Shadowing Practice: If you want something to change, change how you're approaching it - Learn English Speaking with Video
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We all get stuck in loops where we desperately feel as though we want things to change in our lives, whether it's in our relationships, our work life, our free time.
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But I've noticed that there are two big mistakes
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that we tend to make when we're trying to make change in our lives.
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And these mistakes keep us stuck in these loops where nothing ever does actually change.
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So if we can break free from this loop, we can live lives that are happier, more fulfilling, and just easier in general.
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We can live lives where positive changes actually do happen.
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And if you implement what I'm going to talk about in today's video, you're going to feel as though you're more in control of your lives,
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as opposed to your life being in control of you.
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The concept of today's video is about noticing
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when something needs to change in our lives
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but we keep coming up against this brick wall and we're going to talk about why changing your approach is the answer.
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I'm going to share exactly how you can change your approach, the things that you should focus on changing
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and you can apply this to any change
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that you want to make in your life or any area of your life that's currently giving you some problems.
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So let's start with a story.
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I got inspired to make this video because of something I experienced in my own life.
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Now whether you're a parent or not you are going to understand this story so stick with me.
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So recently Alex and I have been struggling with my son's behaviour, Nate's behaviour.
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He's four and a half years old and he's been getting really tricky, quite aggressive, talking back to us,
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not listening, not doing anything we say, running away in public, really tough behavior.
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And we've been so focused on trying to teach him what is right and wrong and change his behavior,
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not get him to hit us, not get him to spit.
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But one day we just said to each other, this is not working.
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What we're doing, whatever we are doing right now, it's not working.
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We need to change how we are approaching this situation.
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and so we did a lot of research on different parenting styles
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and found what we thought would work for us and
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that aligned with our values overnight we completely changed
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and shifted our parenting style and we had the best day Nate's behavior in just that one day completely changed
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and I looked at Alex at the end of the day
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and I said to him what changed today like what was different about today
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because Nate's behavior was great and he looked back at me
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and he said we changed I was asking him knowing the answer myself as well
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because I knew I knew it was it was us we
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changed how we approached it we changed our responses we changed our the way that we spoke we changed our mindset,
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we changed how we view the whole situation, we changed our actions, our behaviors, we changed and then our situation changed.
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And this is what inspired me to make this video
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because I realized that this can be applied to anywhere in your life, whether you are dealing with relationships at work,
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whether you're dealing with other people, or if you're just dealing with something that you really want to change in your life, but you haven't been able to,
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what I'm about to teach you, you can apply this to any area of your life.
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And it is so important that we realize that we do have control over things.
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Like I talk so much about what we can and can't control on this channel, because it is so important to focus on what we can control.
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but a lot of the time we can be in a
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situation where we we think wow there is absolutely nothing I
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can do here I have no control over this situation
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and in psychology I believe I believe this might be called learned helplessness
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when we really feel as though we just don't have any control over the outcome of our situation
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but if we really stop and think about it there are several things that we can always control in any given situation.
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So I'm going to talk to you about those things in a moment.
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But before I do, I just want you to kind of have in mind,
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maybe a situation or something that is going on in your life right now that you would like to change, or that you've been trying to change for a while,
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but you just keep coming up against a brick wall.
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Maybe have that in your mind as I'm talking through this.
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So you can really think about your own situation and how you can apply these tips to your own life.
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So before I tell you what you can do to change your approach to any given situation, I just want to highlight the two mistakes that we often do.
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The first is that we repeat.
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We repeat the same behaviors.
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We repeat the same mindset.
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We repeat the same actions.
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We repeat, repeat, repeat, and then nothing changes.
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And that's us getting stuck in this loop.
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We just keep doing the same thing, expecting for a different result and it never happens.
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So that is the number one, the number one mistake that I'm trying to highlight with this video is that we have to get out of that loop.
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And by getting out of that loop, we change our approach, which is how, what I'm going to teach you in a second.
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The second big mistake that I think I've noticed a lot is that when we want something to change, we're often, if it has to do with someone else,
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we're often trying to focus too much on the other person, what we can change about them.
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Whereas that is a huge mistake and we really should be focusing on what we change about ourselves.
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The greatest thing about changing yourself and your mindset,
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your behaviors, your actions, your beliefs is that that ends up having an effect on the people around you.
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So it is an ethical way in changing other people.
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We change ourselves and then that has a ripple on effect to everyone else in our lives.
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It might not necessarily happen instantly but it will happen with time.
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People will begin to learn your new behaviours, your new actions and you will start to model the behaviour that you want to see from others as well.
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So with that being said, let's now focus on what you can change in any given situation and how you can change your approach.
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So there are one, two, three, four things I want to cover here.
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The first, which I've mentioned a little bit, is about changing your mindset.
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And I think this is the most important thing.
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When you look at a problem in your life, when you look at something that you want to change in your life, the most important thing is to question your current mindset on it.
