Shadowing Practice: Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Welcome!

I'm very excited today to talk about effective speaking in spontaneous situations.

I thank you all for joining us, even though the title of my talk is grammatically incorrect.

I thought that might scare a few of you away.

But I learned teaching here at the business school, catching people's attention is hard.

So something as simple as that, I thought might draw a few of you here.

So this is going to be a highly interactive and participative workshop today.

If you don't feel comfortable participating, that's completely fine.

But do know I'm going to ask you to talk to people next to you.

There'll be opportunities to stand up and practice some things

because I believe the way we become effective communicators is by actually communicating.

So let's get started right away.

I'd like to ask you all to read this sentence.

and as you read this sentence, what's most important to me is that you count the number of Fs that you find in this sentence.

Please, count the number of Fs.

Keep it quiet to yourself.

Give you just another couple seconds here.

Three, two, one.

Raise your hand, please, if you found three and only three Fs.

Excellent.

Great.

Did anybody find four?

Anybody find only five Fs?

Can anybody find six?

There's six Fs.

What two-letter word ending in F did many of us miss? Of.

We'll make sure to get this to you so you can torment your friends and family at a later date.

When I first was exposed to this over 12 years ago, I only found three.

And I felt really stupid.

So I like to start every workshop, every class I teach with this, to pass that feeling along.

No, no. That's not why I do this.

I do this because this is a perfect analogy for what we're going to be talking about today.

The vast majority of us in this room, very smart people in this room, were not as effective as we could have been in this activity.

We didn't get it right.

And the same is true when it comes to speaking in public, particularly when spontaneous speaking.

It's little things that make a big difference in being effective.

So today we're going to talk about little things in terms of your approach, your attitude, your practice, that can change how you feel when you speak in public.

And we're going to be talking primarily about one type of public speaking, not the type that you plan for in advance, the type that you actually spend time thinking about,

you might even create slides for.

These are the keynotes, the conference presentation, the formal toasts.

That's not what we're talking about today.

We're talking about spontaneous speaking.

When you're in a situation that you're asked to speak off the cuff and in the moment.

What we're going through today is actually the result of a workshop I created here for the business school.

Several years ago, a survey was taken among the students, and they said, what are things we could do to help make you more successful here?

And at the top of that list was this notion of responding to cold calls.

Does everybody know what a cold call is?

It's where the mean professor, like me, looks at some students and says, what do you think?

And there was a lot of panic and a lot of silence.

So as a result of that, this workshop was created, and a vast majority of first-year students here at the GSB go through this workshop.

So I'm going to walk you through sort of a hybrid version of what they do.

The reality is that spontaneous speaking is actually more prevalent than planned speaking.

Perhaps it's giving introductions.

You're at a dinner and somebody says, you know so-and-so, would you mind introducing them?

Maybe it's giving feedback in the moment.

Your boss turns to you and says, would you tell me what you think?

It could be a surprise toast.

Or finally, it could be during the Q&A session.

And by the way, we will leave plenty of time at the end of our day today for Q&A.

I'd love to hear the questions you have about this topic or other topics related to communicating.

So our agenda is simple.

In order to be an effective communicator, regardless of if it's planned or spontaneous, you need to have your anxiety under control.

So we'll start there.

Second, what we're going to talk about is some ground rules for the interactivity we'll have today, and then finally, we're going to get into the heart of what we will be covering.

And again, as I said, lots of activity, and I invite you to participate.

So let's get started with anxiety management.

85% of people tell us that they're nervous when speaking in public.

And I think the other 15% are lying.

We could create a situation where we could make them nervous, too.

In fact, just this past week, a study from Chapman University asked Americans, what are the things you fear most?

And among being caught in a surprise terrorist attack, Having your identity stolen was public speaking.

Among the top five was speaking in front of others.

This is a ubiquitous fear, and one that I believe we can learn to manage.

And I use that word manage very carefully, because I don't think we ever want to overcome it.

Anxiety actually helps us.

It gives us energy, helps us focus, tells us what we're doing is important, but we want to learn to manage it.

So I'd like to introduce you to a few techniques that can work, And all of these techniques are based on academic research.

But before we get there, I'd love to ask you, what does it feel like when you're sitting in the audience watching a nervous speaker present?

How do you feel?

Just shout out a few things.

How do you feel?

Uncomfortable.

I heard many of you going, yes, uncomfortable.

It feels very awkward, doesn't it?

So what do we do?

Now, a couple of you probably like watching somebody suffer, but most of us don't.

So what do we do?

We sit there and we nod and we smile or we disengage.

And to the nervous speaker looking out at his or her audience, seeing a bunch of people nodding or disengaged, that does not help.

So we need to learn to manage our anxiety, because fundamentally, your job as a communicator, regardless of if it's planned or spontaneous, is to make your audience comfortable.

Because if they're comfortable, they can receive your message.

And when I say comfortable, I am not referring to the fact that your message has to be sugar-coated and nice for them to hear.

It can be a harsh message, but they have to be in a place where they can receive it.

So it's incumbent on you as a communicator to help your audience feel comfortable, and we do that by managing our anxiety.

So let me introduce you to a few techniques

that I think you can use right away to help you feel more comfortable.

The first has to do with when you begin to feel those anxiety symptoms.

For most people, this happens in the initial minutes prior to speaking.

In this situation, what happens is many of us begin to feel whatever it is that happens to you.

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Maybe your stomach gets a little gurgly, maybe your legs begin to shake, maybe you begin to perspire.

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And then we start to say to ourselves, oh my goodness, I'm nervous.

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Uh-oh, they're going to tell I'm nervous.

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This is not going to go well.

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And we start spiraling out of control.

