Shadowing Practice: Stop Idolizing the "Cool Girl" - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
1
Hello, Daddy Gang.
2
Welcome back to another Sunday session of Call Her Daddy.
3
My life right now is all about finding pants that fit.
4
And, you know, as pregnancy is going along, I don't, I refuse to just wear the same stretchy pants.
5
Like, I don't want to be that girl that's like same outfit every single time.
6
So we're trying to make the bump look cute
7
and wear the occasional cute outfit obviously
8
that does not pertain to today today I could barely get it together um
9
but when I tell you I am searching for cute pregnancy outfits
10
because the minute here's the thing the minute I find pants
11
I buy two sizes up um a lot of cute pants though do have a button
12
and so I can wear them for about two weeks
13
and then I sadly just outgrow them And so the strategy is constantly shifting,
14
but I will say, I think I'm starting to get a hang of how to dress for the bump.
15
I am taking pride in some of my outfits, but it is, you know, it's wild changes guys, but I am having fun with it and I am enjoying myself.
16
What else is going on in my life right now?
17
I, oh, I was at my brother -in -law's house the other night with our whole family for his birthday.
18
And all of my nieces and nephews were there.
19
And it was so cute explaining to them
20
that there is a baby in my belly and that they're going to have a cousin, aka a new friend coming soon.
21
And my little nephew is like staring at my stomach incessantly with just like pure curiosity and excitement and asking like,
22
what's the name going to be? and asking if, like, if he is allowed to touch my belly.
23
It's all very cute.
24
And so, yeah, anyways, life is lifing and all is pretty good.
25
Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Haagen -Dazs.
26
Daddy gang, I think we all deserve a little more me time, whether it's work, school, or whatever is bringing you down.
27
It's so important to take a second to slow down and treat yourself.
28
And lately, my favorite way to do this is with some rich, smooth, creamy ice cream and none better than Haagen -Dazs.
29
You guys, you have to try their cherry dark chocolate bar.
30
Let me just tell you something.
31
Okay.
32
Picture rich cherry ice cream with some tart cherry ribbons all covered in a thick layer of dark chocolate.
33
Yes.
34
It's the kind of thing you don't want to just eat, but you like literally experience.
35
Okay.
36
Usually I'm the type to just like crush a dessert in two seconds, but this, oh girls I'm taking my time I'm like savor every bite
37
Haagen -Dazs is just one of those things that's meant to
38
be savored I've literally been eating Haagen -Dazs since I came
39
out of the womb my entire family has always had it
40
stocked in our fridge it'd be like movie night boom sit down get our Haagen -Dazs
41
and now the cherry dark chocolate bar it's always in my hand okay it is just the perfect sweet treat
42
that I just can't get enough of it's my go -to treat at the end of a long work day.
43
So take your sweet time.
44
That's Dawes available at retailers nationwide.
45
But enough about me.
46
So I was thinking about something the other day when I was driving home from work.
47
I feel like sometimes when I come home from work, it's either like I just fully listen to music or a podcast or I drive in silence.
48
And I don't know why, but recently, you guys, I have nothing I want to listen to.
49
So I'm just driving in silence.
50
And that silence has allowed me to really think a lot with my thoughts in my commute home.
51
That is one of the positives I would say of like not working from home is like, I do kind of like my commute.
52
Cause I'm like, let's get inside this dome, Alex.
53
Like what's going on, sweetie.
54
Let's have a little therapy session together.
55
And then what ended up happening was I kind of came up with a topic
56
that I wanted to just quickly address with the daddy gang
57
um something I was thinking about is like why is it
58
so cool to act like you don't care why is it
59
so cool to act like you didn't even try it just
60
happened like I think there is this huge lie I feel like we are all collectively participating in right now
61
which is essentially the myth of effortlessness like why the fuck is it suddenly I guess
62
and maybe it's not suddenly but like it's it feels like people think it's cool to act like you don't care.
63
When did trying become embarrassing or, you know, too try hard?
64
Like if you go on social media, everything is curated to look like it just happened.
65
Like you look at the cooking videos and you know, these creators throw like three random ingredients into a pan.
66
They snap their fingers and then it's like a Michelin star meal.
67
And also their kitchen looks pristine and so clean, easy, breezy, beautiful, delicious.
68
And what's obvious, what they do not show you is the three hours of prep
69
that went into that food and the camera angles and the sink that is full of crusty dishes and the fact that,
70
you know, they probably burned the first batch.
71
You know, we didn't get to see that part.
72
Or maybe it actually ended up tasting like shit.
73
But we just see the super quick, easy couple step meal to make after work.
74
And that is annoying.
75
Even the fitness videos, they look perfect.
76
They're sucking in.
77
The lighting is hitting perfectly.
78
They don't show the gasping for air in between takes.
79
I just, I know this isn't a new concept.
80
I just feel like it's like shouting in my face recently.
81
Like we're just constantly consuming content that says, look how amazing my life is.
82
And oh, by the way, I barely even tried.
83
Like, look how I barely even like I barely put effort into this.
84
Look how easy this was for me.
85
And I don't know, I just feel exhausted from it.
86
It's toxic.
87
And it's just a filtered lie.
88
And this isn't just obviously social media.
89
It's definitely heightened there.
90
But I feel like this goes back.
91
It actually reminded me.
92
It's almost like going back to childhood.
93
Stay with me.
94
Okay.
95
You're like, Alex, we don't always have to take it back to childhood.
96
Yeah, we do.
97
hold on do you guys remember the kid in school who would sit down for an exam ace it
98
and be like oh my god I didn't even study for me the kid was Connor
99
and I was like Connor
100
and then meanwhile you're up you stayed up till like 2
101
a .m flashcards everywhere sweating through your t -shirt on your way to the test
102
and maybe maybe by the grace of god you gotta be plus maybe honestly probably a maybe even a C.
