تدريب Shadowing: Stop Being Nice: The C.L.E.A.R. Method for Earning Respect - تعلم التحدث بالإنجليزية عبر الفيديو

If you want to be a terrible leader and have nobody listen to you, the biggest mistake you can make isn't saying the wrong thing.

It's refusing to tell people the truth.

Every time you soften the feedback and let someone walk out believing this looks good when it doesn't, you're just avoiding the hard conversation that you eventually need to have.

I'm going to give you a four -step framework that makes hard conversations easier, and I'll show you the one conversation almost every leader avoids,

even though it's the one their team or the people in their lives need the most.

I'm Cody Sanchez.

This is The Big Deal Podcast.

Let's get into it.

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All right, I want to start talking about this.

Call it the vanity test.

There's one test you need to run before giving anyone feedback

And there's no one who ran this vanity test better than Steve Jobs.

There's an incredible story, basically.

So Steve had this designer named Johnny Ive, and they were very close.

But Steve was kind of a maniac.

I remember having a conversation with him and was asking why he was a little harsh.

And he said, no, you just want people to like you.

I thought you held the work up as the most important.

And I was terribly cross because I knew he was right.

I think great leaders, they build up people by saying the hard thing.

Bad leaders, they're so obsessed with their image

and what people think about them that they don't realize why vanity is so dangerous.

It looks like kindness, and it's not.

The second thing I've realized is soft feedback is the cool option, actually.

So every time you soften the truth, I want you to think that you buy yourself a few seconds of comfort, but you cost someone else weeks

or months of improvement like who are you to make

that decision don't you want to be the type of leader who people leave

their time with them and say god i learned so much

that person made me better as opposed to like yeah that's pretty good boss kind of liked him he's fine

so i was reading about bill gates the other day

and he famously loved conflict he believed in doing these really aggressive one -on -ones with people

that would make other employees cringe and it was how he communicated

but he believed

that it was never good enough in anything you could almost do you could always do more

and so he actually used to push employees

so hard in their one -on -ones

that they would leave feeling like they got a workout they

famously said he even used to drive around the parking lot

and check and see if employees were in on the weekend by memorizing their license plates

and then following up

and having a one -on -one with them on monday about why they weren't there now i'm not saying

that works in every job or company

but it tells you what the crazy ones do there's this chick kim scott

and she leads teams at google

and apple she actually wrote this book called radical candor really big book she calls this ruinous empathy it's

when you care so much about avoiding an uncomfortable conversation

that you never say what needs to be said you know

what's crazy though is most people actually do this like imagine

for a second someone makes the same mistake three meetings in a row with you.

It's not the first time.

You never told them.

They walk into a performance review later thinking they're doing great, only to find out you've been mad at them for months.

You've been unhappy for months.

You haven't thought they were performing for months.

So every conversation you avoid is like you stealing from their future.

It gets more expensive for them and for you.

The most respectful thing you can do for a competent adult is treat them like one.

They can handle the truth or you guys shouldn't be working together.

What isn't helpful is them finding out you knew and said nothing.

Steve Jobs was effective because he was tough.

Plenty of tough bosses build terrible companies, but he was effective because everyone knew the work came first.

That's what you're copying.

You're not throwing a temper tantrum.

You're not being mean to people to be mean to people.

You're holding the standard or what we call holding the line.

And if you're not going to be a standard bearer, you shouldn't be in charge.

so here's the framework that i use

so c is for care you start with why you're giving

the feedback i might say something like i want to give you feedback because i think you're capable of more

and the reason you do

that is you're not softening the message you're explaining why you're

about to tell them something hard i might even say something like

i'm telling you this

because i think you're capable of more do you want to

hear feedback about an area where I think you need some improvement.

I also really like that because it's allowing them to give you the option to give tough feedback.

L is for lead with the work.

I don't ever attack the person.

I don't say, you're bad at presentations.

Who's that helping?

I say, hmm, this presentation was not good.

Here's why.

Here's how I define good.

Help fix the work instead of labeling the person as incompetent unless you don't want them to make any change whatsoever.

