Pratica di Shadowing: Stop Being Nice: The C.L.E.A.R. Method for Earning Respect - Impara a parlare inglese con i video
Creazione lezione...
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If you want to be a terrible leader and have nobody listen to you, the biggest mistake you can make isn't saying the wrong thing.
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It's refusing to tell people the truth.
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Every time you soften the feedback and let someone walk out believing this looks good when it doesn't, you're just avoiding the hard conversation that you eventually need to have.
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I'm going to give you a four -step framework that makes hard conversations easier, and I'll show you the one conversation almost every leader avoids,
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even though it's the one their team or the people in their lives need the most.
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I'm Cody Sanchez.
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This is The Big Deal Podcast.
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Let's get into it.
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If this show has ever saved you from a bad deal, a bad day, do me one favor.
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Hit subscribe.
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It's free.
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It takes two seconds and it's the single biggest thing that helps us book better guests and make this better for you.
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All right, I want to start talking about this.
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Call it the vanity test.
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There's one test you need to run before giving anyone feedback
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And there's no one who ran this vanity test better than Steve Jobs.
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There's an incredible story, basically.
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So Steve had this designer named Johnny Ive, and they were very close.
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But Steve was kind of a maniac.
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I remember having a conversation with him and was asking why he was a little harsh.
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And he said, no, you just want people to like you.
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I thought you held the work up as the most important.
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And I was terribly cross because I knew he was right.
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I think great leaders, they build up people by saying the hard thing.
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Bad leaders, they're so obsessed with their image
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and what people think about them that they don't realize why vanity is so dangerous.
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It looks like kindness, and it's not.
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The second thing I've realized is soft feedback is the cool option, actually.
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So every time you soften the truth, I want you to think that you buy yourself a few seconds of comfort, but you cost someone else weeks
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or months of improvement like who are you to make
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that decision don't you want to be the type of leader who people leave
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their time with them and say god i learned so much
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that person made me better as opposed to like yeah that's pretty good boss kind of liked him he's fine
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so i was reading about bill gates the other day
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and he famously loved conflict he believed in doing these really aggressive one -on -ones with people
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that would make other employees cringe and it was how he communicated
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but he believed
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that it was never good enough in anything you could almost do you could always do more
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and so he actually used to push employees
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so hard in their one -on -ones
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that they would leave feeling like they got a workout they
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famously said he even used to drive around the parking lot
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and check and see if employees were in on the weekend by memorizing their license plates
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and then following up
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and having a one -on -one with them on monday about why they weren't there now i'm not saying
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that works in every job or company
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but it tells you what the crazy ones do there's this chick kim scott
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and she leads teams at google
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and apple she actually wrote this book called radical candor really big book she calls this ruinous empathy it's
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when you care so much about avoiding an uncomfortable conversation
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that you never say what needs to be said you know
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what's crazy though is most people actually do this like imagine
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for a second someone makes the same mistake three meetings in a row with you.
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It's not the first time.
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You never told them.
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They walk into a performance review later thinking they're doing great, only to find out you've been mad at them for months.
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You've been unhappy for months.
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You haven't thought they were performing for months.
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So every conversation you avoid is like you stealing from their future.
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It gets more expensive for them and for you.
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The most respectful thing you can do for a competent adult is treat them like one.
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They can handle the truth or you guys shouldn't be working together.
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What isn't helpful is them finding out you knew and said nothing.
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Steve Jobs was effective because he was tough.
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Plenty of tough bosses build terrible companies, but he was effective because everyone knew the work came first.
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That's what you're copying.
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You're not throwing a temper tantrum.
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You're not being mean to people to be mean to people.
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You're holding the standard or what we call holding the line.
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And if you're not going to be a standard bearer, you shouldn't be in charge.
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so here's the framework that i use
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so c is for care you start with why you're giving
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the feedback i might say something like i want to give you feedback because i think you're capable of more
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and the reason you do
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that is you're not softening the message you're explaining why you're
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about to tell them something hard i might even say something like
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i'm telling you this
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because i think you're capable of more do you want to
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hear feedback about an area where I think you need some improvement.
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I also really like that because it's allowing them to give you the option to give tough feedback.
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L is for lead with the work.
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I don't ever attack the person.
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I don't say, you're bad at presentations.
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Who's that helping?
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I say, hmm, this presentation was not good.
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Here's why.
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Here's how I define good.
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Help fix the work instead of labeling the person as incompetent unless you don't want them to make any change whatsoever.
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You guys should know this by dating people too.