103
And I was reflecting back on my drive home,
104
thinking about like, whoa, why did we grow up feeling embarrassed for being the person who studied?
105
Why did we validate the person who bragged about doing the bare minimum
106
and still had some success or the same level of success as the person who actually tried?
107
I feel like to some degree, we have carried that exact same energy straight into our adult lives.
108
And yes, most visibly onto social media.
109
And then I couldn't help but think we've also carried it into modern dating for all my single girlies out there.
110
This one's for you.
111
I want to take accountability.
112
Trust me.
113
I was the number one culprit.
114
I would say don't call her daddy.
115
And it's not that I actually don't agree with it because it does work, but it was like, pretend you don't care.
116
It looks so much cooler.
117
I've literally said it before.
118
The person who cares least in the relationship holds all the power.
119
And it sucks because that shouldn't be the case, but somehow it is.
120
In dating, we can get so caught up in playing these psychological games where whoever, you know, takes longer to text back wins.
121
And if you show excitement, you're desperate.
122
And if you plan a nice date, oh my God, well, you should just end at all you're just doing way too much
123
so everyone then walks around wearing this like armor of like yeah we're just hanging out
124
but like whatever I don't really care and it's a complete defense mechanism
125
because if you act like you don't care then
126
if it fails you don't have to face the humiliation of
127
the rejection you can end up just saying like well I wasn't even trying anyways
128
but as I've gotten older I've realized it is a very
129
miserable way to live your life like yes without a doubt
130
in dating it does work temporarily the guy may find you more interesting
131
and elusive and confusing and distant so it makes him want you more
132
because the chase is so fun who doesn't love the fucking chase
133
but then in the end you just played a game pretending to be something
134
that you're not all to win the guy that now doesn't even really know who you are and then to some degree,
135
you have to keep up this facade that is by no means enjoyable or fulfilling.
136
And I, listen, I have always, always said when it comes to dating, it is so important that you know your audience and you know what your end goal is.
137
If I was watching this podcast and I was in college, I would be like, all I'm taking from this, Alex, is like, play the game, ignore him, make him want me,
138
because that is so applicable and relatable to your life in
139
that moment and like
140
if you were just trying to get your friends invited by
141
the hot athlete to the party oh my god without a doubt honey you should act away you should be
142
so cool you should
143
so act like you don't care get in there it definitely works every time
144
but I do think it's important to know
145
because I do think as the daddy gang we are all you know evolving
146
and we're growing and I have some daddy gang
147
that are older with me okay it's not all just high school and college people watching this even though
148
I know you're here.
149
So that's why I'm also saying like, girl, if you want to get invited to the party, oh, leave him on red, then text him back the next day.
150
Like make it so confusing for sure.
151
But it is a very temporary solve.
152
And when you are at a young point in your life, a temporary solve is the perfect solve because nothing really is actually, you want it to last.
153
Like I don't actually fucking like the frat boy, but I want to go to Kifi tonight.
154
Like, hello.
155
And so this temporary solve I just think you need to be like aware of
156
because eventually you do need to live your life
157
and most of us care about our life and our happiness obviously
158
and the short -term wins depending where you're at in your life
159
and the circumstances when it does become all -encompassing
160
and it becomes a part of your life in this like really major way that's in my opinion
161
when you actually start to lose because then you are just being disingenuous to a degree that is beyond sound unfulfilling.
162
I feel like my college self would like slap me in the face right now.
163
I'm like, shut up.
164
I don't want to hear that.
165
So fair, Alex, keep doing what you're doing.
166
Lock in those extensions, put the self -tanner on, put the fake eyelashes on and do your fucking thing, girl.
167
But I'm just at a different place in my life, right?
168
So that is not as applicable to me anymore.
169
Me being cool and elusive and like doing all that, it doesn't, it's not helping me at all.
170
I'm just getting, I would just get annoyed and be like, why, why am I doing this?
171
Like, I don't need to go to Chi -Fi tonight.
172
I don't want to go hook up with the frat bro.
173
Like, huh?
174
Like he's my husband and I want him to understand what I'm directly fucking saying to him.
175
So it's circumstantial.
176
Also, let's say you are that person who actually does just have things fall in their lap.
177
Like you win the game, you get the guy, you get the job
178
and you don't really have to lift a finger for certain things in your life, totally great to some degree.
179
But what skills did you build?
180
What resilience do you have?
181
To some capacity, someone could argue nothing, zero.
182
The person who tries, who sometimes fails, who gets their heart broken, who burns the dinner, who has to rewrite the resume five times,
183
that person is inevitably building character.
184
And I'm not saying again, if you are someone where like something comes easy to you, like bitch, just let it go.
185
But if everything in life is just like, I didn't really try to just have a sense of like,
186
okay, that's, well, that's also no fucking fun, right?
187
I don't know.
188
I think when you focus entirely on making the outcome look effortless, because most of the time it is, you are essentially completely bypassing the actual point of life,
189
which is the messy, uncomfortable, beautiful process of learning and growing.
190
And so I think we need to stop glamorizing these people online
191
and in life who are pretending it was just so easy and great if it actually was for them, but life isn't easy.
192
So maybe the one thing that they're showing online, maybe it was actually easy for them, but you aren't seeing the other 10 things that they really struggled with.
193
And I think it's important to talk about the psychological toll of all of this shit,
194
because it is one thing to look at an effortless video and think, okay, that is objectively fake.
195
It's a whole other thing.
