Luyện nói tiếng Anh bằng Shadowing qua video: Jack Baker | Jack Baker's Disease | A Full Comedy Special
Chọn chế độ luyện tập
Mỗi chế độ mở một phòng luyện tập toàn màn hình.
525 câu
Nếu các câu quá ngắn hoặc quá dài, hãy bấm Edit để chỉnh sửa.
1
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Jack Baker!
2
Thank you, guys. That was...
3
Alright.
4
Thank you, thank you.
5
That is how every show needs to start from here on out.
6
That was amazing, guys.
7
I wish every crowd was like this i walked on stage
8
recently at a show in downstate illinois no one even clapped guy in the front was just like you look jewish
9
it's just like i don't feel safe here
10
i feel very safe here at tonight in batavia so thank you all all right That's very nice,
11
but if you guys do that the whole time, this is going to be a four -hour -long show.
12
I am married.
13
My wife and I went to the same high school, and in high school, she was a cheerleader, which means that I am fucking cool.
14
Take that, football team.
15
Turns out my mom was right this whole time.
16
And the thing you need to understand, guys, Guys, my wife, she wasn't like no base, either.
17
That's right, she topped the pyramid.
18
Yeah, I got the best one.
19
You guys start showing me a little goddamn respect, okay?
20
My wife, she is way out of my league.
21
And I know this for a fact, because I was told.
22
by a drunk guy at a steak and shake at 2 .30 in the morning.
23
He looks at her, he goes, you're really hot.
24
He looks at me and goes, you're a bitch.
25
And then he said something that I will never forget until the day I die.
26
He said, girl, I want to rub my wiener on your face.
27
Let's stop and break that down for a second.
28
I want to rub my wiener on your face. Who says that, right? Who opens with that?
29
That's insane, right?
30
Cause like if I was going to make a list out of all the things that I wanted to do
31
with my wiener, and a hot girl rubbing it on her face
32
would be somewhere in the middle.
33
Not this guy.
34
He's just like, number one!
35
I don't like vaginas.
36
I don't like anal.
37
How about you give me one of them? cheek jobs, girl.
38
Maybe later, shit's gonna get real crazy.
39
I'm gonna hold it above your lip, under your nose.
40
Make you a nice penis mustache.
41
At this time, this guy, he comes over to our table, sits down next to her, across from me, stares at me and goes,
42
what are you going to do about it?
43
And so I wrote this joke.
44
Thank you.
45
Yeah, who's the bitch now?
46
My wife and I don't fight because we are better than all of you.
47
Here's the secret, fellas.
48
Here's the secret.
49
Any time my wife even kind of starts to get mad, I just go, Portillo's?
50
Cheese fries, that's the answer.
51
That and not having children.
52
I could never fight with my wife, though.
53
She's just, like, too good of a person.
54
She's a much better person than I am.
55
Like, my wife has dedicated her life to educating little suburban demons.
56
Thank you.
57
With names like Skylar and Aiden.
58
And then I tell strangers about the time I shit my pants at an Aldi.
59
So we both contribute, but in different ways.
60
My wife and I, we're very different people.
61
We're very different.
62
Like, she is very pretty, and I look like a Weezer song came to life.
63
The clapping was a little much.
64
We are different in a lot of ways.
65
Like, my wife is very religious, and I am correct.
66
Ooh, some people didn't like that joke.
67
We just had a lot of different experiences, her and I.
68
You know, like she went to a private Christian college and I went to Northern Illinois University.
69
No. That is way more than that school deserves.
70
Let's put it this way, just by being here tonight, I am now the front runner for the Husky Alumni of the Year Award.
71
We had different experiences in college.
72
Like one time, my wife got a two -day suspension from college for being in a boys' dorm room.
73
That did not happen at Northern Illinois University.
74
Like I one time had 14 people in my dorm smoking pot, doing shots.
75
Not one person got in trouble because I was the RA.
76
Thank you.
77
And don't forget, you guys have a leader up here today, okay?
78
My wife, she is a very short lady.
79
She is four feet, 11 inches tall.
80
If I'm rounding up.
81
She's 4 '10".
82
She looks kind of like you took an average -sized woman and accidentally sent her through the dryer.
