Shadowing Practice: find your soul first, then your soulmate - Learn English Speaking with Video

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so i'm going to title this video something along along the

lines of find your soul before you find your soulmate

and you might think

that this video is going to be kind of a long

pseudo philosophical kind of ramble about like oh like to find the one you gotta find the one in yourself

and it's gonna have a little bit of that

but i i think it's actually a pretty interesting uh topic especially

if you're looking at uh long -term pair bonding

and the statistics behind that and how to find an optimal pairing

so i mean i i graduated with a math degree i'm a bit of a nerd um

but i'm also a uh definitely like a romeo at heart you know

when i was a kid i would i would always love having crushes

or whatever and i love like romance movies

so it's a it's a mix of like my scientific side in this approach

and then also the uh kind of the part of me that's like uh kind of that hopeless romantic archetype as well.

So you'll get an interesting mix, but long -term pair bonding is very difficult.

Finding someone who is, you know, you could call a soulmate, right?

Someone who is, I would like to consider, we're going to try to rigorously define soulmate because you don't want an overloaded term.

You know, an overloaded term is a term that is, you know, one word has multiple definitions and they might be slightly different definitions.

So if you're getting in an argument with someone and you're both defining something slightly different, you might actually just agree or agree to some extent, right?

But if you don't like very much clarify some of these overloaded terms, then it might sound like the other person is spouting nonsense.

So when I say soulmate, I mean a little bit of the whimsical kind of this person is meant for me,

but I mostly mean if you are going to put the population, right, the potential, you know,

dating population for you as an individual, and you're going to put them on a normal curve.

So this is where you have like, you know, your mean is going to be here right at the 50th percentile.

I'm going to say a soulmate is someone who might be one

or two standard deviations of the very kind of end of

that tail at and scaled on population of the potential dating pool

and your levels of compatibility with this person and what i mean by finding your soul before finding your soul mate

is discovering who you are and what is important to you is really important to make sure it's it's

really uh essential to make sure that

that is clear to you even though finding yourself is a

maybe a fruitless task maybe you'll never truly find yourself

but at least define it a little bit more don't ignore it right uh

because long -term pair bonding is already you know

if you look at marriage statistics it's hard it's really hard to find someone

that really fits with you especially over the long run

but i believe if you really do a lot of self -discovery um

and really experimentation for yourself and i don't just mean like oh go sleep with a bunch of people experimentation i'm

i mean you could do that i don't care

but like i i kind of mean like trying things

that are you know trying things

that are new you know reading different like philosophies seeing different people's worldviews maybe traveling around a little bit

and really kind of getting a better sense of who you are

and in part discovering who you are is discovering who you could be

and what I mean by

that is there's certain it's the unknown unknowns what are the things not to quote Donald Rumsfeld

but it's pretty legendary speech not in a good way

but know what i mean it is the things

that you don't know that you don't know

that might end up being a major component of you as

soon as they are discovered think about those things in your maybe your childhood

or adult and now really or maybe in the future theoretically

that you didn't know about them

but as soon as you learn about it it just becomes

such a clear part of you i believe the self -discovery

is also selfish is an expansion right it is like figuring out all the pieces

that fit really well with you and the problem with like long -term pair bonding

is that there's so many traits that are important and so many kind of levers of compatibility

that if you don't understand yourself well enough

and you haven't kind of fully defined yourself well enough

because there might be something

that becomes really important to you in the future you partner with someone in the past right

and then once you reach that point in the future where that thing becomes really important to you, maybe it is, you know,

contradictory to your partner, right?

In some way that is really important.

And then your compatibility over, your compatibility at that point gets completely, you know, re -evaluated.

And there's also another, you know, and I could keep going on to like compatibility.

And I think sometimes like I fight this battle of the, is I look at so much of life through this analytical you know,

probabilistic view, and I try to be very logical, but for the world of, like, you know, romance and finding,

you know, a partner, I feel like I try to be very careful to be over -logical, overly logical in a situation like that, because I believe that there is art and science in the world.

There's more than that, but let's say art and science are two categories.

You know, science is something you can, you know, you can address rigorously.

Maybe it's in the world of probabilities, So yours can't be, you know, it can't be like a chess game with all the information on the table.

You can at least, you know, take the scientific method.

You can take logic to it.

I think, you know, business is a pretty good avenue for that.

I think a lot of decisions of people applied more logic to it and, you know, they would have a better outcome in their life

but I also believe it is sometimes it might be in chess terms it might be a blunder to

take that scientific lens and that scientific kind of perspective to everything

and what I mean by that is I think that you know

that experience you get when you go to a great art museum is not not always sometimes

when I go there I'm like oh well this is well

more of a museum right of like a museum right not

an art gallery for a museum i'm like oh this is technically interesting

because of this and this and this and you know i recently went

and i saw this uh i went to this museum

that was like it was like someone uncovered a sunken spanish ship from the you know

