ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: are you living for you?
กำลังสร้างบทเรียน...
1
There have been many times in my life where I've found myself feeling really unhappy and not knowing what the issue was,
2
but yet knowing that there was an issue.
3
And then a few months later, I would discover what the thing was.
4
And in many times in my life, I've realized that But in those moments,
5
I was feeling unhappy because I was not living life for me.
6
I was living life for everyone else and everything else but me.
7
I wasn't listening to my own opinions.
8
I wasn't making decisions for me.
9
Everything I was doing was a product of someone else's ideas as someone else's schedule,
10
et cetera, you know,
11
and what's really interesting about falling into a phase of not living life for you is that you don't always notice it.
12
It happens slowly and it's not obvious.
13
this, it's kind of hard to spot.
14
And that's why almost every time I've experienced it, I've not realized in the moment that it was happening.
15
I've pretty much only ever been able to spot it months later, which is interesting because it's something I'm aware of,
16
but yet I can fall into it and not even recognize it when it's happening.
17
because it can come in so many shapes and sizes.
18
It can come in many different forms.
19
You know, it's not always the same twice,
20
but it has the same psychological impact and the same terrible feeling.
21
When you're living life for someone or something else other than you,
22
you can weirdly feel trapped in a way.
23
You feel trapped by maybe, well, confined maybe.
24
I mean, is trapped and confined the same thing?
25
Not really.
26
Maybe.
27
You can feel sort of confined to some other force and what that's sort of inspiring you to do.
28
And it can be really upsetting.
29
And so today I wanted to talk about living life for you.
30
And I want to discuss some of the sneaky ways
31
that you can find yourself in a routine where you're not living for you.
32
Discuss some situations that sort of cause this experience.
33
Discuss what it can look like.
34
Discuss how to get out of it.
35
Because when you're living life truly for you and what's right for you,
36
it's so freeing you feel free in a way because there are so many things
37
pressuring us to to do this and do
38
that whether it's someone we know someone we love
39
or it's society telling us to do this or that there are
40
so many forces coming at us at all times telling us how to do things
41
and it can be really hard to not succumb to
42
that pressure but we're all extremely capable of just doing shit for us
43
because at the end of the day you got to take
44
care of yourself first I mean it's kind of like a
45
corny Pinterest quote at this point you can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself first.
46
But it's really true.
47
I have moments when I worry about whether or not my podcast is just like a long version of a Pinterest quote.
48
I worry about it.
49
I can't sleep some nights over it, but this is my destiny.
50
Like I, I'm sorry.
51
This is like what my gut wants me to do.
52
Okay.
53
This is what my gut wants me to talk about.
54
I'm sorry.
55
And you know what, if I'm fucking corny for it, hands up, I'm guilty.
56
If the cringe police show up at my door and take me away,
57
I will go to the cringe jail knowing that I did what my gut told me to do.
58
Sorry.
59
Okay, so let's get into these different scenarios that can cause you to not be living life for you.
60
The one that's been the most prevalent in my life is
61
the fear of damaging relationships can cause you to get into this routine of doing things for other people.
62
For the sake of the relationship, or so you think, in your head, saying yes to everything.
63
Like every time you get a text from a friend or from your significant other saying, Hey, are you free tomorrow afternoon?
64
Like I want to go shopping.
65
In order to say yes to that person, you're canceling all your other plans.
66
Because for whatever reason, this relationship means so much to you
67
that you will do anything to make sure that it stays preserved.
68
Or you may not feel comfortable setting boundaries out of the fear that the relationship will be damaged.
69
So let's say, you know, you kind of need space to get some work done.
70
Let's say, you know, you're working on something, whether it's a project for work, or maybe it's a creative endeavor,
71
or maybe it's school related, like you're studying for tests, whatever it might be.
72
you might not feel comfortable setting a boundary with somebody who
73
you have a relationship with like a time boundary you know
74
like oh I can't hang out with you for the next two weeks
75
because I need to just grind on this right you might not feel comfortable making
76
that boundary because you're afraid of hurting their feelings or you're afraid of them getting angry and retaliating against you or something.
77
And so instead you put yourself out and you don't give yourself that time that you need.
78
And you know, you're maybe talking to this person more than you wish you were, or hanging out with this person more than you wish you were.
79
Or maybe you participate in activities that you actually don't enjoy in order to please someone that you're in a relationship with.
80
Now, when I say relationship, it can be friendship or romantic relationship.
81
Keep that in mind.
82
But let's say it's a Saturday and your friend really wants to go to a horseback riding competition.
83
The truth is you don't give a fuck about horseback riding.
84
And to be honest, you have better things to do.
85
You need to work on this.
86
You need to work on that.
87
You haven't hung out with this other friend in a while, but because you're so afraid of damaging your friendship with this person,
88
instead of respecting the fact that you don't really want to go and that's okay,
89
you force yourself to go because you don't want to damage the relationship or in a more extreme case,
90
let's say your friend wants to go to a party that's really crazy.
91
And maybe there's going to be some illegal activities going on there.
92
Let's say you're not interested in going to this party because you're like, I feel like the cops are going to come.
93
Like, this is sketchy.
94
I don't want to do this, but your friend's like, no, like we have to go.
95
And so you go anyway, and then, you know, while you're there, you're uncomfortable, you're nervous, you're anxious.
96
You get what I'm saying here.
97
Being a yes man in relationships as a way to preserve the relationship.
98
I think this is a great example of not living for you.
99
This is an example of living for the people
100
that you have relationships with in your life because you want to preserve those relationships.
101
And understandably so.
