Prática de Shadowing: Esther Perel on How Dating Has Changed over the Last 20 Years - Aprenda a falar inglês com o YouTube
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I pulled myself into one,
178 frases
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I pulled myself into one,
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a set of very specific questions at the time, right?
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Why does good intimacy not guarantee good sex?
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Why does good sex fade even in couples who love each other as much as ever?
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Why does sex make babies and babies spell erotic disaster in couples?
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Why is the forbidden so erotic?
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And when you love, how does it feel?
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And when you desire, how is it different?
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Those were the questions.
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We got church, we got desired church already.
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Yes, those were the questions that fueled you.
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Yes, and I think these questions still hold today.
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Yeah, I think we need this more than ever today.
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So that didn't really change.
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And I looked at what is the tension that exists
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when our pursuit for secure love clashes with our pursuit for freedom and excitement excitement.
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And the question was, you know,
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what is the nature of erotic desire in the long haul?
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Anyone have an answer yet?
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No. Okay.
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That was the question.
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I still don't fully have an answer,
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but I spent 20 years after that really deepening those very questions.
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What holds excitement?
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How do we maintain aliveness in a relationship in the long haul?
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Okay.
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And so that's why you're reissuing the book.
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Yes.
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To give us that answer.
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Yeah, well, to give us a way to think about it.
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I don't know that there are always specific answers.
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Because the specific answers would mean that there is a general overall answer for everybody.
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Specific answer would be to say that Victoria's Secret can solve it all.
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And there is no Victor's Secret.
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Yes, yes, yeah.
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You know, and that it's a matter of tips.
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There are a lot of different ways to think about it that actually can change your life.
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But it's not just about tips.
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It's about invitations.
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Right.
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How do we begin to institute that in our lives?
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How do we do that?
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Desire is to own the wanting.
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It's when you know that you want something and often you want it because you can't have it.
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And you feel wanted because someone else is choosing you versus others.
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Yeah.
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And therefore, Which is its own eroticism to feel wanted, isn't it?
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That's it.
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That's it.
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That's it.
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You know, I feel unique, indispensable, irreplaceable.
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I feel chosen.
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I feel special.
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I feel wanted.
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Yeah.
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And I feel loved.
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And that's why so many relationships fall apart because you no longer feel desired or have the desire because you're not desired.
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Correct.
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That's what you just added is important,
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is that it is a reciprocal cycle.
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It is reciprocal.
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So, of course, I respond to your desire.
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You respond to mine.
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If I don't feel yours,
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I can continue to feel desire.
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I can continue to want someone who doesn't want me. That exists.
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But there is something different when I respond to the wanting of someone else.
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Well, 20 years ago you wrote,
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intimacy has become the sovereign antidote for lives of increasing isolation.
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In our world of instant communication,
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we supplement our relationships with an assortment of technological devices in the hope that all these gizmos will strengthen our connections.
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This social frenzy masks a profound hunger for human contact.
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Now, you wrote that in 2006.
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We barely had Facebook.
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I had the chills.
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And you knew then that there was a deeper shift in relationships coming.
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How has intimate contact changed in the 20 years since you wrote this?
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You know what's interesting?
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2006, I'm looking at how do we sustain desire.
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2026, I am more and more busy working with people who don't know how to ignite it in the first place.
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2006. Church!
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It helps.
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Keep doing it.
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Everybody went together.
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Well, audience, we got something to talk about here today.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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And then 2006, basically we were beginning to postpone the age of commitment and marriage.
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Beginning to postpone.
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Yes, by 10 years.
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Yeah.
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Instead of being 1920, we became 2930.
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Yeah.
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Now we postpone basically sex for 10 years.
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It's not happening at 16.
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It's our first experiences is sometimes at 26, related sex.
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That means that there's an entire decade of experiences.
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of looking at somebody, wondering if they're looking at you.
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Do we have eye contact?
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Is it me you're looking at or it's actually the person next to you?
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Maybe I don't have my glasses either.
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You know, sitting next to someone,
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wondering if they're going to touch your leg,
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if there's going to be something.
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Am I as interested as you're interested?
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Is your interest, you know,
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what I think it is?
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Or am I completely delusional?
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All of that teenage, young 20s is really diminishing in full force. And why?
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Because of the devices?
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Because we live in a contactless world more and more,
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because we live in a world where we don't need to
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leave home to do some of the most important things that used to put us into the world and into society.
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Because we have gotten used to having devices in our hands.
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These gizmos, I can't believe I even used that term then.
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You know, that basically you try to give us instant answers without any doubt and ambiguity about where to go,
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what to do, what to eat,
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what to listen to next.
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And it is polished and it is wrinkle free and it is so soft and it is completely frictionless.