1600s or something and had all the gold

but then went through the history of uh you know kind of the all everything

that went on there i thought that's fascinating right

when you go to an art exhibit you are you know i'm sure some it could be defined scientifically

but i just choose not to right it's your your your

it's like you're caught up in between it's like in between

the lines in between your thoughts right it is the the it's almost like the fact

that sometimes a beautiful piece of art will wipe your mind to the point

that you would achieve in deep meditation

and you were just able to be there in the moment

and experience it in a way that's really hard to rigorously define

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which is part of the beauty of it and I think

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when it comes to relationships I also I you know I

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want to experience the art of life as well I think

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it's important to have a good life to experience to look

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at it through the science for a lot of it but for relationships I sometimes feel

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having an overly technical view is like you're going to extinguish the art

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that is potentially there the you know the romance like a you know

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when you know It's like you dance on the dance floor, you feel awkward and you look awkward when you think through it,

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but you, you know, you don't feel awkward and you don't look awkward when you're, when you're experiencing it, when you're doing what comes naturally.

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So when I speak about, you know, the optimization, I think if you're looking at the population aggregate, if you understand yourself better, you are going to understand,

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you know, even intuitively without writing it down on paper, right?

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A lot of this is just intuitive, partially because your brain has been wired for optimal pair bonding, given, you know, over thousands and thousands and thousands of years.

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So, right, it's doing calculations, but you can't really consciously tell it's why

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when you fall in love with someone it's usually not a pros

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and cons list right if you're deciding if you're in love with someone

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and you have to go to a pros

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and cons list you're probably not right um i i also think that

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if we're talking about you know you must find yourself like

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find your soul before you find your soulmate i think

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that i've experienced you know a lot of intense romantic feelings

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in periods of my life where i was lost i think

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is a vague term my my purpose was a little bit unclear there were things

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that i needed to tidy up in my personal life

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and sometimes it swings up and down right you're you don't tidy up your personal life

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and then you're done it's it's a long experience you sail

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through one storm doesn't mean there isn't another you several days out several months out whatever

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but i've found that my romantic obsession is

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and not like the movie obsession crazy level but just that kind of uh immediate like almost an infatuation

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a premature infatuation right you meet with someone a little bit

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and then you construct this version in your mind uh

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because of how amazing they are you're always daydreaming about them

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which fills in the details and then you know you construct this fake version of them

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that isn't a person and honestly isn't is unfair to them as well

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because all people have faults

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and they're not going to be this perfect instruction in your

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mind usually you find yourself daydreaming about this person all the time

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when you're there's parts of your life that aren't filled properly

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so you fill the gaps this way and this is something that's common with me

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and i realize more and more that you know, I must almost this idea of like, at the point where I can feel content,

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maybe not happy about it, but theoretically content with being single, that is when I'm ready for a relationship.

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When I feel whole enough by myself, I'm ready to expand who I am to bring someone in

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and have this joint union be bigger than either of the two of us, as opposed to, I feel, you know,

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incomplete and i need someone to complete me that that is usually

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that usually doesn't lead to good results and when you're thinking

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and if you want i'm going to shift it a little i have a little

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you know artsy philosophical whatever uh kind of couple minutes here

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but i'm going to shift it back to a little bit more

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that scientific rigorous perspective if you're looking for a long -term partner

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which let's say that they're your soulmate

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which we defined earlier is like one to two standard deviations

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on this kind of compatibility another really important thing to try

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to be aware of is the difference in short -term

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and long -term mating you can look i mean i swear

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it's it's the literature man's technical terms i'm not trying to be weird

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but you can look up uh dr david buss he's done

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incredible research on this also mac murphy is a kind of

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a younger scientist in this field who has great content online

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as well um you know i bought i have a few textbooks

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that i purchase to read because you know i'll read once in a

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while i'm not gonna pretend like i spend all day reading

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yeah i don't scroll too much i should read more

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but you know i bought dr david bust a textbook

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because it's really interesting and his studies are across cultures across history not just like

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and also cultures

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that have very little kind of interaction with each other it feels like there's such difference in partnering up

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but there's it's honestly relatively similar with some cultural variants, right?

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But there's these kind of two, there's almost like these two categories where you have short -term mating, long -term mating, right?

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And I mean, in short, it's like someone who you wanna have a casual relationship with, one night stand at the lowest

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and maybe a friends with benefits situationship type at the most in this kind of short -term window.

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And then someone that you could consider, you know, having kids with or

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and having a long -term partnership with what you what people tend to optimize for on those are very different and sometimes

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you know sometimes it's it's it's hard to shift from one to another

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because you're so used to that kind of short term right

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and the kind of the compatibility traits of uh you know

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what you're looking for in a long -term partner actually can

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be very different from what is often optimized for for short -term partner

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and there's a lot of data behind this i think it's

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important not to make the mistake of flipping the two because it happens quite often.

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And I think you'll understand if you're a short -term partner, and kind of going back to the original topic too,

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it's like in short -term partnerships and short -term mating, it doesn't matter as much about that long -term compatibility because it's short -term.

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And it doesn't matter if you found yourself as much.

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It doesn't matter if you understand yourself as much.

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It doesn't matter because it just, it's not going to have long -term consequences.

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You're not going to bicker over a disagreement six months down the line

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if you're going to be with them for two weeks.

