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so i'm going to title this video something along along the

lines of find your soul before you find your soulmate

and you might think

that this video is going to be kind of a long

pseudo philosophical kind of ramble about like oh like to find the one you gotta find the one in yourself

and it's gonna have a little bit of that

but i i think it's actually a pretty interesting uh topic especially

if you're looking at uh long -term pair bonding

and the statistics behind that and how to find an optimal pairing

so i mean i i graduated with a math degree i'm a bit of a nerd um

but i'm also a uh definitely like a romeo at heart you know

when i was a kid i would i would always love having crushes

or whatever and i love like romance movies

so it's a it's a mix of like my scientific side in this approach

and then also the uh kind of the part of me that's like uh kind of that hopeless romantic archetype as well.

So you'll get an interesting mix, but long -term pair bonding is very difficult.

Finding someone who is, you know, you could call a soulmate, right?

Someone who is, I would like to consider, we're going to try to rigorously define soulmate because you don't want an overloaded term.

You know, an overloaded term is a term that is, you know, one word has multiple definitions and they might be slightly different definitions.

So if you're getting in an argument with someone and you're both defining something slightly different, you might actually just agree or agree to some extent, right?

But if you don't like very much clarify some of these overloaded terms, then it might sound like the other person is spouting nonsense.

So when I say soulmate, I mean a little bit of the whimsical kind of this person is meant for me,

but I mostly mean if you are going to put the population, right, the potential, you know,

dating population for you as an individual, and you're going to put them on a normal curve.

So this is where you have like, you know, your mean is going to be here right at the 50th percentile.

I'm going to say a soulmate is someone who might be one

or two standard deviations of the very kind of end of

that tail at and scaled on population of the potential dating pool

and your levels of compatibility with this person and what i mean by finding your soul before finding your soul mate

is discovering who you are and what is important to you is really important to make sure it's it's

really uh essential to make sure that

that is clear to you even though finding yourself is a

maybe a fruitless task maybe you'll never truly find yourself

but at least define it a little bit more don't ignore it right uh

because long -term pair bonding is already you know

if you look at marriage statistics it's hard it's really hard to find someone

that really fits with you especially over the long run

but i believe if you really do a lot of self -discovery um

and really experimentation for yourself and i don't just mean like oh go sleep with a bunch of people experimentation i'm

i mean you could do that i don't care

but like i i kind of mean like trying things

that are you know trying things

that are new you know reading different like philosophies seeing different people's worldviews maybe traveling around a little bit

and really kind of getting a better sense of who you are

and in part discovering who you are is discovering who you could be

and what I mean by

that is there's certain it's the unknown unknowns what are the things not to quote Donald Rumsfeld

but it's pretty legendary speech not in a good way

but know what i mean it is the things

that you don't know that you don't know

that might end up being a major component of you as

soon as they are discovered think about those things in your maybe your childhood

or adult and now really or maybe in the future theoretically

that you didn't know about them

but as soon as you learn about it it just becomes

such a clear part of you i believe the self -discovery

is also selfish is an expansion right it is like figuring out all the pieces

that fit really well with you and the problem with like long -term pair bonding

is that there's so many traits that are important and so many kind of levers of compatibility

that if you don't understand yourself well enough

and you haven't kind of fully defined yourself well enough

because there might be something

that becomes really important to you in the future you partner with someone in the past right

and then once you reach that point in the future where that thing becomes really important to you, maybe it is, you know,

contradictory to your partner, right?

In some way that is really important.

And then your compatibility over, your compatibility at that point gets completely, you know, re -evaluated.

And there's also another, you know, and I could keep going on to like compatibility.

And I think sometimes like I fight this battle of the, is I look at so much of life through this analytical you know,

probabilistic view, and I try to be very logical, but for the world of, like, you know, romance and finding,

you know, a partner, I feel like I try to be very careful to be over -logical, overly logical in a situation like that, because I believe that there is art and science in the world.

There's more than that, but let's say art and science are two categories.

You know, science is something you can, you know, you can address rigorously.

Maybe it's in the world of probabilities, So yours can't be, you know, it can't be like a chess game with all the information on the table.

