high school English class learned about Shakespeare,
507
she wore her costume to school as a demonstration for the class.
508
Two years later, when my class learned about Shakespeare, she was like, hey, Jack, do you want me to wear the costume and do the demonstration for your class?
509
It's like, if you wear those fucking clothes, To my class, I will spit milk at you again, kill us both.
510
Thank you.
511
She wore a renaissance dress to her senior prom.
512
It was not a renaissance -themed prom.
513
No, the theme was under the sea.
514
The thing you need to know is my wife and I went to the same high school.
515
And my wife was older than me, so she was in the same graduating class as my older sister.
516
Which means that my wife was at the prom with the, quote, weird girl in the old -timey clothes.
517
and now the thing i want most in life is a time machine so i can go back to that prom
518
may 8th 2006 the abington banquets in glen ellen illinois
519
i want to find my now wife while her and her friends are making fun of my older
520
So I could be like, hey, be nice.
521
You're going to marry into that family one day.
522
Thank you guys so much.
523
I love you.
524
Good night.
525
Jack Baker, everybody!
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Цели говорения для этого клипа
Этот видеоклип идеально подходит для развития разговорной spontанности и интонации в повседневной речи. Диалог комика демонстрирует естественную речь с сокращениями, эмоциональными оттенками и быстрым темпом, что помогает улучшить навыки shadow speech — повторения речи за носителем. Это отличный материал для тех, кто хочет учить английский по видео, тренируя не только понимание, но и воспроизведение живой речи.
Банк фраз
- "That's how every show needs to start from here on out" — "Так должен начинаться каждый показ с этого момента" (используется для оценки начала события).
- "She was way out of my league" — "Она была намного выше моей категории" (выражает разницу в статусе или привлекательности).
- "What are you going to do about it?" — "Что ты с этим сделаешь?" (провокационный вопрос в конфликте).
- "Any time my wife even kind of starts to get mad, I just go..." — "Каждый раз, когда моя жена даже начинает злиться, я просто говорю..." (описание реакции на конфликт).
Исправьте свои слабые места
Особое внимание уделите ритму и ударениям в речи. Комик использует быстрые переходы между фразами, иногда с пропуском слов (например, "it's just like" вместо "it is just like"), что характерно для разговорного английского. Тренируйте shadowing — повторяйте фразы сразу после комика, пытаясь скопировать его интонацию и темп. Это поможет улучшить вашу речевую плавность и сделать речь более естественной. Для эффективной практики используйте shadowing site, где можно записывать себя и сравнивать с оригиналом. Помните: ключевой момент — не только правильно произносить слова, но и передать эмоциональную окраску, которая делает речь живой.
Грамматика в этом видео
Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:
| Конструкция | В видео |
|---|---|
| Present Perfect Continuous have/has been + -ing — действие началось раньше и продолжается | we've been training · I've been trying |
| Условные предложения if + предложение, will/would + глагол — условие и его результат | if I ever went missing, they wouldn't even |
| Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас | has dedicated · have ever tried · have ever seen |
| Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает | was told · is frowned · was raised |
Что такое техника Shadowing?
Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.