Shadowing Practice: How Do You Heal From Trauma? | Unfiltered Stories - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Hi, my name is Cameron Michael
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and I am here today to tell my boyfriend Nicholas how my past traumas
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and experiences have been poorly affecting me in our relationship today.
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In the past, I was definitely not treated well by men, either in relationships or just men in my life.
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I have been abused sexually by a man.
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I just kind of always accepted that that's how it was.
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And I always knew that I deserved better and wanted better
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and now finally dating Nicholas I have gotten that
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and he's an amazing boyfriend
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But what's weird is I feel like I'm inadequate at times I'm worried
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that now that I am finally receiving the love
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that I've always wanted to receive
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that I feel like I'm not good enough for it I feel like
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if I mess up or if I'm imperfect in any way
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that I maybe won't deserve him and that he will leave
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So my secret is
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that I don't feel like I deserve good love I'm scared to tell him that I actually don't feel sufficient enough.
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I feel like there's a lot of other women
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and men in relationships similar to mine where they are finally accepting good love but feel like they don't deserve it.
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And I really wanted to maybe help some other people, give guidance, or maybe even just have them feel like they're not alone in this.
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We are boyfriend and girlfriend and we've been dating for about nine months now.
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We've met on Instagram.
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Shout out to IG.
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Shout out to Instagram.
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He's a photographer and I was modeling at the time.
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I wanted to do a photo shoot with her pretty much straight off the bat.
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She was my type.
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I didn't like him at first.
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Oh.
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We were just friends for like at least a month.
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I thought that he was too good to be true, so I was like, there must be something wrong with him.
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I was like, he's too nice, he's too funny, and too sweet to be like, normal.
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So there must be something wrong.
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Our first date was actually at this sushi spot.
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When you shoved chopsticks up your nose on the first date.
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See, this is where I thought that we were gonna be friends only, so I was like, oh, it's okay, I can be weird and shoved chopsticks up my nose.
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That's what made me really, really like you.
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Aw, that was a selling point.
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That was a selling point, yes. Where do I start?
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Well, I wanted to come here with you today because there's something that I haven't told you, even though we talk a lot about this kind of stuff.
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As you know, I've been through some things in the past, past traumas, other bad relationships,
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and I had never been fully treated right by a man, obviously other than my father, but in a romantic way until you.
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And as you know, I'm so grateful for that.
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But it's kind of affected me poorly in ways that I never had expected.
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I know that I've struggled with self-worth in the past after my molestation as a kid.
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I feel like I've overcome that a lot.
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I've really worked on it a lot, like I've told you before.
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I can totally see that you've worked on it.
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I have.
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But it's just like therapists and people always told me that after going through trauma like that,
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that you will continue maybe to meet other men that aren't going to treat you very well.
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Just after you accept that once, you keep accepting it.
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But now that I'm with somebody that treats me amazingly, and now that I'm with you, and I am not, like, prepared for it, I feel like.
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I got you.
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You're so worthy.
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Even though I tell you that, you might not think that of yourself, that you're so worth my time, my energy.
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You're just worth spending time with, and I enjoy every second of it.
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Thank you.
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I just wanted to, like, be open and tell you about it, just because it helps me to have you know.
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You know you can tell me anything.
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I know.
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In my other relationships, I always felt like I deserved better than them, just because they, even some of them, weren't horrible people.
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You know, I'm not going to say that all my exes were bad, but I always felt a lack of love and a lack of care and a lack of support there.
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People always have told me, told me, oh, you deserve somebody who treats you amazingly.
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And I accepted that, and I was like, yeah, you're right.
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And now that I'm here with somebody who does treat me amazingly, it's like I'm so unused to it.
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And it's so different from anything I've experienced
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that it's like kind of causing me to trip up and feel things that I've never felt before,
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caused by probably my traumas in the past and just insecurities and anxieties.
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Does that molestation affect anything?
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It's hard to tell how much it does, but I mean, I was pretty young too, so it's pretty much like formed me to who I am now.
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And you know, at a young age when that's happened to you, you kind of accept that men, you know, can have their way and abuse you and mistreat you.
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And even though you overcome it and you rise above it
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and you realize that that's not the case and
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that you're gonna stand up to anyone that tries to do anything similar to you,
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it makes you feel like an object and like something that has value solely based in perfection or beauty or sexiness.
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And it's really something
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that I've realized has been affecting me in this relationship where you deserve to have a woman that's like that, beautiful and amazing and sexy all the time.