196
When you are lying in bed at 11 p .m., you are scrolling and you see someone launching a business
197
or meal prepping for the entire month or doing a 5 a .m workout routine and they look flawless, not a drop of sweat,
198
no eye bags, just pure productivity.
199
What does that do to our brains?
200
It makes us feel like absolute fucking garbage.
201
We look at them and we think, wait, why am I struggling so hard just to just do the bare minimum?
202
You feel like a failure because your real life has friction.
203
Your house is messy when you cook.
204
You look like a drowned rat after you worked out.
205
You actually have to cry sometimes
206
when you are stressed about your career you're not just girl bossing
207
so fucking close to the sun 24 7 and so
208
when other people make productivity look easy not just you know possible
209
but legit like easy work it weaponizes their success against your
210
self -esteem it makes you feel like you missed the memo
211
on how to be a human being who can just do it all
212
and then some little sprinkle boom and so inevitably we start thinking that because it's hard for us,
213
we must be doing something wrong or we're just lazy pieces of shit.
214
Why can't I get it together?
215
How are they doing that?
216
And I'll tell you why.
217
Because you were at work all day and you had a hard day
218
and then you came home or you were at home working hard all day
219
and then work stopped and work could have been being a mother or work could have been a full -time job.
220
And then you had to feed yourself or you had to feed your family.
221
And the last thing you want to do is cook an aesthetic meal.
222
You just want something to literally feed your body and your hunger.
223
You don't have time to put on the aesthetic cute workout outfit.
224
Okay.
225
You're throwing on your ripped college old t -shirt
226
and some shorts with a couple holes in them
227
and you are just proud that you made it to the goddamn gym
228
and a lot of times maybe you're not making it to the gym
229
because of the real day you had the emphasis on the real day
230
and yeah it needs to end with maybe decompression on the couch
231
and not the perfect meal and the workout and the matching fucking set
232
that goes with it you want to eat your snacks you want to watch your favorite TV show
233
and you want to black out the hard day that you just had.
234
That is closer to real life than almost anything.
235
I also think, and I don't know, this could be a stretch,
236
but I do think that this topic kind of ties into the mythical exhausting archetype of the cool girl.
237
The cool girl is just like the ultimate embodiment of effortlessness, right?
238
She's hot, but she obviously doesn't try that hard to wear too much makeup.
239
She's successful, but she never talks about working.
240
And if she does like, Oh, it just happened easily.
241
And by making it all look so effortless, she's never been busier.
242
She is grinding it out.
243
And again, like cool, great, but please can we not forget how much effort is going into the effortless image we are all consuming?
244
Guys, I'm telling you, it was a really productive drive.
245
Like I was like boom because I was like I need to hear this
246
so then I was like I think the daddy gang needs to hear this
247
so here's my opinion because now it's like okay wait so what do we do my opinion
248
what is actually cool what is genuinely attractive is trying
249
and is evolving and that can be so messy and unsexy
250
and unglamorous and really hard and really exhausting but it is
251
so much cooler to meet someone who says yeah I am trying this new thing
252
and honestly I kind of suck at it right now or like it's really hard and I'm working through it, but I'm figuring it out.
253
That takes a secure ego.
254
That is someone I personally wanna follow and learn from and be friends with.
255
And so the next time you see someone making life look
256
so effortless and you start to feel that wave of shame
257
that we feel every time we open our phones and we see the perfect aesthetic and all the 10 -step program, I want you to actually just flip the script.
258
Just remind yourself that you are living in the real world you are doing the heavy lifting, you are experiencing trial and error,
259
and you are actually changing and growing.
260
You are not living to quickly capture something on your phone for everyone else to give you validation over.
261
How do you feel about yourself?
262
If you were never able to open the internet again, if you were never able to post a video again, how would you feel about yourself?
263
Do you feel good?
264
Are you happy with your life?
265
That's all that fucking matters so I also think keeping in mind and maybe this is just like me getting older
266
grandma Cooper coming through but this is not the shit
267
that at 80 years old we are going to be showing our grandchildren
268
or our friends and our families like guys look at this picture I took
269
and like look how aesthetic my shoes were in this photo
270
and it so gave cool girl oh my god look at
271
that no it will be the stories about life and living
272
and failing and the struggles you overcame
273
when you think about the things you are proudest of achieving in your life
274
so far did they come from an effortless moment
275
or did they come from a time where you worked your fucking ass off
276
or you survived something really hard and now you get to look back
277
and be so proud of yourself for all of the hard work you put in
278
because you tried and you care and that That is the least embarrassing thing, I truly think.
279
You own it.
280
Be proud of it.
281
Be proud of who you are for putting yourself out there.
282
Be proud of your life.
283
That is fucking cool.
284
And I think that makes you way more fucking interesting.
285
So again, this isn't to like just shit on the internet, but it is to put in perspective for ourselves of like what we are consuming
286
is potentially causing us more anxiety and more harm than good
287
and you need to be able to differentiate your real life from just like something
288
that you think maybe scrolling is gonna alleviate your stress from the day
289
and it's actually only gonna make you so much more stressed.
290
And so I think that we have to force ourselves to wake up because like I said, when we're 80, we're gonna look back and be like, fuck, I spent so much fucking time on that thing.
291
I'm like, what?
292
And so to make sure we're curating our pages of like people we actually feel like we get uplifted from and, and storytellers and, and creators,
293
if again, I get it, we're not going to just fucking throw our phones into the ocean.
294
And if you are that person, babe, honestly, so much power to you,
295
but there is a line that I think we can start to straddle between being
296
so more aware of like calling it what the fuck it is social media
297
and all of it creates addiction most of us are living and breathing with an addiction
298
and it is not our fault this has been a these are billion trillion dollar companies
299
and in an industry that is profiting off of this and
300
so I think when you then when you zoom in to your life
301
and you're sitting at home and you're miserable after work and you're just feeling like, fuck, my day was so hard.
