跟读练习: You’re Not Obsessed—You’re Avoiding Your Life - 通过视频学习英语口语

选择练习模式

每种模式都会打开全屏练习室。

227 句

如果句子过短或过长，请点击 Edit 进行调整。

I think the reason why a lot of people can't break out of their obsessive loop is because they're not being honest about why it's happening.

I think sometimes we tell ourselves this story.

I'm obsessing over them because I really like them.

They are really amazing.

I just can't stop thinking about them.

They are living rent-free in my head.

First of all, we say it with the focus on them.

Second, we say it like it's something flattering.

Third, we talk about it like something special is happening.

Either they are special or this connection is special.

But what would happen if you turned that story inward?

Instead of saying, they are living rent-free in my head, you ask, why have I given them this space?

Because when someone takes up that much real estate in your mind, it is rarely just about them.

It's often about what is missing in you, what you think you lack, what part of you feels empty.

My default in life, my starting point for almost everything is to ask why.

Why am I reacting like this?

Why am I ruminating?

Why is this hitting so hard?

Why am I holding on?

When you find out the why, the how becomes easier.

How to change it, how to let go, how to stop spiraling, how to come back to yourself.

Obsession is a signal and now that I know that, anytime I start to feel it rise, I whisper a quiet thank you.

Why? Because it's a loud, clear cue that something in me isn't right.

And when something is that noticeable, I know it is calling me to correct it.

So right now, just for a moment, let's push aside whoever or whatever you've been obsessing about.

Let's take them out of the frame completely, and let's understand the root of it so that you can find your freedom.

Okay? Number one is the scarcity trap.

A lot of times we obsess over people and things because we believe that whatever we want to get out of them or are already getting out of them is rare.

For example, love or safety.

So you've met this person or in dire cases, you have just seen them from across the road, across the street, or something like that.

And in both situations, you don't even know them like that.

But you may have noticed some sort of attribute in them.

You love the way they move through the world.

It lights up something within you.

Or maybe when they talk to you, it feels like it's just you and them in the entire world.

It makes you feel good.

It makes you feel seen.

So because of your scarcity mindset, the immediate response assumption, especially for people with a lot of wounding and not many examples of being loved by other people, your assumption, your immediate thing is that people like this don't come around often.

So you hold on tightly.

But that's the thing about starvation.

When someone is starved for love, for attention, for care, even the tiniest bit feels like a lot.

Picture someone who has been lost at sea or maybe someone who is walking through the desert for days, maybe weeks, no water, no rest, no relief.

Their lips are cracked.

Their throat is burning.

They are beginning to see and hear things.

Now, imagine that this person finally stumbles across the smallest trace of water, just a puddle, barely enough to quench anything.

But then when you look at that person, they would drop to their knees and lap it up with so much force, with so much urgency, like it is life itself, so much gratitude, so much energy because to the starved, even a drop feels like an ocean.

That's what happens when you've gone your whole life not feeling fully seen, when you've never been loved in the way you needed, when all your experiences have convinced you that scraps are the best you will ever get.

So when someone sees you even slightly, when someone gives you attention, even if it's casual or neutral, that's literally how they treat everyone else.

You cling. You tell yourself, this must be it.

This is the person that will finally love me and fill this hole that I've been carrying for so long.

You convince yourself that they are different, that this is special, but it's not about who they are.

It's about the lack you've been carrying and the scarcity mindset that it has created.

So even if they're just being kind, even if they're just being themselves, you confuse that attention for affection.

You confuse proximity for compatibility.

And if they're playing a game and giving you crumbs, you convince yourself that it's a loaf.

They trigger hope in you so you attach your entire emotional world to them.

You start orbiting them like they are the sun.

That obsession is not about them.

It's about your desire to be saved.

And this leads me to number two.

Projection.

Let's be real.

What do you know about this person?

Do you know how they handle conflict?

How they treat other people in their lives?

Are they safe people?

Decent standard members of the society?

Is there someone somewhere who they have caused irreparable damage to?

What kinds of relationships have they had or do they have?

Are they disciplined?

If you can't tell me about this person as a full human being outside of your imprinting on them, then it's all a projection, smoke and mirrors.

They are just an idea to you, not a person.

And honestly, it feels really shitty to be on the receiving end of that.

When someone decides that you're perfect, you're just this perfect thing, so they put you on a pedestal, it's awful.