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If you were perfect, then to me that's not so perfect.
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I don't want you to be perfect.
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I love your imperfections, your little imperfections.
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I just worry that like some of my imperfections might not be perfect for you, you know?
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Like what?
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Do you mind explaining?
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When we're on set or when we bicker, it's usually because I'm trying to control things or have OCD symptoms going on.
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I sometimes wonder how much of that you can handle.
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Well, I wonder the same thing too.
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How much can you handle when I do the same thing to you?
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Really?
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Yeah.
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Well, I can handle a lot.
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I can handle a lot too.
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I think it balances out.
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There's kind of something wrong if you're acting too sweet the whole time.
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But like what
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if I'm having a bad phase where it's really hard for me to move past the anxiety of messiness
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or not having a hold on everything in my life?
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I know that that affects you negatively at times.
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Not negatively.
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I understand.
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We talk about it.
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And sometimes you just need your space.
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I think I either should ask you if you want to talk or if you don't want to, that's fine.
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I know you'll come to me at some point.
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It's just about like communication.
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Yeah.
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I can tell when you're not feeling 100% yourself.
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I don't know if it's your facial expressions or the way you're moving, but I just, I can tell when something's like quit a little bit off.
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You're not like 100% the Cameron Michael.
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I want to help, but I know that you need your space at the same time.
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Are you shocked by what I told you or does it make sense?
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I'm a little shocked but yet it does make sense.
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It's funky because I do feel like I distance myself
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and I get quiet and I push you away but at the same time that's like when I need you the closest.
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I get that.
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It's really very contradictory.
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You know obviously I come off as a confident person
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and I like to have people think that I'm confident because I am sometimes.
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I just feel like a lot of the time though I'm not
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and I'm afraid that if you see that I'm a fairly insecure person a lot of the time.
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I don't want you to see me as somebody that thinks they're unattractive or somebody that thinks that they're less than worthy.
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I do push you away because I feel like maybe
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if I'm around you more and if I keep acting poorly around you, then the more you're going to see my flaws and that I don't want that, so I'd rather have you at a distance.
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But then at the same time, I need you to give me love and support
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and help me to get to a better phase and to get to a better mindset.
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Since my childhood trauma, I've kind of built up walls around myself.
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And a lot of the time I've put on a really strong front so that people don't see, you know, what's going on behind the wall.
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I like people to think that I'm confident because I feel that I have more worth when I'm a confident, strong person.
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And that when I drop that wall and when I show the insecurity and the vulnerability that it makes me weaker.
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I mean, being confident 24-7 is pretty difficult to do.
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You're not the only one experiencing this.
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Like, your parents have been together for 37 years.
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They know each other's flaws, and you can't just hide it for your whole life.
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At some point, it's gonna happen.
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Like, we're gonna talk about something, and then we're gonna find out something new about each other.
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You can't just hide it.
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I know, but there's still fear surrounding showing that to you.
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I get that.
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Yeah.
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When I see you not fully confident or insecure, I kind of feel how you feel in a way.
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I guess like this is kind of like where my fear about talking to you about this comes from.
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Do you feel like I'm less valuable to you when I'm insecure?
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Less valuable?
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Not at all.
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I still love you just as much.
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It's not like, I love you a little less when you're insecure, not at all.
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In fact, I want to love you even more.
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It just, it kind of hurts me to see you that way.
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And I want to help you, but I don't know if you're ready to talk about it yet.
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So it's not that you're hiding anything from me, it's just, are you ready to talk about it?
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I never mean for it to be like a secret, it's more of like something that I want to be ready to talk about with you.
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You know, obviously there's not much that you can like do or say that's gonna change it and that's okay, it's just like having you know that and be aware of it and you telling me,
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you know, that it's okay to show that to you, it just helps a lot.
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So I guess all
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that I ask for you is just keep doing what you're
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doing everyone talks a lot about you know you really deserve somebody
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that treats you right and that loves you and supports you properly
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but they don't talk about how sometimes when you're not used to receiving
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that how difficult it can be to receive it and
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if I can in any way help somebody that's feeling the same way
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that I am or that you are I mean that I would just make this so much better.
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Not only am I being helped and is our relationship being helped, but others as well.
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So glad that you told me that today.
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And I hope in the future you tell me what's on your mind and let me know if I'm doing anything wrong.
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And if I'm not, just tell me.
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And then I'll be there for you whenever you need me.
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Thank you for being receptive. Of course.
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Appreciate it.
