Shadowing Practice: Once you stop caring, they will chase you. - Learn English Speaking with Video
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people want what they can't have i bet
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if you're clicking on this video you have no idea how to flirt
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when you see someone cute you literally just like stand back
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and you're so awkward
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and that's completely okay you don't have to change your entire personality in order to get someone to like you
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and honestly you shouldn't anyone who comes online
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and tells you to be inauthentic to yourself in order to
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attract someone is just trying to sell you something at the
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end of the They have reached out to me on fake accounts.
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They've texted me with those fake numbers and it's to a point where it's like, do you want that?
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Like, do you really want someone to be obsessed with you?
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Because I'm gonna let you in on the secrets, but don't be mad when you get the adverse effects like I've gotten.
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Also, beware that if someone is like consistently reaching out to you or harassing you, that is like not good.
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I'm not glorifying that.
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But today's video is all about having someone you like be attracted to you on a base level
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and actually be the one who chases you first things first i want to dismantle this idea
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that you should chase someone in general i don't believe someone should chase you nor do i believe
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that you should chase someone i believe the best way is
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when there's mutual attraction to each other matched energy creates more intensity
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but we can't deny the natural push and pull of women
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and men dynamics men are typically the ones that push
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or go towards the woman and are initially attracted in
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and women are the ones that tend to attract
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or pull someone in
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which brings me into my first point detachment okay you need to detach from this idea
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that men validate you as a woman
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if you are watching this video as a woman
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which a lot of my advice is going to happen to be tailored towards women
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because i cannot speak on the male experience or how to flirt as a man.
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Girlies, we need to take men off the pedestal that we place them on.
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Your attention is what gives them power over you.
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I made a video a while back called a crush is a lack of information.
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So when you have a crush on someone, you're initially attracted to whatever idea you have of them.
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But simultaneously, they can be attracted to whatever idea they have of you.
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So when I say detachment, it's not learning to not care about what they say or magically just like erase your feelings out of nowhere.
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It's actually redirecting your energy back into yourself and understanding
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that their lack of attention or presence of attention isn't going to determine your inherent value and worth.
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I hate using the term high value woman because it's
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so associated with things online that i don't want to be associated with
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but like you are a high value woman
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because of what you pour into yourself you nurture yourself you understand yourself
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and this idea that you have to act super confident
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and hot and outspoken is so nonsense
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because not everyone is born to be an extrovert
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or someone who just naturally has a lot of confidence confidence
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is not earned by the way you present yourself confidence is earned through growth
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and actually looking within to dismantle your insecurities
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so the lie we typically fall into is we place men on a pedestal we start to like someone
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and we'll put this idea of them in our minds where
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it's like i need their approval in order to be worthy in order to feel like i'm enough
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and we won't even consciously recognize we're doing this we'll just engage in content
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that takes us out of our worthy energy
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and into what's called our proving energy and
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so the goal isn't to detach from your emotions right you are an emotional person
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and it's okay to have feelings for someone i think it's perfectly fine to validate
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that and acknowledge them
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but what i want you to do is i want you to look in the mirror
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and it might feel really silly at first
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but i want you to affirm to yourself my worth is not determined by anyone
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or anything i am magnetic and i am the woman of his dreams
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and again you can replace whatever pronouns you would like to use
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but affirming to yourself that you are someone's dream partner is something
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that is so validating why because if they won't another one will
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and this goes for literally anything but learning
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that your worth is not based on whether someone is involved with you romantically is something that's
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so so so big but also literally makes you more magnetic
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because at the end of the day you shouldn't want to
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force someone to love you they must choose to love you it's kind of like a butterfly right the second
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that you start chasing it it runs away but the moment
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that you are still with yourself it might come
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and land on you right next we're gonna want to play into their fantasy
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if any of you have read the art of seduction book by robert green he talks about different archetypes
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and how we all have a fantasy that people want to fulfill.
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You will never convince someone to like you until you understand why you like yourself.
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In fact, you can't convince someone of anything.
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If you're not their dream archetype, if you're not what they are attracted to, there's no moving forward and that's just me being completely honest.
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But your energy can be more attractive when you lean into your archetype.
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I actually made a video about the art of seduction archetypes so go check that out if you want after this video.
