Shadowing Practice: Stop Being Nice: The C.L.E.A.R. Method for Earning Respect - Learn English Speaking with Video

If you want to be a terrible leader and have nobody listen to you, the biggest mistake you can make isn't saying the wrong thing.

It's refusing to tell people the truth.

Every time you soften the feedback and let someone walk out believing this looks good when it doesn't, you're just avoiding the hard conversation that you eventually need to have.

I'm going to give you a four -step framework that makes hard conversations easier, and I'll show you the one conversation almost every leader avoids,

even though it's the one their team or the people in their lives need the most.

I'm Cody Sanchez.

This is The Big Deal Podcast.

Let's get into it.

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All right, I want to start talking about this.

Call it the vanity test.

There's one test you need to run before giving anyone feedback

And there's no one who ran this vanity test better than Steve Jobs.

There's an incredible story, basically.

So Steve had this designer named Johnny Ive, and they were very close.

But Steve was kind of a maniac.

I remember having a conversation with him and was asking why he was a little harsh.

And he said, no, you just want people to like you.

I thought you held the work up as the most important.

And I was terribly cross because I knew he was right.

I think great leaders, they build up people by saying the hard thing.

Bad leaders, they're so obsessed with their image

and what people think about them that they don't realize why vanity is so dangerous.

It looks like kindness, and it's not.

The second thing I've realized is soft feedback is the cool option, actually.

So every time you soften the truth, I want you to think that you buy yourself a few seconds of comfort, but you cost someone else weeks

or months of improvement like who are you to make

that decision don't you want to be the type of leader who people leave

their time with them and say god i learned so much

that person made me better as opposed to like yeah that's pretty good boss kind of liked him he's fine

so i was reading about bill gates the other day

and he famously loved conflict he believed in doing these really aggressive one -on -ones with people

that would make other employees cringe and it was how he communicated

but he believed

that it was never good enough in anything you could almost do you could always do more

and so he actually used to push employees

so hard in their one -on -ones

that they would leave feeling like they got a workout they

famously said he even used to drive around the parking lot

and check and see if employees were in on the weekend by memorizing their license plates

and then following up

and having a one -on -one with them on monday about why they weren't there now i'm not saying

that works in every job or company

but it tells you what the crazy ones do there's this chick kim scott

and she leads teams at google

and apple she actually wrote this book called radical candor really big book she calls this ruinous empathy it's

when you care so much about avoiding an uncomfortable conversation

that you never say what needs to be said you know

what's crazy though is most people actually do this like imagine

for a second someone makes the same mistake three meetings in a row with you.

It's not the first time.

You never told them.

They walk into a performance review later thinking they're doing great, only to find out you've been mad at them for months.

You've been unhappy for months.

You haven't thought they were performing for months.

So every conversation you avoid is like you stealing from their future.

It gets more expensive for them and for you.

The most respectful thing you can do for a competent adult is treat them like one.

They can handle the truth or you guys shouldn't be working together.

What isn't helpful is them finding out you knew and said nothing.

Steve Jobs was effective because he was tough.

Plenty of tough bosses build terrible companies, but he was effective because everyone knew the work came first.

That's what you're copying.

You're not throwing a temper tantrum.

You're not being mean to people to be mean to people.

You're holding the standard or what we call holding the line.

And if you're not going to be a standard bearer, you shouldn't be in charge.

so here's the framework that i use

so c is for care you start with why you're giving

the feedback i might say something like i want to give you feedback because i think you're capable of more

and the reason you do

that is you're not softening the message you're explaining why you're

about to tell them something hard i might even say something like

i'm telling you this

because i think you're capable of more do you want to

hear feedback about an area where I think you need some improvement.

I also really like that because it's allowing them to give you the option to give tough feedback.

L is for lead with the work.

I don't ever attack the person.

I don't say, you're bad at presentations.

Who's that helping?

I say, hmm, this presentation was not good.

Here's why.

Here's how I define good.

Help fix the work instead of labeling the person as incompetent unless you don't want them to make any change whatsoever.