83
But, like, in a sexy way.
84
Like you put a little extra snuggle in that load, you know what I'm saying?
85
I like that she's short.
86
It led to this really beautiful moment when I proposed, right?
87
Because I got down on one knee and I looked her straight in the eye.
88
Now we're together forever.
89
There's one time when we first started dating, right?
90
She comes up to me, she goes, Jack, I know how to do a jujitsu chokehold.
91
And I said, well, you have to show me.
92
Cause this is gonna be adorable.
93
I figured she'd have to like push over a chair, kind of, like, climb up, end up hanging off the back of my neck, kind of like a sexy little backpack.
94
Her feet kicking in the breeze.
95
This was not the case.
96
All of a sudden, her and I, both down on the ground.
97
She's got her two legs wrapped around my face.
98
And it went from adorable to pretty fucking hot.
99
she's like I'm gonna squeeze you now I'm just like yeah you are
100
she's like I'm gonna choke you I'm just like you choke me as hard as you need to girl
101
and she did and dislocated my shoulder that is the story of how my tiny wife beats me up
102
when we got married I didn't care if my wife took my last name when we got married
103
yeah thank you you know what it's not a big deal
104
to me I mean she's a baker she's a smith I'm
105
a baker it's not like the families are in danger of dying out anytime soon I think it's weird,
106
though, that guys still care so much about the last name thing.
107
Like, for some guys, that's a deal -breaker, and I want to know how often they think they're going to be referring to their wives by her first
108
and last name.
109
Like, at home, my wife and I, we don't even use first names.
110
We just start talking, and it's assumed we're not talking to ourselves.
111
A lot of her friends and family, though, assumed that she was going to take my last name.
112
at our wedding, when they wrote us checks as gifts.
113
And we got 34 checks to Jack and Colleen Baker.
114
It's like, well, that's a problem.
115
Her name's Colleen Smith.
116
Also, fun fact for all of you, my real name is not Jack, it's John.
117
Which means we got 34 checks to two people who don't legally exist.
118
The next day we're just like, what the fuck do we do with these?
119
We didn't want to start the marriage off washing checks.
120
and was not on the honeymoon itinerary.
121
My mom was like, take it to the bank.
122
Okay, I don't know if you guys have ever tried to deposit a check that does not have your name on it, but it is frowned upon.
123
We got into a real long, heated argument with the branch manager, Linda.
124
And after hours of disagreement, here's the solution they came up with for us, right?
125
On the back of each check, Colleen Baker had to sign it over to Colleen Smith, who had to sign it over to Jack Baker, who had to sign it over to John Baker.
126
All in that tiny little space above that fucking line.
127
It was not fun.
128
But the thank you notes were so much fun.
129
Thank you so much for this wonderful gift of a logistical nightmare at PNC Bank for only $25.
130
Hope you enjoyed your $65 chicken piccata, you cheap, misogynistic piece of shit.
131
Love, Jack.
132
I do all the cooking and cleaning at our house.
133
Yeah, thank you.
134
I learned something about myself, and that is that I would have made a great housewife in the 50s.
135
I get that a lot of women back then were unhappy, man, but I think it sounds pretty good, right?
136
Like, if you told me that I never had to leave the house, and all I had to do was cook and clean,
137
and the doctors would just give me amphetamines?
138
Be like, where do I sign up?
139
I would so gladly trade places with a woman from the 50s if I could.
140
Like, Susan Jones, you come to the future, be whatever you want to be.
141
I will take your place in 1957 and have the time of my life
142
as the gossipiest bitch the suburbs have ever seen.
143
I was raised on reality TV.
144
Those 50s broads aren't ready for the hurricane coming their way.
145
I'm about to rule that PTA with an iron fist.
146
Don't cross me, Maude.
147
I will tell the FBI that you're a communist.
148
And then blow your husband.
149
What are you gonna do about it?
150
Our favorite show is the television program, Survivor.
151
Yeah, we just love eating chips while watching people starve.
152
During the pandemic, we watched 40 seasons.
153
Yeah, we used our time productively.
154
I bring it up now because in season 39, episode 11, I saw the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life, right?
155
Eight castaways have been stranded on an island in Fiji for 30 days.