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So research on mindful attention tells us that when we begin to feel those anxiety symptoms, we simply greet our anxiety and say,

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hey, this is me feeling nervous.

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I'm about to do something of consequence.

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And simply by greeting your anxiety and acknowledging it that it's normal and natural, heck, 85% of people tell us they have it,

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you actually can stem the tide of that anxiety spiraling out of control.

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It's not necessarily going to reduce the anxiety, but it will stop it from spinning up.

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So the next time you begin to feel those anxiety signs, take a deep breath and say, this is me feeling anxious.

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I notice a few of you taking some notes.

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There's a handout that will come at the end that has everything that I'm supposed to say.

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OK?

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Can't guarantee I'm going to say it, but you'll have it there.

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In addition to this approach, a technique that works very well, and this is a technique that I helped do some research on way back when I was in graduate school,

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has to do with reframing how you see the speaking situation.

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Most of us, when we are up presenting, planned or spontaneous, we feel that we have to do it right.

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And we feel like we are performing.

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How many of you have ever acted, done singing or dancing?

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I'm not going to ask for performances now.

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OK.

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Many of you have.

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We should note that we could do next year maybe a talent show of alums.

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It looks like we got the talent there.

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That's great.

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So when you perform, you know that there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.

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If you don't hit the right note or your right line at the right time, at the right place, you've made a mistake.

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It messes up the audience.

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It messes up the people on stage.

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But when you present, there is no right way.

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There's certainly better and worse ways, but there is no one right way.

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So we need to look at presenting as something other than performance.

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And what I'd like to suggest is what we need to

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see this as is a conversation right now i'm having a conversation with a hundred plus people

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rather than saying i'm performing for you

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but it's not enough just to say this is a conversation

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i want to give you some concrete things you can do

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first start with questions questions by their very nature are dialogic

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they're two-way what was one of the very first things i did here for you

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I had you count the number of F's and raise your hands.

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I asked you a question.

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That gets your audience involved.

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It makes it feel to me as the presenter, as if we are in conversation.

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So use questions.

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They can be rhetorical.

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They can be polling.

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Perhaps I actually want to hear information from you.

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In fact, I use questions when I create an outline for my presentations.

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Rather than writing bullet points, I list questions that I'm going to answer.

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And that puts me in that conversational mode.

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If you were to look at my notes for today's talk, you'll see it's just a series of questions.

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Right now I'm answering the question, how do we manage our anxiety?

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Beyond questions, another very useful technique for making us conversational is to use conversational language.

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Many nervous speakers distance themselves physically.

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If you've ever seen a nervous speaker present, he or she will say something like this, welcome, I am really excited to be here with you.

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They pull as far away from you as possible because you threaten us, speakers.

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You make us nervous, so we want to get away from you.

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We do the same thing linguistically.

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We use language that distances ourselves.

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It's not unusual to hear a nervous speaker say something like, one must consider the ramifications, or today we're going to cover step one, step two, step three.

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That's very distancing language.

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To be more conversational, use conversational language.

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Instead of one must consider, say, this is important to you.

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We all need to be concerned with, do you hear that inclusive conversational language?

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Has to do with the pronouns.

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Instead of step one, step two, step three, first what we need to do is this.

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The second thing you should consider is here.

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Use conversational language.

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So being conversational can also help you manage your anxiety.

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The third technique I'd like to share is research that I actually started when I was an undergraduate here.

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I was very fortunate to study with Phil Zimbardo of the Stanford Prison Experiment fame.

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Many people don't know that Zim actually was instrumental in starting one of the very first shyness institutes in the world, and especially in the country.

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And I did some research with him that looked at how your orientation to time influences how you react.

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And what we learned is, if you can bring yourself into the present moment, rather than being worried about the future consequences, you can actually be less nervous.

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Most of us, when we present, are worried about the future consequences.

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My students are worried they're not going to get the right grade.

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Some of you are worried you might not get the funding, you might not get the support, you might not get the laughs that you want.

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All of those are future states.

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So if we can bring ourselves into the present moment, we're not going to be as concerned about those future states, and therefore, we'll be less nervous.

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There are lots of ways to become present oriented.

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I know a professional speaker, he's paid $10,000 an hour to speak.

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It's a good gig.

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He gets very nervous.

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He's up in front of crowds of thousands.

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Behind the stage, what he does is 100 push-ups right before he comes out.

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You can't be that physically active and not be in the present moment.

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Now, I'm not recommending all of us go to that level of exertion, because he starts out of breath and sweaty.

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But a walk around the building before you speak, that can do it.

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There are other ways.

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If you've ever watched athletes perform and get ready to do their event, they listen to music.

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They focus on a song or a playlist that helps get them in the moment.

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You can do things as simple as counting backwards from 100 by tough numbers like 17.

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I'm going to pause because I know people in the room are trying.

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It gets hard after that third or fourth one, I know.

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My favorite way to get present-oriented is to say tongue twisters.

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Saying a tongue twister forces you to be in the moment, otherwise you'll say it wrong.

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And it has the added benefit of warming up your voice.

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Most nervous speakers don't warm up their voice.

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They retreat inside themselves and start saying all these bad things to themselves.

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So saying a tongue twister can help you be both present-oriented and warm up your voice.

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Remember I said today we're gonna have a lot of participation?

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I'm gonna ask you to repeat after me my favorite tongue twister.

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And I like this tongue twister because if you say it wrong, you say a naughty word.

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And I'm gonna be listening to see if I hear any naughty words this morning.

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Repeat after me, it's only three phrases.

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I slit a sheet.

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A sheet I slit.

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And on that slitted sheet I sit.

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Oh, very good, no shits, excellent.

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Very good.