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I love you.
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I love you more.
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Come here.
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I love you so much.
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Oh, my goodness.
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I was not prepared for that.
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Honestly, like, the biggest thing I'm feeling right now is just, like, relief.
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And I just feel so much better having, like, gotten it off my chest and opened up.
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Hearing how receptive he was and how sweet and supportive is, like, it's quite amazing.
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I didn't expect anything different, to be honest, because Nicholas is wonderful.
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But sometimes it can shock you, like, how many people will love and support you when you're going through something that you wouldn't expect.
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And that's really why I came here today to share this with you guys
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because I don't want to just help myself in my relationship with Nicholas, but if anyone else is keeping something in that they're feeling,
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whether it's involving mental health or something that they need to get off their chest, I just really want to encourage people to share that
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and to open up because you will be shocked by how many people will love and support you through it.
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And sometimes all you need is just to feel a little less alone in what you're experiencing, what you're feeling.
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Sometimes there's no big cure for anything except for conversation.
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And today that's really how I felt what I was sharing and talking with Nicholas about.
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It's not something that I think is going to be cured, but something that is going to be helped by open discussion and by feeling supported.
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And I hope that I can do the same for him as well.
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And all I want to do now is just keep living
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and loving him and supporting him and helping him to feel better as well.
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Mental health is one of those things that people don't like to talk about a lot but everyone struggles with.
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And if there's one thing that we can achieve today, it's to destigmatize that and make that more normal.
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I want this to be something that everyone can talk about with their friends without feeling ashamed or embarrassed.
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I mean earlier today I was feeling nervous
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and embarrassed about what I was going to share
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and as soon as I did I just felt so much comfort
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and love and support and it's This is not something
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that we should hide away from it's something
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that we should walk into grateful And if there's one thing
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that I can give you guys from my story that I shared with Nicholas today It's that you're not alone.
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Thank you so much and I love you
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 201 cümle ve 2474 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 12:12 sürüyor. Konuşmacı hızlı konuşuyor, dakikada yaklaşık 203 kelime; bu yüzden birbirine bağlanan ve zayıflayan sesler duyacaksınız. Kelimelerin %86’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında; geri kalanına başlamadan önce bakmakta fayda var.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodan öğrenmeye değer 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| trauma isim | /ˈtɹɔm.ə/ | travma, sakatlık |
| shock isim | /ʃɔk/ | şok |
| insecure sıfat | /ɪnsəˈkjʊɹ/ | emniyetsiz, güvensiz |
| anxiety isim | /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/ | kaygı, endişe |
| grateful sıfat | /ˈɡɹeɪtf(ə)l/ | minnettar, müteşekkir |
| cure fiil | /kjɔː/ | tedavi etmek, iyileştirmek |
| overcome fiil | /ˌəʊ.vəˈkʌm/ | yenmek, atlatmak |
| shout fiil | /ʃaʊt/ | bağırmak, haykırmak |
| flaw isim | /flɔ/ | çatlak, çizik |
| encourage fiil | /ɪnˈkʌɹ.ɪd͡ʒ/ | teşvik etmek, cesaretlendirmek |
| horrible sıfat | /ˈhɔɹ.ɪ.bəl/ | korkunç |
| sexy sıfat | /ˈsɛksi/ | seksi |
| comfort isim | /ˈkʌm.fət/ | konfor |
| guidance isim | /ˈɡaɪdəns/ | rehberlik, kılavuzluk |
| photographer isim | /fəˈtɑ.ɡɹə.fɚ/ | fotoğrafçı |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Anlam |
|---|---|
| find out fiil | anlamak, ortaya çıkarmak |
| get off fiil | inmek |
| stand up to fiil | kafa tutmak |
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — önceden başlayıp hâlâ süren bir eylem | we've been dating · has been affecting |
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | have been · have been abused · have gotten |
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | was definitely not treated · have been abused · being helped |
| İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi | somebody who treats · somebody who does |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı I'm, you're, don't gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 98 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “th” sesleri: worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: shock /ʃɔk/, shout /ʃaʊt/, shove /ʃʌv/, sufficient /səˈfɪʃənt/, facial /ˈfeɪ.ʃəl/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: amazingly /əˈmeɪzɪŋli/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, photographer /fəˈtɑ.ɡɹə.fɚ/, inadequate /ɪnˈædəkwɪt/, vulnerability /ˌvʌln(ə)ɹəˈbɪlɪti/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; trauma, shock, insecure gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.