You can at least, you know, take the scientific method.

You can take logic to it.

I think, you know, business is a pretty good avenue for that.

I think a lot of decisions of people applied more logic to it and, you know, they would have a better outcome in their life

but I also believe it is sometimes it might be in chess terms it might be a blunder to

take that scientific lens and that scientific kind of perspective to everything

and what I mean by that is I think that you know

that experience you get when you go to a great art museum is not not always sometimes

when I go there I'm like oh well this is well

more of a museum right of like a museum right not

an art gallery for a museum i'm like oh this is technically interesting

because of this and this and this and you know i recently went

and i saw this uh i went to this museum

that was like it was like someone uncovered a sunken spanish ship from the you know

1600s or something and had all the gold

but then went through the history of uh you know kind of the all everything

that went on there i thought that's fascinating right

when you go to an art exhibit you are you know i'm sure some it could be defined scientifically

but i just choose not to right it's your your your

it's like you're caught up in between it's like in between

the lines in between your thoughts right it is the the it's almost like the fact

that sometimes a beautiful piece of art will wipe your mind to the point

that you would achieve in deep meditation

and you were just able to be there in the moment

and experience it in a way that's really hard to rigorously define

100

which is part of the beauty of it and I think

101

when it comes to relationships I also I you know I

102

want to experience the art of life as well I think

103

it's important to have a good life to experience to look

104

at it through the science for a lot of it but for relationships I sometimes feel

105

having an overly technical view is like you're going to extinguish the art

106

that is potentially there the you know the romance like a you know

107

when you know It's like you dance on the dance floor, you feel awkward and you look awkward when you think through it,

108

but you, you know, you don't feel awkward and you don't look awkward when you're, when you're experiencing it, when you're doing what comes naturally.

109

So when I speak about, you know, the optimization, I think if you're looking at the population aggregate, if you understand yourself better, you are going to understand,

110

you know, even intuitively without writing it down on paper, right?

111

A lot of this is just intuitive, partially because your brain has been wired for optimal pair bonding, given, you know, over thousands and thousands and thousands of years.

112

So, right, it's doing calculations, but you can't really consciously tell it's why

113

when you fall in love with someone it's usually not a pros

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and cons list right if you're deciding if you're in love with someone

115

and you have to go to a pros

116

and cons list you're probably not right um i i also think that

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if we're talking about you know you must find yourself like

118

find your soul before you find your soulmate i think

119

that i've experienced you know a lot of intense romantic feelings

120

in periods of my life where i was lost i think

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is a vague term my my purpose was a little bit unclear there were things

122

that i needed to tidy up in my personal life

123

and sometimes it swings up and down right you're you don't tidy up your personal life

124

and then you're done it's it's a long experience you sail

125

through one storm doesn't mean there isn't another you several days out several months out whatever

126

but i've found that my romantic obsession is

127

and not like the movie obsession crazy level but just that kind of uh immediate like almost an infatuation

128

a premature infatuation right you meet with someone a little bit

129

and then you construct this version in your mind uh

130

because of how amazing they are you're always daydreaming about them

131

which fills in the details and then you know you construct this fake version of them

132

that isn't a person and honestly isn't is unfair to them as well

133

because all people have faults

134

and they're not going to be this perfect instruction in your

135

mind usually you find yourself daydreaming about this person all the time

136

when you're there's parts of your life that aren't filled properly

137

so you fill the gaps this way and this is something that's common with me

138

and i realize more and more that you know, I must almost this idea of like, at the point where I can feel content,

139

maybe not happy about it, but theoretically content with being single, that is when I'm ready for a relationship.