You guys should know this by dating people too.

e is for being exact do not be vague don't say do better that's

so useless nobody can act on it properly i would say

instead the report is due tuesday you gave it to me

thursday do you see why that's an issue you didn't keep

your word with me a is ask after the feedback stop talking shut up

and hand them a mic ask what am i missing what don't i understand

and then listen i like to lot of times say what am i totally wrong on this is showing

that you're just as open to feedback but you have to actually listen

when you do this part like half the time you learn context

that might change the picture the other half they talk their own way to the fix

100

and then they own it and finally r is reset

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and know what happens next

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so don't leave people wondering tell them exactly what success looks like

103

so next time send me the draft on tuesday

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or flag something you're stuck on or if you're going to be late

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so we can work through it

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so care lead exact ask reset that's how to be clear

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if you run that you're going to watch what happens

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and be shocked i've learned

109

that great communication will change your relationship forever will change your partnership forever will make you more money

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and will make you better in business i've learned

111

that great employees want clarity great friends

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and partners want clarity weak ones want comfort

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and I don't want you to confuse the two now in

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the beginning of this they will probably be a little miffed

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at the feedback I think feedback is really hard in the beginning

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but as you give more and more of it

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and you explain the clear process for it people understand it

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and they want it because they feel like you are clear

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and you care and so

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if you remember the two c's you'll get really far another little note is

121

that um feedback gets really hard

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when it isn't in person usually you're dealing with a whole team right

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or you're dealing with a bunch of people try to be in person

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when you do this often i think in the beginning you

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want to try to give tough feedback in private until you've created a culture where everybody's

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so used to feedback that giving it in public isn't

127

that big of a deal there's this guy ben horowitz he's one of the co -founders of injuries

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and horowitz huge software company but he also started tech companies previously

129

and he explicitly says that the standard management advice of like how you're supposed to give feedback

130

which is called the sandwich

131

which is praise criticism praise trains employees to distrust to distrust praise

132

and dread criticism his rule is like no baby give it

133

to me straight with specifics don't wrap it in compliments he likes to do it in private

134

but he fired his best friend as the CEO of loud cloud

135

and said in his book I had to say the words

136

I'm firing you to the person who is the best man at my wedding

137

and if you can't do

138

that don't be a CEO what a hard ass Jensen Wong

139

of Nvidia famously doesn't do one -on -ones with any of his employees thinks

140

that giving private feedback is a disservice to the entire team mandates all different difficult conversations in person

141

and maybe that's why he's one of the richest men in the world in the fastest period.

142

Now, I already told you about Jensen Wang publicly critiquing his execs, but let me break down exactly what this looked like.

143

He runs NVIDIA.

144

He has 60 direct reports, 6 -0.

145

Most CEOs have 8 -10.

146

His reasoning is this idea of no one -on -ones.

147

Everything gets said in group meetings.

148

If he has feedback for a VP, he gives it in the room with all other VPs present.

149

Why?

150

If you think about this, he really thinks he's doing them solid.

151

He says feedback is a learning opportunity.

152

Why would I hoard it in a one -on -one when 40 other people could learn from watching?

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Now it sounds brutal, but NVIDIA's employees stay 5x longer than industry average.

154

Turnover is 2%.

155

He calls it torturing them into greatness.

156

At Conturian Thinking, my company, I do the same thing.

157

I do a leadership meeting, which is now about 12, 10 or 12 leaders all around our boardroom.

158

And I also do a content leaders meeting.

159

Any feedback I have to give goes to those two groups as opposed to one -on -ones.

160

I do not do one -on -ones.

161

This is really important.

162

And if you think it's just dudes, talk about Kim Scott getting fired by Sheryl Sandberg for being too nice.

163

So Kim Scott gave a presentation to Google leadership.

164

It went well.

165

After Sandberg walked around and said, you said um a lot in there.

166

Scott brushed it off.

167

Sandberg pushed.

168

I know an amazing speech coach.

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Google will pay for it.

170

Scott brushed it off again.

171

Sandberg stopped walking and looked at her and said, you are one of the smartest people I know, but um makes you sound stupid and I'm not going to let you sound stupid.

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So Scott wrote radical candor about that moment.

173

Her frame caring personally means challenging directly.

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And I think using words like stupid are really triggering for people.

175

And in a way, that's exactly what you want.

176

I call it the idiot index, which I think I stole from Elon Musk.

177

And so with my admin team, I'll say, did you run this idea past the idiot index?

178

And that is such a triggering thing for people.

179

They're like, does she call me an idiot?

180

Does that mean I'm an idiot?

181

But what I'm saying is only an idiot would do this.

182

So like, did we run it past an index?

183

Not you, but when you're looking at a bunch of options in front of you, did you go, imagine my dumbest friend is right here.

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Is my really dumb friend going to make this decision that I always get annoyed at my dumb friend for making?

185

And this is really helpful because if you don't do this, you're failing your people.

186

Now, the next part, we talk about this, like the room you're afraid to call.

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So often managers become human complaint boxes.

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Like you don't wanna be stuck accidentally becoming a therapist, do you?

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I know that I do not.

190

That is not my happy place at all.

191

I think there's a pattern here, right?