You guys should know this by dating people too.

e is for being exact do not be vague don't say do better that's

so useless nobody can act on it properly i would say

instead the report is due tuesday you gave it to me

thursday do you see why that's an issue you didn't keep

your word with me a is ask after the feedback stop talking shut up

and hand them a mic ask what am i missing what don't i understand

and then listen i like to lot of times say what am i totally wrong on this is showing

that you're just as open to feedback but you have to actually listen

when you do this part like half the time you learn context

that might change the picture the other half they talk their own way to the fix

100

and then they own it and finally r is reset

101

and know what happens next

102

so don't leave people wondering tell them exactly what success looks like

103

so next time send me the draft on tuesday

104

or flag something you're stuck on or if you're going to be late

105

so we can work through it

106

so care lead exact ask reset that's how to be clear

107

if you run that you're going to watch what happens

108

and be shocked i've learned

109

that great communication will change your relationship forever will change your partnership forever will make you more money

110

and will make you better in business i've learned

111

that great employees want clarity great friends

112

and partners want clarity weak ones want comfort

113

and I don't want you to confuse the two now in

114

the beginning of this they will probably be a little miffed

115

at the feedback I think feedback is really hard in the beginning

116

but as you give more and more of it

117

and you explain the clear process for it people understand it

118

and they want it because they feel like you are clear

119

and you care and so

120

if you remember the two c's you'll get really far another little note is

121

that um feedback gets really hard

122

when it isn't in person usually you're dealing with a whole team right

123

or you're dealing with a bunch of people try to be in person

124

when you do this often i think in the beginning you

125

want to try to give tough feedback in private until you've created a culture where everybody's

126

so used to feedback that giving it in public isn't

127

that big of a deal there's this guy ben horowitz he's one of the co -founders of injuries

128

and horowitz huge software company but he also started tech companies previously

129

and he explicitly says that the standard management advice of like how you're supposed to give feedback

130

which is called the sandwich

131

which is praise criticism praise trains employees to distrust to distrust praise

132

and dread criticism his rule is like no baby give it

133

to me straight with specifics don't wrap it in compliments he likes to do it in private

134

but he fired his best friend as the CEO of loud cloud

135

and said in his book I had to say the words

136

I'm firing you to the person who is the best man at my wedding

137

and if you can't do

138

that don't be a CEO what a hard ass Jensen Wong

139

of Nvidia famously doesn't do one -on -ones with any of his employees thinks

140

that giving private feedback is a disservice to the entire team mandates all different difficult conversations in person

141

and maybe that's why he's one of the richest men in the world in the fastest period.

142

Now, I already told you about Jensen Wang publicly critiquing his execs, but let me break down exactly what this looked like.

143

He runs NVIDIA.

144

He has 60 direct reports, 6 -0.

145

Most CEOs have 8 -10.

146

His reasoning is this idea of no one -on -ones.

147

Everything gets said in group meetings.

148

If he has feedback for a VP, he gives it in the room with all other VPs present.

149

Why?

150

If you think about this, he really thinks he's doing them solid.

151

He says feedback is a learning opportunity.

152

Why would I hoard it in a one -on -one when 40 other people could learn from watching?

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Now it sounds brutal, but NVIDIA's employees stay 5x longer than industry average.

154

Turnover is 2%.

155

He calls it torturing them into greatness.

156

At Conturian Thinking, my company, I do the same thing.

157

I do a leadership meeting, which is now about 12, 10 or 12 leaders all around our boardroom.

158

And I also do a content leaders meeting.

159

Any feedback I have to give goes to those two groups as opposed to one -on -ones.

160

I do not do one -on -ones.

161

This is really important.

162

And if you think it's just dudes, talk about Kim Scott getting fired by Sheryl Sandberg for being too nice.

163

So Kim Scott gave a presentation to Google leadership.

164

It went well.

165

After Sandberg walked around and said, you said um a lot in there.

166

Scott brushed it off.

167

Sandberg pushed.

168

I know an amazing speech coach.

169

Google will pay for it.

170

Scott brushed it off again.