140

When I feel whole enough by myself, I'm ready to expand who I am to bring someone in

141

and have this joint union be bigger than either of the two of us, as opposed to, I feel, you know,

142

incomplete and i need someone to complete me that that is usually

143

that usually doesn't lead to good results and when you're thinking

144

and if you want i'm going to shift it a little i have a little

145

you know artsy philosophical whatever uh kind of couple minutes here

146

but i'm going to shift it back to a little bit more

147

that scientific rigorous perspective if you're looking for a long -term partner

148

which let's say that they're your soulmate

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which we defined earlier is like one to two standard deviations

150

on this kind of compatibility another really important thing to try

151

to be aware of is the difference in short -term

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and long -term mating you can look i mean i swear

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it's it's the literature man's technical terms i'm not trying to be weird

154

but you can look up uh dr david buss he's done

155

incredible research on this also mac murphy is a kind of

156

a younger scientist in this field who has great content online

157

as well um you know i bought i have a few textbooks

158

that i purchase to read because you know i'll read once in a

159

while i'm not gonna pretend like i spend all day reading

160

yeah i don't scroll too much i should read more

161

but you know i bought dr david bust a textbook

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because it's really interesting and his studies are across cultures across history not just like

163

and also cultures

164

that have very little kind of interaction with each other it feels like there's such difference in partnering up

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but there's it's honestly relatively similar with some cultural variants, right?

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But there's these kind of two, there's almost like these two categories where you have short -term mating, long -term mating, right?

167

And I mean, in short, it's like someone who you wanna have a casual relationship with, one night stand at the lowest

168

and maybe a friends with benefits situationship type at the most in this kind of short -term window.

169

And then someone that you could consider, you know, having kids with or

170

and having a long -term partnership with what you what people tend to optimize for on those are very different and sometimes

171

you know sometimes it's it's it's hard to shift from one to another

172

because you're so used to that kind of short term right

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and the kind of the compatibility traits of uh you know

174

what you're looking for in a long -term partner actually can

175

be very different from what is often optimized for for short -term partner

176

and there's a lot of data behind this i think it's

177

important not to make the mistake of flipping the two because it happens quite often.

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And I think you'll understand if you're a short -term partner, and kind of going back to the original topic too,

179

it's like in short -term partnerships and short -term mating, it doesn't matter as much about that long -term compatibility because it's short -term.

180

And it doesn't matter if you found yourself as much.

181

It doesn't matter if you understand yourself as much.

182

It doesn't matter because it just, it's not going to have long -term consequences.

183

You're not going to bicker over a disagreement six months down the line

184

if you're going to be with them for two weeks.

185

However, once you kind of enter or potentially enter something that is, has long -term, you know, potential, you need to be thinking about,

186

you know, these are the questions I ask myself.

187

You can ask yourself these questions or you can find them irrelevant, right?

188

You know, I, I, I, I, I guess this is almost, uh, you know, I want to be the partner that, but I also want a partner that can,

189

it's like, you want to pick someone who will be like your partner

190

that you pick will likely be the one that is with you when your parents die.

191

I already had my dad died like a couple of years ago.

192

So I, I, I feel like I, since I've gone through that, you know, gone through that experience, I can be a better partner for someone who is going to go through

193

that experience but like my mom's still alive

194

and hopefully for a very long time but

195

if i have a long -term partner

196

that would be the person i pick to be with me there through

197

that if another question to ask yourself is that

198

if you passed away suddenly would you be you know would you be confident

199

and would you feel secure that the partner you chose is going to be the sole partner to raise your children,

200

to instill those values, to raise them correctly, if you were to pass away randomly.

201

Another question I ask, which is pretty important for me, it might be somewhat important to you, but less so, but it's important to me,

202

is if When we're both 60, when we're both 50, I don't know, when we're kind of at the later stage in life,

203

and maybe kids are off in college, and the work stuff is kind of, you've kind of had your career, and it's a Sunday morning,

204

and you walk downstairs, and you brew a cup of coffee, and maybe have a porch, so you and your partner, in my case, me and my wife here,

205

would go and sit out on the porch, right? cups of coffee, whatever, it's a Sunday morning, would I seriously enjoy, it might be the highlight of my week,

206

to talk to them for a couple hours?

207

This is the person you're going to spend the most, statistically, the person you're going to spend the most time with.

208

Do you enjoy spending time with them when the attraction is gone, the raising kids element together is gone, grandkids maybe are on the horizon, right?

209

And it's just you and them.