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And now I'd want that same experience with you, human.
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And I want you to be as predictable and as perfect
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and as wrinkle-free and polished as this little thing that is playing in my hand all the time.
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Yeah. And then...
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I want no trouble from you.
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I want...
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No. I don't want no trouble.
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Exactly.
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I want no trouble.
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I don't want you to have a bad mood.
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I don't want you to have doubts.
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I don't want you to have needs that compete with my own.
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And I especially don't want you to disagree with me.
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Wow.
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So we can all feel this, right?
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We can feel our disconnection is getting worse.
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But you say there's a path forward.
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What is it?
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I mean, the path forward is that we long for connection.
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That has not changed.
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Well, that's why we have the little gizmo in our hand.
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That's why we're trying to connect.
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The gizmo is an interesting paradox because we have never been more connected and we have never been less accessible.
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Ooh.
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We have never been more connected and we have never been more disconnected.
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Modern loneliness masks itself as hyper-connectivity.
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Yeah.
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Wow.
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Church.
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It's funny, it's like a...
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Yeah, yeah.
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You say couples are so damn tired that they have sex really at the bottom of the to-do list.
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Yeah.
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Here's the Amen Choir over here.
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No, no, this woman's list is so long that the thing doesn't appear on the page anymore.
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It's not even on the page.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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And that, how do we begin to flip that?
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I mean, the first thing is,
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I would say touch before sex.
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Touch.
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Just touch.
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We can live without sex,
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but we can't really live without touch.
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We become irritable, aggressive, depressed.
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We are touch creatures.
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We are held for such a long period before we can even crawl or walk.
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We need that kind of physical connection.
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And one of the things that is changing in this moment is that we are more and more in a disembodied reality.
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We are on screens.
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We don't look up.
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We sit like this.
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We don't notice the people around us.
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We don't have the opportunity to smell,
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to hear gesture, rhythm, sound of voice.
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all these things that come with a body.
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And that is changing the way we love and the way we desire.
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Wow.
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Contexto & Antecedentes
Esther Perel, uma renomada terapeuta de casais, explora em seu discurso as mudanças nas dinâmicas de namoro e relacionamentos nos últimos 20 anos. Durante a conversa, ela levanta questões profundas sobre a intimidade, o desejo erótico e a evolução das relações amorosas. Ao longo de sua carreira, Perel tem buscado compreender a tensão entre a necessidade de amor seguro e a busca por liberdade e emoção. Isso é particularmente relevante em um mundo onde as expectativas em relação aos relacionamentos estão em constante transformação.
Top 5 Frases para Comunicação Diária
- “Look at what is the tension that exists…” - Observe a tensão que existe...
- “What holds excitement?” - O que mantém a excitação?
- “How do we maintain aliveness in a relationship?” - Como mantemos a vitalidade em um relacionamento?
- “Desire is to own the wanting.” - Desejar é reconhecer o que se quer.
- “You feel wanted because someone else is choosing you.” - Você se sente desejado porque alguém está te escolhendo.
Guia Passo a Passo para Praticar Shadowing
Para aproveitar ao máximo o conteúdo deste vídeo e melhorar sua prática de conversação em inglês, siga este guia de shadow speak:
- Assista ao vídeo inteiro - Comece assistindo ao vídeo uma vez sem legendas, para captar a essência da conversa.
- Identifique expressões-chave - Repare nas frases e expressões que você deseja incluir no seu vocabulário, como as listadas acima.
- Ouça e repita - Reproduza trechos curtos do vídeo. Pause e repita as falas de Perel, tentando imitar a entonação e a pronúncia. Isso ajudará a aprimorar seu shadowspeak.
- Pratique com um parceiro - Se possível, pratique a conversação em inglês com um parceiro. Use as frases que você aprendeu para iniciar discussões sobre relacionamentos e intimidade.
- Reflexão e Aplicação - Depois de praticar, reflita sobre como essas discussões podem se aplicar à sua vida. Pergunte-se como você pode usar essas novas expressões em suas interações diárias.
Incorporando essas técnicas em sua rotina de aprender inglês com YouTube, você não apenas melhora suas habilidades linguísticas, mas também se torna mais apto a expressar suas emoções e desejos de maneira mais eficaz, transformando sua prática de conversação em inglês.
O que é a Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing é uma técnica de aprendizado de idiomas com base científica, originalmente desenvolvida para o treinamento de intérpretes profissionais. O método é simples, mas poderoso: você ouve áudio em inglês nativo e repete imediatamente em voz alta — como uma sombra seguindo o falante com 1-2 segundos de atraso. Pesquisas mostram melhora significativa na precisão da pronúncia, entonação, ritmo, sons conectados, compreensão auditiva e fluência na fala.
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