156
They are starving.
157
You have literally just watched their bodies waste away.
158
And then the host, Jeff Probst, comes out.
159
And he's like, all right, the team who wins today's challenge will be rewarded with a feast provided by Applebee's.
160
And they lost their fucking minds.
161
He said, Applebee's, they start jumping up and down.
162
They're so excited.
163
One guy was like, Oh, we eating good in the neighborhood tonight.
164
Unprompted.
165
One girl cried tears of joy.
166
Meanwhile, at home, I could not stop laughing. Was I high?
167
Yes, I was.
168
But that does not change the fact that Applebee's paid CBS Yes,
169
hundreds of thousands of dollars to remind everyone that the only way to get people
170
excited about eating Applebee's is to starve them for 30 days first.
171
Because they were in Fiji.
172
There's no Applebee's in Fiji.
173
I checked.
174
That means they had to fly in Applebee's.
175
That means somewhere along the way, a production assistant had to go to Customs to declare eight two for 20s.
176
I think that's beautiful.
177
The other day I came home and my wife was watching the Disney movie Cinderella.
178
It's her favorite of the Disney princesses.
179
And she got mad at me because I think the evil step -mom is right.
180
I do.
181
Cinderella should have to clean the whole house.
182
She's the dumbass who keeps letting all those woodland creatures inside.
183
Why would that be anyone else's responsibility to clean up after her?
184
I don't feel bad for that privileged little rich girl one bit.
185
Glad someone had enough good sense to finally teach her the value of a goddamn hard day's work.
186
My wife was like, you just have to make one of your little jokes about everything, don't you?
187
Always with the jokes.
188
Don't let anything pass you, Mr. Funny Man.
189
And I was like, Portillo's?
190
And then we were good.
191
Tell you more about me, I'm allergic to milk.
192
Yeah, no one's ever surprised to learn that about me.
193
I just look like a guy who would be allergic to milk.
194
Hell, any time I look in the mirror, I get surprised I'm not also allergic to gluten.
195
And I'm really allergic, too.
196
None of that lactose intolerance bullshit.
197
I'm not one of those fucking pussies.
198
I'm allergic, man.
199
I am so allergic to milk that if I ever went missing, they wouldn't even be able to put my picture.
200
That joke is so good, I didn't even need to do the punchline.
201
I've been allergic to milk since I was five years old.
202
My older sister has been allergic to milk since the day she was born.
203
When I was three years old, I thought the funniest thing in the world was spitting milk at my allergic older sister.
204
I turned five, became allergic, and learned that karma's a fucking bitch.
205
The thing you need to understand, it was way harder to have a food allergy when I was a kid.
206
No one cared about food allergies in the 90s.
207
Like, can I get that without cheese?
208
They're just like, what are you, queer?
209
To be fair, they still do that in Wisconsin.
210
They do.
211
No one knew what to do with food allergies back then.
212
No one knew what to do.
213
I remember when I was in fifth grade, we were having one of those classroom parties, right?
214
and I was about to eat something
215
and one of the volunteer moms came running over she was like jack you can't have
216
that there's eggs in it I was like oh no are they cow eggs and she had to go check
217
it was one of the best moments of my life That would never happen in a classroom nowadays, man.
218
Shit's changed now.
219
Every classroom's got a real strict allergy policy.
220
You know, they're like, don't share food.
221
Wash your hands.
222
If you bring peanuts to school, we will charge you with a hate crime.
223
It's crazy how much progress we've made.
224
Thanks to heroes like me.
225
you know it's a different world for food allergies in 2023 you know
226
if you have ever seen a white lady order gluten -free
227
bread at a suburban sandwich shop before she even finishes the words gluten -free you see the staff gets
228
that look on their face This is what we've been training for.
229
The cashier reaches under the counter to trigger the silent alarm.
230
The manager emerges from the back, and you know he's in charge because he's got a different colored polo than the rest of the team.
231
He just kind of carries himself with that confidence that says, You will not yelp us today, Karen.
232
And they get the special gluten -free bread out of the special gluten -free bread box.
233
They all have on the special gluten -free gloves and gluten -free hazmat suits.