210

Are you looking forward to that

211

or are you immediately going to hang out with your buddies

212

or do something else

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because you want you just know the conversation is going to be you know obnoxious right

214

or just stale or bland or you're going to get into fights

215

and bickering and everything like that and there's a lot more questions like

216

that that i ask myself but i wanted to pose a couple

217

that i ask and kind of the final thing this video is i'm going to ask

218

because i'm very curious about this too is for all of

219

you watching what are the questions for a long -term partner

220

that you ask like those three that i just asked

221

because maybe there's going to be a few in the comment section i want to start asking myself So selfishly, I'd love to hear.

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Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку

Этот урок разговорной практики построен на видео «find your soul first, then your soulmate». В этом видео 221 предложений и 3088 слов для шедоуинга. Речь длится 16:26. Говорящий говорит быстро, около 188 слов в минуту, поэтому звуки часто сливаются и сокращаются. 85% слов входят в 3000 самых частых слов английского языка; остальные стоит разобрать перед занятием.

Ключевая лексика этого видео

15 слов из видео, которые стоит выучить, с произношением и значением:

Слово	Произношение	Значение
compatibility существительное	/kəmˌpætəˈbɪlɪti/	совмести́мость
define глагол	/dɪˈfaɪn/	определя́ть, определи́ть
awkward прилагательное	/ˈɔk.wɚd/	нело́вкий, неуклю́жий
romantic прилагательное	/ɹoʊˈmæn(t)ɪk/	романти́ческий
discover глагол	/dɪˈskʌvə/	открыва́ть, откры́ть
romance существительное	/roʊˈmæn(t)s/	рома́н
logical прилагательное	/ˈlɑd͡ʒɪkəl/	логи́ческий
topic существительное	/ˈtɑpɪk/	те́ма, предме́т
partnership существительное	/ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/	партнёрство
discovery существительное	/dɪˈskʌv.ɹi/	откры́тие
con глагол	/kɑn/	обма́нывать, обману́ть
construct глагол	/ˈkɑn.stɹʌkt/	стро́ить, постро́ить
philosophical прилагательное	/ˌfɪl.əˈsɑ.fɪ.kl̩/	филосо́фский
chess существительное	/t͡ʃɛs/	ша́хматы
optimal прилагательное	/ˈɑptɪməl/	оптима́льный, лу́чший

Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите

Слово	Произношение	Значение
pass away глагол		сконча́ться, умере́ть
end up глагол		зака́нчиваться, зако́нчиться
figure out глагол		разбира́ться, разобра́ться
look forward to глагол		ждать с нетерпе́нием, не мочь дожда́ться
look up глагол	/ˌlʊk ˈʌp/	улучша́ться
think through глагол		проду́мывать, проду́мать

Грамматика в этом видео

Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:

Конструкция	В видео
Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает	is meant · are discovered · could be defined
Придаточные определительные who / which + предложение — уточнение о человеке или предмете	someone who is · someone who might · someone who you
Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас	has been wired · i've experienced · i've found

Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание

Говорящий использует 91 сокращённых и редуцированных форм, например you're, I'm, don't. Произносите их коротко, так, как слышите.

Звуки «sh» и «zh»: partnership /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/, obsession /əbˈsɛʃən/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/, casual /ˈkæʒ(u)əl/
Длинные слова — следите за ударением: compatibility /kəmˌpætəˈbɪlɪti/, potentially /pəˈtɛnʃ(ə)li/, philosophical /ˌfɪl.əˈsɑ.fɪ.kl̩/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/

Звуки, трудные для русскоязычных:

/w/ — губы округлены, это не /v/: awkward /ˈɔk.wɚd/, wire /ˈwaɪɚ/, swing /ˈswɪŋ/, consequence /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/, wipe /waɪp/
/h/ — лёгкий выдох, а не русское «х»: highlight /ˈhaɪˌlaɪt/, horizon /həˈɹaɪ.zən/, hopeless /ˈhoʊplɪs/
Звонкие согласные в конце слова — не оглушайте их: awkward /ˈɔk.wɚd/, expand /ɪkˈspænd/, pretend /pɹəˈtɛnd/, lens /lɛnz/, curve /kɚv/

Как заниматься с этим видео

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Начните со скорости 0,75×, повторяйте предложение за предложением и вернитесь к обычной скорости, когда станет легко.
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Что такое техника Shadowing?

Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.

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