Pratica di Shadowing: You’re Not Obsessed—You’re Avoiding Your Life - Impara a parlare inglese con i video
Creazione lezione...
1
I think the reason why a lot of people can't break out of their obsessive loop is because they're not being honest about why it's happening.
2
I think sometimes we tell ourselves this story.
3
I'm obsessing over them because I really like them.
4
They are really amazing.
5
I just can't stop thinking about them.
6
They are living rent-free in my head.
7
First of all, we say it with the focus on them.
8
Second, we say it like it's something flattering.
9
Third, we talk about it like something special is happening.
10
Either they are special or this connection is special.
11
But what would happen if you turned that story inward?
12
Instead of saying, they are living rent-free in my head, you ask, why have I given them this space?
13
Because when someone takes up that much real estate in your mind, it is rarely just about them.
14
It's often about what is missing in you, what you think you lack, what part of you feels empty.
15
My default in life, my starting point for almost everything is to ask why.
16
Why am I reacting like this?
17
Why am I ruminating?
18
Why is this hitting so hard?
19
Why am I holding on?
20
When you find out the why, the how becomes easier.
21
How to change it, how to let go, how to stop spiraling, how to come back to yourself.
22
Obsession is a signal and now that I know that, anytime I start to feel it rise, I whisper a quiet thank you.
23
Why? Because it's a loud, clear cue that something in me isn't right.
24
And when something is that noticeable, I know it is calling me to correct it.
25
So right now, just for a moment, let's push aside whoever or whatever you've been obsessing about.
26
Let's take them out of the frame completely, and let's understand the root of it so that you can find your freedom.
27
Okay? Number one is the scarcity trap.
28
A lot of times we obsess over people and things because we believe that whatever we want to get out of them or are already getting out of them is rare.
29
For example, love or safety.
30
So you've met this person or in dire cases, you have just seen them from across the road, across the street, or something like that.
31
And in both situations, you don't even know them like that.
32
But you may have noticed some sort of attribute in them.
33
You love the way they move through the world.
34
It lights up something within you.
35
Or maybe when they talk to you, it feels like it's just you and them in the entire world.
36
It makes you feel good.
37
It makes you feel seen.
38
So because of your scarcity mindset, the immediate response assumption, especially for people with a lot of wounding and not many examples of being loved by other people, your assumption, your immediate thing is that people like this don't come around often.
39
So you hold on tightly.
40
But that's the thing about starvation.
41
When someone is starved for love, for attention, for care, even the tiniest bit feels like a lot.
42
Picture someone who has been lost at sea or maybe someone who is walking through the desert for days, maybe weeks, no water, no rest, no relief.
43
Their lips are cracked.
44
Their throat is burning.
45
They are beginning to see and hear things.
46
Now, imagine that this person finally stumbles across the smallest trace of water, just a puddle, barely enough to quench anything.
47
But then when you look at that person, they would drop to their knees and lap it up with so much force, with so much urgency, like it is life itself, so much gratitude, so much energy because to the starved, even a drop feels like an ocean.
48
That's what happens when you've gone your whole life not feeling fully seen, when you've never been loved in the way you needed, when all your experiences have convinced you that scraps are the best you will ever get.
49
So when someone sees you even slightly, when someone gives you attention, even if it's casual or neutral, that's literally how they treat everyone else.
50
You cling. You tell yourself, this must be it.
51
This is the person that will finally love me and fill this hole that I've been carrying for so long.
52
You convince yourself that they are different, that this is special, but it's not about who they are.
53
It's about the lack you've been carrying and the scarcity mindset that it has created.
54
So even if they're just being kind, even if they're just being themselves, you confuse that attention for affection.
55
You confuse proximity for compatibility.
56
And if they're playing a game and giving you crumbs, you convince yourself that it's a loaf.
57
They trigger hope in you so you attach your entire emotional world to them.
58
You start orbiting them like they are the sun.
59
That obsession is not about them.
60
It's about your desire to be saved.
61
And this leads me to number two.
62
Projection.
63
Let's be real.
64
What do you know about this person?
65
Do you know how they handle conflict?
66
How they treat other people in their lives?
67
Are they safe people?
68
Decent standard members of the society?
69
Is there someone somewhere who they have caused irreparable damage to?
70
What kinds of relationships have they had or do they have?
71
Are they disciplined?
72
If you can't tell me about this person as a full human being outside of your imprinting on them, then it's all a projection, smoke and mirrors.
