Shadowing Practice: Why You Feel Lost When Your Life Is Actually Fine - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Today we have to talk about when nothing in your life is technically wrong, but you feel lost.
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You feel like something is shifting.
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So I think that you probably can't even make any sense of at this stage.
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Look, many of you know that I have been going through a major, major life transition in the last three years.
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And frankly, it has felt a bit like a midlife crisis, even though I'm only 40, I know, but one can still have a midlife crisis, believe it or not.
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I've decided to report live from this at times very miserable place to be in
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and a lot of the things that I'm experiencing are very fresh
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so I'm doing some content about it I'm calling it the starting over series I've already made a few videos
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so go check them out afterwards if you haven't
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but so today I want to talk to you about this very strange initial stage
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that happens before perhaps a midlife crisis emerge
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or a life transition emerge you know the phase
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when we are starting to feel something shift inside us
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and we're like what is this like why is this even
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happening i mean i don't even understand what this is about
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because my life is great i don't have any problems
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or i don't have any serious things like why would i start feeling different about my life
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when it's when it's working perfectly fine but
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so i want to talk to you about about
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that first initial horrible stage
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because ladies i was actually stuck in mine for a long period of time
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because i had no idea what was happening i wish i
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had this video then now look we're also going to be talking about
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when is it just a phase and when is it a major life change emerging within you
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or need for a life change like we're going to talk about
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that as well but before i want to really go into like the first initial things
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that are going to happen to you in case they're already happening
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and you're like what is this you know i want to
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be why am i like this i don't want to be
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like this you know i want to be normal don't worry
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that's perfectly normal in the situation to think one thing
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that i want you to know is that oftentimes before these big life changes
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or life shifts happen you are going to experience usually an internal shift before meaning
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that you're not going to have like a major breakdown happen one day
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and so that's why you start thinking about your life i mean it may happen
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but usually it starts very quietly and subtly inside yourself okay
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so you might not just one day wake up
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and you want to burn down your life you might not
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one day be like oh i'm having a major crisis this
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is it you know how it oftentimes feel for many people is
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that initially they just are feeling like something is a little bit off okay not
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because something has happened not because there is a crisis
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or a sudden urge remember just some different feelings maybe some different thoughts unusual thoughts you're having um
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and i think in the beginning a lot of people spend
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a lot of time just trying to make sense of what
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this shift is about like what these thoughts are about like what why am i having these emotions
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and and how come i'm feeling like this now one thing i want you to know is
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that a lot of people they of course they they enter some form of big life transition
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or even midlife crisis or whatever right because of some external event
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that kind of triggers it all and acts like a catalyst
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and that usually is actually a little bit easier almost even
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if it can be incredibly painful
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because you're not in control over these over this change it has been forced upon you
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that change but at least you know you have a story
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that explains your state of mind
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because let's say your husband wants a divorce okay you can be like okay well I'm feeling like crap today
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because I'm experiencing grief overwhelm this and
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that you know it's very difficult this transition because of this divorce
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and so when you're talking to people
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when you're you know understanding your own self
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and how to move forward there is some form of navigation
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because you have a story to tie your feelings to but
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if you are initiating a transition yourself oftentimes it is
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because you have these first feeling emerge within you
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and they oftentimes don't really carry a story okay they might be connected to something specific
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that has happened true
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but oftentimes they don't oftentimes you just feel different you feel
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weird you feel lost you feel numb you feel less excited you feel a bunch of different things
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and you might not understand why you are feeling these things.
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So the point that I'm trying to make is
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that it becomes very hard to justify whatever you are experiencing
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and to make sense of it all because it doesn't carry a story.
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Gosh, I hope you're understanding what I mean.
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But for me personally, this has been a very, very, very difficult stage to be in.
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And so when the internal life is shifting okay you're starting to change a little bit inside
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but the external life like your regular life in terms of
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like your day-to-day your goals your ambitions you know your mindset your values like everything is operating as per normal
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but your internal self is shifting there's it's almost like it becomes like a mismatch
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and that is what causes this feeling of disorientation of feeling lost confused
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because inside you are kind of moving towards something else
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but on the outside you're operating as per normal like in
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the old self you know in my case I must tell you ladies I had no idea
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that I was going through a major transition in my life until much later.
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I just thought like okay well I guess I'm just you know thinking a bit differently now you know
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or just I feel a bit different.
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I had no idea
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that what I was actually experiencing was like a midlife crisis type of thing
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or let's call it more like identity shift and life transition because I didn't even have those labels.