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Now in that moment, in that moment, You weren't worried about, I'm in front of all these people, this is weird, this guy's having me do this.

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You were so focused on saying it right

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and trying to figure out what the naughty word was that you were in the present moment.

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That's how easy it is.

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So it's very possible for us to manage our anxiety.

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We can do it initially by greeting the anxiety when we begin to feel those signs.

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We can do it when we reframe the situation as a conversation, and we do it when we become present-oriented.

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Those are three of many tools that exist to help you manage your anxiety.

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If you have questions about other ways, I'm happy to chat with you.

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And at the end, I'm going to point you to some resources

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that you can refer to to help you find additional sources for you.

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So let's get started on the core part of what we're doing today, which is how to feel more comfortable speaking in spontaneous situations.

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Some very simple ground rules for you.

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First, I'm going to identify four steps that I believe are critical to becoming effective at speaking in a spontaneous situation.

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With each of those steps, I'm going to ask you to participate in an activity.

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None of them are more painful than saying the tongue twister out loud.

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They may require you to stand up, they might require you to talk to the person next to you, but none of them are painful.

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And then finally, I'm going to conclude with a phrase or saying that comes from the wonderful world of improvisation.

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Through the continuing studies program here at Stanford for the past five years, I have co-taught a class with Adam Tobin.

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He is a lecturer in the creative arts department.

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He teaches film and new media.

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And he's an expert at improv.

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And we've partnered together to help people learn how to speak more spontaneously.

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We call it improvisationally speaking.

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And Adam has taught me wonderful phrases and ideas from improv that I want to impart to you that really stick.

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That's why I'm sharing them with you, to help you remember these techniques.

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And again, at the end of all this, you'll get a handout that has this listed.

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So let's get started.

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The very first thing that gets in people's way when it comes to spontaneous speaking is themselves.

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We get in our own way.

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We want to be perfect.

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We want to give the right answer.

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We want our toasts to be incredibly memorable.

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These things are burdened by our effort, by our trying.

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The best thing we can do, the first step in our process, is to get ourselves out of the way.

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Easier said than done.

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Most of us in this room are in this room because we are type A personalities, we work hard, we think fast, we make sure that we get things right.

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But that can actually serve as a disservice as we try to speak in the moment.

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I'd like to demonstrate a little of this for you and I need your help to do that.

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So we're going to do our first activity.

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We are going to do an activity that's called Shout the Wrong Name.

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In a moment, if you are able and willing, I'm going to ask you to stand.

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And I'm going to ask you for about 30 seconds to look all around you in this environment

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and you are going to point at different things and I know it's rude to point, but for this exercise, please point.

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I want you to point to things, and you are going to call the things you are pointing to, out loud, anything but what they really are.

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So I might point to this and say, refrigerator.

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I might point to this and say, cat.

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I am pointing to anything in your environment around you.

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It can be the person sitting next to you, standing next to you.

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You will just shout, and shouting is important, the wrong name.

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So in a moment, I'm going to ask you to stand and do that.

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Please raise your hand if you already have the first five or six things you're going to call out.

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Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

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We stockpile.

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You all are excellent game players.

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I told you the game.

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Shout the wrong name.

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And you have already begun figuring out how you're going to master the game.

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That's your brain trying to help you get it right.

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But I'd like to suggest the only way you can get this activity wrong is by doing what you've just done.

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There is no way to get this wrong.

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Even if I call this a chair, no penalty will be bestowed upon you.

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Because I won't know what you were pointing at.

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You could have been pointing at the floor under the chair and you called the floor the chair and you were fine.

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The point is, we are planning and working to get it right, and there is no way to get it right.

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Just doing it gets it right.

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OK, so let's try this now.

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We're going to play this game twice.

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Again, it's for 30 seconds.

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If you are willing and able, will you please stand up?

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You can do this seated, by the way, but if you're willing and able, let's stand up.

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OK, in a moment, I am about to say go, and I would like for you to point at anything around here, including me.

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It's OK to point at me.

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I hope it's not a bad thing you say when you point at me.

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But point at different things and loudly and proudly call them different than what they are.

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Ready?

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Begin.

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Porcupine.

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California.

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Salt shaker.

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Car.

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Library.

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Tennis racket.

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Purple.

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Orange.

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Putrid.

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Hello.

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Time.

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Time.

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You can stay standing, because in mere moments, we're going to do it again.

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So if you're comfortable standing, we're about to do it again.

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First, thank you.

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That was wonderful.

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I heard great words being called out.

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It was fun.

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And some of you in the back were doing it in sync, so it looked like you were doing some 70s disco dance.

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It was awesome.

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This was great.

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Now, let me ask you just a few questions.

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Did you notice anything about the words that you were saying?

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Did we find patterns, perhaps?

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Maybe some of you were going through fruits and vegetables.

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A few of you were going through things that started with the letter A.

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That's your brain saying, OK, you told me not to stockpile, so I'm going to try to be a little more devious, and I'm going to give you patterns.

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Same problem.

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When we teach that class I told you about, that improvisationally speaking class, we like to say your brain is there to help you.

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These things it's doing have helped you be successful.

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But like a windshield wiper, we just want to wipe those suggestions away and see what happens.

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So we're going to do this activity again.

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This time, try the best you can to thank your brain, if it provides you with patterns or stockpiles, and just say, thank you, brain, and disregard them.

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So let's see what happens when we're not stockpiling and we're not playing off patterns.

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We'll do this for only 15 seconds.

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See how this feels.

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Baby steps.

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Ready?

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Begin.

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Kodak.

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Bicycle chain.

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Skateboard.

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Bananas.

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Purple.

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Putrid.

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Time.

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Time.

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Please have a seat.