73
They are just an idea to you, not a person.
74
And honestly, it feels really shitty to be on the receiving end of that.
75
When someone decides that you're perfect, you're just this perfect thing, so they put you on a pedestal, it's awful.
76
When you put someone on a pedestal, you stop seeing them and start seeing your dream, your dream in human form.
77
They represent the connection, the safety, the validation, the future you wish for.
78
So what's living in your head isn't them, it's your dream.
79
When you truly like a person, a job, a city, they won't be perfect.
80
They will be flawed and yet worth it.
81
When you start seeing people for who they are in the fullness of their humanity, it's harder to obsess.
82
Take them off the pedestal.
83
Let them be human.
84
Ask yourself, if I really knew them, would I still feel this way?
85
This is an opportunity for you to sit down and write out what it is you've been wishing for and hoping for subconsciously.
86
That dream of yours that they now embody, write it down.
87
Then decide what is based in reality and what isn't.
88
What is driven by your wounds?
89
For example, the dream that somebody can love you into loving yourself when you don't is a farce.
90
Or that someone's love can heal all the trauma you carry.
91
It's a pipe dream and I hate to break it to you, it's an unhealthy projection.
92
And this is where you class this dream under what you need to start therapy for or begin your personal healing journey for.
93
So in that situation, your obsession reflects an internal disconnection.
94
It's a clear calling for you to examine what part of you feels unworthy, unloved or neglected.
95
Then an invitation for you to learn to love yourself, to build a healthy foundation within yourself.
96
In addition to this, you can decide what part of your dream is actually attainable and what you can do to achieve it.
97
So say you dream of a deep romantic connection because I know that's what a lot of people dream of, of this future family and future connection that will help them.
98
Let's say that's what you dream for or you want friends.
99
Great. How do you achieve that?
100
The answer is very simple, but it's not easy.
101
You put yourself out there.
102
And putting yourself out there means you must be open to disappointments and the struggles that come with it.
103
And this leads me to our third one, our third reason why some of us obsess.
104
You are afraid to take real action.
105
It's so much easier to daydream than risk failure in the real world.
106
Sometimes obsession is cowardice in disguise.
107
It's avoidance.
108
It requires no reciprocity.
109
You have dreams, goals, things you want to build, but you are scared.
110
Scared to start, scared to fail, scared to be seen trying.
111
You are chasing and loving on someone here in your mind because you haven't or you won't dare to pursue them in real life.
112
In your mind, they bend to your will.
113
They don't reject you or shatter your dreams.
114
So you get your high off of the what-ifs in your head.
115
Instead of putting yourself out there, you channel your energy into your mind-world where variables and uncertainties don't exist.
116
You rehearse conversations you will never have.
117
You visualize futures that could exist, but don't exist because you are doing duck all.
118
If the person that is supposedly everything to you is so real in your fantasy, you don't have to date again.
119
You don't have to make new friends.
120
You don't have to try because no one else can compare to this person and what they bring to you in your head.
121
But as our sister Keke Lauren Palmer says, the gag is they are not real.
122
But you keep telling yourself that the love you want isn't happening out here with us mere mortals because of the god you've erected in your mind.
123
You keep ghosting the world in favor of that lie.
124
It's a cop-out.
125
You won't pick up the phone.
126
You won't send the pitch.
127
No going on dates and getting rejected like us, the rest of us in these streets, wretched streets, might I say.
128
Because your obsession is just a distraction from the fact that you are afraid to show up in your own life.
129
If this is you, then number four will apply to you automatically.
130
And I think this is the biggest one for many people.
131
You obsess because you don't have a life or you are living a life that you hate.
132
So to regain some sort of feeling of power, you make someone or something else yours.
133
Listen, when your energy has nowhere else to go, you don't have any sort of routine, no direction, no structure, no hobbies, no passion.
134
It gets funneled into fantasy and rumination.
135
When I was writing my first play, or even when I'm working on these videos, or when I'm planning my days, all I think about is my life and how to get to it.
136
I simply don't have extra time or space to give to rumination.
137
And even when I ruminate, I catch and cut that ish off because I have things to do.
138
Let's say it's plain.
139
You are obsessed because you have nothing else going on.
140
So you'd rather live in your head than face the dissatisfaction of your reality.
141
Discipline is the antidote to obsession.