234
I'm thinking about going gluten -free just so these assholes start taking better care of my sandwiches.
235
Like, wait, were you really gonna cut my sandwich with the same knife you used to cut all of the other sandwiches?
236
He was like, it's okay, sir.
237
I was going to wipe it on this gross rag first.
238
It's like, that makes me feel much better.
239
I think some of the food stuff has gone too far.
240
Some of it has, because now there's like an expectation that I'm supposed to accommodate people's food preferences.
241
Not allergies, preferences.
242
I don't think so.
243
You gonna have a vegan option at your wedding?
244
Did you have a dairy -free option at your seventh birthday party?
245
Now you served pizza, cake, and ice cream.
246
So how about you sit there
247
and you pick the bacon bits out of your side salad until you fucking like it, Gavin.
248
I had an experience with milk.
249
I did.
250
The last time was in my NIU days.
251
Don't fucking cheer for it again.
252
That's how you know someone has an NIU education.
253
I was at a party, guys.
254
I was drunk.
255
I was so drunk that a young lady convinced me that there was no milk in whipped cream.
256
She wanted me to lick that whipped cream off her breasts, and I did, because I'm a people pleaser.
257
I got sick Real sick I could have died And part of me wishes that I did
258
Because that would have been The greatest eulogy ever Jack died doing what he loved.
259
Licking titties.
260
I've been trying to get healthy.
261
I knew I needed to make some changes because the other day I pooped so hard I gained weight. Has that ever happened?
262
Like, I don't know if you guys are like me.
263
Sometimes when I feel like a really big poop coming on, I want to know how big.
264
So pre -poop, I got on the scale.
265
163 .2 pounds.
266
Post -poop, I got back on the scale.
267
163 .4 pounds.
268
I don't know a lot about the human body but
269
that shit ain't right it's hard man it's hard trying to get healthy especially for me
270
because I was just born with like a really weak shitty body it's like the stork brought my parents a lemon.
271
I'm allergic to milk.
272
Guys, I can't have butter.
273
I can't even have, I can't believe it's not butter.
274
I have a chronic headache disorder.
275
I have ulcerative colitis.
276
Thank God I was born a millennial.
277
Guys, I don't think I would have made it if I'd grown up any time before kids got seat belts.
278
I am not cut out for the past.
279
I have prescription toothpaste.
280
Guys, can you imagine me back in the Oregon Trail days?
281
I would have died before we left Kansas.
282
Like, oh, you got a wagon up.
283
Jack died of dysentery.
284
I was in high school I got an ulcer on the cornea of my eye I didn't even know
285
that was a thing that could happen like ulcers that's the thing
286
that kids get they're so stressed you know they get holes in their stomach I was
287
so sick and miserable that my eyes were just like he doesn't need to see this it's shut it down.
288
Got a headache disorder.
289
It's a very rare condition called new daily persistent headache.
290
It is so rare that it has given me a new goal in comedy, which is to get so famous that they rename it after me.
291
Some of these comedians, they come up here trying to express themselves create art get laughs
292
because it's like the approval they never got from their dad
293
growing up not me I do this shit for the fame I do this
294
because one day I am going to be so famous
295
that it is going to ruin some kids future when and he finds out he's got Jack Baker's disease.
296
Thank you, you guys are helping me get there.
297
Hashtag Jack Baker's disease.
298
It's gonna go viral.
299
Like Jack Baker's disease.
300
I've got the ulcerative colitis now.
301
If you don't know, ulcerative colitis is like a real fun condition where I always either have to poop or fart, but never quite know which one's coming out.
302
With ulcerative colitis, your life is just one never -ending game of chicken with your colon.
303
But in this game of chicken, you don't get hit by a car.
304
You just shit your pants at an Aldi.
305
Guys, I shit my pants at an Aldi
306
And this isn't one of those stories like I was seven and had a whoopsie
307
I am 33 years old I shit my pants like a man Here's the thing I wasn't even grocery shopping that day
308
It was my lunch break driving back to the office from Panda Express, my first mistake.
309
I got that feeling, you know, that rumble in the tum -tum.
310
Like, oh shit, storms are brewing.
311
It was too far to make it back to the office, so I had to improvise.
312
To my left, there was an Aldi grocery store.