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e is for being exact do not be vague don't say do better that's
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so useless nobody can act on it properly i would say
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instead the report is due tuesday you gave it to me
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thursday do you see why that's an issue you didn't keep
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your word with me a is ask after the feedback stop talking shut up
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and hand them a mic ask what am i missing what don't i understand
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and then listen i like to lot of times say what am i totally wrong on this is showing
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that you're just as open to feedback but you have to actually listen
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when you do this part like half the time you learn context
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that might change the picture the other half they talk their own way to the fix
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and then they own it and finally r is reset
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and know what happens next
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so don't leave people wondering tell them exactly what success looks like
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so next time send me the draft on tuesday
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or flag something you're stuck on or if you're going to be late
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so we can work through it
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so care lead exact ask reset that's how to be clear
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if you run that you're going to watch what happens
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and be shocked i've learned
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that great communication will change your relationship forever will change your partnership forever will make you more money
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and will make you better in business i've learned
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that great employees want clarity great friends
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and partners want clarity weak ones want comfort
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and I don't want you to confuse the two now in
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the beginning of this they will probably be a little miffed
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at the feedback I think feedback is really hard in the beginning
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but as you give more and more of it
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and you explain the clear process for it people understand it
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and they want it because they feel like you are clear
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and you care and so
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if you remember the two c's you'll get really far another little note is
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that um feedback gets really hard
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when it isn't in person usually you're dealing with a whole team right
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or you're dealing with a bunch of people try to be in person
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when you do this often i think in the beginning you
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want to try to give tough feedback in private until you've created a culture where everybody's
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so used to feedback that giving it in public isn't
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that big of a deal there's this guy ben horowitz he's one of the co -founders of injuries
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and horowitz huge software company but he also started tech companies previously
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and he explicitly says that the standard management advice of like how you're supposed to give feedback
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which is called the sandwich
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which is praise criticism praise trains employees to distrust to distrust praise
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and dread criticism his rule is like no baby give it
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to me straight with specifics don't wrap it in compliments he likes to do it in private
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but he fired his best friend as the CEO of loud cloud
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and said in his book I had to say the words
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I'm firing you to the person who is the best man at my wedding
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and if you can't do
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that don't be a CEO what a hard ass Jensen Wong
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of Nvidia famously doesn't do one -on -ones with any of his employees thinks
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that giving private feedback is a disservice to the entire team mandates all different difficult conversations in person
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and maybe that's why he's one of the richest men in the world in the fastest period.
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Now, I already told you about Jensen Wang publicly critiquing his execs, but let me break down exactly what this looked like.
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He runs NVIDIA.
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He has 60 direct reports, 6 -0.
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Most CEOs have 8 -10.
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His reasoning is this idea of no one -on -ones.
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Everything gets said in group meetings.
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If he has feedback for a VP, he gives it in the room with all other VPs present.
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Why?
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If you think about this, he really thinks he's doing them solid.
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He says feedback is a learning opportunity.
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Why would I hoard it in a one -on -one when 40 other people could learn from watching?
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Now it sounds brutal, but NVIDIA's employees stay 5x longer than industry average.
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Turnover is 2%.
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He calls it torturing them into greatness.
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At Conturian Thinking, my company, I do the same thing.
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I do a leadership meeting, which is now about 12, 10 or 12 leaders all around our boardroom.
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And I also do a content leaders meeting.
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Any feedback I have to give goes to those two groups as opposed to one -on -ones.
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I do not do one -on -ones.
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This is really important.
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And if you think it's just dudes, talk about Kim Scott getting fired by Sheryl Sandberg for being too nice.
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So Kim Scott gave a presentation to Google leadership.
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It went well.
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After Sandberg walked around and said, you said um a lot in there.
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Scott brushed it off.
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Sandberg pushed.
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I know an amazing speech coach.
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Google will pay for it.
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Scott brushed it off again.
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Sandberg stopped walking and looked at her and said, you are one of the smartest people I know, but um makes you sound stupid and I'm not going to let you sound stupid.
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So Scott wrote radical candor about that moment.
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Her frame caring personally means challenging directly.
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And I think using words like stupid are really triggering for people.
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And in a way, that's exactly what you want.
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I call it the idiot index, which I think I stole from Elon Musk.
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And so with my admin team, I'll say, did you run this idea past the idiot index?
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And that is such a triggering thing for people.
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They're like, does she call me an idiot?
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Does that mean I'm an idiot?
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But what I'm saying is only an idiot would do this.
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So like, did we run it past an index?
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Not you, but when you're looking at a bunch of options in front of you, did you go, imagine my dumbest friend is right here.
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Is my really dumb friend going to make this decision that I always get annoyed at my dumb friend for making?
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And this is really helpful because if you don't do this, you're failing your people.
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Now, the next part, we talk about this, like the room you're afraid to call.
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So often managers become human complaint boxes.
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Like you don't wanna be stuck accidentally becoming a therapist, do you?
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I know that I do not.