302
My boss was an asshole.
303
I like, I'm not making the amount that I want at my job
304
or my coworkers are being assholes or am I at the right position?
305
And oh, by the way, I have to now go deal with my family this weekend.
306
And I'm so stressed about that.
307
We feel, and I do believe in the beginning days of social media, this was the truth.
308
We feel like the internet will actually bring us reprieve
309
and it will cause us to feel so much relief because it will take us out of our day -to -day, just like sometimes we feel when we watch a movie or we read a book,
310
but that is so different.
311
It is endless, it is comparison, and you are watching essentially a version of your life just looking 10 times fucking better because of the curation,
312
because of the people behind these machines.
313
And so we have to try to remember that.
314
And that's, I don't know.
315
I know this is such a heavy, frustrating topic because then it feels like, and then we're going to get in bed tonight and we're just going to keep scrolling.
316
But I do think if you are someone who is struggling with your mental health, if you are struggling with comparison, if you are struggling with jealousy, if you are struggling with self -worth,
317
if you are struggling with not feeling great about where you're at in your career, your personal life, your financial life, any of it, the internet is only going to make you feel worse about it.
318
And so you really need to try to find a will and a way to disengage to some degree.
319
Like I will say, so I deleted TikTok off of my phone for almost a month
320
and I re -uploaded it because I wanted to post these two videos that I was posting on Instagram.
321
I wanted to post them there for work
322
and I posted them for work and then I went to my for you page
323
and I was like I can handle this like I'm just gonna I'm just gonna
324
and then 30 minutes goes by
325
and I was like no no no I can't handle this
326
and I'm telling you guys my dopamine levels like I just
327
I was immediately more triggered in a bad mood things I
328
was seeing I was just like oh like I don't like this I don't like the way I'm feeling
329
and there was such a happiness I realized I had been feeling from not engaging in
330
that world and I will say even TikTok versus Instagram, like for me, like TikTok, I feel like started as this really positive app.
331
And now it's just like all these, like really, um, like the comment sections are so hateful.
332
I'll see a girl making a video about food.
333
And I'm like, really guys, I'm like trying to fucking cook.
334
Okay.
335
I like, I don't want to talk about it, but I'm like trying to cook and I've been trying to cook and I'm like getting into these so many recipes.
336
I saw this woman who made this like dumpling thing.
337
Oh my God, you guys, it looks so good.
338
It's like, it's like an easier way to make dumplings.
339
And I fucking love dumplings.
340
Then I go to the comment section and I'm appalled.
341
People are commenting on her shirt and her hair and her outfit
342
and telling her that she's a fucking hypocrite because the last time
343
that she had said that she didn't really like using soy sauce and she was more of a whatever sauce.
344
And I'm like, oh my God, I need to get out of here.
345
I literally need to get off the internet.
346
Like I'm so scared.
347
I'm so scared by these comment sections.
348
It's so terrifying out there seeing this poor girl trying to make dumplings.
349
And then all of a sudden she's getting crucified
350
because like people are saying her hair looks electrocuted and they're saying that she is like, what?
351
And I was like, I need to delete the app again.
352
And so I was like, I'm just going to re -upload it every time I want to upload a video
353
and then I'm removing it from my phone.
354
And I have been reading, I've been rereading Throne of glass oh my god there's
355
so many books in the series which also like pro tip
356
but like if you're really trying to get off of social media find a series
357
because that I'm just like in my series right now I'm loving it there's
358
so many books in that series
359
and I am like a kid in a candy store every
360
night I get in bed I don't scroll on social media
361
and I'm just reading and I'm not saying that But I'm, you know.
362
100 % healed from all of the addiction that I too have in my veins,
363
but I am trying to actively, I said this to my therapist, like I would consider myself a smart person.
364
And so shame on me if I have a situation in front of me
365
that is essentially my own version of a study.
366
When I am on TikTok and I am scrolling for longer than a minute,
367
my mental health is not as positive as it was before I opened the app.
368
That is a fact.
369
When I spend more than a minute to an hour reading books,
370
my mental health is five times better because I feel inspired
371
and I feel intellectually stimulated and I feel like I'm in this brilliant world building
372
that this author created for me and I'm vocabulary wise expanding my palate, like all of this.
373
And so I would be an idiot then, right?
374
If I then chose at night to pick up my phone
375
and do the thing that makes me feel like shit rather than going for the book, right?
376
So why is it so fucking hard?
377
Why is it so hard then?
378
Because it's not just the phone.
379
It is the social pressure that we feel.
380
It is so hard to feel like you are not in it it's
381
so hard to feel like also you want it you have
382
to put way more fucking effort into reading you you can be
383
so brain dead when you are scrolling on social media
384
but somehow you're brain dead so you're getting nothing out of it
385
and although we say like no I got some for sure I've learned like a couple things off social media
386
but the negative outweighs the positives right and
387
so it's like how are we going to force ourselves to only engage with things
388
that make us happy damn it's a cruel world out there
389
daddy gang call her daddy is brought to you by shopify so
390
when i am doing some damage uh for online shopping there
391
is nothing i love more than going to check out we can all see it now
392
and seeing that little purple shop pay button
393
oh my god it makes me
394
so happy all of my fellow shopping addicts you know you see it you click it
395
and suddenly all of your information automatically filled in boom we're
396
there you don't have to worry about anything you don't have
397
to contemplate anything you're just like check out do i need this nope i don't even want to think about
398
that boom press shop shopify's pay button is not only such a game changer for customers
399
but for business owners as well daddy gang
400
if you are a business owner because listen to me it streamlines everything into one click for checkout.
