ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: What Actually Drives Attraction (According to Psychology)
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176 ประโยค
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A lot of times people talk about attractiveness.
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As though it is the same thing as how we look.
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And yes, looks matter in attraction, but they are just one piece of the pie.
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I want to talk today about the rest of the pie.
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All of the factors driving attraction that are not physical but are more psychological and to do with connection.
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If somebody has looks and does not have the rest of these things, that attraction is going to die pretty quickly.
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I'm Dr. Thomas with you and I'm a clinical psychologist.
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I also wrote a book on psychology and dating.
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So really attraction is the continuously updating process.
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of moving closer to somebody else.
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physically, emotionally, and in conversation.
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The more connected we become to somebody, the more attractive we think they are.
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when you find yourself in a social setting and you got to interact with people, You can't say, "Okay, pause.
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I'm going to go make myself way more physically appealing." But what you can do is,
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I'm in this moment, I can remember all the things that drive psychological attractiveness and connection.
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And I can make sure to do those now.
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Show those sides of myself.
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What we're really trying to do is allow people to see who we are.
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so that they can appreciate our attractive traits.
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So let's get into these factors one by one that research has found makes us more attractive.
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One of the most powerful drivers of attraction and being happy in our connections with somebody is if they are warm.
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if they're kind, generous, caring, thoughtful.
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In the old days, this is maybe the 70s, These researchers used to go out with cameras,
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hidden cameras, trying to understand in like bars and nicobs and stuff,
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how did people actually find each other and start to connect.
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Like what signals were they sending?
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And what they found, a lot of the earliest signals were signals of safety.
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They were saying, "I am not threatening." We might feel stranger anxiety around people we don't know.
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but most other people do too.
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And if we send enough warmth signals initially, it helps people calm down and feel safe.
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We're not going to attack or criticize them.
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People need to feel safe enough in order to be sharing more vulnerable things with you.
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or to move physically closer to you.
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And that is literally attraction.
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So the reason that kindness is literally attractive is because it makes us feel safe to be vulnerable with somebody.
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That is a reason why this is such a strong predictor of satisfaction when we do get into relationships.
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So, we meet someone early on, we are signaling Hey, not only are we easy to connect with now, we'll be good to be in a relationship with in the future.
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So I remember taking a...
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psychology, sort of like a personality test when I was younger.
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where they would list what your strengths were.
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- And one of mine was kindness.
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And I remember at the time being like, that's my strength.
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That's a lame strength.
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No one cares about that.
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Anyways, I then learned because I went through relationships.
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And so I got to experience how painful it is to connect with people that aren't kind.
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As a result, kindness became my number one personality psychology trait that I was looking for.
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And I understood why in so much of the research
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that shows up as being the number one most important trait for people.
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Talking things like kindness, generosity, caring, thoughtfulness.
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This gets a bit of a bad reputation where people think of it as being nice and that nice is somehow unattractive.
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And that is not because warmth itself is unattractive, it's not, it's very attractive.
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But it is because it's not being mixed with assertiveness or self fidelity.
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So if we are being warm in a way that is giving up ourselves,
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where we are losing our own boundaries or we're giving too much, then that can be problematic.
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The next driver of attraction is self -disclosure.
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Revealing more of who we are.
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So showing and telling people who we are.
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This is In some ways, literally the process of connecting.
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So when we don't know somebody, we're really far away.
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The act of self -disclosure is where we share more about who we are.
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We share our stories, we share our opinions, we start to show our emotions, like our feelings.
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The more that we reveal, we take these steps closer.
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And when we do that, the act of self -disclosing...
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The other person finds us more attractive.
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I see this in therapy all the time where People protect themselves too much and then don't reveal enough,
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which means the other person doesn't really have a chance to get to know them and it stops that attraction connection process.
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The more that we reveal of who we are, the more potential connection points we give people.
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And what also tends to happen?
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If we self -disclose more, it triggers the other person to feel safe enough that they can also self -disclose as well.
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As long as we balance out, Both sides of this, people really like self -disclosure.
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They really like...
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Us paying attention when they talk about themselves, but they also like to know us.
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Really the biggest factors in in people's happiness within a connection is how responsive the other person is to them.
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Meaning, If they are talking about what's going on with them...
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Are we there with them?
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Like are we paying attention?
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Are we getting it?
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Are we responding and we're reacting?
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If someone's mood shifts, Do we notice it?
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Do we care?
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Do we know the person really is what this is getting into?
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One of the biggest predictors of happiness with a connection.
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is feeling known.
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It also predicts attraction and then desire as well the more we feel that kind of connection, it actually increases our attraction to somebody.
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If you see them not really react or underreact or they're on their phone and they sort of half respond, you get that like feels bad.
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It's disconnecting.