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However, once you kind of enter or potentially enter something that is, has long -term, you know, potential, you need to be thinking about,

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you know, these are the questions I ask myself.

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You can ask yourself these questions or you can find them irrelevant, right?

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You know, I, I, I, I, I guess this is almost, uh, you know, I want to be the partner that, but I also want a partner that can,

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it's like, you want to pick someone who will be like your partner

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that you pick will likely be the one that is with you when your parents die.

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I already had my dad died like a couple of years ago.

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So I, I, I feel like I, since I've gone through that, you know, gone through that experience, I can be a better partner for someone who is going to go through

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that experience but like my mom's still alive

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and hopefully for a very long time but

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if i have a long -term partner

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that would be the person i pick to be with me there through

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that if another question to ask yourself is that

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if you passed away suddenly would you be you know would you be confident

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and would you feel secure that the partner you chose is going to be the sole partner to raise your children,

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to instill those values, to raise them correctly, if you were to pass away randomly.

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Another question I ask, which is pretty important for me, it might be somewhat important to you, but less so, but it's important to me,

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is if When we're both 60, when we're both 50, I don't know, when we're kind of at the later stage in life,

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and maybe kids are off in college, and the work stuff is kind of, you've kind of had your career, and it's a Sunday morning,

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and you walk downstairs, and you brew a cup of coffee, and maybe have a porch, so you and your partner, in my case, me and my wife here,

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would go and sit out on the porch, right? cups of coffee, whatever, it's a Sunday morning, would I seriously enjoy, it might be the highlight of my week,

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to talk to them for a couple hours?

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This is the person you're going to spend the most, statistically, the person you're going to spend the most time with.

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Do you enjoy spending time with them when the attraction is gone, the raising kids element together is gone, grandkids maybe are on the horizon, right?

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And it's just you and them.

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Are you looking forward to that

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or are you immediately going to hang out with your buddies

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or do something else

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because you want you just know the conversation is going to be you know obnoxious right

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or just stale or bland or you're going to get into fights

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and bickering and everything like that and there's a lot more questions like

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that that i ask myself but i wanted to pose a couple

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that i ask and kind of the final thing this video is i'm going to ask

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because i'm very curious about this too is for all of

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you watching what are the questions for a long -term partner

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that you ask like those three that i just asked

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because maybe there's going to be a few in the comment section i want to start asking myself So selfishly, I'd love to hear.

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250 sentences

Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This speaking lesson is built on the video “find your soul first, then your soulmate”. This video has 221 sentences and 3088 words to shadow. The speech runs for 16:26. The speaker talks fast, about 188 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 85% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
compatibility noun	/kəmˌpætəˈbɪlɪti/	The state of being compatible; in which two or more things are able to exist or work together in combination without problems or conflict.
define verb	/dɪˈfaɪn/	To determine with precision; to mark out with distinctness; to ascertain or exhibit clearly.
awkward adjective	/ˈɔk.wɚd/	Lacking dexterity in the use of the hands, or of instruments.
romantic adjective	/ɹoʊˈmæn(t)ɪk/	Fantastic, unrealistic (of an idea etc.); fanciful, sentimental, impractical (of a person).
discover verb	/dɪˈskʌvə/	To find or learn something for the first time.
romance noun	/roʊˈmæn(t)s/	An intimate relationship between two people; a love affair.
logical adjective	/ˈlɑd͡ʒɪkəl/	In agreement with the principles of logic.
topic noun	/ˈtɑpɪk/	A subject; a theme; a category or general area of interest.
partnership noun	/ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/	The state of being associated with a partner.
discovery noun	/dɪˈskʌv.ɹi/	Something discovered.
potentially adverb	/pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/	In a manner showing much potential; with the possibility of happening in a given way.
con verb	/kɑn/	To trick, lie or defraud, usually for personal gain.
construct verb	/ˈkɑn.stɹʌkt/	To build or form (something) by assembling parts.
philosophical adjective	/ˌfɪl.əˈsɑ.fɪ.kl̩/	Of, or pertaining to, philosophy.
chess noun	/t͡ʃɛs/	A board game for two players, each beginning with sixteen chess pieces moving according to fixed rules across a chessboard with the objective to checkmate the…

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
go through verb		To travel from one end of something to the other.
pass away verb		To die.
end up verb		To bring to a conclusion.
figure out verb		To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce.
go back to verb		To stem from; to originate in.
look forward to verb		To anticipate, expect, or wait for, especially with a feeling of approval or pleasure; to be excited or eager to.
look up verb	/ˌlʊk ˈʌp/	To have better prospects.
think through verb		To fully consider, so as to understand all the consequences of.

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	is meant · are discovered · could be defined
Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing	someone who is · someone who might · someone who you
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	has been wired · i've experienced · i've found

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 91 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, I'm, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “sh” and “zh” sounds: partnership /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/, obsession /əbˈsɛʃən/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, casual /ˈkæʒ(u)əl/
Long words — get the stress right: compatibility /kəmˌpætəˈbɪlɪti/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/, philosophical /ˌfɪl.əˈsɑ.fɪ.kl̩/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like compatibility, define, awkward.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: find your soul first, then your soulmate - Learn English Speaking with Video

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