When you put someone on a pedestal, you stop seeing them and start seeing your dream, your dream in human form.

They represent the connection, the safety, the validation, the future you wish for.

So what's living in your head isn't them, it's your dream.

When you truly like a person, a job, a city, they won't be perfect.

They will be flawed and yet worth it.

When you start seeing people for who they are in the fullness of their humanity, it's harder to obsess.

Take them off the pedestal.

Let them be human.

Ask yourself, if I really knew them, would I still feel this way?

This is an opportunity for you to sit down and write out what it is you've been wishing for and hoping for subconsciously.

That dream of yours that they now embody, write it down.

Then decide what is based in reality and what isn't.

What is driven by your wounds?

For example, the dream that somebody can love you into loving yourself when you don't is a farce.

Or that someone's love can heal all the trauma you carry.

It's a pipe dream and I hate to break it to you, it's an unhealthy projection.

And this is where you class this dream under what you need to start therapy for or begin your personal healing journey for.

So in that situation, your obsession reflects an internal disconnection.

It's a clear calling for you to examine what part of you feels unworthy, unloved or neglected.

Then an invitation for you to learn to love yourself, to build a healthy foundation within yourself.

In addition to this, you can decide what part of your dream is actually attainable and what you can do to achieve it.

So say you dream of a deep romantic connection because I know that's what a lot of people dream of, of this future family and future connection that will help them.

Let's say that's what you dream for or you want friends.

Great. How do you achieve that?

100

The answer is very simple, but it's not easy.

101

You put yourself out there.

102

And putting yourself out there means you must be open to disappointments and the struggles that come with it.

103

And this leads me to our third one, our third reason why some of us obsess.

104

You are afraid to take real action.

105

It's so much easier to daydream than risk failure in the real world.

106

Sometimes obsession is cowardice in disguise.

107

It's avoidance.

108

It requires no reciprocity.

109

You have dreams, goals, things you want to build, but you are scared.

110

Scared to start, scared to fail, scared to be seen trying.

111

You are chasing and loving on someone here in your mind because you haven't or you won't dare to pursue them in real life.

112

In your mind, they bend to your will.

113

They don't reject you or shatter your dreams.

114

So you get your high off of the what-ifs in your head.

115

Instead of putting yourself out there, you channel your energy into your mind-world where variables and uncertainties don't exist.

116

You rehearse conversations you will never have.

117

You visualize futures that could exist, but don't exist because you are doing duck all.

118

If the person that is supposedly everything to you is so real in your fantasy, you don't have to date again.

119

You don't have to make new friends.

120

You don't have to try because no one else can compare to this person and what they bring to you in your head.

121

But as our sister Keke Lauren Palmer says, the gag is they are not real.

122

But you keep telling yourself that the love you want isn't happening out here with us mere mortals because of the god you've erected in your mind.

123

You keep ghosting the world in favor of that lie.

124

It's a cop-out.

125

You won't pick up the phone.

126

You won't send the pitch.

127

No going on dates and getting rejected like us, the rest of us in these streets, wretched streets, might I say.

128

Because your obsession is just a distraction from the fact that you are afraid to show up in your own life.

129

If this is you, then number four will apply to you automatically.

130

And I think this is the biggest one for many people.

131

You obsess because you don't have a life or you are living a life that you hate.

132

So to regain some sort of feeling of power, you make someone or something else yours.

133

Listen, when your energy has nowhere else to go, you don't have any sort of routine, no direction, no structure, no hobbies, no passion.

134

It gets funneled into fantasy and rumination.

135

When I was writing my first play, or even when I'm working on these videos, or when I'm planning my days, all I think about is my life and how to get to it.

136

I simply don't have extra time or space to give to rumination.

137

And even when I ruminate, I catch and cut that ish off because I have things to do.

138

Let's say it's plain.

139

You are obsessed because you have nothing else going on.

140

So you'd rather live in your head than face the dissatisfaction of your reality.

141

Discipline is the antidote to obsession.

142

And this doesn't have to look a certain way, but have a life, my dear, and be about that life.

143

Honestly, the last time I had a weird relationship with somebody, I wasn't enjoying my life at all.

144

I wasn't really living my life.

145

So I was escaping through that connection, what they offered me.

146

And honestly, what they were offering me was nothing in capital letters.

147

Thankfully, by week four, I received sense and I woke the hell up and went back outside and became an active participant in my reality.