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I was actually stuck for a very very long period of time not really understanding what was happening
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because I was like okay I know something is shifting but I have no idea what this is
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and this is by the way one of the reasons to why I'm making this starting over serious
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because we have to just make sense of it all that's
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sometimes the only way of how to be to get unstuck
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and move forward like when you get clarity you know another thing that personally happened to me was that
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I started experiencing a lot of guilt.
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And the guilt is apparently very common, especially for us people who live in Western countries, because a lot of people,
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let's say, again, as of maybe their mid or late 30s, up until who knows what age,
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might start feeling like, wow, I'm feeling misaligned somehow.
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I'm not into this as before.
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I feel different.
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I want to make changes.
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But then you're like, but why do I want to make these changes?
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I mean, my life is great.
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I worked so hard to achieve these things.
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I have no reason to complain.
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I mean, look at other people.
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I mean, they would love to be in my situations or look at other people.
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They have real problems.
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I feel like I'm inventing problems to myself at this stage because my life is fine.
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I should just be grateful and carry on.
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And that, let me tell you, creates loads of guilt.
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You start feeling guilty because you have a bunch of good things in your life.
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But now, let's say you want something different.
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And you know what I have learned in the midst of all of this?
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Two things can really be true at once.
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I mean, it sounds a bit like a cliche and maybe it is,
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but I've noticed how you can absolutely be grateful and feel incredibly privileged about your life,
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but you can still be having valid feelings of misalignment.
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Gratitude and misalignment can coexist together at the same time.
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You can still feel so grateful for what you have and so misaligned at the same time.
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That took me a long time before I fully understood that that was okay to feel, okay?
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And I think a lot of people really do get stuck in the initial stages because they feel incredibly guilty, you know, and they might even experience high levels of shame.
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And so you might start feeling like, okay, I shouldn't be having these feelings.
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So you might even start rejecting those feelings and that's not necessarily good
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because you do want to allow yourself to feel what you truly feel
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and listen to yourself you know in the midst of that
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because in the end maybe that voice inside you is trying to tell you something
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that is worth listening to and maybe eventually you start actually making some life changes because of that voice
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life changes that are necessary for you to make.
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Another feeling of shame that I think happens as well is that when you are experiencing a lot of internal shifts,
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they act a bit like invisible problems, okay?
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Again, you might feel guilty like, oh, am I making up these invisible problems to myself?
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Invisible problems feels in a way harder to talk to people about or even voicing, even sometimes to yourself people are asking you how are you
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you're saying well you know what i've been maybe experiencing some depression
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or a big feeling really off um i can't really explain what it is
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and so then people start like okay
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but is everything okay in your life you know
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and people try to kind of make sense of it like is your work okay is your relationship okay has something happened, you know, and you're there like,
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well, kind of nothing has happened, you know.
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But so why this becomes an issue is because when something
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so internal is happening and you can't really make sense of it all and give a story to people about,
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it almost makes it feel a bit isolating
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because it's hard to talk about something where even you don't understand what's happening you just know something is off
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and that's it you can't explain it more than that
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and it almost feels easier not to talk to people about it
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because a you might not want to worry people you know
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and B there isn't that much to add because obviously people will want to know more and so on.
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So in my case as an example I've kind of kept a lot of this to myself
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and I'm not saying that's what you should be doing by the way
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because I think it always does help to to share you know your burdens with others
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but I don't know it has been so incredibly isolating to carry this
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and to try to explain it to people
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and a few people will understand unless they have really experience it themselves you know
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and in my particular case as well just as like a little side note
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because you know I do make content about things
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that I learn in life things that I experience
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and I love being authentic here with you
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but even I have struggled to talk about in great detail about what I am experiencing
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because I mean I've been thinking to myself like my goodness this sounds
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so unrelatable I mean people are going to look at me and be like okay she has leveled up her life.
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Her life is fine.
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Why is she complaining?
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It's like she's making stuff up just to have luxury problems almost.
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And that's what I mean, you know, when I say that a lot of people in Western countries do start feeling these things at some point.
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And yeah, they will feel quite isolated because you have it so good.
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Why are you complaining?
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Why are you inventing problems for yourself when there are others who have it much, much worse than you?
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Why do you not want to change your life or turn it upside down when you don't have to.
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But so how do we know when something is just a phase
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or a thunk or whether we should really be taking those feelings seriously
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and listen to what our internal self is telling us?
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Like how do we know the difference between a phase and reality, I guess?