401
People are way less likely to abandon their carts halfway through.
402
I can personally attest, okay?
403
Your girl will be shopping, okay?
404
There's less friction, more completed orders, happier customers.
405
It just makes everything run smoother.
406
And honestly, when you're building a business, those little details really, really matter.
407
Shopify lets you move faster, reach more people, and operate like a real business from day one.
408
That's why when I started to sell merch using Shopify, it was a no -brainer for me.
409
One of my favorite parts of the shop app lets you track your order in real time.
410
Girl, I'm refreshing the thing 24 -7, okay?
411
Daddy gang, if you ordered a sweat set and you're refreshing your email every six seconds, you can literally just watch it make its way to you.
412
It is a win -win -win.
413
It's all good for the customer and for the business.
414
So build your store, own your audience, and create something that lasts.
415
Start now at shopify .com slash daddy.
416
In the spirit of, I don't even know, let's answer some questions.
417
So there has been so much conversation in my DMs recently, and I didn't even know where to start today.
418
So we're going to go all over the place.
419
Okay.
420
First question.
421
I'm in my thirties and still going through dating.
422
At this point, a lot of the dating pool is either divorced or divorced with kids.
423
I found a really great guy, I think, but I never pictured myself dating someone with kids and trying to keep an open mind.
424
Advice.
425
Okay.
426
I love this question because I think that as we continue to progress in our life,
427
we have these genuine ideas of what we think we're going to end up with, right?
428
We have these people in our heads from a young age sometimes of like, this is my guy or this is my girl and this is what they're going to be like.
429
And then life happens and you maybe don't get the job you thought or your life changes and all this.
430
And there's so much that ends up not going the way that you planned.
431
And then all of a sudden you're like.
432
should I just try so hard to force what I thought I wanted when I was younger?
433
Or should I look at my life at where it is now and accept it and embrace it and enjoy it?
434
And I think for you, it's like, if you are finding that all these men that you end up going out with are divorced, like amazing and, and who cares?
435
Right.
436
And so I think there's like a, there's a stigma, right.
437
And maybe that means though, that this person is, couldn't be more open and knows exactly what they want.
438
And especially if they have kids, listen, I completely understand there are going to be some people where they're like, it just wouldn't be for me.
439
I wouldn't want to be a stepmother.
440
I do think that it seems like you are open to dipping your toes in.
441
And I think as long as you're open with the person that you're dating and you say, listen, I have never dated someone or it's been very few that I've dated that have a kid.
442
And I have to be really upfront.
443
Like I need to just see how this progresses and goes as I'm sure you also need to, I know you're not going to just, you know, introduce me to your child immediately,
444
but I want to, I want to be respectful to the dynamic and be upfront and honest that like, I don't know how I fully feel yet, but I want to explore this,
445
but I want to put that on the table immediately.
446
I think people have so much respect when you're just like upfront from the very beginning, because then you never hit anything.
447
You were never dishonest and you were never misleading.
448
So get after it, girl.
449
okay please ensure this is anonymous babe i got you um i don't know what to do i'm in college
450
and i have four roommates and three of them are in long -term healthy relationships
451
and the other one is constantly in
452
and out of situationships i am the only one who is chronically single
453
and they never want to go out or do anything fun and
454
if they do they always bring their boyfriend i just want
455
my friends back what do i do okay i have to say instead of being like i just want my friends back, what do I do?
456
I think you have to, number one, accept your friends for where they are at in their life.
457
We're not mad that they have boyfriends, right?
458
But we are frustrated that it has disrupted the dynamic that you are used to with your friends.
459
Totally understandable.
460
What I would say to you though is I feel like sometimes
461
when we are the one single friend in a group dynamic where all of our friends are in relationships,
462
we convince ourselves like we are the ones who are lacking
463
or there's something wrong with us and it's like just
464
because you're single that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you
465
if anything you could argue you're not settling you're not going
466
to put up with the bare minimum you are someone who
467
is like you know what I mean like don't I not
468
that you're saying that but I just want you to remind yourself of
469
that so what I would say is almost similar to date nights that all of your friends and relationships are doing,
470
you need to be doing single nights for yourself with other single women.
471
Your schedule is just as important and valuable as your friend's schedule with their romantic partners.
472
The single friend should not be looked at as someone who is like, oh, well, your life is less complicated.
473
And so therefore you should bend and, you know, to our rules and to our schedules.
474
Absolutely not.
475
You are a human being who has needs and who has wants and who has a life.
476
And so you need to treat yourself just the same.
477
Like when they have date nights and you're like rolling your eyes, it's like, no, no, no. Say they always do date nights on Thursdays. Who knows?
478
That's your single night.
479
Or it doesn't need to be on Thursdays.
480
It could be wherever you want.
481
But like pour into yourself and realize that your time is as precious as theirs.
482
So we need to get you some single friends.
483
And I think then it will make you less frustrated by the obvious shift
484
and the kind of like hole that you're feeling with your non -single friends.
485
Because if you were like out vibing, dancing all night, you had some drinks, you met up with people, you and your single friends had a crazy night.
486
Then when the next night, everyone's cuddled up with their boo and you're like fucking hungover or whatever, you're like so happy to be at peace.
487
You're like, hey Brad, can you grab, oh yeah, grab me some popcorn, yeah.
488
You're like literally in between all the couples and you couldn't be happier
489
because you're like great I can have literally like my my
490
big pants on my cozies I'm watching the movie with everyone
491
and I don't want any of the men
492
that I was just with last night to be here it's my night off if anything
493
when you're hanging out with them you're like oh this is
494
mama's night off babe that's how I think you need to think about it okay this is a great question
495
and this I think was very um relatable a lot of
496
people wrote into me just about struggling with the dynamic after college, moving home.