102
I mean, one of the most fulfilling parts of life is our relationships with other people.
103
And this is something I'm discovering more and more as I grow up.
104
Life is really nothing without other people.
105
It really, it's nothing.
106
Now, that's not to say that being alone sometimes and being independent sometimes is an incredible thing because it is.
107
And I'm a big fan of independence and being comfortable alone,
108
but it's so understandable to fear damaging relationships because we cherish our relationships in life but when
109
We're living in fear of damaging relationships to a point where we're canceling our plans to please others,
110
or we're not speaking our mind or standing up for ourselves in order to avoid conflict,
111
or we're doing things that don't align with our character in order to,
112
you know, please the person that we're in the relationship with, whatever.
113
When we start to get to that point, it's just damaging to us,
114
but also long -term it's damaging to the relationship as well,
115
because not living life for you makes you unhappy,
116
which then makes you less enjoyable to be around in a way, right?
117
Now, I'm not saying you need to be perfect, happy, go lucky all the time to be a good friend, right?
118
Or to be a good significant other or to be a good family member.
119
No, we all have our shitty moments, right?
120
But it's just ironic that a lot of times we can live for the people that we're in relationships with,
121
romantic or not, and not live for ourselves as a way to preserve a relationship,
122
but then long -term It just damages the relationship because it's damaging ourself.
123
And so it's so important to build the confidence
124
and the sense of self in a way to be able to feel confident in our thoughts,
125
beliefs, opinions, desires, and to not fear losing someone over those.
126
Because the truth is, anyone who doesn't respect your wishes in a way,
127
who doesn't respect
128
you and what you want to do and your space
129
and your time isn't somebody that you really want to be in a relationship with anyway.
130
And once you can come to terms with that
131
and come to terms with the fact that having this realization may come with losing a few people along the way,
132
because some people may not be able to do that.
133
Then you can truly have relationships where you have this healthy balance and you're being a good friend,
134
significant other, family member, whatever, but also you have a solid sense of self.
135
And just because you love them and you appreciate them doesn't mean
136
that you agree with everything that they say and want to do everything
137
that they want to do and have time to hang out with them 24 -7, right?
138
I think the real formula to avoiding this type of situation is to, number one, work on your sense of independence.
139
Working on your independence
140
is so helpful with this specific situation because independence is a superpower
141
because what it does is it allows you to be more picky with who you spend your time with
142
because you're okay with having a little moment of loneliness.
143
You're okay with having, you know,
144
a little period of time where you don't really have people around you who align with you
145
because that moments like that are going to happen.
146
People are going to come and go out of your life
147
and there are going to be these scary moments where you feel kind of alone in a way.
148
And that's part of, you know, only keeping the quality people close.
149
There are going to be moments of loneliness at times.
150
And I think the reason why we become yes men in relationships is because we're scared of that lonely period.
151
What would happen if I lost this person?
152
Then my circle would get smaller.
153
And then what if I lose another person on top of that person?
154
And then I'm even more lonely.
155
It's this fear of loneliness that creates this issue.
156
And so if you can become comfortable with the idea of lonely periods of life, then you're not afraid of standing up for yourself in a relationship.
157
You're not afraid of setting boundaries.
158
You're not afraid of ruffling someone's feathers a little bit in an innocent way,
159
because you're like, well, if they don't respect.
160
me, and they don't respect the fact that I'm living for me, then I don't want them in my life anyway.
161
You know, the next scenario we're going to be discussing is familial pressure.
162
We all have very different dynamics with our family,
163
but I would say it's overwhelmingly common to experience a level of familial pressure.
164
Although I, I've been really fortunate that I haven't really felt this in my family.
165
You know, my parents have always been very relaxed about what I do with my life,
166
which is a miracle and is so rare.
167
I've had maybe some extended family members have a strong opinion about what I'm doing with my life or,
168
you know, maybe criticize something that I'm doing or ask, you know, questions like, why don't, why are you doing this?
169
Why aren't you doing this?
170
Sure.
171
But when it comes to my parents, I've been really lucky, but whether it's your parents or extended family,
172
family dynamics are interesting because there's this sort of comfortability that's unique.
173
Because in theory, love and family is unconditional.
174
Not saying it's always unconditional, but in theory it is,
175
which is why there's sometimes this over comfortability in familial relationships,
176
because I think people feel the freedom to sort of behave however they want
177
because they're not afraid of their granddaughter disowning them.
178
You know, they're like, well, but I'm your grandma.
179
Like you can't disown me or I'm your mom.
180
You can't disown me.
181
You know, I'm your dad.
182
You can't disown me.
183
Like there's a lot of, especially older family members that will look towards the kids and say, you love me unconditionally.
184
So So I can kind of say whatever the fuck I want to you and you're going to, and you're going to like it.
185
Right.
186
And I think that that can be a problem at times
187
because family members can feel comfortable to share opinions or expectations
188
that they have for other family members that are maybe not cool to share or aren't even appropriate to share.
189
I think that this level of comfort and security can cause an incredibly open
190
and at times even judgmental dialogue that can sometimes overstep or feel demanding or overly judgmental
191
because our family members feel safe to do so.
192
I mean, a lot of us have at least one family member who just cannot seem to keep their opinions
193
or expectations to themselves.
194
Showing up to Thanksgiving like, so let's see a report card.
195
Are you going to a really, really expensive school, honey?
196
Where are you going to get the money though?
197
You don't have a job.
198
Where's your job?
199
When are you going to get a job?
200
When do you have a kids?
201
I swear to God, you're, you're literally 20.
202
Where's your kids?
203
Why aren't you pregnant?