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Now look, I first and foremost want to tell you
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and a little disclaimer at the same time
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that obviously nothing is ever set in stone
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and I don't want to be sitting here influencing you to
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to make some really big life changes I'm just here sharing kind of what I have experienced
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and my thoughts around it
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and as well what I've seen among my my research into this topic first
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and foremost I want to say that if something used to energize you
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but now feels more like is draining you not
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because something is necessarily bad or you have changed your opinion about something
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but it can simply be
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because okay you have grown out of something it might belong to an older version of you
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and i would also say similarly you know
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when your goals no longer feels like they create excitement
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because we all always have goals in our lives right like me as an example i used to have
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so many level up goals
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but then one day i was like i'm not really i
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don't really care for this goal anymore you know this goal
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doesn't give me anything i don't get like any excitement anymore from this
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or whatever it used to give me it might really feel like
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that emotional charge is gone i used to really really love
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a lot to do with like the finer things in life
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and luxury and things like that and even though i still like you know
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that to a certain extent i was so much more into
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that side of life before
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because i used to get like i don't know some form of like big level excitement around all of that
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but then one day i was like huh i don't feel
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it's exciting as it used to be i feel like other things are exciting me more now
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and that was like a very good sign
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that okay maybe I am growing out of something you know shifting interest somehow now
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if you're also starting to kind of fantasize about something completely different in your life
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I had it a lot with like simplifying my life changing direction
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or starting over sometimes even disappearing I was like oh what will happen
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if I would just like completely disappear from I I don't know, YouTube or the social circles or whatever, right?
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And so, yeah, you don't necessarily have to act entirely on those fantasies.
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But I think when you really start thinking deeply about what if I really live differently than what I am doing today,
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and you are imagining how that would look like and you're maybe even getting a little bit excited about that potential reality.
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I started having a major shift about how I just wanted a more kind of nature style of life.
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I always used to associate that life a little bit negatively.
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I don't know why it's just my own stupid thing in my head, but like, I'm like, but, oh, but I'm not the kind of, you know, granola eating hippie,
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you know, that's still not my type and nothing wrong with that type, But, you know, it's just so different to me, which is more, I guess,
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you know, a girl who likes the finer things in life and aesthetics and that kind of thing.
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But I do think in my soul, I must be that a granola eating hippie
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because I am maybe drawn to a lot of those things like nature
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and slower type of lifestyle and I don't know growing your own food
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or something you know I am drawn to those things and
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so I started to have a lot of these new interests pop up in my life
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and I was like why am I interested in how to
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manage your own land how to drive a tractor you know
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I don't know I'm like I used to be interested in Hermes bags
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and now I want to learn how to drive a tractor you know
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but that's the thing sometimes it is a little bit like
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that and you might not even take yourself seriously I certainly did not take myself seriously
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but I think it's important to listen to what
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that voice tells you another subtle sign might be
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when you start feeling really detached from the identity
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that people associate you with because of course people see one version of you perhaps
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but inside of yourself you might already in a sub on
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a subconscious level be associating yourself very differently i had
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that as well you know especially i think a lot of people who maybe know me more as an acquaintance
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or a friend a lot of people are like oh well anna you're
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so nice and elegant and you know you like
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that whole elegant thing and i was like yeah but that's actually
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so not the entire side of me
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and i started to feel like yeah that's true there is a side of me who still likes
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that but actually i don't really feel like the elegant identity is is accurate for me anymore i don't know
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and so that usually says that okay you might internally growing somewhere else
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but your external hasn't yet caught up you know please do
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know whatever i am mentioning it does sound like you might already be kind of understanding what you want
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but i do know
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that in the very very early stages you might oftentimes know what you don't want
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but you have no idea what you actually want okay
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so this new version of yourself has not really emerged yet
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you just kind of know what you are done with and
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so that is also very important to to know
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that no need to put pressure on yourself to know what
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you should be doing what you should be wanting what kind
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of identity you should be having what kind of lifestyle you
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should be living etc now these are just a few samples
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of you know some subtle signs I would say there are probably
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so many more but one thing is for sure
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and this is what I personally did
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when I started to feel like I was having a yeah
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a change of heart emerge within me my first instinct
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which really proved to be right was
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that I was like okay you know what let me do a time test
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because I need to know is this just a phase or is this kind of
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i guess my new reality you know um
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so i let this rest for about six months i'm not
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saying you have to let it rest for six months maybe you need less time than
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that but for sure
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that can give you some clarity whether you know this is just a funk
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or not sometimes you might even need to take some specific
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action maybe you need to go on a holiday maybe you
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need to take proper rest maybe you need to fix certain
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problems in your life to see okay is this really a new version of you emerging
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or were you just tired
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or did you just need a break you know listen ladies i want you to know
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that if you are in a confused place it is oftentimes the first sign
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that maybe this is the beginning of a transition i'm not saying it is i'm not making any claims here
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but confusion is oftentimes
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a very good tell and that is
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because the old is now losing its grip on you
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or losing authority in your life but the new has not yet found its direction
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so you are there kind of i don't know figuring things out
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and therefore you are quite confused
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so start listening to whatever your voice is telling you i'm not saying go up
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and blow up your life today no and please do not panic either
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because i know that
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if you are going to embark on a transition it can
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feel like quite an uphill it certainly have been like
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that for me but i want you to know
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that even in the darkest hour it has still been been
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so worth it even if i'm not yet out on on the other side yet completely
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but i do know that living in alignment is ultimately what's going to always bring you the most happiness in life, the most peace.