497
So let's get into it.
498
Someone wrote in and said, I am trying to decide
499
if I want to move back home with my grandma to save money to study in London next year.
500
I'm 26 and have lived alone for a long time.
501
And I feel like it's embarrassing to move in with my family, although it's for a greater purpose.
502
Should I do it?
503
Absolutely.
504
And here's what I will say.
505
Sacrifice is not embarrassing and having a goal is not embarrassing.
506
This is a temporary situation that fits into a plan that you have for yourself that is prioritizing yourself.
507
And so, yes, it's a sacrifice, but it is for the greater good of a goal that you want for yourself.
508
And sometimes the plan includes things that are not going to be as glamorous
509
and that is OK the fact that you will then get to be in London
510
and you're going to put yourself in the position to go to London
511
and to study and to experience a new culture and meet new people.
512
Imagine how incredible when you go out to dinner with new friends
513
or you're on a date and you get to say like, I sacrificed for a year so I could come here and experience this.
514
How much sweeter is that going to taste?
515
So I understand, listen, the feeling of moving in
516
and back with your parents girl I like I hear you I am
517
so there I get it we are all going to feel
518
insecure we're going to be like oh my god I'm living with family right now
519
but you have your plan and that's all that matters
520
and you don't have to convince people of your plan like anyone listening that's
521
so frustrated because maybe you're not where you're at in life right now
522
and it does pertain to you living at home and you're saving and you're trying and you understandably, it fucking sucks.
523
It fucking sucks if you're going on a date and you're like, I live with my parents.
524
I so hear you, but I also want you to give yourself more grace to just realize like you are someone who is resilient
525
and you are working your ass off to have a great life for yourself.
526
And that is going to be the situation sometimes.
527
And so be easier on yourself.
528
Um, yeah, I think girl, you're going to London, but first you're going to grandma's house and that's okay.
529
Call her daddy is brought to you by Uber.
530
Daddy gang, we have all been there before.
531
It is 2 AM.
532
We have been out with the girls, right?
533
You're having the best time.
534
Maybe you stayed one drink longer than you planned.
535
Now it is time to go home.
536
You are standing outside.
537
You're waiting for your ride
538
and all All you want to do is get in the car and just relax for a second.
539
Take the heels off, right?
540
Thankfully, Uber just launched a feature to help make that feel a little easier.
541
Uber's women preferences lets women riders request a woman driver.
542
Yes.
543
All you have to do is go on the Uber app and type in an address, scroll down to the women's preferences option,
544
and request the ride like you normally would.
545
It's super easy.
546
And I love that it gives women more choices and more control over their rides because look, sometimes you just want that extra peace of mind that comes from having a woman driver.
547
It is just a fact.
548
Whether you're heading home after a night out or just exploring a new neighborhood, catching an early airplane ride,
549
it's about doing what feels best for you.
550
I travel so much for work, so I'm excited to try this new feature whenever Matt can't join me on the trip
551
and I'm in a new city by myself or going to the airport, the little things that make travel and getting around just feel easier really do go such a long way.
552
So daddy gang, if you haven't used it yet, Uber's new women preferences feature is available now in the Uber app.
553
Learn more on the Uber app.
554
This episode is brought to you by Polly Market.
555
So everyone has that one friend, that one friend that's like they knew the couple was going
556
to break up they called the surprise album drop they somehow
557
knew who was getting cast on the reality show before the announcement even happened like we all have
558
that friend right
559
and every time you ask them how they knew they're like
560
I don't know I just guys like I just had a
561
feeling well let me tell you something daddy gang lately I have been getting my feelings from Polymarket.
562
Okay.
563
Polymarket, my God, how I love it.
564
Okay.
565
It is the world's largest prediction market, basically a place where you can trade on what's actually going to happen across pop culture,
566
entertainment, sports, relationships, and more.
567
Everything in our life, girls, is on Polymarket.
568
So instead of just sending these hot takes in your group chat, you can actually trade on them and see what other people think is going to happen before it does.
569
And the market moves fast because when people actually have something on the line, they pay closer attention.
570
For example, hi, Love Island.
571
So it could be who's winning Love Island, whether Kylie and Timothy are getting engaged this year.
572
What do you guys think?
573
We'll go to Polymarket.
574
When is Taylor Swift going to drop another album?
575
Do you have any ideas?
576
Go to Polymarket.
577
Who's going to take home the Oscar that year?
578
Go to Polymarket.
579
Do you see what I'm saying it gives you real clear
580
idea of what's going to happen before it becomes the obvious take all over the internet.
581
even if you're not trading for me personally i always tell my friends like just it's
582
so fun to be on it
583
and it's a great way to keep up with culture
584
and to see what people are thinking
585
and starting conversation it just starts a lot of conversations as well
586
so daddy gang if you're the friend who's always calling things early this is basically built for you
587
so download polymarket Get P -O -L -Y -M -A -R -K -E -T now available in the United States
588
and free to sign up.
589
New entertainment and culture markets are coming to the app every day.
590
So be the first to trade on them using code DADDY50, D -A -D -D -Y,
591
50, to get $50 when you deposit your first 20. Have fun.
592
Love you guys.
593
someone said my fiance will not sit down
594
and talk to me about future finances what do I do he keeps saying quote we'll figure it out
595
but will not sit down and discuss with me I have tried
596
so many times girl okay some people may not like this
597
but this is my personal advice you need to go to
598
your fiance you need to put the ring take it off of your finger
599
and you need to put it down on the table
600
and you need to say i cannot with good conscience no
601
matter how much i love you no matter how much i want to move forward
602
and get married and i love our relationship i cannot get married
603
if we do not have an adult mature conversation about our finances i can't i can't get married
604
if you can't have that one conversation with me
605
and i have tried multiple times to do this I have been denied every single time I have tried to do this.