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two people have a problem with talking to each other instead

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of talking it out one person brings it to you the

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leader right you see this in social circles too like pam

195

did this then the other one right nobody's talking to each other

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but everybody's talking about each other

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and the two people who actually have the problem they're not

198

talking at all this happened to me in my business recently

199

it's super annoying it's one of my biggest complaints in business

200

and i finally had to sit them in a room together and say, you're both adults, talk to each other, or stop complaining to me.

201

But you don't get to do both.

202

If you guys talk to each other and you can't work it out and you are doing it direct, then you can bring it to me.

203

But if you are not even having a conversation, I don't want to hear about it because all you're teaching me is

204

that you're not good enough or strong enough

205

or have enough confidence in order to fix this

206

and you just want to gossip and have drama

207

and i have no space for gossip in my life i know this is a little intense

208

and maybe you're like how am i going to do that

209

if i'm not in charge here's what i would do instead

210

i like to say what dave ramsey's rule is and he taught me from being at his headquarters

211

he says at my company we have a no gossip rule we just don't allow it

212

and so if anybody's gossiping or talking about anybody and they find out at Dave Ramsey, you get fired.

213

So I like to say something like

214

if I'm not the main main head dog leader and I can't be as tough as Cody is, I might say something like, you know what?

215

I have a rule this year for me.

216

I don't gossip.

217

I don't talk about other people when they're not in the room.

218

It's my 2026 rule.

219

And so I actually can't participate in this conversation.

220

It's just like one of the things I gave up this year.

221

Now, if we want to go talk to the person in person

222

and like work it out between the three of us

223

and have a constructive conversation i got you i will support you i'll be there

224

but i actually have a rule i just don't gossip right now i don't like how i feel afterwards

225

so i just stopped doing it i think most workplace drama exists

226

because people are having the wrong conversation with the wrong person

227

and not willing to say it to their face the rule is go direct to the source

228

if you have a problem with somebody who's the first person you should talk to them not me

229

and not the group chat also i think sometimes people are just looking for somebody to hold a line

230

so like if you do that

231

and you stop being everybody's emotional middleman the team is going

232

to start handling its own friction instead of laundering it through

233

you i actually saw this the other week my president in

234

a leadership meeting just brought it up he said i had

235

to deal with a bunch of annoying drama this week you

236

know i didn't appreciate having to deal with this issue just one of the leaders had a little flame out

237

and he's like and i didn't appreciate the fact

238

that like i had to mediate two of your uh direct reports this should really be your issue

239

and he's like anybody have anything they want to say about that

240

so it's just out in the open as opposed to this thing it's in the dms that's behind the scenes

241

and in fact even today i was like listen i can

242

feel from both of your teams there's a lot of frustrations

243

i really wish you two could feel like you're on the same team both sides are frustrated with each other

244

and instead of being a team heads down figuring it out you guys are going back and forth

245

and back channeling it's honestly kind of exhausting why can't you

246

both just say okay can you do this better what can I do better okay I'll do

247

that and then have a conversation to ask

248

if you two are nailing it I'm like you're all very competent

249

and lord we'd get more done if you worked this way

250

he kind of gave me some feedback what are we not doing

251

that can be improved who's saying what

252

and said no no we're not playing the he said she

253

said game i want to make sure you guys are really working together can you do

254

that in a team everybody should be vibing on what we

255

need to solve this is not rocket science people have done way harder things than this

256

and you know eventually he's like fair enough okay you know

257

we'll work on this i hear you i'll do my part

258

i said great i will always hear your frustrations as long

259

as you guys are actually airing them out to each other because the truth is

260

you will actually have a team that is so much higher functioning

261

if you push them to have crucial conversations to the point

262

of i literally have handed people before the book radical candor

263

or crucial conversations and

264

so don't feel like leadership is about being liked it's about

265

making your people better i think in the future you should aspire to be the type of leader where other people say, yeah, they're really tough, but man,

266

am I better because of it.

267

It's not just that I like that person.

268

I like who I am because of them.

269

Because of the way that I have learned watching them, I am more valuable today.

270

Don't you want to be respected, not just liked?

271

I know I do.

272

Soft feedback feels kind, but honest feedback will actually build your employees up.

273

Every manager has to choose between comfort or growth.

274

So remember clear.

275

And this week, have that conversation.

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Do the difficult convo.

277

Talk to the person that feels off.

278

Maybe get rid of the person on your team that will not do the thing you know they need to do.

279

And if this is you in your personal life, do the exact same thing.

280

Half of the stuff that works in business works even better in your personal life.

281

There's just no guardrails to how you should have gossipy, hard conversations in your personal life too.