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That is not my happy place at all.
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I think there's a pattern here, right?
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two people have a problem with talking to each other instead
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of talking it out one person brings it to you the
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leader right you see this in social circles too like pam
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did this then the other one right nobody's talking to each other
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but everybody's talking about each other
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and the two people who actually have the problem they're not
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talking at all this happened to me in my business recently
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it's super annoying it's one of my biggest complaints in business
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and i finally had to sit them in a room together and say, you're both adults, talk to each other, or stop complaining to me.
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But you don't get to do both.
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If you guys talk to each other and you can't work it out and you are doing it direct, then you can bring it to me.
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But if you are not even having a conversation, I don't want to hear about it because all you're teaching me is
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that you're not good enough or strong enough
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or have enough confidence in order to fix this
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and you just want to gossip and have drama
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and i have no space for gossip in my life i know this is a little intense
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and maybe you're like how am i going to do that
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if i'm not in charge here's what i would do instead
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i like to say what dave ramsey's rule is and he taught me from being at his headquarters
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he says at my company we have a no gossip rule we just don't allow it
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and so if anybody's gossiping or talking about anybody and they find out at Dave Ramsey, you get fired.
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So I like to say something like
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if I'm not the main main head dog leader and I can't be as tough as Cody is, I might say something like, you know what?
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I have a rule this year for me.
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I don't gossip.
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I don't talk about other people when they're not in the room.
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It's my 2026 rule.
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And so I actually can't participate in this conversation.
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It's just like one of the things I gave up this year.
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Now, if we want to go talk to the person in person
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and like work it out between the three of us
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and have a constructive conversation i got you i will support you i'll be there
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but i actually have a rule i just don't gossip right now i don't like how i feel afterwards
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so i just stopped doing it i think most workplace drama exists
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because people are having the wrong conversation with the wrong person
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and not willing to say it to their face the rule is go direct to the source
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if you have a problem with somebody who's the first person you should talk to them not me
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and not the group chat also i think sometimes people are just looking for somebody to hold a line
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so like if you do that
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and you stop being everybody's emotional middleman the team is going
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to start handling its own friction instead of laundering it through
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you i actually saw this the other week my president in
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a leadership meeting just brought it up he said i had
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to deal with a bunch of annoying drama this week you
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know i didn't appreciate having to deal with this issue just one of the leaders had a little flame out
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and he's like and i didn't appreciate the fact
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that like i had to mediate two of your uh direct reports this should really be your issue
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and he's like anybody have anything they want to say about that
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so it's just out in the open as opposed to this thing it's in the dms that's behind the scenes
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and in fact even today i was like listen i can
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feel from both of your teams there's a lot of frustrations
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i really wish you two could feel like you're on the same team both sides are frustrated with each other
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and instead of being a team heads down figuring it out you guys are going back and forth
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and back channeling it's honestly kind of exhausting why can't you
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both just say okay can you do this better what can I do better okay I'll do
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that and then have a conversation to ask
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if you two are nailing it I'm like you're all very competent
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and lord we'd get more done if you worked this way
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he kind of gave me some feedback what are we not doing
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that can be improved who's saying what
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and said no no we're not playing the he said she
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said game i want to make sure you guys are really working together can you do
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that in a team everybody should be vibing on what we
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need to solve this is not rocket science people have done way harder things than this
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and you know eventually he's like fair enough okay you know
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we'll work on this i hear you i'll do my part
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i said great i will always hear your frustrations as long
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as you guys are actually airing them out to each other because the truth is
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you will actually have a team that is so much higher functioning
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if you push them to have crucial conversations to the point
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of i literally have handed people before the book radical candor
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or crucial conversations and
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so don't feel like leadership is about being liked it's about
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making your people better i think in the future you should aspire to be the type of leader where other people say, yeah, they're really tough, but man,
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am I better because of it.
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It's not just that I like that person.
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I like who I am because of them.
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Because of the way that I have learned watching them, I am more valuable today.
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Don't you want to be respected, not just liked?
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I know I do.
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Soft feedback feels kind, but honest feedback will actually build your employees up.
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Every manager has to choose between comfort or growth.
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So remember clear.
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And this week, have that conversation.
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Do the difficult convo.
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Talk to the person that feels off.
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Maybe get rid of the person on your team that will not do the thing you know they need to do.
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And if this is you in your personal life, do the exact same thing.
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Half of the stuff that works in business works even better in your personal life.
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There's just no guardrails to how you should have gossipy, hard conversations in your personal life too.
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And if you want us to help you become a better leader, if you want us to help you have these kind of conversations and figure out where you are choosing comfort over growth,
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maybe you should join the boardroom where we help owners do this every single week.
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Can you tell me if this episode was useful and what is the thing that is holding you back from growth?