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It's unattractive. So, one really attractive.
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part of who we are, is we may well be responsive We may be good.
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at listening and trying to understand what somebody's talking about.
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When we convey we're really listening and we especially to the level of where we get the person.
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It's really attractive.
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If you have warmth...
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And if you're responsive to people, They feel good around you and then they want to be around you more often.
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Communication quality in general increases our attraction and desire for somebody.
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- And this is particularly true for women, but I think it's true for men too.
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If you wanna work on your ability
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to connect with confidence in dating scenarios than I'm going to do a workshop with Hope in the coming months.
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And if you join the newsletter in the link below, I will keep you up to date.
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And I'll also give you some information on just generally optimizing your social and psychological health.
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The next attraction driver I want to get into is honesty.
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And I mean that in a particular way.
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Okay, we know from research lying decreases Attraction?
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And honesty increases attraction.
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When somebody is honest, we feel safe around them.
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because we believe what they're telling us, and we believe that maybe they'll be safe to be around over the long term.
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When someone is honest, it's also a way of being courageous.
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We, a lot of times, will have to be honest, and say things that people aren't going to like A lot.
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When we choose to do that rather than keep it to ourself or like
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sacrifice or tell people what they want to hear.
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We are communicating both a belief in ourselves...
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A belief that we should be truthful and also the trust the other person can handle it.
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What we're trying to do here, we are trying to...
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Own who we are and express that
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so the person can actually know who we are
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and they can actually make a decision on whether they want to connect to us.
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We're saying, I think this, I believe this, but I don't need you to also think and believe that.
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And if we combine that with an interest in the other person... Where do they stand?
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What do they believe?
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And we can accept their position as well as accepting our position.
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That is very attractive and appealing.
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People feel connected to that.
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Another benefit of being honest, like knowing what you stand for, and being expressive about it.
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is that you will be drawing people to you who that is a good fit for.
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they will filter themselves in.
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And by being more expressive about it, you'll be repelling the people who don't agree with you.
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Matching up on values and worldviews is really important.
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The more we're clear about who we are, the better it's going to work out.
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The next driver of attraction I want to get into is reliability.
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This is not a flashy one.
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Do you do what you say you're going to do?
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If you're reliable, then I can rely on you. And that is appealing.
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That draws me closer.
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If you are reliable, then in the research, we find you are less likely to cheat in your relationships.
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You are assumed to be less likely to cheat, but you also are less likely to cheat.
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If you're reliable, that actually is related to long -term satisfaction.
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And it looks like the reason why is If there are problems, this is problems in the relationship.
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if you figure them out, you will put them into action.
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Right?
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So people that are more reliable and do what they say, they tend to learn from mistakes They tend to learn from resolving conflicts.
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And Learn in such a way that the things don't keep happening again and again.
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That is a really valuable trait.
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That's very attractive.
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If you were going to have a child with somebody which is a lot of the marker of what's attractive.
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then you probably want one that is reliable.
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The next driver of attraction I want to mention is a growth mindset.
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We are drawn to people who...
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Believe that they can grow.
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It doesn't matter so much where we are as where we have the potential to be
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and this comes out even in a specifically relationship growth beliefs.
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By this I mean...
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- When you meet somebody, do you have a sense of like, oh, we're either gonna work or we're not gonna work?
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Or do you have this belief that we can learn more about each other over time, we can learn how to adapt,
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we can build our relationship into something that works really well.
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If you have a growth mindset about relationships,
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then that predicts you will have better relationships and you will be happier longer with people.
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Makes sense, right?
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Because if you believe that you can learn and grow, you'll want to learn more about the other person.
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You want to figure out how can I work on this so that they are happier and I'm happier.
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If we have an interaction and a connection, where there is honesty, there's trust,
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there's expressiveness, there's warmth, where We are ourselves, the other person feels safe to be themselves.
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then that is attraction in action.
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That is connection being fostered.
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Even if it doesn't look flashy and eye -catching and the way we traditionally think about attractiveness.
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and look for whether you have any of these traits going for you, or these behaviors that we talked about today.
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You'll notice that a lot of the things we talked about are things that we can choose to do
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when we're around other people.
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That means we have some power
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and control over this what I find interesting about all this we're talking about attraction and how these traits
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are attractive because they really encourage the process of connection.
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- But what is interesting about the human brain is that when we are assessing looks,
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we're not just basing that on visual information.
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who somebody is how they behave, who they reveal themselves to be,
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That also influences our perceptions of how physically good looking they are.
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not just how much we like them, how physically good looking they are.
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If you want to learn more about this and see if maybe you are better looking than you realize, Watch this next video.
