Shadowing Practice: Your First Question Is Losing the Sale (Stop Saying This) - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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You can win or lose a sale at a low.
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Most salespeople believe that you actually win or lose a deal
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when you try to close and either say yes
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or no. I'm going to make a suggestion that it actually starts from the very beginning of that conversation.
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And I'm going to show you why I mean what I mean here.
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Okay, so most salespeople have been taught to ask questions that most salespeople ask.
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We call those, watch right here, predictable questions, okay?
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Now, what do I mean by predictable questions?
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Think about questions that salespeople that try to sell you anything typically ask you.
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What would be some common ones?
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Hey, how's it going today?
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That would be one, right?
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So that's a very predictable question.
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How's it going?
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Or how's your day going today?
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How many times do you walk into Best Buy or you walk in anywhere and a salesperson first comes up to you?
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What's the first word?
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Hey, how's it going?
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How's your day?
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Now, as a consumer, do you genuinely believe that that person gives a damn about how your day's going?
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No, you don't you just either ignore it, you brush it aside, or your brain says, oh, he or she's just trying to get me to like them so they can sell me their thing.
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And instantly the guard goes up.
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And when that guard goes up, that's sales resistance.
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And now, unfortunately, you have to compete against that sales resistance to get the guard down the rest of the conversation.
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I'm going to show you how to get the guard down from the first words out of your mouth
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so you don't have to compete against that wall resistance.
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It makes selling way easier.
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You sell way more and your prospect's way happier.
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It's really good.
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What are some other predictable questions?
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How's the weather?
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So especially if you sell virtually and you're selling to prospects or you could be selling to prospects over the phone, you're calling leads all over the world or whatever they go.
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How's the weather over there?
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Okay.
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Would that be a predictable question that that prospect is probably used to every sales person that's ever tried to sell them?
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Ask.
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Yes.
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We want to stay away from that because how are salespeople viewed in society in general?
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High status or low status?
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Low status right now we're changing that.
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We want to be viewed as high status because if nothing is sold, there's no such thing as an economy.
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So you're pretty damn important.
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That's why I started this company because you are important.
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Things need to be sold.
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People need to be helped.
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Okay.
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We don't want to ask those particular questions or questions like if you're on virtually or you over the phone as well, like where do you live?
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Okay.
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Now it doesn't mean you can't ask these questions as you get into the conversation
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and you build trust and credibility after you build a gap, but right out of the go, like knocking on somebody's door.
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If you sell a door to door, like, Hey, are you the homeowner here?
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Great.
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Nice to, nice to meet you.
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How are you doing today?
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What's this about?
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Instantly.
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Cause they know you're not genuinely interested in how their day's going.
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Even if you are, I'd be highly skeptical
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that you were generally interested in every single prospect's day that you've ever talked to.
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Let's be real.
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We all know that.
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Okay.
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So I want to stay away.
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There's other predictable questions, but I want to stay away from predictable questions because that causes what we call sales resistance.
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Okay.
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Sales resistance is not your friend.
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If you want to sell a lot.
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Now, if you're a spelling bee champ, excuse my writing, I'm just writing fast here.
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So I apologize to you.
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If you're Jeremy, you didn't spell that right.
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Sales resistance is not your friend.
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Disarming the prospect is your friend.
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So how do I right here disarm the prospect to let their guard down.
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Okay.
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Now, why is it important for you to get their guard down?
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Because do human beings buy on logic or emotion?
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Well, 100% emotion.
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Brain studies prove that.
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There's no debate in behavior of science.
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You buy 100% on emotion.
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You just justify it with logic later.
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So if the guard goes up, when you ask them questions, even if they're the best questions in the world, what type of answers do you typically get back?
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Vague, generalized, surface level answers, because there was something you said or how you said it,
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how you asked it, which we're going to talk about a second that triggered that prospect.
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Now the guards up sales resistance.
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So I need to learn how to disarm them where the guard comes down
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and how do I keep them disarmed the entire time?
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What I mean like psychology wise is you're learning how to calm their nervous system.
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That's what I mean by disarming the prospect.
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Okay.
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I went to school to become a psychologist.