148

It's your responsibility to change what you don't like about your life, about your reality.

149

It's easier to fantasize of another person who holds the key to your freedom, to your joy, to your excitement.

150

It's easier to fixate on them than to take steps to deal with the loneliness, if that's what you're suffering from.

151

The disappointment, the stagnancy that you're experiencing right now.

152

You hate your current reality.

153

So my darling, this obsession, why not take it as an opportunity to recognize that you must make a change?

154

Sit down and draw up a list of everything that your fantasy promises.

155

The opposite of those promises are the things you believe you lack or are trying to escape.

156

So identify them and create an actionable plan on how to solve those exact issues.

157

The longer you stay in your fantasy, the longer you delay your own growth.

158

And for the final one, this is for people who are obsessing over relationships or situations they were once in.

159

Sometimes you are ruminating because you feel guilty.

160

Or like in my case, I felt disappointed with myself.

161

I walked away from that connection really quickly.

162

But even then, in hindsight, there were so many gut checks, so many moments where my body was telling me things, but my mind hadn't caught up yet.

163

My brain was lagging.

164

So I kind of ignored it because I wasn't seeing a pattern to analyze.

165

And this is why one of the solutions I came up with for myself was to go out there and be around more people, socialize a bit more because I need to know the language my body speaks.

166

I'm someone that sometimes needs a bit more help with getting out of my head and into my body.

167

And even though I have a pretty good relationship with my body, sometimes my head analysis and pattern recognition wins.

168

And that realization that this could have ended earlier if I listened to my body, my intuition first was eating me up.

169

I kept replaying all the moments where the intuitive part of me was nudging, but I wasn't listening.

170

Ah, it was so frustrating.

171

So sometimes your obsession is that you can't believe what you did to yourself in that dynamic.

172

You gave too much.

173

You abandoned yourself.

174

You ignored the signs.

175

You are grieving your own self-betrayal.

176

And obsessing is your way of making it feel worth it.

177

You might be struggling to forgive yourself.

178

That might be what's happening to you actually.

179

And I think this is why it's so important to be surrounded by at least one or two people, friends, family, acquaintances, groups, someone outside of you, like a therapist or a coach, even a stranger if they're open to it, or an internet person like me who can give you a different perspective.

180

Because when I told my sister and my best friend that this thing was haunting me, they were like, what?

181

We are so proud of you.

182

You caught it early and immediately you caught it, you left.

183

That's who you are.

184

You are a human being.

185

You will miss things.

186

People might lie.

187

They might be deceitful.

188

You might get carried away sometimes.

189

They might be manipulative.

190

And you won't catch it at first because that's not who you are.

191

You don't treat people like that.

192

So of course, of course you don't walk around expecting to be treated that way either.

193

All that matters is that you walked away and you should be proud of yourself.

194

So that put things into perspective for me and helped me rechannel my thoughts and energy into the things that matter to me.

195

So whenever the thoughts come, I'm like, hey, hey, hey, please.

196

Hey, I have things to do.

197

And I focus into my actual life.

198

Because what you give your energy expands.

199

All in all, the cure is this.

200

Not that it's a disease, but obsession fades when you are busy living.

201

It dies in motion.

202

When you are too full of your own joy, your own goals, your own discipline, actively building your own life, getting rid of stressors, burnout, noticing triggers for anxiety and all the things we do to take care of ourselves, you won't have time to orbit someone else's existence.

203

Because your truth will be more appealing than the fantasy.

204

And it's not just about having a life.

205

It's about being committed to that life, showing up for yourself, having the discipline to stick to your plans, even when someone new or exciting comes along.

206

Get so intentional about your own schedule that the thought of rearranging it for someone you barely know feels laughable.

207

Sometimes I catch and cut my ruminations off so aggressively.

208

I'm like, get the f...

209

I don't have time for this.

210

Jeez! With so much anger that it runs away.

211

Wake up every day with a goal to build a life you love enough to stay present in.

212

Become a person you don't want to escape from.

213

That's the work.

214

Pour that obsession into something real.

215

Create music, write, dance, take a class, build a business, sign up for the gym and go.

216

Get into the kitchen, go on awkward first dates, go outside and feel the sun on your skin, on your face.

217

If you like grass, touch it.

218

Move your body, build your world.

219

The cure for obsession is presence.

220

You stay grounded in the world that is actually here, not the one made up in your mind.