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But I want to talk about something called the art of genuine interest
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and it really isn't an art it's just learning how to
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conversate with men okay girlies let me know down in the comments
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if you really relate to this but i feel like
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when i'm talking with my girlfriends we can kind of like interrupt each other
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and like play with each other's words and everything but
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when you first start to meet a guy oftentimes people don't
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ask men questions about themselves a lot unless they're like really really attractive men This is
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when you immerse yourself in what this person is interested in.
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One of the best ways to shoot your shot without being
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super direct is allowing them to be in a friend group setting and then asking them directly about their interests.
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See if they engage in the conversation with you and actually want to talk to you.
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Ask follow -up questions about their hobbies.
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Remember details that they've told you before.
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Share related experiences
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or thoughts also don't be afraid to let out a little bit of your silly side
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and actually share jokes
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and a lot of people are scared to share jokes about themselves to their crush
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but the reality is would you actually want that person
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if they didn't understand that part of you
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and yes there is a difference you don't want to go off the deep end
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and say something insensitive
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but being your genuine funny self is what's going to attract people who like you for who you actually are
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that goes back to being unapologetically yourself now i want to say there is a difference between
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interrogation and interest some key signs you want to look out for
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that this person doesn't like you is number one they're short
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if you're texting them they just don't respond to messages
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if you're in person they always try to walk away from you
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or their body language is always turned away from you they never look you in the eyes okay
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if someone doesn't look you in the eyes when they're talking to you and you don't have to stare at someone, right?
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That is a huge sign that they're showing disinterest and that they're actually distracted by something else.
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Don't pretend to love everything they love.
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Don't make them the center of your universe.
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De -center men.
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Now I want to take a second to talk about the de -center men movement
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because this video is actually going to kind of coincide with it.
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I believe it's so important to not allow men to be the center of our lives
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but i also simultaneously believe
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that liking a man isn't inherently pick me we have turned this whole pick me thing upside down
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when a woman wants a man it's turned into this thing
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it's completely not it's okay to want a boyfriend like can we not act like having a relationship
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or wanting male attention is inherently a negative thing it's a bad thing
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if you center your entire life around it you don't do something unless you know
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that you're gonna get attention from men for it.
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But doing little things to impress your crush or flirting a little is entirely innocent.
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Reciprocation is everything when it comes to the de -centering men process.
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Even if you do start talking to this person and it becomes serious, do not suffocate them.
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That's going to bring me into my next point, okay?
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When you are up someone's ass, they will not like you.
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A very common theme in our society is that women will tend to be a little bit more anxiously attached, where men will be more avoidant attached and
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if you don't know your attachment style go ahead
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and click the quiz in the link in my description it's a free quiz it's the best one
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that i have personally found all you have to do is
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like make an account there's a lot of like attachment style quizzes
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that pay like two dollars and i literally hate that
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but it gives you kind of like a grid of where you're at in your attachment style
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and it also talks about things like your parental relationships
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and also your relationships with your friends so i really love
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that but learning about your attachment style can give you a glimpse of how you need to react
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when you're starting to feel insecure.
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Because when you start to feel insecure, that's when those attachment issues are going to start bubbling to the surface.
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Collectively, standards have been lowered.
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One of the main things to remember about decentering men is that you are not made for a man.
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Like, your life is not based on whether this man likes you.
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And I know that sounds very like, duh, but it's literally been conditioned
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that you know we want to get married we want to have a family it's okay to want companionship
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and that's completely valid i feel like it's
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so normalized to put someone on a pedestal
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and then turn the knife on ourselves
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when we feel like we're not doing enough
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and it really goes back to your attachment style as well
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because the second that those traumas start bubbling up Why does it hurt
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so bad when they don't text you back? well
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because of your abandonment wound right you fear
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that this person is going to abandon you and you expect
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that real love is not abandonment so when they show you
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that they don't want to text you all day
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and they're disinterested in you it stings a little bit
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because you became attached to them loving you in the way
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that you desire
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but the way you love yourself is abandonment right now that's why you have this attachment style
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that is anxious and this is something that i'm currently working through because I actually have a fearful avoidant attachment style.