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I I specialize in neuropsychology, boring stuff, but it's the study of the brain and how it works in conjunction with the nervous system.
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That gave me an advantage among other salespeople.
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They just didn't understand how this stuff worked.
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Now, I struggled in this in the very beginning because I didn't have it down.
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It took me a while to obviously get this down.
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And some would say I had a very successful sales career, at least grandma tells me that.
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Now, other reasons why you trigger sales resistance right in the very beginning.
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That's why I always say you can win or lose a sale.
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Hello, because how many times, like let's say if you sell door to door, you knocked on the door and you do like your little 30 second thing, like not interested or no, we're good or we're enough.
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Or you cold call.
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Maybe you're cold calling a company.
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Okay.
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If that's what you saw, if you're in B2B sales.
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Okay.
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And after like 10 seconds, like, is this a sales call?
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Or how did you get my number?
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Or we're not interested.
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We already have somebody for that.
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See, that is a triggered reaction based off what you're saying or how you're saying it.
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So that's what we're going to talk about next.
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So how you're saying it is just, actually, it's more important.
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how you're saying it, okay?
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Now, what do I mean by that?
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That represents, let's get this mark over here, that represents your tonality, okay?
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Now, if you're like most salespeople, you've probably read a lot of sales books that say that 93% of your communication is your nonverbal.
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Now, what is nonverbal?
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That means your tonality, your voice, like how you say things, how you ask questions and your body language.
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7% is the words.
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Now that's an old study.
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Okay.
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Most experts now believe with new studies, it's actually about 70% is your non-verbal.
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So 70% is the actual tonality, how you say it, and your body language.
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30% is your word.
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So words do matter, questions do matter, but it's how I ask them that matters the most.
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What are some patterns that most prospects would be used to from most salespeople?
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How they sound, okay?
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Most sales people, when they first talk to the prospect, they come across
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sounding what way too excited now I don't mean be boring
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there is a middle ground you don't want to come across wait hey hey John I'm so happy
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that you're here today that's obnoxious it reminds people of like the old slick back used car salesperson
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and no offense to my used car salespeople we love you we train a ton of dealerships
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that crush it but you want to settle
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that excitement back like I said you're not gonna be you're not gonna be up here
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but you don't want to be way down here where you're boring.
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Okay.
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There's a middle ground.
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I'll show you what that means in a second.
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The second way most salespeople come across in their tone when they first start talking to a prospect, and that could be inbound leads who book on the calendar that maybe you meet virtually, or maybe you meet them at their home,
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or maybe you meet them in office.
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If you sell to companies that could be you calling on the phone.
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Okay.
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That could be you knocking on the door.
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It doesn't really matter.
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We can come across that way.
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Anyways, the second way most salespeople come across that you want to avoid is you come across timid or nervous. Would I be right?
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Okay.
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Oh yeah, John, I'm so sorry to bother you.
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Like, when can I call back?
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That's a timid and nervous tone.
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That represents what?
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That you don't know really what you're talking about.
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You're not an expert because would an expert come across as timid and nervous?
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No. Would an expert also come across way too excited?
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Like, you know, no pun intended, a used car salesperson from 30 years ago.
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They wouldn't, right?
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An expert doesn't talk like that.
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They don't need to talk like that.
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The third way that most salespeople come across that triggers sales resistance is they come across monotone, okay?
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Monotone like a what?
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Like a telemarketer.
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How many of you have ever answered a phone call from a telemarketer?
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What do they sound like?
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Hey, Judy, it's James Miller with XYZ Company the reason why I was calling you was, and it sounds like they're reading a script, they're monotone.
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They talk in one voice like this.
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And that triggers what?
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Sales resistance because salespeople or prospects are used to what?
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Our brains pick up patterns.
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And if we sound like all these other salespeople they always talk to that they've had negative experiences with, for the most part, they're probably going to have their guard up.
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Okay.
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So we want to come across a lot differently.
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So with our tone, there's different ways.
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So what is the right tone? it.
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Okay.
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Now, why is tonality so important?
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Write this down.
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Your tone is how the prospect interprets your intention behind everything you say and ask.