204
Where's your husband?
205
Where's your wife?
206
Okay.
207
And you're like, shut the fuck up.
208
Like, you know what I mean?
209
We all, we actually, I don't know if I really have that.
210
I've seen it happen to other people probably more than it's happened to me, but it has probably happened to me.
211
You know, like I think it happens to everyone or, you know, some of us might have families that are really successful,
212
you know, maybe our parents went to really prestigious colleges and now are doctors and,
213
you know, now this sort of, there's this sort of unspoken pressure to follow in your parents' footsteps
214
or maybe it's the opposite and maybe our parents didn't go to college and really want you to go to college and,
215
and get a certain type of job to sort of break the cycle, whatever it may be.
216
There's a lot of pressure that can come from the family, right?
217
To live life a certain way, make certain decisions, et cetera.
218
And although our families usually mean well and just want the best for us.
219
These sorts of conversations can still plant seeds in our head that are somewhat unhealthy for us,
220
because a lot of us respect and love our families and want to impress them and make them proud.
221
And sometimes our families have a specific idea of what that looks like.
222
And so they can start shooting out opinions of what that looks like to you and you're like, listen, I want to impress you, but in my own way.
223
And sometimes our family members can't comprehend that.
224
I was really fortunate because my parents, the college situation for them was not necessarily super transformative.
225
My dad did not graduate.
226
My mom went to an art school, I believe.
227
And that wasn't really something that, you know, benefited them in their careers.
228
I mean, I think it was probably a good experience for them both, but I don't think it really changed their career trajectory.
229
But yeah, I mean, I was fortunate
230
that my parents never put pressure on me because I don't think they were concerned about upkeeping an image with
231
the way I turned out because they don't really care about that.
232
Like they don't care about the status of what job you have
233
or what college you went to or how much money you have.
234
So that wasn't really a concern.
235
But again, to not make this all about me, that's not the case for everybody.
236
And although I haven't experienced it, you know, I can fully empathize with what that would feel like,
237
and I think one must take the advice and the expectations from their family with a grain of salt,
238
and to be honest, we should take all advice and all expectations with a grain of salt.
239
I don't think that it should be completely ignored, because again, a lot of time our family has our best interests at heart,
240
but I think there's a way that you can take the opinions of your family
241
and internalize them and analyze them on a personal level and decide whether or not you align with them.
242
And instead of feeling like, oh, I have to, I have to go, you know, do exactly what my parents told me to do or what my grandma told me to do or whatever.
243
You could say, you know, I really appreciate that they gave me this input, but I am going to go in a different direction.
244
And then from that point, you can decide, okay, am I going to go and communicate with my family members and explain what I want to do, why I want to do it and how I'm going to do it?
245
Or do I just want to show them one day, You know, keep it kind of to myself for a little while,
246
get it worked out, and then present it to them and be like, this is what I'm doing.
247
Whatever route you may want to take,
248
it's important to do so because the truth is when you're making decisions for other people,
249
in your family especially, if you end up unhappy in the situations that you're in,
250
that your family's sort of seated in your mind, you're going to end up building resentment towards your family.
251
And you're going to end up angry at your family because you're going to be like, you guys steered me wrong.
252
I should have gone with my gut.
253
And I think long -term for the familial relationship, it is healthier to do what you want to do.
254
Even if there's a rough patch in your relationship with your family over the decision to not listen to them, right?
255
Not go in the direction they wanted you to go.
256
Because the truth is you're the only one living your life.
257
They care.
258
They want you to listen to whatever.
259
But a lot of times they'll kind of get over it eventually because it's not their life.
260
And I think a lot of times through communication, you know, a level of understanding can be found with your family.
261
But I would also be blissfully ignorant if I didn't mention the potential for serious family conflict, you know?
262
I mean, that's absolutely possible.
263
There are going to be times when your family really doesn't agree with you, doesn't align with you.
264
And there might be times when your relationship with them fizzles over it.
265
Now, I will say it's one thing when a family member.
266
sort of takes control of a situation in your life when it's like dangerous or toxic.
267
I'm not referring to that.
268
Like if, if you are doing something with your life that is really damaging or really toxic,
269
your family should come in and tell you what the fuck to do
270
and be stern with you and be even at times, maybe even mean to you, right?
271
Like get in your face and fucking tell you what's up.
272
That's one thing, but I'm not talking about that.
273
I'm talking about scenarios that are kind of, dare I say, inconsequential.
274
Like whether or not you have kids, whether or not you go to college, whether or not you get this job or that job, at the end of the day,
275
you know, that's inconsequential to an extent.
276
It's not inconsequential.
277
That's not the right word.
278
It's harmless, right?
279
Those are harmless decisions.
280
Your family can come in and give you gentle advice and gentle wisdom.
281
That's appreciated.
282
But, you know, coming in and setting expectations and being judgmental
283
and harsh about the way that they portray their vision for your life, that's the damaging thing.
284
That's what we're talking about here and family members who tend to lead with this sort of passion,
285
uh, tend to be the ones that get upset if you don't listen to them and it can be challenging to navigate,
286
but I think it is absolutely worth it because at the end of the day,
287
it's your life and you got to do what you got to do to make you feel as fulfilled and
288
excited about life as you can.
289
Another scenario is succumbing to peer pressure, you know, wanting to fit in,
290
wanting to hang with the cool kids or whatever,
291
you know, this can cause us to behave in ways that are not organic to us.
292
And listen, there are times when in a way peer pressure can be good.
293
Okay.
