Shadowing Practice: How to Keep the Conversation Going After “HOW ARE YOU?” - Learn English Speaking with Video

What's up, Global Citizens?

Welcome to another Real Life English lesson.

And today you're going to learn a simple step-by-step guide to keeping the conversation flowing in English

and avoid getting stuck after the infamous words, Hi, how are you?

And if you happen to be new here, hello, my name is Izzy.

I'm an English learner, just like you.

And after a decade of teaching English, I decided to join Ethan

and our other fluency coaches here who create these Real Life English lessons to share with you my first-hand experience,

my real-life experience, speaking English as a non-native.

Now, I feel fortunate for having made hundreds of friends in my life

and the many jobs that I had early in my career, and of all these people that I met, I was able to actually develop a friendship with them by doing the things that I'll talk about today,

by knowing how to keep the conversation flowing in English.

Let's get started.

So today we're addressing the biggest pain point that I know when it comes to developing communication skills in practice,

that is how to get past the how are you question, right?

And people get stuck because usually like the idea of small talk is exactly that, it's superficial, it's small.

But if you actually want to develop that into a real conversation, you need to go deeper, you need to get past that.

So how do you do that?

Well, as I was saying earlier, I think I'm a little bit of a conversationalist myself.

You know, I always find myself talking with different people and having these longer talks.

So I thought about sharing with you all that experience today.

And this is gonna happen in two steps.

So the first step is all about the magic of breaking the ice.

Now, the usual advice

that you find online breaking the ice comes in the form

of questions just like how are you how's your day going how's the weather

and I personally think these questions suck I gotta be honest

because all they do is put the listener

and yourself in a situation where you feel like I've been through these through these conversations

that they they're not going anywhere and it's not a good feeling

so it doesn't make you excited about what's coming and what's next

and in my experience if you just say something more honest more even surprising more authentic that's

so much better

and it doesn't need to be a question it could be a statement you know um

and it's also a moment of vulnerability when you just go ahead

and share something that's going on with you uh

or uh your opinion on something that you both are experiencing at that moment that makes it a lot more personal.

So I'm going to give you some examples here to make this a lot more concrete.

And the formula here, if there is any formula to this, as you meet this person, you're going to look around and just feel your feelings,

you know, about a certain fact of something that you're experiencing.

And then you're going to also think of what's your opinion about that fact.

Let me give you this example.

So I was at a party last weekend and I noticed that of the food that was available, the drinks and the food,

the sweet ones, none were sugar free.

Obviously, I mean, people normally don't care about that.

But right now I'm not eating sugar.

So naturally, you know, I felt that it's like, oh, man.

And when I feel things, usually when there's people around me, I sometimes use that for making conversation.

uh and that's something that you can do you know it's a fact

that there's no sugar-free options there that's a fact great what's your opinion about

that if you feel strongly about it you know so

if you just feel your feelings and

if you observe yourself uh what's going through your mind that's

great topics for conversation a lot of times right i feel like we don't share enough

so that's one example but i could give you more examples so when i was in portugal i was visiting

Lisbon and some other towns with Ethan and some friends from work.

I was, I remember being on the train by myself

when I was going to the airport back and there was a person sitting next to me that, you know, they didn't seem like unfriendly,

you know, so I just felt like giving it a try because I was impressed by the views, you know, everything that I was seeing.

And I didn't know that you could actually cross an entire country in just like one train ride practically, you know, so quickly and um that was a thought

that was running in my head i was like why not

share this with this person like out of nowhere you know

and i didn't even say hello

or anything i just looked at them it's like you know

like i didn't know you could cross the country in just a single day i said

that in portuguese i'm in portugal right and i'm brazilian

so i speak portuguese and then that was enough for opening up the conversation

because that's the point of this first step the the ice breaker

when done right is that it opens up the conversation and it helps you gain momentum

It helps you strike up a conversation the right way.

It's a nice phrase, by the way.

To strike up a conversation is exactly this, right?

It's kind of visual, like it's striking, you know?

So make it striking.

Make it unexpected and say something that feels honest and real.

Hey, guys.