171

Sandberg stopped walking and looked at her and said, you are one of the smartest people I know, but um makes you sound stupid and I'm not going to let you sound stupid.

172

So Scott wrote radical candor about that moment.

173

Her frame caring personally means challenging directly.

174

And I think using words like stupid are really triggering for people.

175

And in a way, that's exactly what you want.

176

I call it the idiot index, which I think I stole from Elon Musk.

177

And so with my admin team, I'll say, did you run this idea past the idiot index?

178

And that is such a triggering thing for people.

179

They're like, does she call me an idiot?

180

Does that mean I'm an idiot?

181

But what I'm saying is only an idiot would do this.

182

So like, did we run it past an index?

183

Not you, but when you're looking at a bunch of options in front of you, did you go, imagine my dumbest friend is right here.

184

Is my really dumb friend going to make this decision that I always get annoyed at my dumb friend for making?

185

And this is really helpful because if you don't do this, you're failing your people.

186

Now, the next part, we talk about this, like the room you're afraid to call.

187

So often managers become human complaint boxes.

188

Like you don't wanna be stuck accidentally becoming a therapist, do you?

189

I know that I do not.

190

That is not my happy place at all.

191

I think there's a pattern here, right?

192

two people have a problem with talking to each other instead

193

of talking it out one person brings it to you the

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leader right you see this in social circles too like pam

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did this then the other one right nobody's talking to each other

196

but everybody's talking about each other

197

and the two people who actually have the problem they're not

198

talking at all this happened to me in my business recently

199

it's super annoying it's one of my biggest complaints in business

200

and i finally had to sit them in a room together and say, you're both adults, talk to each other, or stop complaining to me.

201

But you don't get to do both.

202

If you guys talk to each other and you can't work it out and you are doing it direct, then you can bring it to me.

203

But if you are not even having a conversation, I don't want to hear about it because all you're teaching me is

204

that you're not good enough or strong enough

205

or have enough confidence in order to fix this

206

and you just want to gossip and have drama

207

and i have no space for gossip in my life i know this is a little intense

208

and maybe you're like how am i going to do that

209

if i'm not in charge here's what i would do instead

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i like to say what dave ramsey's rule is and he taught me from being at his headquarters

211

he says at my company we have a no gossip rule we just don't allow it

212

and so if anybody's gossiping or talking about anybody and they find out at Dave Ramsey, you get fired.

213

So I like to say something like

214

if I'm not the main main head dog leader and I can't be as tough as Cody is, I might say something like, you know what?

215

I have a rule this year for me.

216

I don't gossip.

217

I don't talk about other people when they're not in the room.

218

It's my 2026 rule.

219

And so I actually can't participate in this conversation.

220

It's just like one of the things I gave up this year.

221

Now, if we want to go talk to the person in person

222

and like work it out between the three of us

223

and have a constructive conversation i got you i will support you i'll be there

224

but i actually have a rule i just don't gossip right now i don't like how i feel afterwards

225

so i just stopped doing it i think most workplace drama exists

226

because people are having the wrong conversation with the wrong person

227

and not willing to say it to their face the rule is go direct to the source

228

if you have a problem with somebody who's the first person you should talk to them not me

229

and not the group chat also i think sometimes people are just looking for somebody to hold a line

230

so like if you do that

231

and you stop being everybody's emotional middleman the team is going

232

to start handling its own friction instead of laundering it through

233

you i actually saw this the other week my president in

234

a leadership meeting just brought it up he said i had

235

to deal with a bunch of annoying drama this week you

236

know i didn't appreciate having to deal with this issue just one of the leaders had a little flame out

237

and he's like and i didn't appreciate the fact

238

that like i had to mediate two of your uh direct reports this should really be your issue

239

and he's like anybody have anything they want to say about that

240

so it's just out in the open as opposed to this thing it's in the dms that's behind the scenes

241

and in fact even today i was like listen i can

242

feel from both of your teams there's a lot of frustrations

243

i really wish you two could feel like you're on the same team both sides are frustrated with each other

244

and instead of being a team heads down figuring it out you guys are going back and forth