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how do you currently perceive that situation
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and I'll give you an example just for a little bit
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of context let's look back at the example of how my son was behaving
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and how we were viewing
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that situation we were viewing it from the eyes of we have to change him
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and we have to change his behavior we have to teach him a different way
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when we changed our mindset to okay let's let's let's view it from it's not a him problem, it's actually an us problem.
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Like we are the problem.
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It wasn't about, you know, blaming us or making us feel bad as parents, but we were just saying we're not,
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we're trying our hardest, but it's not working right now and we have to change what we're doing so our situation changes.
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And so just question where your mindset is at the moment.
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Are you focusing on things that you can't control?
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If you are, notice it, change your mindset and say, now I'm going to start focusing on things I can control.
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If your mindset has a really strong negative bias, you are focusing on everything,
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the problem, everything that might go wrong in the given situation, everything that could go wrong.
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If you take a certain action, how can you change your mindset so that you can start focusing on the solutions?
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what could go right so how are you currently viewing your problematic situation
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and is that current mindset serving you
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or not another thing worth mentioning here is
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that our mindset we can often be stuck in a place of blame
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if things in our lives aren't changing sometimes we can be stuck in a place of blame
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because maybe maybe it is someone else's fault that you're in a certain situation.
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The problem with being stuck in blame, even if it is someone else's fault, is that that blame doesn't help you.
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It doesn't get you out of your problem.
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It doesn't change the situation.
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It doesn't make it better.
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It just makes you feel angry.
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It just keeps you kind of stuck in that loop of blaming someone else for the situation and nothing changing.
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So that's That's another mindset to look out for in situations that you want to change.
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Yes, it might be someone else's problem that you are in the situation that you are in, but it's not serving you to be stuck there blaming someone else.
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So think about the situation and say, okay, what can I control here?
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Where do I have control?
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And what can I do?
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What is one small step forward that I can do to help my situation?
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And with that being said, I want you guys to understand this really important distinction that I've spoken about before.
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When we want to see change in our lives, often we just don't know how we're going to get there.
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And you go, how am I going to get from A to Z?
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How?
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I'm here to tell you that you don't need to know how.
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Okay.
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You don't need to know how to get from A to Z.
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You don't need to know what that journey is exactly.
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You can take a guess, sure, but you don't need to know.
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You don't need to know how, okay?
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You just need to know how to get from A to B.
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And you don't even need to know that B is the right decision.
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Just take a step from A to B and see what happens.
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It doesn't matter if B is the wrong decision to make.
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It doesn't matter if B was a failure because what can you learn from making that decision?
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You can then go to C
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and then you can go to D and as you go along you might go back and forth, back and forth and it's totally fine.
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That's the journey.
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It's not linear but what I want to highlight here is
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that if you get too caught up in trying to figure out how to get from A to Z straight away
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you're going to get stuck in analysis paralysis like you'd be too scared to take action
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because you're questioning every action
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that you make you don't need to know how to get
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from a to z you just need to know what the next step is
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and it's okay if you don't even know
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if that's the correct step any kind of step
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that you take any kind of action
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that you take towards what you think may be positive change
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is going to give you feedback it's going to give you more information
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that you can then go and make another decision on.
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Now, the next thing I want to talk about
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when we want to change our approach to a situation is changing our actions and our behaviours.
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It's all about changing how we respond, how we behave, how our habits are,
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noticing what habits aren't serving us, changing them and implementing new positive habits.
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Let's go back to this example of my son's behavior.
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I was in the habit of yelling at him when he hit me.
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Sure, that sounds about normal, right?
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But unfortunately, every single time I yelled because he hit me,
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that yelling fueled the fire and it got him even more upset or more excited.
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And it gave him the attention that he wanted and he would hit me more.
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The neighborhood dogs are going wild.
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I don't know if you can hear them.
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So I changed my behavior.
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I changed my approach.
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When he hit me, if he was tired, upset about something, angry, and he hit me, I was deadpan.
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I was just no reaction, no emotion, nothing.
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But I would do it in a way that was just
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no reaction and here's the change I didn't get hit once again every time I would yell
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or make a big reaction that just fueled him
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so this is a just this is a little example of me changing my behaviors
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and my habits which then went on to change my situation the next thing we can change
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which has a massive such a massive change on our situations is our internal state
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how calm we are how reactive we are how grounded we are all of
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that will affect our situation and our challenges
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so with your own situation in mind think about how your
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current internal state might be affecting the outcome of your situation
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so for instance if you were living with a partner and
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they're a little messier than you are
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and you're there just trying to control them
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and figure out how they can change and they can become better
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but every time they come home and they throw their shoes on the floor
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or their clothes are all over the place
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that anger inside of you builds and builds and you build
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that resentment and then you end up getting reactive to them
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and having an argument with them and
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that reaction from you isn't going to change the other person
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it's going to cause more issues it's going to cause more problems
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but if you are regulated if you are working on your internal state
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if you are calm
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and you are grounded your reaction is going to be completely
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different you're going to be able to approach the situation with better communication and just as a calmer person,
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you're less likely to escalate the situation or create a fight
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and you might be able to actually have a proper conversation and tell that person how their behavior is affecting you
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and work out a strategy together to make a positive change
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but you can't do that if your internal state is in fight
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or flight you just can't so this has to be really important if you you want things to change in your life,
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recognizing if your internal state is in this reactive fight or flight response and you are just kind of go, go, go.