221

You redirect your energy into building an altar within instead of making gods out of people.

222

You start identifying and meeting your own needs instead of projecting your lack.

223

You don't need to get over them.

224

No. You just need to come back to yourself.

225

As always, it's been an absolute pleasure.

226

My name is Pearl Girl.

227

And I'll see you in the next video.

下载应用

流利口语所需的一切

AI 发音评分逐句打分

音标练习掌握每个音

词汇学习建立你的词库

词汇游戏边玩边学

扫码

Download on theApp Store Get it onGoogle Play

同频道

FOR YOU

谁适合看这个视频？

这个视频适合有一定英语基础、想通过真实对话提升表达和思维能力的学习者。它不仅能帮你理解日常口语中的深层逻辑，还能训练你用英语思考复杂情感。如果你想通过“看视频学英语”来突破哑巴英语，或是练习“英语影子跟读”，它会是很好的素材——内容贴近生活，语速适中，适合逐句模仿。

值得借鉴的表达和习语

视频里有不少生动的表达。比如“living rent-free in my head”（在脑海里白住，指挥之不去），用租房的比喻很形象；“scarcity trap”（稀缺陷阱）精准概括了心理状态；“lap it up”（猛喝，引申为急切接受）则通过动作展现迫切感。这些表达能让你的英语更地道，记得在“影子跟读”时重点练习它们的节奏。

如何练好发音？

想提高英语发音，可关注 speaker 的语调变化。比如讲到“why am I reacting like this”时，升调加强了疑问感；“thank you”的轻读则体现了内省的语气。建议用“shadow speak”（影子跟读）法，跟着视频逐句重复，注意连读和弱读，比如“a lot of”读成“a lotta”，“because of”读成“'cause of”。多模仿这些细节，你的发音会更自然。此外，视频中的比喻句（如把稀缺感比作沙漠找水）节奏明快，适合练习语流，不妨多跟读几遍。

视频中的语法

说话人最常用的结构，并附上视频中的原话：

结构	视频中的用法
现在完成进行时 have/has been + -ing — 以前开始、现在仍在继续的动作	you've been obsessing · I've been carrying · you've been carrying
条件句 if + 从句，will/would + 动词 — 条件及其结果	if I really knew them, would I
被动语态 be + 过去分词 — 强调发生了什么，而不是谁做的	being loved · is starved · has been lost
现在完成时 have/has + 过去分词 — 过去发生但与现在仍有关联的事	have I given · you've met · has been lost

什么是跟读法？

跟读法 (Shadowing) 是一种有科学依据的语言学习技巧，最初开发用于专业口译员的培训，并由多语言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。这个方法简单而强大：您在听英语母语原声的同时立即大声重复——就像是一个延迟1-2秒紧跟说话者的影子。与被动听力或语法练习不同，跟读法强迫您的大脑和口腔肌肉同时处理并模仿真实的讲话模式。研究表明它能显着提高发音准确性，语调，节奏，连读，听力理解和口语流利度——使其成为雅思口语备考和真实英语交流最有效的方法之一。

影子跟读法: 阅读完整分步指南 →

跟读练习: You’re Not Obsessed—You’re Avoiding Your Life - 通过视频学习英语口语

选择练习模式

下载应用

同频道

stop waiting for permission to live your life

It’s Time to Stop Calling Suffering Love

Nobody Teaches Women This About Love (And It Costs Us Years)

You Don’t Want Love—You Want to Be Picked So You Feel Worthy

推荐视频

How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone

You Are Not Lazy, You Just Need a Better Routine! | Advanced Podcast for Real-Life Conversations

The Fear of Disappointing People Can Ruin Your Life | B2 English Shadowing

I used to be insecure and envy others. Here's my advice.

Why we can't stop scrolling.

Your Lack of Personal Purpose Is Causing Your Romantic Obsession

How to Enter Your Unbothered Era: Stop Over-Explaining and Let Them Lose You

You’re Not Out of Time. You’re Out of Attention | B1-B2 English Listening Practice

How to Make Someone Obsessed With YOU (Even If You’re Not Their Type)

Why being bored is a good thing

Why You Keep Falling Off Your Goals (5 Neuroscience Backed Reasons)

How to NEVER feel embarrassed again

谁适合看这个视频？

值得借鉴的表达和习语

如何练好发音？

视频中的语法

什么是跟读法？