313
To my right, gas station.
314
Not great options.
315
Both better than the front seat of my 2014 Honda Civic. But not by much.
316
It's like Aldi, hmm, do I need a quarter for the bathroom?
317
Or is that just carts?
318
Gas station, gross.
319
So I chose the Aldi.
320
I figured it would have a nicer bathroom.
321
And I was right.
322
It was freshly renovated.
323
There was like a little Glade plug -in in the corner.
324
Everything was perfect.
325
Except for the fucking old guy in the stall taking his sweet goddamn time.
326
Because he wasn't even pooping.
327
He was playing Candy Crush on his phone.
328
I know because he left the volume on like a fucking monster. And here I am.
329
It's DEF CON 1.
330
I didn't have time to go anywhere else.
331
Hell, I was barely able to waddle my way into that bathroom.
332
Cheeks clenched, hands holding it together right across the front of the store.
333
I don't care who saw me.
334
It was Glen Ellyn, Illinois.
335
Who gives a fuck?
336
I'm sweating.
337
I'm scared.
338
What do you do?
339
What do you do?
340
And it's in these kind of life or death situations that you learn who you are as a man.
341
Because in this moment the only thought going through my head is should I shit in the garbage can?
342
And I thought about it for longer than you all would have liked.
343
But I couldn't do it because the Aldi was too nice.
344
So as I'm standing there with tiny pieces of shit falling down the side of my leg, don't groan.
345
You knew where the story was going.
346
it wasn't even foreshadowing i told you the ending first
347
i cleaned myself up as i'm throwing those covered boxers in the aforementioned garbage can It's like,
348
if only I'd chosen the gas station.
349
So if there's anything to take home from my set tonight, please make it this.
350
If you ever find yourself in an emergency pooping scenario, always go gas station.
351
Because you can't poop in the garbage can at a grocery store, but you can at any BP across this great goddamn country.
352
Thank you.
353
I had a really weird childhood.
354
Sorry, there's no way to transition out of the Aldi story.
355
So we're just going straight to weird childhood.
356
I did.
357
I had a really weird childhood, right?
358
Like, growing up, my dad had a really bad drinking problem, right?
359
And he bankrupted our family, and things got so bad that the rest of us had to flee the state to get away from him.
360
And he was still my favorite parent.
361
Look, that joke's not nice to my mom, but she made me do the dishes.
362
my dad took me to odyssey fun world who am i going to pick i love my family
363
because my wife says i have to i do her family they love each other
364
and they say it to each other out loud fucking weirdos
365
she was on the phone with her brother she was like I love you
366
I'm just like what you think your family's better than mine
367
her brother was like I love you too I'm just like fuck they are
368
that's what I learned five years of being married my wife's family's better than mine they have a lake house
369
we just had a house our neighborhood was called summer lakes but there were no lakes No,
370
they just knew no one would live in a place called Summer Retention Ponds.
371
Her family, they have a much better work ethic than we do.
372
That's the difference.
373
No joke, their motto is, why do tomorrow what you could get done today?
374
It was a big adjustment because our family motto was, why do tomorrow what you could put off for so long you forgot it was ever a priority in the first place.
375
Put it this way, growing up, our house was the one that lowered our neighbor's property values.
376
Projects weren't something we finished.
377
Now we started, then my mom would go, it'll still be there tomorrow.
378
And it was every tomorrow until we moved.
379
I don't know, I think our problem was we didn't have a lot of adult supervision when I was a kid.
380
My mom's a single mom, she had to work.
381
which meant she was never home
382
so we were left in the care of a random ass assortment of adults
383
and slash or children who were only slightly older than we were
384
why did we not learn a good work ethic probably
385
because you can't learn that from a 13 year old when you're 11.
386
the best babysitter we ever had he was a felon you
387
know the most recent entry on his resume prior to baker family babysitter was the mess hall at joliet state penitentiary
388
and he wasn't like no white collar criminal either no tax
389
cheat could keep those rowdy baker kids in line he robbed a convenience store with a gun
390
so when he said clean your room or else he fucking meant it.
391
How'd he get the job?
392
Good question.
393
He was my mom's boyfriend.
394
So you don't need to be concerned.