294
Like, for example, going out of your comfort zone a little bit, maybe wearing like a cute new dress that you're a little nervous to wear, but that you really like,
295
maybe your peer pressured you to wear it
296
and you actually ended up feeling really good in it and it made you feel more confident.
297
Or let's say, you know, you got peer pressured into trying rock climbing and you didn't really want to do it because you're like, oh, I'm going to look so stupid if I rock climb.
298
Like, I don't want to do it.
299
But all your friends are like, no, dude, you got to come rock climbing with us.
300
It's the best.
301
Rock climbing is so fun.
302
You got to come.
303
And then you end up falling in love with rock climbing.
304
Like you see what I'm saying?
305
There are times when peer pressure can maybe be a positive thing, but I would say for the most part, it's not.
306
I just had to mention at least an example of
307
when it can be positive because I don't want to ignore those types of moments.
308
But I think the term peer pressure tends to come with a negative connotation.
309
I don't think most of us use that term in a glowing way.
310
Wanting to fit in and blend in with a group
311
and not kill the vibe of a group can cause
312
you to prioritize mimicking everyone else's actions instead of actively thinking about what we want to do.
313
You know what I'm saying?
314
I think there's a lot of pressure a lot of times to not kill the vibe.
315
Like, for example, you're at a party, everyone's drinking, someone offers you a drink and you're like, ah, I don't really want to drink.
316
And you think that in your head.
317
and then you're, you know, everybody's like, no, dude, you have to have a drink, whatever.
318
And then you end up succumbing to that pressure because you're like, I don't want to kill the vibe.
319
Or let's say all your friends are dressing in a certain type of way.
320
Like everybody's, you know, let's say everybody's like loving the, everybody's really 90s.
321
Everybody's in like a nineties mode.
322
Okay.
323
But you're like, I'm not really into the nineties vibe right now.
324
Like I just kind of am into a more futuristic aesthetic right now.
325
This is so sweet.
326
What a stupid example, but you get what I'm saying.
327
You get what I'm saying.
328
But then, you know, instead of doing your own thing, you'd rather just sort of fit in with the group.
329
And maybe your friends are like peer pressuring you to kind of like match with them, you know, whatever.
330
Like, oh my God, no, like we are all like on theme and you're like not on theme, bitch, what the fuck?
331
You know, that vibe, not that that exact scenario happens, but listen, I do the best I can with my examples here.
332
The funny thing about peer pressure is that honestly, what it all comes down to is not wanting to ruin the vibe for everyone else.
333
Okay.
334
That's like a really, really Gen Z way to put it.
335
My Gen Z is showing you don't want to kill the vibe.
336
That's why we succumb to peer pressure because we don't want to kill the vibe
337
and we want to just fit in and we want to be a part of the group, right?
338
The truth is, is that not every environment involves peer pressure.
339
When I was in middle school and high school and things like that, I put myself into situations where I felt somewhat peer pressured,
340
whether it was to go to a party
341
or it was to wear a certain type of clothes
342
or it was to have a crush on this boy because everyone else has a crush on this boy, you know, whatever it was like,
343
I put myself into scenarios where I was peer pressured.
344
I also think it's more common to experience peer pressure in middle school
345
and high school than it is to experience in adulthood.
346
But I think it absolutely occurs in adulthood.
347
You know, like I think a good example of how it could happen to an adult would be, let's say a mom, you know, a new mom just gave birth, right?
348
All of her friends have also recently given birth and they're all telling her how to be a mom, right?
349
Cause they had kids first.
350
So they're all like, okay, well we all put our kids into this preschool
351
because this preschool teaches your kid how to do long division at six months,
352
years old, six months, years old, long division.
353
My kid's going to be so fucking smart, smarter than yours.
354
But yeah, put the kid into this preschool and feeding my kid this baby food,
355
because I think that this baby food will make my kid the next top model.
356
So I'm feeding my kid this fucking baby food.
357
And that, you know what I'm saying?
358
And then you kind of get peer pressured into doing the same for your child as a mother
359
because all your mom friends are telling you, this is what we're doing.
360
What are you doing?
361
And then you're like, well, I don't know.
362
I haven't really thought about it.
363
And you're like, oh, you know, they're like, well, you should be doing it like this.
364
And then you're like, well, but I was actually thinking about putting my kid into this preschool
365
and feeding my kid this type of food because of these reasons.
366
And then they're like, what?
367
Oh, you can't.
368
You know what I'm saying?
369
It happens no matter what age you are.
370
I mean, I think the older you get, the less it occurs.
371
But, you know, all of this to say, these types of environments are avoidable.
372
And I think when you find yourself in a place where you're experiencing peer pressure,
373
The first step is to analyze whether or not you even really enjoy being around the people that are peer pressuring you.
374
That's the first thing to ask yourself.
375
And I think most of the time you're going to discover, wait a minute.
376
I don't even really think these are good people to be around.
377
I don't think these are good influences on me, but maybe you're allowing yourself to be peer pressured.
378
Like maybe no one's really even pressuring you.
379
to do anything, but rather you are almost pressuring yourself in a way.
380
Like for example, you're at a party, somebody comes up and says, Hey, do you want a drink?
381
And you say, yeah, because you don't want to kill the vibe.
382
When in reality, if you would have said, Oh no, thanks.
383
They would have been like, Oh yeah, no problem.
384
You see what I'm saying?
385
So the first step is to figure out if it's you or if it's the environment,
386
are you pressuring yourself based on your peers or are your peers literally pressuring you?
387
Okay.
388
That's step one.
389
And then step two, I think is finding confidence in certainty in who you are
390
and what you want to do with yourself, you know, and finding confidence in that in some way.