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That's how you interpret the meaning behind what you're asking, the meaning behind your questions.
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Because when, I'll give you an example of this.
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Okay.
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Let's say that you're going across the street and you hear somebody scream, like yelling, like just, they just yell.
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What instantly do you do? you're like this you you instantly move right that's fight
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or flight response you're instantly reacting that's your survival part of
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your brain you don't even know what was said you just
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heard the sound the tone sounded bad like something bad was happening okay now instantly your body does this
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because your brain is reacting survival part of your brain
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and then very quickly the words start going up to scientists
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have different names for this let's call it the midbrain area your words code
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that the words of that person who scream go into your midbrain area
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that starts to interpret what the words mean
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and by the time it gets to your neocortex
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which is your problem solving part of your brain
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that says oh yeah that lady it's not a big deal
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that lady was just yelling at her kid to be safe cross crossing the street i'm okay
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but first your body your nervous system reacted to what the
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tonality not the words the words came second that's why tone how you say something
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because I'll ask you this have you ever wondered why salespeople selling the same thing to the same
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prospects same type of prospects using the same script using the
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same price points how do those sales people get completely different
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results it's how they say things it's how they ask questions the tonality okay
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so important all right if anybody tells you tonality is not important
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that just means they have no they just never sold at a high level they just don't have the experience
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You can go to acting school and the best acting trainers will tell you tonality, body language, like keeps people engaged or has them turn off the show if it's not there.
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Ask them how many advanced tonality courses have they taken?
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Probably none.
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The experts all agree.
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Your tone, body language, nonverbal, tonality, body language, that represents 70% of you making that deal.
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It's kind of important.
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So there's five types of tone that you definitely want to master.
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I'll write down a few of these here.
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The first one is more of a curious tone.
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Okay.
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Now you don't want to come across like fake.
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You know, when you're learning something new, it takes a while.
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You have to really rehearse it.
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It's like you're like a young actor or actress.
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You go out to Hollywood and your first auditions kind of sound what?
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Kind of rehearse, kind of fake.
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So you have to really practice these tones.
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You have to really be trained by somebody who's mastered it themselves, right?
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Because if it comes across like it's a technique, it seems kind of weird, right?
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Number two.
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So curious tone is, and let's go back to it.
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Curious tone is more used to like find out information.
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Oh, walk me through.
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What do you have now for XYZ?
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That's just a curious tone.
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I'm curious.
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I sound curious.
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Remember, the tone is how they interpret your intention behind everything you say and ask.
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So if you come across curious, they interpret that you are curious about that.
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That's why they're more than likely to open up, okay?
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Now, another context, I might need to use a confused tone.
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Now, it's funny because when clients come into our training program, sometimes they ask me like, well, Jeremy, what do you mean by confused tone?
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Like I've got to be sure about what I sell.
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A hundred percent.
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I don't mean you're confused.
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Like you're 106 and you have dementia confused.
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Like, oh, I don't know how it works.
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Confused in certain contexts.
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So let's say if a prospect says, oh man, this problem has caused us so much frustration.
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Hold on.
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How me by frustration see i'm confused i don't understand i'm
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asking for clarity see that's what i would use a confused tone okay
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when i'm asking for clarity like i don't quite understand something now even
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if you do understand 100 i want them to open up emotionally
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and tell me more about that hold on
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when you say xyz problem how long has
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that been going on see i say i'm confused a little bit concerned there as well okay
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and that causes the prospect's brain to like oh he didn't understand what I meant by that, I need to explain that better.
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And that's when they start to open up.
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Okay.
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But if I didn't use a confused tone in that context, unless they were laid down, unlikely they would ever open up to that.
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That one little thing right there, confused tone in that context can make you a ton of sales that you might not be aware you're losing right now.
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Okay.
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There's other examples I could give you.
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Number three, challenging tone.
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Okay.
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Now you can't use a challenging tone at the beginning of a conversation.
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That doesn't make any sense.
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Okay.
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You can't challenge somebody because how much trust or credibility do you have in the first couple of minutes of a conversation?
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Not very much.
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But let's say I get three fourths of the way in.