Let me quickly interrupt this lesson to ask you a question.

Do you feel like you can understand what I'm saying, what Ethan says in these lessons, but you can't speak quite like we do?

You know that you can understand all the words but

when it's time for you to use them they don't come to you well

if that happens it's just

because all of these words they just exist in your passive vocabulary

so in order for you to transfer these words to your

active vocabulary you need to use them you need to practice

and that's why we created the real-life app

so you can master all the key expressions that useful expressions that we use in these lessons

in a way that's super convenient.

You can do it in 10 to 15 minutes a day.

And I want to invite you right now to try the app for free by clicking the link in the description below.

It'll take you directly to this lesson over there.

And I'll see you on the other side.

Let's move on now to the second step of this two-step guide.

Once you're past this first step, now you want to be an explorer.

I think this is so great, this whole mindset of being an explorer that it actually brought it to our lessons here with Ethan.

We were chatting about a year ago, I think, about how to make great lessons for you guys.

We work hard to create these.

And I realized maybe the mindset that I'm having here when Ethan is presenting something,

an idea of his or a story of his is wrong because who am I in this conversation?

And I noticed I need to be an explorer, right?

100

I need to be curious.

101

That's great value to have as well not just in conversation

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but like in any situation

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that could to be ready to learn you know to you may have your own convictions

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but what else you like what is something

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that you don't know about the person you're talking to

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or the situation so being an explorer imagine yourself exploring the territory just helps a lot

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and this is what you can do in a conversation once it opens up.

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You can ask all these questions.

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So for example, last year in December I went to a concert of this band that I'm a huge fan of, probably my favorite band called Dream Theater,

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it's a rock band, and I had never seen them live.

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So I actually flew to Rio, I'm nowhere close to Rio de Janeiro, I'm really far, it's like a three-hour flight I think,

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but I went there because it's like I don't know if I would have any other chance it's a

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it's a 30 year old band I think

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so I was in line waiting to get you know into the the concert hall

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and there are all these people there waiting with me now obviously in

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that kind of situation the topic for the conversation is easier right we're all there uh

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and I know there's one thing in common among all those people there right

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that is we like this band uh

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and by the way that's another really great thing about the first step

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that is you're sharing something

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that will make you feel more human to other persons to

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feel like they're more like you in the same sense

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that in the second step we are taking advantage of these similarities

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and these values we share these stories we share these experiences to connect even more

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so there's so many questions that i i you know i had to ask

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and topics to approach for example uh what song do you think you're going to play tonight?

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Like, what's your favorite song?

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And do you think you're going to play it?

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Or their drummer, the old drummer's back, you know, that's so amazing.

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There's like many stories and gossip around that too.

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Or even like traveling to the location of the show.

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For me, it was a very long trip, but I know other people there, they traveled by bus, you know, and it's just a huge adventure.

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And we shared our travel stories too.

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Or even when was your first show

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so you see there's this range of questions that you can ask

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that allow you to explore the territory the territory is the

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dream theater show great what is there to know about it

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what is there to know about this person in regards to

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that topic and the cool thing is also that you can connect

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topics from one to another and make the conversation just go really a different direction

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um you can say that's like going off on a tangent when you are like escaping that that uh

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known territory into something that was not planned right so do

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that it makes conversations great like that's one of the things

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that we love about podcasts right that

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when it's just like it doesn't follow a script

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and make a conversation like that oftentimes i think

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when we feel like oh man this conversation was

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so great i wish i had recorded it and made it into a podcast

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is exactly because you were just wildly exploring it, I would say, right?

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So that's my tip there when it comes to what you do after you break the ice.

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Now, if you want to think about a formula for this too, is you can ask questions.

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It's one thing.

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I just explain how to do it.

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Or you can just continue sharing more.

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And that'll allow them to ask you more questions, right?

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It's kind of like a game, but it's not a competitive game.

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You're not trying to impress this person, right if you actually try and press them you're going to be in your head

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so don't just when uh do you want to win playing this game be vulnerable that's winning

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so it's not a competitive game it's a collaborative game you share one thing

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that a person shares another thing and you just keep going

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and it's fun

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and by the time you're done you're just more close to this person maybe you've made a friend

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so this is what i do in most conversations i get into with strangers that i really want to to connect with.