391
And that's challenging.
392
I would say the way that I've done that in my life is through experimenting in a way,
393
you know, kind of testing the waters in moments when
394
I might feel sort of peer pressured in some way to do something.
395
I've taken small steps over time to sort of fight against it
396
and be like no i don't want to drink or no i don't want to
397
dress like you guys or no i don't want to be friends with these people or no, I don't want to have a crush on the same guy as all of you, you know, whatever it might be.
398
Like I've slowly but surely practiced being honest and not succumbing to the pressure.
399
And over time, what I've discovered is that only good things come from it.
400
Either one, I find out
401
that someone I'm hanging around with is probably not a good influence on me
402
and they're not a good friend and I don't really want to be friends with them anymore.
403
Or I discover, wait a minute, this person actually respects me even more now because I have a different point of view.
404
I'm at a place now where I think it's cooler when I see someone not succumb to peer pressure.
405
You know, when someone says, eh, that's not my thing.
406
I don't want to do that.
407
Or I don't like that or whatever it might be.
408
Like, that's cool to me.
409
Like, when I see that from across the room, I see someone stand firm in themselves.
410
I'm like, fuck, that's cool.
411
Like, I think it's cool.
412
It's really overall a positive thing.
413
It either weeds out the fakes or it grows respect for you in others.
414
And most importantly, it also helps you build respect for yourself.
415
Now, this is one of those scenarios where it's like, what came first, the chicken or the egg, right?
416
Did the self -respect that you developed help you fight peer pressure or did you develop self -respect through combating peer pressure?
417
I think it's a combination of both.
418
I think you need a little bit of self -respect and a little bit of confidence to start
419
standing up for yourself and standing firm in what you want to do.
420
But then I think what comes once you start doing
421
that is even more self -respect and self -confidence because you start to realize,
422
wow, this actually makes people appreciate me even more.
423
And I get to just be myself and do what I want to do with my life.
424
And it's only making my relationships higher quality and my life higher quality.
425
What a beautiful thing.
426
Another scenario is doing things out of competitiveness.
427
Now this is one of the examples of not living for you that's interesting
428
because it's not like a person is the root of the issue.
429
It's not like there's one person or even a handful of people
430
that are causing you to not live for you and to instead live for them.
431
This is one of those scenarios that are more complex because you're living for a thing more.
432
I don't, how do I even explain it?
433
Well, I'll just try my best.
434
Sometimes we can live to win instead of living for ourselves.
435
We can live to be the best instead of living for ourselves.
436
Because living to win in some way doesn't mean being happy.
437
It just means being the best.
438
Now that means something different for everyone.
439
What the best means is different for everyone.
440
It might have something to do with fame.
441
It might have something to do with wealth.
442
status, whatever, but living to win is not living for you because usually it makes you unhappy.
443
And the whole point of living for you is to try to live the most enjoyable, fulfilling, rewarding life you can.
444
Now we live in a pretty competitive society.
445
Everybody's competing to go to the best college.
446
Everybody's competing to get the best job.
447
Everybody's competing to make the most money.
448
Everyone's competing to be the most famous.
449
Some of us see life as a competition and we want to be the richest,
450
most famous, most respectable person we possibly can be.
451
And sometimes out of the desire to feel.
452
like a winner, or to feel better than others.
453
You may take shortcuts or hurt people on the way to reaching some sort of higher status.
454
If you believe that these things have value, these things being, you know, fame, wealth, money, status, whatever.
455
And that's what I mean by not living for you.
456
Like living for you means doing things that align with you morally, doing things that make you feel good.
457
But when you're living to win, you might take shortcuts.
458
You might hurt people on the way to the top because you're living just to win.
459
My dad and I were actually talking this morning about how he never chose a high -paying job
460
because those jobs never allowed him to have any flexibility in his schedule.
461
He was more focused on finding a job that gave him the schedule that would allow him to pursue
462
other things in life, whether that was creative endeavors or a stronger relationship with me,
463
he chose to make not a lot of money in exchange for a happier life
464
because out of everyone on the planet that I know,
465
my dad lives for him and to him being,
466
you know, the wealthiest brother out of his three brothers,
467
being the wealthiest guy on the block in our neighborhood didn't matter to him because to him,
468
happiness and fulfillment was the number one priority.
469
And so he was living for him by choosing not to work a higher paying job
470
so that he could have flexibility in his life, even if it meant that he had to sacrifice other things.
471
And I think he's a great example of not living to win
472
because the truth is living to win a lot of times makes you lose because you aren't as fulfilled in your life.
473
Living for you is winning.
474
Doing what you want to do is winning.
475
I don't want to be mistaken
476
when I say people who live in a state of competitiveness are living to win and be taken literally because
477
somebody who's in that mindset believes that they're living to win when in reality they are not.
478
Does that make sense?
479
I'm not saying that I believe that that is how you win in life.
480
I'm saying that that is what is believed by the person with that mindset.
481
I think competitiveness can make you blind to your own morals at times, whether it's something small,
482
like kicking someone's leg in a soccer game and like breaking their knee on purpose because you're feeling competitive or it's,
483
you know, creating a business and treating your employees like shit, like whatever it might be.
484
I think a lot of people can turn a blind eye to their morals
485
when they're feeling competitive because it just makes you blind sometimes.
486
I think if you're in a place where you're sort of living in this competitive space and you're not living for you,
487
you're living to win, the only thing you can do to sort of turn that off is to really,
488
really work on your priorities.
489
And it's so hard because shifting your priorities,
490
oh, it's fucking tough and I don't judge people who are living in a competitive mindset.