395
It's not like she pulled a random phone number off a telephone pole.
396
There wasn't like some shady babysitting agency in the 90s that just lied about background checks.
397
Now, he got the job by sleeping with the hiring manager, same as we'd all do.
398
How'd they meet?
399
Another good question.
400
He was my dad's roommate in rehab.
401
Which is not a joke, just something my therapist said I should talk about more.
402
That actually is a joke.
403
I don't go to therapy.
404
Sometimes I think I should.
405
I don't know.
406
Looking back on my childhood, I think it's a miracle I was only arrested the one time.
407
I did.
408
I was 23.
409
Got a DUI.
410
Which is crazy, because I look like I could still be trying to honor my DARE class pledge.
411
I learned from the experience.
412
I hope you guys can learn some things, too.
413
Here's something I learned.
414
You know that you were too drunk to drive
415
when the only way you know what town you're in is by reading the uniform of the cop that pulled you over.
416
You know that you were way too drunk to drive
417
when you think it's a good idea to give that piece of information to the cop that pulled you over, which I did.
418
he goes you know where you are right now
419
and I said Downers Grove he said are you sure and I said that's what your shirt says
420
which is not how you talk your way out of a DUI but it was flawless deductive recently.
421
When you get a DUI, they take your car, right?
422
And when they do that, they have to make a list of all of your possessions.
423
And on mine, the cop just wrote, nothing of value.
424
Talk about kicking someone while they're down.
425
Right?
426
And they did not know I had very valuable possessions in my car at the time, it was drugs.
427
And then before the cop asked me, he was like, do you have anything we should know about?
428
And I was like, no. And they believed me because I'm white.
429
Guys, they never found the drugs, which means the next day when I picked up my car from the police impound,
430
I stole my drugs back from the cops.
431
Thank you.
432
That's right.
433
That's like some low -grade action hero shit.
434
And I did that.
435
That's the kind of thing you could see Steven Seagal do
436
in a movie on TNT at 2 o 'clock in the afternoon.
437
The only difference between me and Steven in those movies is that he didn't have to get a ride from his mom. Which I did.
438
I paid, I had to pay $500 for them to release my car back to me, right?
439
I paid with my credit card, and then for some reason, on my online banking, my bank classified that purchase as groceries.
440
I don't know what kind of grocery shopping they thought I was doing,
441
but I got double points. So it was awesome.
442
Right, but here's the thing.
443
I one time got a fraud alert text, buying gas two blocks from my house.
444
I want to know what was going through the mind of the fraud alert specialist.
445
And he's like, gas by his house?
446
Pretty suspicious.
447
Oh, $500 worth of police groceries.
448
Well, that's perfectly normal behavior.
449
When you get a DUI, you have to do something called a drug and alcohol evaluation, right?
450
Which is where you go and you meet with a probation officer, and they ask you all kinds of questions about drugs, and then you lie to them.
451
She was like, do you ever use drugs when you're sad?
452
I just celebrate all the time.
453
In fact, I got myself hooked on oxycodone because I was just so happy
454
I had to keep numbing myself from all that joy that I was feeling.
455
And that's how you get the minimum in the state of Illinois.
456
Where did it go wrong, Jack?
457
Where did it all go wrong?
458
I think I know the answer.
459
It is that my family is super into going to renaissance fairs.
460
They love the renaissance fairs so much, I thought the word fair ended in E until I was 12.
461
When I was 13, my mom got remarried, had a renaissance -themed wedding.
462
Half the people showed up in costume.
463
The other half were not happy to be there.
464
my family loves the renaissance fair so much that
465
when i was a kid on saturdays
466
and sundays getting to the fair as soon as it opened was their number one priority in the day
467
which means they put their costumes on first thing
468
and wore them through whatever else they had to do before before it was time to leave.
469
What I am trying to tell you all right now is that my mom and my stepdad wore Renaissance costumes to church.
470
I don't think you guys heard the words.
471
Wore Renaissance costumes to church.
472
Guys, my mom's character at the Renaissance Fair is a wench.
473
That means every Sunday, my mom went to go praise God dressed like a beer -serving whore.
474
Sometimes people will be like, hey, Jack, how did you get into stand -up comedy?
