Практика Shadowing: why women lose themselves and their friends in relationships - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео

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Today, we are talking about that girl that disappears when she gets a partner or boyfriend.

There's this thing that happens to some of the most incredible women that I know, and it happens so slowly and gradually that by the time anyone notices, including her, she's already gone

and i'm not talking about she's gone i'm talking about she

has stopped fully being herself maybe you've watched this happen to someone

that you love or if you're really being honest with yourself maybe

that girl is you okay before we get into this deep a little bit about myself is

that i have been in a long-term relationship for many years

and for those of us watching who have experienced long-term relationships understand how humbling

challenging and it is one of the most beautiful things that you can choose to keep doing every single day.

I am not a relationship guru.

I am just a girl that has simply made every single mistake that I will talk you through in this video.

These are things that I personally navigated.

These are things that I'm actively working on and some things that I just wish someone told me earlier.

Oh and before you click out this video is not just for people in relationships.

If you are single, if you are in a situationship, if you are that friend watching your best friend disappear in that relationship, this video is for you too.

Because this is really about all of us and how we show up for ourselves and for each other.

How the fuck did we get here?

Nobody wakes up one day and decides to just lose themselves.

Suddenly you don't go from I to making your whole personality about we.

Like we love hiking.

We love outdoors.

Girl, like six months ago, you were so scared of going to the gym with me.

It does not happen because you are weak or you're too naive or you're too in love.

This change happens because it is slow.

It is so gradual that no one notices, including yourself.

It is so incremental that to you, it just feels like life is moving.

For example, you might cancel on your friends because you want to stay in with that person that you're seeing.

And that is fine.

That is normal.

All those feelings are valid, like you want to spend more time with them.

But then once becomes a pattern and that pattern becomes your personality

and suddenly you are that girl to your friends that is no longer available.

You start filling your time with shared things which is cute

and all until you realize you cannot remember the last time you did something for yourself or by yourself.

And the friendships, that's usually the first place it shows.

The hangouts get less, the vibes start to fade, and your friends actually feel it before you do.

They might be watching you disappear into the ether and they do not always know what to say.

The fucking scary part about all of this is none of this feels like a loss in that moment.

You might feel like I'm in love or I'm just maturing or I'm just adulting or I'm choosing my person.

And sometimes that framing is exactly what keeps you from realizing what is happening.

So how do you actually know this is happening to you?

When is the last time you did something alone that has nothing to do with your relationship or your responsibilities?

All I'm going to say is if your last solo activity was pumping gas, sit your ass down and I'm glad you're here.

And I'm not talking about a solo errand.

I'm definitely not talking about your partner goes into the office and you work from home.

Something you did because it brought you joy and it was purely just for you.

If you're struggling to answer that, pay attention to that.

Another thing to think about is when is the last time you saw your friends?

Like just your friends, okay?

Without needing a scheduling miracle.

Your friends are not a luxury girl.

They're not the things that you finally get to after everything else is handled in your life.

Your community is a non-negotiable and it's part of who you are and it keeps you grounded.

And this one is very important but

when is the last time you wanted something for your own future your own goals your own ambitions

and your own vision of your life that can exist alongside your relationship

because here's the thing a relationship should add to your life

it shouldn't become your whole life for those of you panicking

and throwing up as you are listening none of this means

that your relationship is bad or that you have to leave it this doesn't mean

that you're doing something wrong it just means you're human

and some of these stuff needs your attention the fact

that you clicked on this video probably means that you are aware of this and you're trying to actively work on it.

Some people live their lives completely unaware of this and never change.

We made it to chapter three and chapter three is what signs to look out for in your friend.

Now I want to talk to the friends of that person that is in that relationship.

This part is for you and this might be the most important thing that I say in this whole video.

We all experience that one friend that slowly fades away.

They disappear, they cancel last minute.

It's really that low-grade unavailability that becomes normal and when she does show up, it's just not the same.

She's a little less herself or she's super careful about what she says and what she shares.

Also might notice that she only talks about the relationship and doesn't really talk about her own life.

And honestly, as a friend, it's super easy to take it personally.

It's easy to pull back because she's also pulling back, but that is the worst thing that you can do for her.

So what do you actually do with this?

Because here is where most friendships go wrong.

We either say nothing and quietly resent her or we say too much

and she pulls back and runs right back to him.

What actually works and heals this relationship is you keep inviting her even when she says no.

You still show up even when she says no. You keep

that door open without making her feel bad for how long it has been open for.

And when you talk to her, you should talk to her.

You should talk to her and make it about her, not about him.

And honestly, this part lands so differently because it's not about the relationship.

It's only about your friendship with her.

You are not pulling her out of a relationship, what you're doing is just merely keeping that line open so when she is ready and she will be ready one day,

you will be there for her.

So we made it to chapter four and this chapter is about how to protect yourself and your friendships.

So let's talk about what you can actually do because awareness is only half of it.

The other half is building boundaries and habits

and I want to be really practical here

because I feel like this is where a lot of advice got really vague for me.

One advice that I would give is protect your solo time like it is sacred.

And I mean that literally.

Time that is just yours.

Not couples time, not girls night, not productive time.

Just you.

Just sitting with you.

Whether that's a morning routine, a solo walk, or a hobby that you completely do by yourself.

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For me, I take ballet dance lessons and I go by myself

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and this is a moment where I can just spend time with me and my younger self.

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And stop yourself from thinking this is selfish

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because this is actually one of the most important things

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that you can actually do for yourself and your relationship

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because you can't fully show up for someone else if you haven't done that for yourself yet.

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Second thing is to put your friendships in your schedule the way that you do for date nights.

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I find that we are so intentional about protecting time and creating space for our partners but so casual with our friendships.

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Your girlfriends or your friendships need a standing place in your life.