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I build a gap from where they are to where they want to be.
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That causes them to emotionally attach because they feel pain.
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Okay.
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And they feel like, Hey, this could keep going or it could get worse or it could happen in the future.
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Maybe they don't have pain now, but it could happen in the future.
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So they start to feel that pain.
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There's more trust there.
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There's more emotional bonding.
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And so I can challenge them more because there's more trust there.
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I can say, what happens if you don't do anything about this and this actually gets worse?
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See, it's a little bit of a challenging tone at the very beginning.
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See, I do that.
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A lot more to that.
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Ah, this is so fun.
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Number four, this is a big one, a concern tone, a tone that shows empathy.
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Now, not everything you say or question should sound concerned,
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but you want the prospect in certain circumstances to feel like you are generally concerned for them because you should be.
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Let's say if you sold life insurance, for example, okay?
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And I might ask a question like, so let's say that you pass away years before you thought you would, because I mean, you're smart.
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None of us know our day and hour.
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It's just with death, there's no if, it's just when.
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How many months would Cindy be able to pay for the mortgage, the cars and the expenses without your income?
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See the shift.
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Sounded concerned.
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I'm concerned for this consequence happening.
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Now, when the prospect feels like you're concerned for the consequences, you're concerned if they don't do anything, you're showing empathy to them.
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Do you feel like that lowers your trust or builds trust compared to like, well, how many months is she going to be able to pay things without your income, man?
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Now you're defensive.
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Now the prospect's guard goes up.
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Okay.
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So tonality matters a lot.
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If you want to get to the top in sales, people who say tonality doesn't matter, never got to the top yet.
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They just haven't got to the top.
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They don't have the experience.
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They've never taken advanced tonality because they just don't know about it.
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Like if you always down something, you always criticize something that you don't have any background in, that you don't have any understanding of, that you don't have any knowledge of.
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People are always going to criticize that until they learn it.
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Okay.
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And number five, this is a really important one, a playful tone.
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Playful.
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Let me write that here so you guys can see it.
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Playful tone.
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Okay.
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So give me an example.
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So instead of saying like, how's it going today or something, you could come in and you could say, like, if you're a person who's like, man, Jeremy, like we get clients that are advanced inner circle program.
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They're like, man, I don't know.
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I've been saying, how's it going today for 12 years?
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It's weird if I don't say it to start a conversation.
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I was like, okay, if you really have to say it, because once again, we all know the prospects don't genuinely believe
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that you really give a damn about how their day is going.
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Let's be real.
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I can relanguage it because I want to break the pattern.
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Okay, that's called, write this down, that's called a pattern interrupt.
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Pattern interrupt.
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Okay, so I can say, let's say if I got on Zoom.
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All right, let's see.
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I think you booked, it looks like you, just reading what you put here in this application, looks like you booked on the counter today about, I guess, hey, crazy idea,
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maybe losing some weight so you get healthier, right?
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Let's say if I sold a fitness package
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or I'm some type of a fitness trainer I'm just throwing out a random example.
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So I'm getting them into results-based thinking and then they're like yeah Yeah, right and then the conversation starts going and then let's say they ask you how you're doing.
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Well, how are you doing over there?
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Let's say they ask you that first.
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What would most salespeople say?
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Oh, I'm doing good.
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Just working away.
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Just drinking coffee Oh, you know
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that doesn't really it doesn't really help you to say that
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but it doesn't really hurt you to say that either That's more middle ground.
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Instead, I want to interrupt the pattern.
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I'm gonna use, in that example, more of a playful tone.
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And I'll tell you why that's important for you in a second.
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So they say, how are you doing today, Jeremy?
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Oh, you know, just hanging out, being boring.
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What about you?
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What are you getting up to today?
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Oh, I'm sure you're not boring.
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Now I'm not using a playful tone there to be the class clown.
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I'm using that skillfully.
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Do you know why?
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Because when the prospect laughs, that releases what's called dopamine in the brain.
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Dopamine calms the nervous system.
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That's disarming the prospect.
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So I'm using a playful tone there when they go like, oh, sure, Jeremy, I'm sure you're not boring, okay, to lower their guard, to let their guard down.