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Thank you again.

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Did you notice a difference between the second time and the first time?

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Yes.

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Was it a little easier that second time?

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No. That's okay.

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We're just starting.

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These skills are not like a light switch.

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It's not like you learn these skills and then all of a sudden you can execute on them.

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This is a wonderful game.

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This is a wonderful game to train your brain to get out of its own way.

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You can play this game anywhere, anytime.

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I like to play this game when I'm sitting in traffic.

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It makes me feel better.

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I shout things out.

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They're not the naughty things that I want to be shouting out, but I shout out things and it helps.

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You're training yourself to get out of your own way.

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against the muscle memory that you've developed over the course of your life with a brain

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that acts very fast to help you solve problems

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but in essence in spontaneous speaking situations you put too much

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pressure on yourself trying to figure out how to get it right

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so a game like this teaches us to get out of

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our own way it teaches us to see the things that we do that prevent us from acting spontaneously.

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In essence, we are reacting rather than responding.

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To react means to act again.

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You've thought it and now you're acting on it.

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That takes too long and it's too thoughtful.

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We want to respond in a way that's genuine and authentic.

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So the maxim I would like for you to take from this, and again these maxims come from improvisation,

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is one of my favorite, dare to be dull.

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and in a room like this telling you dare to be dull is offensive

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and I apologize but this will help rather than striving for greatness

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dare to be dull and if you dare to be dull and allow yourself that you will reach that greatness

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it's when you set greatness as your target

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that it gets in the way of you ever getting there

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because you over evaluate you over analyze you freeze up

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so the first step in our process today is to get out of our own way.

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Dare to be dull.

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Easier said than done.

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But once you practice, in a game just as simple as the one we practiced, is a great way to do it. But that's not enough.

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Getting out of our own way is important.

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But the second step of our process has us change how we see the situation we find ourselves in.

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We need to see the speaking opportunity

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that we are a part of as an opportunity rather than a challenge and a threat.

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When I coach executives on Q&A skills, when they go in front of the media or whatever,

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investors, they see it as an adversarial experience, me versus them.

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And one of the first things I work on is change the way you approach it.

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A Q&A session, for example, is an opportunity for you.

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It's an opportunity to clarify.

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It's an opportunity to understand what people are thinking.

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So if we look at it as an opportunity, it feels very different.

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We see it differently, and therefore we have more freedom to respond.

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When I feel that you are challenging me, I am going to do the bare minimum to respond and protect myself.

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If I see this as an opportunity where I have a chance to explain and expand, I'm going to interact differently with you.

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So spontaneous speaking situations are ones that afford you opportunities.

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So when you're at a corporate dinner and your boss turns to you and says, oh, you know him better than the rest, would you mind introducing him?

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You say, great, thank you for the opportunity, rather than, right?

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I better get this right.

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So see things as an opportunity.

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I have a game to play to help us with this.

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This is a fun one.

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The holidays are approaching.

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We all in this room are going to give and receive gifts.

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Here's how this game will work.

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It works best if you have a partner.

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So I'm hoping you can work with somebody sitting next to you.

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If there's nobody sitting next to you, turn around, introduce yourself, great way to connect.

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If not, you can play this game by yourself.

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It's just a little harder, and you can't do the second part of the game.

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So after I explain the game, this gives you a chance to get to know somebody.

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Here's how it works.

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If you have a partner, you and your partner going to exchange imaginary gifts.

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Pretend you have a gift.

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It can be a big gift.

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It can be a small gift.

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And you will give your gift to your partner.

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Your partner will take the gift and open it up and will tell you what you gave them.

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Because you have no idea.

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You just gave them a gift.

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So you are going to open up the box, and you're going to look inside, and you are going to say the first thing that comes to your mind in the moment, not the thing you have all just thought of.

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Or the thing after that.

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Remember what we talked about before?

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That still plays.

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That's still in play.

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OK, you're stockpiling.

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Look in there.

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My favorite that I said, somebody gave me a gift during playing this game.

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I looked inside, and I saw a frog leg.

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I don't know why I saw a frog leg, but that's what I said.

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That's the first part of the activity.

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Now, the opportunity is twofold in this game.

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The opportunity is for you, the gift receiver, to name a gift.

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That's kind of fun.

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That's an opportunity.

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It's not a threat.

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But the real opportunity is for the gift giver, because the gift giver then has to say, so you look and you say, thank you for giving me a frog's leg, and the person will look at you and say,

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I knew you wanted a frog's leg because.

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So whatever you find, the person who has received it is going to say, absolutely, I'm so glad you're happy, I got it for you because.

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So you have to respond to whatever they say, right?

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What a great opportunity.

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Now, some of you are sitting there going, oh, that's hard.

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I don't want to do it.

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I'm going to make a fool out of myself.

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Others of you, if you're following this advice, are saying, what a great opportunity.

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So the game, again, is played like this.

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You and your partner, each will exchange a gift.

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One will start, then the other will follow.

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The first person will give a gift to the second person.

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Second person opens the box, however big the box is.

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And if the box is big and you find a penny in it, perfect.

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Doesn't matter.

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The box is heavy and you find a feather in it, fine.

448

There's no way to get it wrong.

449

Whatever's in the box is in the box.

450

You can return it and get what you wanted later, OK?

451

The person then, you will name it, you will say, thank you for the whatever you saw in the box.

452

The person who gave it to you will say, I'm so glad you're excited.

453

I got it for you because.

454

And you will give a reason that you got them whatever they decided you gave them.

455

Make sense?

456

All right.

457

So very quickly, just in five seconds, find a partner if you're willing to do this with a partner.

458

Everybody have a partner?