245

and back channeling it's honestly kind of exhausting why can't you

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both just say okay can you do this better what can I do better okay I'll do

247

that and then have a conversation to ask

248

if you two are nailing it I'm like you're all very competent

249

and lord we'd get more done if you worked this way

250

he kind of gave me some feedback what are we not doing

251

that can be improved who's saying what

252

and said no no we're not playing the he said she

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said game i want to make sure you guys are really working together can you do

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that in a team everybody should be vibing on what we

255

need to solve this is not rocket science people have done way harder things than this

256

and you know eventually he's like fair enough okay you know

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we'll work on this i hear you i'll do my part

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i said great i will always hear your frustrations as long

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as you guys are actually airing them out to each other because the truth is

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you will actually have a team that is so much higher functioning

261

if you push them to have crucial conversations to the point

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of i literally have handed people before the book radical candor

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or crucial conversations and

264

so don't feel like leadership is about being liked it's about

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making your people better i think in the future you should aspire to be the type of leader where other people say, yeah, they're really tough, but man,

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am I better because of it.

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It's not just that I like that person.

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I like who I am because of them.

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Because of the way that I have learned watching them, I am more valuable today.

270

Don't you want to be respected, not just liked?

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I know I do.

272

Soft feedback feels kind, but honest feedback will actually build your employees up.

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Every manager has to choose between comfort or growth.

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So remember clear.

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And this week, have that conversation.

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Do the difficult convo.

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Talk to the person that feels off.

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Maybe get rid of the person on your team that will not do the thing you know they need to do.

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And if this is you in your personal life, do the exact same thing.

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Half of the stuff that works in business works even better in your personal life.

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There's just no guardrails to how you should have gossipy, hard conversations in your personal life too.

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And if you want us to help you become a better leader, if you want us to help you have these kind of conversations and figure out where you are choosing comfort over growth,

283

maybe you should join the boardroom where we help owners do this every single week.

284

Can you tell me if this episode was useful and what is the thing that is holding you back from growth?

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المفردات وملاحظات التحدث لهذا الدرس

هذا الدرس في المحادثة مبني على الفيديو “Stop Being Nice: The C.L.E.A.R. Method for Earning Respect”. يحتوي هذا الفيديو على 284 جملة و3293 كلمة للتدرب على الترديد. مدة الكلام 16:40. يتكلم المتحدث بسرعة، نحو 198 كلمة في الدقيقة، لذا ستسمع كثيرًا من وصل الكلمات واختزال الأصوات. 87% من الكلمات ضمن أكثر 3,000 كلمة شيوعًا في الإنجليزية، فالمفردات سهلة المتابعة.

أهم المفردات في هذا الفيديو

15 كلمة من الفيديو تستحق التعلّم، مع النطق والمعنى:

الكلمة	النطق	المعنى
feedback اسم	/ˈfiːdˌbæk/	تَلْقِيم اِسْتِرْجَاعِيّ, تَقْيِيم
gossip اسم	/ˈɡɑsɪp/	نَمِيمَة, إِشَاعَة
comfort اسم	/ˈkʌm.fət/	رَاحَة
praise فعل	/pɹeɪz/	مَدَحَ, أَثْنَى
presentation اسم	/ˌpɹɛzn̩ˈteɪʃn̩/	إِرَاءَة
oppose فعل	/əˈpoʊz/	عَارَض
vanity اسم	/ˈvænəti/	غُرُور
helpful صفة	/ˈhɛlp.fl̩/	نَافِع, مُفِيد
steal فعل	/stiːl/	سَرَقَ
complaint اسم	/kəmˈpleɪnt/	شِكَايَة, شَكْوَى
crucial صفة	/ˈkɹuː.ʃəl/	حَاسِم
trigger اسم	/ˈtɹɪɡɚ/	زِنَاد
brush اسم	/bɹʌʃ/	فُرْشَاة
frustration اسم	/fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/	إِحْبَاط
partnership اسم	/ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/	شِرَاكَة

الأفعال المركبة التي ستسمعها

الكلمة	النطق	المعنى
give up فعل		تَنَازَلَ, تَخَلَّى
shut up	/ʃʌt ʌp/	صَه, اُسْكُت

جمل تستحق التكرار

جمل قصيرة وكاملة من الفيديو يمكنك استخدامها في الحديث اليومي:

You've been unhappy for months.
You haven't thought they were performing for months.
They're like, does she call me an idiot?
Does that mean I'm an idiot?
Don't you want to be respected, not just liked?