142
And this doesn't have to look a certain way, but have a life, my dear, and be about that life.
143
Honestly, the last time I had a weird relationship with somebody, I wasn't enjoying my life at all.
144
I wasn't really living my life.
145
So I was escaping through that connection, what they offered me.
146
And honestly, what they were offering me was nothing in capital letters.
147
Thankfully, by week four, I received sense and I woke the hell up and went back outside and became an active participant in my reality.
148
It's your responsibility to change what you don't like about your life, about your reality.
149
It's easier to fantasize of another person who holds the key to your freedom, to your joy, to your excitement.
150
It's easier to fixate on them than to take steps to deal with the loneliness, if that's what you're suffering from.
151
The disappointment, the stagnancy that you're experiencing right now.
152
You hate your current reality.
153
So my darling, this obsession, why not take it as an opportunity to recognize that you must make a change?
154
Sit down and draw up a list of everything that your fantasy promises.
155
The opposite of those promises are the things you believe you lack or are trying to escape.
156
So identify them and create an actionable plan on how to solve those exact issues.
157
The longer you stay in your fantasy, the longer you delay your own growth.
158
And for the final one, this is for people who are obsessing over relationships or situations they were once in.
159
Sometimes you are ruminating because you feel guilty.
160
Or like in my case, I felt disappointed with myself.
161
I walked away from that connection really quickly.
162
But even then, in hindsight, there were so many gut checks, so many moments where my body was telling me things, but my mind hadn't caught up yet.
163
My brain was lagging.
164
So I kind of ignored it because I wasn't seeing a pattern to analyze.
165
And this is why one of the solutions I came up with for myself was to go out there and be around more people, socialize a bit more because I need to know the language my body speaks.
166
I'm someone that sometimes needs a bit more help with getting out of my head and into my body.
167
And even though I have a pretty good relationship with my body, sometimes my head analysis and pattern recognition wins.
168
And that realization that this could have ended earlier if I listened to my body, my intuition first was eating me up.
169
I kept replaying all the moments where the intuitive part of me was nudging, but I wasn't listening.
170
Ah, it was so frustrating.
171
So sometimes your obsession is that you can't believe what you did to yourself in that dynamic.
172
You gave too much.
173
You abandoned yourself.
174
You ignored the signs.
175
You are grieving your own self-betrayal.
176
And obsessing is your way of making it feel worth it.
177
You might be struggling to forgive yourself.
178
That might be what's happening to you actually.
179
And I think this is why it's so important to be surrounded by at least one or two people, friends, family, acquaintances, groups, someone outside of you, like a therapist or a coach, even a stranger if they're open to it, or an internet person like me who can give you a different perspective.
180
Because when I told my sister and my best friend that this thing was haunting me, they were like, what?
181
We are so proud of you.
182
You caught it early and immediately you caught it, you left.
183
That's who you are.
184
You are a human being.
185
You will miss things.
186
People might lie.
187
They might be deceitful.
188
You might get carried away sometimes.
189
They might be manipulative.
190
And you won't catch it at first because that's not who you are.
191
You don't treat people like that.
192
So of course, of course you don't walk around expecting to be treated that way either.
193
All that matters is that you walked away and you should be proud of yourself.
194
So that put things into perspective for me and helped me rechannel my thoughts and energy into the things that matter to me.
195
So whenever the thoughts come, I'm like, hey, hey, hey, please.
196
Hey, I have things to do.
197
And I focus into my actual life.
198
Because what you give your energy expands.
199
All in all, the cure is this.
200
Not that it's a disease, but obsession fades when you are busy living.
201
It dies in motion.
202
When you are too full of your own joy, your own goals, your own discipline, actively building your own life, getting rid of stressors, burnout, noticing triggers for anxiety and all the things we do to take care of ourselves, you won't have time to orbit someone else's existence.
203
Because your truth will be more appealing than the fantasy.
204
And it's not just about having a life.
205
It's about being committed to that life, showing up for yourself, having the discipline to stick to your plans, even when someone new or exciting comes along.
206
Get so intentional about your own schedule that the thought of rearranging it for someone you barely know feels laughable.
207
Sometimes I catch and cut my ruminations off so aggressively.
208
I'm like, get the f...
209
I don't have time for this.
210
Jeez! With so much anger that it runs away.
211
Wake up every day with a goal to build a life you love enough to stay present in.
212
Become a person you don't want to escape from.
213
That's the work.