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Or they could say, how are you doing today, Jeremy?
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I could just, there's different things.
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I could tell you a hundred different things.
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We teach all this in our Inner Circle Mastery courses for clients.
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I could say like, oh, you know, just trying to stay out of trouble.
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What about you?
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You've been getting trouble over there.
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Oh, no, I've been good.
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See, it's the same thing, but I'm using a playful tone because what if I said this?
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How are you doing today, Jeremy?
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Oh, yeah, just being boring today.
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How about you?
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Whoa, that is boring.
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Sounds kind of weird.
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Oh, just trying to stay out of trouble.
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Are you getting any trouble over there?
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Weird.
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See, that doesn't, that makes no sense.
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Okay, So I have to use a playful tone there for them to open up.
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You starting to get this?
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Okay.
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This is just lots of fun stuff.
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Okay.
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So remember, we want to focus on, we want to stay away from predictable questions that everybody asks.
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Okay.
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We want to work on mastering our tonality, not being a dabbler or a winger in tonality.
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We want to master this because your tone, that's how they interpret your intention behind everything you say and ask.
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Okay.
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Always remember this.
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And I learned this the hard way when I got my first sales job.
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So I'm taking you back what this is.
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I'm taking you back like 24 years.
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I got my first sales job going into my senior year in college.
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I was studying to become a psychologist.
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This was out in the state of Utah, Utah Valley University, and had to get my first job.
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I was about to get married, had a kid on the way, my beautiful daughter, Cammie, and had no choice.
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She had to get a job.
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And since I didn't have a degree or anything, what's the option?
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Sales.
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So I got this job selling home security systems.
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And I still remember the manager today.
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They told us in the meeting, hey, you got to knock on a hundred doors.
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You're going to talk to 30 people because 70 of them aren't going to be home or they don't come or whatever.
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So you're going to talk to 30 people and your goal is to sell one of those 30.
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Well, in my mind, I'm like, well, why do I want to sell one out of 30?
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I can help all 30 of those people.
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That doesn't make any sense.
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Why do I want to sell one out of 30?
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Like they could have a break in.
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They have problems, right?
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I need to solve these problems.
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I need to prevent stuff from happening to them.
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Nobody knows if they're going to have a break in until it happens.
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Okay.
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It's like an insurance policy.
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So anyways, we go out there and start knocking on the doors.
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Well, I'm just following the script they gave us, all that kind of stuff.
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I didn't know all this, obviously, stuff I know now.
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Okay.
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And the first couple of weeks, I'm like, wow, lots of doors slamming in my face, not hardly making any sales.
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But what would most sales people do when they get hung up on or the prospect says no, or if you sell door to door, they slam the door in the face.
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Who do they blame?
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Do they blame themselves or the prospects?
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Most blame the prospects, right?
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And most salespeople say like, oh, you know, if you sold door to door, oh, this neighborhood's bad.
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Okay.
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Or you sell other things like, oh, all my prospects are broke or the leads are duds.
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Okay.
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We never blame our lack of what?
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Skill level.
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Okay.
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I didn't do that just because I'm studying human psychology, human behavior in university at that time, specialized in neuropsychology, studied the brain,
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how it works with the nervous system, like I mentioned.
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And I start reverse engineering.
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I'm like, oh, I didn't blame the process.
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I'm like, oh, what did I, like after they slammed the door, I'd be like, oh, what did I say or what did I ask
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or how did I ask that that triggered that reaction in their nervous system?
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So I'm reverse engineering all this.
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Okay.
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Now it took me two or three months to kind of figure it out.
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And obviously after that, I got way better every month, every year, all that stuff.
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Like you should, if you're, if you're mastering sales and persuasion, which I know that's probably why you're here.
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And that's smart of you to be here.
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Okay.
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But the point is, is never blame the prospects.
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Reverse engineer it.
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Like, Oh, what am I saying?
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What am I asking?
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What, what, how did I cause that objection?
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It's not like the prospect, like woke up that morning and said, you know what, when that salesperson calls me at 335, or when that salesperson comes over the house,
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or, you know, when I meet that salesperson virtually at four to talk about XYZ.