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I do that like push and pull thing
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and it's definitely not the best but what I've learned is
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that I cannot expect someone to love me
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if I don't love myself in a way
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that makes me feel like I'm enough and I'm not saying
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that you always have to be in 100 % love with yourself.
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I do think that there's still ways you can work on yourself
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and also learn about yourself through a relationship
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because the truth is being alone is a lot easier like once you get over this idea
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that you have to have a partner in order to be happy you genuinely are a lot more happy
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when you're alone because of the fact
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that you've built yourself up to this point but then
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when you open up to someone it starts to hurt a little bit
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because the fact that you are learning more about attachment wounds
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that you have not healed
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so what do we do about this right we bring ourselves back to center
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and i want you to write a letter to yourself in the perspective of your future husband, wife, or partner.
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Write that letter and allow yourself to feel the love that that person or that soul is going to give you.
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This is so important because it affirms that the person that is your person is out there.
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When someone is showing you something that you don't want, it can be easy to try to stay and convince someone to love you,
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but when you are convincing someone to love you and accept you, it's because you are trying to accept the parts of yourself that you are subconsciously rejecting.
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I know that was a lot, but Bessie, you needed to hear it in order to understand why you want male validation
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or female validation or whatever type of validation you want.
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We all just want to be loved, god damn it.
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Back to a little bit of a light -hearted stuff
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because I know the shadow work and the actual truth behind why you are obsessing over this person, craving a text back, wanting them to notice you.
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That stuff is hard to get over, but let's talk about the texting game.
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I know it's cheesy to talk about, but it's so important because a lot of people don't understand text etiquette.
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Number one, don't call them out of nowhere if you just met them.
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I think this is obvious.
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I feel like girls be knowing this more than guys do.
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Like, I feel like guys will just call you out of nowhere
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and it's like sir why are you calling me there is
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literally zero reason to be calling me unannounced unless i know you like
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that but no seriously though keep it balanced match their energy
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if they don't text you back in eight hours it doesn't mean you can't respond immediately
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but i would say like don't respond in 0 .2 seconds you know what i mean like
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if anything give it a good like 15 minutes
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if you actually do want to have a conversation i'd say just keep it balance
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because at the end of the day you don't want to come off like you are desperate especially at first
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but if you know the person like that
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and it's chill don't really worry about like the time you respond to someone
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or things like that but also triple texting
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or quadruple texting is a little bit off -putting especially at first match their texting style
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but also be authentic to who you are as well ask
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them about their day see how they text not everyone is a texter as well
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so maybe be like hey we should call sometime soon
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which brings me into number six which is an essential part of it
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which is setting boundaries it's
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so important to know what you want right know what you want from a partner
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and know how you treat yourself so that
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when you spot bad behavior you can remove yourself from
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that situation because you actually don't find who you're meant to be with by staying in situations
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that no longer serve you be very clear about your intentions even
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if you fear that they're not clear about their intentions
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and i say that not to be outright um but
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when a conversation is necessary to be had bringing something up in a respectful manner is completely okay for example
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if you guys end up kissing having a conversation maybe a
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little bit down the line of okay what are you interested in
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if you were to get in a relationship where are you at right now
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and believing them believing them when they say i don't want anything serious right now
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because what they mean is I don't want anything serious with you
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and that doesn't mean you have to cut them off
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or anything but keep them at arm's length
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because at the end of the day having standards
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and knowing what you do and don't want can save you from low quality experiences what's
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that quote again high standards protect you from low quality experiences
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there you go it's okay to take things slow
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if a man is like pressuring you and making you feel bad
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because you're not doing something that he wants you to do babe that's a manipulator like
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that is someone who doesn't have your best interest in mind
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when it comes to genuine flirting i believe
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that the best type of flirting is when you meet someone
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and they are reciprocating of your energy and what
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that looks like is laughing at your jokes light physical touch
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moderate eye contact you get butterflies around them in the modern
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day it's a lot more complicated than it used to be
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to actually find someone who you resonate with starting things off
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on a friendship is not a bad idea at all
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and being able to see someone
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and take their actions for what they actually are is so
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so important move with discernment don't assume
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that since someone is showing you all these things at first
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that that's how they're going to be like in a relationship Pay more attention to the red flags than the green flags.