القواعد في هذا الفيديو

أكثر التراكيب التي يستخدمها المتحدث، مع العبارات نفسها من الفيديو:

التركيب	في الفيديو
“used to” used to + فعل — عادة أو حالة في الماضي لم تعد قائمة	used to push · used to drive · used to feedback
الجمل الشرطية if + جملة، will/would + فعل — شرط ونتيجته	if you remember the two c's you'll get
المضارع التام have/has + اسم المفعول — حدث ماضٍ ما زال له أثر الآن	has ever saved · I've realized · you've been
المبني للمجهول be + اسم المفعول — التركيز على ما يحدث لا على من يفعله	be said · be shocked · is called

نطق يحتاج إلى انتباه

يستخدم المتحدث 102 من الصيغ المختصرة، مثل you're, don't, I'm. انطقها بصيغتها القصيرة كما تسمعها.

أصوات “th”: therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/
أصوات “sh” و“zh”: presentation /ˌpɹɛzn̩ˈteɪʃn̩/, crucial /ˈkɹuː.ʃəl/, brush /bɹʌʃ/, frustration /fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/, partnership /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/
الكلمات الطويلة — انتبه لموضع النبر: participate /pɑːˈtɪs.ɪ.peɪt/, accidentally /ˌæk.sɪˈdɛnt(ə)li/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, whatsoever /ˌ(h)wʌtsoʊˈɛvɚ/

أصوات يجدها متحدثو العربية صعبة:

/p/ — ليس /b/: انطقه مع نفخة هواء: gossip /ˈɡɑsɪp/, praise /pɹeɪz/, presentation /ˌpɹɛzn̩ˈteɪʃn̩/, oppose /əˈpoʊz/, helpful /ˈhɛlp.fl̩/
/v/ — ليس /f/: مع اهتزاز الأوتار الصوتية: vanity /ˈvænəti/, solve /sɒlv/, aggressive /əˈɡɹɛs.ɪv/, whatsoever /ˌ(h)wʌtsoʊˈɛvɚ/, vibe /vaɪb/
تتابع الصوامت — لا تضف حركة بينها: praise /pɹeɪz/, presentation /ˌpɹɛzn̩ˈteɪʃn̩/, helpful /ˈhɛlp.fl̩/, steal /stiːl/, complaint /kəmˈpleɪnt/

كيف تتدرب بهذا الفيديو

استمع إلى الفيديو كاملًا مرة واحدة دون أن تتكلم، ودوّن الكلمات التي لا تعرفها.
ابدأ بسرعة 0.75×، وردّد جملة جملة، ثم عُد إلى السرعة العادية عندما يصبح الأمر سهلًا.
سجّل صوتك وقارنه بالأصل، مع الانتباه إلى كلمات مثل feedback, gossip, comfort.

ما هي تقنية التظليل الصوتي؟

التظليل الصوتي (Shadowing) تقنية تعلم لغة مدعومة علمياً، طُورت أصلاً لتدريب المترجمين الفوريين المحترفين. الطريقة بسيطة لكنها قوية: تستمع لصوت إنجليزي أصلي وتكرره فوراً بصوت عالٍ — كظل يتبع المتحدث بتأخير 1-2 ثانية. تُظهر الأبحاث تحسناً كبيراً في دقة النطق والتنغيم والإيقاع وربط الأصوات والاستماع والطلاقة.

تقنية الشادوينغ: اقرأ الدليل الكامل خطوة بخطوة →

تدريب Shadowing: Stop Being Nice: The C.L.E.A.R. Method for Earning Respect - تعلم التحدث بالإنجليزية عبر الفيديو

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