491
Listen, there's a priority imbalance, but it's something that's challenging to fix.
492
And so in a lot of ways,
493
I feel for people who are experiencing this specific scenario because it's so hard to turn off.
494
And we've sort of been conditioned to see wealth in status
495
and fame and fortune as being something that signifies winning in life, that makes you feel fulfilled,
496
that makes you feel whole in some way.
497
And the truth is it doesn't do that.
498
It's shockingly less fulfilling than you would expect.
499
And a lot of people who are living in this mindset will find that out the hard way.
500
And it would have been much easier.
501
to make decisions based on what was going to make you feel most fulfilled.
502
Now, it's also complicated because maybe going to a prestigious college will actually make you feel fulfilled.
503
Maybe that is living for you.
504
Maybe getting a really challenging job is what will make you the most happy.
505
Maybe, but I think there's a lot of people who push towards those things When in reality,
506
those aren't the things that are actually going to make them happy.
507
Next, I think a lot of us feel the pressure to live life a certain way because
508
we experience a lot of societal pressures telling us how to live our lives.
509
Okay, we go to school, we go to college, we get a job, we get married, we have kids,
510
we die and it's picture perfect and everyone's happy and life goes on.
511
Well, no, I guess life doesn't go on because you die after that point.
512
And I think a lot of us feel the pressure to live to accomplish that specific goal.
513
I think a lot of us feel the pressure to live to fill that mold.
514
And as much as I think there is some value to that trajectory, it's kind of like the obvious trajectory,
515
you know, as much as I think
516
that it can be valuable for some people and it can be a positive experience and a positive path for people, I think that
517
it can also be damaging to an extent because we're sort of trained to believe that if we don't follow that trajectory, that we failed.
518
And there are going to be a lot of people who
519
truly live life for themselves and follow this trajectory because it's the obvious way to go.
520
It's the comfortable way to go at times.
521
And it can be a really fulfilling way to go, right?
522
But I think the key to having a healthy relationship with
523
this societal pressure to to follow the life trajectory is to put it into context.
524
Like, yes, this is a generic, possibly very positive mold to follow, but it's optional.
525
I feel like a lot of us look at it as mandatory, but the truth is it's optional and we can mold it
526
and change it and do it a little different to make it our own.
527
We could throw the whole thing in the trash and go a complete opposite direction, yeah, it's a decent guideline to have there,
528
but it basically means nothing and you can do whatever you want.
529
I think once you have that perspective on it
530
and you can look at it as something that's just an example of how you can live your life, just an example, it's not a rule book,
531
it's not even a guideline, it's just an example.
532
If you can look at it like that, then I think you can appreciate it for what it does offer, you know, because like there are things about it that are,
533
I mean, it's so simple.
534
It's like the, the sort of trajectory is so simple.
535
It's like school, college, work, family die, right?
536
That seems so simple.
537
It doesn't seem that hard to follow, but there are some people who don't want to go to
538
college where there are some people who don't want to get married.
539
There are some people who want to get married later in life.
540
There are some people who want to have kids later in life, adopt kids later in life.
541
There are some people who just want to have dogs instead of having kids, whatever.
542
There are some people that want to graduate early from high school like I did
543
and do something completely random with their life.
544
You know what I mean?
545
I'm able to now see the value in this example
546
because I'm not looking at it as a mandatory guideline in my life.
547
I think there's a lot of resentment that grows towards this sort of mold
548
because a lot of us feel pressure to fit ourselves into it.
549
But I think once you can just look at it simply as an example.
550
you can actually healthily analyze it as an option and figure out what you really want to do for you.
551
Because once you look at it as just an example, you can decide whether or not it works for you
552
or how you can tweak it to make it work for you or how you can go in a completely different direction.
553
And I know that...
554
Sometimes it's more than just a societal pressure to follow that trajectory.
555
I mean, as we mentioned earlier, the familial pressures can definitely relate here because a lot of times our families will tell us, well, when are you getting married?
556
Where are you, when are you going to college?
557
When are you going to have a kid?
558
You know, um, and that complicates things,
559
but it's a process of reframing the way we look at societal pressures
560
and instead of looking at them as a mandatory mold, instead, just looking at them as an example, that's it.
561
It's a matter of unlearning this societal pressure completely and realizing that it means nothing.
562
And that's really challenging because when something has been shown to you since you were a child in movies, in real life, et cetera,
563
it can be so hard to then unlearn it because it's just been a part of your life forever.
564
It's so hard to unlearn something that's been in your mind since you were a child, but it can be done.
565
And I did it.
566
It was challenging though, because I was so dead set on like fulfilling this trajectory.
567
School, college, job, kids, family, whatever, die.
568
And I ended up not going to college.
569
You know, I have kind of an unusual job that's not like a traditional job job, I would like to have kids and have a family,
570
but that's kind of the only part of the trajectory that I stuck to traditionally.
571
Right.
572
And there was a lot of doubt when I was going off track a little, because I was like, this is risky.
573
Like, this is scary.
574
This is bad.
575
I'm like, you know, I'm going to get screwed over it, like one false move and I'm gonna get screwed over.
576
The truth is that's not really true.
577
Like you're gonna be okay.
578
You don't need to go to a four year college to succeed in life.
579
I feel like we're taught from a young age that if we don't sort of follow this guideline perfectly,
580
that we're gonna just end up with zero dollars in the bank account, you know, and, and listen, that's possible.
581
Don't get me wrong, but you can totally make shit work.
582
Like you can make it work no matter what you don't
583
need to go to a four -year college to succeed in life.