606
And if you can't do that for me, I don't understand how we have a future here
607
because life is going to be about a lot of uncomfortable situations and a lot of uncomfortable conversations in a marriage.
608
And if you can't meet me here and you can't sit down and have a face -to -face, eye contact, honest conversation, then what foundation have we built?
609
I just am so, I don't know like I get so protective, especially for women when it comes to finances,
610
like it freaks me out because you're not being dramatic.
611
If someone is actively avoiding having a conversation with you in a relationship, that is your business.
612
You are trying to plan for your life.
613
You cannot let this person essentially gaslight you into thinking that like, oh, you know, we'll figure it out.
614
Lori Cooper my mother always said this to me
615
and I hope people can hear this
616
and honestly know it's only coming from a loving place
617
when I say and when she says something
618
that bothers you in your relationship will only get 10 times worse
619
when you get married if you think that dating oh well
620
when we get married he won't do that
621
or no no no he'll do it
622
and it will only get worse unless you are actively working
623
to solve something unless you are actively in couples therapy together
624
or there is an honest earnest effort from him other than
625
that like this is gonna be your life girl and
626
so you need to hold strong in we ain't moving forward until I get some answers
627
and if you're not comfortable with that then I'm not comfortable with this
628
don't let that bitch gaslight you okay this was a topic
629
that sadly was very common so I want to touch on this.
630
Someone wrote in and said, Hi, Daddy.
631
I am currently on the phone with one of my friends
632
discussing how to go about an intervention with one of our friends over drinking because she has become a full blown alcoholic.
633
We're in our 20s and love going out and having fun, but it has gotten so out of hand
634
and she is now drinking every day around the clock by herself and hiding alcohol in her closet, even though she lives alone.
635
Anyways, we've tried to talked to her about it before, but it turns into a giant fight every single time.
636
And we don't know what else to do.
637
We love her so much, but we genuinely are so worried that she was going to drink herself to death.
638
Any advice would be amazing.
639
Oh, that is so hard.
640
And I'm really sorry because I just feel like there's something
641
so hard about addressing alcoholism when you are at
642
that young age in your life when you are in your teens
643
or your 20s even your 30s where like I don't know I feel like you hear alcoholics
644
and it's like the dad or the this
645
and like addressing it in your early 20s it just feels like no they don't have a problem
646
and so the fact
647
that enough friends around this person are like we are scared for this person's life
648
that is so serious but also recognizing fuck being a friend is so hard
649
because you're like you can't force this person to do anything you can't force this person to get help
650
and i think what's so hard about addicts is you don't want to completely abandon them.
651
And, and I know the frustration when it's like, we've tried and we've tried and we've tried and they don't take your help.
652
And sometimes it's like just being there and trying and trying
653
and trying is what is actually going to save the person's life, even as exhausting it is.
654
And I'm not saying it is your responsibility.
655
Like it's such a hard, complicated situation.
656
And I obviously don't have all the details, but I would say my advice is I think because you're in a friend group, it probably is really, really tough of like,
657
let's say it was after night out
658
and you guys then go to her like there is an
659
element of ganging up on even though you're not doing it
660
intentionally this is such a wound this person clearly cannot see
661
and is not able to identify right now I think
662
that sometimes weirdly in these situations maybe writing a letter would be the most effective to start it
663
and writing a really heartfelt letter maybe from all of you
664
maybe from one of you again you know your friend better
665
I don't know you would have to kind of assess the situation
666
but I do think you can set a boundary
667
and this is where it obviously gets
668
so complicated with addicts where it's like you don't want to leave this person you don't want to abandon them
669
and also you deserve to live your life you're clearly in
670
your early 20s you guys are having fun you're going out
671
and I can only imagine as someone who has experienced someone in my early twenties who was around me with extreme addiction,
672
it was, I don't even know the word.
673
Like it was one of the hardest things
674
that I have ever experienced in my life because you don't know what to do.
675
And when you are that young, you shouldn't know what to do.
676
You're in a position right now where it's like, what the, like what you're seeing things probably
677
when you're out with this person and so I think you could eventually say
678
and it feels like it probably has gotten to this point the way
679
that you're writing in
680
that I'm reading it's like you guys have had interventions before I don't think you're far off from saying listen
681
we are in pain watching you be in pain it is hurting us to watch you hurt yourself and
682
And we can't keep doing this cycle.
683
And so we want to spend time with you.
684
We love you as a friend.
685
We would love to continue to like hang out, but we want to do it in a way that doesn't involve alcohol.
686
We would love to do, whether we do workout classes in the morning or we go for brunch
687
or we go shopping or we go to the park or we all go on walks.
688
Like we want to try to be there with you, but we can't keep doing it when alcohol is involved
689
and we love you and and we're sorry it has gotten to this point
690
but like we can't keep we can't keep doing this oh man i'll end on
691
that one that's i just feel like it's so hard
692
and i guess that's what life is right it's like everyone is coming from their own situation
693
and their perspective and and i feel for her
694
and i feel for you and that fucking sucks
695
because there's never kind of a right answer when it comes to
696
that stuff so I mean I've had a lot of people I feel like write in recently about alcoholism
697
and and even if it's your partner right like how to handle
698
and a lot of people understandably have such a like I
699
just said a hard time naming it right with alcohol it's one thing with drugs I think drugs it is
700
so much easier to be like oh you're an addict you're using
701
but with alcohol because it is so social and it's a part of culture to a capacity, depending on where you live and who you're friends with,
702
it's so much harder to call it what it is.