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Vocabolario e note di pronuncia per questa lezione
Questa lezione di conversazione si basa sul video “Stop Being Nice: The C.L.E.A.R. Method for Earning Respect”. Questo video contiene 284 frasi e 3293 parole da ripetere con lo shadowing. Il parlato dura 16:40. Chi parla va veloce, circa 198 parole al minuto: aspettati suoni legati e ridotti. Il 87% delle parole rientra nelle 3.000 più comuni dell’inglese, quindi il lessico è facile da seguire.
Vocaboli chiave di questo video
15 parole del video che vale la pena imparare, con pronuncia e significato:
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| feedback sostantivo | /ˈfiːdˌbæk/ | valutazione, riscontro |
| gossip sostantivo | /ˈɡɑsɪp/ | pettegolezzo, chiacchiera |
| comfort sostantivo | /ˈkʌm.fət/ | agio, comodità |
| radical sostantivo | /ˈɹædɪkəl/ | radice |
| praise verbo | /pɹeɪz/ | lodare, elogiare |
| oppose verbo | /əˈpoʊz/ | opporre |
| vanity sostantivo | /ˈvænəti/ | vanità |
| helpful aggettivo | /ˈhɛlp.fl̩/ | disponibile, utile |
| steal verbo | /stiːl/ | rubare, derubare |
| complaint sostantivo | /kəmˈpleɪnt/ | reclamo, lamentela |
| framework sostantivo | /ˈfɹeɪm.wɜːk/ | struttura portante |
| crucial aggettivo | /ˈkɹuː.ʃəl/ | cruciale |
| trigger sostantivo | /ˈtɹɪɡɚ/ | grilletto |
| brush sostantivo | /bɹʌʃ/ | spazzola, pennello |
| frustration sostantivo | /fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/ | insoddisfazione, delusione |
I phrasal verb che sentirai
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| find out verbo | scoprire | |
| build up verbo | accumulare | |
| figure out verbo | scoprire, rendersi conto | |
| give up verbo | arrendersi | |
| go back verbo | tornare | |
| shut up | /ʃʌt ʌp/ | chiudi la bocca, stai zitto |
Frasi da ripetere
Frasi brevi e complete del video che puoi riutilizzare nella conversazione di tutti i giorni:
- You've been unhappy for months.
- You haven't thought they were performing for months.
- They're like, does she call me an idiot?
- Does that mean I'm an idiot?
- Don't you want to be respected, not just liked?
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| “Used to” used to + verbo — un’abitudine o uno stato passato che non è più vero | used to push · used to drive · used to feedback |
| Frasi condizionali if + frase, will/would + verbo — una condizione e il suo risultato | if you remember the two c's you'll get |
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | has ever saved · I've realized · you've been |
| Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo fa | be said · be shocked · is called |
Pronuncia a cui fare attenzione
Chi parla usa 102 contrazioni e forme ridotte, come you're, don't, I'm. Pronunciale nella forma breve, così come le senti.
- I suoni “th”: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/
- I suoni “sh” e “zh”: presentation /ˌpɹɛzn̩ˈteɪʃn̩/, crucial /ˈkɹuː.ʃəl/, brush /bɹʌʃ/, frustration /fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/, partnership /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/
- Parole lunghe — attenzione all’accento: participate /pɑːˈtɪs.ɪ.peɪt/, accidentally /ˌæk.sɪˈdɛnt(ə)li/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, whatsoever /ˌ(h)wʌtsoʊˈɛvɚ/
I suoni difficili per chi parla italiano:
- /h/ — va soffiata, non è muta: helpful /ˈhɛlp.fl̩/, headquarters /ˈhɛdˌk(w)ɔɹ.tɚz/, harsh /ˈhɑɹʃ/, unhappy /ʌnˈhæpi/, whatsoever /ˌ(h)wʌtsoʊˈɛvɚ/
- Consonante finale — senza aggiungere una vocale dopo: feedback /ˈfiːdˌbæk/, gossip /ˈɡɑsɪp/, comfort /ˈkʌm.fət/, praise /pɹeɪz/, oppose /əˈpoʊz/
- /æ/ — più aperta della “e”: feedback /ˈfiːdˌbæk/, radical /ˈɹædɪkəl/, vanity /ˈvænəti/, clarity /ˈklæɹ.ɪ.ti/, afterwards /ˈæf.tɚ.wɚdz/
Come esercitarsi con questo video
- Ascolta tutto il video una volta senza parlare e annota le parole che non conosci.
- Inizia a velocità 0,75×, fai shadowing frase per frase e torna alla velocità normale quando diventa facile.
- Registrati e confronta con l’originale, facendo attenzione a parole come feedback, gossip, comfort.
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.