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Now there's one thing that you need to be cautious when you get to this part of the conversation, that is, you don't wanna be too talkative, right?

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I mean, unless the other person is like listening and you feel they're engaged, we'll talk about that in just a little bit, how to really understand if the person is engaged.

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But in most cases, you want to make it more balanced, right?

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Like it's, again, it's collaboration in getting to know each other.

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So remember that you have two ears and one mouth, so we need to use them proportionally.

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That means maybe listen twice as much as you talk.

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But if you do that, the other person is going to be talking twice as much as they speak.

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So you see, but it's just like a mindset or principle to keep in mind

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that maybe it's more about the other person than it's about you. So principle.

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Before we continue, I just want to tell you that

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if you feel that your problem with having natural conversations in English is with either vocabulary that you don't have enough vocabulary,

175

that you don't know the words that you need to use, or that you're just simply afraid of speaking English, I'm going to be leaving links in the description below in the show notes to two lessons

176

that we have already created on these two separate topics.

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So click the link once you're done watching this lesson if you feel that these are issues that you usually go through.

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Now let's get into some frequently asked questions that I see a lot

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that I hear a lot from students from learners friends who are learning English

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they asked me these things and decided to compile all of these

181

and to start I have a question here from our producer

182

in the studio T Thiago he's an English learner just like you just like me

183

and he had this question how what can you do to

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not be in your head you know to not get anxious

185

and just like be thinking too much about what you want to say you know how's the other person viewing me?

186

What do they think of me?

187

All these questions that don't do anything for you.

188

How can you prevent that from happening?

189

Well, I think this is all about mindset.

190

I could give you formulas, right?

191

I could give you maybe exercises even,

192

but the best thing in my experience that you can do to change this is just like really stopping and just reflecting, thinking like, what am I doing here?

193

What's the point of this?

194

Am I trying to impress this person?

195

To be honest with yourself like

196

if you are why why do you care like why is

197

that so important

198

and that's going to allow you to change your convictions like

199

change what you the reason why you do things once you change

200

that everything else changes right once you connect to a different purpose of why we do things it's natural

201

that it'll allow you to just like

202

and change the way you behave it's much easier to change

203

the reality of things by changing your beliefs rather than just trying to force a certain action or behavior.

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So what is the mentality here?

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What is the mindset that you need to adopt?

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It's the one that we're just talking about is exploring.

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It's connecting over perfection, right?

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Connection over perfection.

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It's the idea that this person is a human being,

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just like you, that you are not the center of the universe also, right?

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That's why I was saying you have two ears, only one mouth, and make the other person the center of your universe, at least for that moment.

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And that'll be great because people love talking about themselves.

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So they'll feel like they're really connected with you.

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And they did.

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And you too, if you have empathy as well.

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That's even another question that I had saved here is I heard that if you are more empathic or empathetic, that's the key.

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And yeah, like once you learn what the person about what the person is going through, and if you already know, start the conversation from there.

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why not talk about the maybe even like the elephant in

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the room you know maybe you're going through something really difficult

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like a tough time talk about it first it address

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that they'll feel more respected you know and you also

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if there's something that you can help them by doing you can get into

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that too if you know if you don't know it'll feel like you don't care

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so I think empathy is huge if you know and

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if you don't know get to know

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and then you realize what you need to realize and about

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that another person asked me about active listening

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and they're asking me like how to develop active listening and

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if that's at all important for all of this

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and as we're saying yes it is important

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and what it means is being present is and it's something

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that you can change also with the mindset do you want to again do you want to impress this person

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or do you want to learn about them.

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Do you want to maybe prove that you're right if you're debating something?

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Or do you want to learn what this person, learn something new?

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So maybe you can grow a little bit with the conversation.

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When is it that you win?

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What's your victory status?