459

All right, in your partnerships, in your partnerships, pick an A person and a B person.

460

You may stand or sit.

461

It's totally up to you.

462

Pick an A and pick a B.

463

Okay?

464

B goes first.

465

Ha, ha, ha.

466

All right.

467

B, give A a gift.

468

B, give A a gift.

469

A, thank them, and then B will name and give the reason they gave it to them.

470

If you have not switched, switch please.

471

If you have not switched, switch please.

472

Let's wrap it up in 30 seconds, please.

473

Let's wrap it up.

474

All right.

475

If we can all have our seats.

476

If we can all take our seats, please.

477

I know I'm telling a room of many MBA alums to stop talking, and that's hard.

478

All right, ladies and gentlemen, did you get what you wanted?

479

Pretty neat, huh?

480

You always get what you want.

481

Now, for some of you, this was really hard, because you were really taking the challenge

482

and not seeing what was in the box until you looked in there.

483

Was anybody surprised by what you found in the box?

484

What did you find, sir?

485

What was in the box?

486

What?

487

A live unicorn.

488

Wow!

489

Nice!

490

Nice!

491

If you've got a Ferrari, you need a transmission.

492

I like it.

493

Who else found something that was surprising?

494

What did you find?

495

A live unicorn.

496

Live unicorn, that's a great gift, right?

497

How was it as the gift giver?

498

Were you surprised at what your partner found in the box?

499

Isn't it interesting that when we give an imaginary gift, knowing that the person's gonna name it, we already have in mind what they're gonna find?

500

And when they say live unicorn, we go, well, that's interesting, right?

501

So the point of this game is to one, remind ourselves we have to get out of our own way like we talked about before.

502

But to see this as an opportunity and to have fun.

503

I love watching people play this game.

504

The number of smiles that I saw amongst you, and I have to admit, when I first started, some of you looked a little dour, a little doubting.

505

But in that last game, you were all smiling and looked like you were having fun.

506

So when you reframe the spontaneous speaking opportunity as an opportunity, as something that you can co-create and share,

507

all of a sudden, you are less nervous, less defensive and you can accomplish something pretty darn good in this case a fun outcome

508

this reminds us of perhaps the most famous of all improvisation sayings yes

509

and a lot of us live our communication lives saying no

510

but yes and opens up a tremendous amount of opportunities

511

and this doesn't mean you have to say yes

512

and to a question somebody asked this just This means the approach you take to the situation.

513

So you're going to ask me questions.

514

That's an opportunity.

515

Yes, and I will follow through, versus no and being defensive.

516

So we've accomplished the first two steps of our process.

517

First, we get out of our own way.

518

And second, we reframe the situation as an opportunity.

519

The next phase is also hard, but very rewarding.

520

And that is to slow down and listen.

521

You need to understand the demands of the requirement you find yourself in, in order to respond appropriately.

522

But often, we jump ahead.

523

We listen just enough to think we got it, and then we go ahead starting to think about what we're going to respond, and then we respond.

524

We really need to listen.

525

Because fundamentally, as a communicator, your job is to be in service of your audience.

526

And if you don't understand what your audience is asking or needs, you can't fulfill that obligation.

527

So we need to slow down and listen.

528

I have a fun game to play.

529

In this game, you are going to S-P-L-L-E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G-Y-O-U-S-A-Y.

530

T-O-Y-O-U-R-P-A-R-T-N-E-R.

531

I will translate.

532

You are going to get with the same partner you just worked with, and you are going to have a very brief conversation about something fun that you plan to do today.

533

I know this is the most fun you're going to have all day, but the next fun thing you're going to do today, you are going to tell your partner what you are going to do that will be fun today,

534

but you are going to do so by S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G-I-T.

535

So you're going to spell it.

536

It's okay if you are not a good speller.

537

You'll see the benefit of doing this.

538

With the partner you just worked with, person A is going to go first this time.

539

You are simply going to tell your partner, actually you're going to spell to your partner, what it is of fun, something of fun, that you're going to do today.

540

Do what you were really going to do for fun and not do things like F-E-E-D-T-H-E-C-A-T, just because you don't want to spell.

541

So you can use big words.

542

All right, 30 seconds each.

543

Spell to your partner something fun that you're going to do today.

544

Would you like to play?

545

Go ahead.

546

G-O-T-H-E-G-A-M-E.

547

Oh my goodness, say it again.

548

Spell it again.

549

G-O-T-H-E-G-A-M-E.

550

E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T.

551

I-H-O-P-E-T-H-A-T-T-H-E-Y-W-I-N.

552

E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T.

553

Thank you, that was very good, thank you.

554

If you have not switched, switch.

555

Take 30 more seconds with the new partner spelling.

556

G-R-E-A-T exclamation point.

557

T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U-P-L-E-A-S-E-T-A-K-E-Y-O-U-R-S-E-A-T.

558

So what did we learn?

559

What did we learn besides that we're not so good at spelling?

560

You have to pause between the words.

561

How did this change your interaction with the person you were interacting with?

562

What did you have to do?

563

Focus.

564

Focus and listen.

565

And you can't be thinking ahead.

566

You have to be in the moment.

567

When you listen and truly understand what the person is trying to say, then you can respond in a better way, a more targeted response.

568

We often don't listen.

569

So we start by getting out of our own way.

570

We then reframe the situation as an opportunity.

571

Those are things we do inside our head.

572

But in the moment of interacting, we have to listen first before we can respond to the spontaneous request.

573

Perhaps my most favorite maxim comes from this activity.

574

Don't just do something.

575

Stand there.

576

Listen, listen, and then respond.

577

Now, how do we respond?

578

That brings us to the fourth part of our process, and that is we have to tell a story.