214
Pour that obsession into something real.
215
Create music, write, dance, take a class, build a business, sign up for the gym and go.
216
Get into the kitchen, go on awkward first dates, go outside and feel the sun on your skin, on your face.
217
If you like grass, touch it.
218
Move your body, build your world.
219
The cure for obsession is presence.
220
You stay grounded in the world that is actually here, not the one made up in your mind.
221
You redirect your energy into building an altar within instead of making gods out of people.
222
You start identifying and meeting your own needs instead of projecting your lack.
223
You don't need to get over them.
224
No. You just need to come back to yourself.
225
As always, it's been an absolute pleasure.
226
My name is Pearl Girl.
227
And I'll see you in the next video.
📺 Stesso Canale
C11
stop waiting for permission to live your life
University StudentsWorking Adults
C23
It’s Time to Stop Calling Suffering Love
University StudentsWorking Adults
C15
Nobody Teaches Women This About Love (And It Costs Us Years)
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C15
You Don’t Want Love—You Want to Be Picked So You Feel Worthy
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
✨ Video consigliato
B214 frasi
Why Obsession Runs Out And Never Returns
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B21
237 frasi
Stop Hiding. Face Your Problems and Move Forward! | Advanced Podcast for Real-Life Conversations
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B24
16 frasi
They are probably overthinking everything they’ve said too #psychology #lawofattraction #overthinker
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2444 frasi
people you should watch out for (how to spot toxic friends)
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2160 frasi
How to Get Your Focus Back (Trust me, You’re Not Cooked).
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B23
262 frasi
If You’re Ambitious But Lazy, Watch This
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
319 frasi
How to ACTUALLY Let Them?
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2339 frasi
mastering self concept: you don't get what you want. you get who you are.
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B25
363 frasi
The Hidden Habit That's Quietly Wasting Your Life
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B24
60 frasi
You Were NEVER In Love, It Was Limerance
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B23
160 frasi
How to Make Someone Obsessed With YOU (Even If You’re Not Their Type)
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
218 frasi
I can’t help but want to be everything at once
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
Per chi è questo video?
Questo video è perfetto per gli appassionati di inglese a livello intermedio o avanzato che vogliono migliorare non solo la comprensione, ma anche la pratica di conversazione in inglese e la capacità di analizzare testi complessi. Ideale per chi cerca spunti per la shadowing in inglese, poiché il discorso è fluido, colloquiale e ricco di espressioni naturali. Se vuoi imparare a capire i sottotesti delle emozioni e a usare l'inglese per riflettere su temi profondi, questo è il contenuto giusto per te!
Parole e modi di dire da rubare
- "Living rent-free in my head": Significa che qualcuno o qualcosa occupa il tuo pensiero senza che tu paghi "affitto", cioè senza motivo apparente. Esempio: "That song has been living rent-free in my head all week!"
- "Scarcity trap": Trappola della scarsità, cioè la convinzione che qualcosa di prezioso è raro e quindi bisogna aggrapparsene. Utile in contesti di psicologia o economia.
- "Lap it up": Bere o assorbire con avidità, sia letteralmente che metaforicamente. Esempio: "The kids lapped up the story about the pirates."
Questi espressioni rendono il tuo inglese più naturale e ti aiutano a capire conversazioni reali. Provalle nella pratica di conversazione in inglese o nella shadow speak per memorizzarle meglio!
Come migliorare l'accento con questo video
Il speaker ha un tono calmo e una pronuncia chiara, perfetto per la shadowing in inglese. Concentrati su: - L'intonazione nelle domande "why": la voce sale leggermente, enfatizzando la curiosità. - La connessione tra le parole in frasi come "they are living rent-free" (si sente "they're livin' rent-free"). - La stress sulle sillabe chiave: in "obsessive loop", il focus è su "ob-SES-sive" e "LOOP". Ripeti le frasi a tempo con il video, imitando il ritmo e il tono: è il modo migliore per imparare l'inglese con i video e diventare più fluente. Ricorda: la shadowspeaks non è solo imitare, ma capire il senso dietro le parole!
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — un’azione iniziata prima e ancora in corso | you've been obsessing · I've been carrying · you've been carrying |
| Frasi condizionali if + frase, will/would + verbo — una condizione e il suo risultato | if I really knew them, would I |
| Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo fa | being loved · is starved · has been lost |
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | you've met · has been lost · you've gone |
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.