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If the red flags are non -negotiables that you will not tolerate, stand on that and believe it.
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And that also comes with time and experience too.
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I hope you found this video useful because these are all things and ways that I'm getting my shit together.
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Talking about getting your shit together, you made it to the end of the video, which means you want to get into my free support group.
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It's called the Get Your Shit Together community.
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It's a free support group filled with young adults who are all trying to get our shit together
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and we are almost to 500 members we might actually be
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at 500 members by the time this posts i appreciate every
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single one of you i'm also doing a 21 day challenge right now each day comes with a video
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and a worksheet days zero through seven are free
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and then days eight through 21 are 21 dollars you can
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also get solely the worksheets as well i put a lot of time into
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that so if you want to support the channel go over there
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and buy the 21 day challenge
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if you're watching this far into the video be sure you like this video subscribe
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and comment down below if you have ever centered men in your life
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and what that resulted in
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because i feel like a lot of us have experiences where we've been pick me's before
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and that's not like a negative thing
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but it's something we kind of had to learn
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so just let me know your experience with that down in the comments
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but yeah you guys with
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that being said check out my social medias be sure to like this video subscribe
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and i'll see you guys next week yeah i can hear
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you i'm in the middle of recording the video can i call you back in like 15 yeah you could
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but i wanted to talk to you yeah that's really sweet you're obsessed with me i am
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Gerçek Hayat Senaryosu: Kimseyi Takip Etmekten Kaçınmak
Bu video, sevgili birini çekmek için "dürtme-çekme" dinamiklerini ve özellikle kendine odaklanmanın önemini konu alıyor. Diyalog, sevgilide bulunurken başımıza gelen yaygın sorunları ele alır: kimseden onay almak zorunda hissetmek, kişiyi pedestaline koymak veya kendimizi değerlendirmek için onların tepkilerine bağlı kalmak. Örneğin, "kırık bir kalp, eksik bilgi demektir" gibi ifadeler, duygularımızı anlamak için pratik ipuçları sunar.
Öğrenilecek Faydalı Kelime Grupları
- Place someone on a pedestal: Kişiyi pedestaline koymak (Örnek: "Onu pedestaline koyduğumda, onayını almak zorunda hissettim.")
- Redirect energy back into oneself: Enerjiyi kendine yönlendirmek (Örnek: "Onun tepkilerine takılmak yerine, enerjimi kendime yönlendirdim.")
- Inherent value and worth: Doğal değer ve değerlilik (Örnek: "Onun ilgisi, doğal değerimi belirlemez.")
- Push and pull dynamics: Dürtme-çekme dinamikleri (Örnek: "Erkek-kadın ilişkilerinde sıkça görülen dürtme-çekme dinamikleri var.")
- Lack of information: Eksik bilgi (Örnek: "Kırık bir kalp, eksik bilgi demektir; aslında ondan çok az şey biliyorum.")
Gölgeleme Tekniği ile Uygulama Çalışması
Bugün yapmanız gereken görev: Video'daki "detachment" (uzak durma) konusundaki bölümü seçin (yaklaşık 1-2 dakika). Önce videoyu yavaşça dinleyin, ardından her cümleyi tekrarlayın. Gölge konuşma tekniğini kullanarak, tonunu, intonasyonunu ve hızını mümkün olduğunca yakın takip edin. Özellikle "enerjimi kendime yönlendirmek" gibi kelime gruplarını vurgulayın. Bu, İngilizceyi doğal bir şekilde konuşma yeteneğini geliştirecek ve aynı zamanda duygusal ifadeleri de öğrenmenize yardımcı olacak. Videolarla İngilizce öğren en etkili yollardan biridir, çünkü gerçek konuşma senaryolarını yaşayarak pratiğe dönüştürüyorsunuz. 5-10 dakika boyunca tekrar edin ve sonunda kendi cümlelerinizle konuyu anlatmaya çalışın!
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Koşul cümleleri if + cümle, will/would + fiil — bir koşul ve sonucu | if they won't another one will |
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | have reached · They've texted · I've gotten |
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | be obsessed · be attracted · be tailored |
| İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi | anyone who comes · one who chases · someone who just |
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.