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Is it when you, in the case of an argument, like a debate, is it when you prove that you're right

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and you walk away not having learned anything or maybe

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that you're proven wrong but now you've grown you know just think about that

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and i think all these things help you shift from being

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in place where you just want to talk talk talk to a place where maybe let's listen

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and not just listen but pay close attention

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because i don't want to miss anything focus look in their eyes

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and the more you do it i think the more you become capable of it.

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And that's also connected to body language, right?

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Because if you're not looking at the person, you're just looking away, like right here, if I look away, if you're watching this lesson, like it's harder to connect with me, right?

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Because I'm like, I'm shy or something, look at the person who's just looking away, like right here, if I look away, if you're watching this lesson, like it's harder to connect with me, right?

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Because I'm like, I'm shy or something.

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Look at the camera, Izzy.

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Look at the person's eye.

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And that's the first step I would say of having really great body language.

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And there's an important thing that I would say that I was,

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I referred to this earlier about noticing when the other person wants to leave, they are not engaged, they don't care,

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or they have something that urgent that they need to do.

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If you have empathy, true empathy, just be aware.

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You could ask them literally, hey, do you need to be somewhere?

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I'm sorry.

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That's better because it will give them that chance, but you can see in their body language too.

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Maybe they're just like moving more than they should.

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They're feeling like restless when they're not rested.

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They're just agitated.

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Or maybe their body is pointing to another direction that's not you or their feet even.

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And you're not noticing these things because you're so into what you're saying.

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That's fine, I guess.

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But do you want to be that person?

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Would you want somebody to do that to you? and you don't want to be rude.

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So you stay there.

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Don't be that person.

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People like you more because of that, you know, and they'll respect you more.

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And that's what it's all about.

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And the final question that I have here is what is the most common mistake people make

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when trying to keep the conversation flowing?

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I've already touched on this.

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Like it was the very first thing I said, that is they started with how are you doing or how is it going when it was not necessary.

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If you just say it to be polite, but you already have what you want to share, great.

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But don't start without knowing what you wanted to say, what you want to talk about.

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If you're purposefully, like if you're deliberately trying to connect with somebody, you saw them at a party or something.

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My example was that there were no sugar-free options at the party, but maybe the music is loud.

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Maybe it's your vibe that you wish it was a cooler party, more chill.

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And if you see that a person is also has that vibe of like being more chill, maybe you could say it's like, hey, it's not my favorite type of party because it's like very loud.

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The music here and it's love to talk to people more.

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And then maybe they would say, you know, let's go to another place where we can actually talk

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and just feel your feelings and say what you want to say.

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But before you engage, know what you want to say, know how you're feeling, be aware.

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So that's the most common problem that I see is like people just start conversations without knowing what is it.

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They don't even know what's going on in their minds or their heart themselves.

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And you know what?

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I could go on and on about this topic.

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It's one of my favorites since I've started doing these lessons last year with Ethan and Xenia as well.

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it's become this passion of mine to learn more about myself

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and bring all that ability to just have conversation to casually talk with people bring

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that here in a way

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that also feels natural the point of these lessons is exactly

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to make them conversational casual just like we are in real life real life

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so you can experience all of this real life English too you know

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if if this was like a completely scripted and everything, it'd be difficult for me to actually come across as natural, right?

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And it's been a long journey, I would say, and changing my mindset,

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you know, so to become more authentic and not be in my head even.

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And all these things I said was because that's my experience.

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So it's not I wasn't born this way, right?

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This is something that you can actually develop.

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If you know, if you understand the concept of growth mindset, you know that, you know, I don't need to be innately skilled in things.

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Meaning you don't have to be like born with abilities.

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You develop them over time.

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You choose and you work on them.

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And that's it for today's lesson.

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Thank you so much for joining me. And

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if you haven't downloaded the real life app yet as I

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said earlier do it right now all of these lessons

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that we do here they come with so much vocabulary that

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if you master you can speak more like me like Ethan naturally

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and that's a great also I would say a great piece

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of advice for improving your conversation skills you need more vocabulary right

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if you don't know how to express yourself how are you going to do this

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so I didn't talk about this today

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because it wasn't the focus of the lesson it was implicit

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but please do if If you want to connect with people more, you can start right now by downloading the RealLife app and practicing with all the expressions they learned today.