584
You don't need to have kids to feel fulfilled in life.
585
I mean, there's so many different ways to live life.
586
And last but not least, living for the internet.
587
I saved this for last because I love talking about the internet.
588
It's my favorite topic.
589
a lot of us are living for the internet.
590
Okay.
591
A lot of us.
592
And listen, I'm guilty of this.
593
I am guilty of this.
594
When I used to film my day -to -day life for YouTube, I found myself living for the internet, not living for me.
595
I found myself doing things for the sake of a video, doing things for the sake of Instagram.
596
I was not living for me.
597
I was living for the internet.
598
I think we feel a pressure to present ourselves in a certain way on the internet
599
because it's such a powerful way to represent our personalities.
600
But I think when this can turn sour is when we're participating in activities that are not organic to us.
601
We're not doing things that we would normally do.
602
We're doing things just for the sake of how it will look online.
603
You know, for example, people will go on vacations just for the sake of social media.
604
People will hang out with people that they don't even really like just for the sake of social media.
605
I mean, this is probably more prevalent with people who consider themselves to be influencers,
606
whatever that means anymore, says me, but whatever.
607
But I think it's prevalent across the board.
608
And I think the key to turning that off is to make it a rule in your mind that.
609
You will live for you first, live for the phone, and live for the camera second.
610
Every time you do something that you're going to document,
611
ask yourself, am I doing this for me or am I doing this for the camera?
612
because it is not fun to live a fake life for the internet.
613
It is not fun because there have been moments when I've done things just for the sake of Instagram.
614
Like I've worn a certain outfit and gone to a certain park just for the sake of Instagram to get a photo.
615
There have been times when, you know, I've ordered a fancy,
616
like, aesthetically pleasing food item at a restaurant for the sake of Instagram.
617
Now, these are not things I've done that many times, but I've definitely done it before.
618
I had a phase in my life when I definitely did that.
619
And I would say now I'm happily in a place where I live for me first and for the camera a second.
620
And there are still things that are fun to document and
621
that are beautiful to look at and that are exciting to see.
622
They might not be as aesthetically pleasing.
623
They might not be as perfect, but they're a true representation or a truer representation of my life.
624
And they don't get in the way of me living my life.
625
Like I'm living my life for me first, not for the phone first, not for the camera first.
626
And that makes life so much more enjoyable because it's
627
so much more enjoyable to go out and have a picnic with foods that you really like, even if that's a fucking smucker's uncrustable.
628
Okay.
629
Not very aesthetic, but it's so much more enjoyable to go out and, and do that than to go out and buy foods that are overpriced that you didn't even really,
630
you don't even really like anyway, just for an Instagram photo.
631
And that's the goddamn truth.
632
that's all I have for today.
633
Living for you.
634
It's a lot easier said than done.
635
And I struggle with this to this day, and I will probably struggle with this on and off for the rest of my life.
636
But I think just being aware of it and being mindful of it is a really, really impactful thing.
637
So that's all we have for today.
638
Thank you so much for listening and hanging out.
639
I really, as always appreciate it so much.
640
And I love the time that we spend together.
641
And I love the time that we just get to hang and talk.
642
It is such a pleasure.
643
And if you want to tune in to future episodes, new episodes, every Thursday and Sunday,
644
you can follow Anything Goes on Instagram at Anything Goes or on Twitter at AG Podcast.
645
You can follow me at Emma Chamberlain on Instagram.
646
you can check out my coffee company Chamberlain Coffee I didn't really drink any of my coffee today
647
I don't know why just like
648
well I did it as my third today so maybe I'm just kind of slowing down but anyway
649
you can check out my coffee company chamberlaincoffee .com at chamberlaincoffee on Instagram
650
delicious coffee I mean cute little accessories check it out.
651
If you like coffee or tea, you can also use code AG 15 for a little discount, special anything goes listener and discount.
652
Okay.
653
Whatever.
654
Um, and that's all I have to discuss today.
655
Thank you again for hanging out.
656
I love and appreciate all of you very, very much and can't wait to talk in a few days.
657
All right.
658
TTYL talk to you later.
📺 ช่องเดียวกัน
B2finding comfort in yourself, advice session
American AccentBusiness EnglishTeensDaily Conversation
B216
existential crisis, advice session
American AccentTeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B12
my quiet morning routine and other things i like rn
American AccentTeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B28
lower your expectations about people
American AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B29
friendship breakups and boundaries, advice session
American AccentTeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B28
never say never
American AccentBusiness EnglishTeensDaily Conversation
B21
social life, success, and sleep
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B25
a talk with kendall jenner
American AccentTeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B27
bittersweet
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2i feel like my life is boring and it scares me
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2its not about not caring
American AccentBusiness EnglishTeensDaily Conversation
✨ วิดีโอแนะนำ
B23
114 ประโยค
why doesn’t life feel the same anymore?
American AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B2339 ประโยค
mastering self concept: you don't get what you want. you get who you are.
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
138 ประโยค
Maybe it's time to leave Stockholm.
American AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B26
468 ประโยค
English Podcast For Easy English Conversation | Are You Living Your Dreams | Learn English Fast
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2294 ประโยค
Why You Feel Lost When Your Life Is Actually Fine
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
217 ประโยค
6 Steps To Reclaim Your Life, Start Today
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B25
120 ประโยค
To Anyone Feeling Lonely
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
122 ประโยค
I don’t understand what we’re living for
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
601 ประโยค
you need to get comfortable being uncomfortable | ep 9
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
74 ประโยค
Why I Choose to Live a "Boring" Life
American AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B2136 ประโยค
Are you making yourself miserable?