475
That, right there.
476
After that, it was either this or serial killer.
477
There were no other options.
478
And guys, this wasn't like one of those cool progressive churches
479
that you see on tv where like the pastor has a sleeve of tattoos
480
and sits in a chair that's as backwards as his hat no it was a lutheran church trinity lutheran church
481
in lyle illinois find them on facebook and ask about it i am sure they will remember
482
I really need you guys to imagine this right now right
483
like really imagine like you know church right you know church
484
you got the guy up there in the robes there's like an organ
485
or sometimes a really crappy backing band you know you always got white ladies singing like this
486
you know because they're the holiest one and everyone else needs to know right
487
and you're coming in it's late as usual timmy couldn't find his church shoes again right
488
and it's hard to find an open seat
489
because everyone sits on the end of the aisle
490
and doesn't want to scoot in you know like how jesus would do
491
so you gotta kind of shuffle past you know there's like
492
a guy in a suit a little boy in a suit that's too big for him
493
and then you get to a man in tights and a feathered hat. And his tavern floozy.
494
And then young Jack Baker trying to hang himself with a Bible.
495
Guys, have you ever seen One of these fucking renaissance people, in costume, not at the renaissance fair.
496
Nerds aren't supposed to have that much confidence.
497
During the week, just a mild -mannered IT consultant, put him in some tights Saturday morning,
498
all of a sudden he's strutting around like the Duke of Walmart, shit's not natural.
499
My biggest fear growing up was
500
that all the other kids at school would find out this is what my family was into.
501
I was not cool enough to survive something like that.
502
I already got called Harry Potter a lot.
503
I didn't need those kids knowing my parents actually hung out with wizards.
504
And it was hard, right?
505
Because my older sister loved the Renaissance Fair.
506
so much that when her high school English class learned about Shakespeare,
507
she wore her costume to school as a demonstration for the class.
508
Two years later, when my class learned about Shakespeare, she was like, hey, Jack, do you want me to wear the costume and do the demonstration for your class?
509
It's like, if you wear those fucking clothes, To my class, I will spit milk at you again, kill us both.
510
Thank you.
511
She wore a renaissance dress to her senior prom.
512
It was not a renaissance -themed prom.
513
No, the theme was under the sea.
514
The thing you need to know is my wife and I went to the same high school.
515
And my wife was older than me, so she was in the same graduating class as my older sister.
516
Which means that my wife was at the prom with the, quote, weird girl in the old -timey clothes.
517
and now the thing i want most in life is a time machine so i can go back to that prom
518
may 8th 2006 the abington banquets in glen ellen illinois
519
i want to find my now wife while her and her friends are making fun of my older
520
So I could be like, hey, be nice.
521
You're going to marry into that family one day.
522
Thank you guys so much.
523
I love you.
524
Good night.
525
Jack Baker, everybody!
Tải Ứng Dụng
Mọi thứ bạn cần để nói trôi chảy
Chấm điểm AIChấm từng câu nói
Luyện IPAThành thạo mọi âm
Từ vựngMở rộng vốn từ
Game Từ vựngHọc qua chơi
✨ Video gợi ý
B22
56 câu
BoJack Horseman - Lets get real
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
43 câu
Jennifer Lawrence Cannot Handle Jack Whitehall's Poop Story | The Graham Norton Show
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
226 câu
Caught Lying in a Job Interview | Charles Engle | Stand Up Comedy
Interview EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B212
91 câu
Coffee Shop Meet Cute | Meet Joe Black
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
181 câu
How to Survive the Apocalypse | Kiry Shabazz | Stand Up Comedy
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
474 câu
Most Viral in Vancouver | Max Amini | Stand-up Comedy
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
70 câu
Fleabag - Martin's Speech
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
783 câu
Jack Doherty Just F*cking Lost Everything..