282

And if you want us to help you become a better leader, if you want us to help you have these kind of conversations and figure out where you are choosing comfort over growth,

283

maybe you should join the boardroom where we help owners do this every single week.

284

Can you tell me if this episode was useful and what is the thing that is holding you back from growth?

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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les

Deze spreekles is gebaseerd op de video “Stop Being Nice: The C.L.E.A.R. Method for Earning Respect”. Deze video bevat 284 zinnen en 3293 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 16:40. De spreker praat snel, ongeveer 198 woorden per minuut, dus reken op verbonden en ingeslikte klanken. 87% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden, dus de woordenschat is goed te volgen.

Belangrijke woorden in deze video

15 woorden uit de video die het leren waard zijn, met uitspraak en betekenis:

Woord	Uitspraak	Betekenis
feedback zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈfiːdˌbæk/	terugkoppeling
gossip zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈɡɑsɪp/	kletspraatje, roddel
comfort zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈkʌm.fət/	comfort, gemak
praise werkwoord	/pɹeɪz/	loven, prijzen
oppose werkwoord	/əˈpoʊz/	tegenhouden, tegengaan
vanity zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈvænəti/	ijdelheid
helpful bijvoeglijk naamwoord	/ˈhɛlp.fl̩/	behulpzaam
steal werkwoord	/stiːl/	stelen, ontvreemden
complaint zelfstandig naamwoord	/kəmˈpleɪnt/	klacht, beklag
framework zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈfɹeɪm.wɜːk/	geraamte
trigger zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈtɹɪɡɚ/	trekker
brush zelfstandig naamwoord	/bɹʌʃ/	borstel, (paint-) verfborstel
frustration zelfstandig naamwoord	/fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/	frustratie
competent bijvoeglijk naamwoord	/ˈkɒmpətənt/	bekwaam, bevoegd
clarity zelfstandig naamwoord	/ˈklæɹ.ɪ.ti/	helderheid, klaarheid

Phrasal verbs die je zult horen

Woord	Uitspraak	Betekenis
find out werkwoord		ontdekken, onderzoeken
break down werkwoord		stukgaan, kapot gaan
build up werkwoord		opstapelen
figure out werkwoord		uitvogelen, er achter komen
give up werkwoord		zich overgeven
go back werkwoord		teruggaan
shut up	/ʃʌt ʌp/	hou je kop, kop dicht

Zinnen om te herhalen

Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:

You've been unhappy for months.
You haven't thought they were performing for months.
They're like, does she call me an idiot?
Does that mean I'm an idiot?
Don't you want to be respected, not just liked?

Grammatica in deze video

De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:

Structuur	In de video
Voorwaardelijke zinnen if + zin, will/would + werkwoord — een voorwaarde en het gevolg	if you remember the two c's you'll get
“Used to” used to + werkwoord — een vroegere gewoonte of toestand die niet meer klopt	used to drive · used to feedback
Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt	has ever saved · I've realized · you've been
Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet	be said · be shocked · is called

Uitspraak om op te letten

De spreker gebruikt 102 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals you're, don't, I'm. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.

De “th”-klanken: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/
De klanken “sh” en “zh”: presentation /ˌpɹɛzn̩ˈteɪʃn̩/, crucial /ˈkɹuː.ʃəl/, brush /bɹʌʃ/, frustration /fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/, partnership /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/
Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: participate /pɑːˈtɪs.ɪ.peɪt/, accidentally /ˌæk.sɪˈdɛnt(ə)li/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, whatsoever /ˌ(h)wʌtsoʊˈɛvɚ/

Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:

Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: praise /pɹeɪz/, oppose /əˈpoʊz/, cloud /ˈklaʊ̯d/, afterwards /ˈæf.tɚ.wɚdz/, solve /sɒlv/
/æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: feedback /ˈfiːdˌbæk/, radical /ˈɹædɪkəl/, vanity /ˈvænəti/, clarity /ˈklæɹ.ɪ.ti/, afterwards /ˈæf.tɚ.wɚdz/
/g/ — een harde plofklank, geen Nederlandse “g”: gossip /ˈɡɑsɪp/, trigger /ˈtɹɪɡɚ/, gate /ˈɡeɪ̯t/, aggressive /əˈɡɹɛs.ɪv/, vague /veɪɡ/

Zo oefen je met deze video

Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als feedback, gossip, comfort.

Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?

Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.

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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les

Belangrijke woorden in deze video

Phrasal verbs die je zult horen

Zinnen om te herhalen

Grammatica in deze video

Uitspraak om op te letten

Zo oefen je met deze video

Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?