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And so even if it's going to be a little bit painful at times to get to that alignment, or you have to take some difficult decision or decisions, or you have to, you know,
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turn your life upside down for some time, in the end, I believe that it's going to be worth it.
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I really do believe it.
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Living authentically and living in alignment, I don't know, I really feel like this is the feeling, the ultimate feeling of freedom.
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And I think we all want to be in that state of equilibrium, I guess, where we feel this is what we truly want to do in life.
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This is truly how we want to live.
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And so I think everything is worth it to get there.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “Why You Feel Lost When Your Life Is Actually Fine”. This video has 294 sentences and 3745 words to shadow. The speech runs for 21:59. The speaker talks at a natural 170 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 87% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| oftentimes adverb | /ˈɔf.ənˌtaɪmz/ | Frequently; often. |
| emerge verb | /ɪˈmɝd͡ʒ/ | To come into view. |
| midlife adjective | /ˈmɪdlaɪf/ | Occurring in the middle point of one's life, usually considered about 45. |
| isolate verb | /ˈaɪ.sə.leɪt/ | To set apart or cut off from others. |
| alignment noun | /əˈlaɪn.mənt/ | An arrangement of items in a line. |
| elegant adjective | /ˈɛləɡənt/ | Characterised by or exhibiting elegance; having grace, refinement, or tasteful simplicity. |
| invisible adjective | /ɪnˈvɪzəb(ə)l/ | Unable to be seen; out of sight; not visible. |
| guilt noun | /ɡɪlt/ | Responsibility for wrongdoing. |
| excitement noun | /ɪkˈsaɪtmənt/ | The state of being excited (emotionally aroused). |
| excite verb | /ɪkˈsaɪt/ | To stir the emotions of; to cause to feel excitement. |
| granola noun | /ɡɹəˈnoʊlə/ | A breakfast and snack food consisting of loose, crispy pellets made of nuts, rolled oats, honey and other natural ingredients. |
| misaligned adjective | Out of alignment. | |
| misalignment noun | The state, or an instance, of being misaligned. | |
| amidst | /aˈmɪdst/ | In the midst or middle of; surrounded or encompassed by; among. |
| invent verb | /ɪnˈvɛnt/ | To design a new process or mechanism. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| start over verb | to begin again; to return to the beginning |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. |
| grow out of verb | To emerge from (something); to take a particular shape as a result of (something); to come to exist from (an origin). |
| move forward verb | To cause to make progress. |
| blow up verb | To explode or be destroyed by explosion. |
| burn down verb | To cause (a structure) to burn to nothing. |
| caught up verb | Involuntarily involved in a situation. |
| go up verb | To move upwards. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- Gosh, I hope you're understanding what I mean.
- I'm not into this as before.
- Why are you complaining?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to have · used to give · used to really really |
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | have been going · I've been thinking |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | has felt · I've decided · I've already made |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | was actually stuck · has been forced · might be connected |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 87 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, I'm, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: aesthetics /ɛsˈθɛt.ɪks/, authentic /ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: cliché /kliˈʃeɪ/, disorientation /dɪsˌɔ.ɹi.ɪnˈteɪ.ʃn̩/, subconscious /sʌbˈkɑn.ʃəs/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/
- Long words — get the stress right: invisible /ɪnˈvɪzəb(ə)l/, disorientation /dɪsˌɔ.ɹi.ɪnˈteɪ.ʃn̩/, equilibrium /ɛkwɪˈlɪbɹɪəm/, initiate /ɪˈnɪʃ.i.eɪt/, internally /ɪnˈtɜːnəli/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like oftentimes, emerge, midlife.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.