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And as we say in all of our lessons, remember that no matter what divides us, that which unites us is far greater.

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1, 2, 3...

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AHHHHHH YEAH!

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Alright, picture this.

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You're in a big meeting at work.

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Everyone's talking fast.

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Ideas are flying around.

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Suddenly, your boss turns to you.

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What do you think?

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Your heart races.

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Your mind goes blank.

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You open your mouth, and words come out slowly, awkward, not quite what you meant.

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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları

Bu B2 seviyesindeki konuşma dersi “How to Keep the Conversation Going After “HOW ARE YOU?”” videosuna dayanıyor. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 330 cümle ve 4107 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 22:27 sürüyor. Konuşmacı hızlı konuşuyor, dakikada yaklaşık 183 kelime; bu yüzden birbirine bağlanan ve zayıflayan sesler duyacaksınız. Kelimelerin %89’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında, bu yüzden kelime dağarcığını takip etmek kolay.

Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler

Videodaki en ileri düzey 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:

Kelime	Telaffuz	Anlam
mindset isim	/ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/	düşünce tarzı, zihniyet
vocabulary isim	/vəˈkæb.jə.lə.ɹi/	kelime hazinesi, kelime kadrosu
empathy isim	/ˈɛmpəθi/	empati
explorer isim	/ɛkˈsplɔːɹə(ɹ)/	gezgin, araştırıcı
impress fiil	/ɪmˈpɹɛs/	etkilemek
vibe isim	/vaɪb/	ortam
perfection isim	/pɚˈfɛk.ʃən/	mükemmellik, mükemmeliyet
authentic sıfat	/ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/	gerçek, hakiki
podcast isim	/ˈpɑdˌkæst/	podcast
agitate fiil	/ˈæ.d͡ʒɪ.teɪt/	sarsmak
compile fiil	/kəmˈpaɪl/	derlemek
fluency isim	/ˈfluːənsi/	akıcılık
implicit sıfat	/ɪmˈplɪsɪt/	örtülü, üstü kapalı
talkative sıfat	/ˈtɔ.kə.ɾɪv/	konuşkan, şapır
tangent isim	/ˈtæn.d͡ʒənt/	teğet

Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller

Kelime	Telaffuz	Anlam
come across fiil		karşıdan karşıya geçmek
come out fiil	/ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/	çıkmak

Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler

Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:

What do they think of me?
How can you prevent that from happening?
Am I trying to impress this person?
What is the mindset that you need to adopt?
When is it that you win?

Bu videodaki dil bilgisi

Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:

Yapı	Videoda
Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem	I've been · you've made · have already created
Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli	is put · was impressed · was not planned

Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar

Konuşmacı you're, don't, I'm gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 115 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.

“th” sesleri: empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, authentic /ɔˈθɛn.tɪk/, empathetic /ˌɛmpəˈθɛtɪk/, empathic /ɛmˈpæθɪk/
“sh” ve “zh” sesleri: perfection /pɚˈfɛk.ʃən/, conviction /kənˈvɪkʃən/, conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, conversationalist /ˌkɑːnvɚˈseɪʃənəlɪst/, proportionally /pɹəˈpɔɹʃənəli/
Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: vocabulary /vəˈkæb.jə.lə.ɹi/, conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, conversationalist /ˌkɑːnvɚˈseɪʃənəlɪst/, empathetic /ˌɛmpəˈθɛtɪk/, proportionally /pɹəˈpɔɹʃənəli/

Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:

Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: fluency /ˈfluːənsi/, proportionally /pɹəˈpɔɹʃənəli/, breaker /ˈbɹeɪkɚ/, drummer /ˈdɹʌmɚ/, blank /ˈblæŋk/
/æ/ — “e”den daha açık: vocabulary /vəˈkæb.jə.lə.ɹi/, podcast /ˈpɑdˌkæst/, agitate /ˈæ.d͡ʒɪ.teɪt/, empathic /ɛmˈpæθɪk/, tangent /ˈtæn.d͡ʒənt/

Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır

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Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?

Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.

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