703
And it is an alcohol problem.
704
Most of the time, if you are going out with someone, if you're going out with your partner, if you're going out with your friend and it constantly turns into they over drink,
705
they have an alcohol problem.
706
If they are constantly ruining nights because they cannot control themselves, they have an alcohol problem.
707
If you are, like you just said, catching this person drinking alone.
708
That is an alcohol problem.
709
And so it then does start to seep into everyone's lives that is associating with this person.
710
And that is when relationships get ruined.
711
And so to live under the same roof, whether it's a partner or something, there are steps you can take and you can be there for someone.
712
But then at some point, being there for someone also does change from being there trying trying trying to being there from a distance
713
and being supportive but also being supportive of yourself
714
and your own mental health and recognizing
715
that sometimes no matter what you do it is not going to help
716
that person like what the fuck is the thing you can bring the horse to water
717
but you can't force the horse to then drink the water they've got to do
718
that on their own so oh I didn't mean to end with a negative but I've got a,
719
I've got a large Sunday girls.
720
Okay.
721
I got a lot to do today.
722
just like a lot of like chores and I've got, I'm going to do laundry.
723
I got to go get, run some errands.
724
Got to go shopping.
725
I got to take my dogs on a walk.
726
I got to feed this baby.
727
Yeah, there's a lot to do.
728
There's a lot to do and there's a lot to do for all of us.
729
So daddy gang, I love you guys so much.
730
I hope that was an enjoyable Sunday session and you know,
731
more car thanks brought to sunday sessions here for you got you um i love you guys
732
so much and i will see you fuckers on wednesday goodbye
📺 Same Channel
✨ Recommend Video
B21
231 sentences
Jimmy O. Yang is now a Sugar Baby | Guess How Much
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2199 sentences
Maintaining in May ☺︎ cooking, little chaos, family time and very tall boots
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B11
732 sentences
Doing It Alone: Huda Mustafa on Single Motherhood, Fame, and Why You Get to Come First Too
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2260 sentences
24k
TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B11238 sentences
American Housewife Season 1
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
180 sentences
work-life diaries | my last week at work as a data scientist
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
77 sentences
Classic Movie Scenes: CALL ME BY YOUR NAME (2017) // Dad's // Script-to-Screen
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
423 sentences
Romanticize your life
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B11
35 sentences
June Favs 🍒 (Music, Movies, Clothes)
TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B11
669 sentences
EP 37 - CHEATING OR NOT CHEATING IS BACK! (STIMULATED)
TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B21
247 sentences
Addison Rae Talks Pet Peeves and Loving ‘The Girls Next Door’ | W Magazine
TeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B11
357 sentences
PREGNANT WAITRESS Gets SHOCKING TIP! **emotional** | Dhar Mann
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 732 sentences and 9339 words to shadow. The speech runs for 50:49. The speaker talks fast, about 184 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 86% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| daddy noun | /ˈdædi/ | Also used as a term of address: a father; one's father. |
| outfit noun | /ˈaʊtfɪt/ | A set of clothing (with accessories). |
| meal noun | /ˈmiːl/ | Food that is prepared and eaten, usually at a specific time, and usually in a comparatively large quantity. |
| pants noun | /pænts/ | An outer garment that covers the body from the waist downwards, covering each leg separately, usually as far as the ankles; trousers. |
| essentially adverb | /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/ | In essence: by nature. |
| solve verb | /sɒlv/ | To find an answer or solution to a problem or question; to work out. |
| suck verb | /sʌk/ | To use the mouth and lips to pull in (a liquid, especially milk from the breast). |
| boom verb | /bum/ | To make a loud, hollow, resonant sound. |
| topic noun | /ˈtɑpɪk/ | A subject; a theme; a category or general area of interest. |
| temporary adjective | /ˈtɛmp(əˌɹ)ɛɹi/ | Not permanent; existing only for a period or periods of time. |
| dynamic adjective | /daɪˈnæm.ɪk/ | Changing; active; in motion. |
| actively adverb | /ˈæktɪvli/ | In an active manner. |
| cherry noun | /ˈt͡ʃɛɹi/ | A small fruit, usually red, black or yellow, with a smooth hard seed and a short hard stem. |
| addiction noun | /əˈdɪkˌʃən/ | A state that is characterized by compulsive drug use or compulsive engagement in rewarding behavior, despite negative consequences. |
| aesthetic adjective | /ɛsˈθɛ.tɪk/ | Concerned with beauty, artistic effect, or appearance. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| end up verb | To bring to a conclusion. |
| sit down verb | To assume a sitting position from a standing position. |
| go out verb | To leave, especially a building. |
| check out verb | To record the departure or withdrawal of someone or something (such as guests, employees, books, etc.). |
| look back verb | To think of (past events) in retrospect (in hindsight). |
| move forward verb | To cause to make progress. |
| break up verb | To break or separate into pieces. |
| come through verb | To come into a room or other space through a door or passageway. |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 287 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, don't, I'm. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: aesthetic /ɛsˈθɛ.tɪk/, thick /θɪk/, smooth /smuːð/, breathe /bɹiːð/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, addiction /əˈdɪkˌʃən/, friction /ˈfɹɪkʃən/, refresh /ɹɪˈfɹɛʃ/, capture /ˈkæp.(t)ʃɚ/
- Long words — get the stress right: essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, temporary /ˈtɛmp(əˌɹ)ɛɹi/, complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, psychological /ˌsaɪ.kəˈlɑː.d͡ʒɪ.kl̩/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like daddy, outfit, meal.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | have been being · I've been trying · have been reading |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | has allowed · have carried · we've also carried |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | is allowed · is brought · be savored |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | person who studied · person who bragged · person who actually |
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.