579

We respond in a way that has a structure.

580

All stories have structure.

581

We have to respond in a structured way.

582

The key to successful spontaneous speaking, and by the way, planned speaking, is having a structure structure.

583

I would like to introduce you to two of the most prevalent

584

and popular and useful structures you can use to communicate a message in a spontaneous situation.

585

But before we get there, we have to talk about the value of structure.

586

It increases what is called processing fluency, the effectiveness of which or through which we process information.

587

We actually process structured information roughly 40% more effectively and efficiently than information that's not structured.

588

I love looking out in this audience, because you will remember as I remember, phone numbers.

589

When you had to remember them if you wanted to call somebody.

590

Young folks today don't need to remember phone numbers.

591

They just need to look at a picture, push a button, and then the voice starts talking on the other end.

592

10-digit phone numbers, it's actually hard to remember 10-digit phone numbers.

593

How did you do it?

594

You chunked it into a structure, three, three, and four.

595

Structure helps us remember.

596

The same is true when speaking spontaneously or in a planned situation.

597

So let me introduce you to two useful structures.

598

The first useful structure you have probably heard or used in some incarnation.

599

It is the problem, solution, benefit structure.

600

You start by talking about what the issue is, the problem.

601

You then talk about a way of solving it.

602

And then you talk about the benefits of following through on it.

603

Very persuasive, very effective.

604

Helps you as the speaker remember it.

605

Helps your audience know where you're going with it.

606

When I was a tour guide on this campus many, many, many years ago, what do you think the single most important thing they drilled into our heads?

607

It took a full quarter, by the way, to train to be a tour guide here.

608

They used to line us up at one end of the quad and have us walk backwards straight.

609

And if you failed, you had to start over.

610

To this day, I can walk backwards in a straight line because of that.

611

As part of that training, what do you think the most important thing they taught us was?

612

Never lose your tour group.

613

I'm not joking.

614

Never lose your tour group.

615

The same is true as a presenter.

616

Never lose your audience.

617

The way you keep your audience on track is by providing structure.

618

None of you would go on a tour with me if I said, hi, my name is Matt.

619

Let's go.

620

You want to know where you're going, why you're going there, how long it's going to take.

621

You need to set expectations, and structure does that.

622

Problem-solution-benefit is a wonderful structure to have in your back pocket.

623

It's something that you can use quickly when you're in the moment.

624

It can be reframed so it's not always a problem you're talking about.

625

Maybe it's an opportunity.

626

Maybe there's a market opportunity you want to go out and capture.

627

It's not a problem that we're not doing it, but maybe we'd be better off if we did.

628

So it becomes opportunity-solution, which are the steps to achieve it, and then the benefit.

629

Another structure, which works equally well, is the what, so what, now what structure.

630

You start by talking about what it is.

631

Then you talk about why it's important, and then what the next steps are.

632

This is a wonderful formula for answering questions, for introducing people.

633

So if I'm in the moment somebody asks me to introduce somebody, I change the what to who.

634

I say who they are, why they're important, and what we're going to do next.

635

Maybe listen to them, maybe drink our wine, whatever.

636

What, so what, now what?

637

The reality is this.

638

When you are in a spontaneous speaking situation, you have to do two things simultaneously.

639

You have to figure out what to say and how to say it.

640

These structures help you by telling you how to say it.

641

If you can become comfortable with these structures, you can be in a situation where you can respond very ably to spontaneous speaking situations.

642

We're going to practice, because that's what we do.

643

Here's the situation.

644

Is everybody familiar with this child's toy?

645

It's a Slinky.

646

You are going to sell this Slinky to your partner using either problem-solution benefit or opportunity-solution benefit.

647

What does the Slinky provide you?

648

Or you could use what-so-what, now what?

649

What is it?

650

Why is it important?

651

And the next steps might be to buy it.

652

So by using that structure, see how already it helps you?

653

It helps you focus.

654

Get with your partner.

655

And we're only going to have one partner sell to the other partner.

656

So get with your partner.

657

One of you will volunteer to sell to the other.

658

Sell a Slinky using problem, solution, benefit, or what, so what, now what.

659

Please begin.

660

So we have the handouts, but I'm also going to be doing the mic.

661

The microphone?

662

So when I debrief this, you can go ahead and pass them out.

663

Does that make sense?

664

No, no, after this activity.

665

Okay, and then after that we'll do Q&A.

666

Correct.

667

Thank you.

668

30 more seconds please.

669

Excellent.

670

Let's all close the deal, seal the deal.

671

I have never seen more people in one place doing this at the same time.

672

I love it.

673

I teach people to gesture and gesture big.

674

It's great.

675

I love it.

676

So if you were the recipient of the sales pitch, thumbs up.

677

Did they do a good job?

678

Did they use the structure?

679

Awesome.

680

I'm recruiting you all for my next business as my salespeople.

681

Please try to ignore this, but as we're speaking, the handout I told you about is coming around.

682

On the back of that handout you are going to see a list of structures, the two we talked about and several others, that can help you in spontaneous speaking situations.

683

These structures help because they help you understand how you're going to say what you say.

684

Structure sets you free, and I know that's kind of ironic, but it's true.

685

If you have that structure, then you're free to think about what it is you're going to say.

686

It reduces the cognitive load of figuring out what you're saying and how you're going to say it.

687

All of this is on that handout.

688

So what does this all mean?

689

It means that we have within our ability the tools and the approaches to help us in spontaneous speaking situations.

690

The very first thing we have to do is manage our anxiety

691

because you can't be an effective speaker if you don't have your anxiety under control.

692

We talked about how you can do that by greeting your anxiety, reframing as a conversation, and being in the present moment.