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I think I'm going to go into fight or flight mode two minutes in and say, enough with the questions.
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Just tell me how much it's going to cost.
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I'll tell you if I'm interested.
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Is that a planned objection or was there something you said, or maybe how you said it,
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tonality, that triggered that reaction in their nervous system to go into fight or flight mode?
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I think you're starting to get this now.
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Okay.
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Now you probably have some questions about, you're probably asking yourself like, Hey, how, cause this, this is pretty basic what I showed you here, but you're probably asking questions like,
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hey, how do I use this for what I sell?
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How do I tie this into my industry?
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And that's smart of you to think to get to the highest level.
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So you've got questions.
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Just text me.
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I'm going to give you our number here, 480-637-2944.
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Just text us your questions and myself
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or one of our sales trainers will get back to you as soon as we can.
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Hope that helped you today.
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And you want to start mastering sales.
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First thing you got to do, you got to have a step-by-step plan taught by who?
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Somebody who's probably mastered the thing itself if you want to be really good.
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So first step is you can hit the subscribe button.
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You can follow me here and you can ask us questions
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and you can always reach out to us
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if you wanted to get into advanced training courses that we offer for your industry.
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I hope that helped you today.
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Take care.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 465 sentences and 4628 words to shadow. The speech runs for 22:51. The speaker talks fast, about 202 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 86% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| tone noun | /ˈtəʊn/ | A specific pitch. |
| prospect noun | /ˈpɹɑspɛkt/ | The region which the eye overlooks at one time; a view; a scene; an outlook. |
| confused adjective | /kənˈfjuːzd/ | unable to think clearly or understand |
| curious adjective | /ˈkjʊɹ.i.əs/ | Tending to ask questions, or to want to explore or investigate; inquisitive; (with a negative connotation) nosy, prying. |
| bore verb | /boɹ/ | To inspire boredom in somebody. |
| predictable adjective | /pɹəˈdɪktəbləl/ | Able to be predicted. |
| playful adjective | /ˈpleɪfl̩/ | Enjoying play; sportive; prone to playing frequently, in the manner of a child or young pet (viz. puppy or kitten). |
| trigger noun | /ˈtɹɪɡɚ/ | A finger-operated lever used to fire a gun. |
| instantly adverb | /ˈɪnstəntli/ | At once; without delay. |
| interpret verb | /ɪnˈtɜː.pɹɪt/ | To decode the meaning of a topic and then act, whether to continue researching the topic, follow through, act in opposition, or further the understanding… |
| knock verb | /nɑk/ | To rap one's knuckles against something, especially wood. |
| virtually adverb | /ˈvɚ.t͡ʃə.wə.li/ | Almost but not quite. |
| reverse noun | /ɹɪˈvɝs/ | The opposite of something. |
| script noun | /skɹɪpt/ | A writing; a written document. |
| intention noun | /ɪnˈtɛnʃn̩/ | A course of action that a person intends to follow. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| come across verb | To change sides; to cross over to work for the opposition. | |
| go up verb | To move upwards. | |
| open up verb | To open. | |
| come down verb | To descend, fall down, collapse. | |
| come over verb | To affect in a sudden, unprecedented or surprising manner; to overwhelm a person's ordinarily contrary impulse. | |
| come up to verb | To approach. | |
| do over verb | /ˈduˌoʊvɚ/ | To cover with; to smear or spread on to. |
| find out verb | To discover, as by asking or investigating. |
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | I've been saying · You've been getting |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have been taught · you've ever talked · you've probably read |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | have been taught · be viewed · be sold |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | person who scream · people who say |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 169 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, I'm, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, bother /ˈbɑðɚ/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: intention /ɪnˈtɛnʃn̩/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, frustration /fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/, objection /əbˈd͡ʒɛkʃən/
- Long words — get the stress right: predictable /pɹəˈdɪktəbləl/, virtually /ˈvɚ.t͡ʃə.wə.li/, genuinely /ˈd͡ʒɛn.ju.ɪn.li/, psychology /saɪˈkɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like tone, prospect, confused.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.