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You want to put your focus in becoming more grounded, becoming more calm, working on your reactions.
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So once again, it's about changing us, changing our internal state
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that will then help us with our external situations instead of constantly trying to fight
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and change someone else or something else and just continuously coming up against that brick wall.
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The next thing that you can also focus on changing is figuring out how you can change your external environment.
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So this might look like setting up certain systems that help things to change or friction control.
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So let me give an example for both of this.
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my partner used to have the tendency of just throwing his
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clothes on the floor next to his side of the bed
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and there would just be a nice pile up of clothes
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and this used to irritate me a lot
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and I would try to teach him and make him change
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and put his clothes away or put them in the washing basket
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or do whatever just not on a pile on the floor what happened when I tried to do this,
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I just kept banging up against a brick wall and it caused more tension between him and me
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and nothing was getting resolved.
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And then sometimes I wouldn't bring it up and the resentment would build and then I'd burst and get angry about it.
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And it was just a whole thing.
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So I just decided to set up two systems
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that worked with him and his current behaviors and his personality rather than trying to change him.
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I got this vintage little, I don't even know what you call it, like clothes hanging thing.
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I'll put a picture up.
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And instead of the clothes going on the floor next to his side of the bed, they got hung up on this little thing.
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They were his half worn clothes and they got hung up.
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Sometimes it looks like a mess and there's heaps of clothes hung up on this thing, but I don't care.
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They're on that thing now and they're not on the floor.
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and that is cool.
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The other thing I did was just simply moved the washing basket from the bedroom to the bathroom.
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When he had a shower the clothes went directly in the washing basket.
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When my son got in the bath they went directly in the washing basket and no more dirty clothes on the floor.
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That is how we're changing setting up systems that work with us and not trying to change people
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but just setting up a system and friction control is like it's
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that classic example of wanting to get up
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and work out in the morning putting your workout clothes right next to the bed
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and getting straight into them in the morning or you know having
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that laundry basket right next to the shower
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so instead of the clothes being put on the floor they just get put in the laundry basket
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right where they were going to get dumped anyway
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so reduce friction anywhere in your environment That's another thing
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that you can change to change your approach to a situation that is not currently in your favour.
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When you do systems and stuff, you want to think about going from managing the crisis in
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the moment to preventing it from even happening in the first place.
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It's just like preventative health care.
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How can we prevent something from happening instead of managing it once it's already happened?
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I think about this in terms of like communication as well.
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How we communicate with people is so important
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because we can prevent things escalating if we approach the situation consciously instead of then letting it escalate,
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letting it happen and then trying to manage that problem.
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I'd love to hear from you guys in the comments maybe some
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if you're happy to share you don't need to give details
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but just maybe an area of your life that you'd like to change and
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just brainstorm how you might be able to change the way
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that you approach it could you change your mindset could you change your actions
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and behaviors could you change your internal state
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and could you change your environment I hope today's video was helpful
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if you're into this kind of stuff this is what I do on this channel
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and I will pop a couple of videos up on the screen now
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that you might also find interesting it was lovely talking to
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you today it's a beautiful sunny day in Sydney I'm going to go out
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and enjoy some sunshine and I hope you have a nice day bye
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What You'll Learn
This video is a goldmine for English speaking practice, helping you build two key skills: first, using conversational storytelling to connect ideas (like the speaker’s personal anecdote about her son), and second, mastering natural emphasis to highlight important points (e.g., "we changed" to stress agency). These skills are perfect for IELTS speaking practice, where clarity and engagement matter most.
Listen For These Sounds
Pay attention to connected speech patterns, like how "what we're doing" links to "wha(t)we're doin(g)" (eliding the "t" and "g"). You’ll also hear reductions, such as "I've noticed" becoming "I've noticed" (with a relaxed "v" sound) and "it's not working" shortened to "it's not workin'". These small changes make your speech sound more native.
Say It Like a Native
To mirror the speaker’s rhythm, focus on stressing key words: "change how you're approaching it" (stress "change" and "approaching"). Use shadow speech—repeat the lines aloud right after the speaker—to mimic her pace (pausing slightly before "but one day we just said..."). For pronunciation, practice the rising intonation in questions like "what changed today?" to sound natural. A shadowing app can help you refine this by letting you record and compare your speech. Remember: the goal is to sound confident, not perfect—just like the speaker does when sharing her story.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | have been struggling · he's been getting · you've been trying |
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to have · used to irritate |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | can be applied · might be called · being said |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've noticed · we've been · haven't been |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.