693

Once you do that, you need to practice a series of four steps that will help you speak spontaneously.

694

First you get out of your own way.

695

I would love it

696

if all of you on your way from here to the football game pointed things and called them the wrong name.

697

It'll be fun.

698

If most of us do it, then it won't be weird.

699

If only one and two of us do it, it'll be weird.

700

Second, give gifts.

701

By that I mean see your interactions as ones of opportunity, not challenges.

702

Third, take the time to listen.

703

Listen.

704

And then finally, use structures.

705

And you have to practice these structures.

706

I practice these structures on my kids.

707

I have two kids.

708

When they ask me questions, I usually answer them in what, so what, now what.

709

They don't know it.

710

When they go over to their friends' houses and they see their friends ask their dads questions, they don't get what, so what, now what.

711

So you have to practice.

712

The more you practice, the more comfortable you will become.

713

Ultimately, you have the opportunity before you to become more compelling, more confident, more connected as a speaker if you leverage these techniques.

714

If you're interested in learning more, this is where I do a little plug.

715

I've written a book.

716

Many of the MBA students who take the strategic communication classes here that I and others teach, read it.

717

It's called Speaking Up Without Freaking Out.

718

More importantly, there's a website here that I curate called No Freaking Speaking.

719

And it has lots of information that I've written and others have written about how to become more effective at speaking.

720

So that's the end of my plug.

721

What I'd really like to do is enter into a spontaneous speaking situation with you.

722

And I would love to entertain any questions that you have.

723

There are two people who are running around with microphones.

724

So some of us who remember the Phil Donahue Show, we're going to do a little bit of that.

725

If you have a question, the microphone will come, and I'm happy to answer it.

726

There you go.

727

I think if you're on.

728

Yeah.

729

We can hear you.

730

Great.

731

Can you talk about hostile situations?

732

Hostile situations, yes.

733

So when you find yourself in a challenging situation, first, it should not become a surprise to you.

734

It should not be a surprise.

735

Before you ever speak, you should think about what is the environment going to be like.

736

So it shouldn't surprise you that there might be some challenges in the room.

737

When there are hostile situations that arise, you have to acknowledge it.

738

So if somebody says, that's a ridiculous idea, why did you come up with that?

739

To simply say, so the idea I came up with was, right?

740

Acknowledge the emotion, I recommend not naming the emotion.

741

Okay?

742

So you sound really angry.

743

The person says, I'm not angry, I'm frustrated.

744

Now we're arguing over their mental state, right?

745

Emotional state.

746

So I say something like, I hear you have a lot of passion on this issue, or I hear there's great concern from you, so you acknowledge the emotion, because otherwise it sits in the room.

747

And then reframe or respond the way that makes sense.

748

So if somebody raises their hand and says, your product is ridiculously priced.

749

Why do you charge so much?

750

I might say, I hear great concern.

751

And what you're really asking about is the value of our product.

752

And I would give my value proposition, and then I would come back and say, and because of the value we provide, we believe it's priced fairly.

753

So you answer the question about price, but you reframe it in a way that you feel more comfortable answering it.

754

So the way to do this is to practice all the skills we just talked about.

755

The only skill that I'm adding to this is the awareness in advance that you might be in that situation.

756

First, I have to truly listen to what I'm hearing.

757

It's very easy for me when I hear a challenging question to get all defensive and not hear what the person's asking.

758

I see it as an opportunity to reframe and explain.

759

Okay, so again, you have to practice, but that's how I think you address it.

760

Are there other questions?

761

I see a question back here, yes please.

762

Yes, first of all, thank you very much, great presentation.

763

Thank you.

764

For a lot of the speaking I do, I have remote audiences.

765

Audiences distributed all over the country with telecom.

766

Any tips for those kinds of audiences?

767

So when you are speaking in a situation where not everybody is co-located, okay?

768

In fact, right at this very moment, there are people watching this presentation remotely.

769

What you need to do is be mindful of it.

770

Second, try to include engagement techniques where the audience actually has to do something.

771

So physical participation is what we did here through the games.

772

You can ask your audience to imagine something.

773

Imagine what it would be like if when we try to achieve a goal.

774

Rather than say, here's the goal we're trying to achieve, say, imagine what it would be like if.

775

See what that does to you that pulls you in.

776

I can take polling questions.

777

Most of the technology that you're referring to has some kind of polling feature.

778

You can open up some kind of wiki or Google Doc

779

or some collaborative tool where people can be doing things and you can be monitoring that while you're presenting.

780

So I might take some breaks.

781

I talk for 10, 15 minutes and say, OK, let's apply this.

782

And let's go into this Google Doc I've created.

783

And I see what people are doing.

784

So it's about variety and it's about engagement.

785

Those are the ways that you really connect to people who are remote from you.

786

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אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה

שיעור הדיבור הזה ברמה C1 מבוסס על הסרטון “Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques”. בסרטון הזה יש 888 משפטים ו-9656 מילים לתרגול Shadowing. הדיבור נמשך 58:03. הדובר מדבר בקצב טבעי של כ-166 מילים בדקה, קרוב לשיחה יומיומית. 86% מהמילים נמצאות בין 3,000 המילים הנפוצות ביותר באנגלית; כדאי ללמוד את השאר לפני שמתחילים.

אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה

15 המילים המתקדמות ביותר בסרטון, עם ההגייה והמשמעות שלהן:

מילה	הגייה	משמעות
shout פועל	/ʃaʊt/	צעק, צרח
dull שם תואר	/dʌl/	קֵהֶה
hostile שם תואר	/ˈhɑstəl/	עוֹיֵן
unicorn שם עצם	/ˈju.nɪ.kɔɹn/	חַד־קֶרֶן
microphone שם עצם	/ˈmaɪ.kɹəˌfəʊn/	מִיקְרוֹפוֹן
naughty שם תואר	/ˈnɔːti/	שׁוֹבָב
humour שם עצם	/ˈhjuːmɚ/	הוּמוֹר
improvisation שם עצם	/ɪmˌpɹɑvəˈzeɪʃən/	אִלְתּוּר
pause שם עצם	/pɔːz/	אתנח
symptom שם עצם	/ˈsɪm(p)təm/	תַּסְמִין, סִימְפּטוֹם
fundamentally תואר הפועל		עֶקְרוֹנִית
digit שם עצם	/ˈdɪd͡ʒɪt/	סִפְרָה
imaginary שם תואר	/ɪˈmæd͡ʒɪˌn(ɛ)ɹi/	דִּמְיוֹנִי
gesture שם עצם	/ˈd͡ʒɛs.t͡ʃɚ/	מחווה \ מֶחֱוָה
toast שם עצם	/toʊst/	טוסט, קלי

Phrasal verbs שתשמעו

מילה	הגייה	משמעות
figure out פועל		הֵבִין, מצא תשובה
stand up פועל		קָם
come out פועל	/ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/	יָצָא
come back פועל		שָׁב
go out פועל		יָצָא

משפטים שכדאי לחזור עליהם

משפטים קצרים ושלמים מהסרטון שאפשר להשתמש בהם בשיחה יומיומית:

Right now I'm answering the question, how do we manage our anxiety?
Remember I said today we're gonna have a lot of participation?
Did we find patterns, perhaps?
Remember what we talked about before?
What's your recommendation for handling cross-examination, specifically?

דקדוק בסרטון הזה

המבנים שהדובר משתמש בהם הכי הרבה, עם המילים המדויקות מהסרטון:

מבנה	בסרטון
משפטי תנאי (Conditional sentences) if + clause, will/would + verb — תנאי ותוצאה שלו	If you are willing and able, will you
הווה מושלם (Present perfect) have/has + past participle — פעולה שקרתה בעבר ועדיין יש לה חשיבות או השפעה עכשיו	have ever acted · you've made · you've ever seen
סביל (Passive voice) be + past participle — הדגש הוא על מה שקורה, לא על מי שעושה את הפעולה	was exposed · was taken · was created
משפטי זיקה (Relative clauses) who / which + clause — מידע נוסף על אדם או דבר	today, which is · person who has · person who gave

הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה

הדובר משתמש ב-221 קיצורים וצורות מקוצרות, כמו I'm, you're, we're. אמרו אותם בצורה הקצרה, כפי שאתם שומעים אותם.

הצלילים של “sh” ו-“zh”: conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, shout /ʃaʊt/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, improvisation /ɪmˌpɹɑvəˈzeɪʃən/
מילים ארוכות — שימו לב להטעמה: spontaneous /spɑnˈteɪ.ni.əs/, conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, communicator /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪtə/, spontaneously /spɑnˈteɪ.ni.əs.li/

צלילים שדוברי עברית מתקשים בהם:

/w/ — שפתיים מעוגלות, לא /v/: twister /ˈtwɪstəɹ/, backward /ˈbækwɚd/, wonderfully /wʌn.də(ɹ).fli/, consequence /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/
/æ/ — פתוח יותר מה-“אֶ” העברית, לא כמו “a” ב-“cup”: handout /ˈhændˌaʊt/, paraphrase /ˈpæɹəfɹeɪz/, backward /ˈbækwɚd/, alum /ˈæl.əm/, maxim /ˈmæk.sɪm/
/r/ — הלשון לא נוגעת בשום מקום, לא ה-“ר” הגרונית: conversational /ˌkɒnvə(ɹ)ˈseɪʃənəl/, twister /ˈtwɪstəɹ/, orient /ˈɔɹ.iˌɛnt/, unicorn /ˈju.nɪ.kɔɹn/, microphone /ˈmaɪ.kɹəˌfəʊn/

איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה

הקשיבו לכל הסרטון פעם אחת בלי לדבר, ורשמו את המילים שאתם לא מכירים.
התחילו במהירות 0.75×, תרגלו Shadowing משפט אחר משפט, וחזרו למהירות רגילה כשזה מרגיש קל.
הקליטו את עצמכם והשוו למקור, תוך תשומת לב למילים כמו shout, dull, hostile.

מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?

שאדואינג היא טכניקת למידת שפה מבוססת מדע שפותחה במקור להכשרת מתורגמנים מקצועיים ופופולרית על ידי הפוליגלוט ד"ר אלכסנדר ארגואלס. השיטה פשוטה אך עוצמתית: אתה מקשיב לאודיו באנגלית ילידית וחוזר עליו בקול רם מיד — כמו צל העוקב אחרי הדובר עם עיכוב של 1–2 שניות בלבד. בניגוד להאזנה פסיבית או תרגילי דקדוק, שאדואינג מכריח את המוח והשרירים בפה לעבד ולשחזר דפוסי דיבור אמיתיים בו זמנית. מחקרים מראים שזה משפר משמעותית את דיוק ההגייה, האינטונציה, הקצב, הדיבור המחובר, הבנת השמיעה ושטף הדיבור — מה שהופך אותו לאחת השיטות היעילות ביותר להכנה לIELTS Speaking ולתקשורת באנגלית בעולם האמיתי.

טכניקת Shadowing: קרא את המדריך המלא שלב אחר שלב →

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אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה

אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה

Phrasal verbs שתשמעו

משפטים שכדאי לחזור עליהם

דקדוק בסרטון הזה

הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה

איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה

מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?