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A reoccurring girls dinner or a voice memo for a long distance friendship, or just even writing letters to each other if you're in different countries.

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Like this is so important.

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It doesn't have to be this elaborate fancy plan, it just has to be consistent and consistency is what keeps friendships alive in your lifetime.

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But the third practical advice that I would give, which is life-changing honestly, is just having an open and vulnerable conversation with your partner.

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This conversation should be about what independence means for you.

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This isn't a negotiation, but rather just a statement of who you are and what you're looking for.

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A secure relationship should have room for two whole people.

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If the idea of having your own friends, your own time, and your own goals is threatening to your partner, you can kindly show them the exit.

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You should never shrink to make someone else comfortable.

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The fourth advice I would give is try to keep your goals alive.

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So whatever you're working towards outside of the relationship, that degree, that business, that creative idea,

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having something that is purely yours and purely forward moving keeps your identity intact in a way that nothing really else can.

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Your ambition is not a threat to your relationship.

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It is part of who you are and the right person will celebrate it instead of compete with it.

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And the last thing I want to say is interdependence is not the same thing as losing yourself.

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A healthy relationship is two people choosing each other while choosing themselves.

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You are allowed to be deeply in love while being a full, complex, independent person.

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Those two things are not in conflict.

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In fact, the relationships that last are usually the ones where both people never stopped individually growing.

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You do not have to choose between love and yourself.

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The goal is never to put yourself in a position where it feels like a choice.

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You are a whole person.

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You are not a plus one, so act accordingly.

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Whether you are many years deep in a relationship, freshly in something new, completely single and loving it, or somewhere in the complicated middle, your identity is yours.

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It does not belong to a relationship.

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It does not belong to a title or a situation ship or a situation ship that feels like a relationship.

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I think one of the most attractive

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and powerful things a woman can do is to decide that no matter what her love life looks like, she is going to stay connected to herself.

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Her friendships, her goals, her voice, her sense of humor, the things that make her distinctly her, not because she is guarding herself against love,

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but because she respects herself enough to never fully disappear for it.

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And to the friends, keep showing up.

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Be the kind of friend that someone can come back to without shame.

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That kind of loyalty is so rare and it matters more than you know.

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I also do not have it all figured out, but I remember I used to look for content on this

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and found it hard to come across so wanted to share my own experience

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and thoughts take care of yourself take care of each other

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and I will see you girlies in the next one ciao

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FOR YOU

Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку

В этом видео 145 предложений и 2005 слов для шедоуинга. Речь длится 9:40. Говорящий говорит быстро, около 207 слов в минуту, поэтому звуки часто сливаются и сокращаются. 89% слов входят в 3000 самых частых слов английского языка, поэтому лексика простая.

Ключевая лексика этого видео

15 слов из видео, которые стоит выучить, с произношением и значением:

Слово	Произношение	Значение
friendship существительное	/ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/	дру́жба, прия́тельство
disappear глагол	/dɪsəˈpɪɹ/	исчеза́ть, исче́знуть
practical прилагательное	/ˈpɹæk.tɪ.kəl/	практи́ческий
belong глагол	/bɪˈlɒŋ/	быть «свои́м»
actively наречие	/ˈæktɪvli/	акти́вно
cancel глагол	/ˈkæn.sl̩/	зачёркивать, зачеркну́ть
ambition существительное	/æmˈbɪʃ.ən/	амби́ция
fade глагол	/feɪd/	вя́нуть, увяда́ть
consistent прилагательное	/kənˈsɪs.tənt/	после́довательный
complicated прилагательное	/ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/	сло́жный, запу́танный
lesson существительное	/ˈlɛs.ən/	уро́к, ле́кция
alongside	/əˌlɔŋˈsaɪd/	вместе с
awareness существительное	/əˈwɛɹ.nəs/	созна́ние, осозна́ние
deeply наречие	/ˈdi(ː)pli/	глубоко́
compete глагол	/kəmˈpiːt/	соревнова́ться, состяза́ться

Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите

Слово	Произношение	Значение
show up глагол		объявля́ться, объяви́ться
figure out глагол		разбира́ться, разобра́ться
wake up глагол	/ˌweɪk ˈʌp/	просыпа́ться, просну́ться

Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание

Говорящий использует 34 сокращённых и редуцированных форм, например you're, I'm, doesn't. Произносите их коротко, так, как слышите.

Звуки «th»: threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, ether /ˈi.θɚ/
Звуки «sh» и «zh»: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, ambition /æmˈbɪʃ.ən/, luxury /ˈlʌk.ʃə.ɹi/, casual /ˈkæʒ(u)əl/, selfish /ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/
Длинные слова — следите за ударением: complicated /ˈkɑm.plɪˌkeɪ.tɪd/, differently /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/, elaborate /ɪˈlæb.ə.ɹeɪt/, accordingly /əˈkɔɹ.dɪŋ.li/, consistency /kənˈsɪs.tən.si/

Как заниматься с этим видео

Прослушайте всё видео один раз молча и выпишите незнакомые слова.
Начните со скорости 0,75×, повторяйте предложение за предложением и вернитесь к обычной скорости, когда станет легко.
Запишите себя и сравните с оригиналом, обращая внимание на такие слова, как friendship, disappear, practical.

Грамматика в этом видео

Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:

Конструкция	В видео
Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас	has stopped · have been · have experienced
Придаточные определительные who / which + предложение — уточнение о человеке или предмете	friends that is · things which is · person that is
Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает	is handled · are allowed
Превосходная степень the -est / the most … — самое большое или малое в группе	the most incredible · the most beautiful · your best

Что такое техника Shadowing?

Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.

Техника шедоуинга: читать полное пошаговое руководство →

Практика Shadowing: why women lose themselves and their friends in relationships - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео

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