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
คำศัพท์และข้อสังเกตด้านการพูดสำหรับบทเรียนนี้
วิดีโอนี้มี 658 ประโยค และ 8332 คำ สำหรับฝึกพูดตาม ช่วงที่มีเสียงพูดยาว 58:35 ผู้พูดพูดด้วยความเร็วสม่ำเสมอ ประมาณ 142 คำต่อนาที เหมาะกับการฝึกพูดตาม 87% ของคำอยู่ใน 3,000 คำที่ใช้บ่อยที่สุดในภาษาอังกฤษ คำศัพท์จึงตามได้ง่าย
คำศัพท์สำคัญในวิดีโอนี้
คำที่ควรเรียนรู้ 15 คำจากวิดีโอ พร้อมคำอ่านและความหมาย:
| คำศัพท์ | คำอ่าน | ความหมาย |
|---|---|---|
| scenario คำนาม | /sɪˈnɛəɹioʊ/ | ฉากทัศน์ |
| trajectory คำนาม | /tɹəˈd͡ʒɛktəɹi/ | วิถี |
| climb คำกริยา | /ˈklaɪ̯m/ | ปีน, ขึ้น |
| enjoyable คำคุณศัพท์ | /ɛnˈd͡ʒɔɪ.ə.bl̩/ | สนุก |
| mold คำนาม | /moʊld/ | รา |
| priority คำนาม | /pɹaɪˈɒɹɪti/ | สิทธิไปก่อน, ความสำคัญ |
| compete คำกริยา | /kəmˈpiːt/ | แข่ง, แข่งขัน |
| discover คำกริยา | /dɪˈskʌvə/ | ค้นพบ |
| fame คำนาม | /feɪm/ | ชื่อเสียง, ศักดิ์ศรี |
| trap คำนาม | /tɹæp/ | กับ, กับดัก |
| lonely คำคุณศัพท์ | /ˈloʊnli/ | เหงา |
| crush คำกริยา | /kɹʌʃ/ | บด, ขยี้ |
| analyze คำกริยา | /ˈæn.əˌlaɪz/ | วิเคราะห์ |
| loneliness คำนาม | /ˈloʊnlinəs/ | ความเหงา |
| ignore คำกริยา | /ɪɡˈnɔː/ | เมิน |
กริยาวลีที่คุณจะได้ยิน
| คำศัพท์ | ความหมาย |
|---|---|
| go out คำกริยา | ออก, ออกไป |
| turn off คำกริยา | ปิด, ดับ |
ไวยากรณ์ในวิดีโอนี้
โครงสร้างที่ผู้พูดใช้บ่อยที่สุด พร้อมคำพูดจริงจากวิดีโอ:
| โครงสร้าง | ในวิดีโอ |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + กริยาช่อง 3 — เหตุการณ์ในอดีตที่ยังเกี่ยวข้องกับปัจจุบัน | have been · I've realized · I've experienced |
| Passive voice be + กริยาช่อง 3 — เน้นสิ่งที่เกิดขึ้น ไม่ใช่ผู้กระทำ | is trapped · will be damaged · were concerned |
| Relative clauses who / which + อนุประโยค — ข้อมูลเพิ่มเติมเกี่ยวกับคนหรือสิ่งของ | later, which is · anyone who doesn · people who live |
การออกเสียงที่ควรระวัง
ผู้พูดใช้รูปย่อและรูปลดเสียง 250 ครั้ง เช่น you're, don't, I'm ให้พูดแบบสั้นตามที่ได้ยิน
- เสียง “th”: aesthetic /ɛsˈθɛ.tɪk/, feather /ˈfɛðə/
- เสียง “sh” และ “zh”: expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, crush /kɹʌʃ/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, representation /ˌɹɛp.ɹə.zɛnˈteɪ.ʃən/, optional /ˈɑp.ʃə.nəl/
- คำยาว — ลงเสียงหนักให้ถูกพยางค์: trajectory /tɹəˈd͡ʒɛktəɹi/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, priority /pɹaɪˈɒɹɪti/, mandatory /ˈmæn.dəˌtɔɹ.i/, participate /pɑːˈtɪs.ɪ.peɪt/
วิธีฝึกกับวิดีโอนี้
- ฟังวิดีโอให้จบหนึ่งรอบโดยยังไม่ต้องพูด แล้วจดคำที่ยังไม่รู้จัก
- พูดตามทีละประโยคด้วยความเร็วปกติ ทำซ้ำแต่ละประโยคจนจังหวะของคุณตรงกับผู้พูด
- อัดเสียงตัวเองแล้วเทียบกับต้นฉบับ โดยสังเกตคำอย่าง scenario, trajectory, climb เป็นพิเศษ
เทคนิค Shadowing คืออะไร?
Shadowing เป็นเทคนิคการเรียนรู้ภาษาที่ได้รับการรับรองทางวิทยาศาสตร์ พัฒนาขึ้นสำหรับการฝึกนักแปลมืออาชีพ วิธีการนี้เรียบง่ายแต่ทรงพลัง: คุณฟังเสียงภาษาอังกฤษจากเจ้าของภาษาและพูดตามทันที — เหมือนเงาที่ตามผู้พูดด้วยช่วงเวลาห่าง 1-2 วินาที การวิจัยแสดงว่าเทคนิคนี้ปรับปรุงความแม่นยำในการออกเสียง ทำนองเสียง จังหวะ การเชื่อมเสียง การฟังเข้าใจ และความคล่องแคล่วในการพูดได้อย่างมีนัยสำคัญ