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บริบท & ข้อมูลพื้นฐาน
ในวิดีโอนี้ ดร.โธมัส ซึ่งเป็นนักจิตวิทยาคลินิกได้เสนอความรู้เกี่ยวกับแรงดึงดูดในความสัมพันธ์ระหว่างบุคคล โดยกล่าวว่าความน่าสนใจไม่ได้ขึ้นอยู่กับรูปลักษณ์เพียงอย่างเดียว แต่มันยังคลุกเคล้าด้วยปัจจัยทางจิตวิทยา และการเชื่อมโยงที่เกี่ยวข้องกับความอบอุ่น ความใส่ใจ และความเป็นมิตร การสร้างความปลอดภัยในความสัมพันธ์ ถือเป็นสิ่งสำคัญที่ทำให้คนรู้สึกสบายใจและสามารถเปิดเผยตัวตนต่อกันได้อย่างแท้จริง
5 วลีที่สำคัญสำหรับการสื่อสารประจำวัน
- "คุณทำให้ฉันรู้สึกปลอดภัย" - สื่อสารถึงการสร้างความไว้วางใจ
- "ฉันชอบความใจดีของคุณ" - แสดงความชื่นชมในคุณสมบัติของอีกฝ่าย
- "เราสามารถเชื่อมโยงได้แค่ไหน?" - กระตุ้นการสนทนาเกี่ยวกับการเชื่อมต่อ
- "คุณมีความคิดที่ดีมาก" - ให้กำลังใจและสร้างปฏิสัมพันธ์ที่เป็นบวก
- "เรามีหลายอย่างที่คล้ายกัน" - สร้างความรู้สึกของการมีส่วนร่วม
วิธีการฝึกพูดตามแบบเรียงลำดับ
เพื่อให้การเรียนภาษาอังกฤษจากยูทูปโดยการใช้ ชาโดว์อิ้งภาษาอังกฤษ มีประสิทธิภาพ คุณสามารถทำตามขั้นตอนนี้:
- ฟังและทำความเข้าใจ: เปิดวิดีโอนี้และรับฟังเพื่อเข้าใจบริบทและความรู้ที่เสนอ
- แยกวลีที่สำคัญ: หมายถึงวลีที่สื่อถึงความอบอุ่นและการเชื่อมโยง เช่น ที่กล่าวข้างต้น
- ฝึกพูดตาม: ทำการ shadow speaks โดยการนิ่งและพูดตามในขณะที่ฟัง ให้ความสนใจในน้ำเสียงและการเน้นคำ
- บันทึกเสียงตัวเอง: เพื่อให้เห็นพัฒนาการ คุณสามารถบันทึกเสียงของคุณขณะพูดตามและเปรียบเทียบกับเสียงในวิดีโอ
- รีวิวและปรับปรุง: ฟังการบันทึกเสียงของตัวเองเพื่อระบุจุดที่ควรปรับปรุง และนำสิ่งที่ได้เรียนรู้ไปใช้ในชีวิตประจำวัน
การใช้เทคนิค ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษ ผ่าน shadowspeaks จะช่วยให้คุณพัฒนาทักษะการพูดได้อย่างรวดเร็ว พร้อมสร้างความมั่นใจในตัวคุณเอง
ไวยากรณ์ในวิดีโอนี้
โครงสร้างที่ผู้พูดใช้บ่อยที่สุด พร้อมคำพูดจริงจากวิดีโอ:
| โครงสร้าง | ในวิดีโอ |
|---|---|
| ประโยคเงื่อนไข if + อนุประโยค, will/would + กริยา — เงื่อนไขและผลลัพธ์ | if you figure them out, you will put |
| Passive voice be + กริยาช่อง 3 — เน้นสิ่งที่เกิดขึ้น ไม่ใช่ผู้กระทำ | are assumed · are drawn · being fostered |
| Relative clauses who / which + อนุประโยค — ข้อมูลเพิ่มเติมเกี่ยวกับคนหรือสิ่งของ | people who we · people who don · somebody which is |
เทคนิค Shadowing คืออะไร?
Shadowing เป็นเทคนิคการเรียนรู้ภาษาที่ได้รับการรับรองทางวิทยาศาสตร์ พัฒนาขึ้นสำหรับการฝึกนักแปลมืออาชีพ วิธีการนี้เรียบง่ายแต่ทรงพลัง: คุณฟังเสียงภาษาอังกฤษจากเจ้าของภาษาและพูดตามทันที — เหมือนเงาที่ตามผู้พูดด้วยช่วงเวลาห่าง 1-2 วินาที การวิจัยแสดงว่าเทคนิคนี้ปรับปรุงความแม่นยำในการออกเสียง ทำนองเสียง จังหวะ การเชื่อมเสียง การฟังเข้าใจ และความคล่องแคล่วในการพูดได้อย่างมีนัยสำคัญ