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B22
971 câu
Most Hilarious Moments in Season 4: Part 2 | 2 Broke Girls
American AccentBusiness EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B21
125 câu
Joker | What It's Like To Be The Other Guy | ClipZone: Heroes & Villains
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B12
91 câu
The Bob Newhart Toupee Sketch That Broke Dean Martin
Daily ConversationHigh School StudentsUniversity Students
B23
282 câu
Jimmy O. Yang on Dating As An Asian
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
Mục tiêu nói cho đoạn video này
Trong đoạn video hài kịch này, người xem sẽ đạt được một cột mốc quan trọng trong việc giao tiếp bằng tiếng Anh. Mục tiêu chính là giúp người học cải thiện khả năng nói tiếng Anh một cách tự nhiên và tự tin hơn. Bằng cách lắng nghe cách Jack Baker truyền đạt ý tưởng và cảm xúc của mình, bạn sẽ học được cách sử dụng ngữ điệu, sự hài hước và cách tương tác trong giao tiếp hàng ngày.
Ngân hàng cụm từ
Dưới đây là một số cụm từ hữu ích từ đoạn hội thoại mà bạn có thể sử dụng trong giao tiếp hàng ngày:
- "I feel safe here" - Tôi cảm thấy an toàn ở đây
- "Take that, football team!" - Đó là một đòn đáp trả cho đội bóng!
- "Who opens with that?" - Ai lại mở đầu bằng cái đó chứ?
- "What are you going to do about it?" - Bạn sẽ làm gì với điều đó?
- "That's the answer" - Đó là câu trả lời
Khắc phục những điểm yếu của bạn
Đoạn video này rất hữu ích cho những ai muốn cải thiện cách phát âm và nhịp điệu trong tiếng Anh. Một trong những điểm quan trọng là nghe và nhại lại cách Jack sử dụng âm điệu thể hiện cảm xúc và sự hài hước trong câu chuyện của mình. Thực hành shadowing tiếng anh với đoạn video này sẽ giúp bạn phát triển khả năng shadow speak của mình. Hãy chú ý đến cách Jack nhấn mạnh những từ nhất định và nhịp điệu trong từng câu nói, điều này sẽ giúp bạn tự tin hơn khi giao tiếp.
Hãy thử luyện nghe nói qua video này, và bạn sẽ thấy rằng việc sử dụng shadowspeaks có thể cải thiện đáng kể kỹ năng nói của bạn. Hãy để bản thân chìm đắm trong cuộc trò chuyện, và đừng ngại thử nghiệm với những cụm từ và cách diễn đạt mà bạn đã học được!
Ngữ pháp trong video
Những cấu trúc người nói dùng nhiều nhất, kèm đúng cụm từ trong video:
| Cấu trúc | Trong video |
|---|---|
| Thì hiện tại hoàn thành tiếp diễn have/has been + -ing — việc bắt đầu từ trước và vẫn đang tiếp tục | we've been training · I've been trying |
| Câu điều kiện if + mệnh đề, will/would + động từ — điều kiện và kết quả | if I ever went missing, they wouldn't even |
| Thì hiện tại hoàn thành have/has + quá khứ phân từ — việc đã xảy ra nhưng còn liên quan đến hiện tại | has dedicated · have ever tried · have ever seen |
| Câu bị động be + quá khứ phân từ — nhấn vào việc xảy ra, không phải người làm | was told · is frowned · was raised |
Phương Pháp Shadowing Là Gì?
Shadowing là kỹ thuật học ngôn ngữ có cơ sở khoa học, ban đầu được phát triển cho chương trình đào tạo phiên dịch viên chuyên nghiệp và được phổ biến rộng rãi bởi nhà đa ngôn ngữ học Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Nguyên lý cốt lõi đơn giản nhưng cực kỳ hiệu quả: bạn nghe tiếng Anh của người bản xứ và lặp lại to ngay lập tức — như một "cái bóng" (shadow) đuổi theo người nói với độ trễ chỉ 1–2 giây. Khác với luyện ngữ pháp hay học từ vựng bị động, Shadowing buộc não bộ và cơ miệng phải đồng thời xử lý và tái tạo ngôn ngữ thực tế. Các nghiên cứu khoa học xác nhận phương pháp này cải thiện đáng kể phát âm, ngữ điệu, nhịp điệu, nối âm, kỹ năng nghe và độ lưu loát khi nói — đặc biệt hiệu quả cho người luyện IELTS Speaking và muốn giao tiếp tiếng Anh tự nhiên như người bản ngữ.